


Club of Misfits

by MinnieLaceHaz



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Child Abuse, Cutting, Eating Disorders, F/M, M/M, Self-Harm, Stuttering, Top Calum, Top Luke, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 05:16:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 49
Words: 274,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4422794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinnieLaceHaz/pseuds/MinnieLaceHaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>❝Everyone has flaws. You me, Michael and Ashton - we’re all just a club of misfits.❞</p><p>A club for those who need a friend created by two best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my story from wattpad. I posted it here as a back up! Hope you like it :D

Everyone has a problem in their life. Whether it's depression, anxiety, a disorder or simply not doing well in school. People deal with these problems everyday and a lot of them try hiding it. Luke is one of those people. He doesn't like letting anyone know when he's sad or depressed, because that's adding another problem to those people's lives.

He would much rather let himself suffer than add another weight on someone's shoulder. The only person he even talks to is Michael, actually. Michael is his best friend, other half and shoulder to lean on. He isn't much help, though. Mainly because Michael barely talks, and when he does, it's a small whisper and so quiet Luke can barely hear it.

That's okay, though. Luke completely understands why Michael is this way. Just like he said, everyone has their problems in life and Michael's is something they barely talk about, for obvious reasons. They don't need words, anyways. They only need each other and that's it.

But, lately Luke wants more. He needs other people to talk to as well, not because Michael isn't enough - he definitely is- but because he simply wants to help others as well and have someone to help him. 

There was a ringing sound, causing Luke to mumble into his bare bed. The mattress didn't have a sheet, only a thin blanket covering his body and he sighed sadly when turning off his alarm. A frown formed on his face, and he wanted to skip school so badly, act sick or sleep in but that can't happen in his house.

He reluctantly got up, stretching and walked across his small room. He went through his closet, grimacing at the smell of his dirty jeans. It wasn't his fault, his parents don't let him wash his clothes often. After changing into is ripped jeans (he didn't buy them that way) he then tugged on a plain black shirt and black jacket with a black snapback on. He's not emo, black is just his favorite color. People don't see it that way, though.

Everyone assumes he's depressed. You can say he is, but it's more of a long, sad feeling. He doesn't try to be sad, unlike most depressed people, he attempts to make himself happy. It doesn't always work. Maybe he does this so his friend is happy, Michael isn't a very smiley person and Luke does his best to let a tiny smile appear on Michael's lips. He's the only one who can do that.

A knock was heard and he readied himself, turning and saw his dad (dare he call the man that) walk in. The first time you would see the guy, you would expect him to be a sweet, strict yet funny guy. Honestly, he is. But, he is also a very harsh man who doesn't treat his son like he should.

"Why the hell are you still getting dress? Your little mute friend is outside waitin' for ya," His dad sneered, grabbing Luke by the hood and tugged him forward roughly. "Get your ass downstairs in the next three minutes or else."

A glare formed on Luke's face but he nodded and mumbled,"Kay."

"Speak up, and wipe that glare off your face." Luke ignored him and received a smack in the face, trying not to react to it. But, right when his dad left, he winced and rubbed his throbbing cheek.

He never tried letting the 'abuse' get to him. To Luke, it wasn't abuse. It was just stupidity. His dad only smacked him, one time he did get pushed and fell down the stairs though. That was the worst of it. He got a broken leg, however it never happened much after that since his dad was simply drunk.

Unlike a lot of abused kids, he knew what his dad was doing is wrong. Kids shouldn't be hit. He was use to it, it was his normal and how he got through life. The only thing he hated more than getting hit, however, was the fact that his mum let it happen. His brothers left and maybe that's what triggered it all. After they went to college, he was on his own and they were his family's favorites, he was the mistake.

A sigh left his chapped lips, glancing around his blank room, much like his life. Boring and bland. He grabbed his bag (the one he's been using for the past six years) and went downstairs. He walked outside, not saying goodbye to his parents because they don't care where he goes, and then he spotted Michael waiting on the porch with his earbuds in.

Luke grinned, tapping Michael's shoulder and the boy flinched, glancing up and relaxed when seeing Luke. He didn't say hi, he simply nodded and that was his hello. What Michael has is called selective mutism. It means he is able to talk to people he is only comfortable with. That being Luke. He still barely talks to him, though. When he does, he has a very bad stutter, but it's cute in Luke's eyes.

"Morning," Luke said quietly.

Michael stood up, frowning and lightly brushed his fingers over Luke's red cheek. He looked at him questiningly and Luke nodded. Silently letting Michael know what happened. Michael knew about his dad, he takes care of Luke's wounds if it ever get too bad.

He sighed, shaking his head sadly. Luke just shrugged, walking with Michael to school and grabbed his hand softly, lacing their fingers together.

No, they're not dating.

They never have and probably never will. Since Michael is only comfortable with Luke, the two have grown so close that they basically do anything couples do aside from kiss. They hug, they cuddle and hold hands everyday. It's natural for them, and people mistake them as a couple a lot. Probably because Michael is gay and Luke is just Luke.

Labels are something Luke hates. They are meant for jars, not people. He doesn't like having to say his sexuality just to date someone (not that he ever will). It's pointless and causes a lot of problems with people. If he likes a girl then okay, and if he likes a guy then that's fine. Everyone is attractive in his mind.

On the way to school, there was a silence like always. When it's quiet, Luke can't help but think. He does it often considering they barely hold a conversation. Sometimes he thinks so much his brain hurts. His mind can jump from thinking about how a baby can stay in a stomach for nine months to why the sky is blue when it's only air. The question makes him feel stupid, but it was something he has always wondered though never bothered trying to get an answer.

When they arrived to school, Michael clung to Luke's arm and frown at the amount of people in the hall. He has social anxiety as well, which pretty much came along with his selective mutism. Luke wrapped an arm around him, ignoring the judgmental looks at other people. Their opinions are irrelevant.

At their locker (they share one because Michael likes being with Luke), they exchanged their books and Luke walked Michael to his next class, which was across the school. He didn't mind the walk, if anything he enjoyed it because that meant less time looking like a loner in class. 

"Bye Mikey, meet me at lunch," Luke reminded, giving him a kiss on the cheek goodbye.

It seemed dumb, but he's protective of Michael. He likes making sure he's okay, he worries about him a lot. Michael has tried school counseling, but adults scare him a lot. That's why he's comfortable with Luke. Because unlike adults, Luke is a teen and can understand the pain of this centuries bullying. The online hate, the ridicule and judgmental based on what he likes and doesn't like. People are more harsh now and days just for liking a gender, show, song, band or even a certain clothing.

As Luke went back to his own class, he glanced over when seeing someone staring at him. It was Calum Hood. He nearly groaned, the typical jock was annoying as fuck. He has a cocky personality, smug smile on his face at all times and thinks he's the most amazing person ever just cause his girlfriend is a straight A hottie and soccer player. 

Calum does track, he has the energy for it. Honestly, Luke always wanted to try out since his legs were nice and could help a lot. Plus, that meant not being home for a couple hours. But, he doesn't want to do a sport since everyone hates him. So, instead he spends his free time with Michael behind the school till it's night time,

By the time he got to science class, he let out a breath of relief as the bell rang right when he got to his seat. He dropped down at his desk, frowning when noticing he didn't have a pencil. He nervously looked around, glancing awkwardly at the kid next to him and asked quietly,"Hey, do you have a pencil?"

"Yes." 

"Can I borrow it?"

"No, I'm using it nitwit."

Luke glared, blue eyes meeting Ashton's hazel ones. The guy was really annoying, constantly keeping to himself unless it meant getting an answer right and always trying to show off his brains. You're smart, everyone knows it. No need to gloat.

He wore these square glasses, hair in a fringe and wore this ridiculous button up shirt that had some crazy design on it with jeans that didn't match. However, he also wore a ton of bracelets and Luke couldn't help but stare at them.

Noticing the gaze, Ashton moved his arm and said obnoxiously,"You asked if I had a pencil. I do, and I'm using it. You should have asked if I had extra pencil."

"Fine," Luke huffed in annoyance and put on a fake smile. "Can I borrow an extra pencil, Irwin?"

Ashton rolled his eyes, pushing his glasses up a little more and went in his pencil case. It had his name on it, oh god. He handed Luke a pencil, smirking when Luke groaned. It wasn't sharpened. The hazel-eyed boy let out a small giggle, watching Luke get up and walk over to the pencil sharpener. His eyes traveled to Luke's legs, quickly glancing away when he returned.

For the rest of class, Luke had to deal with Ashton's annoying voice as he answered pretty much every answer and read out loud when no one else offered. He doesn't understand why he has to show off his brain, why not let someone else answer? It's not like you need the attention all the time.

His next few classes were the typical boring ones that made him want to leave school early. Calum was in one of them, flirting with his girlfriend like usual. He kept kissing her whenever the teacher wasn't looking and Luke mentally puked. It's disgusting to shove your tongue down someone's throat. At least when you're in public.

"Mr.Hood?" 

Calum's head shot up, a stunned expression on his face,"Y-Yes ma'am?"

"Mind answering the question on the board?" She asked with an unamused expression. She obviously knew he wasn't paying attention. It's really rude to call someone out like that, and embarrassing. Luke felt a very small amount of pity, but also was entertained by his nervous look.

At first Calum just sat there, but then he read the question on the board with a confused face and cleared his throat,"Uh, five?"

"We're in history, Calum."

Everyone laughed, causing the poor guy to slouch in his seat with an embarrassed blush on his cheeks. Luke frowned, glancing around and bit his lip hesitantly. It really wasn't fair. The question was talking about longitude and latitude, there are numbers on the board so he doesn't blame Calum for being confused. It was kind of silly, but that doesn't mean people should laugh.

He doesn't even like Calum, yet he turned and gave the guy a sympathetic look. Calum glanced up with a frown, eyes meeting Luke's pitied ones and he sneered quietly,"Stop staring, freak."

Luke rolled his eyes, turning forward. Why does he even bother? He slumped his chin in the palm of his hands, watching the clock tick away till lunch came. He was sick of school, sick of being bored all the time and sick of being lonely. All he wanted to do was help someone and help himself, however he doesn't know how.

Finally, the bell rang and he eagerly got up then rushed down the halls. He went into lunch, seeing Michael sitting at their usual table without any food. He walked over, smiling when seeing Michael sneakily hugging his stuffed lion named Daniel.

Luke never knew the story behind the stuffed animal, all he knew is one time Michael lost him (they were around fourteen) and he was crying for hours. That's the only thing Michael will never tell him about, other than that, Luke can assure anyone that he knows everything about Michael.

He sat next to his best friend, glancing at the stuffed lion and asked quietly,"You sure you wanna have it out where people might see? I...I know he's special, but someone might tease you."

Michael frowned, shrugging though shyly pushed the lion under his jacket a little more,"I-I don't care, n-no one likes me anyways."

"I do," Luke offered, wrapping an arm around the shorter boy.

Michael gave him a small smile, the one he rarely shows. They didn't say anything for a while. Luke was kind of getting worried now. Usually they talk at least a little bit. Now Michael has been more distant, still cuddling and being physical close both would never tell him if he's okay or text him, not even smiling as much.

He glanced around with a curious gaze. His eyes landed on the jock table not too far away, hearing the loud, annoying girls exclaiming about their french club. They think that if they speak french then they can get anyone they want. Either way, their legs will spread no matter one. He doesn't get it, they slept with everyone, who else is left?

Calum was chatting with his girlfriend, sharing small kisses and whispering in her ear like crazy, making her face go a bright red. Honestly, his girlfriend is nice, but it's obvious they don't like each other. They're only dating for the sake of popularity, and Luke wonders why Calum even wants to be popular.

A confused expression showed when he looked over to a loned table in the back of the cafeteria. Ashton was sitting there, books spread out and lunch neatly laid down on the table from his lunchbox. He was reading quietly, all alone and Luke was actually confused because he seemed like he would have a few friends. Guess his big head got the best of him and he lost them all. Or maybe he never had any.

"L-Luke?" Luke looked towards Michael, who asked hesitantly,"C-Can we hang out after school again? I-I don't want to um, go home right away...I n-need something to do for a little bit."

That's when a thought occurred. His eyes spotted a poster not too far away, saying the words Key Club. He grinned, asking Michael instead,"Why don't we do something else instead?"

Michael's eyebrows furrowed and Luke explained,"You know, we have really crazy lives. But, we never know how to deal with it. I know you hated counseling and my dad would never pay for therapy. So, we should just make our own therapy instead. Help each other out and maybe a few other people."

"I-I don't like people," Michael frowned, fidgeting with his sleeves and tightened his grip on Daniel.

Luke chuckled sympathetically, lightly brushing his fingers on Michael's cheek,"I know, babe. That's the problem. We can't keep isolating ourselves. Maybe this can help us? It can get us a few new friends. I can talk to my math teacher, I can lie and say the club is like a robot thing or whatever and she just has to sign this paper. Then we'll be in charge and get a few people to join."

A nervous look formed on Michael's face,"Are y-you sure it'll help?"

"I promise," Luke assured, not knowing a whole load of problems are just about to occur.


	2. Chapter 2

"What about Mathletes, then people wouldn't wanna join."

Michael looked down at Luke in confusion. The blonde was laying in his lap, knees up so he could write on the notebook. It was a really tattered one, probably used it since year seven since his dad never buys him anything. The only reason Luke even got clothes was from Michael's aunt.

The thing was, Michael's parents died a few years ago. That's when he started shutting people out. He's always been mute, so that wasn't anything serious. He just use to talk to limited people and was more open, using a nod and shake of a head as a reply when people talk to him. He would smile. But, now he does neither unless he's with Luke and his aunt, who he now lives with.

He whispered with furrowed eyebrows,"W-Why do you not w-want people to j-join?"

Luke chuckled, patting Michael's hand and explained,"Oh Mikey. We can't have a lot of people joining the club, cause then one of the people might tell everyone our secrets. The club is suppose to only have a small group. Maybe seven people? But, we have to make sure no one rambles to others about it. Almost like a secret club."

Even though he was still confused, Michael nodded as if he understood. Earlier that day, Luke talked to a teacher about having her sign off the papers and everything. He lied and said it was a tutoring club. It wasn't a complete lie, though because technically everyone is tutoring each other about getting better. Kind of. Now he just needs a name he wants to use for the posters.

"We can call it the Fishers Club."

"B-But it's tutoring," Michael pointed out, nonchalantly playing with Luke's blonde hair. He had it out flat now, only having it in a quiff for school. He would never admit it, but Michael liked it better down and flippy. He thought it was a cute look, making Luke seem more his age.

Luke groaned and pouted,"I can't think of anything and we need it by tomorrow, that's our first meeting."

For a while they tried thinking of something, the room silent due to Michael not having a TV. He prefers Netflix, going on his laptop to watch it. His room consisted of a dresser, side table and bed. That's all, because Michael doesn't need much aside from his laptop and Luke. Oh, and Daniel of course.

Suddenly, and idea occurred along with a small smile on his face. Michael patted Luke's shoulder and made grabby hands for the notebook. Luke handed him it with the pencil, watching in confusion at the sudden pleading and he saw Michael write out three letters.

S.O.S

Luke raised an eyebrow, pursing his lips thoughtfully,"Cute, but what does it mean."

"Help," Michael said quietly, then shrugged. "B-But, it could like...s-stand for studying o-our students."

The name sounded funny, but that might make people not want to join which is helpful. He nodded in agreement, sitting up from Michael's lap and grabbed the boy's laptop. He opened it, already knowing the password and they both decided on making the flyers. They were only going to make a couple, not wanting to advertise too much.

After they were done, Luke stayed for dinner. He had met Michael's aunt a lot of times and never was fond of her. She was good looking, being related to Michael obviously, and she definitely was a good cook. But, she never talks to Michael and Luke feels bad for him. However, Michael assures Luke that it doesn't matter and he couldn't careless.

When they were done, Luke had to go home and was kind of nervous. Michael decided to go with him since it's dark out, even though that also meant it was dangerous for him to go back home. Of course, when Michael is insistent on something he will make sure it happens. So, eventually Luke gave in and let the older boy walk him home.

They held hands like always, a silence in the dark night and Luke sighed when seeing his home. As soon as they walked up the steps, he smiled sadly when Michael frowned as both heard the yelling inside. Michael winced at the sound of something shattering, looking at Luke with a sad face.

He offered,"Y-You can s-stay at my place."

"It's fine, Mikey just be safe and text me when you get home," He assured, kissing the boy's cheek and waved goodbye while walking inside to the place he calls hell the second. First was school.

Right when he got inside, he was tugged in by his shirt and slammed against the wall. Luke held in a pained sound, giving his drunk dad a blank look and received a glare in return from the man who sneered,"Finally home, huh? You know you're suppose to call me if you're gonna be late."

"Well, I will be late a lot now. I'm in an after school club," He said with a shrug, ripping his shirt from the man's grip.

His dad scoffed, watching Luke rush upstairs,"Good, we don't want you here anyways. Move out for all we care."

A frown formed on Luke's face as he went into his room, grimacing at the smell of sweat and knew his dad was working out in here. He never understood why, but his dad liked pissing him off. There's barely any space in his small room, considering there's a bigger one downstairs that's blank aside from a desk and old computer no one ever uses. It would have been his room, but his dad wouldn't let that happen.

He got his clothes out for the next day, struggling with whether he should wear a sweater or All Time Low jacket. He finally went with the jacket, then made sure all the flyers they made were in his bookbag. He rolled his eyes when hearing his parents arguing since it was so common for them, laying his things by the door.

After changing into some pajamas, Luke laid on his sheetless bed and tossed on the thin blanket around his body. He smiled when getting a text from Michael saying he was home, and Luke sent him a 'sweet dreams' with a cute little emoji, then drifted to sleep in hopes of having a nice day and first S.O.S Club meeting.

-

The next day was very hectic. Luke had to meet with the principal and person in charge of clubs, he met with the teacher who let him use the room after school. Luckily it was decently a good day so far, having a few posters up and flyers stuffed in people's lockers, despite never using them. 

The flyers basically said the classroom to meet in, name of the club (S.O.S) and only said 'A place Where Friends are Made and Scars are Healed'. It had the cheesy sense, since Michael made Luke change it at the last minute considering he didn't like lying.

Michael was more worried about how the club will turn out. He is bullied a lot, slightly more than Luke. They both get teased, but Luke beat up a guy who tried hitting Michael. Which led people to pick on him only when Luke wasn't around and staying stray of the blonde except a few jerks that succeed in hurting him. He already has bruises from his dad, why not add more?

It was in study hall when Luke went to the library. He wanted to put a flyer on the bulletin board and get a book he needed for english class. The weird thing is, Luke had no idea where the hell anything was. The only thing he's ever read is comic books and the novels assigned in class. He's never even been in the library except on the first day when he had to.

While glancing around, he grumbled and wanted to ask the librarian for help but she seemed like a bitch. He tries not to judge, but she has that face that basically says back off her wrinkly ass and stay in your lane. So, he simply went with going down every shelf until he finds it.

Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice say,"You look lost, blondie."

Luke jumped, hitting his head on a shelf and winced. He heard a small giggle and rolled his eyes when seeing Ashton look at him through his dorky glasses. The taller boy snorted,"I'm not, I-I'm just browsing."

"No you're not."

"Says who?" Luke scoffed.

Ashton shrugged and watched as Luke tried searching for the book again. He said simply,"You don't come to the library."

"How would you know that?"

"I'm in here everyday and I've never seen you," Ashton retorted, motioning to a table in the back with books spread out, a backpack and binders. Obviously that was his things, and Luke recognized the backpack that is always seen in the classes they have together.

Luke pointed out,"Maybe you just missed me."

"Trust me, I would never miss those legs," Ashton smirked, eyeing the blonde's long legs while biting his lip teasingly.

A blush formed on Luke's face and he elbowed Ashton,"Shut up, leave me alone nerd."

"Oh. Nerd? Wow, you hit me in the heart with that typical insult. Don't worry, I am scarred for life. I am definitely going to cry and fall to my knees sobbing with a depressing expression while listening to Say Something and watching the Fault in Our Stars for the tenth time," Ashton said with an eye roll.

Luke sighed, glancing at the annoying guy,"Whatever."

"Let me help so you can leave since are clearly unhappy with being in my presence," Ashton grumbled, snatching the paper from him that had the name of the book on it. 

An amused look formed on his face, shaking his head in amusement since they were in the science fiction section. He went to the correct area, Luke following and he tried not to stare at Ashton's ass when he bent down to get the book. But, you see, he was wearing fitting jeans and well. Shit happens.

But, when Ashton stood up again he quickly looked away and put on a fake smile. Ashton raised an eyebrow, though said nothing. He gave Luke the book and went back to his table without another work. Luke contemplated on thanking him, then decided against it since Ashton was reading.

He checked out the book, ignoring the librarians judgmental expression considering he looks like a typical punk or emo and was in the library. After getting it checked out, he remembered to hang up the poster and did so, not seeing Ashton watching him from the corner of the library with a curious look.

He also didn't see Ashton smiling when he saw what Luke put up on the board.

However, the day soon ended and Luke met Michael at his locker. They were both anxious and nervous to meet the people that decided to show up. Honestly, neither thought anyone would. And maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing. But, it would be kind of embarrassing. They have nothing to lose, though.

When the two met up, Michael was waiting and Luke motioned him to follow. Since Michael didn't know where the room was, Luke showed him. The teacher was there, getting ready to leave and that was it. She wasn't in charge, Luke was. All she had to do was give him the room and let him do everything. At the end of the day, they leave and she comes back to lock the doors. 

"Alright, so you got everything you need? I left some chips and waters in case you guys want some snacks. Don't always expect that though." He thanked her and she gave them a small smile while walking out,"Okay, good luck and hope you guys have fun."

And they waited.

At first the two snacked on chips and talked somewhat while looking at the open door ever so often in case someone looks confused and probably doesn't know what room to go in. It says it on the flyer, there was an announcement during the morning news. But, no one showed.

The two boys frowned, not caring but not exactly happy. They tried hiding their disappointment while drawing random things on the whiteboard that's never used. Luke laughed when Michael made him with double D's. Even though he's shy and seems like a cutiepie, Michael has his dirty side. Just not as much as Luke.

"Is this the um, S.O.S club or whatever?"

They both turned, eyes widening when seeing Calum Hood awkwardly standing in the doorway. He had on his school track jacket that costs more than it should along with a gym bag and his bookbag. He seemed uncomfortable under their stare, sighing and went to leave while mumbling a 'nevermind' on his way.

Suddenly Michael spoke up,"W-Wait."

Calum turned with a surprised expression, probably because he never talks and everyone knew that. Luke elbowed Michael, shaking his head as if saying not to let him in. But, Michael pouted and gave him a pleading look. The one that they both knew always made Luke give in.

And he did. Luke huffed, turning to Calum and grumbled,"Yeah, this is the club."

"Okay," Calum said simply, setting his bag down and looked at the two expectantly. "So, where is everybody? Isn't this like some friends club or hangout thing?"

A look of disbelief crossed Luke's face and he held up a spare flyer while quoting,"It says, 'Scars are healed'. This is a teen support group but instead of having a grown up tell us what to do, we're healing ourselves. Think of it as group therapy but we're gonna talk and not force each other to do or promise what we don't want to."

Like Luke expected, Calum shook his head and laughed,"No way, I'm out. I'm not here to listen to others whine about their teen drama issues."

Before he could leave, another person walked in and Luke nearly laughed when Ashton glanced at them. He gave a small wave and asked awkwardly,"Is this the wrong room?"

"No, this is where problems are healed and hope is given!" Calum said with a fake grin. "Let us all pray and wish for others to get better as well, yes Lucas?"

Luke glared at him, smacking the boy's arm,"Shut the fuck up. No one forced you to come, so just get out if you're gonna complain. I didn't want you here anyways. I doubt you even have problems, Mr.Popular."

An offensive look appeared on Calum's face and he snatched his bag, giving Luke a glare and left. Michael frowned, glancing at Luke with disbelief. He sighed and hesitantly went out of the room, leaving Luke and Ashton alone. When he went into the hall, he saw Calum angrily walking down the hall and occasionally hitting lockers on the way.

It's not common that Michael talks to people, obviously. He's never the type to stop someone from leaving or to make someone return to a place that they don't want to be. But, something inside of him was saying to go and make sure Calum comes back with him.

So, he went towards the angered boy and tapped his shoulder, flinching when Calum went to sneer at him. However, his face softened when seeing it was Michael and he grumbled while casually scuffing his shoes on the floor,"What do you want? Are you gonna snap at me too?"

"C-Come back," Michael pleaded, looking down when Calum gave him a surprised expression. "P-Please?"

Calum scoffed,"Why should I? I'm obviously not wanted."

"F-For me," Michael offered, not sure why he even said that. Calum probably doesn't even like him at all, but much to his surprise, he gave in and reluctantly followed Michael back to the room.

It wasn't like Michael didn't expect Calum to come back, more like he thought the guy would beat the shit out of him and throw him in a dumpster or something. Luckily, that didn't happen and they returned to the room, seeing Luke and Ashton glaring at each other.

When Luke saw them walk in, he said in exasperation,"Seriously? He's back? Great, fan-fucking-tastic Michael. Bringing in some douche who's gonna tell everyone what we say."

Michael frowned at him, nudging the boy and shook his head. Seeing the look in his eyes, Luke knew to stop insulting and simply stayed quiet. Calum sighed and stepped up to him,"I'm sorry for calling you a freak, okay? Just...let me in the club? I won't tell anyone what we say."

"Fine," Luke gave in, nodding at him. "Alright, I'm in charge of this club. I guess we're the only one's in it. But, that's fine. We don't need a lot of people anyways. Ashton came up with this cool idea." Ashton grinned, causing Luke to scowl at him. "I mean, Ashton somehow came up with this cool idea considering he's lame."

The small insult caught Ashton off guard and he crossed his arms then slouched in his seat,"I thought this was suppose to help us not make us more insecure."

A small silence fell, everyone staring at Luke. He really wasn't doing a good job at making friends. He glanced at Ashton, not expecting him to admit to being insecure so quickly. Maybe he shouldn't judge people, that's what the club was about in the first place. Accepting, not insulting.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." Ashton shrugged and Luke sighed,"Anyways, he said we should do like - a time capsule thing. Meetings are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for an hour after school. Every Friday, we bring something in to put in the capsule and at the end of the year, we bury it."

Calum let out an amused laugh,"Why?"

"Because, it should be something that means a lot to you or has to do with...whatever your problem is. That's not a good word choice, but you know what I mean," Luke explained and they nodded sadly. "The only way this is gonna work is if we promise to be completely honest i here. No lying, no beating around the bush. We're here to help each other."

Everyone nodded, and Luke looked at each person with a small frown. He couldn't see what could be wrong with Ashton or Calum, both seem decently happy or at least content. But, then he glanced at Ashton's bracelets and saw the way Calum had bags under his eyes and a frown on his face while shaking his knee - almost like he was nervous about something. 

This club was going to be interesting, that's for sure.


	3. Chapter 3

Like everyone should know, just because you're popular doesn't mean you don't have feelings. Calum acts like he doesn't care what people think, and will never admit that sometimes people hurt his feelings. He needs to be tough, to stay at the top of the food chain of school and make sure he has everyone thinking he's a confident, cool guy.

It sounds stupid, but that's his only good quality. Being perfect. He has the grades from cheating, the athletics, the good looks and cocky yet smooth personality. It's every girls dream, apparently since they always fall for the jerks. He likes to keep the ladies attention on him and only him.

His bedroom door opened, dad walking in and Calum acted asleep. When his dad shook his shoulder, Calum faked a grumble and said sleepily,"M'up, morning."

"Alright, breakfast is on the counter. Your mum is making you a cup of coffee," His dad, Dave, told him then clapped his hands loudly when seeing Calum laying back down and the boy jumped up. His dad left the room with a satisfied look on his face and shut the door behind him.

Calum yawned, rubbing his eyes sleepily and saw it was six in the morning. He only had two hours of sleep. The thing is, Calum has insomnia. He doesn't know why or how, but he does. It's a big problem, but he won't tell anyone. If he does, then his dad will tell him to man up or his mum would just laugh it off and say it's normal.

Apparently it could be from depression or anxiety, but he doesn't believe he's depressed. He has a great social life, an amazing girlfriend and nice friends. Why would he be depressed? No one expects him to be, especially not Luke who basically said he is Mr.Popular and never sad. 

He sighed, moving across his huge room and opened his closet. It was a walk in, containing many jackets, jeans and T-shirts along with over thirty hats, forty shoes and a few skateboards. He went through his clothes, grabbing his white graphic t-shirt and grey denim jacket with black skinny jeans.

After changing and putting on sneakers, he went to the bathroom and frowned at the bags under his eyes. He sneakily got his mum's concealer, already knowing how to use it after doing it for so long and fixed up the dark circles. He used the powder to make it less shiny and once he was satisfied he went downstairs.

Seeing as his sister, Mali, was moved out, Calum was basically an only child. She was twenty three and on her own. Calum and her weren't very close, both being stubborn and unable to handle each other. They sometimes got along like most siblings, but it was rare and only during family events.

He saw his mum pouring his coffee and thanked her, taking a sip of the hot drink. He grimaced, adding some more sugar and felt the sudden boost of energy after a few seconds. It wasn't long till his dad came in from outside, nodding at Calum and said,"Hey, better start heading out. I'm driving you today unless you want to take the bus."

"Are you seriously not letting me drive to school? I don't see why I'm grounded in the first place," he complained, grumpily finishing his coffee since it was a small cup. Honestly he does, it's because he has all C's and F's on his report card that was handed out, but he is just stupid.

A shrug was all he received and Calum reluctantly went and brushed his teeth before grabbing his phone and bookbag. He followed his dad outside with an annoyed expression and got in the passenger seat. His dad didn't say much and pulled out of the driveway, turning to the street leading to school.

The reason Calum was embarrassed is because his dad happens to coach for his track team. Everyone knows this, and people tease him about it all the time. He doesn't know why they do, oh wait, it's because his dad is very strict and people don't like that. He hates it, but jokes with them anyways.

When he got to school, he slumped in his seat and let out a whine. His dad just grinned and waved goodbye, Calum pulling up his hoodie to hide his face until he was actually in the school. He sighed in relief when no one saw him, walking to his locker and put his bag away then got his books.

Suddenly a shriek was heard and he turned, seeing his girlfriend Maya running towards him. She was wearing a cute sweater and leggings with her light skin and brown hair that was perfectly wavy. He smiled, giving her a kiss when she reached him and she pulled him into a hug.

The girl was clingy sometimes, but honestly a decently nice person. Even if they got together by their friends and staying together for their titles of the school, he didn't mind. She was better than those typical bitches on TV. Maya held his hand and giggled,"Morning Calbear! I was hoping you could walk me to class, you know, have my cute boyfriend hold my books."

"Sure, babe," He sighed, blinking his eyes as a hit of drowsiness filled him. He took out a piece of mint gum, knowing it woke him up sometimes and suddenly spotted a familiar face across the hall.

It was Michael, the kid from the S.O.S club. It was Friday and Calum remembered they had a meeting today. He caught Michael's green eyes, the boy wearing a black sweater and skinny jeans. He always wore black, it was a little creepy. When Michael gave him a small wave, Calum just looked down and walked Maya to class.

He didn't see Michael frowning.

After kissing Maya goodbye, Calum went to his English class. When he got there, he saw the assignment on the board and groaned when realizing they were having a test on the book (play) they were reading, Oedipus. He didn't read ninety percent of it and had no idea what it was about. Hopefully the test is multiple choice.

Considering he went his whole life cheating on tests and guessing on a few, he was basically a pro when it came to multiple choice and usually got a C, which is good in his mind. It's average, just like him. But to others, he was a genius and constantly able to find his way with any girl he pleased.

It was when he sat down that he recognized Ashton, who was seated a few seats in front of him. The boy had on a batman shirt and glasses, hair wavy and bracelets up and down both arms. He rolled his eyes, taking out his notebook and acted like he was doing something productive instead of doing the warm up. 

His friend, Garrett, was sat next to him and secretly texting under the desk. They weren't close, but both were on the track team and Garrett was dating Maya's best friend. She didn't know he was cheating on her with her sister, though. It was kind of sad, since her sister was in her early twenties.

Suddenly the teacher asked,"Okay, who wants to answer the question on the board?"

No one raised their hand, causing Calum to chuckle and shake his head in amusement. Teachers don't realize it's very rare people want to respond and come off as a nerd. Except for Ashton, of course. Who happily raised his hand, causing his bracelets to slide down a bit and Calum noticed a red line until Ashton nonchalantly fixed them up.

She nodded at Ashton, who said,"The chorus in a play, or any Greek tragic, typically is used to fill in background information or sometimes to suggest a reaction to the viewers. They often indicate a passing time between acts or episodes. It helps so viewers understand how they are suppose to feel at a certain scene."

The teacher grinned, basically repeating his answer and Garrett coughed,"Nerd."

"Tell me about it, thanks for giving us a novel answer," Calum grumbled in response, chuckling when Garrett laughed.

Ashton turned, frowning when seeing the two and rolled his eyes. He slumped a bit in his seat and played with his bracelets. As the teacher passed out the tests not long after, Calum grimaced at the questions when seeing they weren't multiple choice. He hesitantly took out his pencil, tapping it on the table as he shook his leg nervously.

When they were allowed to start, he looked up and saw the teacher typing something in the computer with her back to the students. Calum nonchalantly glanced around, eyes landing on Ashton's paper and squinted a bit to try and see the answers. He was too far and Calum sighed silently, bombing it and gave up. There's no use, he's too dumb to do anything.

-

"So, welcome to the first meeting of the S.O.S club," Luke grinned, clapping but slowly stopped when the three boys looked at him with a blank expression. He cleared his throat awkwardly and grumbled,"Well then. Anyways, I pretty much elected myself as president of the club. I doubt anyone else wants to do it anyways."

Ashton went to raise his hand, but Luke shot him a look and he quickly put it down. A small silence fell, Michael looking down and holding his bag to his chest with the zipper open, Daniel's head sticking out of the small space. Calum snorted when seeing the stuffed animal and Michael sheepishly held the bag tighter.

Luke got up and went to the back, he grabbed out some slips of paper he cut out and passed a few to each boy. When he was done, he put a small box in the middle and Ashton raised an eyebrow at how crookedly they were cut. He grabbed a pencil along with the others and let Luke explain what was happening.

"So, each meeting we have is going to involve a topic. We're gonna write down something on each piece of paper we have that we want to talk about and you can add specific questions you want to have asked when we talk about them or I'll come up with a few," He said, looking around to see if anyone was confused.

He then continued when everyone nodded,"It's anonymous, and I don't recognize people's hand writing well, so don't worry about being embarrassed if you write something down and don't want us to know it's you. We're here to help each other, not judge."

Calum avoided everyone's eyes on him, casually writing something down. Ashton awkwardly asked,"So, it can be anything?"

"Yep," Luke said, giving Ashton a curious gaze when the boy rapidly wrote something down on each card. 

For a while a small silence fell. Everyone writing down questions and topics. When they were done, the boys slowly put in their papers in the box. Everyone seemed self-conscious about what they wrote. Almost like they were automatically afraid of being judged even though they shouldn't be.

Luke smiled, getting the box and shook it up since a lid was on it. He opened it and pulled out a card. He nodded at the topic and said,"Alright, the first one is pretty simple. It's labels. So, the questions is, if you had to label yourself as something, what would it be?"

"Isn't that judging?" Calum retorted, raising an eyebrow. "I thought we don't judge, so why are we labeling ourselves?"

Before Luke could respond, Ashton stepped up and said,"No, labeling a person is putting them with a certain group or category. Judging someone is forming a personal opinion on them."

"Good job, geek," Calum snapped, scowling at the boy.

Ashton shrugged,"I'd rather be smart than a jerk."

"Guys, c'mon! Just answer the question, okay? We're meant to be friends, not enemies," Luke said, looking between the two who were glaring at each other. He sighed in relief when neither of them said anything, simply looking down. Deciding to play it safe, Luke turned to Michael and asked,"Now, Michael what would you label yourself as?"

Michael shrugged, fiddling with his fingers quietly. He shifted awkwardly when noticing everyone was looking at him and nonchalantly played with the zipper of his bad, keeping his eyes down. When realizing he wasn't going to talk in front of the others, Luke sighed and got up, crouching next to the boy.

He pleaded quietly,"Babe, they won't laugh at you, I promise. And if they do, I'll punch the shit of them."

A small, barely there smile showed on his face but Michael looked over at the two who were staring at them. He scooted closer to Luke then whispered quietly so the others wouldn't hear,"I-I don't want t-to."

"I know, but you need to make some friends. I love you, and I am perfectly fine with being your best friend, but it's not healthy to being so...lonely, we need other people too," Luke admitted, giving Michael's hand a small squeeze and smiled sadly at how small his fingers are. Michael shook his head and Luke hesitated before saying,"For me, then? Please? I like seeing you happy, and I know you will be if you try to be friends with them."

Finally Michael nodded and Luke gave him a pat on the knee before sitting back down. The two boys looked at them in confusion, seeing Michael take out Daniel and put his bag down. Calum nearly laughed in amusement, but stayed quiet and Michael glanced at Luke who nodded for him to answer the question from before.

Michael said quietly,"A-A freak?"

"And why would you be called a freak?" Luke asked, voice soft to make Michael more comfortable. 

He hesitated before shrugging,"C-Cause I don't talk."

"Why don't you talk?" Calum butted in, face holding curiosity and eyes narrowing almost in an intimidating form. 

"P-People make fun of me," Michael whispered, holding Daniel close.

Luke scowled at the Calum, but the kiwi boy scoffed,"If you don't want to be called a freak, then talk. It's not that hard, the only reason they make fun of you is cause you never say anything. Plus, you carry around a little teddy bear lion thing and you wear black all the time."

Suddenly Ashton snapped, surprising Luke slightly since he didn't expect the boy to say anything,"Hey, Luke said not to judge anyone yet here you are making fun of Mitchel."

"Michael."

'Right," Ashton sent Luke a quick smile,then crossed his arms at Calum.

The taller boy laughed,"No, that wasn't judging, that was pointing out the facts. Judging would be me saying Michael looked like an idiot carrying around his stupid kid bear and should stop acting like a five year old cause it's pathetic. Oh, and he looked like a typical emo for wearing all black and probably cuts himself. Thought you'd be the one to point it, huh nerd?"

The hazel eyed boy stiffened slightly, awkwardly glancing down. No one said anything, all too shocked at what Calum said. A pin could drop and you would hear it, the tension obvious. Ashton had no words and quickly sat back down, keeping his arms crossed and not looking at anyone.

When Luke went to speak up and pound the shit out of the jerk, Michael frowned at Calum,"I-I don't cut. I-I'm not pathetic, I'm just d-different."

"I never said you were," Calum pointed out, causing Michael to avoid his eyes. "I was giving an example of what judging is, since some four eyed geek wanted to assume shit. I was giving advice, like we're suppose to. Michael is called a freak cause he doesn't talk. So, I was saying he should talk so he's not called a freak."

Michael shook his head,"I-I am selectively mute."

"He can only talk to people he's comfortable with," Luke explained, seeing his friend was getting more upset as he spoke. He didn't want him to feel pressured anymore. "If I wasn't here, he probably wouldn't have talked much or at all. We need to move on, this is getting very out of hand. Why don't you go, Calum? Since you're already talking so much."

Calum shrugged,"Easy, I'd be labelled a jock."

"Cause?" Luke pressed, wanting him to explain.

A thoughtful look appeared on Calum's face and he tried thinking of why aside from the basics. Finally, he said,"I guess cause I'm good looking, pretty rich, have a hot girlfriend and I'm on the track team. I'm also pretty popular, you know? And I have a nice body and I would like to think I'm fucking awesome."

"Don't you feel pressured, though? Cause you're 'popular' and have all these people relying on you to be amazing and you need to keep your awesomeness up," Luke smirked a little when seeing Calum's confidence lower slightly. He wasn't trying to be mean, he was trying to get his insecurity out.

It didn't work though and Calum nodded,"Yeah, but it's worth it."

"Alright, fine." Luke turned to Ashton, who didn't seem at all as happy as he was when he came in the room. He tried not to think about it and asked,"What about you, Ashton? What's your label?"

"It's pretty obvious, I'm considered a nerd," Ashton said, then explained when seeing Luke's expression. "I have straight A's, never had a B in my life aside from in year one. I wear glasses and I have 'dorky' clothes like my batman shirt today. Also, I try staying away from the stereotypical life of a teen boy and never even went to a party or have friends. I like reading and watching superhero movies."

A small smile formed on Luke's face, nodding slowly. For some reason he thought the superhero movie fact was adorable, especially when Ashton said the word. However, he cleared his throat and questioned,"Doesn't it get annoying sometimes? Having everyone judge you for how smart you are?"

"I love being smart, it comes in handy," Ashton shrugged, then glanced at Calum. "But, people don't make me love it as much when they make fun of me for it. I like being able to study well, it's my talent. It's the only thing I'm good at and I am trying to go to Melbourne University and I have a good chance at doing so, however when people make fun of me I - I lose my focus and can't stop thinking about what they say."

Guilt filled Calum, him glancing down at his hands and he mumbled,"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made fun of you."

"Doesn't matter now, everyone does anyways. Just cause you apologized doesn't make the words hurt any less. But, I'm not a baby, I won't cry over it," Ashton shrugged, casually playing with a rubberband and flicked it without thinking. 

He bit his bottom lip and urged Luke to go on so the attention was off of him. He may like attention when it comes from him raising his hand and being in front of a class, however that's because he's comfortable there. Being in front of an audience or class is something he enjoys doing, but not when it's in front of a few people.

Luke nodded,"Okay, so now on to the -"

"What about you?" Calum interrupted.

"What?" 

He rolled his brown eyes at Luke and pointed out with a smug smile,"You didn't say your label. Don't think just cause you're president that it doesn't mean you won't have to answer the questions. That's not fair, now is it? C'mon blondie, tell us what your label is."

A frown formed on Luke's lips, playing with his lip ring slightly and he reluctantly turned back to the group from where he was trying to get up. Michael looked at him curiously, wondering what his friend might say while Ashton had this eager expression and Calum was smirking away with a raised eyebrow.

Luke sighed,"Um, I don't really know what I would be. I'm not that special. But, I guess I'd be an outcast."

"Wh-"

"Anyways, now let's move on to the time capsule." Luke quickly got up and ignored Calum's glare. 

He went to the back where he kept a small suitcase. The teacher let him bring it in, he had to make up a very strange lie but she didn't seem very worried about it since Luke was a trustworthy student of hers. He returned to the group, opening the suitcase and pulled out a pair of green glasses.

Ashton tilted his head in confusion, seeing him toss the glasses in and then he got the idea. They all went in their bags, grabbing something out. Ashton casually put a lighter in and Calum wasn't sure what to put in. He shrugged, tossing in his pack of gum and Michael shyly place his keychain in but kept the keys.

Luke explained,"Alright, I put the glasses in cause I use to be bullied for wearing them. Every time we put something inside the suitcase, we need to explain why we do it and I think we should write a word that describes how we feel that day on the bag. Here, I have some sharpies. Ashton, you say why you put the lighter in."

The boy's face paled, and he nervously asked,"C-Can I change it real quick?"

"No, once you put something in you can't take it out," Luke chuckled, taking the sharpies from the marker box. He handed everyone a color then sat back down and rolled his eyes. "Ashton, just tell us. We're your friends now, you can say anything you want and we will be nice about it. Starting right now, we're not allowed to be rude or harsh on someone. We can help, but not be mean about it."

Ashton nodded slowly, writing out the word 'content' on the bag and shrugged,"I put the lighter in cause I...I use to like setting things on fire."

His words were shaky, eyes not meeting anyone's and right away Luke knew he was lying. He didn't say anything though, not wanting to put the boy on the spot. It's only the first meeting, of course they won't open up right away. It takes time to trust people and the boy's all knew this.

Michael went next, putting down 'okay' and said,"I - I put in the keychain cause i-it's what my mum gave m-me when I was little."

Calum frowned, seeing the look Luke gave him but he sighed and wrote 'hot' causing Luke to glare at him. Calum grinned and said,"I put in gum cause it's kept me up today and made my breath minty fresh."

"I feel like slapping you," Luke grumbled, rolling his eyes and got up. 

Ignoring Calum's happy expression, Luke put the suitcase in the teacher's closet since she allowed him to and put the markers away. He finished putting everything up and had Michael give the boys some snacks that the teacher left. However, Michael just had a sip of his apple juice and sat quietly while Calum and Ashton argued. 

There was a longing look on Michael's face, him sipping on his juice and cuddling with the lion stuffed animal. Luke leaned back, watching from afar. Calum was yelling at Ashton who snapped back at him. Both obviously not liking each other and Michael making no effort to talk to them.

He sighed and ran a hand through his blonde hair. So far the club wasn't going as planned. No one liked each other except Michael and Luke, everyone was so different and had nothing in common. He wanted to make friends, but it seemed like all he made were enemies and he was hoping things might change as time goes on and they get closer.


	4. Chapter 4

Sometimes Michael is scared.

Not of ghosts, spiders (but he is) or movies. But of love, people and judgment. He was one of the most insecure people anyone would ever meet. Constantly hating himself, his body and his personality. He knows he's weird, but he doesn't try to be. He wants to be normal, he just can't.

He loves Daniel. It was a teddy bear and not a person, but he felt safe with the animal in his arms. He loved the feeling he got in his tummy when cuddling the lion in bed, falling asleep and having something to hold onto. Yes, he cuddles with Luke whenever he sleeps over, but he would sneak Daniel too. Luke would spoon him and he would hold onto the bear with his cute little hands, tiny fingers digging into the soft, fake fur.

Never once has he played with the toy or talked to it. He only holds it, because it was special to him. He would never say why, and he doesn't want to. It's his bear and he won't let anyone take it away from him. He's not a kid, he knows that it's not normal. However, he doesn't care. It's his life and his reputation, it can be ruined if that's what it takes.

Considering he's afraid of being judged, sometimes he skips class. It's dangerous, daring and can lead to him getting into a lot of trouble with his aunt. But, he doesn't like school. People are scary and rude. They ridicule him for being who he is and judge him for his lack of intelligence. 

He always thought school was suppose to make you feel smart, not dumber than you already are. All that happens at school is people laughing at him, teachers yelling and making him feel stupid and he's lonely. When he's not with Luke, he's not content. He's sad and that's not how he wants to feel.

So, he skips class to avoid teachers calling him out when he doesn't know the answers. They know he doesn't talk, yet they try to force him to. They want him to do something he doesn't want to do. To speak and get the answer wrong. It's not a big deal to some people, but it's mortifying to him. Having people know he's not the smartest person ever and he's forced to walk up to the board, hands shaking and Daniel sticking out of his hoodie's pocket, only to write a number or word down that's no where near right.

Like always, he skips math the most. What a typical subject he's not good at, most would say. But, he's not good in any subject and would skip all if he could. When he's not going to class, he would sneak into the library, go to the back and hide there where the librarian wouldn't see him. They think he has study hall and wouldn't think twice about it because the librarians like him. They think he's a sweet kid who's misjudged and they would be right.

Only this time, when Michael goes to the library he's not alone like usual. He sat back on the seat with red, soft cushions and went on his phone. He doesn't like reading, he likes music. He had his headphones plugged in and a brown hoodie on that slipped passed his hands, Daniel in lap and black jeans sticking tightly to his legs. 

The music he listens to varies. It can go from pop, to rock, to metal within in every other song. Sometimes he has a little country in there, but he wouldn't admit it, mainly cause he doesn't talk much. He loves music, because it speaks the feelings he can't say. The music a person listens to defines who they are and what they're thinking. It helps him escape the terrible reality he lives in.

Not too far away, Calum entered the library with a glare on his face. He had to look for a book for Maya, something called Paper Towns and he didn't even know how to look for him, cause he's never entered the library before. That's social suicide for him. No one reads now and days. Well, aside from Maya.

He nodded at the librarian, who grimaced at his look. He wore a varsity jacket, it was like the American football players, but for track and he got it for free since his dad is the coach. Calum went towards the fiction section, hoping the book was there since he never actually looked up the book and didn't know what the hell it was about. For all he knew, it could be about aliens getting murdered by donkeys in a town of paper people.

When he walked over, he eyed the books in confusion and sighed in annoyance. He turned and went to the next shelf, but stopped when spotting Michael sitting with his eyes on his phone and headphones in. The lion stuffed animal was tucked under his arm and looking ragged, old and worn out.

He didn't know much about Michael, honestly. All he knew was that he was quiet, talked with a quiet stutter (if he ever talks) and liked sweaters. He always wore long sleeves, he only holds a conversation with Luke and has the dumb lion with him at all times. He doesn't hate Michael, he doesn't think he's annoying, but he does find him weird. Not in a bad way, however not in a good way either.

Maybe because Calum grew up with 'cool' friends who partied, had sex at the age of fourteen and spent their time playing sports or doing drugs. Calum smoked weed once when he was fourteen. He never did it again. They are a bad influence, but he likes being cool and Michael definitely wasn't.

However, since the club meeting on Friday, he did know Michael wasn't afraid to stand up for himself. Even if it was in a small whisper that sounded weak, his words were strong and Calum found him interesting. He hesitated, glancing around to make sure no one saw him and went over towards the boy with dark, chocolate brown hair that was obviously dyed.

At first Michael didn't notice him, so Calum awkwardly tapped his shoulder and Michael jumped a bit. He sighed in relief when seeing Calum, sheepishly looking down and played with the edge of his long sleeves. He looked at Calum expectantly and the brown eyed boy said,"Hey, um...what are you doing here?"

The question came out rude, when he simply wanted it to be curious. Michael frowned, raising an eyebrow and shrugged in response. He pointed to his phone and earbuds, so he definitely wasn't gonna talk to Calum considering he insisted on not speaking and rather pointed to objects to reply.

Calum mentally groaned, rubbing the back of his neck before sitting down in the seat next to Michael. He bit his lip, eyeing the boy then said,"I...I'm sorry, okay?"

Michael had a surprised expression on his face, lightly clinging to Daniel and looked confused. He didn't get why Calum was apologizing, he didn't say anything rude to Michael. He was only giving advice, sure he was a jerk about it and not being sensitive on the topic, but he tried.

A small frown formed on Calum's face and he admitted,"For not understanding. I'm not the nicest person ever, I am a bit of a douchebag and can be a jerk." 

Michael nodded in agreement and Calum pouted, nudging him,"Hey now, I'm pretty cool."

A small laugh left the mute boy, and Calum grinned at the sound. Then he realized he was smiling over a guy's laugh and quickly stopped, clearing his throat. He continued to explain,"But, I never exactly met someone who, well, was different than me. All my friends are assholes, you're not. So, I didn't think I would hurt your feelings. All my friends are pretty much heartless and I can call them a cocksucking, manwhore and douchepants. They wouldn't care, if anything they would laugh."

"B-But that doesn't mean you n-need to be a jerk," Michael pointed out with a small glare, almost resembling an angry kitten as he snuggled his stuffed animal to his chest. 

"I know, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt your feels, Michael. Can't you forgive me?" Calum pleaded, and his heart dropped when Michael shook his head. He sighed and frowned, but nodded sadly. Calum got up and dusted off his jeans,"Okay, I guess I deserve that. Um, I'll see you after school, you know, at the S.O.S club."

Michael didn't look at him.

Calum didn't want to, but he cared. He cared that Michael wasn't looking at him, because for some reason, hurting his feelings made Calum want to smack himself. He was rude to a person who was sweeter than anyone he's ever met and didn't even wave to him in the hallway on Friday.

"Bye, Michael," Calum said quietly, only receiving silence in response and noticed Michael putting in his earbuds and turning back on his music.

Instead of looking for the dumb book like he was suppose to, Calum left the library. It hurt seeing Michael when he wasn't talking to him. So, he didn't want to be hurt. He went back to class, saying the book wasn't there and Maya pouted, slouching in her chair with her leggings and purple sweater. He didn't care that she was sad, he cared that Michael was.

He wouldn't admit it, though.

-

Luke was insecure over his body. He didn't like how he was super tall, towering over anyone he met and he didn't like having such broad shoulders and extremely long legs. He looked like an idiot, changing in the locker room with all these hot, fit boys standing around him. 

He was jealous of their tan skin, their small bits of facial hair and how they can lift like crazy while he struggles open a pickle jar when his mum doesn't cook dinner. Basically every night. He even had to hide some bruises on his body when changing. They were from his dad. He didn't take out the trash, receiving a shove against the counter and having a big bruise on his back, over his spine.

It didn't matter, he only had a year left then he can leave and be happy. He can move to the other side of Sydney with Michael, go to university and they can be happy together. The plan was always in his mind, they talked about it all the time. Moving in together and living their dreams.

The thought made Luke smile and he tugged on his gym shirt, only to groan when a hand shoved him against his locker face first. He winced, gripping his nose when it hit the locker. He turned and saw a few guys laughing, Calum with them and chuckling awkwardly along, not looking at Luke because he knew he was going to get the cold shoulder later that day.

Luke removed his hand from his nose, relieved that it wasn't bleeding and shoved passed the guys who laughed,"Aww, the faggot is mad, does he need a hug?"

Not bothering to respond, Luke went to gym and it was basically hell. He was alone, not walking with anyone while the gym teacher was waiting for everyone to get done changing. He saw Calum and his 'friends' joking around together and nearly rolled his eyes. They didn't give two shits about Calum, he's overheard them talking about him before and knew they didn't even like him. Calum was just delusional.

When it was time for their warm ups, he could barely stretch without his back hurting due to the bruise that caused a lot of pain. Afterwards, he went outside with the class towards the track. He grinned, cause he loves running so much. The adrenaline in his veins, the wind in his face and the carefree feeling he gets when the world is a blur. It was his 'thing'. His hobby he loves and he always gets excited to run in gym.

Just like always, he was happy to run three laps. Everyone else was groaning and complaining aside from a select few girls and most guys. He stretched a bit, waiting for the teacher to say go and when it happened, he ran. He ran quickly, evening his breathing to make sure he doesn't overwhelm himself and felt his heart pumping in his chest.

Meanwhile, Calum was aware of how fast he was running. He frowned a bit, hating how Luke was ahead and heard his friend laughing with a small pant next to him,"D-Dude, that blonde gay guy is beating your ass."

Calum grumbled,"Not anymore."

He sped up a bit, rushing passed a few people and saw Luke almost finished with his third lap. A challenging look appeared on Luke's face when seeing Calum passing him slightly. The blonde smirked, straining himself to go passed his usual speed and Calum gaped, watching him finish a second or two before him.

The teacher had an impressed look on his face, Luke breathing heavily with a small layer of sweat on his body and hair sticking to his forehead. Calum frowned when his 'friends' gathered around Luke, talking to him like he was some star when all he did was beat Calum once.

Garrett, Calum's friend, snickered and nudged him,"Mate, it seems like you have some competition."

"Shut up," He snapped, glaring at his friend who raised his hands in defense.

He looked over and saw Luke blushing at the attention, nodding at the people and suddenly a familiar guy walked over to Luke and Calum's eyes widened when seeing it was a guy from the track team, Shane. Luke glanced at him and Shane patted his back with a grin,"Hey man, you beat Calum! I never knew you could run like that, why don't you ever try out for track?"

"Eh, I - I don't know, it's never really - it doesn't fit me," Luke shrugged, sheepishly glancing down and noticed Calum glaring at him from afar. He ignored him and soon the teacher called them over to continue class after she wrote down everyone's score and time they ran.

For the rest of class, Calum couldn't stop scowling whenever people talked to Luke. He couldn't stop notice how Shane was chatting with him a lot and the feeling of jealousy was filling him. All his friends didn't talk to him and they all were hanging out with Luke. All he did was beat him by two seconds, and now he's some god to them.

An annoyed look crossed his face when class was over and saw the guys rambling on to Luke about how awesome he was and how fast he is. And when Calum saw Luke take off his shirt, his eyes widened at the bruise on his back. His breath hitched, seeing how huge and dark it was, looking extremely painful and it definitely wasn't some accident. Someone hurt him and Calum suddenly felt very suspicious of the blonde guy who is always criticizing him.

Since gym the last class of the day, Calum went to his hall locker after the bell rang and grabbed his stuff. Sadly, Maya didn't say goodbye to him like usual and he didn't care. She was being annoying since the book incident, which was only a couple hours ago and didn't sit with him at lunch, going with the cheerleaders and girl soccer players.

After grabbing his bag, he shut his locker and waited a few minutes till the halls were closed. He doesn't want people seeing him with Luke, Ashton and Michael. They were the people everyone made fun of and if his friends saw him hanging out with them, his life would be over.

Finally, he went to the classroom and leaned against the door frame when seeing the others were there. Luke was writing something on the board, Ashton was rambling to him about something and rolling his eyes at whatever Luke said, the blonde mocking him childishly and Michael was his usual quiet self.

He decided to walk in now, shutting the door behind him and everyone looked up as he walked in. Luke nodded at him, saying,"Alright we're all here. So, today our topic is Grades and like, school work you know. Subjects were good at, how smart we all and everything. But, instead of just talking, we're gonna help each other. We're all gonna say a subject we're bad at and basically tutor each other today."

Ashton raised his hand awkwardly, and Luke snorted cause he's not some teacher so raising your hand wasn't necessary. But he nodded, meaning to go ahead and talk so Ashton asked,"What if we're not bad at any subject and get straight A's cause we're already smart?"

"Conceited much?" Calum scoffed, but sighed when everyone glared at him. "Right, sorry. Didn't meant to insult you."

"Don't say sorry if you don't actually mean it," Ashton grumbled, slouching in his seat and sighed sadly while flicking the rubberband on his wrist,"Never mind, it's fine. Didn't mean to sound cocky."

Luke frowned when noticing the action, seeing how he snapped the rubberband hard and nearly winced at how painful that must be. He answered his question anyways,"No, it's fine. If you don't need help, you can just help someone else. You'll feel good after seeing how a little tutoring can go a long way. Now, Michael, what subject are you bad at?"

"Um, S-Science," Michael shrugged, holding Daniel closely and ignored the way Calum stared at him.

Luke nodded, already knowing and asked Calum,"Now, what subject are you bad at?"

"All of them," He admitted awkwardly, remembering his last report card. It was basically straight D's and C's, the C's in simply classes like art, gym, science and well, that's it. He was bad at school, he was dumb and never able to focus. Maybe cause he's always falling asleep. "I'm pretty good at science, though."

Michael glanced at him, seeing his small smile and blushed slightly as he looked down. Luke didn't notice and said,"Alright, why don't you help Michael and Michael can help you at something?"

They both nodded, Calum motioning Michael to follow him to a desk and took out his books. As Luke went to get a juice box, Ashton stared at him suspiciously and got up then walked over to him. He asked in confusion,"What about you?"

"What do you mean?" Luke raised an eyebrow, sipping on the juice box like a five year old and it was kind of adorable.

Ashton laughed slightly,"You didn't say a subject you're bad at and I know you don't have straight A's since I saw the F you got on that science test last week."

Luke bit his lip awkwardly and admitted,"I'm not really good at Spanish?"

"Oh, I have an A in Spanish, why don't I help you?" Ashton offered, already grabbing Luke's hand and tugging him towards the other desk. He motioned for Luke to take out his book, giggling like an idiot when Luke accidentally spilled over his book bag and all the books fell out. "Well, you certainly are one clumsy little dork."

A small blush appeared on Luke's cheeks and he nodded bashfully. Ashton glanced over and noticed Michael trying to talk to Calum, having trouble with his words though and mainly wrote things down. He didn't speak well without Luke next to him and instead of tutoring Calum, they switched it up and the boy tutored Michael instead. 

He wasn't the best at science, but he had a C and that was better than the F Michael had. Besides, he was actually decent at it and failed because he didn't do his work. He scooted closer to Michael, pointing at the periodic table and tried helping him remember the elements and smiled when Michael nodded at what he said eagerly, as if he felt proud of remembering a few of the elements and their symbols.

Meanwhile, Ashton sat next to Luke and asked,"So, what are you having trouble with?"

"I - I'm not really sure. I forget the words and don't remember them easily," Luke said quietly, hating that he admitted he's not good at something. He's decent in most classes, but hates asking for help. So when Ashton offered to tutor him, he really didn't want it. He wanted to help Ashton with something, not the other way around.

But, Ashton nodded in understanding and got his back. He grabbed his little container that held index cards and grabbed a pen. He handed them to Luke and said,"Okay, get out your vocab list and write down all the words you don't get. Put the English on one side and the Spanish word on the other. Then, I'll quiz you after you review them."

Luke smiled a bit, doing as told while Ashton read quietly and did some of his homework. He kept looking at Luke, watching how he mouthed the words and groaned whenever he got one wrong. A fond expression formed on Ashton's face and when Luke looked over at him, he quickly looked down and acted like he wasn't staring.

When Luke was done reviewing, Ashton quizzed him and at first he got a lot wrong. He kept pronouncing the words terribly and Ashton tried teaching him how to say them. At the end of their meeting, Luke got ninety percent of them right and maybe he hugged Ashton, but no one had to know that.

Well, except Michael and Calum.


	5. Chapter 5

"The topic today is self harm," Luke said, reading the words on the card that he randomly picked from the box and "Who wants to talk first...?"

When no one said anything, he immediately noticed their surprised and blank expression.Out of the other three, Ashton was the most noticeable as he glanced down, fidgeting with the ends of his sleeves and tried acting nonchalant about it as he also tugged at the rubberband he kept around his wrist. It was always there.

Honestly, Luke was the one who wrote it and put it in the box. He was curious, and not to mention this is a tough topic. If he wants to help everyone, he needs to start with knowing who's the most risked to do something extreme and dangerous that can lead to suicide.

It was going to hurt him to know one of his friends (Is Calum even considered a friend?) would hurt themselves. And they probably won't admit it, but there is a small chance that perhaps they will realize that this is safe place. Where all secrets can be said without feeling as though someone would say something.

He glanced around, seeing how each of the boys were suddenly very quiet. A pin could drop and it would sound like a bomb went off. Luke nodded slowly, pursing his lips a bit when realizing no one was going to speak up. He sighed, standing up himself and walked around for a second. Everyone looked at him in confusion, then at each other for a second.

Luke sighed and said,"Guys, no one is going to tell anyone what we say in here."

"How do you know?" Ashton mumbled, glancing at Calum. "Some people don't care about other's feelings. I doubt everyone is gonna keep quiet."

"Why are you always kicking me under the bus?" Calum glared, sitting up slightly.

Ashton snorted,"Maybe cause you always tease me and make fun of me. At least what I'm saying is true, everytime you make fun of me and joke about me, it's not the same. You call me shitty names, I hear you and your 'friend' Garrett talking about me and it's not fucking funny, so stop."

Before Calum could speak, Luke quickly stepped up and noticed Ashton's heaving chest, probably trying his best not to choke up and cry. His heart faltered at the sight, but he instead said,"Guys, please stop. Fighting isn't going to fix anything, let's just get back to the topic today."

"Whatever," Calum grumbled, glancing at Ashton quickly and frowned at the way he was quietly and repeatedly flicking the rubberband. 

Each time it hit his skin, Calum winced and gnawed his bottom lip nervously. He saw how the action caused red marks, even though they slowly faded each time. When Ashton looked over and felt eyes on him, Calum looked down to act like he wasn't staring. But, he was and maybe he felt guilty when realizing it was like a way of hurting himself to relieve the inner pain Ashton probably felt.

He didn't like making fun of Ashton or anyone in general. He wasn't trying to hurt anyone's feelings, he didn't think Ashton ever heard his friend and him talking about the nerd. That doesn't change the fact that he was teasing Ashton, but - he wasn't meaning to cause a person pain. He thought Ashton was a weirdo, conceited and annoying. So, he talked about that with his friend.

It's just like when people make fun of the 'slutty' girl or even celebrities they don't like. They ramble about how stupid the person is, how they're fake and dumb and can't sing or how 'they're not even pretty'. The only difference is, Ashton overheard it but that doesn't make it okay to talk about others even when they can't. And Calum knows this, however he doesn't care and does it anyways.

Luke sighed from where he sat down, glancing at Michael who was dressed in a grey sweater and black jeans. He was watching the drama from his seat and cuddling his stuffed lion. Sometimes Luke wished it was just him and Michael again, and it's only been three meetings so far. But then he realized it was obvious Ashton and Calum were both having trouble making friends to open up to, and that's when he knew it was okay. It was fine to pester them, because sometimes that's what a person needs.

"So, now that that's over. Michael, have you...ever hated yourself before?" Luke asked with a sympathetic look. It was a blunt question, but that's how it goes. Rip the bandage off, get some answers and then get some help. From friends who truly care and can understand rather than try to.

Michael hesitated, glancing at the others and nodded reluctantly.

Luke frowned, but he already knew, it still hurt to hear that thought. Or see it. He turned to the others and asked,"Have either of you hated yourself before? To where you wanted to hurt yourself?"

Neither raised their hands at first, looking at each other as if daring the other to raise theirs first. But, then Luke raised an eyebrow and Ashton slowly lifted his hand up, causing Calum to reluctantly do the same and Luke nodded slowly, looking at the card to remember what he wrong.

But, Ashton's voice was heard,"What about you? Have you ever hated yourself?"

"Oh," Luke bit his lip awkwardly, nodding. "Yeah, I - I'm pretty sure everyone has."

Ashton smiled sadly, watching Luke look over his card with a sheepish expression. He noticed how Luke never answers the questions but makes everyone else. He's always trying to sneak his way out of answering them unless someone points it out and for some reason, that makes Ashton suspicious. He's helping them, but no one is trying to help him.

Soon Luke asked everyone this time,"Who has wanted to or did self harm in some type of way?"

"What counts as self harm?" Calum asked curiously, surely it couldn't be just cutting. That's the most common, the only one he's truly heard of, and he knew there had to be other ways.

At first Luke hesitated,"I don't think I should name different ways. It could give you guys some ideas and I would be the blame for helping you hurt yourself."

"Dude, no one is stupid enough to hurt themselves," Calum rolled his eyes.

Ashton quickly looked down, and Luke noticed that right away. His eyes widened slightly, glancing at the boys wrist and sure enough there he was flicking that stupid rubberband. He glanced at Calum but before he could speak, Michael happened to interrupt him.

The quiet boy said with his usual stutter,"Y-You're not s-stupid if you self harm. People w-who do it a-are lost and lonely. They don't want to die, b-but they don't want to suffer."

"Yet here they are forcing pain on themselves? No one is forcing them to do it, they're causing their own pain and it's so fucking dumb. Who does that to themselves?" Calum exclaimed, and Luke wasn't going to stop him. No one can understand unless they do it and obviously Calum hasn't, so he has every right to think that way. 

But he did speak up,"People usually do it when they're bullied, hate themselves or need a release."

"They can join a club, a sport, or like, listen to music. It's no one's fault except their own. They blame people for their cutting when it's called 'self' harm for a reason. It's not the right way out, it only makes the person more depressed, or at least I assume it does cause now you have to hide it, to get ridiculed more for having scars on yourself from yourself," Calum retorted, crossing his arms in annoyance.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang and all three glanced up to see Ashton rushing out of the room. Luke's eyes widened, glancing at Calum with a glare. Realization crossed his face and he went to say something, but Luke just ignored him and went after Ashton quickly.

As soon as he left, Calum looked over at Michael who gave him this disappointed look. A frustrated expression crossed Calum's face and he mumbled,"Great, I can't do anything right. He hurts himself, doesn't he?"

Michael just nodded.

"How do you know?" Calum asked in confusion, not thinking Michael and Ashton were friends.

The dyed-hair boy shrugged, lifting his sleeve and motioning to the wrist meaning he's saw the cuts before. Calum mentally face-palmed, remembering when he saw red lines across Ashton's wrist in class before. He didn't think much of them, just expecting that he got scraped or drew on himself. It was so quick, he didn't have time to see what they really were.

A small silence fell, Calum burying his face in his hands while Michael stared at him. He hesitated before asking Calum,"W-Why do you d-do that?"

"Do what?" The brown eyed boy looked at him inbetween his fingers.

Michael bit his bottom lip before replying,"Why are you so m-mean?"

Mean. For some reason that word made Calum chuckle a bit.

Despite the question, he found that cute and ignored the thought because Michael is a guy. He took the question in, unsure how to answer it. Those people are his friends, he likes being with them. They let him in, they talk to him and they are on his team. When he's with them, he just naturally acted like a jerk and now it's who he is.

However, he said,"Cause that's what's cool."

"I-I think it's cool to be yourself," Michael retorted, blushing when Calum laughed at him. It wasn't a fond laugh, it was a cruel and rude one and the blush wasn't one you get when you feel flattered. It's when you're embarrassed and that's how Michael felt.

Calum scoffed and quirked an eyebrow at Michael,"Oh really? Well, this isn't primary school, kid. Grow up. Sometimes people are 'mean' and you need to realize that. But, look who I'm talking to. A guy with a stuffed animal and puppy eyes that barely talks."

He expected Michael to cry and to hate him.

But, instead Michael got up and grabbed his bag. He glanced at Calum and said simply,"I-I think you're t-the one who needs to grow up."

A surprised look appeared on Calum's face and he quickly grabbed Michael's arm,"Wait, excuse you? Who the hell do you think you're talking?"

"You," Michael frowned, snatching his arm and cuddled the lion to his chest with it. His voice was quiet, but that's not shocking and he told Calum,"Y-You tell me to grow up, b-but you're the one hanging out w-with people that don't e-even like you. A-At least I have Luke, y-you have no one and you don't r-realize that. W-When schools over, your so-called friends will leave you but I-I'd still have one."

Calum was stunned, watching Michael leave with a pained expression. He's lying, Calum told himself. He was just mad and wanted to piss you off, he repeated. There's no way his friends would leave him. So what if they went straight to Luke the other day? They still sat with him at lunch and that's all that mattered. 

Maybe they never talked about what happens after graduation, but that was fine. Garrett is his true friend, he still has his girlfriend even if she's been ignoring him after that book incident. With that in mind, Calum grinned and grabbed his bag but still, he felt bad for talking to Michael like that. And for hurting Ashton's feelings.

-

It wasn't hard to find Ashton. Luke easily spot him turning into a classroom that held art supplies and he hesitated, not sure if he should follow after. He hated what Calum said, but more of how Ashton reacted. Because, he could tell right away that he hurt himself as soon as Calum started talking. However, he wanted to see if he would admit it and maybe let them help him.

It didn't seem like much of a good idea now that he fully thought it through. Luke sighed, waiting a second before walking in the room and could hear the sounds of rubberbands snapping and small sniffles. He clenched his eyes shut, not wanting to see Ashton upset but reluctantly went in.

When he saw Ashton, he chuckled sadly and noticed the boy was snapping the band on his wrist and laying on a desk with his hood up and glasses sliding off his nose slightly. It was a weird sight and he felt bad for laughing (though it was barely a laugh), but couldn't help it and the noise made Ashton quickly sit up.

He glared when seeing Luke and sneered,"Go away, blondie. I wanna be alone."

"No, you're always alone. You want a friend," Luke retorted, walking over and rolled his eyes when Ashton turned around on the desk so his back was facing Luke.

He heard the boy grumbled,"No I don't."

"Fine, but you need one," Luke offered, climbing to sit next to Ashton on the desk and quickly grabbed onto the boy before he could fall off. He chuckled a bit, but only received silence in return. He glanced at Ashton, seeing him looking down and flicking the band on his wrist. Luke could see the irritated red color rising on the tan skin and frowned. 

Ashton was fidgeting, avoiding Luke's staring and finally asked in annoyance,"Are you going to leave or keep staring? It is annoying, p-please just go."

There was a pleading sound in his voice, making Luke look at him questioningly and he shook his head stubbornly,"You use the rubberband to stop cutting."

It wasn't a question, Ashton immediately noticed. He didn't respond because he didn't have to. Luke already knew and that was enough for his heart to break. He didn't like the idea of Ashton hurting himself. But, that explains the loads of bracelets, the rubberband and the long sleeve sweaters and hoodies. It's not always a sign, but sadly it was this time.

Suddenly, Ashton admitted quietly,"It's not. It's a replacement for w-when I'm not at home."

"Fuck, Ashton - you can't...you shouldn't do that," Luke said with a sigh, knowing it wasn't Ashton's fault. It was an addiction and he understood even though he's never done it. He's done research, he's wanted to do it before and looked it up once out of curiosity and knew he could never hurt himself that way.

Ashton rolled his eyes and scowled at Luke while standing up off of the desk,"You don't think I know that? Of course I shouldn't be fucking slicing my arms and legs and body, but I do! I'm a freak, I know that. But I started and now I can't stop, so thank you very much for pointing that out smart one!"

The sudden anger caught Luke off guard and he noticed the way Ashton's lips were trembling, hands jittery and he shook his head. He walked over to the boy who's glasses were falling off his nose and tried not to smile when Ashton pushed the back off. It wasn't the time to coo over some dorky boy's glasses.

"I know, Ashton. It's okay, I can help you," Luke told him encouragingly.

But, Ashton scoffed and grumbled,"No you can't. I tried stopping, it's impossible. I don't want help. I don't need help, I'm a freak but I'm not crazy."

"If you didn't want help you wouldn't have joined the club," Luke pointed out, causing Ashton to shut up. Seeing progress, Luke slowly reached for the sleeve that covered the cuts and went to lift it up, but Ashton snatched it away like it was an instinct and Luke narrowed his eyes,"Ashton, I'm your friend. I'm going to help you. Just let me see."

Ashton huffed, glancing down and shook his head frantically,"They're really bad, Luke. Really...deep and -and I don't want you to see them."

"I know, I know," Luke said softly, lightly placing his hand on Ashton's arm and nodded reassuringly. "I won't judge you, it's your way of coping with pain, right?" Ashton nodded after a moment. "Then why should I hate you for that? Everyone handles things different. But, I can't let you keep hurting yourself. I need to see how bad they are, though."

It took some extra words of encouragement, but finally Ashton dropped his arms from where he wrapped them around himself and Luke gave him a small smile despite what was happening. The smile made Ashton's heart flutter, he hates how much he likes Luke.

Luke grabbed Ashton's hands, looking at him for permission and rolled up the sleeves when Ashton nodded weakly. He braced himself, knowing now that his crush will be disgusted with him and it's not like Luke would ever love him, but still.

Immediately, Luke's breath hitched and stomach dropped. He wasn't kidding when he said they were deep and Luke felt slightly nauseous at the sight of his cut up arms, bandages covering a few and he didn't even want to know what was under them because they were probably a lot worse then the ones revealed. 

A small sob was heard and Luke's head shot up, seeing Ashton trying to quiet them. Luke shook his head and pleaded,"No, don't cry. Please, it'll be okay. I'm here you for now."

"I - I hate myself so much," Ashton admitted, wiping his eyes harshly underneath his glasses and Luke's heart shattered when hearing those words. He knew. Ashton raised his hands in the room with the others earlier, but hearing him say it in that pained, broken voice was the worst thing ever.

Luke nodded slowly,"It's okay."

"It's not."

"I know."

"Then why are you lying?"

"Because, sometimes when you lie it can become a truth," Luke told him, the words sad but true. It takes a lot to make it happen. But, after a while, when you say you're fine and that you're okay, soon enough yo really will be. And it will take time, but soon it really will be okay.

Ashton's voice was quiet when he said,"I - I use to be worse."

"Than this?" Luke motioned to the deep cuts, trying to hide his surprised and horrified expression.

Luckily it worked and Ashton went to flick his rubberband but Luke grabbed his hand to stop him. Ashton frowned but ignored it and said,"I use to um, I use to burn myself. Cause, I was afraid to cut too deep. But, it kept scaring me worse and I cut instead."

"What's your favorite color?" Luke asked.

Ashton looked at him in confusion, tears staining his cheeks as fresh ones fell,"W-What?"

"Just answer the question."

"I - I don't know. Blue, why?" Ashton questioned curiously, not understanding the random question being asked. He just said he burned himself but Luke was asking about colors. It was random and kind of hurt him, since it seemed like the blonde guy didn't care at all.

Luke didn't say anything. He let go of Ashton's hand and went over to a box of markers that were left on a table considering they were in an art room. He went through the colors, trying to find a nice, fresh blue one and smiled at the baby blue, then went back to Ashton.

The blonde patted the desk, Ashton was still confused and sat on it though. He felt so self-conscious as Luke rolled his sleeves back up. He didn't like people seeing his cuts. Honestly, only one person ever saw them and it was a stranger at the store who gave him this sympathetic look. He hated sympathy.

Luke asked,"Have you heard of the butterfly project?"

"I think," Ashton pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Isn't it a movie or something?"

"No, that's the Butterfly Effect," Luke chuckled, moving Ashton's legs apart and the boy blushed.

Luke ignored how awkward it was and grabbed Ashton's arm, finding a clear spot (which was hard, since there were so many cuts) and started drawing a butterfly on Ashton's wrist. The boy let out small giggles, sniffling still, at the tingly and ticklish feeling. He looked curiously, not understanding what Luke was doing.

But then the blonde said when he was done and pointed to the butterfly,"His name is Luke."

"You named it?" Ashton said in amusement, wiping his eye.

Luke nodded,"Yep. He's me. When you cut, he dies and that means I die."

"What? It's a drawing. I don't think you can die if I cut myself," Ashton rolled his eyes.

"No, but you can if you cut too deep," Luke said seriously, causing Ashton to shut up. "We're not best friends and I only ever talked to you if I needed a pencil. But, we're closer now ever since you joined the club. With that in mind. answer this for me; how would you feel if I died?"

"I - I don't know. I would feel sad I guess."

"Would you cry?"

"Yeah."

"Would you miss me?"

"I-I think so."

Luke nodded, smiling a bit,"Good, so put yourself in my shoes. There's a risk of you dying and I know the reason for it would probably be because you cut yourself. I know you do it now, I'm responsible too. I don't want you to die and I definitely can't let it happen. I care about you."

"No you don't," Ashton shook his head, not believing him.

But, Luke retorted,"I do. Now, this butterfly is me, Ashton. When you cut, I die. Whenever you want to hurt yourself, add another butterfly instead and name it after someone you love or care about. And if you cut, everyone you drew on your arm will die. The idea is, that if you ever hurt yourself, those who are on your arm are the ones who will die inside but still have to live while you're set free."

Ashton took a shaky breath, glancing at the small drawing on his wrist that was surrounded by all the cuts around it. It stood out beautifully, though the wings were sloppy and it made him chuckle a bit. He looked at Luke though his thick, black framed glasses,"Okay."

"Okay? You're gonna try it?" Ashton nodded and Luke grinned before adding,"You need to know, this only works if you want to get better. You can't do it if you want to keep yourself, you have to want to get better. Do you really want to get better, Ashton?"

"That's why I joined the club, isn't it?" Ashton smiled sadly, and Luke pulled the boy into a hug, him inbetween Ashton's legs and it was kind of awkward, him crouching down due to Ashton still sat on a desk but it was okay. 

They were going to be okay, but it takes a while to get better and he knew this. Ashton won't be recovering for a long time. He'll be there for him though. The two soon realized they left the others, and Ashton quickly wiped his teary eyes in embarrassment. He had a reputation as a confident 'nerd' and would rather keep it that way. He liked being strong, not weak.

When they got to the room, they saw everyone was gone and quickly grabbed their bags then cleaned up before trying to find the others. Luke received a text from Michael, saying how he was outside waiting and asking where he was. Luke glanced at Ashton, deciding to let him walk with them. He's their friend now. Not cause he pitied him, but because he cared about him.

As soon as they were outside, they spotted Michael sitting in the rain with his jacket on, the hood up and luckily he was under the covering and sat on the steps, so he wasn't getting wet. Luke sighed in annoyance at the weather, the noise making Michael turn and give the two boys a small wave.

He stood up and walked over to Ashton, hesitantly asking,"A-Are you okay?"

"I will be," Ashton gave him a timid smile, the line cheesy but true.

Suddenly there was a loud honk, all three jumping and they noticed a car in front of the school. It was a red Lexus LF LC and Luke gaped, seeing Calum roll down the window and motion them to get in. At first neither of them moved, but a loud thunder sound was heard and they frantically got in, Michael settling in the passenger side.

The heat was one, instantly warming them up and no one said anything for a while. All too surprised that Calum picked them up, not only that, but let them sit in his car that probably cost more than all their houses put together. Calum kept looking over at Michael, who kept his eyes out the window and was frowning over the fact that his stuffed lion was damp from the rain.

He got the directions for Michael's house first, Luke saying he was going with him instead of home. No one questioned it, the club meeting today didn't even end well or at all, they can find out in another one. Right now, everyone wanted to go home instead.

Sighing, Calum spoke up,"So, there's this party at my girlfriend's house." No one said anything and he rolled his eyes,"I'm inviting you guys. It's for Halloween."

"Like we'd want to go to some rich kids party," Ashton glared, leaning his head on the window.

Calum's eyes met his hazel ones in the mirror and guilt filled them when noticing the way he tugged at his sleeves,"I'm sorry for um, you know. I wasn't trying to insult you."

"Whatever," Ashton huffed, Luke patting his leg lightly.

"Please come to the party, I want you guys there," Calum pleaded, parking outside Michael's house and kept the doors locked even though they can unlock it themselves.

When Luke went to speak, Michael beat him to it,"M-Maybe."

"Maybe?" Luke hissed, smacking his arm with a narrowed look.

Michael frowned, giving him kitten eyes,"Y-Yes, maybe. Right L-Lukey?"

The nickname had Luke reluctantly agree, and he waved goodbye to Ashton. The fringed boy was stuck on the nickname Michael gave him, frowning because he swore they were dating. Why else would he call Luke that? He tried not to get jealous, because it was no use. Luke only likes him as a friend, he said it himself.

On the way to Ashton's, Calum kept staring at him whenever he could and it made him shift awkwardly in his seat.He noticed how the boy kept yawning, bags under his eyes and barely able to keep his eyes open. Probably overslept after partying too hard.

He avoided his eyes, glancing out the window during the drive.He doesn't like Calum at all. Not because he's a bully to him, but because he lies and uses his popularity as an excuse to be rude to others. Good people can handle popularity without hurting others and putting them down just to make themselves seem better.

When they got to his house, Ashton mumbled a quick thank you and didn't let Calum speak before slamming the door shut and rushing inside as the rain poured on him. He sighed in relief when entering the warm house, kicking off his shoes and tossing his back to the side.

He could hear his sister and brother arguing, rolling his eyes and looked out the window to see if Calum left but strangely he didn't. Ashton's mum called out,"Ashton, dear, is that you?"

"Uh, yeah. Um, I'll be right back," Ashton said quickly much to his mum's confusion, kicking his shoes back on and went back outside. He flinched at the sound of thunder, hood up and eyes widened when seeing Calum sleeping with his head lolled to the side and car turned on. 

He frantically knocked on the window, causing Calum to jump and yawn. When realization hit, Calum gasped and shook himself away some more then sheepishly rolled down the window. Ashton glared, saying over the sound of rain,"You know, maybe if you weren't partying so hard then you wouldn't pass out in front of my house."

"Ashton-"

"No, just get out. Thanks for the ride and all, but I still don't like you and you obviously don't like me. So, here," Ashton took out some gum (the 5 energy one) and handed it to Calum, much to the other boy's confusion. "It should keep you up for the drive home, better watch out. It's raining hard, turn left when you go down the road. It's a shortcut."

"How do you know whe-"

"Your the track coach's son, I saw him driving home one day. Stay safe, jackass," Ashton quickly went back inside, the rain hitting him hard and he made sure Calum chewed some of the gum before driving. It wasn't the best thing to keep him awake, but he knew it could help for a couple minutes and Calum doesn't live far.

When he went into the kitchen, he saw his mum and she glared at him immediately,"Ashton Irwin, I just saw your grades online. Why did your science grade turn to a B?"

"I'm sorry, I was focusing on my math more," He said, and she sighed in annoyance. "I didn't want to fall back in that class."

"But, now you've fallen back in science," His dad added, moving from where he was cooking so he could give his son a stern look. "If you want to go to Melbourne you need to keep those grades up. We can't have our favorite son failing."

"You understand dear, when you have a kid then it will make sense. We just want what's best for you," She grinned, patting his head and Ashton simply nodded. "Now, go and study. Science this time, and when you take a practice test online and over a ninety percent, we'll see if you can have dinner."

After his sister teased him, dad gave him a water bottle and stern expression, Ashton went upstairs to his room with his bag. He shut his door, leaning his head against it and went to flick his rubberband like usual, but eyes caught the butterfly on his wrist.

Luke popped into his mind. Those blue eyes that were so sad made him stop quickly. He was never one to do something just cause a person asks. Unless your his parents, because he always does what they want.

But, Luke was different. He was Ashton's inspiration and even if he's annoying and very noisy, he was sweet and his intentions were good. Ashton's parents worked him hard, making him get straight A's and it's stressful. Luke gives him hope, though. He would never admit it, but maybe Luke was also his hero.


	6. Chapter 6

Sleep is all Calum wanted. Most teens would love staying up late and not being tired for a long time afterwards, but it's been consuming him now. He wants to go to bed, to lay down and close his eyes then drift off for more than two hours a night at the most. But, he can't.

His mind just won't rest, he's constantly thinking or trying too hard to fall asleep. He tried everything, from warm milk to hot showers to not using technology a few hours before laying down. But, then he just stares. He stares at the walls, the clock by his bed and closes his eyes but then they open again and it's not working.

While laying down, his mind instantly would go to Michael for some reason. Wondering why he's so insecure when he said it himself that he has a good friend and Calum doesn't. Sometimes it would go to Ashton, feeling guilty for hurting his feelings and bullying him. How Ashton snapped at him for passing out in the car, but yet he gave Calum some energy gum and a shortcut home. Like he cared about Calum, but didn't want to.

It's rare, but he would also start thinking about Luke. The guy was so complex, and he was worried about the bruises he saw that day in the locker room. He couldn't stop thinking, which is weird since he can never think at school. The only time he's ever smart is at night and he hated it, because that will never be helpful in life.

That day Ashton saw him passed out, Calum tried going to sleep when he got him. Hoping he would still feel exhausted, but as soon as he laid down it didn't work. Which is why, now he's at school and exhausted while his girlfriend chatted with him, snuggling into his side at lunch while his friends were rambling about the Halloween party coming up.

His eyes started closing, his body slumping slightly and he felt like he wanted to die. He just wanted to sleep, that's all he wanted and of course he couldn't get that. He was so stressed. His dad was forcing him to work harder in track, his mum yelling at him for his grades and he wasn't able to form a nice conversation with his friends just because of his stupid insomnia that he couldn't seem to control.

Once again he kept trying to get his parents to understand. But, it's not like they would believe him and he doesn't blame them. He always lies to get away with his bad grades. One time he said he thought he was Dyslexic when he was fourteen, hoping his teacher would let it slide however he felt instantly guilty and admitted he wasn't telling the truth a week later. Since then his parents never trusted him. 

Which is why he was grounded a lot. He use to sneak out all the time with his friend and Maya. She has been his girlfriend for so long now. Ever since ten and it's year twelve now. He didn't mind, she was nice and they were good together. But, he never felt that connection people talk about.

They have had sex a couple times, and it wasn't how he imagined it. He thought it was suppose to be this magical moment and he says I love you to her, but it always feels forced. She seems to mean it, and he would feel guilty about practically lying, however they were never truly together in the way most people are. They need to be together for the school, to keep everything in order. At least, that's what they tell each other to keep their place at the top of the social ladder.

"Cally," Maya's voice broke his thoughts and she pouted from where she was sat on his lap now. He didn't even remember her moving there, too caught up in his thoughts. She tilted her head, examining his face and asked in concern,"Are you alright, sugarplum? You look sick."

He mentally grimaced at the nickname,"I'm just tired."

"People say that when they're..." She trailed off, biting her lip and whispered quietly,"You're not depressed are you? You can talk to me if you want, I will listen if you need. We're dating, you can trust me no matter what honeybunches. I am your girlfriend after all."

Though the offer was kind, and her eyes showed sincerity, he couldn't do it. It didn't feel right with her. His problems could get out, people would judge him for not being perfect and it wouldn't work. He can't relate to her, he can't trust her even though she is a trustworthy person. He can't open up to her because he doesn't know her and she doesn't know the real him.

So, he just nodded like always. He put on his fake smile, kissing her quickly to distract her and his friends started joining him in on the conversation. As if they didn't abandon him that day in gym just because Luke beat him in running. Because these are his friends and they always come back to him. At least that's what he wanted to believe.

Meanwhile, across the cafeteria Michael and Luke were in line and getting their lunch. Actually, Luke was getting his lunch and Michael was just following like a shadow and clinging to him. He feels safe with Luke and can always count on him. Luke was his rock and that's not the best thing ever, because no one should rely on a person but Luke hasn't let him down before and he trusts that he won't.

After Luke got his food (pizza like always) they were going to go to their usual table in the corner of the cafeteria by the trash cans but Luke halted, Michael stumbling into him and looked at Luke with his confused face. He spotted Luke looking over at Ashton, who was reading and snacking on an apple. He wore a orange hoodie and his dirty blonde fringe hung in front of his glasses-covered eyes.

Luke turned to Michael,"C-Can we sit with him? Just today, I promise. I just want to talk to him, you know? We're suppose to make friends and well, Ashton can be our friend."

Michael nodded, giving Luke a tiny smile and Luke took his hand then led Michael to the table where Ashton sat. The fringe-haired boy looked up in confusion, seeing the two sit across him. His eyes widened slightly, but raised an eyebrow at them as if asking why they're here.

Luke grinned,"Hey, watcha reading? I always see you with a book in your hand, m'guessing you really enjoy a nice novel everyday."

"I highly doubt you care what I'm reading," Ashton snorted, acting like his usual self. As if he never showed Luke his tattered arm and heard of his passed burning. He had that smug look in his eyes, the thick, black framed glasses acting as his shield from his true self.

Because Ashton likes being confident, smart and a little conceited. Even if it's not who he truly is, that's who he wants to be. And Luke said a lie can turn into a truth, so maybe an act can turn into reality. Maybe if he works hard enough, he can actually be confident.

A look of disbelief crossed Luke's face and he scoffed,"Ash, c'mon. Tell me about this amazing book that you can't seem to stop reading. It must be good, you barely looked up when we got here."

"It-It's the Outsiders," Ashton admitted, showing him the cover and Luke nodded with a small smile.

He asked curiously,"Is it good?"

"Really good, I kind of read it twenty times already but I just really love it. The movie is good too, but nothing beats the true story, you know?" Ashton giggled slightly, catching Luke off guard cause seconds ago Ashton seemed annoyed and now here he is being all happy and laughing even though nothing funny was said.

Luke nodded, but he really didn't know. He wasn't into books, even if it's a good one, he can't read. Well, technically he can read, but he can't get into a story. He needs a screen, the image already set because he doesn't have a good enough imagination to create his own.

Plus, he really just nodded because Ashton was smiling at him and he couldn't help but agree to whatever was said. He took a bite of his pizza, seeing Michael snuggling his lion to his chest and being his quiet self. He would let him join in on the conversation, but Michael can't be forced to socialize. If he has enough chances to, he will eventually. That's just who he is, he needs to be comfortable around someone.

So, Luke turned to Ashton and asked,"What's it about? The book, I mean."

Honestly, he didn't care about the dumb book. But, Ashton's eyes lit up at the opportunity to talk about his favorite book ever and instantly started talking about sodapops and something with gold. Luke didn't focus on his words, but more on his emotions and the way he would use his hands to put emphasis on his words.

It was more of an observation, it wasn't admiration at all. Luke was simply watching Ashton's lips as he talked, noticing how he occasionally licked them in between his words. How sometimes he bit them when trying to think of a word and how he pushed his fringe from his eyes as it wasn't getting a bit too long, but Ashton would never cut it until he was forced to by his perfectionist of a mum.

When Ashton was done, Luke grinned and Ashton asked with excitement,"Why don't you read it? Then you can understand more and see how wonderful it portrayed the characters. I honestly cried, it was such a good story. It was a classic, and though some people don't like it, I honestly think it's the greatest story ever. So unique and not all about that lovey dovey shit people are planting it kids heads. It showed a bond between guys and brothers. It's all about friendship."

"I don't know, I'm not really into books, like I said," Luke hesitated, not wanting to make Ashton upset but not being the person to just read something.

However, Ashton frowned and sighed,"Please? It's a real page turner, I bet you would love it."

"I...alright," Luke gave in, taking the book Ashton eagerly handed to him and gave the boy a small smile. 

For a while, they chatted about some movies both enjoy. Ashton loved superhero movies, while Luke was into some comedies and that's how they ended up in a debate on whether or not Sky High is considered a 'superhero' movie. Though the characters are superheros, Ashton insisted it wasn't a classic and that it didn't count.

This led to Luke rambling on about 'what classifies as a classic?' and Ashton just pouted until Luke gave in, and they said Batman was pretty funny. Mainly the joker, so they considered that to be the best. As Ashton left to get a bag of crisps from across the lunch room, Luke grabbed the 'Outsiders' book and put it in his bag.

"Hey, Mikey, do you want my french fries?" When he didn't get a response, Luke sat up after zipping his bag and turned to the boy. "Michael?"

"Oh, u-uh, no thanks," Michael stuttered, eyes focused on Calum who was kissing Maya as if they weren't in a public place where they can get caught. It seems like no one notices cause they're popular. Or they just don't care. 

Luke raised an eyebrow when noticing where he was looking,"Uh, why are you staring at Calum?"

"I-I'm not," Michael retorted, glancing down with a small blush and held Daniel the lion to his chest with a sheepish expression. The guy can't lie well, Luke knew this. "But, um c-can you see if he wants to,l-like, sit with us?" Luke went to protest, but Michael pouted slightly,"P-Please Lukey?"

And he just knew the boy's weakness. He huffed, trying to avoid the kitten expression but it didn't work. He reluctantly got up, patting Michael's head and rolled his eyes. He didn't want to go to the jock table. Even though they talked to him that one time in gym, they still make fun of him and shove him around.

When he went over, he felt his face fluster as all their eyes landed on him. He smiled quickly, they all grumbled and went back to their conversations and Luke was glad Maya left to the cheerleaders. Luke went to Calum, who glanced up from who he was talking to and eyes widened when seeing Luke standing there.

He gave him a knowing look but Luke asked quietly, hoping no one heard him,"Hey um do you wanna like sit with us or something?"

"Luke," He snapped under his breath, sneakily motioning to the guys watching in a mixture of amusement and confusion.

The blonde turned to where Michael sat with a hopeful expression, and he sighed when looking back at Calum and pleaded,"C'mon, Michael asked...? He's the one who asked me to ask you."

Surprisingly, Calum's face softened at the mention of the boy's name. But, then a guy snorted and asked,"Dude, what's this blonde faggot doing here?"

"Oh um," Calum hesitated, feeling Luke's eyes burning in the back of his head when he faced back to the others. "No reason, just wanted to ask me about this dumb project we need to work on."

A look of disbelief filled Luke's face, and he saw Calum's desperate expression. Usually he would call him out, but he put on a fake smile,"Yeah, it's a history project. Thanks again, I should go back to my table. See you later."

"Whatever," Calum scoffed, letting out a quick sigh of relief.

Garrett rolled his eyes,"What a freak."

The word reminded Calum of when Michael said he would be labeled as a freak. He quickly glanced over to where he saw Michael frowning at him, a disappointed look on his face. A pang in his chest was felt, but he laughed with his friends,"Yeah, he's so annoying. I'm just glad it's almost over, wouldn't want to get stuck with him again."

He wasn't away of Luke overhearing the words as he went back to table. The blonde frowned, stuffing his hands in his pockets and for some reason knowing Calum said that hurt. He tries ignoring his words, because he knew he didn't mean them but it still was hurtful to know Calum was embarrassed of them.

When he sat down, Michael asked quietly,"H-He's not sitting with us i-is he?"

"No," Luke said sharply, sending daggered eyes to the table of jocks and jerks. "I'm sorry, I know you wanted him to sit with us."

"I-It's fine, I-I don't care," Michael shrugged, lying through his teeth. Luke could see this longing look in his eyes, almost like he really care about what Calum did or said. As if...it hurt more than if he just liked him as a friend. Almost like he had a crush on the guy.

He frowned, not sure what to make of this. He didn't pester Michael, knowing he was just going to lie or not speak in protest. Michael doesn't take advantage of his selective mutism, sometimes he gets so nervous that words can't even force their way out. But Luke jokes that he is lucky cause he can not talk whenever he doesn't want to and people would assume it's because of his muteness.

Before Luke could say anything, Ashton returned and all his attention turned to the boy who winced slightly when his arm hit the end of the table. Luke wasn't going to question it. He doesn't want to hover over him, but he will make sure he's okay and Ashton smiled as their eyes met, giving him a small nod and that was probably the best lunch ever.

-

Being a part of a club means people need to stand up for each other and be friends. Not go around acting like they never met and don't mean something to each other. Not all clubs are like this, but the S.O.S club is. They are there to make friends but that can't happen if everyone isn't being honest or at least nice to each other.

So, when Calum walked in the club and saw the three boys turn to him, he felt himself panic slightly. Their eyes were all cold, except Michael's which held the same disappointed look that caused his heart to ache for some same reason. It wasn't normal for him to feel a pang in his chest over some guy.

He shut the room door, contemplating if he should leave while he can and run. Their expressions weren't friendly at all and he already knew what was going to happen. He reluctantly walked over, setting his bag down and slowly took his usual seat next to Ashton.

"Okay, I - I know I have been a jerk and I really don't blame you for kicking me out," Calum sighed, running a hand through his dark hair and tried not to show his sadness. Because it's a dumb club, he doesn't care if they kick him out or not. They all hate him anyways.

Luke scoffed, sitting down in the chair facing them,"We're not kicking you out."

"You're not?" He asked in confusion.

Ashton spoke up,"We're just sick of your bullshit."

"Nice way of putting things," Luke said in amusement, receiving a small smile from the boy. He turned to Calum,"He's right though. We can't force you to be open about us being...friends. But, if you want to stay in this club, you can't go around treating us like trash and making fun of us. Don't be open about being in the club, whatever, but when you make fun of me and Ashton and Michael, we're not putting up with it."

A look of guilt formed on Calum's face, him glancing at the others and saw Michael and Ashton both had their heads down as if afraid to speak. To tell the truth. He knew he wasn't being fair to them, however he was never really aware of what his words meant and how they effected others.

He nodded slowly,"I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry if you don't mean it," Ashton repeated.

Before Calum could say anything, Luke clapped his hands to get the others attention and gave them a warning look meaning to not argue. Calum and Ashton shut up but slouched in their chairs. Like always, Michael was quiet the whole time and just observing. 

Luke was grabbing the box, and Michael watched the way Calum was yawning, rubbing his eyes occasionally and he fidgeted in his chair. He could see Calum had something going on and wasn't admitting it. But, he can't talk to Calum. He doesn't want to because Calum doesn't deserve his attention and words. At least, not right now.

Soon Luke returned, pulling a random card from the box and read it out loud,"Physical flaws. That's our topic today, I guess and the question is; What is one thing you don't like about yourself physically and why? Okay, so Michael, why don't you go first."

"I...o-only one?" Michael frowned, and Luke nodded, giving his knee a small and comforting squeeze. Michael glanced at his legs, wondering if that's what he hates the most. Honestly he hates all of his body. But, he simply went with,"I-I don't l-like my stomach."

"Why?" Luke questioned, trying not to get choked up over the thought of his friend hating his physical appearance. He thought Michael was beautiful.

But, Michael shrugged and shakily said,"I-It's squishy and ugly a-and I'm not skinny."

A small silence fell, Michael glancing down to avoid everyone's sympathetic gaze. He didn't like the attention. He didn't like how he was in a room with attractive, skinny and gorgeous boys while he was sat there with his pasty pale skin and his uncooperative hair.

Luke nodded slowly, lightly rubbing his friend's leg and turned to Ashton with a sad smile,"What about you, Ash?"

"My smile," Ashton said simply. 

That caught Luke off guard, cause Ashton's smile was probably his favorite thing about the boy. He raised an eyebrow,"Oh, um why?"

"It's ugly and always forced and, and I just hate the way it shows my teeth cause my teeth are so ugly and my lips are weird and my dimples are too big. I wish they weren't there. I would still be ugly without them but at least I would look somewhat normal," He said quietly, sneakily picking at the cuts in hopes that maybe they will open but they're too healed and he didn't like the way Luke looked at him with pity.

Luke sighed silently, turning to Calum,"Now you're turn."

He expected Calum to say he's not insecure about anything. Much to his surprise, though, Calum admitted,"I hate my eyes. They're boring, they're not blue or green or hazel like all of yours. And people always think I'm asian but I'm not and I don't why, but it bothers me. Being called something I'm not."

There it was. Michael looked up, eyes meeting his and he gave Calum a small smile. Because he was opening up and that's all they wanted from him. Even if it's something small like that, it was something and that's leading somewhere. Knowing that Calum trusted them to say this brought a little hope.

Luke was sad, knowing all his friends (maybe) were insecure over their perfect bodies. Sure, everyone has flaws and hates at least one thing about themselves, but hearing what they were was shocking. He loved Michael's stomach, even if he's barely seen it and he loves Ashton's smile and Calum's eyes. But, apparently they don't.

When he went to get up, Ashton's voice was heard like always,"Your turn, Luke."

"R-Right, forgot," Luke chuckled awkwardly, sitting down and mentally huffed in annoyance. "I guess I hate my legs."

"Why?" Ashton asked, glancing at the long legs of the blonde.

The taller boy rubbed the back of his neck as he admitted,"They're just really long, you know? And sure, people find it attractive. B-But, um sometimes people make fun of my height and my legs are a part of that. And it just bothers me a lot, cause they're also girl legs since they're all skinny and stuff."

Ashton nodded, the others looking at Luke intently and he awkwardly got back up and rushed to put everything away. He winced slightly, feeling his side hit the shelf on his way back to the others. The bruise from his dad still there and he hid the pain when returning.

For the rest of the cub meeting, they all chatted about their insecurities but of course Luke limited his words. He spoke more to the others about theirs instead of his own. He tried making them realize how perfect they are, telling them nice facts about dimples, cute stomachs and brown eyes to make them feel better.

It was nice, it really was, but sometimes Ashton wanted to know what makes Luke sad. Why he was here in the club, not just because he started it. He knew there was a reason and he could tell it was hidden under the hoodie covering his body and wants to know, he wants to see Luke's pretty smile. Not the fake one, the real one that made his blue eyes bright.

When it ended, everyone left and Michael was with Luke as they walked out. Ashton left the room with his bag, but stumbled and groaned when he dropped it causing all his books and binders to fall out. He grumbled, grabbing them and froze when noticing a familiar hand pick up his 'Breaking Dawn' book and blushed slightly when hearing Calum chuckle in amusement,"Oooh, someone likes vampires and shirtless guys?"

His face reddened more, quickly putting his stuff away. He pushed his glasses up as they slid slightly and shakily gathered his items. He hated being made fun of just because he likes something. So what if no one else does? It's what he enjoys and he doesn't make fun of others for their hobbies or interests.

After packing everything back up, Ashton stood up and snatched the book away then turned down the hall. Calum scoffed,"I think you forgot to say thank you."

"For what? Making fun of me? Of course, thanks for pointing out that I enjoy seeing a guy without a shirt on," Ashton snapped, rolling his eyes at the guy.

Calum sighed,"I'm sorry."

"No you're not, quit saying that!" Ashton exclaimed, irritated with him.

A look of disbelief crossed Calum's face,"Don't assume shit. You're not mad at what I said, you're mad at me for insulting you all those other times and you're holding a grudge but you shouldn't. I never meant what I said before, I was - I was just playing around. I am sorry for that though."

"You may not have meant what you said, but you're not sorry because you like getting attention and you like being popular, so you'll do whatever you have to if that means having all eyes on you. Even if that meant treating three people who have been decently kind to you like trash. We would be nicer if you would be too. At least we're not going around and calling you a nerd, a freak, and a faggot," Ashton scowled, eyes dark and Calum heart dropped at the emotions in them and the tears rimming his eyes.

"I never said that!" Calum retorted, glaring at Ashton.

However, Ashton retorted,"You did, I heard you! You told your little friends that I was a faggot and you're a homophobic little prick, Calum!"

"I'm not a homophobe, I would never make fun of someone for being something they can't control," Calum retorted, heart pounding in his chest and a lump forming in his throat. "I - I don't do that. I - I not a bad person. Fuck, Ashton, I didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant to ... to make you cut."

"Don't even bring that up," Ashton sneered, clenching his jaw as Calum looked at him in pity.

However, he didn't listen,"No, I will bring it up. Because it's not good. You shouldn't hurt yourself just cause a few people are jerks or stupid like me. You need to stop. It's bad, it can kill you. I hate the fact that you hurt yourself, o-okay? You need to stop, please don't do it anymore."

A sadly amused look appeared on Ashton's face, his eyes filled with tears as he let a humorless laugh,"So it's okay for you to hurt me but it's wrong for me to hurt myself?"

"No, I didn't mean th-"

"You know, you say that a lot and you should learn to think before you speak. Words are like knives, they leave scars. Get your head out of your ass and realize that some people have other shit going on and the world doesn't revolve around you," Ashton said, giving Calum a quick glare and turned down the hall, leaving Calum alone. 

And his words stuck with Calum all night, as he tried to sleep but failed like always.


	7. Chapter 7

Children were running around and screaming 'boo!', teens were checking out all the slutty and dumb costumes and parents were trying to find 'cool' and 'scary' decorations while Michael and Luke were awkwardly waiting for a couple who were making out to move out of the isle they're trying to walk down.

Michael glanced at Luke with a small frown, their hands held and Luke was basically holding Michael's sleeve since he wore his usual hoodie that slipped past his hands. He gave him a small smile, sighing and tugging him away as the couple continued kissing without realizing they were holding up two teen boys who wanted to find costumes.

It was Sunday, a week before the party and they were searching for costumes that weren't too dorky. The last couple of years were spent with them handing out candy (mainly Luke) and Michael was standing behind him the whole time with timid smiles as kids rushed up the steps.

They were always spent at Michael's place since Luke's parents hated any holiday. All his were spent with Michael and his aunt, but mainly it was them two. Never did they regret having a Christmas or Halloween together because they somehow make them decent even if Luke would have a black when he gave Michael his present that was always made instead of bought.

Either way, he was hoping this year will be different now that they're 'friends' with Calum and Ashton. Maybe if they get closer in the next two months, they can spend Christmas together. Or so he was assuming. Both boys probably didn't have the best holidays either, sadly.

After searching for a bit, Michael let out a squeaky sound to get Luke's attention as he tapped his shoulder. Luke looked up, from where he was crouched down and looking at a few different costumes. He saw Michael pointing to a kitten costume and Luke chuckled, walking over and looking at the sizes.

He gave Michael a sympathetic gaze,"Sorry, babe. There isn't one in your size. And um, I don't think it's the best idea to wear it to a party anyways. Some people might make fun of you."

A frown formed on Michael's lips, he nodded in understanding. He knew people would tease him but they probably would no matter what he wore. People still do it at school anyways, and he's being himself there. He doubts him changing into a costume would make a difference.

They looked around some more, Luke grinning when he found a spiderman costume in his size. Michael giggled, nodding when Luke held it up questioningly. Michael thought it would look cute on him. Plus Luke was so spiderman material, having the nice height and broad shoulders.

As they looked around some more, Luke placed a hand on Michael's shoulder and they went down the next isle where it was more masks and ears for costumes with animals. Michael followed Luke and he put his hand in his hoodie's packet where Daniel his lion was stuffed secretly. In public he tries being more discrete about it, because their stares seemed more hurtful than the one's at school.

Suddenly Luke held up a set of lion ears that had a orange mane and a yellow mask that had a nose as well and it made Michael smiled sightly, nodding eagerly. Luke hesitated, trying to find a better one that didn't look so cheap. But they were limited on money anyways. Michael's aunt gave them money to 'get out of the fucking house and stop eating all their food' and yeah, she wasn't very nice.

Luke sighed,"I think these are the only ones that will fit you. You sure you want it?"

A hesitant look appeared on Michael's face and he shyly asked,"W-Won't people t-tease me?"

"Don't worry, if they do then I'll beat them up," Luke said cheekily, puffing out his chest to make Michael laugh. It worked. Feeling relieved, Luke wrapped an arm around his shoulder and they went to the dressing room so Luke could try on the costume.

They made sure no one was looking and went in together. Michael stepped back, giving him some space and Luke stripped down to his boxers. Michael frowned at the bruises on his body and glanced down. He didn't like seeing his best friend so beat up and hurt. It made him sad, because he could never convince Luke to call the cops. If Michael did, Luke could always deny it and he most likely would.

He knew what his dad was doing is wrong, but he's toughening it out. He's going wit it until it's time for Uni. He believes that he can make it and he has for years, so maybe he can. It's just the thought of Michael knowing and not telling one that hurts, Michael wants to help but he can't. The most he can do is clean up Luke's wounds and tell him how 'no one can see them now' as if the make up was covering up his home life.

Luke felt Michael staring and quickly pulled on the costume. He had Michael zip it up and walked in a small circle to see if it was easy to walk in. He was happy to feel it was. He put on the head covering (mask) and probably wouldn't wear it a lot since it was suffocating. He turned to Michael, spreading his arms out.

"Does it look good?" He received a smile and nod in response. Luke grinned,"Okay, we should probably get you home now, it's almost nine."

After stripping down and changing, they headed to the register and Michael cringed at how many people here were and gripped onto Luke's hand. The blonde gave him a pitied expression, slipping his arm around Michael's waist instead and Michael curled into his side.

When they waited in line, people stared at them and he wasn't sure if it was because they were two boy's cuddled together basically, Michael trembling in his arms at the amount of people, or the fact that Michael was holding Daniel. He didn't mind. Michael is his friend, he likes being close with him and couldn't care less what people thought.

They paid for the costumes, and the lady gave them judgmental looks at their costumes. Luke nearly scoffed cause she was probably wearing a playboy costume. They didn't thank her and simply snatched the bag from her petite hands that held fake nails and walked out of the store sassily.

Luke went to turn towards the street leading to Michael's house, but Michael stopped him and asked quietly,"C-Can I stay a-at your house?"

"We have school tomorrow, Mikey," Luke reminded and didn't want Michael to see him get hit by his dad. Michael has seen before, it wasn't nice at all. But Luke knew his dad would be mad when he got home since he said he'd be home by eight but he and Michael had money to shop and he knew his dad would be more mad if he asked.

A small pout formed on Michael's lips and he hugged Luke then asked with a pleading voice,"I-I just want to h-hold you after you g-get hurt. C-Cuddle with you, Lukey, c-cause you need one."

His heart practically broke and Luke sighed sadly, nodding and the two walked to Luke's house. He felt grateful to have such a nice friend that cared about him. They were always there for each other and that's what made them special. It's what made people question their relationship status and neither blamed them since they were practically dating without the label and sexual stuff.

When they got to Luke's street, it was now nine and he prepared himself for the smacking, the hitting and the yelling he was about to receive. He hesitated, leading Michael to the back of his house and grabbed the ladder they hid behind the bushes. They do this way too often, sometimes Michael sneaks in when his aunt is being a bitch and he needs his friend or sometimes Luke texts him after his dad would hit him.

He doesn't do that anymore because he doesn't want to seem needy or weak. He wants to be there for Michael instead and help him instead of asking for help himself. He wants to make others happy because it helps him forget his own sad feelings and distracts him.

After Michael climbed up and opened the window Luke kept unlock, he made sure he was in before going to the front door once the ladder was put down. When he got there he opened the front door and saw his dad look up from the TV with a glare on his face. 

Luke put on his blank expression and his dad practically stomped over, gripping Luke's arm and shoved him towards the clock on the wall. He sneered,"Tell me what time that says. Tell me, Lucas."

"Nine fifteen," Luke said, breath hitching when his dad tightened the grip on his arm so hard that it probably would give him fingerprint indents.

His dad shoved him against the wall where a painting was and Luke hissed at the edge that jammed into his side and the man snapped,"Exactly. I told you to be home at eight and it's over an hour passed eight! Get the fuck to your room and you better lock that door or I'll do a lot worse to you than I already have. Now!"

Luke was stuck in his spot, pain in his back and he could barely move but his dad smacked him right across the face and he immediately rushed up stairs trying to hold back the tears and scowled at his father while gripping his stinging cheek. He halted when noticing Michael standing at the top of the steps with a frown and clinging onto his lion resembling a small child.

Neither of them said anything. Michael simply led him into Luke's room and shut the door, locking it. Luke sat down and Michael grabbed the small cooler Luke kept under the bed that he restocks. It happens way too often, Michael thought as he grabbed a wash cloth and put the ice in a small bag, covering it with the cloth and sat with Luke.

He held it to the blonde's face, seeing he had tears welled up but was trying to hide it. As if he's ashamed when he shouldn't be. If anything, his dad should be. They stayed that way for a while and soon changed, Michael putting ointment on the bruises on Luke's back then they laid down and this time Michael held Luke with Daniel smushed between them and he spooned the taller boy because sometimes Luke needs help too, even if he doesn't want it.

And he knew it was true because when Luke thought Michael was sleeping, the selective mute boy heard small sniffles and he slowly held him closer in attempt to comfort him and Luke's sniffles stopped right when he moved. Michael sighed silently, wishing Luke would just let people help him.

-

The problem with having Michael sleep over and hiding it is that Luke's parents are always trying to get into his room and yell at him for no reason. Luckily the door was locked like his dad asked him to do, so they hid Michael under the bed when his dad was banging on the door and then snuck him out the window and met at the corner of the street.

It was a lot of work, but it was worth it because Luke needed him. The two walked to school together and started talking about the party and what to do and what not to do. Michael was very nervous, which was strange since he's the one who insisted they went, but he wanted to be cool for Calum.

Not that he likes him or anything, cause he definitely doesn't. Calum is very rude and doesn't even like Michael at all, he made it pretty obvious. However, Michael knew something was wrong and he needed a friend, so he wanted to impress him and try to show Calum that he can be cool yet be himself as well. He wasn't going to change for anyone, but he can try to step out of his comfort zone.

When they got to school, they went to class and school really wasn't that fun for Michael. He attempted skipping and going to the library. Sadly the teachers would call his aunt after a certain amount of absences so he had to attend unless he wanted to get yelled at. If Michael hates anything more than school, it's yelling and being yelled at.

For most of the time in class, he simply doodled in his notebook and sneakily put his headphones in his ear since his fringe can hide it well. He wasn't going to admit it, but he can be a bit of a badass when he wanted to be. Aside from his kitten looks, shy actions and love for his stuffed animal. 

When it was time for lunch, he was once again a third wheel. He watched as Luke and Ashton talked about the Outsiders and Luke was only only chapter three but apparently he thought it was decent while Ashton exclaimed how it was a lot more than decent.

"Once you get to like, chapter seven it's the best thing ever!" Ashton assured, grinning and Michael noticed his sleeve fell slightly and revealed maybe four or five butterflies on his arm and furrowed his eyebrows when seeing the name Luke repeated and wondered if he was obsessed with his best friend or if it was some game he didn't know about.

It was none of his business and suddenly he asked without thinking,"D-Do you think C-Calum hates me?"

Luke turned to his friend in confusion,"Why would you say that?"

"H-He doesn't s-seem to like me a-and I think it's c-cause I w-was mean to him," Michael admitted sheepishly, biting his bottom lip while glancing at Luke's food he was eating and looked away quickly.

A look of disbelief crossed Luke's face,"No, Mikey. I promise no one can hate you. Some people don't like you but they're just jealous and don't realize how sweet you are. Calum is just a jerk, okay? I don't even get why he's in the club when he doesn't have any 'problems' but we need to let him in and we can still be his friend."

Before Michael could say anything, Ashton spoke up,"He does have problems, Luke. Just because you can't see them doesn't mean it's not true. He's hiding them and so are you, but I won't pester you about it. You can't neglect him, even if I want to, we need to be there for him to until he's ready to open up."

"I thought you hated him?" Luke asked in surprise, ignoring that Ashton pointed out how he was hiding his problems. He's not hiding them, he's simply not announcing them so he can help the others.

Ashton scoffed,"As much as I want to, I can't. I can tell he has something going on. But we shouldn't talk about him behind his back, that makes us hypocrites. Just don't go around saying a person doesn't have problems when in reality, everyone has something going on in their life. Some people are more open about them then others."

Guilt filled Luke's face but he nodded and Ashton sighed, glancing at the table where he noticed Calum was barely able to keep his head up. He knew he was having sleeping issues, it was obvious. His dad does as well, that's how he picked up on it. Not to mention Calum passed out in front of his house.

He knew he wasn't out partying, but he said it cause he was mad. That's why he gave him the energy gum and told him a shortcut to his house. Because even if Calum is a jerk and bullied him verbally, he is a jerk who's lonely and Ashton wasn't going to let him fade away.

He turned to Luke and gave the boy a small smile,"So, anyways, how did you do on the Spanish test?"

"I got a C," Luke admitted, being slightly proud because he had a bad grade in the class and so maybe the C will boost his grade a little since he usually gets F's.

A proud grin formed on Ashton's face and he let Luke have his brownie like a reward. Luke offered Michael a piece, who declined and stared at Calum nonchalantly. Seeing how he nodded lazily at whatever his girlfriend was saying and frowned at the way they shared a small kiss.

It wasn't long till the bell rang and Michael was relieved because he didn't appreciate listening to Luke and Ashton flirt unknowingly. It was obvious they liked each other but he also knew both weren't ready to do anything about it. They just met officially and it would be too fast if they got together. Right now they're simply at the 'I like you but I just like flirting at the moment' stage.

Everyone separated to their next classes and Michael was annoyed at how many classes were in a day because he was not in the mood to go to all of them. But he knew it was needed apparently and sat through math with a bored expression and snuggled his lion in his chest and was happy to be in the back of the class so no one could tease him.

It was at the end of the day when Michael went to his locker. He got ready to go to the S.O.S club since they had a meeting today. He was worried about the topic. As much as he loves the club, he also is nervous to attend it whenever they have a meeting since he has to speak and lately he's been okay with talking infront of Calum and Ashton. But he still worries about their opinions.

After grabbing his back and beanie, he turned to leave but was suddenly slammed against the locker and let out a small whimper of pain. He opened his eyes, seeing glaring grey ones boring into his own. The guy Michael recognized as Calum's friend snickered,"Afternoon, retard, need help speaking today?"

Michael cringed in on himself, hoping the guy would leave because it's rare that he gets bullied. However it does happen and mostly it's name calling but this guy was hurting him and he wanted him to leave. He hates seeing Luke get hit and knew Luke would be mad if he was as well. But unlike Michael, Luke would defend him.

"Aw, is the pipsqueak scared?" He teased with a smirk, shoving Michael further against the locker till the lock was digging into his back and he held in a yelp at the pain.

Before the guy could do anything else, a voice called out,"Hey let him go, Garrett!"

Michael turned and saw Calum walking over casually, as if Michael wasn't pressed against a locker by one of his douchebag friends. Garrett rolled his eyes, shoving Michael away and Garrett scoffed,"What's your problem, Calum? M'just teasing him."

"He's not worth it," Calum retorted, smirking and nudged the guy. "Hey, I heard Rachel was looking for you. I think she's heading over to the soccer field."

A grin formed on Garrett's face and he patted Calum's back then rushed and shoved passed Michael. The rough impact made him stumble and a hand grabbed onto his side. He blushed when seeing Calum helping him steady himself but quickly glared and tugged away form him.

"C'mon, I just defend him!" Calum whined, following Michael to the room where the other two were most likely waiting and he sighed in annoyance when Michael simply shrugged. "Don't I at least get a thank you? I don't get why you're still mad at me, I'm trying to be your friend. You can at least meet me halfway."

Michael sighed, pausing in front of the room and said quietly,"H-Helping me w-won't help yourself, C-Calum."

Calum's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, not understanding what he meant but rolled his eyes when Michael simply went into the room being a mystery little shit. He grumbled, ignoring the tingling feeling he got when hearing Michael say his name and followed till he was sat in the chair next to Ashton like usual.

Since their little fight, they were very awkward around each other and a small space was inbetween their chairs but neither brought it up. The thing is, Calum does get what Ashton means. He can be cocky, sorry doesn't solve everything and he should have known he wasn't the only reason Ashton cuts. But, he didn't know what to say and wasn't thinking that far into it like he should have before speaking.

He glanced at Ashton, their eyes meeting and Ashton quickly looked to Luke who was getting the box of papers which held their topics. Calum yawned, eyes drooping with exhaustion but quickly widened them open so he could focus more and not fall asleep. Ashton noticed, wanting to say something but Luke already started speaking.

"Okay, so today's topic is," He paused, grabbing a paper and unfolded it then read what was on it. "Sports...I guess."

Everyone turned to Calum, who held back a blush,"Sorry."

Luke snorted,"It's cool. Okay, so the questions are what's your favorite sport and have you ever been on a team or joined one? If so, what was it like? Michael, you go first."

Michael shook his head,"I - I don't like sports."

Calum frowned,"How can you not like sports?"

"Because not everyone likes what you like," Ashton sighed, voice not rude but simply explaining. 

He nodded slowly, glancing at Michael who avoided his eyes. He didn't understand why he wasn't talking to him. It wasn't like Calum didn't apologize or do anything to prove he cares somewhat about the weird, quiet boy. He just wants to be friends with him or at least have Michael forgive him.

The quiet boy continued,"I - I kind of like swimming but that's i-it."

A small smile formed on Luke's face and he then nodded at Ashton, who said,"I played soccer for like, a year and that was in primary school. I didn't really like it and my mum made me quit anyways since it was getting in the way of my schoolwork and I didn't need ton know soccer to get into Uni. Well, not in the field I want to study."

"Why didn't you like it?" Luke asked curiously.

Ashton shrugged,"It wasn't my thing, I guess."

The small conversation dropped and they already knew what Calum played, but had him answer anyways. He said,"I like track cause well, I love running."

"What's it like? Does it ever stress you or something?" Luke questioned, wanting to see if that's what his 'problem' was since Ashton wouldn't tell him. If he's going t help Calum then he needs to know.

Calum hesitated, glancing down. Sometimes he feels forced to run and do track because it's his dad's dream for him to follow in his footsteps as captain. But, he loves track so it's not fully forced. His dad just works him to the extreme and makes him run extra laps after practice.

However, he shrugged,"Not really, I love it. I mean, it gets me to where I am at the top of the school social status, wh-" He yawned, coughing to cover it up and continued,"Why would I hate it? Plus it gets me pumped and I want to run in Uni too."

Before Luke could get up, Ashton quickly said,"What about you? What sport do you like?"

"Oh, I don't know," Luke said awkwardly, tapping his finger on the box on his lap.

Ashton chuckled, rolling his eyes,"C'mon, I know there's something. Don't lie to me."

"I like track," He admitted, avoiding Calum's annoyed expression. "But I never played on a team or anything, I just love running and feeling free. Like I could go anywhere in the world if I kept going fast enough. Kind of weird, but I don't know, that's just what I like to imagine."

A fond expression formed on Ashton's face and he asked curiously,"Why didn't you ever try out?"

Calum glared, Michael noticing and giving him a small look that made the glare wipe off his face. At first Luke didn't reply, afraid to admit it but soon he said,"I guess I didn't think I was good enough, you know? It's hard to um, like - there's all those guys who have been training since they were little. It was intimidating."

"Isn't Calum's dad the coach?" Calum mentally smacked Ashton, who turned to him and said,"You can talk to your dad, maybe he can let Luke on the team!"

"Try outs were over a few weeks ago," Calum retorted, grumpily glancing down and suddenly felt a bit light-headed but shook his head and ignored it. "He should have went to try outs, sorry blondie."

Luke frowned but nodded and Ashton quickly pleaded,"Calum, please. If you ask your dad, I'm sure he'll give Luke a chance. Hey, we can go to him right now. Isn't he in the gym? I'm sure he wouldn't mind. He's pretty nice, I had him as my gym teacher last year."

At first Calum went to object, but then Michael got up and gave him this hopeful expression and Calum caved at the wide eyes and jutted out lip in a pout. All four of them cleaned up the room and put everything away then grabbed their bags and went down the hall towards the gym.

Honestly, Luke wasn't sure he wanted to be on the team. He did, but not the school team. Some of the guys bully him constantly and it can cause a lot of tension. However, Ashton was rambling about how awesome he was going to do and patted his back right where a bruise was but Luke bit his lip to hold in a pained sound because he was just happy Ashton was happy for him.

Meanwhile Michael and Calum were walking in front of them and Calum kept stealing small glances at the shorter boy who stared at the ground. He wasn't sure why he kept giving into him, because it wasn't right. He couldn't let a cute pouty face make him melt inside. It's wrong and weird, especially coming for not only a boy, but Michael. The weird kid who speaks in stutters and whispers, if he ever does.

When they got to the gym, everyone waited as Calum went to talk to his dad and Ashton went to make sure he was actually asking and not lying. He grinned when overhearing that he was, giving Luke a thumbs up and heard Calum's dad sigh,"Alright, alright. Let's see what this kid's got."

And yeah, Luke was nervous when he was asked to run and he had to change quickly into his gym uniform that was in the locker room. He didn't expect to run that day, however he wasn't going to let the chance to be on a team slip from his hands just cause he's not prepared.

Ashton and Michael sat on the bleachers, Calum with his dad and they had no idea what was happening. All they knew was Luke had to run, but they simply acted as the cheerleaders and Michael used Daniel as a little pompom while Ashton screamed Luke's name in a girly voice, causing Luke to chuckle breathlessly as he ran.

Suddenly he came to a halt, stopping in front of Coach Hood who was apparently timing him for some reason. Ashton and Michael glanced at each other in confusion, shrugging in sync and went along with it. They stood up when seeing Luke nod eagerly and almost pull Coach into a hug but stopped himself and shook his hand.

Ashton gasped,"You made it?"

Luke just nodded again, grinning like an idiot and Ashton didn't think twice before rushing over and pulling him into a hug. He was sweaty and smelled like a gym sock, but Ashton just melted into a hug, feeling Luke wrap his arms around his waist with a stupid smile on his face.

Michael awkwardly stood behind them, giving Luke a small smile and thumbs up. Calum stood back with a glare on his face and yawned for probably the tenth time, stumbling a bit but stood up straight and Michael noticed. He looked at him in concern, giving him a questioning look as if to ask if he's okay.

Calum nodded,"I'm fine. Let's go, guys. I'm guessing that's the end of our meeting today?" He glanced over, grimacing when seeing the two boys still hugging. "Guys!"

They jumped apart, both blushing fiercely and Luke cleared his throat,"Y-Yeah, that's it. I have to change though."

"We'll wait," Ashton said with a shy smile, watching Luke rush to the locker room to change. He turned to the two boys, and glanced down.

An awkward silence fell, nothing feeling secure without Luke telling them what to do. He was the president, the leader and the one who handled the silences better than the rest. Maybe because he was the one who was civil and able to control everything. Sure, Michael is as well, but it didn't work well since he doesn't talk.

Suddenly, Calum's eyes slowly started to shut and he leaned against the bleachers with small sigh and the two boy's looked at him in confusion. Ashton's eyes widened, and he quickly shook him him causing Calum to jump up, rubbing his eyes frantically when realizing he was falling asleep.

Ashton asked in concern,"Are you alright?"

"Of course, just tired," He shrugged carelessly, blinking his eyes to keep them awake and not closed.

Before Ashton could question him more, Michael watching with a worried expression, Luke's voice was heard as he called them over. At first Ashton hesitated, still worried Calum might fall asleep again. But, the dark haired boy just walked towards Luke anyways.

He kept glancing at Calum, biting his lip nervously and breath hitched when seeing the boy stumble a bit and it was like he was trying to stay awake. But, it wasn't working and suddenly he collapsed on the ground. Everyone quickly rushed over, Michael surprisingly shoving them away and kneeling next to the passed out boy.

He shook Calum, pleading quietly,"C'mon, Calum. W-Wake up! S-Someone get hi-his dad!"

Luke rushed back into the gym, Ashton watching and trying to shake him awake and it only took a few seconds for Calum to open his eyes and he looked at them with a sleepy gaze. His eyes quickly meeting a pair of light green ones, only to try to fall back asleep but be slapped awake.

He jumped at the slap, gaping at Michael who was just frowning and pulling him into a tight hug. Calum squirmed in the grip, but soon accepted it in confusion. His mind was hazy, eyes forcing themselves closed but it wasn't his fault. He was in a warm embrace from a sweet boy who talked softly and he could feel his heart pounding.

"You need to sleep, Calum," Ashton snapped, causing Calum to turn and see the angry yet worried hazel eyes. "You passed out, it's not even funny. Y - You're not taking care of yourself. Please, take some pills or something. It's not safe, you passed out in front of my house. What if you were driving?"

His voice wasn't even harsh, it was more concerned and Calum frowned in guilt. Suddenly his dad was rushing out, panicked with a nervous Luke trailing behind. Relief flooded both their faces and his dad quickly tugged him up and shook his head at his son.

"Oh god, you're okay. We're getting you home young man, we have a lot to talk about," He said with a sigh, running his hands through his thin hair and smiled sadly at the boys. "Thanks for looking after him, and welcome to the team Luke. Goodbye boys."

Calum leaned against his dad with his tired figure, grabbing his bag off the ground. He turned back, giving them a small smile and that was the first time they saw him in a different light. Luke turned to the two boys, not understanding what happened. All he knew was Calum passed out, and that's it.

So, they all grabbed their bags and the three of them walked home together. Ashton's house was passed Luke's, a street down and Michael's was the first on the way there. They caught him up on everything, Ashton talking and Michael just frowning because Calum kept acting like he was okay but he wasn't. And when they hugged, he didn't feel scared or stiff, he felt safe. And now he knew, Calum wasn't a jerk or mean, he was safe.


	8. Chapter 8

It was study hall time for Ashton. It's a free class where he can make up tests, do extra credit, homework or simply do nothing but look like he's being productive. Considering he was failing (to his mum) Science, he was working very hard on studying while in the library.

When he has study hall, there's a required classroom to go to but he asked his teacher if he could go to the library. It's his place where he likes to focus on his work and not be bothered by annoying, loud and barbaric teens that give zero shits about their grades unlike Ashton. 

He tries his best, that's what Ashton does. He likes to make everything perfect, to control anything he can without failing himself. He doesn't like getting B's, maybe because he grew up in a place where a B might as well be the same as getting shot in the head. If he gets a B, he can't eat or go to bed until he's studied and gets an A on his practice online tests.

To others it seems ballistic, and to him it is as well but he wants to do it. He wants to pass and do the best he can because some people are better than him and he's jealous. He hates how people can do sports, join clubs, and still have straight A's while he's struggling with his getting them while not being in any club.

He use to be in a lot a couple years ago. He use to be at a different school, be decently popular (no where near as much as Calum) and be in a lot of clubs. He's glad they're sill on his records. He use to be so friendly and outgoing, but well, all he can say is things change.

Reliving the past won't help his future and Ashton knew this. He didn't like thinking back to his old life. So, he stuck with in the 'now' and tapped his finger while writing out formulas he needs to memorize on flashcards. He pushed his glasses up, biting his lip and mouthed the formula to himself as he went through the cards and answered them to himself.

It was a technique for him. Flashcards are the only way he can memorize things. Otherwise they go in one ear and out the other. If people saw how many he had, they would think he was selling them. His mum always buys him flashcards and makes him study an hour a day with them.

Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder and he jumped, sighing in relief when seeing Calum and asked in confusion,"What are you doing here?"

"I'm getting a paper from the printer," He held up a paper that wasn't double spaced and the paragraph were not indented. It made Ashton cringe and Calum casually sat down next to him. He saw all the cards and papers sprawled out neatly on the table and decided not to ask about it.

Ashton hesitated before questioningly quietly,"Are you okay? I mean, you know, after passing out the other day. You weren't here the last couple days, the boys and I we - we were pretty worried."

Surprise was clear on Calum's face,"Really? I didn't think anyone would really care, to be honest. I actually thought you would throw a party if I was dead or something."

Ashton glared, saying hastily,"Don't ever say that. I - I don't like you, well I don't hate you. But, I would never want you dead or hurt. You're...a jerk and you hurt me a lot and of course I think you're an annoying shit. That doesn't mean I won't be sad if something happened to you."

Calum's eyes casted down, there were still dark circles under them and Ashton knew why. Hell, the other boys probably do too and it made Calum feel so insecure all of a sudden. He didn't like them knowing he was becoming weak. That his body was against him and causing him to not sleep, to pass out and basically ruin his life.

However, he then realized what Ashton said. His words permanently in his mind. He never had anything against Ashton, but he did think he was a nerd and it's not like Ashton cared. He even admitted it himself. But, nerd is an insult now-and-days and he hated hurting the boy when all Ashton did was be nice to him before he started making fun of him.

"I-I'm so sorry, and I know I say it a lot but please don't think I don't mean it. I do, I really do," Calum whispered due to being in a library and he saw Ashton look down. "I never really apologize a lot, but I know I hurt you. And you were right, okay? You're always right and I guess that annoyed me. Cause I hate being wrong. It - It makes me feel dumb and I know I'm not smart, so that just makes me feel stupider."

"More stupid," Ashton corrected, then regretted it when Calum frowned. "And yeah, I know I'm right. I was right about knowing you have insomnia too. I know you passed out from exhaustion. You need to find a way to sleep. Tell your parents or something, your dad is nice and he would understand."

Calum scoffed with a frown,"He's nice, and I do love him. He doesn't realize I'm telling the truth, though. He thinks I was partying like you did."

"I didn't," Ashton retorted, picking at his nails. "I knew you were tired. That you couldn't fall asleep. You had bags under your eyes and can never stay awake in class. It wasn't just for a day, either. It was pretty much every time I saw you and I knew before we even joined the club. I didn't say anything, cause I - I was mad at you for hurting me. But I should have said something anyways."

Tears prickled Ashton's eyes, and he willed them away,"I should have tried helping you. Even if you were mean to me, I should have at least told someone else so you could get help. B-But I had to be selfish and a bitch. I didn't bother helping you and I should have. It shouldn't have mattered if you hated me."

Calum glanced at Ashton's wrist, seeing him scratching the area and he frantically grabbed Ashton's hand, shaking his head hastily,"No, stop. You had every right to ignore me. It wasn't your problem, anyways. You're not responsible for me and shouldn't feel guilty for not helping. If you hadn't told me the shortcut to my house last week, I could have crashed. I was so tired and who knows what would have happened."

A small smile formed on Ashton's lips and he sighed while nodding,"So, we're friends now?"

"I guess you could say that," Calum chuckled, feeling relieved that he made up with one of the boys. Honestly, he thought he would make up with Michael force. Or maybe he was secretly hoping he would.

Ashton glanced at their hands, awkwardly pulling his away from Calum's. Before either could speak, someone walked in the library and Calum's eyes widened when seeing it was Maya. He quickly dunked his head and stood up, Ashton looking at him in confusion.

The taller boy said in a whisper,"I-I gotta go, but I'll see you around. We don't have a meeting today, right?"

"No, but where are you going? I thought we could hang out or something, talk so more," Ashton's eyes then widened when seeing Maya and he glared at Calum. "I thought we were friends now? Are you seriously embarrassed to talk to me just cause you're 'popular' and I'm not?"

A guilty look appeared on Calum's face,"I know it sounds dumb, but you're not exactly...cool. Please don't me mad. You wouldn't understand unless you hung out with them." Suddenly his name was heard and he turned to see Maya looking at him with a grin. He turned to Ashton with a reluctant expression,"I'm so so sorry, please don't hate me."

Ashton bit his lip, watching Calum walk off to Maya and he saw the way they kissed. How they were laughing quietly and Calum pointed at him with a smirk. Ashton knew right away that they were talking about him, teasing him and making fun of him. Just like before and it's like nothing changed.

He nervously glanced at his cuts that were slowly healing but was now open and he frowned deeply, tugging at his hair in frustration when realizing he basically relapsing. So maybe it wouldn't matter if he did again anyways. It's not like anyone would care.

But then when he snuck to the bathroom stall down the hall with a small razor he kept hidden in his wallet, he noticed the name Luke written in red. The markers were faded and barely there, he had to rewrite them a few times after shower but they were there and there was so many butterflies from all the times he wanted to cut.

He didn't want to disappoint Luke. However, what if he actually doesn't care? What if he was just trying to make Ashton feel special when really, he couldn't care less if he died? The thought stuck something in his heart, Ashton sniffling quietly as he leaned against the door of the stall he was in.

Before he could leave, there was a bang and he heard Calum's voice,"Yeah, I was just at the library. Had to print out this stupid ass paper."

"Maya said she saw you with that Irwin guy, Asher or whatever," another voice was heard and Ashton glanced through the slit between the door and saw it was Garrett like always. "I see you talking to him a lot, what? Are you two friends now or something? I expected better."

He saw the nervous look on Calum's face when Garrett wasn't looking. His expectations were high and Ashton was hoping he would at least change the subject, but Calum laughed,"Yeah right, he's a fucking fag. A loser. I wouldn't talk to him even if I had to, he's nothing but a annoying little geek who thinks he's better than everyone."

Garrett snorted, drying his hands and they left the bathroom as his voice quieted while they were leaving,"You got that right, I bet the freak never even kissed anyone, how pathetic. I mean, who would kiss him? A prostitute would deny him, that's how gross he is."

Tears sprang to his eyes, them clenching shut as he slammed his fist against the door to the stall. He bit his lip to hold back a sob, and honestly, he should be use to this. But a week without cutting and trying to be happy let all the depression return and he slid down the wall and he relapsed.

He didn't stop, he kept killing all the butterflies on his arms and he killed Luke. Because he was sad and he felt so rejected by Calum. Who said he was his friend yet talked shit about him behind his back and i really hurt. He knew Calum was a jerk, but he expected more.

It wasn't long till the bell rang and he had tissues pressed to his arm to stop the bleeding and he needed to wash his arm but he didn't have time and just tugged down his sleeves before grabbing his bag and heading to lunch. He kept his head down to avoid stares.

When he got to lunch, he saw Michael and Luke already there since he had to stop his bleeding. As soon as he got there, Luke exclaimed,"Oh god, this book is good. You were right, and I think I'm in love with Ponyboy. He's adorable, even if he's younger. I don't care."

A fake smile formed on his face,"Yeah, he's adorable. Sodapop is better, though."

"I - I like Dallas," Michael spoke up quietly, giving the boys a shy smile. 

Luke smirked, nudging him,"Someone likes badboys."

Michael blushed and shook his head sheepishly,"P-Pft, no. He's s-sweet. B-Badboys are just c-complex and secretly br-broken."

Both boys looked at him in surprise, not expecting him to say that. But maybe it's true. Usually the ones who act confident and cocky are really just sad and need someone to look passed their facade. Their secret smirks are really smiles asking for help and it's hard to see that unless people observe them more.

Ashton nodded in understanding, and lunch was quiet. And Luke saw the way Ashton winced when his arm rubbed against the table as he went to get his phone. His heart dropped, staring right at him while Ashton was checking his phone to see his mum saying she's getting candy to pass out.

When Ashton looked up with a small smile, Luke quickly stopped frowning and asked casually,"So, what are you doing tonight for Halloween?"

"Passing out candy while my mum takes my brother and sister out trick-or-treating, what about you?" Ashton took a bite of his sandwich, noticing Michael staring at Calum's table. He raised an eyebrow, but turn his attention to Luke once again to hear his response.

"Mikey and I were gonna go to that party, remember?" Ashton mentally face-palmed when remember he was suppose to hang out with them. Luke shrugged,"But, hey, why don't we come over and help you pass out candy? It sounds fun, at least more fun than a party with drunk people dressed as bunnies and vampires."

Ashton nodded slowly,"I guess you guys could come over. I don't wanna be alone anyways, my mum really needs to engage herself in egoistic carnal knowledge. She always has fun with my siblings and leave me to do the hard work. I don't understand why she has to be so narcissistic."

Luke looked at him in confusion mixed with fondness because he loves how Ashton sounds so smart. Before he could say anything, Michael frowned and nudged Luke while whispering,"B-But we were going to the party. T-The one Calum invited us too."

"I know, but we can go to Ashton's instead," Luke assured, patting Michael's knee with a grin.

Michael slumped his shoulders, noticing Luke staring at Ashton and he pleaded,"C-Can you ask Calum t-to go with us then?"

"Why don't you ask? He likes you more than me," The blonde pointed out, not really offended because he's not the biggest fan of the guy. But he was right, Calum likes Michael more and he wouldn't be as harsh to the mute boy as he would be with Luke.

Surprising Michael blushed and shook his head,'I-I don't want to. C-Can you please? I-I want him there too. H-He's our friend."

The pouting face had Luke sigh in annoyance, but smile and nod. He decided to wait till after lunch, however. Considering what happened last time, he would rather ask when Calum isn't around his douchebag friends. He would have responded nicer if he wasn't with them.

While lunch went by, Luke kept looking at the arm where he knew most of the cuts were. He figured Ashton had some on the other arm too and it was really hurting him. He knew Ashton couldn't just stop, but he was hoping he wouldn't relapse or if he did then he would tell Luke.

However, he needed to not be so expectant of Ashton. He should be proud because at least he went a week without doing it and that's amazing. Since Ashton practically self-harmed everyday then it was a true accomplishment. So that was good enough for Luke.

When lunch was over, he waved goodbye to Michael and Ashton after getting the fringed-boy's address and phone number which made them all bashful as Michael mentally grimaced with his stuffed Lion clenched to his chest. Then Luke left down the hall towards where Calum was standing at his locker alone.

He sighed in relief, waiting for the halls to clear slightly then rushed over towards him. As Calum headed to his class, Luke grabbed his arm and panted slightly,"W-Wait, I need to ask you something."

"Hello to you to then," Calum scoffed, ripping his arm from the blonde's grip. "What do you want?"

Luke ran a hand through his quiff before replying,"Listen, Michael and I are going to Ashton's to pass out candy and - do you wanna like, join us or whatever?"

A look of disbelief crossed his face,"You were suppose to come to the party tonight. Whatever. I'm going to the party, so you guys go be ten year olds and pass out your dumb candy and watch Casper or Halloweentown cause I'm gonna have fun like most teens."

As he went to leave, Luke pleaded,"C'mon, Calum. Please, just this one time." He ignored Luke but suddenly the blonde said frantically,"Michael wanted me to ask you! He said he wanted you there. That you were his friend."

Calum halted, tensing slightly and a small smirk formed on Luke's face,"Yeah, he's the one that wanted you there and I am honestly getting pissed off at this game you're playing with us. One day you're our friend and the next you're this arrogant jerk acting like you're cooler than us. I'm sorry for being a jerk too, but stop. I'm trying to be nice now and you should too, so come over to Ashton's."

"I - I can't, okay? I'm sorry but I need to go to the party, it's my girlfriend's and she'd hate it if I didn't show up," He exclaimed, trying to make Luke understand.

"Well, I hope your 'girlfriend' that you love so much pleases you cause we're gonna have fun and you're missing out. I hope it's worth disappointing Michael, he's gonna be crushed," Luke said with a sigh, hesitating before handing Calum a paper. "That's Ashton's address if you change your mind and I really hope you do."

He held his books closer to his chest, watching Calum's frustrated expression for a second before giving him a quick nod and went to class. He was late, got a warning and didn't really care because before he left he noticed the guilty look on Calum's face and was hoping he would show up. 

-

At first Luke's parents were mad at him for not hoisting their Halloween party but he didn't care because it was mainly drunk adults smoking pot and partying like they're teens. Honestly, it was gross to see and he was happy when Michael rang his doorbell and rushed outside to where he waited for him.

Michael looked adorable, his headband with a fake mane was adorable and he drew little whiskers and had the fake nose that was connected to the headband all perfect. He also wore this onesie of a lion and was happy to have enough money to buy it at the last minute, but still insisted on wearing the headband. Saying it looked more 'real' than the hoodie part of the onesie.

As they walked to Ashton's, Luke was already feeling hot in the spiderman costume. The fact that Michael was holding his hand didn't help either, their bodies pressed together and Michael clinging to him when people were running around with creepy masks and screaming as if they were dying.

He had his Daniel stuffed animal tucked under his arm and Luke wondered why he brought it, but knew he brought it everywhere and shouldn't question it. When he got to Ashton's, he raised an eyebrow at the costume Ashton had and tried not to laugh like an idiot.

The boy was wearing a my little pony costume and it was a light blue with a rainbow mane and was passing out candy to all the little kids who were squealing and trying to tug at his tail until he snapped at them and they ran off screaming. Michael let out a small giggle, grinning at the costume.

Ashton looked up and groaned in embarrassment, tucking his head down and whined,"Stop it! Don't laugh at me, my-my sister made me wear it."

"Sure, she made you dress as a pony," Luke snorted, nudging him. "I think it's cute."

"Shut up," Ashton rolled his eyes, but blushed and a small smile tugged at his lips.

Luke shrugged,"Nah, I'm good blueberry."

"I'm rainbow dash, I beg to differ!" Ashton retorted, holding his head up proudly while Michael was giggling like an idiot and Ashton glanced at him then Luke, eyeing their costumes. "Aw, you look cute Michael. And um, Luke, you look very...fit. Like, t-the costume looks like it's fitting well, you know? Not that I was observi-oh, kids! I have candy!"

The boy rushed in front of Michael and Luke to give them candy and Luke was trying his hardest not to get flustered. Maybe Ashton didn't mean fit as in hot, but he still took it that way and butterflies reluctantly filled his stomach. But, Michael was still looking for Calum.

It was Luke's fault for not telling him he wasn't coming, but he also didn't want to say he wasn't because he had fate that hopefully Calum would pull through. For a while the three sat on the steps of Ashton's house and they sneakily ate some candy while handing it out to kids.

Everytime one showed up, they would always look at the three boys in awe. Boys loving all the costumes, girls mainly loving the pony and lion while few enjoyed spiderman. And the guys realized it was like they were each the scarecrow, tinman and cowardly lion of Wizard of Oz.

They tried their best to compliment the kid's costumes too, but they usually didn't know what they were dressed as. Most going as a character from cartoons that were new and the boy's didn't know. So they would simply saying they look cool, adorable or beautiful and hoped they didn't seem like perves.

It wasn't long till Luke had to go to the bathroom and Ashton led him to the upstairs bathroom. He thanked him, Ashton going back to join Michael who was nervously sitting there. After Luke did his business, observing the pretty and neat bathroom, he washed his hands quickly and fixed his hair up.

Then he left the bathroom, only to stop when seeing the door to Ashton's room was open.He glanced around, chuckling at all the books and nerdy things Ashton had. He saw his CD and DVD collection sitting by his TV. Like Ashton said, most were superhero and sci-fi movies that mostly involved aliens. Like War of the Worlds and Signs, both great flicks in Luke's opinion.

He then looked towards Ashton's dresser, smiling at the picture of Ashton and some younger boy, probably his little brother mentioned since they look alike. But, as he went to leave he spotted a small locket sticking out of a small box on the nightstand and it was catching his attention right away.

At first he figured he should leave, but he went over to it and glanced at the door before nervously picking it up and smiling at how pretty it was. It felt like real gold, probably expensive and seemed ancient though. Like maybe someone passed it down to him, someone special. He figured a family member judging by the antique sense it gave.

As he went to open it, he jumped when hearing a voice say,"What the hell are you doing?"

Luke stumbled, quickly going to put it away when noticing Ashton glaring at him and stuttered out,"I- nothing, I-I was just-"

"You were going through my stuff!" Ashton exclaimed, eyes widening when seeing the necklace in Luke's hand. He rushed over and yanked it from his grip,"Don't ever touch this, got it? It's mine, and you shouldn't be in here. You were just suppose to go to the bathroom. Not snoop around my room."

The taller of the two frowned, noticing how much the necklace much mean to Ashton. He hesitantly asked,"Who's it from?"

"None of your business, let's go," Ashton said snappily, gripping Luke's hand and dragged him out of the room. Even though Ashton was mad, he felt a bit happy that Luke didn't let go of his hand.

When they got back to Michael, the boy was frowning and asked Luke sadly when seeing him,"C-Calum isn't coming, is he?"

"I guess not, I'm sorry," Luke told him with a sympathetic smile, wrapping his arm around him as soon as he saw the rejected expression on his face. "Hey now, don't get sad on me. We're always happy on Halloween. Now, why don't we go inside and watch some holiday movies?"

Though Michael wasn't in the mood, he nodded and Ashton chuckled, helping Michael up with Luke. The three went inside and decided to change. Michael had clothes underneath his onesie, Luke borrowing some sweats and a tanktop from Ashton, who wore a black weekend warrior tanktop and had his fringed hair combed with some sweats on as well.

They gathered in the living room, watching some movies on the big screen. But, Luke and Ashton were whispering quietly and Michael was at the end of the couch, trying to cuddle with Luke like usual but it wasn't the same when he was chuckling at Ashton's stupid comments throughout the movie.

He didn't mind them being close and talking, because he knew Luke loved to talk and knew Michael didn't. So, he was happy he wasn't forced in a conversation. He wanted to cuddle, though and it was obvious Luke wasn't holding him like usual and had an arm lazy draped over Michael's shoulder.

"Yeah, there's a school carnival to raise money for the soccer teams uniforms, we should all go or something," Ashton mentioned, seeing a carnival on the movie they were watching.

Luke nodded eagerly,"I love carnivals and maybe we could get Daniel a friend."

The teasing tone made Michael from. Before could say anything, there was a knock at the door and Ashton groaned since kids have been knocking even though the lights were off. He got up in annoyance and walked towards the door, opening it and revealing Calum dressed as a Ninja Turtle with a purple mask on.

Michael's eyes widened, Luke surprised as Calum walked in with a sheepish expression,"Um, hi. Hope it's not too late for me to like, join you guys."

"It's ten o'clock, you were suppose to be here at six," Luke pointed out.

But Michael assured,"N-No. I like y-your costume."

"Yet no one else is dressed up, should I take mine off too? I have clothes underneath," Calum snickered, seeing Ashton nod at him but not looking him in the eyes. While Michael and Luke went to make popcorn, Calum walked over to Ashton and said with a sigh,"About earlier today-"

"No, it's fine," Ashton shrugged, playing with the bracelets on his wrist. "I'd rather not talk about it. Let's just have fun tonight, it's Halloween and we should eat candy and popcorn and drink soda while my family is out."

The honesty in those hazel eyes made Calum nod, and he sat down on the leather couch. When Ashton went to sit next to him, Calum grabbed his waist and pulled Ashton on to his lap who was laughing and trying to get out of the grip but slumped against him and gave up.

Soon Michael and Luke returned with popcorn and sodas, only to stop in their step when seeing the two boys sitting in that position. They were laughing and joking around much to Luke and Michael's confusion. Cause only days ago they were yelling at each other.

Luke cleared his throat, causing them to look up and he asked with a tight smile,"What's going on? I thought you guys hated each other."

"Oh, we made up," Calum assured, grip on Ashton's waist tightening.

Luke pursed his lips, nodding slowly,"Oh, that's g-great. But I was kind of sitting there and well, I liked that spot."

Calum raised an eyebrow, but Ashton got up and they scooted down away. Ashton sat by the arm, Luke next to him, then Calum and lastly Michael. As the movie started, the four stayed quiet and all shared two bowls of popcorn. It wasn't long till blankets were sprawled over them after a while.

As a scary movie played, Michael was cringing into the couch and Calum noticed while the other two were laughing and tossing popcorn at each other. He hesitated, wrapping an arm around Michael who flinched but blushed when Calum gave him a small smile and he leaned against him slowly with a content smile. Cause Calum eventually came and that made him happy.

While Ashton leaned his head on Luke's shoulder, Luke glanced at Calum and noticed his arm around Michael. He gave Calum a small smile and mouthed,'Thank you.'

The two words weren't much to some people, but to Calum it was everything. He made a lot of mistakes that day, lied more than he should have and his girlfriend was mad at him for leaving the party early, saying he wasn't in the mood to party anymore.

But, suddenly Michael shrieked quietly and frantically buried his face in Calum's neck with Daniel snug between the two as a person's head was chopped off on the TV. He clenched his eyes shut and it was like Michael trusted Calum to protect him. And the action and thought made everything worth it in the end.


	9. Chapter 9

It was lunch time and Luke was per usual talking to Ashton about the Outsiders and Michael sighed sadly when seeing them chowing down on their brownies and hamburgers. What a terrible combination, he thought to himself as his stomach growled but he ignored it.

He always ignores it.

Michael frowned when noticing Calum talking to Maya, giving her a million kisses while she simply glared and ignored him because he didn't stay at the party. The thought made Michael grin internally, knowing Calum left the early for him and they even cuddled despite him being taken.

He remembered how Calum kept whisper little jokes here and there whenever a scary part popped up to distract him and the memory caused his stomach to fill with butterflies. He wasn't afraid to admit that he really likes Calum. The only problem is he doesn't want to.

Deep down, Michael knew Calum was a nice guy. He obviously doesn't understand the popular and pressures of being at the top of the 'food chain' in school. But he knew there was a lot of pressure and that was good enough to make Michael know Calum was a good person who makes stupid decisions.

His crush could be blinding him, but he doesn't care. There's no such thing as a bad person, people just do bad things and that's what Michael believes. That there is good in everyone and it just takes a person who truly cares to find it and make sure the person can embrace it. Embrace the good in them and diffuse the bad.

It could be wishful thinking, however Michael was a very thoughtful person. Because of his lack in talking, he spends his time thinking and that can help later in life. He has so many words he would like to say but never has the confidence or willpower to do so.

Either way, Calum is one of the few people who can bring his words to life. Whenever Calum is around, all Michael wants to do is talk and tell him he's better than he lets himself think. That he doesn't need popularity and all those jerks to make it in life. That he has the three of them and that's all he needs. Sadly, he couldn't bring himself to say that. Mainly because right now Calum is still a jerk and Michael won't help him that easily. He needs to earn it.

Suddenly the bell rang and Michael frowned when seeing Ashton and Luke walking together, Luke sneakily motioning to Ashton's arm and Michael's heart broke when realizing Ashton must have cut again. He does recall seeing some red lines on his wrist during Halloween. They were hidden quite well, behind make up most likely along with bracelets, but he was hoping he didn't. Ashton is so nice and shouldn't do that.

Instead of making himself cry over a boy who doesn't even talk to him all that much, Michael noticed Calum walking to the bathroom and halted before deciding to follow him. He waited till most of the halls were clear, then snuck in and was relieved when seeing Calum was washing his hands and they were alone.

He didn't see Michael yet, humming quietly and drying them only to jump when noticing Michael in the mirror. Calum clenched his chest and looked at him in disbelief,"Don't do that! You scared the crap out of me."

Michael shrugged, hesitating as he held up his chemistry book questioningly. When Calum just looked at him in confusion, Michael whispered,"I - I failed again. H-Help?"

"Oh, like tutor you?" Calum chuckled, almost in disbelief and that made Michael frown a bit as he held Daniel the lion under his arm. 

Michael nodded and Calum sighed. He glanced at the door then grabbed Michael's arm and tugged him towards the corner of the bathroom. Feeling Calum touching him felt more pleasant than it should. He felt warm and safe with Calum, like no matter what happened or what he said, Calum would be there for him.

Except this one time as the taller boy said,"I can't, I've been ditching Maya and she's getting pissed off. I cancelled things for the club when we had plans, I left the party to go to Ashton's for you...guys. And I can't keep hanging out with you, it's messing up my usual life."

"Y-You don't seem to l-like your usual life," Michael retorted quietly, a bit of sass in his tone and tapped his fingers on his chemistry book.

A glare formed on Calum's face,"Shut up. You don't know me, okay? I was happy before. I had the best time ever and always hung out with my friends and girlfriend but now all I do is go to dumb clubs that are suppose to help people yet all we do is talk about depressing shit!"

"T-Talking helps," Michael narrowed his eyes, but then simply rolled them and shrugged. "If y-you don't like the cl-club then leave."

Calum frowned, watching Michael leave and it always seems like he has the last word. As if he was always right and he was, which is why Calum was so mad. No matter what they talk (more like argue) about is seems like Michael is never wrong and that's what Calum hates. He hates being wrong but he always is and he can't stand it.

He sighed and grabbed his books from the ground. He headed to his next class and couldn't get Michael off his mind. It was like the selective mute boy's rare words were stuck in his mind. He didn't want to leave the club. He kind of liked it, even if he told Michael differently.

For some reason Calum always says the opposite of what he means. Surely he could think before speaking but that never happens and never will. He never has time to, because as soon as words are on his tongue they need to be let out and usually it's not what Calum wanted to say.

He wasn't happy before. He wasn't sad either, but he wasn't happy. He likes his friends, though. They weren't the best people in the world but they definitely were nice to him and yeah they're mean to other people, but that doesn't mean he can't hang out with them.

And that's why in the locker room before track, he joked with his friends and they mentioned Ashton. It seems like they always do which is strange but true. They always talk about him,but it's never anything good and sometimes Calum wonders if they're jealous of him. 

But then he turned to get his shirt, halting when noticing Luke quickly trying to change but wincing. And there were bruises on his body, very dark ones. The image hurt like hell, Calum gaping slightly because who hurt him? Who would do this and why has he never said anything? The club is for everyone, so he should talk about it because he's obviously in need of help and won't talk it.

It was hypercritical to say but Calum doesn't care. He sighed and shook his head. He shouldn't care, Luke was the one who was trying to control him and he won't let him. With that in mind he raced his friends outside and they left Luke alone, causing the blonde to frown but reluctantly trail behind.

Track wasn't too bad, if he's being honest. He liked the sport so he can handle being lonely. Despite being in the S.O.S club with Calum, he was ignored by the boy at track as if they never met. He should have known that would happen, he was just hoping Calum would have a change of heart at some point.

Apparently not. Which is why he was happy to stretch, only for some guy with black hair that may be dyed and it was swept to the side a little to sit next to him on the grass. He had this smirky smile on his face and green eyes. He wasn't sure what to say, considering he doesn't know the guy.

Luckily the guy spoke up,"So, you're the new boy. I gotta say, I was expecting better."

"Oh," Luke sighed, stretching his arms and tried hiding his disappointment. He actually thought he could have a friend, that's what he gets for having high expectations.

However he was relieved when green eyes joked,"I'm kidding, man. I'm Mitchel and you're Luke Hemmings. Nice to know there's a decent guy on the team for once. All we got were jocky bitches who talk about banging chicks all the time and wanting to party."

"Ha, I know right?" Luke laughed awkwardly, unsure what to say.

Mitchel rolled his eyes, and before he could speak Coach Hood blew the whistle and it was time to do a warm up run. Much to Luke's joy, Mitchel ran with him and they even attempted to talk which was hard while running. But they managed and the guy seemed pretty cool.

He wasn't like the others, thankfully. He had this dark aura about him, saying how he loved death. Not the idea of it, but the way it worked and the stories involving it. How it can happen at any moment and Luke was disturbed but also found the way he worded it amazing. Mitchel was wise, is what he learned. Wise and thoughtful.

As they continued doing some sprints and drills, ending with Luke gulping down water and Mitchel barely breaking a sweat as he watched the blonde down a whole bottle in amusement. He had that same smirk, it was kind of hot but Luke would never go for him. Mitchel wasn't his type. He's too dark for the blonde. He prefers light people, who are goofy and not too cocky.

When he went to follow Mitchel to the locker rooms as practice ended, he was tugged back suddenly and stumbled. He heard Calum sneer,"Do not talk to him, Luke."

"Who? Mitchel?" Calum nodded with a glare, glancing at the said person who was waiting for Luke with a careless expression. Luke rolled his eyes,"Since when were you the boss of me? As far as I could tell, you hate me. I doubt listening to you would help me at all. I can make my own friends."

Calum scoffed, wincing when Luke smacked his hand away,"He's not safe. I heard things about him. I'm just looking out for you, if you're smart you'll listen to me."

"Whatever," Luke shoved passed him, ignoring the gaping look on Calum's face when he walked up to Mitchel and they went into the locker room together.

Like he would actually believe Calum. He's not five, he can control his own life. He can make his own friends, he even did a club to do so. But all he got was a dorky nerd that makes him want to cry because he hurts himself and it fills Luke will pain to know this. He got a jock who's his friend one day but enemy the other. And kept his only true friend who he can barely hold a conversation with.

As much as he loves hanging out with the three (strangely) he doesn't want to rely on them. He doesn't want to rely on anyone and the club is more of a support group he hosts to help them, not himself. Which is why he wants to be friends with Mitchel, to forget his sadness when he's not at the S.O.S club and he will forget.

-

"Alright, shirts off boys," Luke orders with a clap of his hands.

Everyone gaped at him, Michael's face paling slightly at the thought of taking off his shirt. He couldn't do that, everyone will see how fat he is. How much weight he puts on and the thought made him feel sick. He didn't like showing his body, which is why he avoids gym and the locker room.

Ashton awkwardly said,"I don't really wanna do that."

Of course Calum shrugged and tugged off his shirt. He didn't notice Michael blushing and avoiding the boys abs when he sat down and they flexed slightly. Luke simply cleared his throat. He figured Calum would be confident of his body, and he can't blame him since he has a nice body.

Luke simply said,"Today's topic is Body Image. We're going to talk about what we love about our body so we can feel more confident over it."

"We a-already did this," Michael reminded quietly.

A small smile appeared on Luke's face, patting Michael's knee,"Yeah, but this is different. That was what we hate about our body. We're shirtless now, we're going to try to make ourselves feel more confident. Or at least that's what I was hoping we could do. I admit, I came up with it so I hope no one cares."

I do, Michael wanted to say but didn't. He watched as the others took off their shirts and looked down at the stuffed Lion in his lap. He didn't like this at all. He already hated his body and now they'll see it. Luke has seen him shirtless, but that was a long time ago and for the past year (maybe) he hasn't and didn't want him to.

It wasn't helping that the other three were so perfect. Ashton having a perfect v-line and nice abs while Calum was the same and Luke had nice broad shoulders and a flat stomach. It wasn't fair. He had to look ugly compared to the others and now they'll know he's gross and fat.

Luke motioned him to take off his shirt, giving him an encouraging smile. He hesitantly got up, setting his stuffed animal down and awkwardly took off his brown hoodie, seeing them watch until Luke gave them a knowing look. Once they were turned around, he quickly took off his shirt an covered his body subconsciously.

When they turned back around, Luke grinned,"There we go. Now, we'll switch this time. Calum you go first, what do you love about your body."

"Everything."

Luke glared.

Calum sighed, glancing at himself and shrugged,"I like my abs. They make me proud, like I accomplished something and I guess since I suck at everything else except sports I like seeing progress. Knowing I finally did something right...plus I like when my girlfriend runs her hands over them."

The mention of the girl made Michael frown, tightening his arms around his body. He wants to go home. He didn't like having hot boys around him, all so perfect and beautiful. When Ashton spoke, he ignored the way he talked about how he loved his thighs. Because Ashton has such nice thighs and Michael's are fat and disgusting.

When Luke went to ask Michael, Ashton spoke up,"You should go now."

"Oh," Luke huffed silently, saying,"I like my arms? I guess cause they're not bulky and I don't have huge biceps but they're good enough for me. Sometimes I get jealous of everyone else's but I guess I never really liked big biceps anyways and now i'm content with them."

Ashton smiled, glancing at his arms and nodded in understanding. He was crossing his arms to hide his cuts and Luke had make up covering his bruises. Ashton didn't know this though, even when staring at them because he was too focused on how beautiful Luke was too see the colored flaws.

Finally it was Michael's turn, and he shook his head when Luke asked, cause,"I - I hate everything."

There has to be something you like about yourself, c'mon babe," Luke pleaded, frowning when Michael just shook his head.

"N-No, I hate my whole b-body."

The three boys looked at him in confusion, not understanding because they can see he has beautiful features. But then Luke felt his heart drop when moving Michael's arms after much protest and seeing how skinny he was. The other two gaped slightly, and no, he wasn't extremely skinny but it was obvious he wasn't at a healthy weight.

Michael grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his body and went to get his hoodie, but Luke grabbed his arm and said hastily,"No, s-stop. What the hell, no Michael - why would you do this to yourself?"

His heart was pounding, hands shaking when having all the attention on him. He doesn't like attention, he doesn't want it and he has it. It wasn't good for him. He looked down to avoid their eyes, wishing he could go back to a few hours ago and skip the club meeting because now they know how ugly he is and how fat he is.

While looking down he didn't see the tears in Luke's eyes as he whispered quietly,"Mikey, talk to me. Shh, calm down babe. Breathe for me, we can't stay quiet right now. I need you to talk. Use your words, love."

Michael shrugged, chest heaving slightly as he tried not to go into a panic attack,"S-So fat. I'm so fat, I-I don't like it. W-Wanna be skinny, l-like you guys."

"You're not skinny, Michael!" Calum exclaimed in disbelief, causing the others to gape at him.

Tears welled in Michael's eyes and he suddenly shouted,"I know! I know! I-I'm fat and disgusting! I'm - I'm chubby and look l-like a whale c-compared to you!"

For once in Calum's life, he didn't see Michael as a freak, a weirdo or the 'mute kid'. He saw him as broken. And he didn't like it at all. He didn't like knowing Michael hated his body, that he was so insecure over it. Because he thought Michael looked fine from where he remembered seeing him the year before in the halls.

When Ashton went to snap at Calum for calling him fat, Calum assured,"No, Michael. I meant you looked fine before, I didn't word that right. I saw you last year a lot, you were at the perfect weight. You don't need to be bulimic or whatever it's called, you're - you're beautiful okay?"

'"Anorexic," Ashton corrected as Michael blushed at the compliment.

Luke frowned,"I think he's bulimic, he's thrown up before. I remember he sometimes went to the bathroom after we ate dinner a few times."

"You can be anorexic and purge, anorexia is when people eat little to nothing every day and work out excessively, almost more than what your body can take. And no matter how much weight someone with this disorder loses, they still see themselves as overweight," Ashton said, glancing at Michael who said nothing. 

Ashton continued as they listened intently,"If they have to eat, then they binge and then purge. Bulimia is when you eat anyways, like a normal meal, but throw up to get rid of the food. The difference is, anorexic people don't eat unless it's necessary and even then they will try to get rid of the food any way possible. Like hiding it, throwing it away when no one is watching. They are very sneaky, and sometimes they don't lose a lot of weight so it's hard to tell if they have it."

"How do you know so much about this?" Luke looked over Ashton's (now covered) torso and was hoping he wasn't anorexic or bulimic at some point.

Thankfully he assured,"I just do research when I'm bored, one time I watched a show and heard of it so I looked it up and was interested in the topic."

Luke nodded silently, glancing at his friend with pain filled eyes. When he went to speak, Michael shook his head,"I - I'm not crazy, please don't h-hate me. I-I just want to look perfect."

Before anyone could say anything, Calum stepped up and crouched in front of Michael. He nervously licked his lips and hoped for once in his life he could say the right thing. Calum said quietly, not wanting the others to hear,"I know right now you're not happy with your body. Everyone has that point in their life. Just know, that we care about you. We don't want you gone, so you need to let us help you. Because you're - you're worth it. You're worth everything and we need you."

Michael's eyes watered slightly, gnawing on his bottom lip and just nodded. Because there was nothing to say and he had no words for anything. He couldn't say he didn't want help, but he wasn't going to deny it either. He'll do his best and Calum was surprised when Michael pulled him into a quick hug.

For the rest of the club meeting, they talked to Michael and did research despite Ashton insisted he knew everything they needed being the braniac he is. Michael felt uncomfortable, knowing they were talking about him as he sat on the desk behind them. But they mean well which was sweet enough for him to not feel insulted.

He wasn't happy, though. Because he knew them trying to help meant him gaining all the weight he worked hard to lose. He wanted to stay this weigh, which was apparently bad since he's considered twenty pounds under the normal weight for his height and age.

When it was time to go, Calum had to wait with his dad so the other three walked together. Like usual, Michael stayed quiet as the two boys bonded and kept thinking of how to avoid getting help. Sadly the boys were going to start weighing him and maybe he can rig the scale but he had no idea how.

Instead of going to Luke's, he went home because Ashton was hanging out with him today and he didn't want to be the third wheel. The two boys waved goodbye as he left and they headed to Luke's. He didn't think about how his dad was home or that he was later than usual which wasn't good.

He halted when seeing his dad's car, causing Ashton too look at him in confusion. But he just said quietly while leading him inside,"Go to the first door upstairs on the right. Please, just - just stay in there okay? I'll get us some snacks and stuff, be up there in a minute."

At first Ashton stayed where he was, but then Luke gave him this desperate look and his dad shouted from the kitchen,"Luke, is that you?! Get your ass in here right now!"

"P-Please, Ashton," He gave him this heartbreaking expression and sighed in relief when Ashton ran upstairs to the room he told him to go in.

Before Luke could turn around, he was shoved and stumbled back, wincing when falling and hitting his head on the table. Luckily it wasn't a corner, and would mostly get a small bump at the most. His dad's cold eyes glared into his and Luke tried getting up but his dad kicked him harshly in the side.

Luke let out a pained sound, his dad sneering,"You pathetic piece of shit, I told you to be home on time for once! I can't even describe how disappointed I am, get the fuck to your room and don't bother coming down for the night. No dinner, you don't deserve it."

Luke held his breath, trying to ignore the pain but let out a small whimper as he tried standing up. He watched his dad walk off, struggling as he went upstairs and paused when seeing Ashton looking at him with his hand covering his mouth and Ashton shook his head at Luke, helping him in the room.

He sat Luke down and shut the door, rushing over and said quietly,"He - He hit you, oh god. I can't believe he would do that! I thought my parents were terrible. I'm so sorry Luke, I didn't know. I could have helped you, I should have known. You've been helping me all this time when you have your own problems going on, I'm so selfish."

Luke looked at him in disbelief, placing a hand on Ashton's knee and patted it gently,"No you're not. Ashton don't ever say that, you're the least selfish person I know. Please don't pity me or anything. I'm fine, it's just a few bruises and words. I can handle it."

When Ashton went to argue, Luke grinned and said,"Let's watch a movie, I have Spiderman. I know he's your favorite superhero."

For a second Ashton stared at him, seeing the pain and cry for help hidden behind the fake, bright eyes that Luke had. And he wanted to say no. To say how much Luke needs a friend, but all he said was 'okay' and they laid back on the bed with their shoulders touching as the movie played.

Throughout the movie, Ashton noticed how Luke's breath hitched everyone once and a while, how his eyes clenched shut when he moved to get comfortable. He could tell he was hurting, not just physically but mentally. Ashton wanted to help so badly, to be there for him as well. Because Luke was his hero, and he wants to save the hero for once.

Everything Luke does for them is amazing. How he's there and has such wise words, amazing ideas and the sweetest smile ever. It was all a cover up to hide his own problems. The kindest hearts have felt the most pain, Ashton realized. However, you can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

But you can be there for them and that's where Ashton can help him.


	10. Chapter 10

It's never happened before. Ashton has straight A's, it's rare for him to even get a B. He was always trying to be the best he can be and getting a low grade on a test is not what he wanted in life. He's suppose to be perfect. To be the best student ever and make people proud.

When the tests of his sociology class were passed out, he was expecting an A like always. He studied so hard for the test and actually stayed up late for it. It was the last test before exams and the grade will effect the overall class for his report card. Which is why he was expecting his teacher to give him a disappointed look when she handed him his.

Ashton nervously looked at the paper, eyes widening when seeing a 'C' at the top corner. His heart dropped, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. This isn't right, he always gets an A especially in Sociology. He looked around, noticing a few papers with better grades and didn't understand at all.

He can't have a C. It's wrong, he can't have it. That's not who he is, he's known for having good grades. For being the best in his class and yet here he is, holding a test with an ugly letter at the top showing failure. He is a failure. That's all he can see when looking at the C.

It was paramount for him to not fail. Now he won't be able to eat dinner, his mum would yell at him and dad not speak to him for weeks. It's happened before. Last time he got a C, he wasn't allowed to do anything for three days until he completed four online tests with a one hundred for each of them.

Despite him being smart, that was challenging and now he was a braniac in biology because that's the class he had to do the tests for. He can't imagine taking four tests for sociology. He remembered being starving for days and Lauren, his little sister, sneaked him some food every once and a while as his brother slipped his DS in the room so Ashton could play some games and not be bored.

Unlike Ashton, his siblings never had to worry about their grades. Being the oldest, he was the one his parents wanted to be the most successful. They believe that if he fails at life, so will his brother and sister. Because apparently they look up to him as a role model. That is true, they do look up to him, but that won't make them become successful.

The bell suddenly rang, and Ashton was happy since it was the last class for the day. He nervously waited for the other students to leave, then rushed over to where his teacher was at her desk and typing on her computer. She glanced up to him questioningly with a raised eyebrow before going back to typing.

Ashton held out his paper and said,"I'm sorry Ms. But I think you must be mistaken. This can't possibly be my test or at least, not my grade. I spent hours and days studying for it. I can even show you my flash cards and have my mum call you. I would never get a C."

"Oh but you did, I'm sorry. I was even shocked my self, perhaps you were just tired and couldn't focus," She suggested, stacking her papers and stood up. "Don't worry, just do well on the exam and that can boost your grade. Right now you have a B in the class, it's fine though. B's aren't bad, Ashton."

But they are, he told himself as he nodded weakly and left the class. He slowly walked through the crowd of students, seeing the halls clearing as everyone rushed to the buses. But he went into the bathroom, glad it was empty since no one could see him freaking out because he's a failure. He failed and now his parents will hate him and there's no way a university will accept him now that he failed.

He paced slightly, tears falling and hands were shaking because no, he can't. He can't keep failing like this. Everything is falling apart. He's been more focused on Luke, the club, and not his school work. But he wanted to forget school for once and now he's suffering the consequences and is a failure.

Suddenly he could feel himself start to hyperventilate, and knew he was starting to have an anxiety attack as he felt like he couldn't breath, the walls were closing in and his hands were sweating. He shakily grabbed his phone from his bag, sending Luke a text that probably had a million typos in it but he was shaky and panicking and he rarely gets attacks so this was scary for him. And he trusts Luke a lot.

He leaned his head back on the wall as he waited, hoping Luke would come because they have a club meeting today so he shouldn't be far. He thought of what his doctor said and tried evening his breaths, thinking of happy thoughts, like Luke's smile and Luke's laugh and Luke, Luke, Luke.

A door slamming was heard, and he glanced up only to see Michael standing there and not Luke. He shook his head frantically, going to speak but Michael rushed over and crouched down next to Ashton, frowning when seeing his trembling hands and the way he was breathing heavily.

Michael grabbed Ashton's bag, frantically searching through it and found a water bottle. He handed it to Ashton, who shakily took a sip and Michael pleaded quietly,"Y-You need to breathe. C-Close your eyes and try to c-calm down. Just keep d-drinking some water."

Ashton sniffled, trying to do as told but he couldn't stop panicking, all these terrible thoughts running through his mind and he wanted Luke, not Michael. Not because he doesn't like Michael, but he doesn't know him and he feels embarrassed. Knowing Michael say him like this and his heart started pounding more, he was afraid Michael could hear it.

"What's your f-favorite b-band?" Michael asked suddenly, biting his lip as he tried staying calm to help Ashton.

The random question caught Ashton off guard, and he choked out,"I-I don't know."

"What? E-Everyone has a favorite band," Michael said with quiet voice, giggling.

Ashton hesitated and shrugged, leaning his head back and he tried thinking of one. He licked his dry lips and replied,"I think um, maybe We the Kings."

"Oh, I-I love them. What's your f-favorite song of theirs?" Michael watched him carefully, glad to know his breathing was less hitched and he was relaxing a bit. He wasn't one to ask a lot of questions, to even talk to anyone, but Ashton needed him and he was going to help.

A small blush appeared on Ashton's face and he admitted,"Just keep breathing."

Michael smiled slightly,"Why?"

"I just - it makes me feel happy when I'm sad. Even if it's a pretty sad song, it's more inspirational. Kind of dumb, but I-I like listening to it, especially when I would be alone and have a ... an attack like this, it always helped," Ashton rubbed his hands nervously, feeling they weren't clammy anymore and he was better now. 

Michael nodded slowly,"Well, I'm g-glad I helped you t-this time."

He glanced at Michael and said quietly,"Thank you."

"Luke wasn't i-in the room, and I - I saw the text, so I came instead," Michael told him with a sympathetic smile. He stood up, taking Ashton's hand and helped him up. He grabbed his bag and held it for him as Ashton washed his face a bit,"I hope y-you don't mind."

Ashton took a paper towel, drying his face off and assured,"It's fine, that was nice of you. I always thought you um, that you hated me or something."

The word hate caught Michael off guard. Ashton isn't his favorite person in the world, but that is for different reasons. He simply shook his head and smiled timidly. Not seeing the forced smile, Ashton grinned and they headed to the club together without another word.

On the way there, Ashton forgot about his bad grade and only started thinking about Michael and how nice he is. It was nice to know Michael helped him, even if he didn't like him all that much. Maybe they could be friends now. Considering Calum is still a jerk, he would rather hang out with Michael.

When they got to the club, they both saw Calum and Luke pacing in worry with their phones in their hands. Since Michael saw the text, he told Calum what happened so he figured he told Luke. When the two boys saw Ashton and Michael, they had instant relief on their face.

Luke rushed over, tackling Ashton in a hug and asked in concern,"Oh god, are you okay? Did you um, did you relapse again? Are you hurt? What happened? I was so worried."

"I'm fine, just a little anxiety attack. I forgot to take my xanax last night, so it was inevitable and I just freaked out from this grade, it's nothing serious. I get it every once and a while, don't worry," Ashton said weakly, melting in the hug and Luke just really gives the best hugs ever.

Sadly Luke pulled away, eyes gazing over Ashton's face for ,any signs of lying. He then nodded and asked curiously,"You sure you wanna stay for the club today? It's okay if you don't want to, we can take you home. Calum can drive us, we can skip one every once and a while, it won't kill us."

"No, seriously. I'm fine," Ashton assured, taking his seat and grinned as if he didn't just have an anxiety attack over a C. It's so dumb but it happened. And now he's trying to forget it.

The three boys looked at each other, glancing at Ashton and they were worried. Knowing that he self harms and now has anxiety isn't helping the situation. Luke was obviously the most worried. While Ashton was trying to help him, Luke was trying to help him as well and it's like running in circles, both doing their best for each other and trying to act happy when they're not.

Either way, he reluctantly went to the back of the room and grabbed the box of slips of paper. He grabbed one, reading it and nodded to himself. He went to the others who were seated, Michael clenching his lion and Calum actually staring at Ashton with a frown on his face.

Hiding his jealousy, Luke announced,"Today's topic is trust. The person who wrote it said that we need to do the trust exercises, where you fall back into the person's arm and have to basically trust them to catch you. So, let's pick our partners."

"Wait," Ashton interrupted. "Are we only doing it once or something?"

"Yeah, we're having a short meeting today," Luke said, not wanting to overwhelm the boy with serious questions that were on the paper. Ashton nodded and Luke continued casually,"Alright, so I think I'll choose As-"

"I want Ashton as my partner," Calum spoke up, much to everyone's surprise.

Ashton grimaced,"I'm good."

"C'mon, we need to learn to trust each other and I think this is a good way to do that. Isn't that what the club is about anyways? Like forgiving and shit? Being friends?" Calum retorted, standing up and grabbed Ashton's hand. "So, let's be friends and you're my partner."

A pang was felt in Luke's chest, glancing at the boy's hands and he held back all the jealousy as he motioned for Michael to follow him. Michael felt upset, knowing Luke was reluctant to be his partner. Usually they always choose each other as partners first and now he doesn't want to be.

As they all got set up, Calum told Ashton as he tugged off his jacket to grip onto him better when he fell,"I'm really sorry, okay? It was rude of me to leave you for Maya, but she's my girlfriend. And I know it's not about that, I shouldn't have said you weren't cool. You're pretty fun, actually. Just a different type than I'm use to."

Ashton just shrugged, and he mumbled quietly so the others wouldn't hear,"It's not about that either. You called me a loser, a fag and insulted me. I was in the bathroom when you were talking to Garrett. I heard you. Even if you didn't want to say it, you did and it was so insolent of you to do so. You could have let him insult me and just stood there, but you added all that shit and only an ignoramus person with no heart would do that."

"I'm so so sorry, I won't do it anymore," Calum pleaded, glancing at Ashton's sleeve covered wrists. He felt a sickening feeling in his stomach, hating the thought of Ashton cutting over him. He knew they weren't all about him, but a lot most likely were.

But Ashton scoffed,"Sure you won't."

"I promise I won't, you can trust me. I never - I try not to hurt people but I do and I hate that. I hate hurting you and Michael and Luke, it's hard to change, but I really want to be your friend and I won't talk about you guys anymore to anyone," Calum promised, nervously looking at Ashton's expression.

Nothing was said and Calum reluctantly stood behind him and waited for Luke to say when to go. He felt so guilty, for everything and was being honest. He doesn't intentionally try to hurt someone. In the end he always does and he yawned, rubbing his eyes sleepily as he glanced at Michael who was frowning. 

Suddenly Luke said to go, and the boys had their time to fall. At first Ashton stood there, and Luke watched intently as Ashton froze. But then Ashton clenched his eyes shut and fell back with Calum easily catching him, causing Luke to huff in annoyance when Ashton grinned at Calum in surprise.

Both stood up, Ashton smiling and they turned to look at the other two. But then they gaped when seeing Michael fall back only to land on the floor and Luke's eyes widened cause fuck, he was suppose to catch him. Michael's his best friend who trusted him yet Luke let him fall while Calum even caught Ashton, the two barely able to stand each other.

A tension was felt, Michael sitting up from the ground and rubbing his head as he looked at Luke with a frown. Everyone stared at the blonde, who went to apologize but Michael just sighed and sat back in his seat on the other side of the room. Calum gave Luke a look of disbelief while Ashton sat back down as well.

An awkward silence filled the room as Luke quietly grabbed the suitcase from the back closet along with some markers and placed it in the middle of the room. He handed everyone a marker, nervously giving Michael his who ignored him and tightened his grip on Daniel his lion.

Luke sighed, getting a foundation compact and put it in the back. It was an old one, basically empty and didn't care that Calum snickered a bit. He said while writing the word 'guilty' on the suitcase,"I um, I put the make up in cause I use it to hide my personal problems I guess."

Ashton glanced at him, glad that he was slowly opening up. He got his test from his bag and put it in the suitcase then wrote the word 'failure' on it while explaining,"I put the test in cause i - it was my first C and makes me feel stupid and I hope it's my last."

"A C isn't bad, it's average," Calum retorted.

The word average made Ashton tense and he tried explaining without being rude,"Well, I don't want to be average. I want to be above average. I need to get into a Melbourne, and they won't like 'average'."

"I hate when people say C's are bad, because I get them all the time and it makes me feel stupider than I already am," Calum said without thinking and mentally face-palmed. "Nevermind, forget I said that. I don' need good grades anyway, I can get by on my athletic awesomeness and my good looks."

Ashton raised an eyebrow, knowing Calum opened up and is now trying to hide it. But Michael was the one who watched him carefully, seeing the bags under his eyes and the way he weakly wrote the word 'happy' on the bag. But he knew Calum wasn't, because he put in a whistle and said it was one his granddad gave to him and well, Michael felt like there was a bigger story behind that.

After him, Michael put in a small statue of a lion similar to Daniel and wrote the word 'betrayed' (and Luke really hated that he wrote that) while stuttering out,"M - My dad gave it to me and um, I really like lions. S-So it makes me happy and r-remember him."

The end of the meeting was full of tension and small glances, no one knowing what to say so they silently packed up their things. Luke put away the suitcase, thanking Ashton when he put up the markers. He didn't care for Calum staring at him, because he already felt bad and didn't mean to drop Michael.

So he tried forgetting that and put his books in his bag, checking the time on his phone and saw it was almost three thirty, which meant he needed to be home before his dad. He turned to Ashton, noticing his sleeve rolled up a bit and revealed the cuts on his wrists.

Luke frowned, but they walked out together and he noticed Calum and Michael were still back. However, he walked with Ashton and there was a comfortable silence. Besides, he figured Michael was mad at him still and knew Michael needs space when he's mad.

As they walked out, he paused and saw a poster hung up and suddenly remembered the carnival they talked about. He rushed up to Ashton, asking him casually,"Hey, are you doing anything tomorrow?"

Ashton raised an eyebrow,"No, I don't think so. Why?"

"Well, remember the carnival the school is having to raise money? I figured we could go together," Luke suggested, playing it off easily and he felt his shoulders slump in relief when Ashton agreed. They both smiled, walking closer together and just had these big grins on their faces.

Meanwhile, Calum noticed Michael wasn't around and when he went to go to his car, he saw how Ashton and Luke were walking alone. An unsettling feeling arise in his stomach and he glanced back at the school. He sighed and tossed his bag in the car, locking it then went back inside.

He looked around, trying not to let anyone in other clubs see him since it would look suspicious. After checking the room, he saw Michael wasn't there and something told him to go to the bathroom. And so he did, and when he walked in he saw Michael leaning against the wall with his knees to his chest and face buried in them.

Michael looked up, tears in his eyes and sniffling quietly as Calum awkwardly walked over. He didn't say anything, both just being quiet and Calum noticed the bag of chips that were open and empty on the ground. He didn't know what to say, he never had to comfort someone before.

But then Michael admitted quietly,"I - I didn't mean to throw up. I - I was sad and I ate and then it j-just happened and Luke dropped me. I trust him a-and he dropped me."

"I'm sorry," Was all Calum could think about saying.

Michael looked at him with these sad, green eyes and he asked weakly,"Why is h-he ignoring me? I don't want t-to lose him. He's m-my only friend."

Calum just shrugged,"That's life. It sucks. A new person comes in and then you're gone. It happens all the time and you need to deal with it." His words were blunt but true and that's what hurt Michael the most. He didn't want to lose Luke and so Calum added,"Besides, he likes Ashton and once they figure out their feelings and date, getting passed the first few clingy weeks, he'll be back to being your friend again."

A devastated expression appeared on Michael's face and he whispered,"He's my f-friend. He's mine. I - I can't wait that long, I - I need him now. Am I that e-easy to forget? I - I need him, Calum. I need s-someone."

"You can have me," Calum offered.

With that said, Michael smiled weakly and he nodded slowly. Calum pulled him into a hug, biting his lip when Michael hugged him back. He felt weird, never has he actually hugged a guy. Mainly because it's considered gay and whenever he hugs Garrett and the other guys on the team, it's quick and like a pat on the back. 

But then Michael tightened his arms around his neck, not to where it was choking him and he felt safe inside. He had this tingling feeling in his stomach, and a smile appeared on his face without meaning to. He was happy Michael told him he threw up, not because he wanted him to, but because it meant Michael trusted him.

So he asked,"Am I forgiven now?"

For a second Michael said nothing, but then he simply nodded. No words because Michael hates talking unless he's super sad or mad, and Calum liked that. Talking wasn't something he enjoyed either. And maybe they can just hug, letting their actions speak instead.

-

There were lights everywhere, booths scattered and the smell of junk food filling the air. Luke was waiting for Ashton, sitting on the curb outside the carnival for the fringe-haired boy to arrive. They decided to meet up and he waited patient as a breeze was felt.

It wasn't long till he saw Ashton walking over with his fringed hair and red hoodie on with a pair of skinny jeans. He stood up and grinned, motioning for him to follow them inside. They paid their way in, looking around at the small rides and fun games to play.

For a while they didn't do much, just ate and chatted a bit. There was an awkwardness to it, because Ashton really likes Luke and they were alone together and he didn't know what to say. He didn't want to do anything dumb so he tried saying nothing but that made it worse.

Finally, Luke led him over to a booth where people were doing face painting and he asked him with a grin,"Wanna get your face painted?"

"Um, that's kind of weird, isn't it?" Ashton said awkwardly, not wanting to look like a child and immature. He needed to be cool, but Luke is the one who offered it so maybe he would like it.

A pout formed on Luke's face,"No, we can be butterflies, and ninja turtles and spider man-"

"I want spiderman! I fucking call spiderman! He's mine!" Ashton exclaimed, eagerly tugging Luke towards the line and waited with a grin on his face.

Luke laughed slightly, shaking his head in amusement,"Okay, I'll be batman."

"Boring," Ashton sang with a small giggle.

The small sound made Luke's insides feel tingly. He then mentally face-palmed cause that sounds dirty. When it was time for them to go, Ashton went first and Luke paid for it cause he offered. He watched as Ashton scrunched his nose at the weird feeling, squirming whenever it tickled him.

It was obvious the lady got annoyed of him, constantly rolling her eyes and telling him to stay still. Then Luke went, being more still and she seemed relieved. Ashton's face felt funny, like a weight was on it and he laughed when Luke sneezed and messed the lady up, blushing in embarrassment.

Finally they finished up, Luke paying once again and then they went over to play a few games. Only a few had prizes, mostly stuffed animals and little toys, even cheap shirts. The carnival was for everyone, including teens and kids. So Ashton awkwardly got a pony shirt which Luke teased him about.

When they headed to the dunk-the-teacher area, Ashton scowled cause his sociology teacher was there. Luke saw his expression, buying five balls and handed Ashton two. His teacher looked amused, watching Ashton fail each time. That was until Luke went up.

He missed the first time, chipping the second but on his third he full on threw it. It slammed against the bullseye, causing her to fall into the tank and Ashton bursted out laughing. He turned to Luke and said with a smile,"You are officially my favorite person in the world."

A bashful expression appeared on Luke's face,"Tha-Thanks."

"Hey, isn't that Calum and his girlfriend?" Ashton spoke, motioning over to where Calum was. He and Maya making out behind a booth and Luke grimaced along with Ashton when seeing the boy's hand slipping under her shirt. As if they weren't in public.

Deciding not to acknowledge them, they left the two and didn't see Calum's bored expression when Maya started kissing down his neck. Ashton and Luke headed to the food again, buying some cotton candy and sharing it to save money of course, which saves trees. He's being thoughtful.

When they sat down, Luke asked curiously,"So, I hope this doesn't sound rude, but you got anxiety cause of a C?"

"Yeah," Ashton said and glanced down. "I - I always want to get good grades and well, a C isn't good. It's average, like Calum said. And my parents weren't exactly happy. I had to beg them to let me come to the carnival with you. I said I was working a booth."

Luke gave him a sympathetic smile,"You need a little fun, studying all the time will help you get a good job. But what's then you'll realize you never had a fun childhood and spent so much time worrying about your grades instead of hanging out and making friends."

"That's what he alwa- um, yeah I know," Ashton quickly said, ignoring Luke's confused face. He stood up and motioned for Luke to do the same, tossing the cotton candy away. "Why don't we go do something else now. I saw a kissing booth not too far away."

"I'd rather not see you kiss a stranger," Luke scoffed, then face-palmed when realizing what he said. 

Ashton blushed a little, the two walking slowly and he asked quietly,"Luke, is - is this a date?"

When Luke halted, Ashton regretted his words. He knew it was risky to ask, especially since they just became friends a month ago. However, it seemed like a date. No one else was with them, and Luke admitted to not wanting to see Ashton kiss anyone. So maybe it is.

Luke turned and asked,"Do you want it to be a date?"

Ashton shrugged sheepishly and Luke said simply,"It's whatever you want it to be."

With that said, Ashton held out his hand questioningly and Luke glanced at it. He placed his hand in Ashton's, their fingers entwining and both of the boys didn't say much after that. They ignored everyone staring, Luke with a batman mask painted on and Ashton with a spiderman. Because they're that dorky. They can be dorky together, though.


	11. Chapter 11

So far Luke has been doing great in track. Everyone is okay with him, aside from a few guys who are jealous that he's already the coach's favorite. While everyone was jealous, Luke was ecstatic. Never has anyone congratulated him so much for something he loves, yet here is Coach Hood telling him he is amazing and that he's doing great so far.

The praise made him smile, and he was happy. Luke is always looking forward to track now, because he forgets everything that makes him sad and all he does is talk to his new friend Mitchel, does what he loves, and has an adult that actually cares about him. Even if it's Calum's dad.

Of course, Calum wasn't happy about any of this and Luke can see that. He felt bad, honestly. Because he knew Calum barely gets attention from his parents and now Luke is taking all his dad's attention from the only hobby his dad ever lets Calum do. Not to mention, this was a father and son thing. Track was Calum and his dad's place where they get along and Luke took that away.

He felt bad but then he was envied Calum. Because he wanted a dad. At least, one that paid attention to him and didn't smack him around and cause bruises on his body. But he really shouldn't take someone else's. He couldn't just tell Coach Hood not to talk to him, though. So he did nothing and maybe that wasn't the best option.

It was around time for Luke to leave, they were in the locker room and he was changing into his dark blue Nirvana shirt and some decent jeans then put his clothes in his bag. He glanced at his phone, seeing it was almost four and he should be home around six if he wants to survive his dad's anger.

He could go home right away, but no. He planned on talking to Michael. He wanted to go to his house and make sure they talk things out. Recently he's realized how bad of a best friend he's been. Michael needs him and he's been paying attention to Ashton instead. He doesn't want to abandon either of them, so he needs to sort things out with Michael.

On his way out of the locker room, he rolled his eyes when spotting Maya and Calum making out against his car with their hands being way too touchy. He knew Michael likes Calum, which is why he's irritated. Because he assumed Calum felt the same since he's a jerk to all of them except Michael. Apparently he was wrong.

He scoffed and went to go to the road leaving towards Michael's house, but suddenly an arm tugged him back and he stumbled in surprise. However, he calmed down when seeing it was Mitchel with his crooked smirk. The guy shushed him when he went to speak and led him towards the side of the school away from the parking lot.

Luke wasn't nervous, because he trusts Mitchel. Despite only knowing him four two weeks, he was very comfortable with the boy and didn't get scared around him like most people are. He doesn't believe Calum. There's no way Mitchel could be a 'bad person'. Rumors aren't always true.

When they were away from everyone, Mitchel raised an eyebrow at Luke and said with a chuckle,"You look stressed, wanna talk about it blondie?"

Blondie. That's what Ashton calls him. Luke smiled at the boy's name but eyes widened a bit when seeing Mitchel taking out a box of cigarettes and light one. He shrugged,"No, I'm good. Just having a hectic life, but everyone does so it's not that big a deal."

"True, true," Mitchel noticed Luke staring at his cigarette. He held his out and said,"You can take a drag if you want, sharing is caring."

Luke hesitated,"U-Uh, I'm not much of a smoker."

"No one is, doesn't mean you can relax every once and a while. C'mon, I have a whole pack, you can take this one. Who knows? It might release some of your stress," He assured, and Luke nervously took the cigarette from his hands as Mitchel took out a new one.

When Mitchel lit his cigarette, a bunch of smoke filled the air and Luke struggled not to cough. He glanced at the cigarette in his hand. The cancer stick. The reason some people die. But also the reason some people don't stress. The item that helps people relax and that's probably why Mitchel is so calm sometimes.

He noticed Mitchel inhaling and letting out a ring of smoke. Luke tugged at his lip ring for a second and shrugged before placing the end of the cigarette between his lips. He repeated what he saw Mitchel do, but then started coughing into the elbow of his arm and Mitchel laughed quietly.

He patted the blonde's back and told him sympathetically,"Yeah, that'll happen. Don't worry, after you get use to it you should be able to do it without coughing. Just take a few more puffs, you'll start feeling better."

Luke smiled timidly, doing as told and soon he felt a little better. It's not like weed, he wasn't in a state of carefree-ness but he felt his body relax slightly. As he kept doing it, he got somewhat light headed considering his body wasn't use to the nicotine and Mitchel was amused by this.

It wasn't long till the cigarette was done with, Luke tossing it on the ground and he was surprised when Mitchel tossed him his packet. He told Luke with a smirk,"You can keep those, I think you'll need them. I can get some more. If you ever need someone to smoke with, just come find me."

And then he was gone. Luke glanced at the packet, then looked around before shoving them in his bag. He should have tossed them out and never accepted them. But for some reason he couldn't do that. He sighed and headed on his way towards Michael's.

His mouth tasted funny, having a weird flavor to it and he shouldn't have smoked. He was always against it, saying how bad it was for people and that you should never let yourself slowly die like that. However, Mitchel was there and he wanted to be accepted by him. No one else on the team talks to him, and slowly he was realizing what Calum meant by fitting in with the cool kids. Except, Luke was with a different crowd.

On his way to Michael's, he noticed it was getting later and he only had about an hour to get home. He noticed Michael's aunt wasn't home and assumed Michael was alone. He knew no one else lived with him and the driveway was empty so he was glad to get Michael on his own.

He knocked on the door, impatiently going on his toes then the heels of his feet. He waited and waited, knocked and knocked. Then the door opened and Michael stood there with sweatpants on and a short sleeve shirt. His arms tiny, biceps barely there and the image wasn't extremely bad but still not a normal weight for a boy his age.

Luke quickly stuck his foot in the door behind Michael could close it and he pleaded,"Mikey, babe, can we please talk? I know you're mad and that's totally understandable. But, please. You're my best friend. I can't stand the idea of you hating me like this."

"D-Don't hate," Michael grumbled. 

Luke raised an eyebrow, noticing he shortened his sentence. He only does that when he's trying to refuse talking. He sighed and asked curiously,"You don't hate me?" Michael shook his head. "Then what's wrong? I really hate myself. You should too. I didn't catch you. I wasn't paying attention to you and i'm sorry."

"You l-like Ashton," he said simply, glancing down. 

A blush covered Luke's cheeks and he awkwardly admitted,"Maybe a little. Or a lot."

"M-More than me," Michael added, fidgeting with his tiny figures. 

Then it all made sense. How Michael is extra quiet at lunch when he'd usually have somewhat of a conversation with Luke. How he's always extra sad when Ashton is around. The way he talks to Calum and Luke, but never Ashton. Because he's jealous of the hazel-eyed boy and sudden guilt filled Luke.

He frowned, leaning against the door and said quietly,"Never. Michael I would never like Ashton more than you. Or maybe I will, but it's different. I like him in a more-than-friend way. But you're - you're different. You're my best friend, my other half and we're always gonna be there for each other."

"No." Michael glared at Luke and took the blonde by surprise. "You weren't."

The fact that he didn't stutter made Luke's eyes widened and he asked in confusion,"What? I'm always there for you, I try so hard Mikey. I can't be there every second of everyday. But I'm trying. I love you. You're like my brother, I will always stand up for you and make sure you're okay."

"I-I threw up," Michael told him with a huff of annoyance. "I was mad and-and. I threw up and I hated it. I - I didn't want to and you weren't there. B-But, Calum was."

Of course. It's always Calum. He's always there for people now-and-days. Luke rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly and suddenly he regretted it. Making the club, letting him join and take over everything. It's like people prefer him over Luke now. First Ashton and now Michael. The only two people Luke truly cares about.

He gave Michael a sad smile,"I'm sorry. I should have been there for you. I shouldn't have dropped you or left like like that just cause I was jealous of Calum and Ashton. Can you please forgive me? I'm really trying. I'm just not use to having a crush on someone. So, I forget that I have other people in my life and that's wrong."

At first Michael shrugged, glancing down at his toes that were pointing inward like a child-like fashion. He shouldn't forgive people right away, it makes it seem like what they did is okay. But this is Luke. Luke barely makes mistakes, at least not big ones, and Michael knew he was a good person who's just love struck.

So he nodded. Luke grinned, eagerly pulling him into a hug and yeah, they were back to being friends. After promising he wouldn't let his feelings for Ashton overtake his love for his friend. The worst feeling ever is to be replaced by someone and be ignored. Considering that's what Luke felt like when Calum was around, he knew not to do it again.

Sadly, Luke couldn't stick around and hang out like he wanted to. He had to go home before he was pummeled by his dad. Like usual, Michael offered to go with him but Luke could tell it was going to be bad this time. With that in mind, he gave Michael a quick kiss on the cheek and said he would be fine.

But of course he wasn't. As soon as he got home, he was yelled at, smacked and kicked and practically covered in his blood and bruises by the time he got to his room. He tried not to cry, shakily wiping the blood from his nose and rinse himself off but the bruises will be there and he had a black eye.

He was trembling, gripping the sink to try to calm down. Because he's strong. He doesn't need to be upset over this. He is in control of it. It's only a few smacks. Just a few smacks, he kept telling himself as he laid down in bed and winced at the pain in his back. 

However, tears were falling and small sobs kept leaving his lips and he felt like a weak little bitch. All he did was get hit by his dad. Surely lots of people go through this, so he can handle it. He's a guy. He should be use to getting hit on and having bruises is something lots of guys have. It's manly. Shows how tough he is.

Except, he didn't feel tough or strong. He felt hurt and embarrassed because what if someone saw this? Luke wiped his eyes, wincing when rubbing across the black eye. He was stressed. But instead of getting a cigarette like he knew he should do, he grabbed his phone and dialed Ashton's number.

At first it kept ringing, but then Ashton's voice echoed through the line,"Hey Luke, I'm sorry but I'm kind of busy studying right now. I can't really talk."

"O-Oh, um yeah. I get it, sorry," Luke said sadly, trying to hide the tears in his voice. 

It didn't work considering Ashton said with a sudden worry,"Wait, are - are you crying? What's wrong? Talk to me."

"Seriously, it's nothing. Just a little sad. I can deal with it, you should probably study," Luke assured, because Ashton's problems are more important and Luke can handle himself. 

Ashton said quickly,"Luke-"

He hung up, tossing his phone to the side and glanced at his door. He shouldn't have hung up on Ashton like that, all he wanted to do was help. However, Luke isn't the type person that wants to receive help. He would much rather be the one to give it and sometimes that's not a good thing.

For a while, maybe five minutes , Ashton kept calling back and Luke kept ignoring it. Until finally he stopped and that's when Luke got up, grabbing his bag and hesitantly taking out a cigarette from the packet Mitchel gave him. It wasn't a good decision to make, but he did anyways.

He made sure his door was locked, opening his window to let the smoke out and grabbed a match he had from when he went camping with Michael a while ago. His phone rang again. He saw it was Ashton and he ignored it. He lit the cigarette, taking a drag and coughed at first. But then he was use to it and he really shouldn't be.

-

It was the next day at school, Ashton kept sending Luke worried glances but Luke just ignored them. He didn't like people worrying over him, he'd rather worry over everyone else. He didn't like this at all. He shouldn't have even called Ashton, the boy had many more things to be concerned over.

Luckily Ashton didn't join them at lunch. He had to work on some science fair thing and so it was only Michael and Luke, which gave them time to catch up. Of course, they didn't talk much but that's normal for them. They talked about life mostly, how it's getting better and worse and how it hasn't changed but yet it has.

It was at the end of the day now. They had a meeting since it's Wednesday and Luke was grabbing his things from his locker since Calum was already at the club and had the room set up with the chairs in the usual placement. Luke sighed, grabbing his black jacket and tugged it on to hide his bruises. He had make up on as well, hopefully no one noticed the purple that was showing slightly.

After getting his bag, he headed down the hall but was pulled by his hand and turned to see Mitchel writing something down on his arm. Thank god it wasn't the hurt one, he thought to himself seeing in confusion that Mitchel was writing down his number.

The guy said casually,"My friend is having a party Saturday. Thought you might wanna come, just text me and I'll give you the address. You can bring a friend or a few. The more the merrier. See ya around, Lucas."

Luke raised an eyebrow, but shrugged and headed to the room where they have the club. He saw Calum and Ashton talking to Michael, who was shaking his head frantically and looking in his bag with a panicked expression. The two boys watched him sympathetically.

A frown formed on Luke's face as he shut the door and asked curiously,"What's wrong?"

"D-Daniel." Was all Michael said and Luke knew what that meant.

Suddenly he got up, clenching his hair in his hands and dropped his bag cause he wasn't there and Michael couldn't find him. He couldn't find him and now his chest felt pained and his hands were shaking and the boys didn't understand why he was so upset, but they weren't going to judge him.

All the boys glanced at each other unsure what to do, then at Michael who looked like he wanted to cry and die then and there. Luke hesitantly walked over to his friend, pulling him into a hug and assured him,"It's alright, love. I'm sure you just left it -"

"Him!"

"-Him, s-sorry. I'm sure you left him at home, okay? Don't worry. It's probably on your bed or maybe it's under it, like it was before." Luke's dealt with this before, it's happened a few times and Michael seemed a lot more upset this time. His eyes were even watering a bit and it broke Luke's heart.

But all Michael wanted to do was shout that he brought him to school. He had Daniel in his first classes and somewhere along those lines he lost him and didn't notice. However, he didn't want to annoy anyone by having them help. He didn't want them to think he was a freak for being upset over a toy. 

So he nodded and went to his seat, clenching his bag in his arms. As Luke went to grab the box full of questions and topics, Ashton went over with him and he asked quietly,"Are you okay? I was worried. You called me last night and just hung up, why would you do that?"

"It's nothing serious, Ashton. I'm fine," Luke said apologetically, quickly going back to the others before Ashton could question him.

Ashton watched the blonde smile at what Michael said, shaking his head slightly. He's not fine. He's hurting and in pain and Ashton can't do anything about it unless Luke admits it. That's the whole problem. He wants to help but he can't if Luke won't let him.

When he sat back down, he tugged at his sleeves, eyeing Luke's face and heart dropped when noticing a little foundation smudged and some of his bruised eye was shown. A sick feeling settled in his stomach. His dad hit him. That's why he called Ashton and Ashton was rude to him. Saying he couldn't talk and was busy.

Before he could think more about it, Luke announced as he read the paper in his hand,"Today's topic is dating. The question is have you ever been or are you in a relationship? If so, how was it and were you happy? Then what your dream date is. Very...interesting topic today, I guess. Alright, Michael you go first."

"N-No," Michael admitted, meaning he's never dated anyone. For some reason Calum's stomach flipped at the thought. Meaning Michael's never been with anyone, that he's pristine and new and innocent. He blushed a bit when realizing his thoughts, slumping in his seat awkwardly.

Luke nodded, already knowing the answer and questioned more,"Now what's your dream date?"

"Just b-being with the person," He admitted with a sheepish expression. He wasn't into the whole romantic and out of this world type date. They could be sitting in bed, playing video games or going on the internet and that would be the best date in the world.

Luke nodded again then looked to Ashton who avoided his eyes. Luke raised an eyebrow,"What about you?"

"U-Uh, no," Ashton gave him a quick, timid smile and glanced down. Honestly, Luke didn't expect that. He figured Ashton may have dated a couple people, he didn't seem like he would be single. But considering his hard-working life, he didn't seem to have time to date. 

"Oh, um dream date then?" Luke listened to Ashton intently when he answered.

The boy shrugged and blushed a bit,"I'm kind of a hopeless romantic. I like really cute dates that last all day. Going out for the afternoon to a beach and walking along it at sunset, and spending time at a nearby park, with him pushing me on the swing and saying really romantic and cheesy things. Then going to a nearby restaurant to the beach and we fight over who pays for dinner, then afterwards having ice-cream on the beach and sitting on a picnic blanket staring at the stars and holding hands."

A smile formed on Luke's lips, and he felt himself staring fondly at the boy who looked embarrassed to admit that. But Calum chuckled, shaking his head slightly and Ashton glanced down awkwardly. Luke patted his knee lightly, letting him know not to be embarrassed and just gave him a reassured grin.

When Luke went to ask Calum, he already answered,"Yep, dating a beautiful girl. Her name is Maya, I'm sure you all know her."

Ashton rolled his eyes, Michael frowning a bit and Luke just asked,"But are you happy?"

"Of course, she's really nice and sweet," Calum assured, beaming at the thought of his girlfriend.

However, Luke repeated,"Are you happy, though?"

"I said yes," Calum snapped, giving him a glare and for some reason he wasn't even too sure of himself. Why wouldn't he be happy? She's amazing, caring and confident. All the things guys look for in a girl. They're great together, their personalities match perfectly. But, maybe a little too perfectly.

He then added,"I don't really have a dream date. Just something fun instead of dinner and a movie or whatever. I want it to be interesting for who I'm with."

"Sounds c-cute," Michael noted, giving Calum a quick smile.

As Luke went to put the paper in the trash, Ashton asked curiously,"Have you dated anyone?"

"Um, yeah two people. Both were quick, nothing too serious and lasted maybe a few weeks," Luke shrugged, remembering the quick flings one in year nine and the other in year eleven. 

Ashton then chipped in,"And your dream date?"

"I'll admit, I'm a fan of hopeless romantic dates too," Luke gave him a little smirk and chuckled when Ashton blushed once again. 

He rolled his eyes, putting the papers away and Calum asked with a smug smile,"Who's the number on your hand, Hemmings? Got a hot date tonight?"

Ashton's eyes narrowed, seeing the number on Luke's hand. Everyone's attention was on him now and he scoffed,"Stop it! It's not a date or anything, it's Mitchel's number. He invited me to this party on Saturday. I figured I might as well do something fun."

"No way, you're not going," Calum ordered, grabbing his hand and looked at the number. 

Luke looked at him in disbelief,"You're not my mum, I can go if I want. My parents wouldn't care. They'd be happy to get me out of the house for the weekend."

"Fine, we're going then," Ashton ordered, walking over with a huff of annoyance. "We can't let you go to a party where there's drinking, drugs, and people wanting to have sex. You could get hurt if someone's not with you. So we might as well all go."

At first Luke wasn't sure if it was a good idea. But seeing as they are all friends, he didn't think it would hurt. He looked to Michael, who didn't seem to want to go but nodded anyways. He knew Michael didn't want to go and he didn't want to force him. Michael in crowded places isn't a good thing, he has social issues and can barely handle all four of them together.

However, he could figure that out later. When he went to leave after everyone grabbed their bags, he saw Michael wasn't with him and the boy disappeared. His first instinct was to try and find him, but he saw a text and it was from Michael saying it's okay and to walk without him.

So as Ashton and Luke left, Calum noticed and was a bit worried. He didn't know why he cared so much about Michael but he does. He basically made a promise to the boy. He said that Michael had him now. Basically implying he was there for him when Luke wasn't. And as far as it seems, Luke isn't there at the moment and so Calum needed to step up and be there for the boy.

He went on a search, looking around for the boy and raised an eyebrow when spotting Michael walking outside the back of the school. Calum waited a second, following slowly and watched Michael go towards the field. An amused expression formed on his face when seeing Michael crawl under the bleachers.

Without thinking about it, Calum tossed his bag to the side and followed Michael under the bleachers. He grinned a little, seeing the boy with brown dyed hair curling up and taking out his headphones. As if he does this a lot and apparently he does, because he vaguely remembers seeing green eyes looking through the steps at a football game one time when Calum was getting a drink.

Michael didn't seem to notice Calum was there, and Calum said casually,"Nice hide out."

A squeak of surprise left the boy, and he shyly looked at Calum with a shrug. Seeing as Michael wasn't going to talk unless he asked a question, Calum raised an eyebrow curiously,"So, what's the deal with the lion? I'm not trying to be mean, but what's the story. Why is he so important?"

A hurt look appeared in Michael's eyes and he shrugged again.

"We're friends, Michael. Trust me now, I won't tell anyone. I just want to know," Calum assured, patting Michael's knee in a quick motion.

Michael hesitantly said,"D-Daniel's my friend."

"I know, I can see that. But where's he from? Who got him for you? Why is he so special?" The boy asked in confusion, not understanding how losing a stuffed animal could make someone nearly cry and go into a panic attack.

A frown formed on Michael's face and he buried himself in his jacket,"No. Friend. Daniel is from a friend na-named Daniel. When I was l-little. Friend gave him to m-me. H-He moved. I named h-him after my friend. L-Last friend ever except for Luke, b-but he was my f-first friend."

Calum's heart dropped, feeling bad for asking. He nodded slowly, now understanding. He should have known it had some sympathy to it. He didn't say anything and that was okay. Nothing had to be said. But Calum didn't know that Michael never told anyone that story before. Not even Luke.

They sat there together under the bleachers. Calum's jeans had stains on them now from the mud, but Michael handed him an earbud questioningly. Calum took it with a small smile, thanking him with a nod and they listened to music together. Just sitting there and it was perfect.


	12. Chapter 12

Ashton has been to parties. Of course he has, when he was at his old school before moving. But he's never been to this kind of party. He figured it would be a really crowded one. He knew who Mitchel was. He knew him far too well. Not personally, but from what people have said about him.

Since Ashton is a 'nerd' he doesn't talk to anyone much. But he can lean back, looking at his book and be able to hear what everyone talks about. He's like secretly observing people with his head stuck in 'The Outsiders' as he would read it for the millionth time.

From what he's heard, Mitchel isn't a good guy. Not to mention he's gay and Ashton fears that maybe Mitchel will try hooking up with Luke at this party. He couldn't let that happen. For one, he wanted to be the one to hook up with Luke (not right away, only if they ever got together) and then there's the fact that he didn't want Luke regretting it. He didn't know if he was a virgin, but he didn't want to risk Luke losing it cause of Mitchel.

There's going to be alcohol, drugs and lots of sex. All those things in one can lead to a million problems. Each problem getting worse as he thought about it mroe. Which is why he had to beg his parents to let him go to his 'friend's house' so he could study more peacefully since his parents were having a dinner party with Lauren's dance teacher.

Ashton pleaded," Mum, I promise we're studying. I - I need to get a good grade on this exam. I can't focus with everyone being loud downstairs. I promise - swear- that we'll study. I'll bring my books and everything. Please? I'll call if something happens."

"It's Sunday night, Ashton. I don't want you staying up too late," She said, but by her voice he knew she was slowly agreeing probably because people were knocking on the door.

He grinned,"Yeah, but it'll be easier to remember the knowledge if I study overnight."

With that said, she reluctantly agreed. Ashton thanked her quickly, rushing upstairs and tugged on an ACDC sleeveless shirt with a pair of ripped skinny jeans. He pulled on a zip-up jacket to hide his cuts and decided to let his hair stay curly since he didn't have time to straighten it. He hates his hair curly, but whatever. 

He put in his contacts (glasses and a party don't go well together), took his pills, then sent Calum a quick text saying he was ready. Calum was picking everyone up because he's the only one who has a car and can drive. They can all drive except Michael and Luke, who never got their license considering their parents (guardian for Michael) were too careless about bringing them to get it.

Ashton nervously looked in the mirror, playing with his hair and frowned. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to drink, so he could make sure Luke doesn't go anywhere with Mitchel. But he also wanted to be a little cooler so maybe Luke would like him more. He must be somewhat interested in that Mitchel guy, who Ashton knew smoked and drank, so he needs to step up his game without looking like an idiot.

Suddenly he heard his phone beep and saw Calum said he was outside. Ashton sighed, checking his appearance once more and fixed up his tanktop. He went downstairs after getting his book from his bed to make sure he played off the whole 'studying' thing. 

His mum followed him to the door, saying sternly,"Study. I don't want to you fooling around, young man. I will text you every hour, make sure you answer. Now go and and wear are you glasses?"

"I'm wearing my contacts, mum," He assured, breathing in relief when she shut the door after saying good bye. No I love you or have a nice time. Not even bothering to make sure she knew who his friends were. But whatever. He preferred that rather than her being overprotected.

Ashton rushed to Calum's car, getting in the backseat and Calum raised an eyebrow in amusement,"Dude, this isn't a nerd party. Why did you bring a book?"

"My mum thinks I'm studying at your house," Ashton explained, gaping when seeing Maya in the passenger seat. He gave Calum a look of disbelief and then said to Maya with a timid smile,"Hey, I'm Ashton."

"I know," She said with a smile, nodding at him. "You look different."

"I know," He replied and tension was clearly in the air. 

Calum cleared his throat, heading to Michael's house where he knew Luke would also be. The drive there was awkward, no one bothering to put on music and Ashton fiddled with his fingers. Why would he bring Maya? Ashton swore he had feelings for Michael, it didn't make sense. Not to mention it was rude since Luke invited them, not her.

He could feel himself growing paranoid, wondering how the night will play out. If any of the boys will end up sleeping with someone and worst of all, the boy being Luke. He didn't like that thought. He didn't want Luke sleeping with anyone because Ashton likes him so much. 

Now Maya is here and that will make Michael upset, which means Luke would be worried and may end up drinking cause that's what people do to calm their nerves. Surely Mitchel will see this, know he's drunk and Ashton wouldn't be able to stop Luke from going into a room with him and doing god knows what.

He nearly jumped when hearing Calum honk his horn. He felt his hands becoming a little clammy, taking a Small breath and scooted over as Michael and Luke came out of the house. Ashton saw Calum get out, wearing a plain white tank top and black skinnies. He noticed the way Calum nearly gaped, eyeing Michael with this in shock expression.

He couldn't blame the guy. Michael definitely looked different. Usually he's wearing that worn out brown hoodie and jeans. But here he was with his hair brushed out a bit more to the side, wearing a tight fitting black shirt with the sleeves to his elbow showing how small he was, black skinny jeans and some necklaces. He looked hot as fuck, but Ashton was more into blondes, so.

Michael blushed under Calum's stare, saying quietly,"Hi."

"O-Oh, um yeah. Hey. W-We should go and yeah, I like your shirt," Calum said awkwardly, glancing down and opening the door for them. Ashton frowned, he never did that for him. Rude. 

After the boy's were in, Ashton shyly glanced at Luke who was sitting next to him. He mouthed,'hey' and Luke just nodded at him sheepishly. He wore a black vans off the wall shirt and a black jean jacket over it that rolled to his elbows. Now that was definitely sexy, Ashton thought and took out his Sociology book so he could at least study for the ten minute drive. 

Luke snorted, not saying anything and that's when he noticed the girl in the front seat. He grimaced, rolling his eyes and saw Michael slumped against the car door with his head leaning on the window and a frown on his face. He's been down since losing Daniel and Calum bringing his girlfriend made it worse.

The ride to the party was probably more awkward than anything any of the boys have been through. Michael finally put in his earbuds, sighing at the sweet voice of Ariana Grande. He doesn't care what people say. He can like whoever he wants, when people insult singers he enjoys it's like insulting him. Because the music you listen to defines who you are. Not necessarily everything you listen to. But your favorite singers and bands do, since those are the ones you agree with when listening to their songs repetitively.

Of course, Luke teases Michael for loving Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift. He doesn't care. He knows Luke loves him and doesn't mean anything by it. But if someone insults his favorite singer, it hurts him. They make him happy, like some bands and singers do to other people. So knowing people hate on his favorite singers that make him happy breaks his heart.

He sighed, glancing up when they arrived at the house. It was busy like hell. So many people were there, cars parked around the neighborhood. He didn't know why Mitchel's friend changed the day from Saturday to Sunday, doesn't he know people will be hung over? Apparently that was the plan. 

As the boys got out of the car, Michael nervously did the same and flinched when someone ran passed him. He glanced around for Luke, seeing him walking towards the door and rushed over. He clung onto the blonde's arm, seeing Luke give him a sympathetic smile then wrap an arm around his shoulder. He noticed the jealous look in Ashton's eyes, smirking a bit and held onto Luke tighter. Maybe that wasn't the nicest thing to do, but he didn't care.

When they entered the house, he frowned seeing Calum walk off with Maya but ignored it. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as he thought. There were a lot of people, but it wasn't crowded since the house was huge. People were spread from the kitchen to the living room and Michael sighed in relief but kept his grip on Luke just in case.

Luke looked around, instantly spotting Mitchel chatting with some girls and having a beer in his hand. Mitchel must have felt him staring, cause he turned and smirked when spotting Luke. He said something to the girls, then walked over and eyed Luke, biting his bottom lip slightly.

Both Ashton and Michael were instantly jealous, especially when Mitchel casually wrapped an arm around Luke and nonchalantly shoved Michael's hand away. Michael frowned, glancing at Ashton who ignored him. Mitchel said as he walked off with Luke, the two boys following like lost puppies,"So I see you made it. Sorry about the change of days, my friend wanted to see what it would be like if people were hungover at school. Stupid, but funny. Am I right?"

"Y-Yeah, um maybe you shouldn't drink," Luke offered, glancing at the cup in his hand.

Mitchel cooed, pinching his cheek,"Aren't you just adorable, c'mon you can take the rest of mine. I'll get another one, you guys might wanna chill in the kitchen for a bit.It gets crazy in the living room. Wouldn't want you guys getting tugged away and pulled in the bedrooms."

Ashton rolled his eyes, scoffing under his breath when Mitchel left. He turned to Luke and Michael. Michael sat on the stool and Ashton glanced at Luke, gaping when he went to drink the beer. He yanked the cup from Luke's hand,"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I was just gonna finish it off. I wasn't going to drink a lot," Luke frowned, going to reach for the cup but Ashton tossed it in the trash. Luke glared,"Whatever. You're such a buzzkill."

Ashton mimicked him with an annoyed expression, sitting next to Michael and they sighed in sync. The two glanced at each other, then at Luke and tensed when seeing he dissapeared. Ashton groaned, rubbing his face in frustration and realized how Luke acted like a little kid, always walking off without saying anything.

Instead of looking for him, he decided to stay with Michael. At least they knew each other, so they won't be the only ones unsure of what to do. It was awkward for a while, people were around and chatting with slurs. Michael seemed to be growing more panicky when it got more crowded, cringing in on himself and looked lost without Daniel and his brown hoodie he always hides in.

Finally, Ashton sighed and got up. Michael gasped, pleading quietly,"N-No. Stay. P-Please."

Ashton just grabbed his hand, pulling Michael down and led him through the crowd of people. Even though Michael doesn't like Ashton, he felt safer with him rather than anyone else around. So he quickly clung onto his jacket, following the shorter boy to the den, where a few people were playing games and they went to the corner where beanbag chairs were and sat down away from everyone.

A thankful smile appeared on Michael's face. He muttered a small 'thank you' and Ashton just shrugged. He took out his phone, seeing his mum texted and sent a quick picture of himself in the back that looked like he was at a friends house, which he technically was. Despite not knowing the person.

It was loud, people were now crowding the room too and Michael awkwardly scooted closer to Ashton. He felt his heart drop when seeing Calum dancing with Maya, the two practically grinding on each other as 'Ass Like That' was playing and Michael's breath hitched when they started kissing.

He knew they were together. He's seen them kiss. But for some reason it hurt more. Knowing him and Calum were so much closer, how he told Calum everything about Daniel and he just thought maybe they were becoming more than friends. But he obviously got his hopes up and there's no way Calum could like him.

Ashton's eyes widened, seeing Michael get up and make his way through the crowd. He wasn't sure if he should follow him, but he did and rushed through. He spotted Michael trembling, tears falling rapidly and he looked so confused and hurt. Not knowing where to go as people kept looking at him with judgment.

A pitiful expression showed on Ashton's face. He saw Michael go to the bathroom and hesitantly followed, opening the door and saw Michael sitting on the floor with a heartbroken look. Ashton shut the door behind him, crouching down and asked quietly,"You alright? What a dumb question of course you're not. Is it about Calum?"

"K-Kissing," Michael mumbled under his breath, and Ashton figured he meant him and Maya were kissing. "They were k-kissing and I thought maybe he liked ... n-nevermind."

Ashton nodded knowingly, gnawing on his bottom lip to think of something to say. But Michael doesn't like talking anyways, so he leaned against the bathroom wall with him and they stayed quiet. Both were lost with their crushes, not sure what to make of everything.

Calum was being a jerk with his in denial stage, Luke was too busy getting drunk and smoking. He was giving Ashton mixed signals, flirting then distancing himself. So Michael and Ashton sat there together, leaning against the bathroom wall and neither wanted to go to the party. They just went for two people that weren't even paying attention to them or noticing they were missing.

Or so they thought.

-

Mitchel takes Luke's lip between his own, his breath tasting of alcohol and smoke.Luke moans quiet as he stayed pressed against the back of the wall, kissing him deeply. Mitchel's hand is cupping Luke through his pants, squeezing, merciless. He kisses Luke, taunting, and then laughs quietly as he kisses down his neck when Luke whined slightly at the lost of his lips.

He glanced at him, pressing his forehead to Luke's, listening to him breathe before whispering to him, " You're so beautiful, did you know that?" When he didn't get a response, he just went back to kissing him. His lips frantic, harsher and more quick as he placed a hand on the small of Luke's back, rutting his hips against Luke's.

It was fine for a while, Luke only had one drink so he wasn't that drunk. Only a little, since he wasn't good with alcohol apparently. His tongue roamed with Mitchel's, feeling the wall of the closet vibrating from the loud music and breath hitched when Mitchel tugged on his lip ring.

He's done this before, being intimate with a guy. But it was only when he had a boyfriend, how it's with some guy he barely knew and yeah, he feels safe with him. However, Mitchel started unbuckling his jeans and Luke felt himself feeling closed in, breath heavy and he didn't want it.

Luke felt his throat close, no words coming out but when he started tugging his jeans down Luke said frantically,"Stop, no, no, no! P-Please, stop."

Mitchel immediately stopped, looking at him with a mixture of concern and confusion,"What's wrong? Don't you want it?"

"No, I - I don't do this. I don't do one night stands, I'm sorry. I just thought we were um, kissing and stuff," Luke admitted, rebuttoning his jeans sheepishly. He felt embarrassed and stupid. Of course this is what happens at parties, but he wasn't going to let someone who's not his boyfriend blow him. He's not that type of person.

"Well, what if I didn't want it to be a one night stand?" Mitchel offered with a small smirk, cradling Luke's cheek with his hand and his eyes were hazed over with alcohol.

Luke's breath caught in his throat, the offer catching him off guard. He liked Mitchel. The guy was sweet, cocky and just an all around fun person. But he would never be Ashton. No one can beat Ashton. His feelings for the dorky nerd were way too deep for anyone to compete with.

He hesitated, gulping slowly when Mitchel pressed his lips to Luke's pale neck. Luke felt his knees go weak, eyes closing when Mitchel sucked a lovebite on his sweet spot. He lightly pushed him away, telling the older boy,"I - I don't know, I can't. I just. I like someone else."

"Mmhmm, then why are you and not Ashton?" Mitchel scoffed.

Luke's heart dropped,"How'd you-"

"It's obvious, but if you really liked him then you wouldn't be making out with me when you could be dancing with him," Mitchel pointed out, pecking Luke's lips repeatedly before leaving them rested against his. He waited a second, then kissed him softly.

Suddenly a loud laugh made Luke jump from behind the closet door. He stumbled a bit, saying quickly as he rested his hand on the doorknob,"I - I'll think about it, okay?"

"Whatever," Mitchel chuckled, giving him an amused look

Luke opened the door, glancing down the halls before rushing out. He should have just said no. However, he couldn't let the words form to say that. Mitchel had him cornered, he was seducing him and that wasn't fair at all. It was sneaky and mischievous, but definitely not fair.

Instead of thinking about it too much, Luke fixed himself up and made sure he didn't look like he was almost given a blowjob from a drunk guy who likes him. He went to the party where everyone was, searching for Ashton and Michael. He felt bad for abandoning them but Mitchel was the one tugging him away and offering him a cigarette. Sadly he took it.

He spotted Calum talking to the guys from the track team. When he walked passed, Calum glanced at him but then looked away as soon as he did. Typical, Luke thought as he noticed the red cup in Calum's hand. He shook his head and went over to the den where people were gathered.

Relief flooded him when seeing Michael and Ashton sitting in the corner, talking quietly. Actually talking. Michael was obviously stuttering, but also seemed upset and Luke quietly walked over. He overheard him saying something about Calum and Luke figured he was admitting his feelings. He was right.

Ashton patted Michael's shoulder, saying softly,"I'm sure he likes you, just give him some time."

"Hey guys," Luke interrupted, frowning when they glared at him.

Before anyone could say anything, a girl exclaimed,"Who's up for truth or dare? Line up in a circle if you are."

"How can a circle be in a line?" Ashton asked in confusion, blushing when the girl glared at him. She was obviously intoxicated.

Michael jumped up, hearing Ariana Grande 'Problem' playing and everyone looked at him in amusement. His face went red, looking down sheepishly and they all looked at each other. As if to ask if they were going to play. Luke shrugged, went over to the circle and sat down.

Ashton was the one who tugged Michael away, giving him a small knowing look. He pointed to where Calum was sat in the circle with Maya. But Michael went anyways, causing Ashton to groan. He just knew this wasn't going to end well. He went over to the circle, reluctantly sitting next to Luke, Michael on the other side of the blonde.

As the girl explained the rules, Luke kept glancing at Mitchel who joined the game. Ashton noticed and slumped his shoulder slightly. He didn't like Mitchel. The rules were simply, spin the bottle, the person it lands on says truth or dare and the one spun it gives out the truth or dare.

At first it was fine. They started small, daring to kiss people and it only landed on Luke so far. He just had to put an ice cube down his pants which was funny, since he kept hopping around like a bunny. Ashton couldn't hold back the laugh and Michael actually smiled, loosening up a bit.

Calum then admitted to being arrested for stealing, but it was only a pack of gum he assured. No one believed him. It was actually fun, Ashton realized as he looked at all the strangers. He didn't mind going to parties anymore. Well, that was until the bottle landed on him.

"Truth or Dare?" Maya grinned from where she sat next to Calum, more drunk than ever.

He hesitated, hearing people tell him to pick dare. So he did; "Dare."

"Hmmm, uno momento." She giggled, holding up a finger.

She stood up with a small stumble, leaving the room as everyone looked at her in confusion. Ashton glanced at Calum, who shrugged. Soon she returned, holding something behind her back and went over to where Ashton sat, smirking when she showed him a pair of handcuffs.

Ashton's eyes widened,"What the h- No!"

Before he could shove her away, the girl snapped one on his wrist and the other on Luke's. The two boys gaped, staring at each other in horror as she giggled like an idiot. They both tried tugging them off but they were actual metal handcuffs. Like the ones police use.

"This isn't funny, take them off," Luke pleaded, wincing as he tried getting it off his wrist.

The problem was, Ashton's cuts were rubbing against the metal when they moved and he whimpered slightly when Luke tugged a little too hard. Luke quickly apologized, forgetting about them and Ashton just groaned when Maya tripped on her way to Calum.

Ashton rolled his eyes,"How long do we keep them on?"

"Ummmm, till we're done playing," She shrugged lazily.

So he sighed and scooted closer to Luke since the handcuffs were chaffing. He spun the bottle, daring the person to eat a packet of ketchup. They played a bit longer, but Ashton couldn't focus with the warmth of Luke so close to him. His heart raced a bit when Luke's finger casual brushed against his hand.

When he looked at Luke, he sighed when the blonde just stared ahead. But there was a little smirk on his lips that Ashton didn't catch. It was going to happen eventually, but Michael was hoping the bottle would never land on him. However, it did and his heart nearly exploded.

"Truth or dare?"

Michael didn't like talking. He nervously fidgeted with his fingers, glancing at Luke who said for him,"Dare."

No, Michael didn't want dare. But the girl grinned, looking thoughtful as she glanced around the room for a dare. Her eyes fell on Calum, smirking as she said,"I dare you to sit on Calum's lap for the rest of the game."

To most people it wouldn't matter. However, Michael has feelings for Calum. He couldn't handle the thought of being that close to him, literally sitting on him. And Calum didn't seem pleased with the idea either as he glanced at Maya, who was too drunk to care. He seemed tipsy himself.

Michael crawled over to Calum, who awkwardly opened his arms and Michael reluctantly sat on his lap. A few girls were giggling, some guys looking uncomfortable. Dude, it's a dare, get over it. For a few turns it was awkward, Michael stiff in the position and not sure if he could lean back or not. Because it would be weird for Calum.

But, then he felt Calum slowly wrap his arms around his waist. Michael blushed, glancing back at Calum who was avoiding eye contact. Michael relaxed a bit, slowly leaning back and he could smell the alcohol on Calum's breath as it tickled his neck, making him shivering a bit.

He glanced around, feeling the warmth of Calum's body heat and Luke was watching them from across the room. He smirked to himself, knowing Calum had feelings for Michael. It was obviously, considering he was so awkward with the sitting on lap dare. Straight guys are usually confident with their sexuality. If they're worried about a guy sitting on their lap, they're obviously worried about 'turning' gay which means they already are.

But Luke was too focused on the fact that the game finally ended. He sighed in relief, getting up with Ashton's hands cuffed to his. He glanced at Michael, who gasped when Calum roughly pushed him off his lap. Luke gaped at him, shoving Calum who stumbled back.

He sneered,"What the hell? Why did you push him?!"

"Just leave me alone, Hemmings," Calum glared, shoving passed him.

Luke rolled his eyes in disgust, offering Michael a hand who didn't take it. He frowned when Michael wrapped is arms around himself and looked down. The boy asked quietly,"H-Home?"

"Um, yeah sure. We just need to find Maya," He said apologetically, lifting his hand that was cuffed with Ashton's.

A nod was all he received. They clung together (literally) and went on a search for the girl. Luckily they spotted her with Calum (Luke wasn't pleased) kissing in the kitchen. Luke wasn't surprised when Michael glanced away and walked to the corner of the room.

He went over to the couple, roughly tapping on her shoulder. She pulled her lips from Calum's, asking with a slur,"What d'you want?"

"Uncuff us," He ordered, nodding at his and Ashton's hands.

She frowned, admitting awkwardly,"U-Uh, my friend has them."

"Where is she?" Ashton scoffed, looking around for some girls he's seen her with.

Maya looked up thoughtfully, eyebrows furrowed and gasped,"Oh fuck. S-She left with her boyfriend? About ten minutes ago. She doesn't even, like, know he's sleeping with her sister, pft. slut. M'sorrrry. Bring'em tomorrow to school, okey dokey?"

Ashton looked at her in disbelief,"What the fuck do you expect us to do? I need to go home! I can't go with Luke, my mum would be pissed off."

"Oopsie, not muh problem," She shrugged, taking Calum's hand and dragged him away.

Luke groaned,"Looks like I'm stuck with you."

They glanced at each other, sighing and nodded for Michael to come over. He didn't say anything when seeing they were still cuffed together. Instead of asking Calum to drive them home, they walked. Ashton called his mum, saying he's spending the night and received yelling and shouting from the woman. 

Luke felt bad for him, seeing how hurt he was by the yelling but stayed quiet. They dropped Michael off, the boy not even saying goodbye. He was too hurt by the way Calum roughly pushed him off his lap, like he was disgusting or something. It was a dare, Calum was holding him, so why did he shove him off like that? It made no sense.

On the way to Luke's, Ashton was quiet and looked exhausted. He could barely keep his eyes open and by the time they went to Luke's house it was around eleven. They've only been at the party for three hours, so they would have at least seven hours of sleeps.

Luckily his parents were asleep, so he unlocked the door and quietly led Ashton to his room. He shut the door and locked it just in case his dad wanted to barge through in the morning. He awkwardly looked at Ashton, who glanced down and a small silence fell.

Luke finally sighed,"Alright, let's change."

"How?" Ashton asked in confusion. "In case you haven't noticed, we're stuck together."

He didn't reply, just grabbing some pajamas and handed Ashton a pair. They started with their jeans and winced whenever one was pulling the other towards him. It took a while, but they succeeded. When it got to the shirts, they decided to figure that out in the morning.

Once they were changed, Ashton was annoyed at the fact that he had a jacket one. Sadly he couldn't take it off, but then he admitted awkwardly,"I - I kind of have to use the bathroom..."

"Really? Seriously? Nope, you're gonna wait until we're apart," Luke said sternly, tugging him towards the bed and Ashton winced when the cuffs rubbed against his cuts. Luke frowned,"Sorry, are you okay?"

"Yeah, but I really have to go to the bathroom," He said sheepishly, whining at Luke's expression,"C'mon! It's not that bad, just look away. Guys piss in front of each other in public bathrooms."

"Ugh, this is so weird. I hate you," Luke sighed, blushing like an idiot as he led Ashton to the bathroom. He glanced down the hall, making sure no lights were on and was relieved when they weren't.

You could say it was hard to be handcuffed to someone when they use the bathroom. Especially since you're a guy, the handcuffs not too long and well, Luke just looked away and after Ashton washed his hands, he remembered he had contacts in and reluctantly threw them away. His mum would be mad, but it's better than risking them getting infected.

Afterwards, they rushed back to the bathroom and decided not to talk about that situation. Ashton and Luke headed in the bed, both laying side by side and staring at the ceiling. It was quiet, the bed small so they were pressed together tightly with their arms touching. Suddenly Luke's hand entwined with Ashton's, giving his a squeeze. 

He turned to Ashton," I like your hair. Um, curly I mean. Not that it's ugly straight. I like it both ways, cause any hair style looks good on you. And um, yeah."

"Oh, u-uh thanks. I didn't have time to do it, so," Ashton admitted, biting his bottom lip nervously and felt Luke staring at him.

Luke nodded, then asked quietly,"Wanna like, cuddle...? So it's more comfortable, you know? I - I can't lay on my back and sleep, so it's easier that way."

Ashton looked at him with a shy smile, nodding and they turned so they were facing each other under the covers, their cuffed hands entwined between their heads and Luke watched as Ashton fell asleep. He smiled a bit at the boy. Ashton's lips parted slightly, small breaths leaving and eyelashes fluttering ever so often. 

Luke wasn't fond of being cuffed together, but he was with Ashton and maybe it wasn't too bad. As long as they can be released tomorrow. He had no idea how the morning will turn out, hopefully well. He then smiled when seeing Ashton's nose scrunched a bit like a bunny, remembering what Mitchel asked and he knew his answer now.

Meanwhile, twenty minutes away Calum was eagerly kissing Maya, thrusting into her as she moaned beneath him. He was drunk and careless, but luckily remembered a condom and didn't even know where he was. Surely her house, remembering how she didn't live too far. 

It was dumb to drive drunk, thankfully they were alive. And not to mention her parents weren't home. He didn't know what made him hook up with her, but it wasn't the first time. He was tired, though. Barely able to keep going on but she kept screaming faster and harder.

So he kept going, leaning over her as she kept kissing and touching him. Her long, painted fingernails scraping into his back and he winced but actually liked pain so oh well. Calum breathed heavily, mind foggy and he was just mad, you could say. Mad at everyone and everything.

He was mad at Michael, the most. His stupid hair and face and personality. Which was why he even went to the party, so he could be with Michael. Weird, but true. Except he had to walk out of the house in those hot clothes and new hairstyle, being all beautiful and shy.

It wasn't fair, Calum thought as he slammed into the girl more with everything he had. He would never hurt someone, but she liked it so he kept going. Stupid Michael, he thought, stupid smile and stupid stuttering that's so cute. Suddenly he was coming and moaned out,"F-Fuck, M-Michael!"

His eyes widened, tensing slightly and glanced at Maya was was barely able to keep her eyes opened. Thank god, she's asleep he realized. Calum awkwardly got up, tossing out the condom in her trash can and it's her fault if her parents find it, he told himself.

He laid down next to his girlfriend who sleepily cuddled into his sweaty body. Calum nervously wrapped an arm around her, not able to sleep cause he said Michael's name. He screamed Michael's name during sex with his girlfriend. What the hell does that mean? But soon realization hit.

"Oh fuck," He groaned, leaning his head back in annoyance. 

He likes Michael, Calum realized and rolled away from the girl. He stuffed his face in her pink pillow, letting out a muffled scream. Because he's just drunk, it was an easy mistake. Both started with M and he was with both today, that's all.

Too bad it really wasn't, because he can't help who his heart truly wants.


	13. Chapter 13

Waking up in your girlfriend's house should feel amazing. Knowing what they did last night, Calum should be grinning and feeling proud of doing that. But, he felt nauseous because memories from last night seeped through his brain and he could hear Maya making breakfast downstairs.

He grimaced a bit, burying his face in her pillow and realized he had boxers on, meaning she nicely covered him up probably because he kicks off blankets during the nighttime and well, he was naked. They've done this before, getting drunk and sleeping together, so it was like a routine.

Even though it's Monday, it didn't matter. He doesn't get a lot of sleep anyways. Last night he didn't go to bed till around four and it's six. So he has to live off two hours of sleep once again. It didn't matter. With a little coffee he should be able to make it through school.

When he passed out a couple weeks ago, his dad didn't think it was from insomnia. Calum doesn't blame him. His father assumed he was getting wasted which he does sometimes. But when he tried explaining his sleeping problems, his parents didn't care and thought he was using that as an excuse and to hide the fact that he drinks.

They know and they're not stupid. His parents can tell he drinks sometimes, which is why he isn't home. He has tons of texts and calls from his parents. However, he's going to ignore them like usual. If they really cared then they wouldn't have let him go to the party in the first place.

Calum groaned, getting up and was glad he didn't puke or feel sick. He did have a headache, sadly. He went through her drawers where he had clothes sneakily placed from her parents. They do this way too much, he realized as he tugged on his black skinnies and a sleeveless shirt. He got his jacket he wore last night, smelling it before nodding and putting it on.

He then sprayed some of her perfume and was glad he had deodorant in his gym locker after using her comb to brush his hair. He saw her foundation and saw it was a completely different shade from his skin tone. However, he shrugged and made sure it wasn't noticeable as he used it to hide the bags under his eyes. It's sad how good he is at hiding it, really.

When he went downstairs, he saw Maya cooking with a red sweater on and some jeggings. She glanced at him with sleepy eyes, smiling timidly and handing him a cup of coffee then some painkillers to take away the headache. He didn't know if it was safe to take pills with coffee, but shrugged and did anyways. Coffee is basically flavored water anyways.

He thanked her when she gave him some eggs and bacon, eating quietly as she joined him at the island. Her house is very beautiful considering her mum is a model. That's probably why she's so beautiful. He knew she was a nice girl, but last night was making everything change so quickly. His thoughts and emotions were mixing up and he was just - he was very confused.

It wasn't long till the silence broke, Maya asking quietly,"So, who's Michael?"

The question nearly killed Calum, him practically choking slightly and face going bright red. He shifted awkwardly, licking his lips nervously. He considered lying, saying he had no idea and that he was just wasted. But the sad part is, Calum wasn't wasted at all. He was drunk, but knew what he was doing and saying.

Calum slumped his shoulders in defeat, admitting,"He...He's the guy that um, I drove with us to the party. The guy with black dyed hair and clothes. He was pretty quiet."

"The one who sat on your lap for the dare," She concluded, picking at her food and he simply nodded. "So, do you like, um have feelings for him or whatever?"

"I'm dating you."

"That's not what I asked, Calum."

"I like girls."

"Okay."

"I like you."

"I like you, too."

"Good."

After that they just left, Calum taking the car and groaned when he got in and saw her driving off. He banged his head on the steering wheel despite having a headache and just wanted to stab everyone. Okay, that's extreme but he was unsure of what to do now. His girlfriend is even questioning his sexuality and that's not right.

If anything, she should be the one saying 'you're straight' but she's not. And it wasn't helping at all. He needed someone to say this so that he can know. He wasn't use to having to make up his own mind over everything. People speak for him, and he likes it that way. His friends tell him what to do, but now he has to.

He needs to make his own decisions and that seems so simple and 'duh' to people. But for him it wasn't, he didn't like it and on the ride to school he could barely stay awake. He rubbed his eyes sleepily at the red light, yawning when he turned green and gasped as he practically swerved off the road.

A guy yelled at him in curse words and he sheepishly focused on the road once again. His heart was slamming in his chest, realizing he could have died. Maybe he shouldn't have gone to school, however he pulled into the parking lot and knew it was too late to change his mind anyways.

After grabbing his bag he kept in the backseat, he saw Ashton's book and snatched it up to give it to him. He nodded at a few people as he passed them, smirking a bit when a girl winked at him but knew not to do that since he's taken. He's taken by a beautiful girl. Michael is far from his mind.

He went to his locker, putting his bag away and took out his binder and fixed up his hair then made sure the foundation was working well. It was. He smiled at himself, then went on a search for Ashton. He had to be discrete when giving him the book, because he can't be seen with him. That's social suicide.

On the way down the hall, he raised an eyebrow when seeing Luke and Ashton handcuffed together still. Then chuckled when remembering the dare and shook his head in amusement. It was amusing, seeing Luke carrying their books and Ashton's hair was really messy, probably from the lack of brushing it.

Calum walked over, glancing around and rushed to hand Ashton his book. He mumbled quickly,"You left it in the car, you look hilarious. I'll try to get the key from Maya, good luck. See you after school, right?"

They nodded, watching him rush off and Luke scoffed a bit. He didn't see why he had to run away. They weren't that lame, people won't hate him for hanging out with them. And Luke's on the track team, so he's considered 'decent' now instead of 'freak material' or whatever. School sucks .

Luke groaned when seeing his hair. It was flat slightly, not in the usual quiff and he frowned, pouting a bit,"I told you I needed to use hairspray."

"I think it's cute," Ashton said quietly, fixing up his glasses and blushed a little when Luke grinned at him.

Let's just say, the morning was terrible. Since they were at Luke's, his dad banged on the door at six in the morning and Luke had to hide Ashton behind the door when he opened it. It was tough, but they succeeded. Then the struggled changing and Ashton had to wear the same top again along with his jacket since he couldn't change it.

But hopefully they could be released at the end of the day before school is over. They also had to rush to Ashton's and grab his bag, they somehow managed to hide the handcuffs from Ashton's mum who wasn't pleased that he didn't come home at the time he said he would. He knew he would get in trouble when he goes home later.

Either way, they were kind of proud that they managed to get to school. But when they went to class and tried explaining that they couldn't exactly go to both their classes (considering the different schedules at some parts) the teachers weren't pleased and Luke went to Ashton's because he knew Ashton would freak out if he missed something. Which led to Luke being relieved that he grabbed Ashton's pills before they left and made sure he took them.

He couldn't imagine Ashton having an anxiety attack with him there. It was bad enough knowing Ashton was torturing his cuts with the handcuffs. He could see Ashton purposely rubbing them against the metal, almost like he was trying to hurt himself with it and Luke didn't like that at all.

So he held his hand.

When he did that, Ashton blushed and tried hiding his giddy expression. Another problem was the fact that Ashton's right hand was cuffed. Meaning he couldn't take notes. Which also meant Luke had to take the notes. And well, Luke's handwriting isn't the best ever and Ashton was definitely panicking over how sloppy they were.

He's not a neat freak, but when someone's handwriting is so bad that you can't read it, life sucks in his opinion. But Luke insisted he could rewrite them when they're uncuffed, so Ashton calmed down some and relaxed a bit. Having the day off wasn't too bad. He still listened to the teacher and Luke was holding his hand. It was great.

However, lunch rolled around like a barrel and in line they were trying to get their food. Michael was with them, holding one of their trays and it was like a typical teen movie. Some guy walked over, smacking the tray up and it spilled all over Michael, causing his hair to be drenched with milk and apple sauce to spread on his brown sweater he loved so much.

The worst part was Luke recognized the guy as Brent. He's a friend of Mitchel, who stood next to Brent with a hesitant expression as his eyes met Luke's. Luke raised an eyebrow at him, and Mitchel smacked his friend's arm with a warning expression.

Brent laughed at Mitchel's expression and exclaimed to Luke and the others,"Oops, sorry freaks. Oh wow, the two faggots are handcuffed together. Some kinky nerds we have here."

"It - It was a dare! We can't find the keys," Ashton exclaimed, cringing when hearing people laugh.

Michael looked helpless, grimacing at his clothes and he looked over to Calum's table. Calum wasn't laughing, but he wasn't helping either. Michael gave him a pleading look, looking at him hopefully but of course Calum just looked down at his food with a frown.

A look of disbelief covered Michael's face and he shoved passed Luke to go to the bathroom. Luke glared at Mitchel,"I can't believe you let your friend do that to us!"

"I didn't let him do anything, Luke," Mitchel retorted, narrowing his eyes a bit. "I can't stop him, I didn't know he did it till I turned around. I may not be the nicest person ever, but I don't bully people. Nice to know you have high hopes for me, I'm second-guessing my little question I asked you Yesterday. You're not as cool as I thought you were, Hemmings. Assume makes an ass out of you and me, haven't you heard?"

Before Luke could say anything, Mitchel rolled his eyes and left to Brent who waved obnoxiously to the two boys. Ashton seemed confused, but suddenly Luke was tugging them to the bathroom. He could deal with Mitchel later, right now Michael was in need of a friend.

Ashton whimpered a bit, feeling his cuts open a bit and tried not to show his pain when they went to the bathroom. The two grimaced at the smell of milk and apple sauce, seeing Michael trying to wash out the smell from his hoodie with a Save the Queen sleeveless shirt on and hair dripping.

Michael looked up at them with sad green eyes through the mirror. He looked down again, scrubbing his hoodie with soap and sniffling a bit. No one said anything, just helping him. Ashton tried rinsing his fringe, dark brown hair and Luke was using a paper towel to wipe his face a bit while Michael felt uncomfortable, but somehow loved with all this attention.

He wasn't mad. He doesn't care about Brent and what he did. he was more upset with Calum. It's not like he needs a knight in shining armor to save him. But he would at least appreciate Calum being a friend and asking if he was okay, because he wasn't at all. He's embarrassed and that's it.

When the bell rang, Michael sighed at the dirty hoodie in his hands and his two friends gave him a sympathetic smile. Yes, Ashton is now a friend and Michael appreciates him helping so much. Because he's been rather rude to Ashton when it came to Luke and he shouldn't be.

Ashton told him softly, patting his arm,"You'll be alright."

Michael just nodded and they left.

-

Seeing as he doesn't like people and people don't like him, Michael sat under the bleachers. They had a meeting today for the S.O.S club but Calum and Luke had track practice. Since Luke was a little...tied up, he showed Coach Hood who actually laughed and let him go.

Luke and Ashton were setting up the club and Michael was hidden in his usual spot with earbuds in and the music loud as Taylor sang to him. Well, he can imagine. He was watching Calum, who was running faster than ever but also seemed a little weak and barely able to keep going.

Honestly, Michael was still upset with him but it's obvious the guy couldn't keep running for an hour. He watched while nibbling on his thumbnail, watching nervously. He was scared that Calum might pass out again. He didn't want to see that happen, Calum may be a jerk sometimes but his health is doing so well.

Meanwhile, Calum was panting as he took a gulp of water, wiping his mouth and blinked profusely to keep his eyes opened. He glanced around, making sure to sneakily take a piece of gum that was like the Monster drink and could keep him focused for a little while.

It worked. He kept running, doing the exercises and his dad seemed proud despite not knowing where his son was last night. He wasn't an idiot though. He figured he was with his girlfriend and Calum was happy to know his dad didn't question him too much after practice.

After washing off and changing in the locker room, Calum forgot his phone on the bleachers and rushed outside. He grabbed it, seeing Maya texted and went to reply but heard a small squeak and furrowed his eyebrows slightly. He then smirked a bit, rolling his eyes and crawled under the bleachers.

As he did so, he chuckled quietly when seeing Michael frowning at his finger and Calum scooted closer. He reached for Michael's hand, causing the boy to jump in surprise since he didn't notice Calum before. A small smile was on Calum's face and he reached for Michael's hand again.

Michael showed him to the small splinter on his finger, and Calum shook his head in amusement. He shouldn't be helping Michael at all, but he couldn't help it. He took Michael's hand in his, smiling a bit at how small and cute his fingers were. Skin pale enough to notice the tiny splinter on his pointer finger.

His nails weren't too long, but they were long enough for him to pinch out the splinter and Michael winced a bit but sighed in relief when seeing Calum holding up the little splinter. But then Michael glared, snatching his hand away and not even mumbling a small thank you.

Calum sighed,"Mike-I mean, um Michael. I know you're mad about earlier, but I - I couldn't help you. I'm really sorry, but my reputation-"

A huff of disagreement was heard and Calum just frowned. He quietly placed a hand on Michael's shoulder, saying softly without thinking,"I care about you."

"L - Liar," Michael pouted, crawling passed Calum to get out but Calum got in the way. He narrowed his green eyes, saying to the taller boy,"M - Move."

"No, Michael listen to me," Calum pleaded in desperation. He didn't like how much he needed the boy. But he did and had no idea why. Michael just meant so much to him, he couldn't help but feel the need to have Michael in his life. And knowing he may not like him was hurting Calum.

However, Michael whined,"O - Out. Want o-out. Please."

"Fine," Calum reluctantly moved out of the way, letting Michael through and sadly did the same. They both got up, dusting their jeans and didn't spare each other a glance the whole way to the club.

He shouldn't have let him get away that easily, however it will help. Because it's showing he has enough respect to obey Michael's wishes. Michael wanted to leave, so he let him. It wasn't fair to keep Michael trapped under the bleachers. Calum will just have to try again another time.

When they reached the club, they saw Ashton and Luke sitting on the table and looking through a case full of movies and flipping through them. They were chuckling quietly, pointing at a few movies and smiling. It was a cute sight, Calum admits but then moved the thought away.

He knocked on the door to signal they're walking in, Michael speeding to his seat and sitting down. He frowned when having nothing to hold. Daniel is still missing, has been for a few days now and he feels lost. He's looked everywhere, but the stuffed animal is just gone. Making him feel like he's lost all touch with his old friend forever.

Luke glanced up and grinned,"Hey guys, we decided to watch a movie. Then we're gonna talk about it and well, compare to the characters. It's the Breakfast Club."

They all shrugged, Ashton pulling out his laptop and placing it on the desk. They moved the chairs a bit, so they could all see even though the screen was a bit small. They managed and didn't want to ask the teacher to use to Promethean Board because she may ask why and it could cause some problems.

For the movie, they all stayed quiet. Ashton and Luke had their chairs pressed together. Because of the handcuffs, of course. No other reason. And they chuckled at some parts in the movie, went quiet at some others and smiled a bit when a sweet moment happened. Though Calum wouldn't admit it cause he's too 'manly'.

When it ended, Luke hummed to the song slightly and turned it off. They all stayed quiet for a bit, until Luke asked curiously,"Okay, so which character do you identify to Michael?"

"A - Allison," He shrugged, saying,"S - She's quiet. W-Weird. Like me."

Luke nodded slowly, turning to Ashton. Ashton rolled his eyes a bit and chuckled,"Obviously I'm Brian because he is a nerd and so am I."

"I'm like Andrew, we're both cool and popular," Calum called, grinning like an idiot just to annoy the crap out of Luke. It worked and he felt proud by this, but let out a quiet yawn that only Michael noticed. He ignored the concern look, staying with a grin.

Before Luke could say anything, Ashton grabbed his hand to keep him sitting down and asked,"What about you? Are you Claire or Bender?"

"Bender," He said after thinking about it. "I wouldn't relate to Claire very well. I'm not very rebellious or anything. I never do like, criminal things. But u-um, his dad is ... never mind. Yeah, I think I'm Claire. Ha, we can both be pretty bitchy and nice at the same time. At least, I hope I am."

"Luke," Ashton went to speak, but the blonde just grinned and helped him stand up. The grin was fake, very fake and Ashton can see that well.

Seeing the time, Luke exclaimed,"Alright, let's head home. I think next meeting will be a lot better, but this was a last minute thing. Michael, wanna walk with us?"

"I'll drive him," Calum offered, motioning to the handcuffs. "I don't think it would work too well, you guys have a lot on your hand. I talked to Maya, she's going to ask her friend for them. But, she wasn't at school today and Maya was being a little snarky in lunch."

Luke sighed and looked at Michael for approval, receiving a nod that it was okay. He smiled quickly, everyone cleaning the room up and Ashton went with Luke. Not like he had much of a choice, anyways. And they stayed quiet, nonchalantly holding their hands in the middle. Because it helps the handcuffs not hurt as much, obviously.

They had no idea how this would work. They were still locked together. How would they shower? Well they technically can't since neither could take off their shirts. Hopefully they won't smell bad, that would be embarrassing. They should rinse off, but they don't know how that can work. They'll figure it out.

When they got to Luke's, he froze a bit when realizing Ashton is with him. He hesitated, glancing at the oblivious boy who was trying to go up the steps then halted when feeling the handcuffs stop him. He looked at Luke in confusion, only to nod in understanding.

But, Luke sighed and went inside. He didn't think his dad would actually hurt him right in front of his friend. He's never done it with Michael. However, when he went in the living room and smelled alcohol he was definitely wrong. He saw his dad gulping down some beer, eyes widening when seeing his son handcuffed to a boy.

His dad scowled, rushing over and asked in disgust,"What is the meaning of this? Handcuffed...to a boy? You disgusting little faggot and your kinks! This is an - an abomination!"

Luke stumbled back when his dad slapped him across the face, Ashton gasping and quickly holding onto him. He tugged Luke away from his dad's fist, shouting,"Don't touch him!"

"Another faggot, I see! Get out, get the fuck out and don't come back till this queer isn't connected to you like a - like a leach!" His dad sneered, pushing them out and Luke winced when his dad kicked his leg slightly and he tripped a bit on his way out.

Luke breathed heavily, looking at his house and frowned,"I'm so so sorry, I didn't - I wasn't...I thought he wouldn't have hit me in front of you."

"You're apologizing?" Ashton asked in disbelief, lightly brushing his fingers across the red mark on Luke's cheek. He frowned timidly,"Luke, don't ever apologize for that. If anything, I am sorry. I should not have let you walk in knowing your dad hits you. I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry."

Luke just shook his head, going to hug him but both cringed when the handcuffs got in the way. They awkward pulled away, Ashton quickly kissing Luke's cheek and glanced away with a blush. He missed the huge grin on Luke's face and they headed to Ashton's house with their hands entwined casually.

You could say Ashton's mum handled it better. When he explained everything (leaving out the party and saying Luke was studying with him and it was a dare, which that part was true) she was angry. Very angry, but didn't call them fags or hit Ashton. She didn't give him dinner, though and insisted Luke studied with Ashton.

Ashton frowned, Lauren giving him a quick knowing look as she went into the kitchen. He led a confused Luke upstairs and to his room. Luke was kind of upset. Who doesn't give their kid dinner? Surely if they didn't have time to cook they could find something, but not letting Ashton eat as a punishment is like child abuse. Not physically or mentally, but it's still there.

When they got to his room, Ashton led Luke over to the bed and grabbed his laptop along with some books. Luke watched him with a frown, seeing Ashton open everything like a routine. Putting another pair of glasses on, going to a bookmarked website, opening his books to a certain page and started taking some test that was over a hundred questions.

He stayed quiet, letting Ashton do what he had to do. But an hour passed. Then another and another. It was now eight o'clock, Luke was hungry and trying to hide his stomach growls and was confused when Ashton didn't seem hungry at all. He was slightly worried since he was with Ashton all day and they only had lunch. Wait, actually they didn't. All they had was a bag of chips at the S.O.S club.

Suddenly the door opened, Lauren quickly placing a pale of food on the floor and rushing out. Ashton sighed in relief, tugging Luke and they grabbed the plate. He offered him some and said,"Sorry for being boring. I need to study for my test Friday, my mum can be a little over the top about studying."

"Over the top? Ashton, you've studied for almost four hours and why is your sister sneaking food in?" Luke exclaimed, seeing it was only a small piece of steak (not even enough for one person) and maybe two scoops of mash potatoes. Since Luke's parents don't cook for him, he makes his own food. But why isn't Ashton?

Ashton said if it was the most normal thing ever,"Oh, I can't eat unless I get a one hundred on this test. It's really hard, I've been trying to pass it for almost a month. But Lauren and Harry try to sneak me something. I feel bad sometimes, cause I'm not suppose to eat unless I get a good grade. But I get really hungry sometimes."

Luke nearly gaped, shaking his head slowly. He grabbed Ashton's laptop, shutting it and pushing it under the bed along with the books. Ashton watched him with wide eyes, like he was the craziest person ever and Luke pulled Ashton up and led him over to the TV Ashton had off.

He saw he had a Wii and grinned. He looked through the games and noticed Just Dance 3. Luke chuckled, putting it in as Ashton watched in confusion. When the game was turned on, Luke quickly locked the door and Ashton winced as the handcuffs rubbed against his arm.

Luke handed him a controller, smirking,"Have you ever played just dance handcuffed to someone?"

"Totally, everyday actually," Ashton said sarcastically, laughing a bit.

A look of amusement crossed Luke's face,"You're such a dork. C'mon, pick a song."

And so they played for an hour. It was the most difficult thing ever, and it hurt a little but they joked around and whenever someone knocked on the door they just laughed more and Ashton knew he would be in trouble once Luke was gone. However, he thought it was worth it.

About the shower thing, they stripped to their boxers and sat in the bath like toddlers and then dried off, rinsing their hair under the faucet with the help of the other. It was hilarious and amusing, but helped. Their shirts weren't too wet and when Ashton was tested on the test his mum makes him take. He barely got a hundred, but he was close yet his mum looked at him in disappointment.

When they went to bed, Ashton and him were chatting about the Outsiders that Luke was taking forever to finish. He laughed when Ashton was talking about it so much, rambling and joking Luke for being a slow poke.

However, as they quieted down and Ashton thought Luke was sleeping, he was frowning and seemed like the world was over. His eyes held sadness, and Luke noticed him holding onto a necklace. The same one he saw on Halloween that Ashton got upset about. He wanted to question it but also decided it wasn't the time.

Feeling Luke staring, Ashton quickly put the necklace in his side drawer. He was laid down, them facing each other and Ashton had his eyes closed. He looked different without his glasses. Not a bad different, but Luke was too drunk (tipsy) at the party to remember clearly what he looked like. Now he can see he's very beautiful with or without them.

Ashton opened his eyes, causing Luke to blush when realizing he was caught. But Ashton just scooted closer, lightly entwining their fingers and said quietly,"There's a little bruise on your cheek."

"I'm use to it."

"You shouldn't be."

"Your mum is a psycho for making you not eat."

"I'm use to it," Ashton copied him.

Luke did the same,"You shouldn't be."

Ashton just shrugged, looking at him and said honestly,"You...I think today was the best day ever. Even if we did get teased and Michael was made fun of. I - I really liked playing the Wii with you and um, just hanging out. I never had fun before. At least not a lot. But, that was really fun. And, I felt like myself with you."

"I feel the same way," Luke said simply, not knowing how to reply without looking like an idiot. He was grinning shyly, glad it was dark so the blush on his cheeks were hidden.

"I think I might actually miss being handcuffed with you," Ashton admitted.

Luke just nodded, like he was agreeing. So they made it last. At first they just laid together, but somewhere along the lines their legs were entwined and Luke had an arm around Ashton's waist and their held hands were between their faces and it was just a really fun night.

Like Ashton said, it was the best ever. And he was going to miss being with Luke. Miss knowing that Luke wasn't getting beat up from his dad at night. He liked having him in his house because he can be sure that Luke is okay. Now, after they are separated, he can't. And he was worried about how Luke's dad will react when he gets home the next day. He just knew it wasn't going to be good.


	14. Chapter 14

When Michael's parents died, he was thirteen. It was probably the worst thing that ever happened to him. Because, he was born selectively mute yet his parents were never rude to him about it. Like Luke, they were use to his quietness and knew how to talk to him and treat him. Not different from others, but with less words so he felt comfortable.

Now he's living with his aunt who's a total bitch to him. She was young, which is the problem. In her mid twenties meaning she likes partying and going out late to clubs. She brings home men (sometimes even women) and Michael doesn't like having the sounds of the bed creaking echo in his room. 

She's really not that bad of a person, honestly, but she doesn't seem to care about Michael. If anything, she treats it like he isn't even there. After his parents died, she had to let him in since there were no other family members that could let him in. His grandparents were dead or too old to care for him, being in a retirement home.

Luckily he knew her well. Since she always visited on birthdays and holidays. Speaking of, his birthday was coming up soon since Halloween wasn't too long ago. It was a shame that she knew his birthday years ago, but now she barely acknowledges it. He doesn't tell her when his birthday is. He doesn't feel comfortable with her, so he can barely speak around her. He only talks around people he likes.

Michael sighed, seeing it was time to go to school. He knew Luke was probably with Ashton, considering they were still cuffed together. He contemplated asking Calum for a ride. He remembered having his number when Luke gave it to him after they talked about the party. 

He hesitated. Because he's still mad at Calum.He doesn't like Calum very much, aside from his crush. He's attracted to him but he doesn't favor him and would stop crushing on the jerk if he had the ability to control his feelings. Sadly, life isn't that lucky and he's stuck having feelings for him.

[To: Calum ] 

Hey, um I was wondering if you could pick drive me to school? Luke's with Ashton...I don't really wanna go to school alone, it's raining too. /:

It's funny how he texts more than he talks, Michael realized and changed into his (now clean) brown hoodie and a pair of skinny jeans. He went to the bathroom and fixed up his dyed hair. He was thinking of changing the color, but he liked the black-ish dark brown color.

He shrugged, going downstairs with his bag and tugged on his pair of converse. He noticed his aunt was in the kitchen with her hair up in a messy bun and a robe on. She was sipping on some coffee and he walked over and sat down at the table while waiting for Calum to reply.

While waiting, his aunt said with a sleepy voice,"Might wanna eat something, breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

Why aren't you eating it then? He wanted to ask but just nodded. She grabbed a box of cereal and made him some breakfast. It times like these where she's actually nice. She then handed him the bowl, patted his head as if he's a toddler and left the room, probably to shower. 

Michael glanced at the food, feeling his stomach rumble from how it was pleading for food. But he poked his tummy that was still squishy despite not eating. He shook his head, grabbing the spoon and ate two or three bites like usual, then drank the milk, but threw away the actual cereal in the trash. He also tossed some scrunched up paper towels to hide it.

It was sad that he was use to doing this, but he can't eat. The boys haven't brought it up recently, so that was good and he was hoping they never will. While thinking this, he heard his phone beep and sighed when seeing it was Calum saying he was outside.

He placed his bowl in the sink and grabbed his bag then rushed outside. He put his hoodie up and got in the car, where Calum was sat wearing a sublime shirt with a black jacket and skinny jeans. He smiled at Michael, who just looked out the window and ignored the sigh Calum let out.

Honestly, Calum didn't have to drive him to school and since Michael's being rude he could drop him off at home again. But, Calum knew he deserved the silent treatment. He just wished Michael could be a little nicer. Calum did take out his splinter and apologized. But, an apology doesn't always work.

It wasn't long till he pulled into the school parking lot. Before Michael could get out, he frowned when his door was automatically locked. He turned to Calum with a confused pout, glancing at the door then Calum as if to silently ask for him to unlock it. When Calum didn't, Michael huffed and unlocked it but groaned when it was locked again.

Calum pleaded,"We need to talk."

"No," Michael said simply.

But Calum just shrugged,"Fine, I talk and you listen."

"No."

"I'm doing it anyways."

"No! Out, w-want out," Michael begged, going to unlock the door but when he did Calum just locked it again. Michael frowned, letting out a whine when he turned to glare at him,"Now, o-out now! Calum!"

"Michael c'mon, just let me talk," Calum sighed, ignoring the way his heart nearly fluttered at the way he said his name. Michael reluctantly slumped in his seat with his arms crossed. A smile formed Calum's face and he hesitantly said,"I know you're not um, you don't like talking. And I'm really not good at it myself, but I want to - to hang out with you more."

Michael looked at him in confusion, so Calum explained,"Like friends! You know? I - I think we can be friends. I've been an idiot this last month or so. And the guys are right, I'm kind of a douchebag. So, I want to fix everything. Start fresh and um, you're kind of the person I want to fix things most with. Cause, I...I care about you a lot."

Much to Calum's surprise, Michael said,"No."

"Great, so I thought we co-wait, what?" Calum's jaw dropped a bit seeing Michael sit up and he didn't even stop Michael when the guy unlocked the door and walked out. He watched Michael rush inside the school, rain pouring down and Calum was so confused.

He apologized and everything, but then Michael just rejected him. That really took him by surprise. And how he's kind of angry, why would Michael reject him? He's been nice to Michael. Sure, he did have his moments. But the majority of the time, he was there for him. 

Like when he comforted him when Luke wasn't there, how he listened when Michael told him about Daniel. He took out his splinter, drove him home and to school. He even left a party early just to be at Ashton's for Halloween. Yet Michael has the audacity to say no when Calum wants to be friends.

Whatever, Calum thought with a scowl as he got out of the car. He slammed the door shut and didn't bother putting up his hoodie as he rushed into the school. He nearly groaned when remembering he had to get the handcuffs key from Maya, because they've been avoiding each other since yesterday morning. But, Luke and Ashton needed it.

He went to Maya's locker, who was dressed in a white button up shirt that's tucked in her skinny jeans with some boots. She must have seen him coming because she turned and held out the key with a raised eyebrow. He kissed her cheek while taking the key and ignored the way she timidly grinned.

He motioned her to follow him to where the boys were,"Thanks for getting the key, I'm sure Ashton and Luke will be eternally grateful."

"That saying always reminds me of Toy Story," Maya said with a small laugh.

Calum snorted,"Well, it is your favorite movie."

They turned the corner and saw Luke and Ashton waiting by their lockers with Michael there. Of course, Calum nearly groaned because he forgot Michael shares a locker with Luke. It wasn't hard to tell Michael's avoiding him, since he practically ran away when spotting Calum.

The jock huffed, rolling his eyes and roughly shoved the key to Luke's chest,"There, take your damn key and tell your little friend that I take back what I said."

"Wait, what?" Luke said in confusion, but Calum just walked away with Maya following. She gave the two boys a sympathetic look, mumbling something about keeping the handcuffs. Which they did, cause who wouldn't? Handcuffs are cool.

But when she rushed over to where Calum was, she noticed he was chatting with the guys on the track team. Now at first it was normal, they discussed some soccer games that were on TV and Maya leaned back with Calum, his arm around her shoulder and she added some thoughts in since she plays soccer.

The conversation soon changed though. Maya raised an eyebrow when they started talking about people in the school. Now, being a girl she knew everyone gossips. It's not bad unless you make it bad. And they were definitely making it bad as they trash-talked some girls and 'nerds'.

It wasn't long till one of the guys laughed,"You know who's the worst? That Clifford guy! The one with the dark clothes who plays with the dumb stuffed animal?"

"Oh god, he's a joke," Another piped up with a smirk. "He never even talks, I don't think I've heard him speak before. Bet he'd sound like a typical gay."

Without thinking, Calum snorted in amusement,"Tell me about it, he's such a freak. He even cried when he lost the dumb toy, what a baby."

"Aw, he lost his wittle lion? What a fag," the guy replied and rolled his eyes.

Calum laughed awkwardly with them, instantly regretting what he said. While talking he didn't notice Ashton and Luke heard everything as they walked passed. Their glares obvious on their face, but it wasn't just that. They seemed disappointed in him and just left with their hands not cuffed but still entwined.

It wasn't long till the bell rang and Maya seemed oddly quiet as he walked her to class. He didn't question it though and was too busy thinking about how he joked Michael. He sighed and went to class, sitting in the back and leaned his head in the palm of his hand.

Why is he such a jerk? Calum didn't get why he made fun of people. He doesn't even mean to do it. He has a problem thinking before speaking. And if he's mad, he'll make fun of someone and he hates doing that. Because it's not fair to them or himself. He's giving himself a bad name and now he can't blame anyone else. He's a jerk and that's it. Maybe he needs to deal with it.

He doesn't want to be a jerk, though. He knows he can be a good person, he's done it before. With Michael, he's always somewhat nice and sweet when he can be. But then he's also so mean to him without meaning to be and that's where his problem is. His problem is Michael.

Okay, maybe not. But lately the guy's always on his mind. And before he met the green-eyed boy, he was always mean and rude and an asshole. Suddenly he's been realizing his actions and words. It's not like he physical hurts anyone. However, he's heard that words hurt more than fists do, because bruises can fade but the insults are always there.

It was around lunch time now, Calum was with his friends and glancing at the table where the misfits were. He nearly snorted, cause that's a perfect name for them. He shook his head in amusement, seeing Michael being a third wheel while Ashton and Luke were reading some book together. But, he then noticed Michael wasn't eating like usual and it made his heart drop slightly.

"Is that Michael?"

He nearly jumped, seeing Maya glancing at him with a questionably expression. Calum awkwardly nodded, fiddling with his fingers quietly as she stared at him. He didn't like the look on her face because it's like a look of realization. When he realized something two days ago, it ended with him saying something he shouldn't have.

Calum ran a hand through his hair, admitting quietly,"M - Maya, I'm just - I'm really...confused. I don't know what to do anymore. Why am I such an asshole? Why do I always do the wrong thing? I - I have everything anyone can want, yet I'm not even happy."

"That's normal," She pointed out.

He rolled his eyes, glancing around the cafeteria and stumbled a bit when she tugged him away. Calum followed her in confusion, nearly gasping when she slammed him against the locker. Before he could speak, she pressed her glossy lips to his and he frozen, but slowly kissed her back.

As usual, there was nothing exciting like there use to be. She pulled away breathlessly, asking,"D - Did you feeling anything?"

"Um." She raised an eyebrow expectantly and he shook his head slowly,"No, not really. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," She assured, leaning against the locker next to him. 

They stayed quiet for a bit and neither of them spoke too much. Because there wasn't much they could say. A silence is like a quiet agreement of what will or has happened. It's a contract. Saying that if neither of them speak, then no one can be hurt because it was a mutual feeling.

However, she told Calum,"You know, everyone questions their sexuality. And I mean, having my boyfriend scream some other guy's name in bed really isn't the most flattering way of realizing he's gay - bisexual? - but I can't get mad. It's not your fault, right? It's obvious you don't want to be...not straight, but you can't help it. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"Why are you being so nice about this? You should be mad, slapping me and calling me a dickhead. Saying how I'm trash for not telling you," He said curiously. Most girls wouldn't like knowing their boyfriend isn't attracted to them. He can tell she's pretty and nice, but he has nothing to feel towards her. At first he thought it was because they were forced together, now he's starting to realize it's something else.

Maya rolled her eyes,"Do you want me to slap you? And why should I get mad? I like you, you know, but it wasn't like we really had feelings towards each other. I have a small crush on you, but I'm not gonna get pissed off cause you like some guy and not me."

"I don't like Michael," He laughed slightly, shaking his head at the thought.

"Oh god, you're in denial," She face-palmed. "Be honest with me, have you ever felt any sign of attraction to him? Anything at all?"

Calum glanced down, blushing slightly,"U-Um, I kind of...got...hard when he sat on my lap? But it wasn't my fault! It was the alcohol, I swear! And he was moving in my lap a bit! It's not my fault."

"And it's not your fault you like guys. Don't deny it, embrace it," She said sternly, tapping his nose and walked away into the cafeteria.

Calum leaned against the locker, frowning as he thought about it. How he does force himself not to stare at guys as they undress in the locker room. How he gets this weird feeling whenever he thinks about Michael. How he freaking screamed a guys name in bed that's not his girlfriend's. 

This can't be true, he mentally groaned and then realized they basically had a silent break up so he's actually single. Calum stood up straight, walking into the cafeteria and saw Maya sitting with her soccer team. She gave him a knowing look and he ignored it as he went with his track team instead. He didn't look at Michael's table for the rest of lunch.

When school was over, Luke was going to head over to the club room where the others were probably waiting. He was feeling kind of lonely considering he didn't have Ashton clinging to his side from their handcuffs. But he was also happy since his teachers let him make up his work due to being unable to go to class yesterday.

But on his way there, he was suddenly tugged back and shrieked when being pulled into a closet. The lights turned on and he blushed when seeing Mitchel's green eyes staring into his. Before he could speak, the boy's lips pressed to his quickly, causing him to practically melt but he pressed Luke against the wall to prevent him from falling.

After a minute or so of kissing, Luke pulled away breathlessly and asked,"W-What's that for?"

"I dunno, you just look really, really hot today," Mitchel said with a smirk, running his hands down Luke's back and pinched his bum causing Luke to blush and jump slightly at the sudden touch. Mitchel kissed his neck lightly, down to his collar bone,"You know, I am sorry about Brent. He shouldn't have done that to your friend, I don't hang with him much. I promise I'm not like him."

"I know, I - fuck - I'm sorry," Luke gulped slowly, eyes closing without meaning to as Mitchel ran his hands under the blonde's shirt. "I shouldn't have um, assumed. You're right, but I don't - I don't know if I can like, date you. I like Ashton and - and it wouldn't really be fair to date you if I like someone else."

As soon as that was said, Mitchel pulled away from leaving small marks on Luke's neck that didn't stay too much. He frowned a bit, but nodded in understanding as he played with Luke's hair slightly,"I get it. You really are too sweet for your own good. But hey, why don't you hang out with me and my friends today?"

"Oh, I have this thing," Luke admitted, realizing he was super late.

But Mitchel mocked,"Oh, I have this thing. C'mon, we're gonna go smoke by the playground. I think you might like them, they're pretty cool people like me. It'll be fun, and you seem a little stressed. You could use a smoke."

At first Luke felt guilty as he let Mitchel lead him out of the school by the hand. Him sheepishly hiding his marked neck with his hood, but then he saw the few people waiting by the park with cigarettes in their hands. They were laughing and seemed to be having a good time.

When Mitchel introduced Luke, he felt bashful as they all wolf-whistled and carelessly checked him out. Not even ashamed to comment on how 'hot' he looked. Luke nervously took the cigarette from Mitchel and didn't cough as he smoked him. Even sitting on the guy's lap, arms wrapped around Luke's waist and he felt so welcomed as the people talked to him.

There were five people, three girls and two guys. They all looked like they wouldn't smoke and he even recognized a couple from his classes. But they didn't seem to care that he was Luke Hemmings. A loner, misfit and freak. They just thought he was cool and chill. And he happily took the compliments while smoking his cigarette and forgetting about his friends.

At the club, the three boys were pacing as they tried calling and texting him. Ashton was so confused, because he saw Luke walk to the club yet he's not here. He was worried to say the least and really not in a good mood anyways. He sat down at his usual seat, shakily texting Luke as his breath started becoming raged and he felt closed in the room.

Calum noticed his shaking form, quickly rushing over and crouching down in front of the worried boy. He assured Ashton,"Don't freak out, okay? I'm sure he's fine."

"T - Text," Michael piped up, showing them his phone that held a text from Luke that said he couldn't make it and had other plans. He didn't even seem guilty for admitting it. Michael had a frown on his lips and Calum rolled his eyes as he took the spot in Luke's seat with the box of topics.

Ashton shook his head,"No, we're not having a club meeting without him. It's not the same."

"H-He ditched us," Michael mumbled quietly, not even able to believe this. First Daniel's lost, then Luke isn't there for them when they need him.

Why would Luke ditch them? They're friends and he's not their for him. None of them ever skipped a meeting. Not even Calum when they boys hating him. He was always there, despite the way they bashed on him sometimes and Luke is the president but doesn't make it to the meeting.

Calum glanced at Michael, then looked down,"What a dickhead."

"Pft, yeah he's the dickhead," Ashton said sarcastically. "At least he's not the one insulting people even after promising he wouldn't. I can't believe I actually forgave you."

Calum's eyes widened a bit when realizing what he was meaning. He gave him a knowing look,"Please...don't."

"And to think we were friends? You're still the same jackass that made fun of me in the beginning of the year!" Ashton exclaimed, getting up in annoyance and snatching the box from Calum. He shoved it back in the supplies closet and scoffed,"I really had faith in you. I thought you were changing but nope, I was wrong for once in my life. I guess it's true, some people don't change."

A look of disbelief appeared on Calum's face and he shouted,"I'm sick of everyone hating me! I may be a jerk sometimes but unlike Luke 'Mr.Perfect' Hemmings, I'm here today ! I'm here everyday and he's ditching you for some guy who gets high every weekend! How does that make you feel, nerd? You're no better than a blunt-smoking, cigarette loving, drunk ass who probably fucked Luke at the party!

"No, h-he wouldn't do that," Ashton said, but his voice wavered slightly.

Calum clenched his fists, ignoring the concerned expression on Michael's face and he said with a sneer,"Yeah, he did.That's why he wasn't there in the beginning, it's why he's not here now. He was having sex with Mitchel at the party and probably is right now instead of hanging out with a pathetic freak like you!"

Suddenly Ashton was shoving Calum across the room, only to be roughly pushed off and Calum punched him right across the face without even thinking about it. There were slaps, punches thrown and Michael was just staring with a worried expression, not sure what to do. He doesn't know what to do. His friends were fighting, Luke wasn't there and he clenched his eyes shut hoping it would be over.

But it wasn't, and he heard a crash and he didn't want to open his eyes and he pleaded with small whimpers while covering his face with his hands,"S-Stop, stop, s-stop, s-stop, stop, stop, stop, s-stop!"

The last word was practically shouted, causing the two boys to frantically pull apart. Ashton was lying on the ground with a black eye and bloody nose while Calum only had a few small bruises. His eyes widened, realizing how harsh he was hitting the guy and he shakily pulled away from Ashton.

Calum quickly stood up, instantly regretting it when seeing Ashton shakily walking away to his bag. He stuttered out,"I - I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I really am, Ashton! I shouldn't have said that."

"No, just stop," Ashton snatched up a few tissues from the desk and wiped his nose that wasn't bleeding too bad but he probably looked terrible. "I hit you first."

"But, I riled you up and you're a lot more hurt than me," He retorted, hesitantly placing a hand on his shoulder only for it to be roughly shoved off. "Ashton, please-"

Ashton exclaimed,"Can you just leave me alone? I - I'm going home. I really should have known us being friends wouldn't work out. We're way too different, face it. This whole club thing was a bad idea. We're fighting, arguing, Luke's not even here right now and Michael's practically having a fucking heart attack. I'm just done, I quit."

With that said, Ashton tugged the bag over his shoulder and gave Michael a small pat on the shoulder before leaving and Calum had no words. He didn't know what to say. Suddenly there was something damp on his face and he saw Michael wiping the blood off his cheek with a wet tissue, probably using water from the water bottle he had.

Calum gave him a timid smile, Michael just sniffling quietly and neither spoke like usual. It's strange, the two were fighting this morning and it always seems like at the end of the day they're helping each other. He blushed a bit when Michael lightly brushed his thumb across his cheek. But, he was more worried about what Ashton said about quitting the club. 

-

Considering the handcuff situation, Luke wasn't on good terms with his dad. But when is he ever? He was beaten and bruised and all-around hurt. He was sick of covering up the pain with make up but having to deal with it on the inside. He was just sick of his dad.

But he can't do anything about it. Only a few more months, he thought to himself as he clean up his injuries. His mum didn't care when his dad hit him. All she did was watch, a blank face on and sipping the beer she was probably splitting with his father and honestly, he just wanted his brothers back.

He sighed, grabbing the money Mitchel lent him earlier for cigarettes. He was going to get dinner with it though and just took a cigarette and lighter from the packet Mitchel gave him. Mitchel also gave him the lighter, saying he had plenty of them at home and didn't need it.

Luke sneaked downstairs, wincing at the pain in his back and saw his parents were probably in the kitchen. He quietly rushed out the door, lightly shutting it behind and headed on his way to the store. His head was down, cupping his hand around the cigarette in his mouth as he lit it then stuffed the lighter in his pocket.

After taking a drag, he felt a little better and smoked on the way to the store. Honestly, he felt bad about abandoning his friends but surely they handled the club fine without him. He's useless anyways. They were probably better off without him, he thought to himself as he walked to the store.

When he got there, he finished off the cigarette while leaning against the wall then tossed it on the ground and stomped on it to burn it out. In the store, he just got some chips and a can of Ravioli's (the spaghetti, because that's the best) and thanked the man, saying to have a good night after paying.

On his way home, he winced at the pain in his leg. His dad pushed him up (yes, up) the stair when he got him and he hit his knee on the steps. Luckily it wasn't too bad, just a small bruise but it did hurt. Sometimes he wanted to go to a foster home instead of dealing with his parents, but he knew they could be worse.

Suddenly he froze in his step, glancing across the street and saw a familiar figure at the graveyard. He hesitated, looking down the road before rushing across and spotting Ashton sitting in front of a tombstone and speaking quietly to it. He was holding onto something and Luke noticed his eye was bruised which made his blood boil, wondering who hit him. 

He contemplated just going home and not talking to Ashton. Acting like he never saw him. But he was intrigued, wondering also who died. Plus, he saw Ashton's shoulders shake with silent sobs and didn't want to leave him alone to cry by himself at nine o'clock at night.

So, he walked over slowly, pushing the gate to enter the graveyard and stood a few feet away to let Ashton feel his presence however not see him. Ashton saw the shadow hovering over him, and he for some reason recognized Luke's scent but also a hint of smoke. He didn't bother asking about it. He didn't care.

"Hi," Luke said quietly, to not ruin the peacefully sad silence.

Ashton glanced up, eyes damp with tears and just nodded at him. Luke wasn't insulted by the lack of words. He simply sat next to Ashton and saw the name 'Bradley James Brooks' written on the grave and some words he didn't bother reading cause the name was all that's important.

Luke asked,"Who was he? A cousin?"

"Boyfriend."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

Ashton just shrugged, lightly tracing the name on the tombstone,"Wasn't your fault."

Luke nodded. He felt a pang of jealousy in his chest knowing the guy must have been important to Ashton. But it wasn't right to be jealous over him, considering he's gone. He actually felt bad, cause Ashton was crying over him and he looked so upset. Bradley obviously was his first love.

"How did he...you know," Luke then added, seeing the tears well in Ashton's eyes,"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

At first Ashton didn't say anything. The memories were painful and the day was terrible. He didn't want to think back to it, because it just made him upset all over again. That's why he moved. Because Bradley died and he didn't want to think about him, but it was hard not o.

He swallowed a lump in his throat, admitting shakily,"S - Suicide. He - He hung himself...he was so sad. I didn't even know he was cause he was so happy. He looked happy, at least. But, he wasn't and he had an eating disorder. I knew that, though. That's why I knew so much about it. It was cause of research. "

"But I did all the research for Bradley, not cause I was bored. I wanted to help and I obviously didn't. Cause he - he still did it. He still killed himself two years ago today. We were only fifteen and I didn't really expect him to be that sad enough to do it," Ashton clenched something in his hand, and Luke saw it was the necklace he found on Halloween. "He gave this to me for our three month anniversary. We dated for a year, since we were fourteen. It seems so young, but I knew I loved him. I still do sometimes."

"I - I don't know what to say," Luke admitted, seeing Ashton wipe his tears that were falling. He was kind of upset to hear Ashton still loved him. But maybe it was the longing love. The old love that didn't mean as much as being in love with someone, rather in love with the old relationship.

Ashton chuckled sadly,"Neither did I."

"What'd he look like?" Luke was curious, wanting Ashton to be happy. Not sad and crying.

A smile formed Ashton's lips,"Well, he was definitely cute in my opinion. I feel weird thinking about it now, cause we were fifteen and now I'm almost eighteen and it seems wrong. But he had these dark blue eyes, tan skin and we always use to go to the beach together. He would try to teach me to surf, it was funny since I always fell. But he had dark brown hair and it was all swooshy and like those skater boys."

"oh god, you were that type of guy?" Luke laughed, seeing the picture Ashton showed him on his phone of Bradley. He shook his head in amusement, thinking about Ashton dating a skater. The guy did seem like the surfing, skateboard type with his clothing choices and necklace.

A blush covered his cheeks,"No, he really wasn't into skateboarding. He was kind of a dork, like me. He had braces and we actually always bonded over comic books. We were such a stupid couple, but I loved it. I...I really miss him. I always try getting over it, but it's not really working."

Luke just wrapped an arm around Ashton's shoulder, hesitantly kissing his head softly,"You will one day."

For a while they sat together, neither saying anything and then it was getting late. Luke walked Ashton home, holding his hand for comfort of course. He knew making a move on Ashton wouldn't be right. Especially not now. And to be honest, Ashton was still upset over Luke ditching them. But he wasn't in the mood to talk about it.

He felt is heart ache and when they got to Ashton's house, everyone was sleeping and he quietly sneaked Luke in his room because he wanted to. They sat on the bed, Luke glancing at the bruise on Ashton's eye and wanted to ask about it. He didn't like someone hitting him.

So he did,"Who hit you?"

"Calum," Ashton said quietly. 

Luke's mouth dropped open and he asked in disbelief,"Are you fucking kidding me?! Why the hell- what happened?"

"Nothing, I - I don't want to talk about it," Ashton grumbled, picking at the cuts on his wrists. He sniffled quietly, burying his face in Luke's shoulder.

But Luke sat up, going over to Ashton's desk and grabbed a market from the drawer. He smiled sadly, seeing Ashton silently crying and it really wasn't a good day. However, he knew it could be better if Ashton didn't relapse. So he drew a butterfly on Ashton's wrist with the name Bradley and another with the name Luke.

Surely Bradley is dead so it beats the purpose. However, Ashton's lip turned up into a small smile and Luke kissed his cheek softly and pulled him into a hug. So, in the end the day was terrible and probably the worst ever. Ashton quit the club and Luke still doesn't know that or anything that happened.

However, Luke did know who gave Ashton the necklace and he knew about Ashton's ex-boyfriend. So, he was able to help Ashton more. He assumed that was part of the reason he hurts himself. Probably feeling lost without his boyfriend and not having someone to be there for him.

Now he has Luke, though. And Luke was getting in the wrong crowd, abandoning his friends but he was going to be there for Ashton. Just like Ashton was there for Luke with his dad. After Luke left, Ashton laid in bed and he clenched his necklace and he glanced at the butterflies and he felt better despite the bruise on his eye along with the ache in his heart.


	15. Chapter 15

When Luke woke up, his mind was instantly drifted to Ashton as he got ready for school. He couldn't get the small story out of his mind. How that necklace was from an old lover. He's seen Ashton wear it before and now he knew it was from a boy who stole his crushes heart.

Honestly, he shouldn't be mad. Ashton isn't even his boyfriend, they're not together so he shouldn't worry too much about it considering he can date who he wants. Not to mention, Bradley is dead and there's no competition now. He should probably make his move before it's too late. 

Luke sent Michael a quick text, asking if they can walk together. He felt bad about abandoning the boys. Luckily Michael texts quickly and Luke frowned when all he got was a 'yeah' and nothing else. It was so blunt. Sure, Michael talks like that but he always texts a lot.

He glanced at the time, knowing Michael should be downstairs in a few minutes. He's a quick walker, so Luke quiffed his hair up and tugged on a black jacket. He hesitantly stuffed his cigarettes in his backpack along with 'The Outsiders' which he was almost finished with.

Luke isn't very quick when it comes to reading, he didn't even want to read the book in the first place. But, it's Ashton's favorite book and it says a lot about him. It shows that he just wants to have a nice bond with people like the characters did and Luke has to agree with him. It's nice to have people to rely on. 

Suddenly his dad was calling him down and he knew Michael must be there now. He rushed downstairs, wincing when he dad shoved him outside. He stumbled, only for Michael to quickly grip onto him with a timid smile. Luke grinned, just mumbling a quick 'thanks' and they walked in silence like usual.

Except, this time it was different. It wasn't a comforting silence, they didn't hold hands and things were changing. Michael wasn't clinging on to him and it made Luke frown. Because this isn't right. He didn't want to lose Michael, but he didn't want to force him to be scared all the time.

He glanced at Michael, seeing how the boy was looking down and had his hands stuffed in his hoodie's pocket. Luke felt slightly hurt, not understanding what he did wrong. He understood if Michael was mad about the 'ditching' club thing but even then Michael would still talk to him.

Finally, he sighed and grabbed onto Michael's arm,"What's wrong?"

Michael shrugged.

Luke raised an eyebrow,"No, don't you dare go silent on me. I know you can talk around me, you use to do it all the time. What did I do wrong?"

"N-Not there," Michael mumbled, fidgeting with his fingers inside his hoodie's pocket. Luke seemed confused, so Michael took a breath and forced out his words considering he has barely spoken in the last few days,"D-Didn't go to club. So muc-much fighting. Left me, w-where were you?"

A frown formed on Luke's face and he gulped slowly, unsure of what to say. He couldn't tell Michael he was smoking in the park with a new group of friends. That would freak Michael out. He knew his friend could be overprotective just like he's the same way to Michael.

So, he sighed,"I dunno, Mikey. I - I just met up with some new friends,okay? Please don't be mad. The club is suppose to make you new friends anyways, I made some and you should too. Which you are, so now you got to be closer with the guys and I guess that's good."

Michael surprisingly glared,"That doesn't mean you ditch y-your old friends for your new ones." With that said, Michael snatched his arm away and walked ahead of Luke. He turned the street corner and Luke watched him with a guilty expression on his face.

Because, it was then that he realized he has been abandoning his best friend. The one who has been there since the beginning. The one he made the club for in the first place. All Michael wants is Luke, yet Luke was forcing him to make new friends. When really, Michael's barely made any and Luke was the one becoming popular in his new group.

He felt stressed slightly, shakily taking out a cigarette from his bag and lit it. He took a drag, leaning against the fence of some neighbor of his. No one spared him a glance as they drove by, Luke sometimes looks older than his is so they most likely thought he was legal to smoke or didn't care.

He really isn't addicted to it. Luke doesn't have an addictive personality and he's only had a couple, but he likes smoking and does it to relax. He should stop, he knew that. But, he doesn't want to. He knew he could if he wanted, but why stop when it's helping you?

After finishing half, he carelessly tossed it on the ground and winced at the pain in his side from where his dad hit him last night. He should talk to Michael. But right now he needed to 'talk' to Calum about the little fight with Ashton. Because seeing Ashton with that bruise wasn't nice at all.

As soon as he got to school, the bell was already ringing and he wasn't caring at all. He can miss his first class because he is much more worried about trying to find Calum. First, he went to his first bell and looked through the window on the door (considering they had the same first class) and noticed he wasn't there.

He groaned, however he noticed Calum's girlfriend was leaving from the office. Luke hesitated, not really liking her all too much but knew he had to give Calum a stern talking to. So he reluctantly went over to the girl who was taking a drink from the water fountain.

"Hey, where's Calum?" Luke asked without even bothering to say hi. He was too angry to care and she wasn't worth his time.

Maya wiped her mouth, looking at him with a raised eyebrow,"Why would I know?"

"Well, you're his girlfriend," He snorted, wondering why he's even doing this. Oh, right for Ashton. The person he has a crush on and was recently hurt by his annoying frenemy.

She chuckled and retorted,"We actually broke up. But I don't know, if he's not in class then he usually goes to the roof? Sometimes he likes going there to think. He seemed upset this morning. I gotta go, but if he's not there then maybe try the boys locker room."

With that she waved goodbye, walking off and he was confused. Mainly as to why everyone seems to have a hiding place in the school. But then he remembered her words and let them process in his mind.

For some reason, an unsettling feeling was in his stomach. He didn't know why but he didn't care. All he knew was that Calum was somewhere around the school and he wasn't in class. He rushed down the hall, trying to find the door to the roof and needed to get to Calum.

He glanced around to find it, finally relieved when noticing one with the word exit on it. He was hoping cameras wouldn't see him as he opened the door and noticed it was to the roof. Relief was written on his face and he quickly went up the steps in hopes that Calum was there.

When he reached the door, he halted in hesitation and pushed away all his anger. He opened the door, heart dropping when seeing Calum standing on the ledge, arms around himself as he just stared down. Luke's eyes widened, realizing the look on Calum's face. The one that was exhaustion and that wasn't good.

It was only a two story building, but it's possible to die if you wanted to.

Luke tried taking a breath, clenching his eyes shut to calm down so he didn't do anything stupid. He nervously walked closer, saying quietly,"Calum, are you okay?"

"N-No," Calum admitted, wiping his eyes as then wrapped his arms around himself again. "I'm so fucked up. What's wrong with me? Why am I such a jerk? I-I keep hurting people. I don't want to, but I do and I'm just so fucking stupid. I'm messed up, s-something's wrong with me."

A frown formed on Luke's lips, seeing Calum glance up to stop the tears. He went to step closer but stopped when noticing Calum inching towards the edge. He quickly went back, not knowing what to say. Because Calum is rude and mean. But, he also knows this so he's not a jerk.

Realizing this, Luke assured shakily,"It's okay, Calum. We'll figure something out, I'm...I'm your friend. I can help you. You're just use to being like this. It's not your fault. You're a good person, you just like the attention and the way it makes you feel, right? We'll find another way to make you have that feeling."

Calum scoffed a bit. He ignored what Luke said, chuckling sadly,"I hurt him. I actually hurt Ashton. I punched him, I gave him a black eye. I'm such a bad person. He may have started it, bu-but I made him mad. I talked without thinking. I made him think - it doesn't even matter. I said horrible shit to him! I bullied him for so long, I always made fun of him. I - I made him hurt himself, Luke!"

"That's the past now, Calum don't you dare freaking jump," Luke pleaded, heart pounding in his chest. He exclaimed,"It's okay, we'll help you! Ashton - Ashton's okay, he'll forgive you. I know he will. It'll get better, I know that doesn't fix everything but it's a start. We'll get through this, I'll help you. Please don't."

A small sob left Calum's lips, Luke gasped as he went to step off the edge. Calum slipped slightly, his heart nearly stopping. Everything suddenly flashed through his mind as the edge of the roof crumbled slightly under his feet and he clenched his eyes shut as a gust of wind was felt.

But, Luke quickly stepped up and was frantically grabbing onto him. He gripped on Calum's jacket, tugging him back on the roof. The two fell back on the roof and Calum clung onto his shirt as he cried silently. Luke letting out a relieved breath as he held him close, feeling Calum bury his face in his neck.

Luke never felt that scared in his entire life. It was like watching a movie for the first time and not expecting what to happen or how it will end. He nearly jumped off a roof, Luke realized as he gripped on to Calum. Never had he expect for that to happen, for Calum to even think about suicide.

Yet here the two were, Calum holding on to Luke as if he was the one keeping him safe. Luke was whispering 'it's okay, you're okay' on repeat. And Luke was everyone's lifeline. He was the one holding the four together and Calum needed him even if he didn't want to admit it. Just like Luke needed him as well, he just didn't know it yet.

Calum whimpered quietly, his breath fanning Luke's neck, "I-I'm a good person, Luke. I - I promise I am."

And it was just then that Luke understood Calum didn't want the popularity or to be cool. He just wanted to have friends. He relied on people, so he accepted the popularity as long as he got a group of people who he thought would help him. But all they did was turn him into a jerk.

"I know," Luke whispered, blinking his eyes profusely to stop himself from crying. 

"I - I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry," Calum blubbered out, sniffling quietly as Luke just tightened his grip on the boy. "I don't want to b-be like this, I don't. I - I just wanna be happy. But I'm not. I'm mean and rude and cruel and so stupid. I'm just so fucking dumb and weird, Luke."

Luke's heart broke slightly. A month ago he wouldn't have expected to be holding on to Calum and comforting him after the boy tried to kill himself. Now he is and he wasn't sure what to say. He sighed, rubbing his back then leaned away and he told Calum the only words he had.

"Everyone has flaws. You me, Michael and Ashton - we’re all just a club of misfits, Calum."

-

You could say that everything was fixed and they made up. But that would be a lie. There was still some tension when Luke walked Calum home. He knew Calum wasn't dumb enough to try again. Besides, his mum was home and Luke lied saying Calum threw up and found him.

But, Calum did thank him and gave Luke a small smile that was most likely forced. It didn't matter to Luke because it was still a smile and he felt relieved to know Calum's mum would be taking care of him. Despite Calum not being sick, he did need a little attention that wouldn't make him out to be a bully.

Luke wasn't too happy, though. He was relieved but not happy. It was because he felt on the edge now. Seeing someone he cared about almost kill themselves made him antsy and stressed. He didn't have his cigarettes and remembered putting his bag in his locker when he helped Calum to his.

Now he was pacing slightly, not ready to go to class. He was still scared, worried that Calum may do something even if he was with his mum. He could always drown himself in the bathtub or hang himself in the middle of the night like Ashton's ex-boyfriend did.

The mental image had Luke panic more, biting his nail nervously outside the school and was hoping time would go by. Because he can't go home. His mum is there and she's probably drunk off her mind. His dad may even be home and he didn't want to get beat up. He was also so worried about Calum because Calum made him promise not to tell anyone about his episode.

Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder, making Luke jumped and sigh in relief seeing it was only Mitchel. The guy looked at Luke in confusion,"Are you alright, you look a little tense?"

"J-Just some friend, they had a bad day and I guess it just brought me down," He admitted, not fully lying. He then noticed Mitchel's friends sitting against the brick wall and making a blunt- oh. He shifted awkwardly and said,"I should get back to class, wouldn't want to get caught skipping."

Mitchel laughed slightly and tugged Luke towards the group of friends, wrapping an arm around his shoulder,"C'mon babe, I'm not letting you get even more stressed. You don't deserve to be stressed, you should be happy! So, why not take a drag and let loose? Don't worry, I'll make sure you're not too high."

Maybe Luke should have said no, but he wasn't having a good day. Plus, his friends were looking at him with convincing smiles and they all looked so happy. Like they were chilled out and not having any problems. He wanted to be like that, to not feel so stressed.

So, he took a drag of the joint and his problems disappeared.

Meanwhile, Ashton was in lunch with Michael and they were confused on where everyone was. Both their 'friends' disappeared and they were left alone. It was awkward to say the least. Though they have gotten along, both were having problems with their friends and weren't happy.

Neither of them spoke to each other and Ashton just read quietly while Michael stared at the table. He sneaked an earbud in his ear, because the school doesn't like students having headphones. He didn't get why Luke was being such a jerk, once again ditching them and Ashton was feeling the same way.

They were use to Calum not always being there, but now Luke's seat was empty and so was a part of each of their hearts. The parts that Luke filled and they just needed him. They needed Luke's leadership skills, his dimple-y smile and his sweet personality that made them so happy.

Now Ashton had a black eye which he covered with make up along with a broken heart. For the rest of the day, he noticed Luke wasn't in any classes and neither was Calum. But when he texted Calum, he did get a response saying he was sick and couldn't make it. 

He was happy that Michael was there, at least. Even if they didn't talk, they had this silent and mutual agreement that now they can't rely on either of the boys. Because Ashton and Michael are never missing. They are always there and always on time, but the others aren't and maybe Ashton was happy he quit the dumb club that just made him sad.

But there were some good times. Like when Calum and him talked, how the club made them become friends for at least a day. How they chatted in the library and Ashton understood him more. Even if he did cut after that, he was still happy for a while. For a longer time than usual, actually. He even went a week without cutting at first.

Then there's the time he helped Luke study for spanish. How he got to know him and they were so close after that. The way Luke was so happy he passed the test. His pretty blue eyes lighting up like fireworks and the way they hugged.

Not to mention, Michael was there for him. He helped Ashton out of his panic attack. So some good things did come from the club. He learned that even a jock as popular as Calum has problems. But, th negatives were more to Ashton and he wasn't happy with getting mixed signals from his so-called friend, Calum.

It's lik one day they're friends then the next their enemies. He couldn't deal with it anymore. He should focus on school anyways. Crushing on Luke is bad enough, but having a frenemy sucks and he couldn't handle it. He just couldn't handle the ups and downs of the S.O.S club.

As Ashton walked outside the school, his eyes instantly spotted a familiar blonde that tried sneakily moving from the side of the school. Ashton nearly scoffed, waiting for the school to clear slightly before he walked towards where Luke was rushing off. He caught up to him, trailing behind quietly.

But a strange scent was smelt. He gasped, gripping Luke's bag and Luke shrieked slightly when his chest slammed against Ashton's. Before he could speak, Ashton hesitantly sniffed him, gaining a creeped out expression from Luke. However, the smell of weed made Ashton gape at him.

He roughly shoved Luke and exclaimed,"Oh, so instead of going to school, you decided to ditch and get high?!"

"That's none of your business Ashton, I don't need to tell you where I'm at or who I hang out with," Luke grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets and he was still slightly high but not too much. 

Ashton rolled his eyes and crossed his arms,"I care about you, which automatically makes it my business. What the hell went through your mind to think that smoking weed on school property is okay?! You could get caught, expelled, arrested - Luke, you could fucking get arrested!"

"Calm down, jeez Louise! You're worse than my dad, I'd rather get beat up then yelled at," Luke huffed, stomping down his street again and away from Ashton.

Of course, Ashton just followed and tried getting him to pay attention,"I just don't want to see you do something stupid, you mean a lot to me! And yet here you are walking away from me. You're not even listening are you? Wow, is this how you're gonna handle your problems? By smoking weed and walking away?"

"At least I'm not cutting myself, hypocrite," Luke snapped, his pupils dialated from the weed. He instantly regretted saying that when noticing Ashton's reaction. He couldn't even apologize. His voice wouldn't work.

Ashton halted, a lump forming in his throat as Luke just stared at him. He nodded slowly, chewing on his bottom lip to hold back the tears that were forming. Because it's true. That's not how he should handle his pain and his problems, he's being a hypocrite and Luke's right. He always is.

But sometimes being right isn't the best thing in the world. Because Ashton shrugged,"Fine, you know what, if you're not going to let me help then whatever. Apparently I'm just making things worse. I hope you get better, but I'm not sticking around to find out. I'm obviously not wanted."

"Ashton, please - I'm sorry," Luke said, wishing he could take it back.

"No, you'e right. You know what, I should - I should just go," Ashton stopped in his step, glancing at Luke with tears falling. He gave Luke a timid smile,"Just so you know, I quit the club after me and Calum fought. I figured it would help since I'm causing so many problems now and days. So, I'll see you around I guess."

Before Luke could talk, Ashton walked away with his head hung low. Luke watched him, another person he cared about, walking out of his life. He rubbed his teary eyes, angrily walking home and was so glad his parents weren't home because he slammed his door shut, punching his wall in frustration and winced as he shook his sore hand, knuckles bleeding slightly already.

He slumped down to the floor, sobbing into his knees. Because Ashton's wrong. He's not causing problems. Neither is Calum or Michael. It's Luke. He's the one that started the problems. By being rude to Calum, by making them go to the party and then ditching the club which led to Calum and Ashton fighting.

It was his fault.

He was trying to fix everything. To make new friends, have fun and make everyone happy. All he did was make everyone more depressed. They may not have been happy before, but at least Calum wasn't trying to kill himself and Michael had Luke, Ashton was content but now everything is going wrong.

Luke gripped his hair in frustration, chest heaving as he cried loudly into his knees. He gasped in between sobs, wishing he could just go back to before. When he wasn't crushing on Ashton, when Mitchel wasn't in his life. He didn't want this, the club wasn't suppose to be causing problems, it was meant to fix them. 

But nothing was going right.

Luke was sobbing in the corner of his room wishing he could disappear. Ashton was slowly killing his butterflies that Luke created with his only friend made of metal. Calum was lying in his bed unable to sleep and curled in a ball, wanting to go back on the roof. And Michael was sat against the bathroom wall as the shower water poured on him after throwing up the food his aunt made him eat. 

They were all just sad and needed each other, but no one wanted to make the first move.


	16. Chapter 16

He leaned against the wall his bed was against. His knees to his chest, arms around them with tears in his eyes. His eyes were blank as he stared at the wall. His stomach hurt for some reason, maybe it was the adrenaline from Yesterday. He was just so empty. He was lost and didn't know who he was or what he was doing anymore. 

Calum blinked, hearing Maya sigh from where she sat on his desk chair. He told her everything. From the way he tried to kill himself, to how Luke saved him. About his insomnia and it was weird, because the boys only know cause of Ashton and it was the first time he told someone about it. Also, the first time he admitted to his weird feelings towards Michael.

He never cries. Calum likes to think he's a strong character. A strong person that is able to laugh off his feelings and smirk to hide his smile. But, ever since he joined the S.O.S club, he's felt the urge to cry. To let out his emotions and tell someone the truth and now he has.

It wasn't right, though. Even if he cares about Maya, he knew she wasn't the person he should talk to. The only person who truly understands him was the boys. Because they all were there for each other. Even if they all had fights and argued, if someone needed the other, they were there.

When Ashton had an anxiety attack, Michael helped. When Luke complained about Calum, Ashton stood up for him. When Ashton cut himself, Luke was there to place butterflies on them. When Michael lost Daniel, when he threw up and missed Luke, Calum was there to comfort him. When Luke's dad hit him, Ashton and Michael were always there. And lastly, when Calum almost tried to kill himself, Luke pulled him back and he hugged him.

The funny thing is, most of the times, it was the least likely person to save the other. Michael has never spoken to Ashton before then, yet he went right to Ashton and he stayed there with him till he was better. And even though Calum was always a bitch to Ashton, the boy stood up for him. Despite Luke and Calum hating each other, Luke stayed on that roof and he held him as he broke down.

To think out of all the boys, Calum was the one stepping on the edge of that roof. He was the one holding so much back, that it all hit him at once and he couldn't handle it. Because he never opened up to anyone and he never cried. So, when it happened, it was too much and he was overwhelmed to the point that he almost jumped.

If Luke never showed up, there would be a funeral with Calum's body probably buried next to Ashton's ex-boyfriends and it's strange. Because Ashton would have two people to mourn over, Michael would have three, and Luke would have his first ever heartbreak of losing a person he thought he didn't care about. 

Calum clenched his teary eyes shut, explaining to Maya in a mono-toned voice,"I just want to smile. A real smile. I never thought I was sad, but...I was never really happy either. I thought I was, but I'm not and I don't think I ever will be. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up."

"Calum," Maya said with a stunned expression, trying to take it all in.

She's never seen him so beat up about himself. He's always confident, what happened to confident Calum? This isn't him, but maybe that wasn't him either. It wasn't the true Calum, it was a person he became to feel accepted. To feel like he belonged somewhere.

She got up, walking over to his bed and saw school started in twenty minutes. At first she didn't think him going to school was a good idea, however maybe he needs to go. She knew those three boys he talks to were making him realize he was a douchebag. Maybe they can make him smile his true smile.

So, she grabbed his hand and tugged him up, saying with a sympathetic smile,"Life sucks, okay? I know right now you feel like you can never be happy again. But, do you not see the look on your face when you stare at Michael or talk about him? It's really the most admirable expression ever."

"I - I don't...I don't like guys, Maya," he tried saying, but even he could hear the hesitation in his voice. He fidgeted with his pajamas.

She shook her head, patting his shoulder,"Babe, c'mon. I freaking had sex with you, I think I would know if the guy I use to date liked guys. I was always skeptical." He blushed and she nudged him,"Don't get all flustered with me! If you want to be happy, you need to accept yourself."

He frowned, running a hand through his messy hair as she went to his closet and grabbed some clothes. He asked in confusion,"I don't get it, why am I not homophobic? I don't want to like guys. Yet, I - I don't want to be gay? Am I homophobic? Fuck, I don't want to be that type of person! I don't understand."

"It's just being in denial, don't worry. You're not against gays, so therefor you're not homophobic," She explained, tossing him a Green Day shirt and some skinny jeans. He changed and she told him while getting the brush from his bathroom,"Now, your little club or whatever -- you're still in it, right?"

"I don't know what's going on. Ashton quit after we got into that fight, not to mention pretty much everyone is arguing now. It's basically done I guess," He said with guilt, motioning to small bruises on his arm. It was terrible considering he did much worse to Ashton. He saw him in the morning, noticing the black eye and that's really what triggered him to go to the roof.

Maya furrowed her eyebrows, tossing him his brush and said,"So the club is in a rut?" He nodded sadly. "Well you know what? You go and you make the first move. Prove to them that you're changing now. Wait, you're not changing anymore -- you're accepting yourself. Show them that."

He nodded hesitantly, giving her a small smile and it was times like these that made him realize how he could stand dating her for so long. If he had to choose a beard, he's glad it was her. After changing and fixing his hair, he and Maya rushed downstairs and no one was home, so they went to his car and drove to school.

On the way there, Maya was watching Calum with a worried expression. No, he didn't tell her everything. He knew if he did, the boys would hate him. So he didn't tell her about Luke's bruises (still not knowing who did them) and he didn't tell her about Ashton cutting and Michael being anorexic. All he told her was how he teased Ashton a lot, how Michael stunned him to silence with his wise words and Luke was always there for him.

It made him realize that they were there for him more than his team was. That he knew more about the three boys in a little over a month yet he knew nothing about his supposed friends like Garrett. It was a sad twist of fate, but he was more accepting now. He wants to try to make his life better, so he was open to the idea of being honest to them during the club meetings.

However, none of this will happen if he doesn't talk to Ashton. Because they can't be a club if one of the members quits and Ashton is the brains. He's the person who's not afraid to speak up and tell Calum he's being a jerk. Which sometimes hurts him, but he needs to hear it because it's always true.

By the time he got to school, class already had to start and he groaned because that means he needs to wait till lunch time and maybe he can talk to the others as well. Maya patted his back as they entered the school, wishing him luck and Calum reluctantly went to class.

Sadly, it was class with Luke who gave him a forced smile. Even if Luke saved his life, they were still a little hesitant around each other. But, Calum smiled back and it was a small one. But it was real and not a cocky smile or an annoying smirk, it was a true smile.

They never talked to each other and were more just giving each other secret glances throughout class. However, Calum knew it wasn't a rude glance. It was more of a curious one, to where Luke just wanted to make sure he was okay and that meant a lot to him.

No one really cared if Calum was okay. One time he even fell in gym from exhaustion (Not passed out, just blacked out more likely) and his friends just laughed and joked it off. It hurt his feelings, as girly as that sounds. Because they were his friends yet didn't give a shit about him.

Now he knew the boys were right. His team just used him to joke with, but Michael, Ashton and Luke truly tried to get to know him but he pushed them away. He wants to make things right. To turn a new leaf and start fresh. And that's why he's going to start with the one person who truly changed his mindset on life. Who stood up for him and who's opinion strangely meant the most to him.

Lunch rolled around, Calum nervously looked around the cafeteria and was confused when seeing Michael sitting alone at one table and Luke sitting with some guys. One of them was Mitch and Calum clenched his jaw, seeing Mitch was obviously flirting with Luke. No, Calum's definitely not jealous, he just hates Mitch. Because ever since he started hanging with Luke, the blonde has been so careless and acting weird. He was just worried.

Calum shook his head, deciding to deal with that later and find Ashton. It wasn't hard to tell where he was. Pretty much each of them had their own 'places' they liked to hang out or hide in. Ashton's was the library, he was most likely reading some dumb book and trying to escape real life.

And Calum was right, because there he was in the corner of the library sneakily eating a brownie and nose stuck in his dumb romance novel. Calum shook his head a bit, walking over nervously as he chewed on his bottom lip. He reached the glasses-wearing boy and tapped his shoulder.

Ashton peaked up from behind his glasses, rolling his eyes and said quietly,"If you're going to yell at me too, then just leave. I quit, I'm not coming back. You can celebrate now."

"You need to come back," Calum retorted, keeping his voice low considering they were in a library.

A look of disbelief crossed Ashton's face but he kept his eyes on his book and shrugged,"I'm not wanted there, I'm not really wanted anywhere. So why should I? Michael doesn't talk to me -"

"He barely talks to anyone."

"Luke pretty much called me a emo-cutting freak and snapped at me for trying to help you," Ashton continued, gripping onto some weird necklace hanging around his neck. It was a really nice one, though and he never saw it before.

Ashton continued,"And - And you never seem to like me. I know I can be a smart-ass and I should try to be nicer with my words, but let's face it, being nice doesn't always work and if I get snapped at for speaking my mind then I don't want to join the stupid club. It was suppose to help me stop - you know - but it just made me do it more."

Calum's heart dropped, glancing at Ashton's wrist that was covered with a hoodie sleeve. He glanced around, grabbing Ashton's arm and dragged him behind some book shelves. Ashton tried pulling away but winced when Calum's hand tightened around his cuts.

He pleaded with a small whimper,"L-Let go, it hurts!"

"I'm sorry!" Calum whispered hastily, tugging up Ashton's sleeve and quickly looked away. They were so deep and only some were bandaged. Probably because Ashton most likely ran out. He bit his bottom lip to hold back words that wouldn't be smart to say.

Ashton snatched his arm away, wrapping them around himself and looked down. He felt tears well up in his eyes. He spent a while not cutting and then he just relapsed for something as dumb as the truth.He is a hypocrite sometimes.

But it's only because he doesn't want people making the same mistakes he makes. Being addicted to weed and smoking is just as bad as cutting, some may say one is worse than the other. But both can risk death and both are addicting.

After a few seconds of silence, Calum asked as he leaned against the bookshelf with Ashton,"Why did you do it?"

"Let's just say, Luke and I got in a rather huge fight. I shouldn't say this, but he already hates me. He was high. We were both indignant towards one another and I guess I wanted a reason to, you know," Ashton didn't like using the word cut or cutting. It sounded like he was a vegetable and he's not, he's human and none of the words describing his actions and addiction felt right.

Calum mumbled,"Fuck, this is my fault."

"What? How could you possibly be at fault? You weren't there," Ashton snorted, rolling his eyes and pushed up his glasses slightly as they slipped a bit.

At first Calum didn't say anything, he felt embarrassed. And he didn't want anyone to know. But he caused Ashton and Luke to fight, and that fight made Ashton hurt himself. So, technically he made Ashton cut once again and he wanted everything to be better.

He took a breath, licking his lips nervously and admitted in a hushed and reluctant voice,"I was just really sad yesterday, and - and I guess everything kind of felt overwhelming. I started realizing how big of a douche I am and...I tried to - I was on the roof and I just. I was so mad at myself, Ashton. For hurting you and hurting Luke and fuck, I can't believe I hurt Michael."

As he spoke, Ashton felt his eyes widen and he shook his head slowly as he breathed out,"You didn't..."

"I didn't," Calum nodded, but he shrugged. "I almost did, though. Except, Luke found me and I wanted to jump. I still do, a lot and I know it won't fix everything. But I wanted to and he stopped me. He looked just as scared as I did. He pretty much fucking saved my life. No, he did. And I guess he was shaken up too cause when he left he looked like he wanted to jump off just as much as I did."

Ashton reminded,"Just cause he was shaken up didn't mean he needed to say what he did."

"Okay, okay. I'm not gonna ask what happened, it's none of my business. I won't ask what he said, but know that I'm sorry for everything I did to you and everything that happened. And considering he's getting into the way I use to be, I know he must be too. You don't need to forgive him right away, but please just - come back to the club, we need you. You're a misfit just like us," Calum pleaded, never being one to beg but Ashton was a part of their club and they need him.

"A misfit?" Ashton had an amused expression on his face.

Calum nodded, smiling slightly,"Yep, that's what Luke called us."

A small chuckle left Ashton, he hesitated as he looked at Calum. Honestly, he was more concerned that Calum almost killed himself, that Luke is doing drugs, and who knows what the hell is going on with Michael. He was concerned over them all and how can he know if they're okay if he doesn't go to the club?

He wanted to make sure they're doing fine. Without just seeing them in the hall every once in a while and in class by glancing at the back of the room. Because Ashton sits in the middle or front, but they don't. He saw the desperate look on Calum's face and he nodded slowly. Hopefully things will be different this time.

-

"So um, a lot has happened in the past two days. Or really, in the pass week I guess, but it's okay, we're back!" Luke said with a timid smile, sitting in his original seat with his hands holding the box of topics. Everyone was sitting in their usual seats, Michael not looking at him and Calum sitting nervously, while glancing at the door. Luke asked hesitantly,"Does um, does anyone know where Ashton is?"

No one said anything, and Luke sighed sadly. He ran a hand over his face in frustration, trying not to freak out. He saw Ashton in the hall earlier, he's okay. He's not Calum, he won't try to - he just won't. Luke shakily opened the box, taking out a topic and saw how Calum kept looking at the door.

He ignored that, putting down the box and went to speak. Before he could, the door opened and everyone was relieved when noticing it was Ashton. The boy quickly tossed his bag with the others and didn't say anything as he sat down in his seat, nodding at Calum who grinned.

Luke said quietly, a small smile on his face,"Glad you could make it."

All he received was a blank expression. He sighed and figured that was better than nothing. Luke announced,"Today's topic is...parents. I guess. Um, the question is how's your relationship with your parents? And which one do you favor, why? Michael I...you don' t have to go if you don't want to."

Michael shook his head, not wanting to talk about them. Everyone understood, knowing it was still a tough subject. So, Ashton nearly scoffed when Luke smiled at him. He wasn't feeling keen about Luke at the moment. It irritated him that Luke acted as if nothing was wrong.

"I guess my relationship with my parents sucks. We were never really close. Ever since my sister and brother were born, they put most of their stress and parenting towards me. I guess if I had to choose one I liked the most, it's probably my mum since she's at least nice enough to ask how my day is every once and a while," He said with a shrug, flicking his rubber band on his cuts and held back a wince because the pain felt relieving.

For a second Luke watched, gulping slightly when noticing and blinked,"D-Did you ever have a little moment with them that you remember? One that was nice and made you wish you could go back to that time?"

"Maybe when Bradl-I mean, no." Ashton quickly shook his head,"No, um, they were always pretty strict. We never had that father-son or mother-son bonding time."

Luke didn't believe him, but he just turned to Calum and the dark-haired boy answered before he could be asked,"I have a good relationship with my parents. Even if they are hard on me sometimes, they have a reason to be. I'm closer with my dad, obviously. My mum works when I get home from school and my dad his the track coach."

Luke nodded, getting up and for the first time since the club started, Ashton didn't make him answer like usual. It was Calum who asked,"What about you?"

And maybe there was reason why neither Michael or Ashton asked the parents question. Because Luke halted, his eyes closing quickly as he held back his upset feeling. Calum noticed, suspicion on his face when seeing the blonde's reaction towards the question. It was full of fear, sadness and embarrassment.

He just answered,"Let's just said we don't have the best relationship."

"You're suppose to be honest," Calum told him, frowning a bit. "We're your friends, right? So you can tell us the truth."

"Says y-you," Michael mumbled quietly, fidgeting with his sleeves.

Calum turned to him with furrowed eyebrows,"I'm trying to be more open now, okay? So, Luke, do you have a good relationship with your parents?"

The question made Luke tense up, leaning his forehead against the closet's door, back to the boy's as he blinked his eyes profusely. He picked at his nails, trying to distract himself. He didn't like this meeting, this question and he really didn't like his parents. But mostly, he didn't like people knowing about them.

Of course he didn't have a good relationship with them. And he knew Calum didn't mean to pester, he was just trying to help but right now Luke was trying to not get help. Help is for the weak, even if he tells the boys it isn't. Even if he's constantly trying to help everyone else. It's just weak for him, no one else. Because Luke is weak already, he needed to be strong for them and to help them. 

But he knew he couldn't always be there. He was there for Calum, however that was pure coincidence. And he basically abandoned Michael, even though he was trying so hard to be there for him as well. He also needed to make sure Ashton didn't do anything stupid and to make sure he didn't cut too deep or at all. 

So far he hasn't done his best and he's failed everyone. The realization hit and his dad was always right. He failed. He's not able to help anyone. Because he can't even help himself. Calum's question repeated in his mind and Luke tightly shut his eyes, trying to calm down. But he couldn't. It just hit him. Sort of like his dad.

"Move out for all we care."

"If only Ben and Jack stayed home instead of you pathetic piece of shit."

"Why can't you be more like your brothers?"

"What a failure."

"You weren't even meant to be born."

"You're a mistake."

"So worthless."

"Stay in the cage like the mutt you are."

Suddenly a hand touched his shoulder, Luke jumping in surprise with a loud shriek as he looked at Michael with teary eyes. Michael frowned, looking at him with an expression that basically spoke for him. 'Are you okay?' And Luke definitely wasn't. He wasn't okay but he needed to be.

So, he nodded and noticed Ashton and Calum were gone. He frowned, but Michael just shook his head. They left because Ashton explained to Calum that it was a 'tough topic'. Somehow Luke understood what Michael was trying to explain without words, however they do know each other well.

He sat up on th desk, surprised that Michael sat next to him and took his hand, entwining their fingers. A sad smile fell upon Luke's lips. He missed holding Michael's hand, it's been so long. He glanced at the door, sighing because he wanted to apologize to Ashton about Yesterday.

"I messed up, Mikey," Luke shook his head with a huff. Obviously there was no response and just a squeeze of a hand. "I'm really sorry for abandoning the club. I'm - I'm such an idiot. It's just - no one understands and I don't like explaining it, I needed my space? Not that you guys annoyed me. I couldn't be around any of you, though."

"W-Why?" Michael asked in confusion.

"Because, at home my dad hits me and my mum hates me. You guys are my only friends -- you and Ashton. And well, you both know about my parents. Calum and I aren't too close yet. And when I'm around you two, we usually talk about my parents or mention them. I guess with Mitch and the guys, they don't know, so it's a little escape," Luke tried explaining.

He then added,"And they make me feel happy. Well, they make me feel accepted and like they really like me."

"I - I like you," Michael assured, smiling and gave Luke a quick kiss on the cheek.

However, Luke got up from the desk and let go of Michael's hand,"Yeah, but it's different. Mitch likes me likes me. And Ashton, I have a crush on him, okay? Don't tell anyone. I just - I messed up with him and I wanted to apologize. I guess I'll have to tomorrow or something. Thanks for listening, Michael. You're always a good listener."

A hurt expression formed on Michael's face, him watching Luke walk out of the room. Leaving him alone in the empty class and he roughly grabbed his bag, slamming the door shut and left. Of course Luke didn't mean to hurt him, he never does but so much has changed.

A good listener? Surely that's not a bad thing. But the way he said it made it seem like that's all Michael is. Not a good person, a funny one, or a friend even. Just a good listener. And he called him Michael. Not Mikey or babe, which he always use to do.

When he walked outside, he spotted Calum leaning against his car and texting. Michael was confused, but Calum glanced up and grinned at him. He opened the passenger door, smirking and wiggled his eyebrows as he motioned for Michael to get inside.

At first he hesitated, and Calum chuckled,"I said I wanted to hang out with you more. I meant it, so let's go to my place and watch some movies or something!"

Michael stared at the car, then noticed Luke walking home alone. He didn't even bother to walk with Michael, despite them always walking together. Calum nudged him and looked at him as if to ask what's wrong. Suddenly Michael pulled Calum in a hug, arms tight around his neck and burying his face in Calum's neck.

Calum stumbled a bit, confused as he slowly hugged him back. Michael said quietly,"I - I like him so much."

"Wait, what?" Calum asked with a lump in his throat. No, Michael can't like someone else. They're suppose to be- he just can't like someone else. It's not how it's suppose to go.

Michael pulled back slightly and he shrugged,"I - I miss Luke. My friend. W - Why doesn't he like me anymore? H - He's so nice . Sweet. But then he leaves me? Always leaves me a - and I miss him."

"Do you mean like a crush or um, just friends?" Calum asked, wanting to make sure he's not getting jealous for no reason.

A small blush formed on Michael's cheeks and he shook his head,"D - Don't know. Just m - miss him a lot."

"I think you miss the affection he gave you. Yeah you probably miss him to. But before, you guys hung out a lot and I guess you're not use to being on your own." Michael nodded slowly, causing Calum to feel relieved. "Plus, him and Ashton like each other. They're just idiots and don't admit it. Let's go, we should get to my place."

When Michael got in the passenger side, Calum went to his and the ride to the house was rather quiet like always. Michael kept looking out the window and he knew the guy was missing his best friend. Sadly, Calum never was attached to a person before, more attached to his label.

He liked being known as a jock because jocks have tons of friends. Or that's what people think. He knew it wasn't true anymore, and now he was hoping he can build a friendship with the three boys. Maybe even more with Michael, who seemed to be the sweetest person ever.

At the moment, Calum didn't know what he was. Gay, bisexual, bi-curious or maybe just attracted to Michael. As they walked into his house, however, all he knew was Michael was definitely his crush. He could feel himself growing nervous and that's what Michael makes him feel.

Almost like he was afraid to make a wrong move or to come off as a jerk at any point. He wanted to impress Michael, but he knew Michael wasn't the type to be impressed. He preferred to just be loved. And Calum kind of wanted to be the one to make him feel that way.

Suddenly his dad walked out of the kitchen, about to speak till his eyes laid on Michael. The fringe-haired boy awkwardly stood under his gaze and Calum introduced the two,"Dad, this is my um, my friend Michael. Remember? He was there when I - you know. Sort of passed out or whatever."

It came out so casually but a tension filled and Calum's dad shook Michael's hand with a firm grip. He grinned,"Nice to meet you, Michael."

"Y-You too, sir. L-Lovely home," He said quietly, Calum's dad struggling to hear causing Michael to feel more nervous. He shakily stuffed his hands in his pocket, not liking the attention.

Noticing this, Calum told him,"Why don't you go to my room while I get us some snacks." Michael tensed, and Calum ignored it because he needs to eat. "My room is upstairs, first door on the right. I'll be there in a minute, you can go through my movies and pick something to watch."

Michael nodded shyly, avoiding Calum's dad curious gaze and rushed upstairs with his bag. Calum went to the kitchen and didn't acknowledge the way his dad followed. He went to the cabinet, trying to pick a snack that wasn't heavily carbed considering Michael would probably not want it.

"You know, that Michael is a nice kid. I'm glad you're starting to hang out around better people," His dad complimented, patting his head and headed to his office. But then he paused, turning and told his son with a small smile,"I'm really proud of you, Calum."

Calum smiled, just nodding and grabbed a couple granola bars. He bit his bottom lip as he headed upstairs and this was definitely nice. Having his dad be proud, a crush that actually felt right, Maya as his friend and him being okay with Ashton and Luke at the moment.

Everything was turning out decently. When he went in his room, he saw Michael shyly looking up and holding up the movie 'Lilo and Stitch' with wide eyes and slightly pouty lips. Calum chuckled, taking it and putting it in the DVD player as Michael hesitantly got on his bed. 

As the credits played, Calum walked over to the bed and rolled his eyes at how awkward Michael looked. He playfully pushed Michael on the bed and tugged off his shoes. Michael blushed and shook his head quickly, as if to say 'stop' and 'that's weird'. But Calum shrugged, crawling on the bed after kicking off his own shoes.

Much to his dismay, Michael still was sat up and he tugged at the boy's hoodie, patting the spot next to him. Michael paused, glancing at Calum and he nodded for him to come over. He could speak if he wanted, but he figured Michael felt more comfortable when people didn't speak as well. Like they respected his decision to stay quiet.

The DVD menu was now on and Calum grabbed his remote, pressing play and it soon started. Michael was slowly nibbling on the granola bar, timidly chewing as he did so. He could feel Calum glancing at him every once and a while.

It wasn't long till he felt more relaxed, half-way leaning against Calum and he held back a sheepish grin when Calum nonchalantly wrapped his arm around him. Calum smiled when Michael snuggled into his arms, realizing he was definitely not straight.

And he's becoming okay with that.


	17. Chapter 17

There was a small silence as Michael sat outside Luke's house, waiting for him to come out so they can walk to school together. He was happy to know they were walking to school together like usual. Michael likes tradition. He likes same. Therefor he likes Luke and he just wanted life back to normal but he also didn't want to forget about Calum and Ashton.

A small smile formed on his face as he thought back to him and Calum the night before. How they were cuddled up and watching Lilo and Stitch. It was a beautiful moment in his mind. He's a very cuddly person. He loves being held or holding someone if they're sad. Though he prefers being held.

The thought of being protected, having arms wrapped around his tiny frame and feeling soft breaths on his neck. To some people it would seem uncomfortable. But he loved spooning with Luke, so he couldn't imagine how it would feel to have Calum's strong arms holding him. It made him giggly just thinking about it.

Suddenly a door slamming was heard and he frowned when seeing Luke rushing passed him. Michael grabbed his bag and frantically followed Luke. He hesitantly grabbed the boy's hand, heart breaking when Luke flinched a bit. But, the hurt was gone and replaced with pity when he saw Luke look at him. 

His left side of his face was discolored, tears in the slightly red eye and he lifted his hand to lightly brush his fingers over the bruised skin. Michael hated seeing this. He wanted so badly to take Luke home and hide him under his bed or something. He felt weak. Because he can't do anything to help his friend who obviously needs it.

When he went to speak, Luke just turned and walked away as he wiped hs teary eyes a bit. He tried to shake the pain away, the hurt and the embarrassment. He hated when his dad hit him, not just because it hurt, but mainly considering the fact that he needs to not be so week. He should punch his dad back. However, that would just make things a million times worse since he's already tried that.

Michael quickly speeds up to reach his friend. He frowned when hearing Luke sniffle quietly and knew he was trying to hide it. Which he shouldn't. Michael hesitantly took Luke's hand, smiling when Luke entwined their fingers and he swung them between the two with a small silence.

It was times like these where Michael wished he could talk more. He tries to talk a lot, but it wasn't his fault. He didn't choose to be selectively mute. The problem is that he could have learned to speak more, but his parents never got him the help because when they learned about it after speaking to a doctor, they died not long later. 

They were almost at school, Michael nervously wishing he had Daniel back. Since losing Daniel, he's been having trouble speaking more than usual. Because it was like a small comfort to him. His old friend Daniel use to help him speak more, he didn't judge Michael and so when he would have Daniel his stuffed animal, he felt better and like he was able to think he was talking to actual Daniel. 

"Michael? You okay?" Luke asked in confusion, seeing Michael halted and glanced at their entwined fingers. He gave his friend's hand a squeeze of comfort.

A timid smile formed on Michael's lips. He nodded and noticed that once again Luke called him Michael. He frowned and glanced around, seeing no one was in the parking lot and told Luke,"Y - You're...being different. Mikey. You-You're suppose to call me Mikey."

Guilt formed on Luke's face when realizing he has been saying 'Michael' instead. He admitted awkwardly, biting his bottom lip with a frown,"Babe, I know. I just - it's complicated. I don't like abandoning you like that, not calling you what I usual do, but I'm just trying to - I don't even know. It just slips out now, okay?"

"No, n-not okay!" Michael exclaimed, snatching his hand away and stuffed his hands in his jumper pocket. He said with a confused and hurt expression,"Miss you! So - So much. J - Just want Lukey back, please? We can b-be friends again. Just d-don't want to lose another f-friend."

It hit him like a truck. Luke was taken by surprise at Michael's outburst and never even thought that maybe Michael felt abandoned because his old friend left him before and now his stuffed animal reminding him of Daniel was missing. His parents died. Luke was basically all he had left that was a root to his old life. A life that Michael missed and was comfortable with.

Luke pleaded, rubbing Michael's arm in comfort,"Mikey, I know it hurts now. But, just know you will never lose me. I can't promise things will be like before, but I will always be here when you need me. We're not going to drift, we're just going to...not always be together."

"I- I don't want that." Michael scowled slightly, glancing down as he scuffed his feet against the pavement. "W-Wanna be with you like before. You're not w-with me a lot. Always sit in lunch a-alone or with A-Ashton?! Why don't you sit with u-us? C - Calum doesn't, bu-but he's my friend. We h-hang out more than you and me."

A loof of offense crossed Luke's face and he scoffed in annoyance,"Oh really now? Cause, I always try to be there for you. I'm your friend, Calum's nice and everything, but he's still a little jacked up. At least I'm not the one talking shit about you behind your back and making fun of you to my jocky friends!"

As soon as he said that, Luke regretted it. He knew Calum said that before wanting to change. That he didn't mean what he said about Michael, however Michael didn't seem to care. He looked confused, betrayed and angry. He huffed and shoved passed Luke, going back to his quiet state while Luke simply sighed. He needs to fix this, he's been acting weird lately and now he's blurting shit out.

He instantly hated himself, sluggishly walking into school and spotted Maya alone at her locker. He looked down to hide his dark eye and noticed she was a pale complexion and maybe her skin tone would work with his. He knew it was a long shot, but walked over and tapped her shoulder awkwardly.

She glanced up, smiling but eyes widened at his discolored eye. Luke asked quietly,"D-Do you have foundation?"

At first she just looked at him with a confused expression. Millions of questions running through her mind. Many who's, how's and what's. But she nodded slowly, searching in her bag and Luke promised to give it back later when he see's her again but she didn't care. She just seemed sympathetic while watching him rush down the hall.

He waited till the bell rang and rushed to the boy's bathroom knowing he'll be late but didn't care. His dad hit him yesterday after school, so the bruise was small and barely there but he knew it would start showing up more later in the day. It hurt to blink, though he was use to it.

After applying the make up, he sighed and looked in the mirror. His face was paler than usual, his lips chapped and fuck --he was just a mess. His hair was under a beanie with his quiff messily sticking out. He knew his teacher would ask him to take the beanie off, but he didn't care.

He didn't care about anything anymore.

He felt his lip quiver a bit, a lump forming in his throat. However, he swallowed it, biting his bottom lip and let himself get less tense before tucking the make up in his jacket's pocket. He went to his locker, then to class where the teacher gave him a warning as he went to his seat. 

It was surprising to see Calum sitting there. Usually he sits with Garrett, who didn't seem pleased that Calum moved. Their class didn't have assigned seats. He slumped in his chair, Calum frowning when seeing his expression. But Luke simply turned to face the teacher.

It was after class when he had to deal with the 'New and Improved' Calum Hood. He nearly fell when Calum grabbed his arm, tugging him under the stairs. Luke grimaced at the gum everywhere, wincing when hearing millions of feet stomping on the steps with a 'thump, thump'. Almost like how his heart sounded.

Before Calum could speak, Luke glanced at him, hesitating before quickly handing Calum the item of make up from his pocket. He blushed a bit when Calum snorted, looking at the make up that had the word 'Gucci' on it and it was all just strange and awkward.

Calum raised an eyebrow, Luke explaining sheepishly,"It's Maya's, give it to her for me?"

"Why do you have it?"

"Why does it matter?"

Calum stared at him, eyes squinting as Luke squirmed uncomfortably under the gaze. Suddenly Calum was pressing him against the wall and bringing his hand to Luke's face. Luke's face was red, the closeness throwing him off. But then Calum wiped his thumb under Luke's eyes making Luke wince at the pain. 

When Calum looked at his thumb, he gaped when seeing the make up on it and asked Luke as he stared at the bruised skin,"What-Who the hell did this to you?!"

"It doesn't matter," Luke retorted, snatching the make up and grumpily took out his phone to reapply it. He sighed when seeing Calum looking at him in disbelief. Luke repeated,It doesn't matter. Seriously. It's nothing. I - I ran into a pole yesterday, you know I'm clumsy."

"And a really bad liar," Calum rolled his eyes. He then looked at Luke in disbelief as he tried walking off. He grabbed his arm, only for Luke to flinch and Calum frantically pulled away. But then he slowly turned Luke around, moving the jacket a bit and Luke didn't bother pulling away. A huge bruise was on Luke's arm and Calum asked in concern,"What the hell happened? Did the pole freaking beat you up?"

At first Luke stayed quiet. But then he nodded slowly,"Yes, he did. I gotta go to class. But, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for whatever happens today." 

With Michael, Luke added mentally.

That's all Calum got before Luke disappeared out of his sight. He watched the boy with a longing expression, glancing at the make up in his hands. He's used it, of course. But, it was for bags under his eyes. He didn't know Luke was the one treated like a bag for his own dad. Not just any bag, but a punching one.

He went through the day wondering and thinking and just worrying. Which is weird, considering he's never worried about a person aside from Michael. Now he has Luke and Ashton and it wasn't normal to feel this way. But, he sadly likes it. Not for the reason why he's worrying, but the reason behind it. He's caring about people and Calum likes that. It proves he's not heartless.

When he gave Maya the make-up, they barely spoke. Breaking up was good for them, since Calum is confused with his sexuality and feelings for Michael. But, like any couple, it was awkward to simply hang out together. Maya only stayed with him that one time because well, he needed her and she wanted to be there for him.

However, Calum knew it would pass and was more worried about him building a friendship with the misfits. So, when lunch rolled around, Calum knew what he had to do. It didn't seem very hard, but going from a table with his teammates to just the three club members is quite a difference.

After he got his lunch, he paused as he scanned the cafeteria in search of the boys. Thankfully they were sat together like they use to be. All three at one table alone. He hesitantly went over to the table, not missing the surprised expressions on the boys faces.

He awkwardly smiled, sitting next to Ashton. A lot of tension was at the table. No one really spoke, because no one was really friends anymore. They were all trying to rebuild their friendships, but it takes time. So far only Calum and Ashton had a decent one going on along with Calum and Michael. Or so he though.

As lunch went on, Calum noticed that his old friends (?) were staring at their able and laughing while pointing at him. He didn't care, he was trying not to think about it. So he kept his eyes on the table, seeing Michael was actually eating. But, it wasn't a usual eating. It was more like he's binging and he didn't know how to take that, let alone Michael ignoring him.

Because, every time Calum tried to look at Michael, he noticed the way the boy avoided his eyes. A frown formed on his lips and Calum nudged his foot against Michael's under the table. He then felt a pang in his chest when Michael flinched. Calum asked him,"What's wrong?"

"I - Is it true?" Michael questioned quietly, looking at him with hurt eyes.

Calum looked confused,"Is what true?"

"Y-You made fun of me? Teased me?"

A silence fell. Ashton and Luke looking down, both knowing it was true and waiting to see whether Calum would be honest or not. Calum gulped slowly, seeing the serious look in Michael's green eyes. He chewed on his bottom lip nervously and reluctantly nodded.

Michael snapped,"W-What did you s-say? Tell me."

"Michael, please-"

"Now!"

Taken back by the loudness in his voice, Calum admitted with distress,"I - I said stupid shit, Michael. I promise I didn't mean any of it." But Michael just waited and so he told him honestly while fidgeting with his fingers,"I called you a baby, told them about you crying when um, when you lost Daniel. Said you were a freak...I swear, I hate myself for saying that! Michael, y-you're my friend and I know you can forgive me, right? I'm changing."

Michael scoffed, shaking his head with a frown,"I - I can't believe I tried being your friend."

"No,no,no!" Calum reached for Michael, but the boy simply curled his hand under his sleeve and ran off out of the cafeteria to who knows where.

Before Calum could speak to the two guys awkwardly sitting and watching them. Luke stood up and said quietly,"That's what I warned you about. I'm really sorry, I - I should go after him. I'm really sorry, Calum."

"You shouldn't be, I'm the one who said it," Calum mumbled, picking at his food.

When he said that, Luke knew it was true, but he's still sorry. However, instead of arguing with Calum, he simply nodded and went after his friend on the run. He knew there weren't many places for him to go. And it was a sad feeling he got when his heart told him Michael might be in the bathroom.

He hesitated, going in the bathroom and saw Michael's shoes while looking under the stalls. His heart dropped, hearing the toilet flush and Michael sniffling quietly. He knocked quietly, the boy opening and shakily shoving passed Luke with watery eyes and going to the sink.

Luke looked at him with pitied eyes,"D-Did you...?"

Michael nodded.

And that's all he had to do for Luke to pull him into a hug. His damp hands clinging to his back, his wet face from the water burying in Luke's neck. It wasn't long till he was sobbing, mumbling repeatedly 'I'm so fat', 'I want to be attractive', 'I'm so ugly' and so many more insults that Luke just wanted to tell him he's perfect the way he is.

However, it's not like Michael would believe it. Luke's been trying to let him know how perfect he is. But, Michael never listened and would just thank him anyways. So, as usual, Luke simply held the boy and kissed his head repeatedly to try and make him feel loved.

He told Michael honestly,"I know it's hard to believe you're beautiful. Some people don't notice how perfect they are, but you need to know I think you're beautiful. And so does Ashton, and so does Calum because we care about you and therefor you're basically an angel in our eyes."

"Calum h-hates me! Cause I'm f - fat and his girlfriend is skinny and - and he doesn't like guys. Especially not ugly ones w-who are pale and love stuffed an-animals. And I'm clingy and th-that's why you hate me!" Michael sobbed, cringing from Luke as he buried his head in his knees to quiet his cries.

Luke was taken by surprise, not thinking that was how Michael felt. He frowned and tried saying,"I don't hate you, I love you, Mikey. You're my best friend and I need you just like you need me. We need each other, that's what you've been trying to tell me, right?"

Michael nodded slowly, looking up at him with sad green eyes that were filled with tears. And it was then that Luke realized that it was true, but then he was just so stressed as he hugged Michael and mumbled apologies all over again. He felt so bad for abandoning his friend who may be bulimic and anorexic now and he had more things to add on his list of worries.

-

It was after school, Ashton in the science lab with his glasses on and a grey jacket that had black sleeves on. He was working on his science project, doing the poster board. He had asked his teacher if he was allowed to stay after, and since he didn't have a club meeting with the boys, he decided to spend his time doing this instead.

Sadly, he would have stayed home. His mum would be constantly nagging him, though. He didn't want her hovering over his shoulder and correcting everything he does wrong. He knew it may not be perfect, but he has been working on the project for quite some time and the science fair was tomorrow and he needed it done.

Usually he is constantly ahead of the game, getting his work done days before. But, with all the drama in the past week he didn't have the time. Now he was practically done, gluing the pictures on the board and using foam letters for the board despite it being slightly childish. It's better than his handwriting.

He sighed, wiping his forehead slightly and noticed he would need to leave soon. He has been working for an hour, but now he figured he should leave since he just needed to print out a few things at home. He folded up the board, cleaning up everything and heard a knock on the door.

He turned and saw Calum sheepishly smiling. He looked sweaty, probably coming from practice. Calum glanced around and frowned,"Great, he's not here?"

"Who?" Ashton packed up his supplies and tossed his bag on his back while fixing his glasses a bit.

Calum snorted,"Lucifer, that's who. He wasn't at practice, thought maybe he would be with you but apparently I was wrong. He's been skipping and my dad wants to kick him off the team if he keeps missing out. He was lucky enough to be on the team and now he's not showing up."

"He didn't go home, I saw him walking towards the locker room when I came here," Ashton told Calum with a confused expression. But then realization hit and Ashton shoved his phone in his pocket while mumbling as he walked passed Calum,"Never mind, I know where he is."

When Calum went to speak, Ashton just left and already put his board away in the supplies closet since he was allowed to leave it there. He figured Luke was with his little friends. Probably smoking it up, but he was hoping he was wrong. Sadly, he wasn't wrong at all.

As he went outside the school, Ashton looked around with an angered expression. He walked around the outside of the school, not seeing Luke anywhere and huffed in annoyance. Because he could just tell Luke wasn't at home or Michael's, maybe he's at the guy's house.

He was praying that wasn't true. He didn't want Luke going home with anyone. Cause, well, maybe Ashton is jealous but he's also worried. Luke's been hanging out with those jerks a lot. Or maybe they're not jerks. But they're definitely a bad influence on his friend and Ashton didn't appreciate them corrupting the blonde.

Suddenly he halted, seeing Luke walking with Mitch and a group of people. They were passing around a joint, walking towards the park and Ashton hesitated. He followed, shaking his head in shame when seeing Luke taking the joint and grimaced in disgust.

He knew weed was probably not as bad as other stuff Luke could be doing. But, it wasn't good. He didn't like how Luke was acting whenever he took it. How harsh his voice gets, how red his eyes are and he just wanted Luke back. He sighed, reluctantly chasing after the people as they went to the park.

When he got there, he saw Luke was sitting on the monkey bars. But, Ashton stopped in his steps. His heart dropped, seeing Luke kissing Mitch. And it wasn't even just kissing. They were practically making out with their shirts off and the group of people were cheering them on as if it was some stupid game.

Ashton shouted without processing his words,"So, you're ditching track practice to get high and have sex on a playground with some douchebag? Twice? I expected better, Luke."

The voice made Luke stiffen, pulling away from Mitch and blushed when Ashton raised an eyebrow at him. Luke saw Ashton scoff as he tried getting down from the monkey bars. When he saw Ashton turning to leave, Luke frantically grabbed his shirt and tugged it on.

He stumbled a bit as he tried saying,"Ashton, please don't be mad."

"And why the hell should I be happy? The guy I like is ruining himself with drugs! What's next, cocaine? You're changing! I miss the old you," Ashton mentally smacked himself, for admitting his feelings and getting so angry. But it's true, Luke's acting like an idiot.

Luke's eyes widened,"Wait, you like me?"

"No, I like the old you. You're acting like someone else, Luke. This isn't you. The real Luke wouldn't get high to forget his problems, he would talk to me. He would laugh and joke around with me and he wouldn't be making out with Mitch the bitch," Ashton retorted, ignoring the way Mitch frowned.

A defensive expression formed on Luke's face,"I'm not changing, I'm just making friends!"

"I'm your friend Luke! Not these assholes who make you smoke weed to act cool and get higher than my grades! You were a jerk last time you were high, that's not who you are. These people," Ashton motioned to the group of kids who were glaring at him and said,"Aren't your friends, they're using you!"

"Shut the hell up," One of the guys said, stalking over to the two. "Get out of here, kid. Luke doesn't need your weakass, he has us now."

Ashton rolled his eyes,"Whatever, Neanderthal."

"Shut up, nerd," He sneered.

Ashton nodded slowly,"That's so offensive, I forgot to cry."

"Now ya mocking me? Laugh at this, asshole."

Before anyone can do anything, the guy was shoving Ashton on the ground and punching him right across the face. Ashton felt his jaw throbbing, struggling under the guy's grip. His wrists were hurting as he held onto them tightly. Luke's eyes widened, him rushing over and pushing him off Ashton. Mitch tugged him away, glaring as he shouted at the guy. But, Luke was too worried about Ashton to care.

However, he did stomp over after he helped Ashton up, punching the guy right in the face and watched him fall back. Mitch hesitantly gave Luke a nod, meaning to go and he did. He rushed back to Ashton, not looking back as he lifted the boy on his back and quickly tried walking away. Ashton was wincing as he tried speaking, his jaw hurting like hell and he tasted a bit of blood in his mouth. 

By the time they got to Ashton's house, his mum wasn't pleased at all. She yelled and shouted, not even caring that Ashton was hurt and at least Luke got to stay the night. He helped Ashton, holding the ice to his jaw and was pleased that no one smelled the weed on him. Or perhaps they did and simply didn't care. 

There was an hour of silence, neither knowing what to say. But Ashton did see the makeup on Luke's eyes fading. He saw the bruise on his eye and no one said anything about Ashton admitting his crush. Because at that moment, they just cared for each other with sympathy and small smiles that meant they were sorry for everything.

Once it's been a while, Luke moved the ice pack and saw a bit of purple was showing. After contemplating, Luke leaned in and pressed his lips to the bruising area. His lips lingered, causing butterflies to fill Ashton's stomach and a small smile to form on his face.

Ashton whispered quietly,"Thank you."

"I'm sorry," Luke said with a regretting voice. "I - I just didn't know what to do. I was sad and didn't want you guys to worry about me. Mitch saw I was stressed one day. He gave me a cigarette, I felt better? I don't even smoke that much, I still have a lot of them left. I hid them. But, that's not the point. I made the club for Michael."

"What do you mean?" Ashton asked in confusion.

A shrug was what he received along with few words,"He deserves better friends than me. I deserve my family."

"No you don't," Ashton snapped, giving Luke a glare. "You deserve everything, Luke. Your parents are shit and your brothers are too. For leaving you with those assholes that beat you and insult you! No one deserves that. I - I care about you, okay? Michael and Calum do, too."

"Calum doesn't care about me," Luke snorted, shaking his head sadly.

Ashton raised an eyebrow,"Oh really? Cause he came by the science room today after school looking for you. He may not have outright said it and he did use that snappy tone. But I could tell he was worried. You saved his life, Luke. You saved mine and you're saving Michael's. Let me save yours."

"I abandoned him," Luke pointed out sadly.

But Ashton shrugged,"That's not yours or his fault. It's just life. We forget about people." He unknowingly held onto his necklace. Luke noticed and Ashton continued,"But you were there for him during lunch and that's what a true friend does."

"I got high after I left him! I couldn't handle the stress, I - I want to handle it so I can be with him, but it's really hard to be there for him all the time, even if I really want to," Luke told him in guilt, wishing he didn't say that.

A timid smile was what Ashton gave him, taking Luke's hand in his and said,"Well, Calum's there for him now too. And while he's helping Michael, I can help you. I can be there for you, I don't want to lose another person I care about. I want you back, the real you. The one who helped me and still is."

Luke nervously looked down, noticing Ashton rolled up his sleeve. A smile formed on Luke's lips, seeing that there were butterflies drawn on Ashton's arm with Luke's name. Most people would find it creepy, Luke thought it was Ashton's way of showing that he cares about Luke.

Despite Luke not wanting help, he knew he secretly needed it. He didn't tell Ashton the whole story. He didn't tell him about his childhood, but he knew Ashton knew enough to help. And even if he didn't want it, he nodded because Ashton was willing to help him and that was all that mattered.

The drugs weren't helping, Mitch was okay but his friends were jerks. Luke knew Mitch was just helping the only way he could. But, it wasn't a good route for him to go down. So, Ashton went online and they looked up ways to help with addiction. Even if Luke wasn't addicted.

He smoked weed twice and only smoked a cigarette a few times. He could stop easier than most people. After looking them up, they cuddled as Ashton studied. And then they were laying in Ashton's bed even though Ashton's mum made a bed on the floor and they were eating toast that Harry sneaked in for their dinner. Because Ashton got a B - in Psychics and that's not okay.

But Luke was proud of him, rambling about how amazing that was. Ashton didn't believe him, he needed to get an A or else he'll fail everything. However, he smiled at Luke's words. And everything was okay for now. They cuddled and ate toast and Ashton was falling for Luke deeper than ever and Luke was feeling the exact same way. Though, never said anything and just fell asleep in each other's arms.


	18. Chapter 18

Waking up and seeing Luke lying next to him in bed was surprising to Ashton. He forget Luke stayed over and was actually sad, because Luke's parents won't be happy he stayed over again. Last time his dad snapped at him and Ashton didn't want Luke to deal with that again.

He frowned a bit, seeing the make up that covered the bruise on Luke's eye was smeared off. It was on his pillow, but Ashton didn't mind. He was just upset over the bruise. Seeing Luke with purple colors on his face wasn't what Ashton wanted to see. He wanted to make Luke happy, to make him realize he deserves better than his parents.

It's sad that Luke doesn't realize he's worth more than what his parents make him out to be. He has potential to live whatever dream he wants. To be who he wants and live his life the way he should. Ashton frowned, realizing he was being a hypocrite and sighed as he sat up and yawned, noticing school was starting soon.

He got up, crawling over Luke and awkwardly straddling the blonde's hips then landed on the ground. Luke grumbled, curling up under the blanket and snuggling into the pillow. Ashton smiled fondly, then shook his head and went through his clothes to find an outfit.

After changing into a sleeveless shirt then a jacket over it to hide his butterfly drawings. So far he's been doing fine. He has strong urges to hurt himself a lot. Since it's been a couple days, it's been getting harder to stop himself. But, he wants to set an example for Luke. To show that if he can stop an addiction that he's had for a couple years, then Luke can stop smoking and hanging out with Mitch who he's known for a month at the most.

He hesitated, leaving Luke in the room and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and fix up his fringe. He combed it, then ruffled to give it a more messy look. He then noticed his parents were downstairs and grimaced, noticing his siblings eating and laughing with them.

He hated that. How his sister and brother can joke around with their parents. How they can get a B- and not be snapped at, forced to not eat and to study for hours. It wasn't fair. But, he wanted to make them proud and he was going to get into Melbourne. To make his parents happy and to get away from them.

Ashton sighed, going back to the room and noticed Luke snoring quietly with messy hair and parted lips. He saw that Luke drooled and scrunched his nose in disgust, but shrugged it off since he does too sometimes. He awkwardly shook Luke's shoulder, unsure of how to wake a person up.

Luke buried his face in the pillow, whining and tried going back to sleep. Ashton sighed and shook his shoulder's more, smiling a bit at how broad they are. It was sexy, in his mind. Luke ignored Ashton and the hazel-eyed boy groaned, roughly tugging the banket off the blonde, making Luke look at him with a sleepy glare.

Ashton told him with a tsk,"C'mon, we need to go to school!"

"I need to go home," Luke reminded sadly, knowing he had to get clothes to change into and a book he was suppose to return to his teacher in class.

A nervous expression showed on Ashton's face, assuring,"No, you'll be fine. You can borrow some of my clothes! I'm sure you can fit into something. We can look around. I think I have a big shirt that you could work with."

"Seriously? You're not that much smaller, but let's face it, I doubt I can fit any of your jeans. My legs are longer and your shirts may be tight. Dont worry, I'll be quick and sneak in my room, my parents won't see me," Luke promised, but Ashton still wasn't okay with it.

However, he knew he needed to let Luke do what he wants. Aside from a few stupid decisions he made, Luke was a bright boy and even if he does mess up, he's just human. Maybe he should have thought the whole 'sneaking in room' thing though, because Ashton had a bad feeling about it.

After Luke went to the bathroom, they headed out and Ashton's parents didn't even say goodbye. His sister did, though, and Ashton smiled at that. He fixed his glasses, tugging his hood up since it was chilly and noticed Luke looked rather cold. He hesitated, taking Luke's hand in his and the blonde stiffened before slowly relaxing and blushing a bit.

Considering Ashton admitted his feelings for Luke, he thought he wouldn't want to hold his hand. But, he didn't push him away and seemed to be smiling. It made him question if Luke feels the same about him. But, he didn't want to get his hopes up. With that in mind, he'll let it play out and if Luke say something then okay, if not, then he'll cry and get over it.

By the time they got to Luke's place, the blonde left and sneaked in the backyard to his room window. Ashton waited nervously on the side of the house, biting his nails with a worried expression. So far nothing seemed to have happened, and he checked the time and noticed they had still had twenty minutes to get to school.

That relieved him slightly, Ashton relaxing and telling himself Luke's fine. He just didn't want to see him getting hurt. To be the one to see a fresh mark on his face or body. It wasn't pretty at all. The bruises were always so dark and painful looking, causing Ashton to want to hold Luke and never let him go.

Suddenly there was a big bang heard. Ashton was outside and could even hear it. His eyes widened, hearing some shouting and Ashton felt his heart drop. He heard a glass shatter, and went to grab his phone when hearing Luke yelling something. But, he didn't know what to do. Luke doesn't want the cops called, he knew that, but he didn't want to see Luke getting hurt every single day.

Before he could actually dial the number, Luke was rushing out of the house and collapsed slightly on the sidewalk. Ashton rushed over, eyes widening at the cut on Luke's cheek. He shook his head frantically, getting up and going towards the house but Luke tugged him back with watery eyes and a pleading expression.

Luke said weakly,"Don't, can we j - just go to school?"

"You're hurt, Luke! What did he do to you?" Ashton asked sadly, helping Luke stand and wrapped an arm around his waist in case he felt the urge to sit down. He felt so guilty. He just sat outside and heard his friend getting beat up by his dad and didn't do anything.

At first Luke stayed quiet, but then he mumbled out with a small whimper,"H - He saw me about to go out the window and um, he just...he grabbed my shirt and practically threw me against my dresser. My side hurts a lot. And then he started shouting things and throwing shit at my mirror. And he pushed me and I just scraped myself on the glass on accident. I got out before he could do anything else."

"You say it like it's normal," Ashton frowned. The tone in Luke's voice was so casual, he had sadness in his eyes but his voice was completely nonchalant and it wasn't okay. It just wasn't.

"That's because it is normal in my life."

Ashton's heart dropped, seeing how Luke just shrugged as if it was nothing. He halted in his step, hesitantly turning to Luke and asked quietly,"H-How long have they been doing this?"

"Always," Luke admitted, looking down as he clenched his eyes shut. "They always have, it was just different before. They wouldn't hit me, cause well, I have - no, had two brothers. And they didn't want them to tell anyone, so when they were gone at school or something, they would. Um, they'd..."

He gave Luke's hand a squeeze, one of comfort and reminding him that he's here. He's seen Luke cry very barely. But, not like this. Tears were falling and Luke was choking up slightly as he tried to say,"T-They put me in a cage, Ashton. L-Like I'm some dog! I was only five, I didn't even do anything wrong! W-Why would they do that? I - I didn't do anything w-wrong. I never do anything w-wrong! W-Why do they hate me s-so much?"

Ashton's heart broke, him quickly pulling Luke into a hug and looked at him with pity and sympathy. Which is the last thing Luke wanted, but the first was to be in Ashton's arms so maybe it was okay for now. He had no idea what to say, how to respond to Luke's words.

A cage? Who puts their kid in a cage? It wasn't okay at all. That's child abuse, even if they aren't hitting Luke, they are restricting him and he knew they hurt him as well. He couldn't imagine being forced in a small area, especially a metal cage as a child. 

"T-They use to force me in the bath and it - it was really cold and I remember sometimes my m-mum put ice in it." Luke sniffled, stumbling over his words as Ashton held him tighter, feeling his own eyes water. "They never let me sleep in a bed, they said I didn't deserve one. I had to sleep in the cage, A-Ash. I had to stay in there for hours and they would never feed me. I had to sneak food and-and when I got caught, my mum would make me eat hot sauce."

Ashton shook his head slowly, holding Luke as tight as he could without hurting him and mumbled,"You need to find somewhere else to stay, Lukey. You can't - they're terrible people. You deserve to be treated like an angel, not a wild animal. You shouldn't be tortured like that."

"They don't do it anymore, it's okay now," Luke reminded, pulling back with a weak smile.

But Ashton looked at him in disbelief. He lifted his hand and brushed his thumb over the cut on Luke's cheek, grimacing at the small blood and told him sadly,"They're still hurting you. You need to get a home with people who at least feed you, who love you and want what's best for you."

"Your parents don't feed you, either," Luke mumbled, regreting saying that when Ashton furrowed his eyebrows sadly. It was right, but not the moment to say it. Luke huffed, wiping his eyes to hide the fact that he was crying and said,"It's only a few months till school's out. I can make it. And, you can too."

Ashton nodded hesitantly,"Alright, I - I guess we can just get through it. How about, if your parents are mad, just come over and bring some food. And, we can eat together and we'll be okay."

"Sounds perfect," Luke grinned, then his smile went smaller when remembering last night. He paused, contemplating before saying quietly,"I'm really sorry, by the way. I - I haven't been the best person in the world. But, I want to go back to the old me. The one you like."

A blush formed on Ashton's face and he awkwardly coughed,"Right, um about that."

"No, it's fine. We'll talk about it later? If you want to, of course. If you don't then it's fine," Luke assured, sheepishly looking down and Ashton nodded slowly. 

For the rest of the walk to school, they played a small game. A game called 'when I was a kid...' and they basically just thought back to some good memories they had. It was nice. Though neither had many and all the ones Ashton had mentioned Bradley, who seemed like a nice guy.

Considering he dated Bradley when he was fourteen, each story was adorable and like any first relationship. Ashton mentioned his first kiss, how it was awkward and he tried french kissing right away which had them both laughing. Then he told Luke about the time he and Bradley played soccer with his dad and Bradley broke his arm, but was laughing on the grass despite being hurt.

It seemed like Ashton was still longing over the boy, but Luke could tell he was getting over him. He wanted to ask him out, but he wasn't sure if Ashton was ready. However, it has been a couple years. So, maybe if they start dating, Ashton would be completely over the adorable boy that still held a place in Ashton's heart and in the necklace around his neck.

By the time they got to school, they had a couple minutes left and Ashton halted. He seemed to be thinking about something but then he quickly kissed Luke's cheek and rushed down the hall with a blush on his cheeks. Luke was stunned, slowly bring his fingers to brush over his cheek and smiled like an idiot.

He giggled quietly, practically skipping down the hall and headed to his and Michael's shared locker. Michael was there, quietly putting his book bag in and grabbing his binder. Luke knew he had to fix things between them. Even though they talked in the bathroom when Michael threw up and he did apologize, he knew he needed to do it again properly to where it doesn't seem like an in the moment thing.

When he walked over, Michael glanced up and gave him a timid smile. Luke chewed on his lip ring slightly before saying with guilt,"I love you, Mikey. Did you know you're the first person on my speed diall? You're the first person I think about when want to run away? I always wonder,'If I left, who will walk with Michael to school? Who will listen to music with me and not care about the silence?' And, I realized I kind of let you go more than I should have."

"What d-do you mean?" Michael asked quietly, glancing around the hallway with a sheepish expression when realizing some people were staring.

Luke told him with a sad smile,"I wanted you to make some friends, cause I thought maybe I was the one clinging to you and taking advantage of your shyness. I knew I could always rely on you, but then I knew we had to separate somewhat. So, I made the club for you, so you could make friends that deserve you more than I do. And, I made a huge mistake. I went to the first person who actually seemed to like me. And, Mitch isn't a bad guy. But, he's not the friend for me. You ae, and this sounds cheesy, but you're really my best friend and I miss you."

Michael grinned, eagerly tackling Luke with a hug and clinging onto him like always. Luke smiled, holding him tightly and people were watching their little bromance hug but neither cared. Especially not when Luke was just happy to have Michael again and vice versa.

"So, w-we're friends again?" Michael questioned hopefully. His smile brightening the whole hall and his green eyes sparkling with happiness. Because, Luke is his support system, his cuddle buddy when he needs one, his other half and they complete each other perfect.

"We never weren't."

-

The club was back in order now. Luke was happy to say he didn't feel forced to go, because last time he did. But, now he was eager and sitting in his seat with make up covering the cut on his face and the bruise on his eye. He went through the box, pulling out a paper with the topic.

Luckily it wasn't an upsetting or bad one. It made him smile, even. Because he thought it was a nice change to actually feel happy about answering the question. Usually it was an sad topic like parents, self-harm or hating something about your body, but this time it was hobbies.

He grinned, saying as he read over the paper,"Okay, today's topic is hobbies. The question is, what's your favorite hobby? And what's a hobby you would want to pick up if you haven't already? Alright, that's a nice topic. So, Michael you go first like usual."

Michael frowned a bit, he really didn't have a hobby. He doesn't do much, honestly. He hangs out with Luke or he sleeps, but he doesn't think sleeping would count. It was actually kind of embarrassing that he didn't have a talent or hobby, he was just a plain person.

He admitted sadly,"I - I don't have one?"

At first Luke went to protest, to say he knew Michael had one. But then he stopped himself and thought it over. It was actually true. Michael doesn't seem to be interested in anything. Not sports, music (aside from listening to it but everyone does), or artsy things. 

Calum spoke up in confusion,"Nothing? C'mon, there has to be something you like."

Michael ignored him, asking Luke quietly,"I - Is it weird? Am I boring?"

"No, it's fine!" Luke assured, patting his knee softly. "Don't worry, I didn't either until I started doing track. But, you'll find your calling. Now, maybe this can help, what's a hobby you want to do? Like, painting, photography, singing, you know? Anything at all?"

Michael thought it over, fiddling with his sleeves that passed his fingers and shrugged,"I - I dunno."

"Hey!" Ashton exclaimed, grinning and suggested,"Sign language? You don't like speaking, and well, maybe it can help. We can help you too. Like, we can all try to learn it."

"I think he should start learning to talk more, not stop talking more," Calum said, not trying to be rude. He just thought it would be best if Michael tried speaking more.

Luke retorted,"I think Ashton's right. It could be fun, actually. Also, he's not making himself stop speaking. He really can't unless he's around us. So, it could help him sometimes."

"Not many people know sign language," Calum pointed out. If Michael learned it, only a select few people would understand and be able to talk to him in the long run. It would be a waste of time.

Suddenly Michael snapped,"S-Stop! Don't want to do s-sign language."

"Okay, well what do you want to do?" Ashton asked curiously.

Michael shrugged.

Luke sighed, telling him knowingly,"There is something you want to do, I can tell. What is it? If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?"

"I - I like the guitar? Not the electric ones, the a - acoustic," He admitted, frowning and shook his head. "B-But, I can't buy one. S-So, it doesn't matter. It was the one at the shop w-we saw last year. It was r-really nice and I wanted to play it, b-but it's too much."

A frown formed on Luke's face, him remembering the exactly guitar Michael is talking about. It was probably long gone by now and he told Michael sympathetically,"Don't worry, maybe you can pick up music in college? We can ask the music teacher if you can practice sometimes, he may not say yes but don't give up. Besides, your birthday is this Saturday. You can ask your aunt. You're turning eighteen, that's a big deal."

It's strange how Michael is the oldest, but he can be mature when he wants to be. Calum and Ashton were surprised and guilty when hearing this. They never knew his birthday was coming up, they felt bad for not knowing and sent each other looks as if asking 'did you know it was his birthday?' and they both shook their heads.

Sadly, Michael just shrugged like always. He knew his aunt wouldn't get him the guitar. Luke knew this as well, however he wanted to at least try to make Michael feel better. Of course, it didn't work. He wanted to make Michael happy and get him the guitar, but he didn't have enough either.

After everyone answered the topic, Ashton saying his hobby was science and superheroes, Calum's was basically any sport and Luke enjoyed track, they took out the suitcase despite it not being Friday. They had to make up for last week. So, they tried finding an item to put in.

Luke hesitated before putting in his cigarettes and writing the word 'free' on the suitcase and admitted,"I um I put in the cigarettes because I don't want to get addicted and rely on them. And I'm going to try not to let Mitch and the guys get to me anymore."

Calum glanced at Luke, giving him a small smile and he went next. He put in his bracelet that the track team passed out last year when they won a meet. He wrote the word 'better' and said,"I put in the bracelet because you guys are right, the team wasn't my friends and I'm trying to get better too. I'm changing, I promise. It may take a while though."

His eyes stared right at Michael while saying that, but Michael just blinked at him with a blank expression. He was trying to reach out to Michael, but sadly it wasn't working well. Michael went next, putting in his earbuds and wrote the word 'lonely' on as he mumbled,"I - I put in the earbuds cause I like silence. M-Music isn't helping, it just makes things worse."

Ashton frowned,"What?"

"It doesn't h-help, it makes people sadder if it's a s-sad song since you can relate or sadder because you wish you could be happy if it's an upbeat song, there's nothing i-in the middle," He explained, looking down at his fingers and picked at his nails with a hopeless look on his face.

Calum retorted,"I actually love listening to sad music when I'm feeling sorrow. I mean, at first the songs making me upset and then I end up...crying and relating to music. But then I feel better because I let out my emotions. It helps in the end, the journey is what makes it seem more dreary."

"Well, sometime swallowed a dictionary," Ashton joked, nudging his knee against Calum's. He then added,"I actually agree with Michael, though. I think listening to something you can relate to -- it makes me miss the person the song reminds me about. It makes me realize they're gone, and I think about the memories. So, I turn it off and then try to forget about it."

"I think everyone has different opinions on the subject, it's a personal thing I guess. I'm in the middle, sometimes I just listen to a sad yet inspirational song like 'Hold On' By Good Charlotte. It makes me upset at first since it's so relatable, but the message helps. Same with 'Let Me Go' By Avril Lavigne," Luke said, giving Ashton a small smile when knowing Ashton was meaning Bradley when he spoke.

In the end, the boys all had rather different opinions. And Ashton put in a bracelet, slowly trying to get rid of them and force himself more and more to stop cutting. He then wrote the word 'helpful' on the suitcase and the meeting ended not long after, with Ashton leaving for his science fair.

Luke glanced at him as he left, a longing expression on his face and he and the boys cleaned up the room. Luke put away the suitcase and Calum moved the chairs and desks. But when Luke turned around, he saw Michael was gone and frowned while checking to see if his bag was in the room and it wasn't.

He sighed,"Where did Mikey go?"

"I have no idea," Calum said in confusion, but then he saw Luke going to find him and grabbed his arm. He snorted and told Luke,"No, man. I got this. You go to the science fair and be with Ashton, I know you want to. I can handle Michael, I need to talk to him anyways."

Luke hesitated,"But-"

"Nope, go." Calum motioned for him to leave and Luke gave him a thankful smile before grabbing his bag, rushing out of the room to go to where the science fair was held at. He remembered where Ashton said it was, when they were talking about it a while ago and Calum shook his head in amusement.

He sighed and glanced around the room. He had no idea where to start looking for Michael. Calum reluctantly grabbed his bag and tossed it over his shoulder, heading out of the room and shut the door behind him. He searched through the rooms, bathrooms and everywhere else.

He couldn't find him. It was then that Calum overheard some familiar voices speaking. He froze, realizing it was his old 'friends' who were heading down the head. Calum nervously tried to hide in the bathroom, but the door was locked and he groaned when hearing the guys laughing.

Before he could rush off, one of the guys noticed him and exclaimed,"Hey, it's our backstabbing old teammate! Nice to see ya, loser. Where's your group of idiots at now?"

"I'm looking at them, aren't I?" Calum shot back, rolling his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pocket with a raised eyebrow. He smirked slightly at their stunned expressions, holding back a yawn as he went to turn and leave.

But a guy grabbed his arm, slamming him against the locker that didn't startle Calum at all. He sneered in Calum's face,"Hey now, no need to get snappy with us. You're the one who betrayed us. Who do you think you are? Going around and hanging out with those emo freaks!"

"I - I'm not hanging out with them, we're just - we're working on something together, okay?" Calum sighed, wishing he could step up and be honest. He didn't like lying about being friends with the guys, but having someone who use to be his friend try to hurt him is making him freeze up.

Garrett exclaimed,"Oh really? Then, sit with us tomorrow at lunch."

Calum bit his lip nervously, glancing down. He needed to stand up for himself, to stay friends with the people who truly like him for him. And the only way to do that is to stick up for them. So, he shoved the guys off and roughly pushed passed them as he said nothing. Because, right now he's still trying to get use to this. Being a misfit and not letting people control him. He didn't exactly stand up for them, but he didn't insult them or betray them either. He's learning.

A proud feeling settled in his body. Never did he think he could stand up to those jerks. He smirked a bit when sneakily glancing back at their appalled expressions. Michael was right. They don't like him. He would have lost them anyways, and if they get mad at him for making new friends, then they weren't his true friends either.

In that moment, Calum then realized where Michael was. He sighed and rushed out the backdoors of the school. He went over to the field where the bleachers were and chuckled to himself when looking under them and seeing Michael a bit. He should have known.

He was getting annoyed of having to ruin his jeans every time he crawled under, but knew he could afford more and just did it anyways. If that meant being able to talk to Michael, then he could deal with it. When he finally was where Michael scooted, he smiled when Michael didn't even look at him. Weird, since Michael's ignoring him. But, he still smiled because Michael didn't push him away either.

He hesitated but told him nonchalantly,"You look cute."

"H-How did you know I was here?" Michael tried hiding it by pressing his knees to his chest and burying his face in them, but he definitely blushed at the compliment.

Calum shrugged, crossing his legs and said,"I'm not sure. This is like the place you go to when you want to be alone. I figured you'd go here or home. And you never seem to want to go home, so here we are."

"Y-You know I want to be alone, w-why are you here?" Michael grumbled, furrowing his eyebrows as if he was upset but Calum could tell he really wasn't.

At first he didn't speak, Calum leaned against the metal pole and felt the coldness press against his shirt. He chewed on his bottom lip then said,"Cause, you don't want to be alone. When you're alone, all your negative thoughts take over and I can tell you hate that. It's really obvious. You may think you want to be alone, but that's just cause you don't want to get hurt and you think that ignoring people and not letting anyone in will stop that. But, it won't."

A frown formed on Michael's face, him staring ahead and not looking at Calum. "You don't k-know me."

"I know enough about you to know you hate forgiving people but you do it anyways eventually. Cause you're scared to lose someone else in your life, and you won't. You won't lose me, Michael. Don't push me away," Calum pleaded, hesitantly laying his hand on Michael's arm. "I know I shouldn't have said that. It was a while ago, I didn't mean it. I'm changing, I promise I'm trying to be a better person. For you."

Michael's eyes closed, him shaking his head and mumbled,"N-No, stop."

"I'm so sorry, please forgive me," Calum begged slightly, giving his arm a soft squeeze.

But Michael shook his head again,"N-No. I did before. N-Not again."

Calum sighed, nodding slowly and carefully let go of Michael's arm. He leaned back where he was sitting, the two sitting in a comfortable silence. Which was weird. Michael basically rejected him and yet they're still able to stay together. Michael didn't ask him to leave, and Calum didn't feel like he had to.

He knew he was going to have to make it up to Michael. To show that he meant it this time. That he wanted to be a better person and he was going to change. He felt so happy with the three boys, able to help each other and it was like they were all best friends. Except, Michael was more to him.

As Michael looked through the cracks of the bleachers, Calum glanced at him. He could stare at Michael for hours, as creepy as it sounds. It was like every time he looked at Michael, he could see another beautiful part of him. His eyes, his nose, his lips, his hair -- Calum could go on for hours.

He couldn't keep his eyes off of Michael, wanting to look at him and not be ashamed. Everything he does is beautiful. From the way he speaks in a stutter, to where he talks about something with confidence. Even in a room full of students, Calum could point Michael out from across the room and he will prove himself if it meant he could be with him. He will show Michael that he's a better person.

Meanwhile, Luke was staring at his own crush. Thinking the same thing. How to prove to Ashton that he can change and that he'll be a better person. Surely it's a different situation, some may say better and others worse. But, he still needs to show that he'll turn back to his real self.

He was leaning against the wall, looking at Ashton as he talked to the judges about his project. Luke had no idea what he was saying, couldn't understand a word and it was like he was listening to an alien language. Ashton seemed to know what he was doing, though. 

Luke was definitely not creepily staring, he was simply admiring from afar. Watches with a fond smile as Ashton nodding at something the judge said with a serious expression. He was wearing a nice outfit with a cute button up and Luke thought he looked like a straight up dork with his glasses and fringe. But, he loved it.

And suddenly Ashton was grinning, repeatedly saying something and the judges left while placing something on Ashton's posterboard. Luke waited for them to move before slowly walking over with his hands stuffed in his jean pockets. He saw Ashton clearing up his table and cleared his throat.

Ashton turned, beaming at Luke and asked with a surprised expression,"L-Luke? What are you doing here? I thought you hated science fairs."

"Yeah, but I don't hate you," Luke told him with a small smile.

A curious look showed on Ashton's face, him chuckling and nodding slowly,"O-Oh. Um, well I hope you liked it! Did you look at the other contestants? I seriously thought I was going to lose or something. I didn't really think you'd show up either. I guess there was a lot of surprises t-"

Luke suddenly pressed his lips to Ashton's, causing him to gasp quietly and not respond at first. Noticing this, Luke pulled away with a blush and as he went to speak, Ashton was staring at him and wrapped his hand around the back of Luke's neck, pulling him back down and kissing him deeply.

Now Luke was surprised, but didn't take long to kiss him back. Their lips slowly moving together, both smiling slightly but not to where the kiss was ruining. It was a simple kiss. No tongue or frantic movements. Just slow and sensual, tender and as if they were afraid to break one another.

Because, they are.

And that was the problem in the beginning. But, now it didn't matter. The were at a science fair, where Luke didn't even think he'd end up a couple months ago. Let alone be kissing Ashton Irwin, the boy who wouldn't give him pencils unless he had to get up and sharpen one.

The boy who barely spoke to him, though they sat next to each other since the beginning of the year and he never expected to have a crush on him, however he does and he was happy Ashton returned the feelings.

He pulled away from the boy breathlessly, smiling a stupid smile and said awkwardly,"T-That was nice."

"Nice is an understatement, it was breathtaking. Literally," Ashton giggled, wrapping his arms around Luke's neck and stood on his tip-toes slightly. He asked with a hopeful grin,"This means you like me back, right? Or, are you just messing with me and feel bad? Please tell me you aren't."

Before he could reply, Luke felt his phone vibrate and someone cleared their throat. The two jumped away and Luke saw the judges were back with curious and strange expressions. Ashton was blushing like a maniac, and Luke motioned to his phone with an apologetic smile. He gave Ashton a quick wink and rushed off.

Luke looked at the caller I.D and saw it was Calum. He doesn't even remember giving him his number, but maybe it was from the party a couple weeks ago. He sighed and walked away, looking back to see Ashton beaming at the judges looking a million times happier than before they kissed and he knew Ashton won.

When he pressed answer, Calum was speaking right away and didn't give Luke a chance to say hello,"Hey Luke, I need your help with something."

At first Luke wanted to say no, not because he hates Calum or anything. But because he was worried about what it might be. However, he looked at Ashton again. And Ashton looked at him. They both instantly smiled and well, life is about taking chances and here was a chance thrown at him. He had no reason to say no.

So, he told Calum with a small nod, "Anything."


	19. Chapter 19

Waking up on your birthday should be fun. Michael should be smiling because, well, it's his birthday. The day that's all about him, where he should be smiling and having everyone celebrate with him. But, he's not happy. He just wants to go back to sleep and forget the day.

Despite turning eighteen, Michael still felt ten. But, right now he realized he could do whatever he wanted. He could leave the house if he felt like it. Move out and leave the country, even. Yet, with all this freedom, he still felt restricted and like he couldn't do anything.

Maybe because Michael is use to being told what to do. He kind of likes having someone boss him around, unlike most people, because he didn't trust his own decisions. He felt like he was always wrong, and if someone else made his decisions for him, then they're always right and he can trust them.

He sighed and looked at the clock, seeing it was nine in the morning. It was a Saturday, just his luck to have his birthday on the weekend and he still felt like shit. Mainly considering he doesn't ever have a decent birthday. Sometimes they're alright, but that's only when Luke can sneak out and get him a cupcake.

The last few birthdays were spent with them staying up till midnight, eating (before Michael stopped) and joking around to where Michael actually laughed. It's not that Michael doesn't laugh, it's just that he isn't confident and thinks his laugh is really ugly and no one should be forced to hear it.

Michael noticed his phone was lighting up and reluctantly got up. He grabbed it, smiling a bit when seeing it was the three boys wishing him a happy birthday. For once in his life, he didn't just have one person texting. But then he saw Calum's and grumbled because he's still mad at him.

Calum says he's sorry, says he was trying to be a better person for him but he wasn't sure if he believed Calum. The funny thing is, Calum's never actually lied to Michael. Maybe he should believe him and forgive then forget. However, lately he's been too forgiving and ends up getting hurt. He doesn't want to keep being the one who gets betrayed.

Not to mention, his feelings for Calum keep growing. He is having a harder time pushing them away and Calum constantly trying to get to him isn't helping. All the compliments and touches, they're really hard to ignore. He has to hide his smiles and blush, but knows he's failing.

Michael shook his head a bit, getting up and heading towards the shower. He shut the door and turned on the shower, stripping down to his boxers. He looked in the mirror and frowned at his squishy stomach. He doesn't understand. He's barely eaten aside from a small fruit or granola bar each day yet still has a small tummy. 

Michael glanced at the toilet, wondering if he should just throw up again but knew it wasn't safe. He decided to take a shower instead and try to have a decent birthday. The water was slightly cold considering his aunt isn't the best at saving hot water for him. Maybe he deserved a cold shower anyways.

After he got out, he changed into a pair of skinny jeans and a black shirt with a bands name on that he didn't know. It was Luke's and the blonde left it here before. He fixed up his dark fringe, ruffling the dark brown hair and heard a knock on the front door. 

He groaned, walking over and paused when seeing a small breakfast was made. Michael went over and smiled a bit at the note his aunt left, saying happy birthday. She can be nice sometimes, he realized. Michael hesitantly took a few grapes and ate them on his way to the door after throwing out the food. Only cause they're small and healthy.

When he got to the door, he glanced in the peephole and beamed when seeing who it was. Michael eagerly opened the door, giggling when Luke tackled him in a hug. He wrapped his arms around Luke's waist, the blonde tightly hugging around his neck. It was like they haven't seen each other in forever when it's only been a day.

Luke exclaimed happily, kissing Michael's head,"Happy birthday! I got you a present."

Michael grinned, not speaking like usual and just tightened the hug a bit before letting go. Luke went outside, grabbing a bag from the ground where he left it and shut the door then followed Michael to the living room. The place was slightly raggedy and old-looking but in a homey sense.

He sat next to Michael, handing him the bag with a hesitant expression and Michael slowly took it from him. It was in a gift bag and he wondered where Luke got the money to buy him something but decided not to question it. He just found it sweet that Luke came over.

There was a nervous look in Luke's eyes and Michael didn't know why since he always loves what Luke gives him. He just opened the present, eyes widening when taking out a black shirt and unfolded it. A grin appeared on his face, seeing it had an image of Scar from the Lion King on it and that was his favorite movie ever. 

Michael tugged Luke into a hug, saying in his usual quiet voice,"T-Thank you. I - I love it."

"Try it on!" Luke insisted eagerly.

At first Michael was hesitant considering he's really fat but he knew Luke wouldn't judge him. He nodded and took off the shirt that he had one, ignoring Luke's stare and put on the lion one. He tugged it down over his pudgy stomach and smoothed it out. It fit well.

Strangely, he always loved Scar despite him being the bad guy. Because there's always a reason for people doing what they do and Scar had his reasons. He handled them badly, but he didn't deserve to die either and sometimes Michael feels more bad for him instead of Mufasa. 

At least Mufasa died with people loving him, Scar died lonely and hated. Even if what he did was wrong, maybe people should have understood more and tried to realize Scar was just jealous of how amazing his brother was. It was an act of envy and all he wanted was to be as good as his brother, which showed he knew Mufasa had success and he wanted some as well.

Michael knew how that felt. Because Luke is always the favored out of the two. Luke had the looks, the cute voice and the talent. All Michael had was selective mutism and an ugly body along with face. He was nothing compared to Luke, but that doesn't mean he's going to kill him. He'll just admire Luke and try to be as good as him.

When Michael turned to Luke with his shirt on, Luke nodded with a timid smile. He asked curiously,"You've been eating, right Mikey?" 

Michael nodded.

"No, you haven't. I'm meaning more than usual," Luke corrected and stood up. He took Michael's hand and went over to the kitchen. He saw the plate on the table and the note Michael's aunt left. He looked at Michael suspicious and went to the trashcan, opening it and saw the food Michael tossed out.

A frown was on his face and Michael admitted,"I - I ate grapes."

"That's not enough, babe. You need to eat more than that, please? I - I just care about you and I know I haven't been showing that lately, but I do and I will start checking more. You've thrown up a couple types since we found out and it's scaring me," Luke told him honestly, taking Michael's arm and heart broke at how small Michael's getting. Not drasticly, but there's a difference from last year that he can see.

Michael felt guilty, hating that he's making people worry. That's why he didn't want people knowing that he isn't eating, he doesn't like having to see his friends like that. He sighed and shrugged sadly,"Just wanna b-be perfect, Lukey. Like you and - and Ashton and w-wanna be perfect for...Calum."

"If Calum doesn't like you for who you are, then he's not worth it." Luke felt like he couldn't tell Michael what was going to happen later. He needed to keep it a secret and so he simply took Michael's hand and said with a small grin,"But, I'm sure he already likes you."

"N-No, he wouldn't like a - a fat person," Michael retorted, sighing as he looked at his stomach that was thankfully hidden by a black shirt.

Luke scoffed slightly, gripping Michael's chin and lightly lifted it so he was looking at Luke,"Don't say that. The more you say it, the more you believe it. You're beautiful, and I would know that. I've seen you naked, idiot. Don't feel ashamed of your body, everyone has a part of them that they hate, remember? I hate my legs, but I accept them and you should accept your flat stomach and pale skin. Cause, in my opinion, pale skin is actually cute."

"R-Really?" Michael chewed on his nail nervously.

An honest smile formed on Luke's lips,"Really. Now, c'mon. Let's get something to eat. And you will eat at least something, okay? I'm just looking out for you, love."

Of course, Michael didn't like this but he reluctantly grabbed his leather jacket and tugged it on. Luke took his hand and gave it a small squeeze, leading him outside and so the two friends finally spent the day together. After not hanging out for so long, it was nice to catch up even if they saw each other everyday.

For a while Michael didn't eat his food, just watching as Luke did and Luke let him take his time. He insisted they won't leave till Michael ate half his sandwhich and it took a while. Michael ate small, tiny bites ever so often and it somehow led up to half the sandwich being gone and Luke was really proud. 

-

The day with Luke was perfect, they went everywhere. The two hung out at the mall, Luke buying Michael another present with money that Michael was questioning and he got another Lion king sweater they found at a shop in the mall and it was grey with a shape of Simba and the movie name. He felt bad, but Luke wanted him to get it.

Then they went to the park and just sat while listening to music. Michael still didn't like music, he wasn't sure why but he just felt sad when he listened to it. Even if it was happy or upbeat, he felt kind of lost and the music didn't help. Perhaps he's simply in a rut.

Throughout the day, Luke kept texting and Michael thought it was rude. However, he didn't say anything since he figured Luke was just texting Ashton. He didn't know what was up between them but Luke wasn't talking much since he knew Michael felt more comfortable when no one was talking considering he doesn't like it.

It took a lot of puppy eyes and pouting lips, but Luke finally admitted him and Ashton kissed. For some reason, Michael felt a pang in his chest. Not because he didn't like that Luke found someone, but because he was afraid. Afraid that this meant him and Ashton would be together all the time and he'll forget about Michael.

He didn't want to come off as clingy, all he wanted was for Luke to be happy and if that meant him and Ashton were going to be together, then he can deal with it. They made a cute couple, and even if they weren't a couple yet, he knew they were going to be and he'll have to deal with it.

So, he just asked quietly,"A-Are you together?"

"No, we haven't had a chance to talk about it yet," Luke shrugged, but seemed upset by it. "I - I know he likes me cause he told me, but sometimes I just get worried. Like he'll date me and then realize how fucked up my family is. I already told him about everything, but I dunno. I feel like I'm not gonna be enough for him."

Michael frowned, shaking his head and took his hand,"Y-You're perfect."

A small smile formed on Luke's face and he nodded slowly. He hates when people say this, because there's no such thing as perfect. However, it was a nice compliment and he took it proudly. Even if he wished Michael could see how perfect he is, or at least as close as a person can get to that.

Instead of being depressing, Luke got up after receiving a text and Michael let the blonde drag him in confusion. He wasn't going to ask where they were going, Luke wouldn't tell him anyways. So he just followed and after a few minutes, Luke took out a bandanna from where it was tucked in his back pocket and tied it around Micheal's eyes.

Seeing as Michael doesn't talk when he doesn't have to, he just made a whiny sound and smacked Luke's arm as if asking why there was a bandanna on his eyes. Luke just ignored him, holding his hands and walking backwards so he didn't make Michael run into anything. 

Usually Michael would be scared but he knew Luke's hands and he knew his smell of vanilla. So he just nervously followed and tried not to trip over anything. He figured it was some type of birthday surprise, and was feeling anxious yet worried that he may not like it.

Suddenly there was a door opening and Luke was letting go of him. He panicked, trying to reach out for Luke but shrieked when hands grabbed onto his waist. He squirmed but stopped when recognizing the hands and held back a smile when realizing who it was.

"Happy birthday, Michael," Calum said as he untied the bandana and Michael blinked a few times as he adjusted to the light and gaped when seeing what, or rather who was in front of him.

There he was, with light caramel brown hair and tan skin. He had this cute smile that was slightly nervous on his face and pretty brown eyes with hints of hazel and green. Michael felt himself get choked up, feeling overwhelmed when realizing this was definitely Daniel because he had that small scar above his eye that he tried hiding behind his wind-swept hair.

A small nudge was felt from Calum and Michael instantly rushed over and hugged his long-lost best friend from when he was little. Daniel was taller, about the height of Luke and he smelled like some really gross cologne some guys find hot but Michael hugged him tightly and he really didn't want to let go.

The boys were standing around, all watching the two friends reunite and it was the most heart-warming scene ever. Michael sniffled quietly, and Daniel was smiling and it was all so perfect. Because he lost his Daniel. He lost his lion and it was gone forever, but now he was his real one back. Even if it's just temporary.

Michael pulled back, beaming at his friend and Daniel chuckled a bit,"Um, hi. Happy birthday."

"H-Hi," Michael said quietly and well, that's all that needed to be said.

For a while they talked. Well, Daniel talked and Michael just listened intently as they sat on the couch criss-crossed, facing one another. They were at Calum's place and the other three hung out in the kitchen and got the cake ready, trying to give the two friends some time to catch up.

Sadly, Calum did feel a little jealous but Daniel knew that he wanted to ask him out soon and that he had another little surprise to give Michael. Also, apparently Daniel has a girlfriend so he didn't need to worry about them getting together, which was very reassuring.

After a while, Daniel went to the bathroom and Michael walked into the kitchen with a huge grin on his face and tugging at his lion king hoodie. He blushed when the boys looked at him and Michael really deserved it. To be happy and to have a good birthday for once.

Michael turned to Luke,"H-How did you find him? H-How did you even know about him?"

"Oh, I didn't," Luke grinned, and motioned to his left.

Michael's eyes widened, looking at Calum who was sheepishly smiling at him. A surprised expression formed on Michael's face and he asked in aw,"Y-You found him for me? W-Why?"

"I...um, it doesn't matter. I just wanted you to be happy and since you lost your little daniel, I thought I'd find the real one. It took a while but Luke and Ashton helped and I hope you don't hate me. But, I had to tell them about him," Calum said with guilt, hating that he basically betrayed Michael.

But, all he received was a tight hug and the warm of Michael's body. He stumbled slightly, but grinned and accepted the hug gratefully. He ignored Ashton and Luke's teasing faces and just laughed silently. Ashton and Luke glanced at one another and blushed, shyly smiling until Daniel returned.

Michael pulled away from Calum and mouthed a quick 'thank you' then went back to Daniel. Usually Calum would feel offended, but he understood and knew he would have his time with him later. He went back to where the other two were, rolling his eyes at the tension in the room and grabbed their hands then dragged them into the living room.

They played some video games as the two friends chatted, well Calum and Luke played. Ashton was nonchalantly laying on Luke's lap and Luke had his arms around the boy, who was leaned against his chest. He had his chin on Ashton's shoulder, and Calum nearly gagged at how cute that was.

He kept sparing a few glances at Daniel and Michael. He would smile to himself because that was also adorable. He was falling deeper for Michael. Seeing how huge he was smiling, how his eyes lit up whenever Daniel told him about how America was awesome but also stupid and how much he missed him. 

Apparently Daniel had this little elephant that Michael gave him and Michael forgot all about it. He told Michael about how he kept it and had a little picture of them when they were three and playing in mud. It sounded weird, but Calum also found that cute as well and he kind of wanted a friend from his childhood but he never had one.

Sadly, it was around time for Daniel to leave and Michael was nearly in tears. He pleaded as they stood by the door, hugging tightly,"J-Just move back, p - please? M - Move in with me?"

"I wish I could," Daniel chuckled sadly, and the three boys felt their hearts break at the goodbye. "I have your number now, remember? And so do the others if you ever lose it. I promise I'll call you whenever I can. I'm really sorry, I wish I could stay longer, I really do."

It took Luke to pull Michael away, and Daniel gave a reluctant wave goodbye as he went into his parents car who vaguely remember Michael. But, he didn't care. He just wanted to see his friend some more, a few hours wasn't long enough to reunite after ten years of not seeing each other.

He slumped into the couch and frowned. The boys tried cheering him up, Ashton gave Michael his present and that made a small smile form on his face when seeing it was the 3-disc Lion King DVD set. He thanked Ashton with a hug and sighed a bit, opening the set and it was nice, since he always has to watch it whenever it comes on TV.

But, then he just went sad again. Calum felt mad, wondering if he should have just never invited Daniel. It took a lot of money, planning and calls to finally call Daniel and get him across the world. He had to beg his dad, to tell him why and it made him feel bad for betraying Michael. But, Michael really never said not to tell anyone. Besides, he got Daniel to Australia and that was amazing. 

Suddenly, Calum was grabbing Michael's hand and gave him a small smile as he tugged the boy up. Michael was confused, but followed him upstairs. He noticed Luke and Ashton's knowing expressions and felt sort of nervous, chewing on his bottom lip as he went into Calum's room and was sat on his bed.

Calum went somewhere and Michael waited, looking at his the Lion King DVD's with a grin. He really loved the movies more than anything, they made him smile and laugh and cry. It was strange to say he had a crush on Kovu in the Lion King 2. He just thought he was a cute lion and that sounds weird, but whatever. Cartoon crushes are the worst.

A click was heard and Michael's eyes widened when seeing Calum walk in with a guitar. But, not just any guitar. It was the one he saw with Luke so long ago. He looked at Calum, who timidly smiled and grabbed a rolling chair from his desk. He moved so he was in front of Michael and their knees were touching.

Calum told him awkwardly,"Um, you like the Lion King, right? And well, Luke told me how much you love this song. And I stayed up all night last night, which wasn't hard since I barely sleep anyways, and I tried getting the chords and lyrics right. But, anyways, I hope this isn't weird...I just thought it would be nice even if I'm not the best singer."

Michael looked at him with a blank expression and that made Calum more nervous but he just played the first chords and Michael watched his hands intensely as he held a guitar pick and smiled a bit. He felt butterflies fill his stomach, realizing Calum was playing him a song. Not just any song, but his favorite one from his favorite movie.

"T-The sweet caress of twilight, there's magic everywhere and with all this romantic atmosphere. Disaster's in the air, can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings, the world for once in perfect harmony with all its living things," Calum sang slightly shaky, but soon felt a bit more confident when seeing Michael smiling at him.

He cleared his throat a bit, shyly looking at the boy and continued,"So many things to tell him, but how to make him see...The truth about my past, impossible. He'd turn away from me. He's holding back, he's hiding. But what, I can't decide. Why won't he be the king I know he is? The king I see inside?"

Michael sheepishly looked down, nervously fiddling with his fingers as he took in Calum's beautiful voice. How soft and sweet it sounded, the way it would crack a bit and somehow that was really attractive to Michael. He was just so perfect, never could Michael find a flaw that made Calum unattractive. All his flaws just made Michael like him more, somehow.

Soon the song was ending, and Calum sang while staring right at Michael. His voice was gentle and honest, his eyes holding a familiar feeling and it sent small shivers down his spine,"And if he feels the love tonight in the way I do. It's enough for this restless wanderer..Just to be with you."

Calum took a shaky breath, setting the guitar flat on his lap and nervously went to speak. Before he could, Michael quickly gripped his shoulder and leaned forward, pressing his lips to Calum's. The action took him by surprise and when he went to kiss back, Michael was pulling away and it was a small, chaste kiss but it meant so much to Calum.

Michael blushed fiercely, brushing his fingers on his lip and said with a small panic,"I-I'm sorry. I didn't...I just thought that um. I'm so stupid, I-I'm sorry!"

"No, it's fine," Calum assured quickly, smiling a bit at Michael's feared expression. As if he thought Calum didn't feel the same. He told him honestly,"I...I like you, idiot. You just caught me off guard. I kind of thought I'd be the one kissing you first, but yeah um. I got you this guitar, for your birthday."

"N-No, I can't. You already p-payed for Daniel," Michael frowned, but Calum insisted so he took the guitar and he smiled as he placed it by the door. He turned to Calum and he asked hesitantly,"C-Can we watch Lion King?"

Calum nodded with a grin, taking his DVD and put it in the player. He knew Ashton and Luke already left, because they knew his plan and so they're probably making out or avoiding each other cause they're idiots. But, he was more concerned over how to act with Michael.

After the movie was put in, he crawled up next to Michael and caught the boy off guard by kissing him. Michael squeaked in surprise, but giggled quietly as he tried kissing back. He's not very experienced and well, Calum is. But, Calum just smiled and kept it nice, slow and short. His hand lightly placed on Michael's cheek, thumb gently brushing against the soft skin.

He pulled back and saw how Michael's green eyes practically sparkled. It was adorable and Michael was slightly embarrassed as he asked,"W-Was I bad? I'm s-sorry."

"No, you're just really cute," Calum assured, not sure how to talk to a boy. Cause, he's only flirted and kissed girls. So, he was hoping it was the same. It must be, since Michael had the same reaction as a girl would and buried his red face in Calum's chest. As Calum pressed play to the movie, he said awkwardly,"I've never actually seen the Lion King before."

Michael's head shot up, gaping at Calum,"Excuse you?"

"You didn't stutter," Calum noticed and grinned a bit. 

Michael pouted, and just shook his head as he insisted Calum watched the movie. And they had a marathon that night, watching all three parts and they stayed up for hours. When it was around eleven, the movie was over and Michael had tears in his eyes when Mufasa died, even Calum got choked up but he wasn't the type to cry over things like that. He knew others who do, though.

Even though Calum said Michael could stay the night, Michael was self-conscious with that and so Calum drove him home and wanted to kiss him goodbye. But, he felt like that was wrong and just gave him a quick hug.

He asked quietly, chewing on his bottom lips nervously,"Um, do you wanna go on a date tomorrow? It's okay if you don't. I just thought maybe since we like each other and stuff, then maybe it could be fun but it may be too soon. I don't know how this works. I'm use to asking out girls."

"Oh, u-uh. Okay, w-where are we going?" Michael smiled when Calum played with his fingers, not looking at him.

He shrugged and his confidence came back as he winked at the shorter boy,"It's a surprise. I know it's not your dream date, but I think you'll like it. I hope anyways. But, um, happy birthday and goodnight, Michael."

He received a small kiss on the cheek and Michael grinned as he gave him a wave goodbye. He waited till Calum drove off safely and Michael went inside. He let out a small squeal, then eagerly went into his room and placed his guitar by the door, his movies on his desk and changed before laying in bed.

He stared at the ceiling, Calum's voice on replay in his head and he wondered why Calum never bothered to go into singing. Because he was so perfect and it was like honey, so smooth and sweet. He could remember each crack in his voice, each time he stuttered as he sang and he messed up some chords, but that just made it more perfect in his mind.

Suddenly there was a beep and Michael yawned, grabbing his phone and chuckled at the small selfie Calum sent him. He wanted to send one back, but he didn't want to break Calum's phone so he simply texted back and then saw Daniel texted him a couple hours ago while they were watching the movies.

Finally, Michael had the best birthday ever. He kissed his crush, his crush sang to him and they watched his favorite movies. Luke and him had a great day together, Ashton was a sweetheart and bought him a really expensive DVD collection and his crush also paid for his old best friend to visit on his birthday.

He didn't think Calum liked him, let alone would do all that. Maybe Luke would have, but he didn't have the money to. Now Michael was feeling like he was on top of the world. He couldn't wait till tomorrow, hoping the date would go well.

The rest of the night consisted of Michael and Calum texting. But, then Michael fell asleep and Calum was texting him still, leaving compliments and cute pick up lines. Considering he didn't go to bed till four, he still woke up at six and maybe his insomnia sucks. But, it had it's benefits as Michael grinned at all the texts he received when he woke up the next morning.


	20. Chapter 20

Basically, Calum was shitting himself. He was nervous and didn't know why considering he's been on tons of dates. He's had three girlfriends in the passed, if Maya even counts since they weren't really together. But, just the thought of messing up the date made him freak out.

Maybe it's because this is his first time with a guy, doing anything gay-related. Aside from kissing Michael, he's never even hugged a guy much. All his teammates and 'friends' would say that's gay and so he wasn't use to be affectionate. He didn't know what Michael wanted or expected to happy.

The date was planned and Calum was afraid that Michael might hate it. He figured Michael would like it at the same time though, it just depends on how Michael feels about the certain situation and what's going to happen. It won't be too romantic but not boring either. At least, not in his mind.

All his other dates were cliche. He's done the movies, skating, picnics, and so on. And it's not that he doesn't like those ideas, but he wanted the date to fit Michael. So, he spent the day before Michael's birthday making sure Daniel was in town and then he planned the date just in case Michael said yes.

There's exactly twenty three minutes until Calum needs to be at Michael's and picking him up. He had to convince his dad to let him go out since he's been in trouble since his grades are bad but luckily his dad let him go. Calum nervously looked at his clothes, holding them up to Luke and Ashton. 

They were over to help him with the nerves and give him some tips. At first Luke wasn't fond of the idea of him taking Michael out but then he saw how scared Calum was. He felt like a complete loser, getting freaked out over a silly date that should go fine.

The shirts he held were a flannel, a fancy grey button up and then a nice, casual grey graphic t-shirt. Ashton scoffed and went over, snatching the clothes and tossed them in the closet. Calum didn't mind since his closet is a mess anyways and he couldn't care less if it was dirty.

Ashton raised an eyebrow at the twenty million shoes Calum had and shook his head as he motioned for Luke to come over. Luke was instantly to his feet and rushing over, mumbling with Ashton as they went through the clothes. Calum nearly laughed cause they were acting like girls, but he just shrugged it off because they're being nice and helping him.

Honestly, Calum doesn't think he deserves all of this. They were so nice to him even though he was a jerk. And right now, Calum was also freaking out since he doesn't know if he wants to hold hands or be romantic in public. He isn't even sure if he's gay or bisexual or confused. But he did know he definitely has feelings for Michael.

Suddenly a shirt was tossed at him and Calum jumped, glancing at the grey and ripped joy division tank top. He frowned a bit because he thought it wouldn't be good to wear for a date. But, Ashton motioned for him to try it on and Calum stripped his shirt off and tugged on the tank top.

Luke walked up to him and ruffled his hair questionably while trying to fluff it,"Don't worry, Michael prefers bad boys. The ripped shirt would definitely catch his attention. If you wore a button up shirt, you'd be trying too hard. And the flannel just would be too casual."

"This," Ashton motioned to his ripped shirt with a grin. "Will definitely make it seem like you thought about it, but then decided 'fuck it' and voila! Now you look like yourself. A bad ass but also a sweet person deep down."

"It's a shirt, not a fucking book," Calum rolled his eyes and shook his head as he grabbed his hair spray and quickly sprayed his fringe. He ran his fingers through it, making a small quiff and hesitated as he turned to the boys. He went to ask something but second-guessed himself.

Ashton noticed and sighed,"Calum, if you wanna ask us something then go ahead. We're not gonna judge you."

"Um, h-how do I act? Like, is it the same as going on a date with a girl? Should I open doors for him or something? Should I just take him where I wanted to or do we hang out for a bit first? Fuck, I sound like an idiot," Calum groaned and rubbed his face in frustration.

Luke snorted,"Dude, just cause he's a guy doesn't mean you treat him like a friend. You're on a date. Treat him like he's your date and make sure you give him all your attention. Michael really likes it when people don't talk a lot, though. Which I'm sure you know that. But maybe take him out to eat, he needs to start eating more anyways."

"Hey, actually maybe you should talk to him a lot, though," Ashton retorted, giving Luke a small smile as if saying sorry for making his opinion. Calum looked at him in confusion and Ashton shrugged,"It'd be nice if you talked to him more cause then you can try to let him get to know you. That's what a dates for anyways. It might make him more comfortable with talking too."

Calum nodded slowly, feeling his phone vibrate and let out a small breath of relief when seeing it was Michael. He texted that he was on his way and glanced at the two boys,"Um, thanks guys. Michael's ready so I think I should head out. Want me to drop you guys off at home?"

They glanced at each other and Calum already knew they were just going to hang out at Luke's judging by their expressions. He nodded and chuckled a bit. Calum quickly grabbed a thin jacket and tugged it on. He pocketed his wallet and phone, following the boy downstairs.

Before he could go outside, he nearly had a heart attack as Luke grabbed onto him. He thought Luke was in the car with Ashton but was wrong as the blonde said quietly,"Michael's my friend, okay? And that means if you hurt him, I will beat the shit out of you. I...I trust you, Calum. Sometimes I wonder if you're just toying with us, but I hope you're not. Just - Michael likes you a lot and you better make his first date special. Got it?"

Calum mumbled a small 'got it' and let out a huff as Luke went towards the car. After a second, Calum followed and locked the door as he went to the drivers seat. Luke and Ashton were in the back, chatting quietly and a pair of blue eyes met his brown ones in the mirror with a knowing look.

Luke wasn't trying to be a jerk, he's just scared. Firstly, this is Michael's first date and he knew his friend was nervous because he texted him all day before Luke went to Calum's. He could tell Michael was worried. He kept asking questions and Luke wasn't sure how to respond to them considering he's barely dated anyone as well.

When they got to his place, him and Ashton got out and both wished him luck. As he drove off, the two went inside Luke's house and were relieved that his parents weren't home. Eversince Ashton knew about Luke's horrifying past, he was more afraid to go to his house and scared of what might happen.

They could have went to Ashton's, but his mum doesn't like Luke all that much and they figured his parents wouldn't be home. Luke's were out for the weekend, allowing them to be home alone and that meant more privacy. Not that they needed privacy or anything.

But maybe they did, because right when they went into the bedroom there was a sudden tension. Luke and Ashton stood there, standing in front of each other and occasionally looking at each other awkwardly. Luke had no idea what took over him, but suddenly his lips were on Ashton's and they were lying on the bed, making out.

Ashton was a really good kisser, he always knew where to put his hands and he was just putty in Luke's hands. Always following the blonde's lead, letting him take control as Luke's tongue explored Ashton's mouth. He occasionally pulled away to take a breath, licking his lips before kissing Ashton once again.

At first it was just nice and slow. Luke didn't know if he should like kissing a person so much, but he did and Ashton didn't seem to mind as he kept trying to pull Luke closer. He tasted like mints and chocolate and his lips were soft and just felt so perfect with Luke's.

After what seemed like hours but was only twenty minutes, Ashton lightly pushed Luke away and breathed out with a small giggle,"L-Luke, um we should probably do something else."

A frown formed on Luke's lips as he hesitantly sat up,"What do you mean? Did you not like kissing me or something? Fuck, you don't, do you? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I just thought since - since we um, already kissed before than we could like, do it again? Wow, I sound stupid."

"No! No, that's not it." Ashton fiddled with his fingers and Luke went to speak but then the boy spoke up again,"I don't date, okay? I don't want to date. I do but I don't. You're kind of confusing me? I never thought I could like someone after Bradley and then you showed up and I've liked you for so long. But then you would flirt with me and then ignore me. And then you flirted with Mitch a lot."

Luke frantically shook his head,"No, I like you. I promise, I kind of have for so long and I didn't think it would work so I went to Mitch cause well, he liked me? But, I told him I liked you and we just made out that one time at the park as a joke. It was stupid and dumb, but I'm obviously trying to ignore him. Please don't give up on me, bug."

"Did you just call me bug?" Ashton snorted, giving him a humorous look.

A blush coated Luke's cheeks and he whined,"It slipped out!"

"Sure it did."

"Shut up."

"Shut up," Ashton mimicked childishly and smiled when Luke covered his face in embarrassment. He scooted closer, taking Luke's hands from his eyes and beamed at him,"It was cute. But um, maybe we should talk about this later? I want to hang out with you now. Not worrying about labels and stuff, okay?"

And of course Luke agreed. It was nice and they simply laid on the bed and Luke told him how he finally finished the Outsiders after everything that happened. He took a break when he met Mitch, but he recently finished it and they chatted about it for a while.

Sadly, Luke doesn't have much in his house. However, that's not exactly a bad thing. It meant they could talk about everything and nothing, Occasionally they kept looking at each other's lips as they talked, as if wanting to kiss again though never went for it and just stared longingly.

When Luke asked about Bradley, Ashton seemed scared to talk about him. Because Luke likes him and it doesn't seem right to talk about an ex-boyfriend to your crush and sort of current boyfriend. But Luke insisted, saying that Bradley makes him happy and so he shouldn't be upset or afraid to talk about him.

Ashton told him with a small smile,"He was just really sweet. He was such a confident person and that's what confused me since he was secretly insecure. He always tried to help me and we use to go to parties together and a lot of people would tease me. But, Bradley would stand up for me. He...he reminds me of you."

"Me? No, I'm really not that sweet, I'm kind of a jerk sometimes," Luke admitted sadly, glancing down at Ashton's arm that was covered with a sleeve from his jacket. He paused before lightly rolling the sleeve up and nonchalantly make sure there wasn't any fresh cuts and there weren't.

Ashton tensed but let Luke check his arms and he retorted with a frown,"See? You're so modest. Constantly trying to insult yourself when you shouldn't. You're my hero, Lukey. You help and save people. You make me smile and laugh and you make mistakes. But, that just makes you even more amazing in my eyes."

Those words caused Luke's heart to stutter, his eyes staring right into Ashton's sincere ones. He leaned in, wanting to press his lips to Ashton's parted ones. Before he could, there was a loud slam from the front door and he heard a crash, causing the two to jump up.

Ashton looked at Luke in a panic and Luke grabbed onto him, trying to help him out of the window. But, the ladder wasn't there and Ashton clung onto Luke as he went back inside before he could slip. As Luke shut his window, he hesitated and grabbed Ashton's hand then led him out of the room quietly.

He could hear his dad shouting and slamming things. Ashton was practically shaking, afraid of being hit and afraid of Luke being hurt as well. He tried being strong for Luke, because he's been through far more than Ashton.But then Luke's dad called his name with a shout and Ashton gripped onto Luke's shirt.

Luke didn't even seem scared at all, just more worried about getting Ashton out of the house. He ignored his dad, knowing the consequences however he simply helped Ashton downstairs and right when he got to the door, his shirt was grabbed onto and he let go of Ashton as he was roughly shoved.

Ashton gasped, glaring at Luke's dad and shouted,"What the fuck, let him go!"

"A-Ashton just leave, I'm fine!" Luke assured, giving him a timid smile. 

Luke's dad scoffed, scowling at Ashton,"So you're the boy who my pathetic excuse of a son is infatuated with! Get the hell out before I show you how he gets treated here, faggot. Unless you wanna beating too, I suggest leaving. Wouldn't want him getting gayer."

A hesitant look crossed his face and Luke narrowed his eyes, coughing slightly at how his shirt was tugged and choking him a bit,"Babe, please. I'll be okay, we'll be okay."

Their promise resurfaced and Ashton hated himself. He hated that he left Luke in that house, knowing what was going to happen and he hated how Luke was treated like shit. He hated hearing Luke getting hit from outside the door and he sobbed quietly on his way home. 

When he got in the house, he remembered the pleading expression on Luke's face, one saying to let him get hit and Ashton did just that. Not wanting to, but being afraid of what might have happened if he stayed. And then he began hating himself physically with a piece of metal he tried not to rely on, however he still does.

-

Meanwhile, two hours earlier, Calum was waiting outside Michael's house with his hands stuffed in his pocket. He already knocked, waiting patiently on the porch and chewed on his bottom lip nervously. He glanced at his phone and checked the time, but then the door was opening.

When Calum looked up from his phone, his eyes widened when seeing Michael's hair. He nearly choked, noticing it was a bright green color. Literally. It was neon and flashing and he didn't expect that. That's for sure. Michael blushed, looking down and he was wearing black skinny jeans and a black love sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Michael frowned,"Y-You hate my hair."

"No! No, it's very...different," Calum hesitated, not sure what to say. He definitely doesn't hate it at all. It was just out of no where and he didn't know how to take it in. But he saw how embarrassed Michael was and added with a small smile,"I should call you green apple, now."

A small laugh left the boy, so quiet and innocent. It was adorable, really. That definitely broke the ice and Calum walked with MIchael to the car, hesitating before opening the door for him and Michael seem surprised but thanked him with a smile as he got into the passenger side.

As usual, the ride to the date was rather quiet. Michael ended up rolling his sleeves down, hiding his arms and chewing on the end of his sleeve nervously. He was worried about this date. He knew he would have to talk. That's what a date is for and he wanted it to go perfectly, but he almost had an anxiety attack early in the morning cause he kept thinking of all the ways the date could go wrong.

Not only that, but the kisses kept replaying in his mind from when his birthday yesterday. He hid a smile behind his hand, thinking about how nice it felt and he wanted to do it more. But he was probably the worst kisser ever and Calum may have felt bad and asked him out from pity.

And there goes his insecurities again.

He sighed, eyes widening when noticing they pulled into the mall. Michael tensed, heart rapidly beating because he doesn't like the mall. The mall consists of a lot of people and crowded shops. He swallowed a nervous lump in his throat, seeing Calum getting out of the car and helping him out as well.

When Calum helped him out, he frowned cause Michael was paler than normal. As he went to speak, Michael just grinned as if saying he's okay. At first Calum didn't believe him but then he sighed and they headed inside. Michael was confused as to why they were there, however decided not to question it.

As soon as they went into the mall, it felt like a smack in the face. Michael constantly tugged at his sleeves, cringing when people were close to him and he tried to hide it. Because it's a date and he wanted to be with Calum and he didn't want to be rude, asking to leave.

So, he tried getting through it. Knowing they would stop somewhere eventually. But then someone stumbled into Michael, who frantically grabbed onto Calum and blushed when they almost fell. Caum frowned,"You alright? I thought we could go to Maccas or something, get some food."

"Oh, u-um," Michael felt his stomach grumble and wrapped his arms around himself to hide it.

He wasn't hungry, his body was but he isn't. However, he nodded slowly and he wanted Calum not to think he's a wimp or something. No one wants to date an anorexic/bulimic person. He could just hide it. He can do that. No one has to worry about him as long as they think he's eating.

Calum saw he was shaking a bit, and he took Michael's hand. His skin was slightly cold and his small fingers linked with Calum's normal ones. On the way to the food court, people stared. At first Calum tried ignoring it, but he didn't like how people kept looking at them and was constantly checking to see if people from school were around.

It was rude and wrong. He shouldn't care if he was caught with Michael, it's not right. But he was. He cared and it sucked but that's reality. He's not trying to care, but he does. He cared that people would tease him, that they may hate on Michael and bully him. That people will call him gay and that made him nonchalantly take his hand from Michael as they waited in line.

Thankfully, Michael didn't seem to care and assumed it was just cause his hands were sweating slightly. After ordering their food, Michael didn't like it. He sat across from Calum and awkwardly poked around his salad while Calum messily ate his burger and chips.

Michael struggled, wanting to eat but just couldn't. He smiled timidly as Calum talked about his family. He thought it was sweet, that Calum had a nice sister though she was away in university. He tried listening to Calum, however the food in front of him took all his attention.

Finally, he interrupted the boy and asked quietly,"C-Can you get me a water?"

"Course, be right back," Calum grinned and got up from his seat after wiping his mouth and taking some of his trash to throw away.

Michael watched him for a second, making sure he couldn't see and then he quickly went to the trash can and tossed out ninety percent of his salad. He sneakily went back to the table and made sure there was no ranch on his food he left, casually taking a small bite of his salad that was left.

Calum returned with a water bottle and handed it to Michael, who beamed and took a sip. Calum raised an eyebrow at Michael's food,"I knew you were hungry! I'm proud of you, love."

Michael blushed at the name, sheepishly nodding as he quietly ate the very little bit left of his salad for something to go in his stomach. He grimaced internally at the food going down his throat, instantly feeling full after very little. His body was so use to not eating that it basically rejected anything he swallowed but he forced himself so Calum would think he ate.

Sadly, Calum wanted to hear Michael talk. He kept asking questions an Michael would nod or shake his head. But then he started asking questions that didn't involve yes or no. Michael hated that but he also liked it. That Calum asked him and wanted to get to know him.

Not to mention, he listened. He would look right at Michael, which made him nervous but feel loved. He would nod as Michael spoke, smiling and frowning when necessary and Michael stuttered like crazy when he spoke. However, Calum didn't seem to mind and would furrow his eyebrows as he tried hearing his quiet voice which Michael thought was cute.

They talked about music, and Michael started to like it now. He didn't hate it anymore because Calum was so soft with his voice and strummed his guitar and he got Michael a fucking guitar. And maybe music can be there thing. He could see how passionate Calum was about his bands and singers he enjoyed and that passion made Michael realize music was like a gift that everyone has or loves.

It wasn't long till they headed out of the food court. Michael was sad, thinking that was the date but then Calum took his hand and led him towards the escalator going upstairs. Michael held onto Calum, closing his eyes as he tried to imagine being somewhere else where he wasn't basically pressed against people. Calum smiled and had his arm lightly around his waist.

Soon they were on the second floor and Michael shyly moved from Calum, though stayed somewhat close. He knew Calum was still getting use to the whole 'liking a guy' thing and still wasn't sure why Calum even liked him. However, his thoughts were forced away as Calum led him towards a store and his eyes widened when Calum grinned and motioned to where they were;

Build-A-Bear Workshop

Michael wasn't sure if he should laugh, smile or blush. So he did all three and Calum pouted as he exclaimed,"I thought it was cute! Stooppp laughhinngg."

Michael giggled and saw the embarrassed look on Calum's face. He felt bad and said with a smile,"I- I like it."

"Really? I just um, I thought we could make you one? Since you lost Daniel the person and the lion, then we can make you a new one together. Not as a replacement but like a new start. Wow, I sound so fucking stupid. Ugh," Calum groaned, wondering if it was a mistake.

But a hand laced with his, a squeeze felt and he looked next to him seeing Michael's happy expression. So they went inside and there wasn't many people aside from a couple little kids and some parents. They were greeted and told what to do, then left alone to make their bear.

Calum was happy to see a couple lion shells (unstuffed animals) left. He made sure the one they had was nice and then saw a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle section. Calum got a Michael Angelo one for himself and Michael was like a little kid, eager to stuff the animal. 

A lady came over to work the machine as Michael held the bear as the shell of the animal was filled with stuffing. Calum watched him in amusement, talking for Michael when the lady chatted. She seemed confused when he spoke but didn't say anything and just continued conversing with them.

After the animal was stuffed, she asked if they wanted a recording and Michael grinned as he looked at Calum hopefully. He nodded and the lady said,"You can get a pre-recording or make your own."

"Uh," Calum glanced at Michael.

Michael pouted and tugged at his shirt,"R-Record something?"

Calum looked at her and she knew to get the little box. He sighed and knew that dating Michael will definitely be a struggle, already so whipped. But he doesn't mind spoiling as long as Michael didn't take advantage of it and he knew that wouldn't happen. If he said no, Michael wouldn't have asked again and simply nod.

When she came back, she told them how to work it and then gave them a second to record it. Calum didn't know what to record and Michael suggested sheepishly,"C-Can you feel the love tonight? Sing i-it?"

"We're in public," Calum mumbled in embarrassment, knowing he would have to be sort of loud so the recording picked up his voice.

Michael sighed sadly,"O-Okay."

At first Calum was just gonna record something else. But Michael's sad expression had him reluctantly press the button and he sang softly, knowing he had limited time and Michael grinned when hearing his voice,"If he feels the love tonight in the way I do...It's enough for this restless wanderer just to be with you."

Michael blushed and bit his lip to hold back a smile. Calum knew it was work embarrassing himself considering Michael looked like a huggable kitten. The lady finished up the bear, and she showed them the clothes. Michael held onto Calum's arm as they looked around.

They decided it was a boy, so they went over to the boy's side and Calum awkwardly picked up a few clothes. There were underwear, socks, shoes -- everything. It was weird. But, Michael seemed to like it as he eagerly held up a batman costume that Calum thought was adorable and silly all at once.

It was sixteen dollars, though.

He nodded despite the expensive price but then Michael also found a shredder costume from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Calum saw how he wanted both, yet was trying to decide which one to get since he knew they were expensive. Calum motioned for him to get both and Michael frowned.

"T-Too much," Michael shook his head, knowing that the bear alone was over twenty dollars.

But Calum snatched them lightly and grinned as he went over to the computers. Michael hesitantly followed, sitting in the other one and they did the forms, which was ridiculous and like they had a real kid. After filling everything out, they just needed a name.

"M-Malum," Michael suggested. He saw Calum's confused look and admitted,"O-Our ship name."

Calum chuckled, sneaking a quick kiss on the cheek,"That's cute."

So they finished it all up, paying for everything and the bear was placed in a box that was like a little house. Michael cringed at the amount of money Calum spent. It's only their first date yet Calum did all of this. Food, almost a hundred dollars on a stuffed animal and there was always a chance they wouldn't have gotten together.

Of course, Calum planned on asking. He just waited, getting in the car with Michael and drove to Michael's place. He grimaced when Michael squeezed the bear, hearing his own voice sing. It wasn't good in his opinion, but Michael's green eyes lit up and he smiled.

By the time they got to Michael's place, it was almost nine and Michael was already tired. So was Calum, who could barely keep his eyes opened. He yawned, trying to hide it but Michael saw and looked a him in concern. Calum just smiled and parked in Michael's driveway.

He unbuckled, getting out and going with Michael to the porch after helping him with the box for their Malum bear. He insisted it was just Michael's, a gift. But, Michael wanted it to be theirs since it's their ship name and of course, Calum wouldn't argue with him.

Calum awkwardly said,"I - I had a nice time."

Michael nodded with a grin, as if saying me too.

And yeah, Calum just went for it,"Um, I know it's just our first date and everything. But, I kind of...I just really like you and I know I'm new to being...whatever the hell I am - gay? - but I was hoping if you wanted to, then we could like get together and you could be my boyfri-"

He was cut off as Michael quickly kissed him, nodding eagerly,"Y-Yes."

Calum chuckled and he leaned down, lifting Michael's chin and pressed his lips to the boys. It was only one word, but it was a lot to Michael. He barely spoke that night and knowing that all he had to do was nod, yet he spoke, was a lot for both of them and Calum was happy to be dating Michael.

After they kissed for a minute or so, Michael simply copying whatever Calum did and following his lead, he then went inside. He watched Calum drive away and then went to his room with a stupid lovesick grin on his face. He laid in bed, squeezing his new lion teddy bear named Malum and listened to his boyfriends voice sing his favorite song over and over again. And he was happy.


	21. Chapter 21

The spelling bee was in a few minutes and Ashton was pacing back and forth, his fourteen year old self panicking with a hint of stage fright he could never get over. He flipped through his flashcards, trying to remember the spelling of some words he constantly forgot and it was hard studying by himself.

Usually Ashton would have his mum help but since Harry had his first day of school, she was more worried about him and Ashton was on his own often considering his dad worked. He sighed, frowning and saw other kids with their parents. The only person who really tried helping him study was -

"Ashton!"

He turned, smiling as Bradley rushed over with a grin. Ashton blushed as the boy pulled him into a hug. He hesitantly hugged back, sighing contently at his comforting embrace. Bradley was the only one who cared about him enough to help. Spelling bees were stupid in Bradley's opinion, but if Ashton liked them then he helped and supported him.

As a man walked around saying two minutes left, Ashton nervously pulled away from Bradley. He was practically sweating, tugging at his sweaters sleeves and looked like he wanted to throw up, which he kind of did. A sheepish smiled formed on his face as Bradley fixed his glasses for him. 

Bradley said with a grin, bright blue braces showing,"Don't be nervous! It's okay, you'll be fine. And when you win, we'll go and get some ice cream. Butter pecan, cause I know it's your favorite and I'll even pay for you."

"I - I won't win, I can't even remember how to spell onomatopoeia, that's a word! I bet I'm gonna end up having it too, just my luck, right?" Ashton paced slightly, halting when Bradley grabbed his arm and he frowned. "I know I'm overreacting but I just want to win. My mum's going to hate me if I lose again."

"Your mum's not even here," Bradley pointed out sympathetically. "But, I am and I know you will win. I can just tell, because if you don't then fuck everything. You're the best and always will be."

Ashton's heart sped up, the contestants being called on stage and he turned back to Bradley with a worried expression though nodded slowly. He gave him a small smile and went to leave, but suddenly Bradley grabbed his arm and pressed his lips to Ashton quickly, a small peck.

He explained shyly,"For luck, not that you need it."

And yeah, Ashton giggled like an idiot as he stumbled on stage like an idiot. He kept turning back and Bradley would still be smiling with a small blush on his cheek. Ashton sat on his seat, sighing and soon the spelling bee bean. The luck Bradley gave him was definitely needed and Ashton won not only the spelling bee, but a new boyfriend as they went out for ice cream.

A loud ringing was heard, Ashton blinking his eyes open and frowning as he realized it wasn't a dream, but a memory. He reached over to his phone, turning off the alarm and felt tears glaze his eyes as he reached in his shirt to take out the locket tucked in. He likes to wear it to sleep, so he can dream of Bradley since that's the only way he can see him now.

Instead of dawning on about someone who's gone, he decided to ignore the memory. But then, Ashton didn't know how to feel as he sat up and winced as his pajamas rubbed against his thigh. He knew Luke would be able to see his arm, but he wouldn't think to look on his thighs. That's the sad part about self-harm, people don't check the thighs.

He got up, stretching and rubbed his eyes sleepily. He figured he should make sure Luke is okay this morning, he didn't want him to think Ashton didn't care. Because Ashton regrets not staying and standing up for Luke. But he froze, panicked and now Luke is probably crying in bed and not wanting to leave.

Ashton moved to his closet, grabbing his Weekend Warrior sleeveless shirt again. To make Luke think he didn't relapse and the butterflies were still there, which made him feel bad. Technically they're still alive, but they're dead to Ashton because he cut himself even though he promised to try to get better.

He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it a bit so it had a messy sense to it and he texted Luke, asking if he was okay and wanted to walk to school. Ashton grabbed his bag and headed downstairs, frowning when looking at the walls of the hallway. There were so many awards and certificates and ribbons from science fairs, spelling bees like the one where Bradley kissed him, and attendance records.

The thing is, despite Ashton being sick he would be forced to go to school. Ashton's not allowed to miss a day no matter what and he hates that. When he went to school sick, his mum would make sure he 'looked' better so he wouldn't be sent back and Ashton remembered one time he even fell asleep in class. It was embarrassing.

He shook his head and felt his phone vibrate meaning he got a text. Concern was on his face as he saw Luke said he wouldn't be going to school today. When he went to text back asking why, his phone was snatched away and he looked up to see his dad glaring and walking away, tossing the phone in a drawer.

Ashton asked in disbelief,"What are you doing?!"

"You have been constantly staying out late and not coming home for hours, we need to focused. Exams are coming up and so are report cards. We don't need you getting distracted because of some boy you're seeing," His dad grumbled, slamming the drawer shut and Ashton scoffed. "Don't worry, you will get it back if you get a good grade on your test today."

At first Ashton wanted to protest and say no, but he reluctantly nodded because he needs to be good. To obey and do as said or else life would be hell. He simply said goodbye and left, heading to school on his own. He was afraid of why Luke wasn't going to be there, though. If he was so hurt physically that he couldn't make it through the day.

He didn't even want to think of what that man did to Luke. But he knew he needed to worry and the only way he could that is if he tries to help this time. He wanted so badly to help Luke, to be the one saving him as well. However, he didn't know how and that was the problem.

Meanwhile, Michael was already at school and sitting on the bench outside waiting for Calum. He nervously held a Starbucks drink in his hand, knowing Calum would be tired. He should try to talk to Calum about his sleeping, however at the moment he just wants to be a good boyfriend.

It's still shocking that he's even with Calum. They just got together yesterday but it's still amazing to Michael. Knowing Calum is his now, that he can kiss him and hug him and just be with him. Still, Michael is scared he'll mess something up. Which is why he got Calum a drink to try and be the perfect boyfriend for him. Show him that he cares and that he'll do anything he can to help Calum.

Michael nervously chewed on the end of his sleeve as he watched some people walk into the school. He smiled when seeing Ashton, giving him a small wave and Ashton just smiled timidly as he walked in. Michael watched him walk inside with furrowed eyebrows, wondering what's wrong but didn't have time to think as Calum's car pooled into the parking lot.

At first Michael hesitated but then he got up and nervously walked over. He sheepishly waited for Calum to get out of the car, stepping back and noticed Calum didn't see him yet Michael tapped his shoulder lightly, Calum turning in confusion as Michael shyly kissed him and handed the drink.

Calum was surprised and taken back by the kiss but grinned,"Oh, um, good morning. What's this?"

"D-Drink called Dead-Eye," Michael said simply, motioning for him to take a sip.

When Calum did as told, he coughed and grimaced at the strong taste. Michael giggled and Calum shook his head frantically,"Gross, oh god what the hell is in it?"

Michael shrugged,"D-Dunno. P-Person said it w-wakes people up."

A small smile formed on Calum's lips and he kissed Michael's cheek sweetly,"You got it cause I couldn't sleep last night, huh? That's nice, but I don't think I can drink this. It's way too strong, I'd be bouncing off the walls all day. Here, I'll pay you back for the drink. How much did it cost?" 

Michael pouted,"No, I-I'm your boyfriend. I paid c-cause I wanted to. It's okay."

Calum paused as he went to get his wallet, glancing around for some reason that Michael didn't know. He nodded slowly and shut his car door. He took his bag and tossed it over his shoulder. Michael grinned, taking Calum's drink and took a sip before tossing it in the trash carelessly.

It costs four dollars for the drink, but Michael didn't mind. He used some of his birthday money and his aunt gave him some cash so it wasn't too much from his money. Michael went back to see Calum texting someone and he smiled, because Calum was wearing a beanie and it was cute.

He went over, taking Calum's hand in his and motioned to school. Calum hesitated much to Michael's confusion, however he walked to the school with Michael and class started in three minutes so the parking lot was practically empty. When they went inside, Calum seemed relieved as the halls were filled with no one.

But then he spotted a few people and Calum took his hand from Michael's, saying nervously with a timid grin,"I'll see you at lunch, okay? I need to go to my locker, see ya babe."

Michael got a small kiss on the cheek and that was all as Calum rushed down the hall. He knew it was rude, that he shouldn't be scared to come out but he was. He couldn't handle it. He wanted so badly to show Michael off, to hold his hand and be able to kiss him whenever and wherever.

But he couldn't.

It was eating him alive all night and he knew Michael would want to be affectionate in public. However, Calum was scared of everyone's reactions. Surely his relationship shouldn't concern them. But it does to some extent. Especially for the team considering they taunt Ashton and Luke about it a lot.

He is still hung up on being popular, sometimes. He doesn't try to care, but it's hard not to. He really likes Michael, more than he's liked anyone before. He cares about him, he worries about him and he isn't ashamed to be dating him. Or at least, he doesn't think he is.

Calum went to class, confused about everything and noticed Luke wasn't in his usual seat. Now he's even more confused and slouched in his chair, running a hand through his hair as he stuffed his beanie in his bookbag. Lately life has been a mess, but somewhat better than before.

He's dating someone, that's nice. Months ago he was dating Maya, but now he's with Michael of all people. He barely knew who Michael was, he never knew his name and only saw him in the halls. Being so shy, nervous and constantly clinging to Luke as if he was his life support.

But what Calum's worried about the most is his sexuality, honestly. He doesn't know who or what he is. Being gay is so frowned upon, even if people are supportive. Everyone either says they support or hate the gay community. And even if you support them, being gay means you're different.

Calum doesn't want to be different, he wants to be the same and not be judged. If he's with Michael then he'll be judged and it's not Michael's fault. But, Calum can't shake the thought of having people stare at them if they were simply holding hands. He hates himself for thinking this, however he can't help it.

As the day went by, he didn't know what to say to Michael. Should he even have to come out yet? He literally just got together with Michael and not too long ago, he thought he was still straight. Maybe it's okay if he stays in the closet for a little bit. Everyone has time to think about it before coming out, he shouldn't be forced to do it if he's not ready.

However, when lunch rolled around he became more self conscious. He grabbed his lunch, seeing the teammates all sitting together. He remembered what they said. About sitting with them, having to join them again because he liedand said he wasn't friends with the misfits.

He looked at Garrett, his 'friend' of years, and their eyes made contact. Garrett motioned him over and Calum bit his lip nervously while glancing at Ashton and Michael who were chatting quietly and unaware of his conflicting mind. He saw how Michael was smiling at something Ashton said. 

Michael's his boyfriend now, he can't ditch him like that. So, Calum ignored Garrett as he went over to where his boyfriend and new friend were sat. They both looked up and at him and smiled, not knowing he actually questioned if he should sit with them. Michael said with a giggle,"A-Ashton tell him."

And so Ashton began telling him this really funny story and the whole time, Michael was smiling trying to hide his laughter. Calum paid more attention to Michael's smile than Ashton's story, but it didn't matter much. He laughed, though, when hearing the ending and it was nice to sit with them.

That was until Ashton said with a frown,"Luke isn't here today, and I got his work from his classes so far. But I won't be able to drop them off today, my dad is getting angry about me not being home. I was hoping one of you will be able to take it home to him? Wouldn't want him being confused tomorrow."

"Where is he?" Calum took a bit of his pizza and didn't notice Michael staring at the food.

Ashton hesitated, seeing Michael's knowing look and shrugged with a forced smile,"I think he's just home, you know, ditching school. He didn't study for his test today, so who knows."

Calum nodded and offered,"I'll take it to him, it's suppose to rain tonight and I'm the only one with a car. Besides, I have to talk to him anyways."

Ashton grinned, thanking him but then frowned when seeing he forgot a spoon. He sighed and promised to be right back before going across the cafeteria to get a spoon for his pudding. As he left, a silence fell making Calum nervous since it's just him and his boyfriend. Alone at the lunch table.

"A-About what?" Michael's quiet voice said curiously referring to what he said he had to talk about. He looked at him, leaning his head on Calum's shoulder. 

The action took Calum off guard and he quickly pushed Michael off while looking around to make sure no one saw. A hurt look crossed the boy's face and Calum felt bad as he whispered hastily,"I - I'm sorry but I think we should um, stay quiet about 'us' for now. Please don't be mad, I'm just...confused. Not about my feelings, just with my sexuality."

"A-Are you embarrassed of me?" Michael felt his heart drop, not understanding. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and mumbled,"C-Cause I'm fat? U-Ugly? A boy?"

When noticing how insecure Michael was, Calum felt his heart break. He doesn't even get why Michael thinks these things. If anything, Calum was jealous of how beautiful and sweet he was. Michael shouldn't hate himself like that or think anyone else does, because he's anything but ugly or fat.

He hesitated, taking Michael and helping him up before leading him to the bathroom. Ashton saw them leave and sighed but sat alone anyways while reading to look less lonely. As they left, Michael felt like he was about to be broken up with. Even after they just got together.

Calum checked under the stalls, making sure no one was in there and then shut the bathroom door. He turned to Michael, seeing the boy wiping his teary eyes in embarrassment. Calum wasn't sure what to say, so he just stepped up and cradled Michael's face, wiping the damp cheeks with his thumbs and giving Michael a small, tender kiss.

He promised while pulling away,"I am definitely not embarrassed of you, Michael. I just don't want to come out without knowing who or what I am."

"Y-You're my boyfriend, just tell people t-that," Michael said with a pleading expression, placing his hand over Calum's that lightly caressed his cheek.

A frown formed on Calum's lips, seeing how much Michael wanted to come out. But he told him weakly,"I can't. Please understand, I just need time. I don't know how my parents will react and if I came out, someone on the team will tell my dad. He's the coach, he'll know eventually."

Michael didn't say anything, just looking down as he couldn't help but think he's not enough for Calum. He wants to be the perfect boyfriend, to say he'll beat anyone up if they tease Calum, that he can protect him and be there for Calum. But he can't be there for someone if he's not even there for himself.

So, he nodded reluctantly and gave Calum a timid smile. His lack of words were expect and Calum smiled thankfully as he gave Michael a couple of kisses, then one long and lingering one. He then hugged the boy tightly, sighing when feeling how small Michael was in his arms and now he has another thing to worry about.

-

It was happening, they were noticing he's not eating and Michael panicked as he paced the bathroom and chugging down water bottles he sneaked after buying from the vending machine. He overheard Ashton and Calum talking about it, saying they should weigh him today.

He didn't like the idea, having them know how fat he is. He had to do something and so he remembered drinking water puts on some weight until you go to the bathroom. He drank three bottles of water, feeling extremely full and tossed them in the trashcan while panting slightly from being out of breath. Who knew drinking could be a work out.

When he got the water, a few coins dropped out since they were only a dollar seventy five and so he stuffed them in his shoes along with some he put in the machine and then pressed them button to get change in return. He saw this on TV and figured people should be more careful with what they air because he just learned how to hide his anorexia more now.

It wasn't a good idea for him to not at least try to get better. But he doesn't want to be fat, he just wants to look good and be the boyfriend Calum can proudly show around. Obviously he knew Calum was afraid to come out. But maybe if he was better looking then Calum wouldn't be as worried about being made fun of.

So, Michael went back to the room where Calum and Ashton were chatting. Since Luke wasn't in school, they decided not to do a real meeting and just hang out. Before Michael left to 'go to the bathroom' they were just chatting and Ashton was getting Luke's make up work for Calum.

Now they were chatting and Michael walked in with a small smile and full stomach that he tried not to think about. The coins in his shoes were pressing to his ankle and surely going to leave marks but that's the price of hiding an eating disorder. He's desperate and would do anything if it meant he could get skinny.

Calum smiled at him and glanced at Ashton, who spoke up soothingly,"I know you don't want to hear this, but we need to check your weight, okay? We need to make sure you stay healthy and that you're eating."

"I - I am," Michael lied, hoping they won't check his weight if he keeps that up. He did drink the water and hide some coins, but he doesn't know if that will work. 

Sadly, Calum shook his head and stood up,"We know you are, but it's still not enough. We need to keep track and make sure you keep eating. It's okay, Michael. We won't judge you, we're just wanting you to get better. You're too skinny right now. And it's not okay, but that doesn't mean you're not beautiful. You're just not healthy."

You're too skinny.

You're too skinny.

You're too skinny.

It was replaying in Michael's head as they walked him to the gym where a scale was. He kept blinking, trying to force the words out of his mind but they kept repeating. So much that he wanted to cry. That he wanted to shove Ashton and Calum away and throw up all the water he drank that made him feel fat.

But he couldn't. He needed to have them think he's better so they will leave him alone. To stop saying he's 'too skinny' because that's like saying someone is 'too fat' and it hurts just as much but people don't realize that. If the numbers say h'es healthy then the boys will think he is.

Then Calum would be proud, he would kiss him and hug him. He would come out and they could be happy. They could go on cute dates, love each other and Michael would be skinny enough for him. Skinny enough for him and that's all that mattered to Michael and to anyone, so he thinks.

With that in mind, Michael hesitated as they stood in front of the scale. He nervously looked at the boys who waited patiently, knowing the number probably meant more to him than to either of them. Soon Michael reached for Calum's hand with his puppy eyes and Calum nodded as he laced their fingers together as Michael stepped on the scale and looked straight ahead.

It took a second before the number appeared, Michael's heart pounding hoping it was enough to make them happy. All he cared about was making them think he's better, so they can worry about themselves rather than him. Because they mattered more than Michael. And thus he succeeded as they grinned at the number.

119 pounds.

Right now Michael just turned eighteen, his height is 5'10 Calum estimated, seeing as Michael is about an inch or two shorter than him and Calum is 5'11. His average body weight based on age and height should be between 140-160 pounds. Obviously Michael is still very underweight, but Calum knew he would get better as long as he kept eating.

plus, it's hard to be in the right weight range as a teen since there's really no exactly weight that's considered healthy. Michael was definitely not healthy though. The sad part is that he's skinnier than that and neither of the boys know, however to Michael it was a good thing. He didn't want them to know, he just wanted to be beautiful.

The fact that Calum kissed him was what made him feel bad about lying, though. How Ashton whistled as Calum pulled him close, smiling against his lips. He left them and gave the two privacy, Michael blushing like an idiot as Calum hugged him and kept kissing his forehead, cheeks and lips.

He said to Michael in a soft voice,"I'm so proud of you, love. I know it's hard for you, but I'm gonna help. I'll make sure you feel better, you're beautiful and should feel that way."

That's what sent Michael to a place of guilt, but then he remembered how Calum wanted to hide their relationship. If Calum can lie about his sexuality then Michael should be allowed to hide his disorder. It wasn't the best way of putting things, but Calum didn't know so it didn't matter.

After going back to the room, Calum grabbed his bag and Luke's books. He held Michael's hand as they walked outside and shut the door. Ashton was already gone since his parents picked him up and Michael smiled as Calum gave him one last kiss,"I'll text you tonight, okay?"

Michael nodded, waving goodbye and Calum hopped in the car and remembered where Luke lived considering he's dropped him off tons of times. He wasn't sure how to talk to Luke, he wanted to discuss the 'staying in the closet' thing because he knew he was making Michael insecure and he didn't want to do that.

But most importantly, he was so proud of Michael. Knowing he was actually trying to get better. Michael doesn't eat at lunch a lot, and if he does it's small, but he was trying and that's all that mattered. It takes a lot of work, and Michael's very underweight, but hopefully with time he will gain some.

He parked in Luke's driveway, seeing a car was parked and frowned. He thought maybe Luke's parents won't be home since they're usually not around this time. However, he shrugged figuring Luke was sick so someone stayed home. His dad would do that sometimes, maybe Luke's does too.

He grabbed the books, getting out and locking his door then went up the porch and knocked on the door. He waited patiently, sighing as a few seconds passed and knocked again. The door opened and Calum's eyes widened as he saw Luke, heart dropping at the bruises on his arms, neck and one on his cheek.

Luke asked hastily,"What are you doing here?!"

"Oh god, a - are you okay? What happened to you?" Calum looked at him in worry, going to touch his bruise but then Luke was grabbing his arm and dragging him upstairs while shutting the door. They reached his room and Luke looked panicked as Calum frowned,"I came to give you your books. Who hit you?"

Before Luke could reply, there was a loud stomping and he looked unsure of what to do. When Calum went to speak, Luke shoved him in the closet and Calum stumbled, falling back. Guilt showed on Luke's face for being so harsh, but he shut the door and Calum sighed because now he was literally in the closet.

He now understood everything as a door was slammed open and a rough man's voice sneered,"Who was at the door, Lucas? You know how I feel about you answering the door without my permission!"

"I - It was just someone at the wrong house," Luke lied, and suddenly a loud slap was heard causing Calum to cover his mouth and will himself not to get out and beat the crap out of that man.

The man, assumingly Luke's dad, sneered,"Next time I won't be so nice. You can't come out for the rest of the night, no dinner tonight for skipping school too."

Luke mumbled a small 'yes sir' and the door slammed shut, shaking the walls slightly. Calum waited a second before opening the door and seeing Luke sitting on his bed with a blank expression. Like being yelled at and hit wasn't effecting him. It was sad to see and Calum felt his heart break.

He didn't look up as Calum walked over. He didn't say anything when Calum frowned at him sympathetically. He just sat there with a bruised cheek and another red, throbbing one. And he didn't do anything but cry silently as Calum hugged him, whispering soothing words such as 'it'll be okay' and 'It's okay to cry'. 

It was like everything flipped around again. Now Calum was comforting Luke instead of Luke comforting him. He remembered how Luke held him when he tried jumping off the roof that day. But this time Luke needed to be held, and it was okay. That's all he kept saying as Luke clung onto him as if wanting to be held tighter.

So, Calum hugged him tighter and he said softly,"Luke, he's done this before." Luke nodded though it wasn't a question. "Oh god, h-how can you live like this? All those times you came to school with a black eye or bruises on your back...fuck, you can't stay here with him! I need to call the cops, now."

"No! Don't you dare!" Luke snatched his phone and shook his head rapidly. "You can't call the cops, this is my home and they're my parents. I won't let you put them in jail, Calum."

Calum looked at him in disbelief,"This isn't healthy for you or them. You can't keep getting smacked around like that. They're not right in the head, okay? I know it hurts, but you need to let me call the cops."

"I - I don't want to be put in a foster home, please," Luke begged, eyes watering as he clenched the phone in his hand. He just wanted to be normal and maybe being abused isn't normal. But to him it was better than living with a bunch of strangers who will look at him with pity.

But Calum insisted,"I need to do the right thing."

He grabbed Luke's hand that held the phone, taking it from him as he stood up. Luke looked at him with tears falling down his face. It was a horrible sight but Calum knew he had to do it. He couldn't let Luke live in a house where he's getting hit, beaten and covered in bruises. It wasn't okay.

"I'll lie."

Calum turned with a confused expression,"What?"

Luke nodded and said weakly,"I'll lie if you call them. I'll just say I got in a fight. It doesn't matter. Call them if you want but I won't tell them the truth."

"And why the hell not?! Look at yourself, you're hurt and it's that man's fault." Calum didn't understand it at all. All he had to do was call the cops and they can help, yet Luke is saying he'd lie to them. "Please, you need to get help. The police will help you, I promise they will."

A sad chuckle left Luke and he looked at Calum with a shrug,"You'd think they will. But, my dad is a good liar. People have called cause they heard us fighting one time. He was able to convince them it was nothing and made me lie too. It doesn't matter anymore, school's out in a couple months. I can handle it."

"You shouldn't have to handle it," Calum retorted.

But Luke just smiled, a timid and sad smile that had Calum's heart break. He didn't know what to do now. He couldn't live with the idea of knowing Luke is abused and that he can't stop it. But if Luke is going to lie to the cops then what's the point? He didn't get why Luke would lie, but he would and so there's nothing anyone can do except heal his wounds.

The only way Calum knew how to help is to have Luke stay the night at his place and that's what he did. The two sneaked out the window, Luke knowing his dad wouldn't check on him for the rest of the night. Calum drove Luke to his place, letting him borrow some pajamas.

Luke had put some foundation on to hide the bruises and Calum was watching with a sympathetic look from his bedroom into the bathroom connected. He frowned, looking at Luke longingly. They had pizza that night, his dad bringing it up and looked confused when seeing them both.

"Sorry dad, I should've asked. But um, Luke's staying the night, him and his dad got in a fight," Calum said, his dad assuming it was just an argument and not a real physical one.

He smiled and nodded,"Alright, well I should get another plate. Nice to have you stay the night, Luke."

Since his dad was the track coach, they already met and Luke just smiled softly. It was a nice night actually. There were awkward silences considering neither were very fond of the other. But they do care about each other. They aren't the best of friends, however they're growing close and there's no more secrets now.

When his dad came back with pizza, he gave them both a wave before leaving. Calum watched as Luke ate, remembering Michael and said with a frown,"You're gay, right?"

"I'm Luke."

Calum raised an eyebrow,"What?"

A small smile formed on Luke's face and he took a bite of his pizza,"I don't like being labeled. I am who I am. I'm not gay. I'm not stupid. I'm not abused. I'm just Luke and life is just life and we all go through it. We shouldn't have to worry about labels. It's just another thing to add to the list of problems we deal with."

There was a silence that was interrupted by the commercial playing on the TV. Calum nodded slowly, picking off the pepporoni's and eating them. He took in what Luke said and found himself wondering why he was so keen on getting labeled when he hates labels too.

He asked sadly,"How do you deal with getting bullied, then? For liking guys, I mean. I'm not saying you're gay, I just don't. I can't. I'm worried about people turning on me and making fun of me. I'm not use to it."

"You should be. Your so-called friends made fun of you all the time," Luke told him sadly, remembering hearing the guys making fun of Calun's hair when he got a blonde streak. How they joked him when he fell asleep in the back of class.

Calum sighed,"I know. I guess I liked to think they weren't, but I knew they were. Michael and I are dating and I don't feel comfortable coming out of the closet yet."

Luke shrugged,"Then don't."

"But then we're hiding it and Michael thinks it's cause I'm embarrassed to be with him," Calum retorted. 

It was weird, talking to Luke about all of this. Calum hates being open about things, talking about his problems and whatnot. He doesn't like to think he has any problems. They make people imperfect and he always tried to be as perfect as he could.

However, Luke told him honestly,"It's your choice if you want to come out or not. It's not Michael's or anyone else's. If you're not ready, it's not your fault. But, don't just hide it cause you're scared. You're allowed to wait, but just remember you did decide to date Michael and so he shouldn't suffer in the closet again because of you."

That was all that was said before Luke turned to face the TV and continue eating. Calum knew he was right. Yes, he doesn't need to come out and it is his decision. But by dating Michael while still not comfortable with who he is, he basically shoved Michael back in and that wasn't far.

Michael already has so much going on. His selective mutism, having to try and get better with his anorexia and now he has to deal with hiding his sexuality all over again. Sure, he's out, but now he's dating someone who isn't and it's not fair.

He didn't feel like thinking about it anymore or discussing it. So, they just played some video games and Calum told him what they did in class, Luke laughing since Calum obviously wasn't paying attention. Both ended up texting their crush and boyfriend at night, Luke chuckling when Ashton said his phone was taken away but he was spiderman and stole it like a boss ass bitch.

When it was time for bed, Luke and Calum slept top and tail. When he thought Luke was sleeping, Calum tossed and turned and he played some games. He then got up, going to play more video games on mute. Luke watched him with a sleep gaze, seeing it was one in the morning and wanted to help but drifted to sleep before he could.

Calum stayed up till three, but this time worrying about Luke.


	22. Chapter 22

The morning was stressful for Luke. His body ached and face was still stinging somehow despite it being hours since his dad hit him. Let's just say he has a strong hand. Luke frowned and rubbed his eyes as he gazed around the bedroom. He saw Calum was passed out on the floor and figured he just fell asleep a couple hours ago considering it's six and he woke up a couple times seeing Calum awake.

It was hard to will himself to wake up the boy, but school was important and so he reluctantly did so anyways. It took a lot of work, however he succeeded in doing so. Calum was pouting, reluctantly going to his closet and letting Luke change in the room. His closet was big enough to change in luckily.

However, when he walked out he halted. Luke was examining the bruises on his body and no. This wasn't okay. He couldn't possibly be in no pain with all those purple marks scattering his pale skin. They were blotched everywhere. On his sides, shoulder and back -- it was the most heartbreaking sight ever.

Luke turned and frowned when seeing Calum staring. Instead of speaking, he simply tugged on a shirt he brought and grabbed his jacket to cover his arms. The two quietly went to the bathroom together. Calum grabbed his concealer for his eyes and Luke got his foundation from his bag.

Usually they do it on their own, but then Luke motioned for Calum to hand him the concealer. He hesitantly did as told and Luke placed the make up under his eyes gently, he then put on the powder to make it less noticeable. Calum did the same for Luke. It was weird for guys to wear make up, let alone help each other put it on. But it was like a secret way to tell each other they know and that they care for one another.

When they were done, Calum led him downstairs and gave him some pain relievers. He noticed Luke was having trouble walking and felt so bad for him. However, pity wasn't something anyone wanted and he figured he shouldn't speak. He was turning into Michael, Calum chuckled quietly.

As they ate breakfast together, Luke was looking around the kitchen and Calum was texting Luke. It was awkward to most people, but to them it was okay. They aren't friends or anything, and this was a nice gesture for Luke from Calum. Maybe they can start actually being friends after this.

Soon his dad came down, greeting the boys and his mother followed. It was the first time Luke ever saw her. She looked like a sweet lady that can be strict when she wanted. Calum blushed a bit when she kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair much to the boy's annoyance since it took so long to get perfect.

They chatted quietly, doing their usual morning routines that consisted of Calum making coffee and his dad discussing track while his mum hassled him about school. Luke watched, frowning inside. Calum had such caring parents. Surely he would get annoyed of them, but at least they actually loved him. It was obvious they did.

He shook his head a bit, hating how he is getting jealous. It wasn't Calum's fault Luke's parents were wacko. Sometimes Luke forgets he even has a mum, because she's always gone, getting high in the room or drunk at a bar. He would rather have her than his dad cause at least she just yells at him. But his dad hits him and maybe his mum's words hurt more but his dad's hits were unforgettable too.

Suddenly a snap was heard and he jumped, seeing Calum looking at him in concern. Luke smiled timidly and noticed it was time to go. They waved goodbye and Calum's dad said while following them out to go to his car,"If you ever need to get away from home again, you can always stay the night. There's a place in our home for any of Calum's friends, as long as they're as nice as you."

Luke nodded sheepishly and thanked him. He got in Calum's car and saw that Calum didn't seem all too pleased with his dad's offer. He sighed, knowing once again he was taking Calum's dad. He didn't mean to. It was just nice to have a parent actually care about him, even if it's not his own.

But he also understood where Calum was getting upset. As they drove, he kept sparing glances at the boy. He didn't blame him for not liking the offer. Surely, even if you don't like your parents, it wasn't nice to have them care more about someone else's child. He knew Calum's dad loved his son more than Luke, but in Calum's eyes it probably didn't seem that way.

Their friendship was strange -- his and Calum's. Just last night Calum was hugging him, comforting him and asking him to stay the night. This morning they were covering up each other's hidden bruises and dark circles. However, Calum didn't seem pleased with him being offered to stay over whenever.

It didn't seem all that nice to Luke either. Either way, they headed to school and Calum parked his car in his parking spot. He got out, Luke following and the two went inside the school. There was a few minutes before class and Luke grinned when seeing Michael at their locker waiting.

Calum furrowed his eyebrows slightly, seeing the two hug instantly. He slowly went over to them, glancing to make sure no one saw. He felt guilty for caring so much, however ignored the guilt and hesitantly went to their locker. He didn't understand. They shared a locker? Why? Surely there were other lockers in the school.

He cleared his throat when making his way over. Michael pulled from Luke, smiling at Calum and bashfully waved secretly. There was no greeting hug or kiss. It was then that Calum realized Michael was doing what he wanted. He was not being affectionate in public because he was respecting his wish of staying in the closet.

Calum asked in confusion,"So um, do you guys share a locker or something?"

"Yeah," Luke nodded, shutting the locker and wrapping an arm around Michael's shoulder much to Calum's dismay. "Well, since he has social anxiety, I figured we could share a locker and you're more comfortable me with, yeah babe?" Michael nodded with a small smile and Luke chuckled. 

Babe.

The word made Calum's heart clench slightly and he felt a pang in his chest. Calum nodded timidly,"Oh, u-uh okay. Michael, can we talk real quick? I can walk you to class."

"B-But people," He reminded and motioned around the halls quietly. 

However, Calum didn't care and just gave him a knowing look. Michael nodded slowly and waved goodbye to Luke. He nervously followed Calum, having his bag with Malum in it. The animal was bigger than Daniel was. So he couldn't sneak it in his hoodie pocket, this meant carrying around his bookbag.

He use to do that anyways sometimes, so it didn't matter. Michael just felt comfortable with it and now he was nervous, so he needed Malum to feel better. Which he slowly started to as he followed Calum into a small room. He shakily stepped inside the dark room, flinching when Calum turned on a light.

It was a back room in the band room. Calum turned to Michael and pulled him forward, causing Michael to stumble a bit. He dropped his bag, blushing when Calum looked at him in the eyes. Michael wasn't big on eye contact, he always felt self conscious as if someone was reading his thoughts and looking into his soul.

Suddenly Calum leaned in slowly, Michael holding his breath because oh god, are they going to make out? He's kissed Calum three times and two were really small while the other was only a couple seconds long. He had no idea what he was doing, and so he quickly moved out of the way, making Calum frown and look at him in confusion.

Michael covered his red face in embarrassment,"S-So sorry! I just, I - I don't know how to..."

"What? Kiss?" Calum chuckled in amusement, moving close to him and took Michael's hands from his face. He leaned in, kissing the boy's neck slightly and smiled at the small shriek that left the boy. So he's ticklish, Calum noted. "It's okay. I won't make fun of you, everyone doesn't know how to kiss at first. We all have our times where we're with someone more experienced. Even me."

Michael shyly glanced at him,"Y-You?"

"Yep, I accidentally shoved my tongue down her throat basically and it was really awkward. Thankfully she moved to Chile and I never saw her again. But, we weren't dating. You're my boyfriend and that means if you mess up, I can just tease you and help you...practice," Calum grinned cheekily and kissed the boy's cheek.

Michael pouted, playfully shoving him only for Calum to grip his arm lightly and place his lips on the shorter guy's. He could feel Michael's body shaking slightly from nerves and brushed his thumb lightly against his cheek from where it was cradling his face. The other still gripping Michael's arm gently and he slowly entwined their fingers for more comfort.

It was slow, Calum trying to lead into it and he moved their lips together carefully with Michael copying his moves. It was still strange for Calum, seeing as he's never kissed a boy before this. But, he kind of liked it. Michael's full lips fitting perfectly with his own, both knowing what the other likes somehow. As if they were together in another life.

Suddenly Calum stepped up, letting his teeth teasingly nibbling on Michael's bottom lip. The boy gasped slightly, allowing Calum's tongue to brush against the bitten spot and sneak into his mouth. A mixture of coffee and vanilla was tasted.

And Michael really liked it because it was Calum. All Calum. His body, his mouth, his lips and tongue and usually it would seem gross. But it just felt so right, having Calum's hands on him and body pressed against his.

Michael felt bad, seeing as he was doing all the work. But he was so into it, trying to pull him closer with his free hand on his shoulder but suddenly he stumbled back when trying to move against the wall. Instead, however, he fell backwards when tripping over a guitar case and fell onto the ground with a pained sound as Calum landed on him.

A blush coated his cheek, chest heaving slightly and Michael exclaimed,"I - I"m so sorry! I - I ruined it."

When he thought Calum would be upset, the guy just laughed so loud and his eyes were lit up with this cute sparkly. Michael was full on red, still laying under Calum and started laughing slightly as well. Calum just smiled, pecking his lips a few times and in between each they just looked at one another.

He assured Michael,"It's okay, I promise. You're really clumsy, though. Sort of like a kitten."

"K-Kittens aren't clumsy," Michael rolled his eyes and sat up slightly, squeaking when Calum pulled him on his lap. He hesitated and leaned against his chest, grinning when Calum wrapped his arms around his waist.

Calum shrugged and kissed his neck,"But mine is."

Sadly the bell rang right after that and Michael wasn't sure if his heart was working right after that. He stuttered out a quick bye and was running away. Not from fear or anything, but just because he couldn't stop smiling. Calum knew that and wasn't offended, if anything he was fondly chuckling.

It was like his problems disappeared as soon as his lips were on Michael's. His first gay boyfriend and gay kiss in general. He was now more content with his sexuality. He's almost positive he's gay. Kissing a girl was just like having warm lips against his. But when he kisses Michael, it felt completely different.

He felt like he was on cloud nine as he headed to his first class. Throughout the day everyone could see he was acting different. He still felt tired, but he didn't think about it much. His mind was on his boyfriend and he kept wondering what it was like. Being passionate with a guy and he didn't know how to touch a guy. Girls were easy, you grab the breasts and the bum. But what does a guy want?

He should know this. He's a guy himself. But his mind was blank. Did Michael even want that? Sex or anything? Everyone likes sex, he assumed. So maybe one day it could happen. It's probably too soon at the moment, however it was still something to worry about. Especially if it was going to happen eventually. He really needed to be prepared. Despite them just getting together, he couldn't risk anything.

During lunch, Calum wasn't happy. He didn't like seeing Luke chatting with Michael. He shouldn't be mad, but it was frustrating him because they were constantly together and basically joined at the hips. Even Ashton seemed to notice and chuckled while joking about it, but it was forced and anyone with ears could tell.

He saw Ashton go up to grab a snack from the snack line. He glanced at the two friends laughing and rolled his eyes, going up to where Ashton was waiting patiently. He tapped the boy's shoulder and said right away,"Okay, get together with Luke now. He's messing with my life and taking over."

Ashton's eyes widened and he stuttered out,"W-What? Me together with Luke? That's ridiculous. Pft. I don't like him like that."

"I smell bullshit."

"I think that's just the lasagna."

Calum snorted and simply continued speaking while crossing his arms,"I...I don't hate Luke or anything, he's nice. But, I - I'm dating you-know-who and well, he's kind of ruining it. They're always talking and it just annoys me a little. Doesn't it get to you? C'mon, they're like attached at the hips.'

"Not really, I don't mind. Maybe it's cause I'm not dating Luke yet, so I have no reason to be jealous. Besides, they're just friends and never even kissed, so why should you be jealous? It's a really unneeded emotion. Don't get mad over something that's nothing," Ashton replied with a knowing look, running a hand through his fringed hair.

He sighed and looked over at Luke and Michael as Ashton got his bag of cookies. It just hurt. Seeing how close they were. How they laugh together, joke around and know each other so well. Like they've been friends for years and they have. He hated it, he envied it and it wasn't fair. 

Ashton returned with his cookies and noticed Calum's expression. He offered,"I think you're not jealous of them being close but of their friendship. Have you ever had a best friend?"

"Of course," Calum scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Ashton raised an eyebrow,"Who?"

At first Calum went to speak, but then he slowly blinked. His mind was blank and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. No. He had a friend before, he just knew it. But who? Was Garrett his friend? Probably not. Their friendship was nothing. It was fake and obviously he doesn't care about him or vice versa.

Maybe Ashton's right. He doesn't have a best friend. Unlike the others, he never had anyone care about him like Bradley cared about Ashton and like Michael cared about Daniel and Luke cared about Michael. Calum was alone forever. Maya isn't much of a friend, more of a person who was caring for him but they never talk anymore. She was just there a couple times, not continuously striking up conversations.

He felt his heart slowly sink and Ashton saw this. He gave him a sympathetic smile and awkwardly told him,"It's not something to get worked up over, Calum. We're friends, right? Or like, we can be? Maybe we should just start hanging out more. Wow, I'm the most awkward human being on this planet. No wonder me and Luke aren't together yet."

Calum laughed slightly and shook his head in amusement. He smiled a bit and the two headed towards the table. All four of them started playing a few dumb games like twenty one questions which was overplayed but they were bored. Then they just talked about music and movies they all like or hated and got into arguments.

That's basically how it went for the rest of lunch. Calum kept glancing at Ashton, wondering if he really did want to be friends or if he just said it to make Calum feel better. Either way, he was hoping they could actually be friends. Though they are opposites, it would be interesting and he was planning on asking to hang out soon. He just had handle some things first.

-

"Alright, let's talk about sex."

As soon as those words left Luke's mouth, Ashton's head snapped up from where he was playing with the string of his shirt, mouth dropped. Calum was snickering like an immature idiot and Michael looked like he wanted to run away and disappear in a corner while Luke simply sat there awkwardly.

No one really spoke up, all four being awkward idiots and wanting to hook up with the other in the room so yeah. It was definitely interesting. It wasn't Luke's fault, he picked it randomly and obvious someone in the room wanted to talk about it. He figured it was Calum since he was smirking like an idiot.

Ashton hesitantly said,"I don't really like talking about sexual intercourse, it makes me uncomfortable."

"And why is that?" Luke held back a laugh as he stared at the blushing boy. He raised an eyebrow and eyes had a hint of humor in them because Ashton was blushing hard.

He cleared his throat,"I-I just don't?"

Instead of pestering him, Luke nodded and respected his wishes but also knew he would need to answer a question eventually. He sat up and grabbed the card, ignoring the tension in the air. He knew why it was there. It's because Ashton likes Luke and he likes him back yet neither made a move.

Not to mention, Calum was already thinking of sex earlier that morning and Michael was just an innocent little dork that wasn't sure how to talk about sexual things. He wasn't innocent as in he didn't know about it. He just never likes talking about those topics and finds them private.

But, he couldn't avoid it today. Because Luke read the card and instead of asking Michael first, he turned to Calum and questioned though already knew this answer,"Are you a virgin? If not, do you regret your first time? If you are, what are your thoughts on sex and what age do you think is okay to have it?"

"I'm not a virgin, I don't regret my first time to a certain extent. I cared about my girlfriend, Maya, and if I lost it to anyone else than maybe I would have regretted it. But she's nice and it wasn't bad, just not right, if that makes sense," He trailed off in confusion, frowning a bit and gave Michael an apologetic look.

Talking about having sex with someone else while your boyfriend is in the room isn't the best thing ever. Especially since his ex was a girl and now he's slowly coming to terms with being gay. Even if Luke doesn't like labels, Calum does. It made him feel more secure for some reason. 

Luke repeated the question to Ashton, who at first wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't afraid to admit it but he didn't really find it embarrassing, just private. Then he remembered they're all friends here and they were meant to be honest.

He spoke up while looking at his hands,"I'm a virgin...and um, I don't really care what age people lose it or myself. Like, age is a number and as long as the person is mature, in love and not pressured then it doesn't matter to me. I think fourteen or younger is a bit much, but hey, it's their choice right? Their body and their life. I guess I'm open minded."

"So you never...?" Calum seemed surprised when Ashton nodded sheepishly. He chuckled a bit, "Wow, I thought you would have lost it by now."

A frown formed on Ashton's face and Michael glared at Calum. Seeing his boyfriend's reaction, Calum quickly added,"I mean, it's not a bad thing. I'm just shocked. I'm glad you're waiting. You should, it's a very special thing."

Ashton mentally rolled his eyes and Luke was too busy staring at Ashton. He was even surprised, but maybe he shouldn't have been. Ashton said he's never been with anyone since Bradley and he didn't think they would have had sex considering they were fourteen and fifteen. But still, Ashton's so good looking and amazing. 

However, he nodded slowly and eyes met Ashton's. They locked, gazing at one another with this intense stare. That was until Calum cleared his throat, causing them to look away quickly and blush. He turned to Michael, seeing his awkward expression and gave him a knowing look as he repeated the question.

And then Michael said it,"I-I'm not a...virgin."

No one bothered to hide it. Calum literally looked at him with this shocked expression, heart dropping and it was completely silent. Ashton was unsure of what to think, because he knew how Michael felt except it was the opposite. Michael wasn't a virgin yet Ashton was and everything was out of whack.

Ashton then asked in confusion,"I thought Calum was your first boyfriend."

"H-He is."

"Was it a girl?"

"N-No."

"I don't get it," Ashton grumbled, crossing his arms. 

Michael admitted as he ignored his best friend's expression. He said something that no one wanted to hear or say. He said something so out of the blue that Calum was clenching his first, Ashton was gaping and Luke was staring blankly at the floor because he never thought Michael would say it.

"I-I lost my v-virginity to Luke."

Everyone stared at Luke, who ignored their stares. He never thought Michael would say it. They talked about it afterwards that night they had sex and they promised to keep it to themselves. That they wouldn't tell anyone because it was personal. He should have known Michael would say it, but he didn't think Michael would admit it was him who he had sex with.

As no one spoke, tension was clear. Michael felt his eyes water slightly when seeing Calum staring at him with a heartbroken expression and clenched jaw. He fidgeted slightly with his sleeves that passed his hand. Ashton just stared at Luke with a frown and no one knew what to say.

Till Calum said weakly,"I - I thought you said I was your first kiss."

"I - I never said that," Michael corrected, heart pounding in his chest. "I-I said I didn't k-know how to kiss. A-And I don't."

"When?"

"Last year," Luke answered Calum's question, flinching at the glare the guy sent him. He explained for Michael and even himself,"We were both lonely and well, we were really close. Michael just wanted his first time to be special and I wanted to make sure it was like, with a good person. I love him, as a friend of course, and I wanted mine special too. We figured why not lose it to someone we trust?"

Ashton grumbled,"Was it good?"

Luke and Michael glanced at each other and awkwardly shrugged.

Ashton narrowed his eyes,"Just answer the question. I thought we were being honest? How was it? Nice and slow or like, fucking? Was it romantic? Did you kiss?"

"It was...nice," Luke admitted and flinched at Ashton's tone, nervously chewing on his nail and Michael hesitantly nodded in agreement. Ashton looked at him as if saying to go on and so he did, voice quieter towards the end,"It was slow...and um, I wouldn't say romantic. We weren't dating. And um, yeah we did kiss. I wanted it to be perfect, okay? So did Michael."

That was it. A loud crash was heard and Calum roughly grabbed his bag, chair falling to the ground when he got up. He rushed out of the room, slamming the door shut and the three boys flinched. Michael's bottom lip trembled, him burying his face in his hands and small sniffles filled the silent room.

Luke didn't know what to do now, everything just crashed and burned. He went to talk to Ashton, but the boy was up and gone just like Calum in the matter of seconds. A rejected look covered Luke's face and he turned to Michael who was crying quietly in his arms, definitely regretting saying what he did.

When Luke went to speak, Michael just mumbled,"T-Talk to Ashton. I-I'm fine."

At first Luke wanted to object because Michael isn't fine. However, Michael wiped his eyes and gave him a true and small smile that meant he will be fine. And for once it was true. Michael should have told Calum this in private, but he thought it would be okay to say it out loud. Obviously it wasn't and he knew he would need to fix this with Calum alone some other time.

As of now, Luke was thanking Michael frantically and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. He thanked him again when Michael offered to clean up the room. Luke rushed out of the room and glanced down the halls. Ashton wouldn't be out of the school yet, so he looked around with a sigh.

He knows Ashton likes him, so he should have just told him at some point he and Michael had sex. He figured it wouldn't be this huge of a deal. But, he also didn't take Ashton's feelings into consideration. Surely Luke's sex life isn't concerning Ashton, but if they ever did get together then it would be. 

And he knew they would be together at some point, it was just a given. They're already becoming more close. He figured if they ever do date then he would need to discuss this with him. Tell him how having intercourse with Michael was in the passed, it was just an in the moment thing and he may not regret it, but it won't effect the future.

While thinking this through, Luke went outside and felt a pain in his side. He grimaced slightly, leaning against the doorway to the doors outside. He winced as he tried walking again. His bruises hurting like hell and the pain pills were definitely wearing off now, he noticed with each step he took.

Throughout the day it was hurting, but they were just small pains. Now it was all over and he could barely move. Luke whimpered as his leg began aching from where his dad kicked him when he was on the ground. The memory made it hurt even more strangely and he spotted Ashton leaning against the bleachers and watching the track team play. 

Luke and Calum were going to join after their club meeting. But it seems like Calum already made it. His dad was the coach, obviously, and so Calum was able to get away with this. Since Luke is his friend, he had a trick up his sleeve. But of course they make up the practices, usually after the meetings with an extra half-an-hour.

Before Luke could make it to Ashton, he gripped his side and Ashton must have seen him coming. Because he turned to see who was there and eyes widened when watching Luke collapse to his knees. He gasped and rushed over, crouching down next to the boy and tried helping him up. However, Luke kept whimpering and let out pleas to stop moving him.

Ashton felt his heart pounding, being too far away for coach and the team to see. He could feel himself panicking, asking Luke with feared eyes,"W-What's wrong? What hurts? Luke, p-please talk to me!"

Much to his dismay, Luke was coughing and barely able to speak. He hesitated before leaving Luke and running up to the track. Luke remembered he had a bruise on his chest, which could be why he's having trouble talking. Since he had pain medicine earlier, he couldn't tell he was hurting but now it's really bad.

Soon coach Hood was hurrying down with his phone and Calum was shouting at the rest of the team to leave. Mitch walked by, giving Luke a concerned look that he ignored. He was too busy in pain to care and Ashton was holding his hand tightly, nervously watching as coach Hood talked to Luke.

When he asked what was wrong and what hurt, Luke choked up. Both his friends were staring at him, begging for him to tell the truth and Luke knew he should. That it would be the right thing and could prevent this from happening. But he found himself stuttering out,"I-I just got into a fight yesterday, I'm banged up from it."

Coach hood looked at him with a confused expression, but slowly nodded and he went to get some ice. Both Ashton and Calum stared at Luke with disappointed looks. He cringed a bit, hating their saddened eyes and frowned. He knew it was wrong, and he hated himself for saying it.

"I'm sorry Luke, please don't hate me." When Calum said this, he was suddenly up on his feet and shouted something that made Luke's heart stop,"He's lying! Dad, he's lying! He didn't get into a fight, it- it was his dad!"

Luke looked at Calum in horror, blank face turning into a betrayed look. His eyes watered slightly as Calum's dad halted right away. He turned, eyes pained when looking at Luke as if to ask if it was true. Luke prepared himself to lie again, however Ashton gave his hand a squeeze and mouthed,'Please.' repeatedly with begging eyes.

So, Luke reluctantly nodded. 

That was how it all started. It took a lot of pleading and trust to build, but somehow a couple hours later Luke found himself talking to the police with Ashton holding his hand and telling them about how he saw it happen. Michael was called and he told what he saw and then Calum was the last.

It was the hardest thing Luke's ever did. He was hurting emotionally now. Realizing he basically told on his parents and put them in jail. He hated himself. Those are the people who gave him food, water and shelter. But then he slowly began to realize they never gave any of those things aside from a home that was basically hell.

It didn't make him feel better though. Ashton kept trying to tell him what he did was right. Luke hated Calum at the moment and doesn't know if he will ever forgive him. Even with Ashton saying he had to do it and that Calum just cares about him. Ashton would have done it himself, but his feelings stood in the way because Calum could handle Luke's glaring eyes. Ashton couldn't, though.

It took hours of talking, evidence from bruises and broken glasses that were found. From the beer in the home and the weed they found in the parents room, but both his mum and dad were hawled away with handcuffs on. His dad was shouting nonsense, mum grumbling with gazed over eyes and a slur. 

Luke felt himself break when they left, him staring at his home as Ashton hugged him. The boy was whispering comforting words that Luke couldn't hear. Everything was silent for him. He was watching the police go in his home more and invade it. Nothing was the same now.

He's seventeen, turning eighteen soon and now he wasn't even allowed in a foster home. He was trapped, not having a place to stay and that's what he wanted to prevent. Legally he's allowed to stay in foster care, but it wouldn't be right. He's heard stories, seen things and he doesn't want to go.

As the police started heading out, Luke said weakly,"T-They're gone."

"It's a good thing, Luke," Ashton promised, pausing before pressing a lingering kiss to the blonde's cheek. He nuzzled his nose against his jaw and pleaded,"Don't hate yourself, okay? They're not good parents. They don't love you and I have no idea why they wouldn't. But you deserve so much better. Seventeen years was way too long."

Tears started falling as Luke spoke with a shaky voice, looking at Ashton with hurt eyes,"They did love me. I know they did, they had to. Why else would they keep me? I'd rather have them then anyone else. I - I have no one now. Well, except you and Michael. But I need parents. I need them!"

Before Ashton could speak, a voice spoke up,"You're staying with us, Luke."

He turned in confusion, eyes widening when seeing Coach Hood and his wife walking up with a sympathetic grin. He patted the boy's shoulder and assured,"We're going to be talking with an adoption lawyer, it may take a while but it will be worth it. Tonight, we're going to be moving your stuff in."

"If you're okay with this, of course," Mrs. Hood added, wanting to make sure he's alright.

Luke was stunned, opening and closing his mouth with no words coming out. He glanced at Calum, who was sitting on the steps of his porch. The boy didn't seem happy at all. He was frowning and looking at the ground, obviously already knowing and not wanting Luke to live with them.

Michael was there as well, not showing any emotion and just cuddled into Calum's side. No one from school was around and Calum's parents were too busy dealing with Luke to notice. Which was probably why Calum felt more hurt. Not even holding Michael because nothing mattered right now and Luke hated himself so much for causing all of this.

However, Ashton was standing next to him and giving his hand a tight squeeze. Luke didn't know what to do, he really loves Calum's home and family. But he hates Calum and Calum hates him. Considering all that's happened, he couldn't find himself liking Calum though he does care about him. Maybe this could be good, though.

Luke nodded,"O-Okay, thank you so much."

Mrs. Hood tugged Luke in for a hug, surprising him but he chuckled and hugged back. Instead of staying with them for the night, however, Luke was going to Ashton's. Too much was happening and Ashton's parents were told about Luke's much to his dismay. He didn't want to be known just because his parents were crazy people.

Ashton understood and apologized repeatedly as they went into his room. Luke just shrugged carelessly, silently laying on Ashton's bed as the boy showered after he took his own. He was wearing some pajamas he brought over and watched when Ashton went into the bathroom.

As soon as the door was shut, Luke found himself breathing heavily, finally letting out the tears. He held onto Ashton's pillow, sobbing into it and let it out. He screamed into it, wishing his parents weren't like this, wishing his life wasn't like this and just wishing he could be happy and not do stupid shit like let his parents control how he is.

He wanted to be normal, but what is normal? Normal is considering boring. He would rather be boring than abused. His words resurfaced from what he told Calum. He doesn't have to be abused; he's Luke. And though he said this, he wasn't feeling it that day as he drifted to sleep after crying his eyes out.

When Ashton got out of the shower and walked in, he ruffled his wet hair and noticed Luke was sleeping. He sighed sadly, tossing his towel to the side and placed his glasses on his bedside table. Ashton leaned down, brushing Luke's slightly damp hair from his face and pouted at the tears on his cheeks. He wiped them gently, kissing Luke's forehead lightly.

After much struggling, he moved Luke over and under the covers. Luke grumbled a bit and this time, Ashton held him. He knew it was breaking some boundaries, but luckily they already knew how the other feels. With that in mind, he held the boy who stole his heart and made Ashton feel pain yet love. 

A Luke's bruises were forgotten with pain relievers, but he still felt pain in his heart. And Ashton still had cuts on his arm, however he needed to focus on Luke. So much was going to happen tomorrow considering everything.

Ashton was going to be there for him. He was jealous of what happened between Luke and Michael, for many reasons and not just one. But, Luke needed him. He may not admit it but he does. Especially since he'll be moving in with Calum, who's the boyfriend of Michael who Luke had sex with.


	23. Chapter 23

It was a rough day for all the boys and there was a lot of tension. Everyone had something wrong going on. Luke was still confused after his parents being arrested, because he's sort of lost without them. Ashton was feeling the urge to relapse, Calum was angry at everyone except Ashton and Michael felt alone.

As of now, it's been a couple hours into the school day and everyone ate lunch in silence. There was an awkwardness in the air and Michael was sat with Calum, holding his hand under the table and trying to make him not be mad. He knew Calum was upset, not just over the sex thing with Luke but with something else.

No one told him about Luke moving in. Michael was there and he was comforting Calum when Luke was told, but no one bothered keeping with up to date with anything. He was clueless, trying to understand so he can make his boyfriend feel better. But, it wasn't working since he didn't know what was going on.

The thing is, Calum was aware of this. He was still jealous of Michael and Luke. He understood why they did it. Obviously Michael and Luke were allowed to do whatever they wanted since they weren't taken. They thought it would be better since they trusted each other and their first times were special, so in their minds it was perfect since they cared for each other.

Neither Luke nor Michael ever expected to date such wonderful people. Though, Luke and Ashton aren't actually together. Still, he had a chance and they didn't think they ever would. They wanted their first time to be full of a love that would never be lost. And friends are forever, but there's a chance of couples breaking up. First loves rarely last and their first time was perfect, which is all that mattered in the end.

Of course, Ashton didn't understand that no matter how much he tried. And Calum was more upset over the fact that Michael's first time was with Luke. Not that he wasn't a virgin. He hated that Michael was still so close to Luke, who he had sex with. Calum lost his to Maya, and they're not constantly together. But, Michael always says he misses Luke and it hurts Calum a lot.

Not only that his boyfriend talks about a guy a lot, but it's the guy he's clingy towards. The person he relies on, when he should be clingy towards Calum. His boyfriend. And Calum doesn't even like Luke in general, so this was a lot worse. He cares about Luke, but he doesn't like him. Which is confusing but the truth.

That's why he wanted to get Luke out of that house. He knew Luke felt the same as well considering he saved Calum from committing suicide. He loves Luke like a brother, who he hates. As strange as that is. If Luke ever got hurt, he'd help him. If he died, Calum would probably cry just as hard as Michael and Ashton. 

But, he still has this envy towards Luke. He wanted Michael's affection that he gave the blonde. It wasn't fair. Even though he's dating the guy, Michael still pays more attention to Luke. Calum shouldn't envy that. Luke just lost his parents who were abusing him, he shouldn't be selfish. But, this is the one thing he really wanted; Michael.

He wants Michael to show love and admiration towards him. He sometimes wonders if Michael truly is in love with Luke. If he's just lying to himself and his feelings are towards the tall blonde. But, he can see Michael doesn't look at Luke in that type of way. He believes Michael, he can tell he likes him. However, it's still hard to trust that when he thought back on how they had sex. 

He wonders if Luke felt any attraction towards Michael. Considering they've definitely touched each other intimately and kissed, Luke had to at least be sexually attracted to him. The thought made Calum cringe a bit and question everything. However, he glanced at Luke and knew right away that the guy was a hundred percent in love with Ashton, since he was staring at the boy with this fond expression as Ashton rambled about some movie. 

The movie didn't seem interesting at all. If anything, it sounded boring and bland. Something about a guy being an alien and there are nine people who are aliens and he's like, number four or something. Honestly, Luke was more fascinated with how excited Ashton was as he talked about the movie.

For the rest of lunch, there was still a lot of awkwardness but Luke was more worried about what he was about to do. He was really nervous since so much has happened recently. But, Ashton makes him so happy and he just didn't want to risk losing someone he cares about. He already lost his parents, and he lost all his somewhat friendliness towards Calum. He can't let Ashton get away easily like that.

After lunch, Luke quickly went to where Ashton was walking towards the double doors. He quickly grabbed his hands, pulling Ashton away from the crowd of students and towards an empty hall. Ashton stumbled, slamming into the boy and let out a sheepishly giggle as he looked at Luke through his black framed glasses.

Ashton asked in amusement,"What are you doing? I have class, silly."

"I - I..." Luke choked up slightly, all confidence going downhill and Ashton frowned a bit. Luke nervously took his hands from Ashton's, wiping the sweaty palms on his jeans and blushed when the shorter boy looked at him in confusion.

Ashton chuckled awkwardly,"You okay? Um, what's going on?"

Luke groaned slightly, trying to force out his words,"D-Do you wanna like, um, you know...go out? O-On a date or something? C-Cause, I mean, you don't have to. I just -- lately we've been going in circles and we kissed a couple times but you said you didn't want to date and I really want to stop letting this go. Cause, I like you a lot and you said you liked me. But, I dunno anymore."

A small blush formed on Ashton's face, smile taking over his features and dimples very prominent. He nodded shyly, tugging at his jacket sleeves and stuttered out,"Y-Yeah, okay. That sounds fun. When would we go? Like, did you have anything in mind or should I make the plans." Seeing Luke's amused look, Ashton mumbled,"Sorry, I haven't been on a date since I was fifteen. I forgot what it's like."

Luke just smiled, hearing the bell ring and quickly said,"It's fine, I haven't been on one in a year, so don't worry. Um, I have it all planned already, so it's cool." He then added frantically,"Not that I expected you to say yes! Cause, I totally didn't. I'm not that conceited or anything. I just --"

Ashton gave him a small kiss to shut him up and looked at him with a raised eyebrow,"Calm down, Luke. I think that's really sweet, actually. Now, I need to get to class before my teacher berserk. She's really vexatious sometimes. I'll text you later today, okay? Bye, and I can't wait for our...date."

With that said, Ashton rushed away with a huge grin on his face and Luke watched him for a second then left to his own class after getting his books. On his way there, he had the perfect day already planned and it was going to be perfect. However, he then sighed when remembering he had to move in with Calum today.

Apparently his things were already in the house and he didn't know if he liked that or not. Having his stuff in their home without him there. He was hoping Calum didn't go through his things. Because if he did then that may be awkward. No, he doesn't have naughty items but Calum doesn't know that and could be curious enough to want to.

When Luke got to art class, he grumbled when seeing Mitch across the room. The dark haired boy looked up at Luke, waving him over and Luke was tempted to go. Mitch did nothing wrong, in Luke's opinion. He didn't force Luke to go with him or to kiss him or to smoke. He suggested it and Luke easily said yes without much of a fight.

Nonetheless, he was trying not to smoke anymore. He's only done it a couple times and wasn't addicted. People say 'yeah right, that's what they all say'. But, it's true. Some people smoke for years and can easily quit cold turkey. It depends on the person and how their body takes it. It's if the person relies on the cigarette, enjoys it and wants to use it as a escape from stress.

Luke did want that, but he didn't need it and he was aware of that. So, he was able to stop himself. Sadly, he still owns a couple and he knew he had to throw them away. Ashton wouldn't want to date a smoker. Being around Mitch would only tempt him more and therefor he needed to avoid the guy. Especially since Mitch may still like him and try to move on him.

Despite seeing the hurt look on Mitch's face, Luke knew it was the right thing to do. He went to his table and sat down, getting out his sketchbook to start his warm up drawing. It was rude and maybe he should have said why he was abandoning Mitch, but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

Later that day, Luke was still hurt from his dad's abuse. Ashton's mum gave him pills earlier that morning for the pain but he wasn't able to run for track. Coach Hood obviously understood and when the other teammates shouted about favoritism, he snapped at them to run an extra lap and gave Luke a pitiful look.

Pity was Luke's least favorite word. He knew it wasn't fair that he kept ditching track yet still was on the team and now got to sit out. But, he reluctantly sat on the bleachers with the few girlfriends of the teammates. They were gossiping and rambling about hot singers like Zayn Malik and Kellin Quinn. He nearly snorted at the difference but then thought it over and shrugged since they were actually somewhat similar in looks and personality. Sort of.

Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder and Luke glanced up to see Michael giving him a timid smile. He awkwardly smiled back and looked down. Ever since yesterday, things have been tense between them. He was kind of mad Michael told the boys, especially Ashton, before he could himself. He knew Michael was in a situation where he couldn't like. So, he didn't blame him. He just wished they could have took a moment to explain more properly.

Ashton hasn't seem to angry or upset over it, but that may be because they're not officially together. Now, Luke couldn't look at Michael without having their intimate moment in his mind. He never blocked it out before, but he hasn't thought about it either since they promised to keep it a secret which eventually pushed it away forever. 

Michael suddenly said quietly,"I-I'm really sorry, Lukey."

"Please don't call me that," Luke frowned, ignoring Michael's hurt expression. He turned and sat up on the top bleacher where Michael was so they were away from the girls. "Listen, we...we need to seperate for a bit. I know it sounds bad, but I think Calum is getting jealous and I hate him so much right now --"

"H-He was just trying to help," Michael interjected, defending his boyfriend. He knew Calum called the police, he just didn't know Luke was moving in. However, he held Luke's hand as if to say he's sorry for defending Calum over him. He's really not, because he's been wanting to call the cops for so long. He just never could. Literally. Because the police scare him and would end up choking up.

Luke scoffed,"Whatever. But, he's getting jealous and I may hate him at the moment, but he really likes you. A lot. And I think he's suspicious of us. I don't really blame him. We're really couple-y and it's not good. I don't mind it, but i'm going out with Ashton tomorrow and I can't be holding hands with you if I end up with him."

Michael slouched his shoulders a bit, seeing Luke take his hand away and whispered,"I-It's just holding hands."

"No, it's really not. Michael, please. You know it's more. To you it may seem friendly, but to Calum and everyone else it's not. I wouldn't mind, but I would hate to see Ashton holding another guys hand. Wouldn't you hate seeing Calum holding someone's hand?" Luke tried reasoning. Considering Michael isn't getting where he's going with this, he figured giving him an example would help.

At first Michael wanted to object and say he wouldn't care. However, his eyes landed on where his boyfriend was doing push ups and he felt himself blush a little. He tried thinking of when Calum and Maya use to hold hands. How jealousy would instantly fill him and so he reluctantly nodded.

So, Luke gave him a sad smile and patted his back. Michael knew he was right but it still hurt. It was almost like a break up but with a best friend. He knew Luke just meant well. Secretly, he knew Luke was doing this for Calum. Even though Luke says he hates the guy, Michael knew he didn't.

If he hated Calum so much, then why would he care about his feelings and him being jealous? If he truly didn't like the guy then he would have purposely been closer to Michael and made Calum more jealous. But, he didn't and that just proved how much he cares about Calum. 

Meanwhile, speaking of Calum, he was heading towards the locker rooms after practice was over. He overheard the latest gossip and would usually join in as if he cared. But, he didn't and right now he was more worried about having Luke staying with him. His dad was driving them both home and it was weird calling his home Luke's as well.

As he changed, he could see the others watching him which was really awkward. But, he simply tugged on his hoodie and ruffled his hair since he already showered. It was damp, however he didn't mind and grabbed his bag along with his shoes. On his way out, he was tugged back and stumbled into Garrett, his old 'friend'.

The guy smirked slightly and said,"You know, I saw something quite interesting yesterday."

"O-Oh, um what?" Calum felt his heart pounding in his chest and was hoping it wasn't him and Michael making out. Maybe he shouldn't have kissed Michael during school. It was really risky.

But, Garrett tsked,"Someone's been hanging out with that club of losers. The studying thing? Whatever it is. And, not only that, you're sitting with them at lunch."

"Why does it matter? When has my life ever been a concern of yours?" Calum grumbled, snatching his arm away and crossed his over his chest. He was feeling more confident after getting the nerve to call the cops for Luke. After that, he figured he could do anything now.

Garrett glared at him and gripped the front of Calum's shirt while pulling him till their scowls were met,"Listen here, you backstabbing asshole. If you really think you can go around and hang out with those faggots, think again. You're on this team and that means your reputation matches with ours. You're not allowed to hang out with them if you're with us. It's either those gay losers or the team. Think wisely."

Calum gulped slowly, keeping up a front until Garrett let him go and walked away. Calum smoothed out his shirt and nervously watched the rest of the team leave. His old friends. The ones he thought cared about him but they only care about themselves and he's just realized that. Yet, he still felt the need to be accepted by them. And now he has two choices.

The track team or his misfit team. 

The choice seemed so obvious, but for Calum it was death either way. If he chose the track team, then he would definitely lose not only his boyfriend, but three amazing people who actually care about him. However, he loved running and people say to do what they love. It's not always that simply, though. 

His dad may be the coach of the team, but his teammates had a lot of baggage on him that they can tell his dad. How he smoked once, how he always drank and lots of shit that could get him in troughly. He never thought it would come to this but it has and he didn't know what to do.

As he left the locker room, he saw the team already left and ran a hand through his damp hair. He blinked a few times when drowsiness hit him and suddenly jumped as a person hugged him tightly. He noticed it was Michael and didn't have time to react as the boy kissed him sweetly.

It made him smile a bit, but then he remembered what Garrett said and tried pushing that away. He saw Luke watching them awkwardly and glared. Luke huffed, walking to where Calum's dad's car was. His dad was still in the office and so he had a minute or so to be with Michael.

Michael smiled softly at him until seeing his sad expression. He asked in concern,"A-Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not, love. Just stressed right now, okay?" He told him honestly and pressed his lips to the shorter boy's lightly. He leaned his forehead against Michael's and felt his heart flutter as Michael wrapped his arms around his neck.

Michael questioned with a frown,"Cause m-me and Luke...did that?"

"Not fully, no. I'm just a little jealous, but I'll get over it." He then glanced at where Luke was waiting and said to Michael,"He's moving in with me and I really don't want him to. My parents are gonna adopt him and I guess I don't want to be brothers with him, you know? We're already fighting so much. I don't think this will benefit either of us."

A frown formed on Michael's face and he lightly pressed his hand on Calum's cheek, telling him,"Be nice. L-Luke is my friend, please t-try to be his too? He cares a-about you."

"I care about him too, sometimes," Calum chuckled a bit and saw Michael shivering a bit. He wrapped his arms tighter around the boy and pressed kisses to his cheek causing him to giggle. "Not as much as I care about you, though. You have such a cute laugh, my little kitten."

Michael's face turned red and he stuttered,"W-What? No."

"No what?" Calum asked in confusion.

Michael giggled a bit and mumbled,"D-Don't call me that. I-It's weird."

"I like it, though. You're basically a kitten, it's not a bad thing. You're cute and cuddly and your eyes are really green. I love them a lot, do you not like the name? I'm sorry, I just couldn't stop thinking about calling you that," Calum sheepishly admitted, always thinking of Michael as a cute little baby cat.

At first Michael was still bashfully avoiding Calum's eyes but then he just mumbled,"O-Okay." And Calum beamed, hugging him and pulled away when his dad showed up. He knew Michael didn't hate the name, just that he got flustered when being called it. It'll obviously take some getting use to.

He waved goodbye to Michael and the boy walked home alone while Luke and Calum got in the car. He drove to school with his dad since he wanted them all to drive together. Luke got to sit in the front while Calum was in the back since 'Luke's the guest'. But, he's not. He's living with them so why should he get special privileges? 

Luke noticed Calum's grumpy face and felt bad. He hated how he was making Calum dislike him even more now. He wanted a fresh start with the guy, but so far it's not working. He just smiled as Calum's dad spoke and would occasionally comment on a few of the stories he told. 

When they got to Calum's house, Luke felt awkward. He's only been there twice and only downstairs, so he got a tour from Calum's mum who was overly nice. He knew it was cause of the abuse. She meant well, but was basically treating him like a broken puppy who would whimper at whatever's said to him.

After an hour of her constantly asking if he's okay and if he needs anything, Luke finally got to go to his room which was really Calum's too. The Hood family may be rich, but they only had four rooms and one was for Mali whenever she visits from Uni which has all her items in it. Then the other room is a study and gym type place that was used too much for him to move in.

The room was full of his shit everywhere. Bags and boxes and he noticed the bed he was given wasn't his. It was a futon which is a couch that turns into a bed. He didn't mind at all, it was more comfy than his old bed. But, despite the room being big, it was sort of crowded since they had two dressers, a TV stand, two night stands and a desk along with a bed and futon in one whole room.

Calum must have noticed too, but didn't speak to Luke as the blonde awkwardly started placing things in his dresser that matched Calums, however was a tall one instead of a chest. For a while neither spoke and Luke winced as Calum blared his music loudly . He knew he was doing it on purpose.

He tried not to complain and just continued unpacking. However, Calum suddenly walked over and sat on the futon. He watched Luke unpack and nosily went through his stuff. Luke didn't have anything to hide so he let him and just folded his boxers in the last drawer of his dresser.

But then Calum's breath hitched, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and he sneered,"Luke, what the hell?! You brought cigarettes in my house?"

"C-Calum, shush!" Luke frantically shut the door, seeing Calum's angered expression. He tried snatching the cigarettes away but Calum held them back and scowled. "Please, I - I don't anymore! It's been a couple weeks and I've stopped. I promise, Asthon's been helping me a bit. I only smoked a few times and it was stupid. But, I'm not gonna anymore."

"Then why do you still have them?"

"I..." Luke found himself unable to answer that. "I don't really know."

A silence fell and Calum shook his head a bit, walking over to the window and tossed them out. Luke slumped on the futon and buried his face in his hands. He was really frusrated, unsure of what to say anymore. Before either could say anything, they were called down for dinner.

Luke was worried Calum might say something, but when he went downstairs, Calum just sat at the table. Luke followed awkwardly, unsure of what to do and sat next to Calum. His parents went across from them and Calum was more angry since they never eat together as a family, but suddenly they are.

It was quiet and they passed around plates and food and it was like a dinner Luke always wanted. He was self conscious, though. Taking small bits and barely any mash potatoes until Mr.Hood assured he could take more and eat up like a man. Luke just chuckled, sheepishly taking more and ate politely.

Which made Mrs.Hood laugh since Calum and Mr.Hood ate messily and shoved their faces with food. He grimaced and shook his head in amusement. He was always yelled at to eat correctly whenever his parents had guest. Those were the only times he was allowed to actually eat a meal.

Suddenly Luke gasped, realizing he had no money to take Ashton out. Calum's mum asked in worry,"Are you alright dear?"

"O-Oh, um sorry. I just realized something and yeah," He mentally face-palmed when noticing he gasped out loud.

She looked at him with a frown,"Oh, what is it? You seem quit upset. We can always help, you know."

"I-It's nothing, I just had this...date tomorrow. I forgot I didn't have money," He didn't want to say that since he knew they would offer some. But, he also didn't want to lie to them.

Calum raised an eyebrow, smirking a bit since he knew it was Ashton and figured they would finally get together. His mum told Luke with a smile,"Aww, that's so sweet. We can lend you some money, hun. Wouldn't want to make the poor girl pay, that would be a bad impression."

"It's not a girl."

A tension was felt, Calum gripping his fork tightly and not looking up from his place. Luke didn't look bothered at all and casually continued eating as Mr. and Mrs. Hood had blank expressions on his faces. He did it on purpose. Saying he's going out with a guy can test the parents for Calum. If they're homophobic, Luke can find another place to stay. Then Calum would know not to come out. At least, not till after he's eighteen.

Mr.Hood asked in a mono-tone,"You're gay?"

"I'm Luke," He shrugged. "I like who I want to like. His name is Ashton. He was the guy that helped plan Michael's party before. You met him, yeah? Or at least saw him."

Much to both the boy's surprise, the parents smiled and Mrs. Hood said sweetly,"That's nice dear, I can give you some money before you're date."

As they went back to eating, Calum's food was left cold and he turned to Luke with an awed expression. The boy just patted Calum's leg and took a bite of his food. Calum was speechless at their reaction. He didn't think they were homophobic but he didn't think they weren't either.

But as he went to shower, he couldn't help but still worry. Parents may not care if their son's friend is gay. It's not their kid or their 'problem' to worry about. However, it's different with their own child. They may accept Luke but not Calum and that's what scared him the most.

He couldn't help but worry and that night, he couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned and Luke was on his futon. His room felt hotter with the more space being filled. He kicked one leg out, he took off all his blankets, he tried counting sheep but nothing was working and he hated it so much. It was more frustrating since he is tired but just can't fall asleep. He was nearly crying at how annoying it was.

Suddenly Luke was crawling into his bed and Calum went to yell at him, but the blonde just laid on top of the covers with his own blanket. Calum was confused, but Luke told him to turn around and Calum awkwardly did as told. He felt Luke's fingers drawn soft patterns on his back and it soothed it gently.

His hand were cold and fingertips calloused, but the rough texture made it even more relaxing. He closed his eyes, trying to sleep and Luke softly hummed out a tune that made Calum's breath go even and body fill with goosebumps. Not because he was falling for Luke. He definitely wasn't, that's for sure. He likes Michael. But, because he finally fell asleep for the first time in two years. 

All thanks to Luke.

-

"Today's topic is lies."

Luke was sat on his usual chair, and for once everyone was actually decently happy. Calum was still stressed and Michael was still a bit upset over what Luke said the day before, however they were more happy than they use to be and the club was finally starting to go the way it's suppose to.

The morning between Luke and Calum was awkward. Neither knew what to say when waking up next to one another and Luke had to stay up and make sure Calum was sleeping, meaning he only got five hours of sleep. However, unlike Calum, he didn't have insomnia and wasn't too tired since that rarely happens and his body was rested enough for him to function.

They both just decided to ignore it and made a mental deal to do that every night. Only, it meant they needed to go to bed earlier so Luke was fairly rested. He didn't mind. Maybe it could help Calum's body get use to sleeping in a routine. He also received twenty dollars from Calum's parents and Calum decided not to be jealous since Luke did help him before.

Everyone's day went fairly well and Ashton kept blushing whenever Luke would look at him. It was cute and they were both obviously excited for their date that was going to be right after the meeting. He had it planned and Calum's mum let him borrow her car since he didn't have one yet Calum did. 

He sighed and said chirpily,"Alright, the questions for today are what's the biggest lie you told and why did you lie? I guess the question may be hard to answer since people lie everyday. So maybe just say what's the one that covered the biggest truth behind it. We need to promise not to get mad at the other if someone says something that was told to another person in here."

Everyone nodded and agreed. Like usual, it started with Michael who hesitantly said,"My biggest lie was; I already ate. And um, t-the truth i-is I didn't."

Luke nodded sadly, wanting to give Michael's knee a comforting squeeze but Calum leaned across and gave him a kiss on the cheek making Michael smile slightly. He was holding his Malum lion and wanted to make it sing, however he knew he shouldn't. The song is for him and Calum to hear. That's it.

Luke turned to Ashton and asked timidly,"Your lie?"

"I'm fine."

Everyone watched as Ashton fidgeted a bit, not wanting to admit that's his lie. Since he always says it. Same question, same answer. That's how it goes. People should know that and they do. Luke went to ask the second question, but as per usual, Ashton was always ahead of the game.

He continued,"I say it cause the person doesn't care. If they asked the question everyone else asks, they should know they're get the same response. If they truly cared, they would ask something else. Cause, it's more like I'm saying what they want to hear. They don't want my problems. If I told them I'm not, they wouldn't know what to say. So, it doesn't matter anyways. They'll still just walk away."

"Ashton-"

"Nope, it's fine." Ashton chuckled a bit and the bitter joke he just made. He saw the look in Luke's eyes and hesitantly crossed his sleeve covered arms. "Anyways, Calum, I'm curious about your answer. Why don't you talk now? C'mon, I bet you have a good one, buddy."

Calum rolled his eyes and told his lie,"I'm straight."

Luke held back a chuckle, clearing his throat,"O-Okay, um, what was the truth behind it?"

"Well, I'm obviously not," Calum sent Michael a small wink and Michael buried his face in the stuffed animal with a grin. He shook his head in amusement,"I guess it just took some time for me to accept myself. I think I'm fully gay. I can't be a hundred percent sure since i've never kissed another guy."

"Kiss me."

Luke's eyes widened, Michael's head snapping up and Calum gaping at Ashton who blushed a bit. 

Ashton scratched the back of his head awkwardly,"Stop staring at me like that. I - I just think maybe it would be best if like, he could stop worrying about his sexuality. If we kiss, then like...it'll be confirmed more? I mean, we're not dating yet," Ashton motioned between him and Luke,"And, Michael wouldn't mind, right? It's just a small kiss. We're not gonna make out or anything."

Calum hesitated,"Ew, um...I mean, ugh. I guess? But, only if Michael is okay with it."

Everyone turned to Michael who was frowning a bit. He didn't want to see his boyfriend kiss another guy. He wanted to be the only guy Calum ever kissed. However, he knew Calum was struggling with his sexuality. It could help, and Ashton definitely likes Luke. Anyone can see that.

He nodded unwillingly and Luke was mad he didn't get a say in this. Surely he should since him and Ashton are literally going on a date in less than an hour. However, he just slouched in his seat with a pout as Calum awkwardly scooted closer to Ashton, the two barely able to look at each other.

Ashton turned to face him more, Calum lightly placing his hand on the boy's cheek and dropped it when Luke kicked him in the knee. He glared, but sighed when hearing Ashton giggle like an idiot. Cause wow, Luke's so jealous. Calum leaned in slightly, but hesitated and Ashton just groaned, pulling Calum by his shirt and pressing his lips to the boy's.

It lasted barely a second until Calum pulled away and wiped his mouth with a grimace. Ashton pouted,"Hey! I'm not that bad of a kisser, asshole!" He looked at Luke questioningly,"Wait, am I?"

"No, you're the best kisser ever," Luke confirmed.

Calum shook his head a bit,"Okay, well that was awkward."

Ashton waved a hand in dismissal,"Whatever. Are you gay or not?"

"I mean, it wasn't...bad. Just weird. Cause you're my friend and I'm taken. But, it felt better than when Maya and I kissed," Calum said thoughtfully, brushing his fingertips on his lips. Ashton's lips were definitely more full than Maya's, but she just has thin lips. They felt different than a girls and he kind of liked that. Not the kiss, but the texture of it. He liked kissing Michael a lot more though.

Suddenly, Michael was walking over and sitting on Calum's lap. He wrapped his arms around his neck and quickly pressed his lips to the boy's, mumbling,"N-No more kissing other people. O-Only me, please?"

"Yeah, I promise babe," Calum sheepishly said, seeing the other boy's chuckling a bit. "Alright, Luke you're turn. We got side-tracked, I guess."

"My biggest lie is 'I got in a fight'," He admitted, then said,"I guess it was to hide my home life and parents and stuff. But, that's over now."

Ashton smiled softly at him, proud his soon-to-be boyfriend and Luke got up, going to the back. Everyone expected him to take out their suitcase since it's Friday. But, instead he came out with a Santa hat and sat back down, seeing their confused expressions and laughed a bit. 

He told them with a smile,"Christmas is soon and I thought we could do a secret santa instead this Friday and next. Today we'll be picking names and you can't tell anyone who you got. I made a few piles, making sure my name wasn't in mine and Michael's wasn't in his, etc. So we wouldn't pick our own. So, let's pick our names."

It took a while since Luke had to keep refilling the hat but soon Calum went, sighing and sat down while stuffing the paper in his pocket. Michael went, grimacing a bit at his and chewed on his bottom lip nervously. Ashton smiled when walking over, taking one and pouted a bit. Finally, Ashton held the hat for Luke, who smiled a bit at his person.

After choosing that there was no price limited, only to keep the person in mind and to actually get them something meaningful and that they will like, they all agreed. They had a week to get the present and it seemed like a while, but it really wasn't and everyone was worried about what to get their person.

That was it for the club and they all walked out after cleaning up the classroom. Michael and Calum left, Calum going to drop him off since he had to help his dad with something. Ashton and Luke, however, left for their date and Ashton was thinking of what to get his person for the secret Santa.

However, he chose not to think about it too much and to enjoy his date with Luke. He was excited yet nervous, occasionally glancing at the blonde. His outfit wasn't good enough for the date but hopefully Luke didn't mind. Ashton was just wearing skinny jeans, a grey shirt and black jacket over it with his glasses.

Suddenly they pulled up into a little bistro and Luke grinned, taking Ashton's hand as they got out. Ashton was silent and surprised, taking in the small restaurant with a smile. He let Luke talk to the waiter,them walking over to the table and sitting across from one another while looking at the menu.

Ashton spoke up after a moment,"So, um, a restaurant?"

"Y-Yeah, is it a bad idea? Cause, that's not the whole date, I promise!" Luke assured, nervously chewing on his nail and quickly stopped when Ashton chuckled a bit.

He told the blonde, placing his hand over Luke's,"It's fine, even if this was just the whole date. I just like being with you."

Luke smiled thankfully, taking Ashton's hand and kissing the back of it. Ashton giggled like an idiot, rolling his eyes at the cliche gesture and Luke just winked. They ordered together, deciding to share since they were getting the same thing anyways. It was sweet in their own opinions and Luke was happy to share with Ashton.

As the dinner moved on, they talked while waiting for the food. Ashton would tell him about what he wants to be when he grows up, Luke saying he's still unsure and they discussed stupid things like favorite colors, even though Luke knew Ashton's was blue from their club meeting discussing self-harm and did the butterfly project.

When their meal, Alfredo, did come they both shared and same with the bread sticks. Luke was laughing, seeing Ashton had sauce on his lips. He leaned over with a napkin and playfully wiped his face. Ashton laughed, blushing a bit and snatched the napkin, wiping his mouth himself.

It was really sweet, the two of them enjoying themselves for once. There was no fighting, shouting, sadness or horrible fathers nor crazy mothers ruining it. It was just the two of them. They were laughing without worrying about anything, they were flirting carelessly and talking deeply about anything and everything.

When they did finish eating, Luke suggested they got ice cream despite Ashton saying he was full. They held hands, walking to the ice cream shop nearby and Ashton noticed they were by the beach. It was getting a bit dark out but the sun was still up and everything was slowly seeming familiar.

Luke led Ashton in the shop, wrapping an arm around his waist as they went up to the cashier. Luke ordered a butter pecan ice cream and asked Ashton,"What do you want, babe?"

U-Uh, vanilla with sprinkles. Two scoops," He said though questioningly in case it was too much. He offered to pay but Luke insisted and Ashton pleaded,"C'mon, you got dinner."

"Nope, I asked you out therefor I'm paying," Luke said triumphantly, already handing the amused lady the money. Thankfully she wasn't impatient or else she may have chopped their balls off.

While she got the ice cream ready, Luke noticed Ashton had a thoughtful look on his face while staring outside towards the beach. He walked up behind him, placing his hands on Ashton's shoulders and kissing his cheek from behind. Ashton craned his neck and smiled, kissing his lips quickly.

Their names were called and they both got their ice cream, thanking her. On their way out, Luke said they should go on the beach and Ashton just agreed like always. The two spent an hour walking and talking even more. Luke even chased after Ashton with his ice cream and threatened to smush it on his face until Ashton admitted Luke is a 'total hunk'.

He was lying.

Because, Luke is beautiful. He's not a 'hunk', he's just pure perfection and would love to stare at him. Which he did as they walked along the beach, Luke's arm around his shoulder and Ashton's around his waist. The sun was setting and it was truly a beautiful sight to see, but Ashton would rather look at Luke.

Luke suggested,"Wanna go on the swings?"

Ashton was confused, however gaped a bit when seeing a playground on the beach. It was all the way towards the boardwalk so it didn't get wet and he looked at Luke with an amused expression. He knew what Luke was doing and he couldn't help but feel his stomach fill with butte flies.

Before he could speak, Luke grabbed his hand and the two raced towards the playground. At first Luke pushed him on the swing and it was cute, even if Ashton was pretty heavy. Luke was in shape since doing track. He would just let the swing go on it's own and watch for a while.

But then they got bored of it and decided to actually play on the playground. Ashton rolled his eyes as Luke tried climbing up the slide, being way too tall and looking like an idiot. He was watching him fondly. However, he then smacked Luke's ass and shrieked when Luke jumped off, running after him.

Ashton was panting a bit, not very in shape. However, Luke tackled him onto the sad which wasn't the most comfortable thing ever. Ashton looked at him with bright hazel eyes and his glasses weren't on fully. But, Luke took them off and stared into them. Nothing in the way this time.

Ashton felt self-conscious, not being use to someone looking into his eyes. Luke loved it, though. He could see the specks of green and brown mixed in those hazel eyes. It was truly gorgeous in his opinion. Never has he thought someone was so perfect. And Ashton wasn't, that's for sure. But, Luke probably fell harder for him in that moment.

When Ashton saw Luke leaning in, he thought he was going to kiss him. But, then Luke stood up and took his hand. Ashton mentally frowned, though let Luke lead him towards wherever the hell they were going now. They've spent four hours together already, just eating ice cream, dinner, playing on the playground and walking on the beach. What else is next?

His question was answered when Luke went towards the car. He grabbed a picnic blanket and Ashton grinned as they went back on the beach. Luke laid out the blanket, the two laying down and holding hands but not cuddling or anything. Their fingers simply entwined in between their bodies.

They stared at the stars.

Suddenly, Ashton's eyes watered slightly as he looked at the sky. He turned to Luke with a heartfelt smile and Luke turned to him. He saw the tears and for once he wasn't worried. Because, they were tears of joy that never fell. Ashton rolled over and pressed his lips to Luke's quickly, repeatedly and Luke just kissed him back.

Ashton smiled against his lips, upper half of his body hovering over Luke. He felt Luke holding his waist and pulling him closer. His arm winced a bit from his cuts but it didn't matter. Not here or now. Because he was with Luke and for once he was happy because Luke listened to him when no one else did. He listened to everything Ashton said.

"You took me on my perfect date," He noticed, leaning his forehead on Luke's.

Luke shrugged, running his hands through Ashton's fringe,"You deserved it."

Ashton admitted,"I didn't think you'd remember."

"Of course I would, I like you a lot Ashton. I have since you walked into the club. I mean, we had our moments but you make me really happy and I just like you a lot," Luke rambled a bit, shyly looking at the boy with him, moonlight outlining his features and he looked like an angel.

He leaned up and kissed Ashton once more, smiling when seeing how happy and bight Ashton looked for once in his life. Not a fake or small smile, it was a full on grin that was beautiful. But, Ashton tried covering it with his hand.

Luke pulled his hand away and he told Ashton, knowing it was what he was most insecure thing about himself,"You're smile is beautiful, bug. Never hide it. It's my favorite thing about you other than your personality. 

"Thank you," Ashton said, not denying or confirming it. Because he may not believe it, but the compliment made him smile even bigger. However, he then added;

"And don't call me that."

"Like I'd ever listen to you, bug."

"Seriously, don't," Ashton pleaded.

Luke covered his ears and closed his eyes while singing,"Not listening!"

"Stop it!" Ashton exclaimed, trying to pull Luke's hands from his ears.

He groaned, not succeeding and then shrieked when Luke wrestled him onto the blanket, pinning him down easily. Ashton whined, struggling against his grip and luckily he had his glasses off or else his mum would murder him.

Ashton pouted,"Lucas!"

"Yes, bug?" 

Ashton glared and Luke grinned cheekily.

And they kissed again.


	24. Chapter 24

You could say living with Calum started getting worse. It wasn't like Luke was trying to make it harder. He and Calum were getting along at first, they did sleep together and Luke would help him sleep for the first two days. But, after that it got annoying and the two couldn't handle it.

Luke tried, he really did, but it didn't work. Ashton couldn't come over and Luke wasn't allowed to go over there either. They're not quite together yet but you can basically say they are. However, Luke was snappy lately from the constant clinging he had to do to Calum. He hates relying on him, but living with the guy meant he had. 

Because, he needed to have Calum wake him up, he needed Calum to show him where some things were and he needed Calum to help show him how to use the shower. Calum had to drive him to school, Calum had to help with the laundry and it not only annoyed Luke, but also the boy himself. 

Now, Luke knew it was annoying Calum too. He doesn't blame him since it must be frustrating to have a boy he hates constantly ask him for help. Luke is annoyed just asking. He couldn't imagine being in his shoes. If it was him, he would have punched the guy by now but he didn't know everything Calum was dealing with.

He was sure Calum was frustrated with other things aside from him and he was slightly worried. Considering they stopped the 'help with sleep' routines, he figured Calum was stressed. He remembered waking up on the futon sometimes and seeing Calum on his phone, staring at the ceiling or watching TV with it only up to two volumes. 

It's nice that Calum was considerate of Luke's feelings sometimes. He knew Calum's parents couldn't hear the TV since they have a bedroom downstairs. So, it wasn't necessary for him to keep it so low. Yet, he did to not wake Luke up and Luke found that really sweet. He admires Calum sometimes, even if he doesn't like admitting it. 

Now, he knew Calum's parents were trying to help. But, all they've done is annoy him to no end so he can finally relate to however Calum is feeling. They're hovering over him, asking about Ashton a lot and making sure he's okay. If he's sleeping well, if he's having nightmares -- and he loves how they care, but he never admitted he does have them because he didn't like the worrying they're doing. 

The family is nice and the house is beautiful, but deep inside Luke kind of missed his own room even if it was tiny and smelled like cigarettes after a while. And he knew by now that Calum did do the right thing for telling his dad, however he sort of misses his parents.Aside from the beatings, insults and how they technically hated him. 

So far the adoption process was going well and Luke didn't understand why he needed to be adopted since he'll be eighteen in about seven months. However, the Hood's wanted to be able to take full custody of him and handle health responsibilities and be legally responsible for him. Which seemed like much considering they did it right away, but Luke kind of loved how they are serious about him being their 'kid', because it showed how honest they are with everything.

It was another typical morning and Luke was honestly trying to think of what to get for the person he picked for the Secret Santa project with the misfits. He had something planned out but wanted the person he had to like it a lot. Thankfully, Mrs.Hood didn't mind giving him some money much to Calum's annoyance and jealousy.

He noticed how pissed off Calum was when they got in the car. There was a tension in the air and no one bothered to look at the other. Luke felt bad like always, having the money she gave him and not aware that Calum had to work for his money. The Hood's were pitying Luke, though. And Calum didn't seem to realize that wasn't exactly a good thing.

But, Luke was understanding. He knew Calum was just mad. That he just wanted to be with his family like before. He barely got attention unless it was for scolding or his dad driving him to school. Now, he can't even have that five minute bonding time like he use to since he either drives Luke to school or Luke is joining them for the ride and his dad talks to him more.

As they pulled into the school, Luke sighed and got out of the car with Calum. Neither noticed the people watching them walk out together and they didn't see Garrett had saw them walking out of Calum's house earlier that day, considering he lives next door to him and maybe Calum should have thought that through. But, he didn't.

When they walked inside the school, a guy from the team rushed over to them and he smacked Luke's hat off his head, laughing,"Hey freak, noticed you found a new place to stay. Did someone's parents get sick of dealing with the druggie? Wouldn't blame since you're pretty damn pathetic."

Luke frowned, picking the hat off the floor and Calum's eyes widened when hearing this. Not because the guy was teasing Luke, but because people somehow know they live together now. Luke saw his expression and before he could speak, Garrett was walking over with a smirk on his face.

He joked with a hint of truly believing his words,"Guess you should've watched who you let live with you. Cause, neither of you are the best at hiding things. I saw you two walking out of the house for the last few days.I put the pieces together, guys. I bet Luke the faggot overhear corrupted you, huh? You two must fuck each other everynight, queers."

A pained expression filled Calum's face while Luke just rolled his eyes. He shoved passed the two and ignored Calum, walking to his locker. He was use to getting bullied and didn't realize it was all new to Calum. Instead of worrying about it, he just opened his locker and got out his books.

He glanced over to where Calum was leaning against his own locker with a sleepy expression. Drawing soft patterns with his finger on Calum's back wasn't working and they got annoyed of laying together ever night. Luke felt bad but didn't know what to do, plus Calum has been a bitch to him since his parents started paying more attention to him.

It was hard to get mad back, because Luke understood even if he doesn't completely. He has an idea of what Calum is feeling and would rather just let Calum be pissed off. So, he ran a hand through his hair and just moved his eyes from the jerk, towards his own locker and started getting things out for class.

While doing so, he fixed up his messy hair and was happy to see his bruises were practically gone. The visible ones, at least. The ones on his sides and stomach were still a weird yellow color. Before he could think anymore, the bell rang and he groaned, but left to his history class that Calum was actually in.

On his way there, he noticed people staring as they walked down the hall and whispering. Possibly gossiping about why he's living with Calum and it made him uncomfortable. Suddenly there was a heavy weight on his back and he stumbled, gripping onto a familiar pair of thighs and saw sleeve-covered arms wrap around him. 

He glanced up, Ashton leaning his chin on Luke's shoulder and grinning,"Lukey, Good morning! I tried texting you but you never responded, so I figured I'd just surprise you."

"Well, you definitely surprised me! I practically dropped you and now...you're...choking me," Luke breathed out, sighing in relief when Ashton loosened his arms around his neck and just tightened his legs around Luke's waist while apologizing quickly. Luke just shrugged,"It's fine, and sorry. I don't have a phone right now, considering everything. My parents paid for my phone. I don't really understand why, but whatever. I guess they thought it made up for everything."

Ashton frowned and hopped off Luke's back, taking his hand as they walked to their classes that were close by,"Aww, don't say that. It doesn't make up for anything! Let's not talk about that, love. Unless you want to, of course." Luke shook his head and so Ashton smiled timidly,"Okay. Well, I figured we could hang out later today. You know, go out again...? If you want to."

He noticed how Ashton is always making sure he agrees with everything. It was sweet, but worrying since it's like Ashton doesn't know he can have an opinion. Luke went to say yes, but then remembered he needed to go the police station with the Hood's about his parents. He didn't see why, but it was important for him to be there.

When he told Ashton this, the boy sighed sadly but nodded. He knew it was legal reasons for Luke to be there and shouldn't be upset over it and he's not. So, Luke walked Ashton to class and gave him a small kiss goodbye which made Ashton smile. He ruffled his wavy hair and Ashton rolled his eyes before going into class.

He went over to the front desk and put on his glasses, taking out his homework. However, as he flipped through his notebook he frantically searched through his binder as well when seeing it wasn't there. Panic rushed through him, knowing he did it because his mum checked and everything.

Ashton shook his head as he saw the teacher walk around to check it. He know he did it. He did it and his mum checked. It was his math homework, she always checks it. There's no way she would let him sleep without making sure he did all his work. Which is why she hasn't been letting Luke over.

Suddenly his teacher walked towards his desk and asked,"Homework, Mr.Irwin?"

"Mrs. I swear, I did it! I can't find it, but I did it. I promise, you can even call my mum," He pleaded, wanting her to believe him. He's a straight A student, he wouldn't lie about this. Except, he did get that one B and cringed at the thought. Other than that, he's straight A's and would never skip a homework.

She chuckled sadly, assuring,"Calm down, it's one missing homework. Don't worry, it won't effect your grade too badly. Because I know you're a good student, I will let you turn it in tomorrow and dock ten points off. At least you'll have a grade in. Don't panic too much over it, Ashton."

A look of disbelief crossed his face as she walked off and started class. Docking ten points off? His mum will kill him. That will make his over-all homework grade drop by at least three points, and homework is 20% of the class's grade. He can't let that happen, he already has an A- in math, now it could turn to a B. 

Ashton chewed his nail nervously, feeling stressed as he fidgeted with his pencil. He can't do this. Why won't she just let him turn it in later today? Would she still drop the grade? He knew she would. She does it all the time. Just thinking about that made him feel anxious and like he couldn't breath.

He quickly asked to go to the bathroom, rushing out as she said yes and he tugged at his sleeves, picking at his cuts as he went to the bathroom. Ashton paced slightly, mumbling over and over again what he could do. What excuses he could tell his mum aside from 'I forgot' because that doesn't work with her. There's no such thing as forgetting in his house.

He wanted so badly to call Luke and ask him to go to the bathroom so he could calm down. But, then he remembered Luke doesn't have a phone and Ashton felt his eyes tear up in frustration as he tried calming his breaths. He leaned against the wall, taking out his wallet and pulled out a small razor he keeps in there.

It was so shiny, begging to be used as release and Ashton shakily let out a breath as he rolled up his sleeve revealing his clean arm that had small scars that were barely visible. He's been cutting on his thighs but that's too much effort for him and Ashton pressed it to his skin and instantly felt release as he killed his 'Luke' butterfly.

He didn't care anymore. Luke wasn't able to be there for him and it's not the blonde's fault, so he wasn't going to be mad at him. He was mad at himself for relying on someone who can't always be there. Luke has other things going on in his life. His parents were just arrested, so he shouldn't bother him with his stupid problems.

But then he felt tears fall when he realized he betrayed Luke. That he killed the butterflies and has been lying about not cutting because his legs were covered with bandaids to hide the cuts and make them not irritated by his jeans. And he felt so lonely, because Luke isn't allowed over and he can't go over there since it didn't feel right and everything was wrong. But, he shouldn't complain to Luke. He's not the type of person.

But he needs someone. Right now he needs a person to vent to and someone to tell him it's okay. Therefor, Ashton found himself hesitantly grabbing his phone as he gulped slowly, wiping his eyes and typing out a text to someone who maybe could actually help and not be a bother to.

While waiting, Ashton wiped his arms and winced as the cold water stinged his cuts. Even if it hurt, it felt nice to him. Another source of pain to hide his emotional ones. The door opened and Ashton sighed, looking up and saw Michael walking towards him with a timid smile on his face.

He went over to the towel dispenser and took out a few. He motioned for Ashton to sit on the sink and so he did, Michael awkwardly moving between his legs and they both blushed a bit. Ashton watched as Michael pressed the papper towels to his cuts and the blood seeped through, but not too much.

Ashton said quietly,"Thanks for coming. I would have texted Luke, but he doesn't have a phone. And I dunno, Calum is stressed lately and I just thought since last time...you came and helped, so. I'm just surprised you actually helped me."

"Y-You kissed my boyfriend."

The blunt response had Ashton's eyes widen. Him nervously chewing on his bottom lip and lift his glasses slightly as they fell a bit while he avoided Michael's gaze. The tone Michael used definitely showed he wasn't happy about it, not exactly angry, but definitely jealous and Ashton felt bad.

He awkwardly said,"Yeah, um about that. I - I'm sorry. It was rude of me to assume you wouldn't mind. I honestly only kissed him to help him with his sexuality confusion. I promise, my heart belongs to Luke. Besides, the kiss was really weird anyways. It wasn't good, don't worry. I didn't like it or anything."

"B-But, C-Calum's a good kisser," Michael huffed, defending his boyfriend and Ashton laughed quietly. 

Ashton nodded and admitted,"Okay, he wasn't terrible."

"So, y-you liked it?"

"No! I said I didn't," Ashton retorted, panicking when realizing how his words were coming out and didn't notice the look in Micahel's amused eyes.

"Then, y-you lied?"

Ashton's mouth gaped, not sure what to say since everything was so confusing. But then Michael laughed and he realized the green-haired boy was teasing him. A whine left his mouth as he playfully shoved the boy with a pout. Michael grinned, tossing out the paper towels as the cuts were basically dry.

Thankfully, Ashton was always prepared and had band-aids, as if knowing one day he'd be cutting and relapse. Which showed he wasn't bothering to try and get better. Michael's brows furrowed in concern, seeing Ashton nonchalantly place the band-aids on his cuts like it's the most normal thing ever. It would be if the cuts were not on purpose.

As Ashton finished up, he saw he's been out of class for a while and didn't want to get in trouble. He washed his face quickly since his eyes were puffy from tears and dried up, wiping his glasses with his smooth shirt. When he went to leave, he saw Michael still standing back and was confused.

He then sighed, walking over and lightly grabbed Michael's arm to get his attention. Ashton pleaded quietly,"L - Listen, you can't tell Luke or Calum what just happened. Luke can't know I'm still...doing this, okay? He has a lot going on and shouldn't be worrying about me. We just got together and I can't have him thinking I'm not okay still."

At first, Michael shook his head frantically because he can't lie. However, Ashton was basically begging that he kept quiet about it. He knew it was wrong, but Ashton looked so desperate and he knew Ashton was just concerned over Luke. With that in mind, he reluctantly nodded and was surprised as Ashton pulled him into a hug.

A small smile formed on Michael's face, him hugging the boy back and watched him leave the bathroom. Michael bit his bottom lip nervously, glancing at the floor and heart dropped at the small amounts of blood and he knew that's where he was sitting. Ashton cuts too deep. It scares him a lot. 

Michael grimaced, quickly wiping it up and washed his hands before leaving. He went back to class and the day slowly went by. Michael was quiet, thinking about Ashton. His cuts still clear in his mind and the look on his face. The sound of his voice. The way he pointed out Luke the most and how he just wanted Luke to not worry. 

When Michael realized that, he didn't think that maybe Ashton just didn't want to get caught. All he could think about is how Ashton said 'Luke and Calum'. But the worst part was, maybe Ashton texted Michael because he knew Michael doesn't speak a lot. Which made it easier to have him keep it a secret.

Basically, Michael was being used unknowingly. Ashton really didn't think that through into it. He wasn't the type to use someone but subconsciously, a part of Ashton already put the pieces together for him. Michael frowned, thinking throughout class about how Ashton could do that to him. 

He didn't want to be hurt by this, but it was like everyone was using Michael in some sort of way and that hurts.Because Luke sometimes uses Michael to vent to and as a good listener. While Ashton was using him to keep secrets that shouldn't be a secret. He shouldn't be unknowingly used like that, yet he has.

So far, Calum was the only one who really liked Michael for himself. Michael knew Ashton and Luke don't mean to hurt him, they just don't realize they are and that's the only reason he sticks around them. Also, because he needs a friend or two and they care about him. He knows they do, even if he doesn't understand why.

As he figured out Calum cared about him, Michael smiled and was happy for once while walking to lunch. However, he halted and felt his heart fill with pain when seeing Maya and Calum hugging in the hallway. Calum was smiling and Maya giggling as they held each other tightly.

He felt his heartache and frowned, rushing to the other direction and took the long way to lunch. He didn't know why but it really bothered him to see Calum and his ex-girlfriend hugging. Was that okay? To be jealous? Because, Michael wasn't sure. He's never had a boyfriend, he doesn't know what's considered wrong or how he's suppose to feel.

When he went into lunch, he went to the line where people were getting food. He craved a brownie and pizza and tacos -- anything to take his mind off of Calum. Binging wasn't the best idea, especially considering how fat he already is. But, Michael couldn't help it. The urge to eat something was taking over and he needed to forget his boyfriend for a second.

But that didn't work well as he heard Calum say behind him quietly, so others won't hear,"Hey my kitten, you're eating! I'm so proud of you, what are you getting?"

Away from you, Michael thought but just ignored him as he fiddled with his fingers nervously. He didn't see the hurt expression on Calum's face. He just scooted up as the line shortened and Calum whispered in concern,"What's wrong, love? Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?"

Yes. Michael just shrugged, quietly getting his food and avoided the confused frown on Calum's face. He quickly went over to the table with Luke, just wanting to not be around Calum. Because he didn't like Calum hugging Maya. He only wanted Calum to hug him and he didn't have the words to say that. He couldn't find himself speaking.

When Michael is really sad, he can't talk. No matter what. His throat just closes up, vocal cords not urged to work and Michael felt that way. He felt upset and even though Calum called him kitten, that made him more upset. He liked the nickname secretly, but he didn't want to give in because Calum hugged his ex-girlfriend and Michael knew it wasn't in his right to say who Calum talks to, however he didn't care at the moment.

He noticed Calum was sat with the track team like he did a couple weeks ago. It was weird to see him sitting with them and Michael clenched his fist when seeing Maya with them as well. He didn't like her at all. Calum is his boyfriend, not hers. But of course Calum hasn't come out yet and no one was aware of them being together except Luke and Ashton.

He binged on his food, scarfing down his brownie. He was sad and that made him hungry, which was weird since he never is. But, Luke seemed happy to see him eating. He had this proud expression on his face and Michael blushed, slowing down his chugging as he drank his chocolate milk.

Suddenly, Ashton was walking over with his food and went to sit next to Luke. However, Luke patted his leg and said sweetly,"Come sit on my lap."

Michael's eyebrows shot up, amused as Ashton blushed fiercely. However, the boy didn't protest as he sat down on Luke's lap. Luke wrapped his arms around Ashton's waist as Ashton wrapped one around his neck and grinned. His fringe hair fell in his eyes slightly, Luke smiling at him and moving on arm from the boy's waist to brush it out of his eyes.

Michael asked in confusion,"Y-You're dating now, right?"

The two boys glanced at each other, Ashton looking unsure if Luke felt the same. Luckily, the blonde nodded proudly and pressed a kiss to Ashton's cheek,"Yep, I'm happy to say now that this is my boyfriend, Ashton." He pressed multiple kisses to Ashton's neck and smiled,"Mine, mine, mine -- all mine!"

Ashton squirmed, giggling like an idiot and whined,"Lukeeee, stop!"

"Why, bug? You're adorable when you're ticklish," He teased, pressing his digits in Ashton's side to make the boy shriek with laughter, weakly trying to stop him.

Envy filled Michael, watching the two flirt and go through their lovey-dovey phase. It wasn't fair. Despite both being so sad and depressed and going through so much, them being together wasn't a problem. Luke wasn't afraid to come out with Ashton and Ashton was openly gay. 

While, Michael was forced in the closet by his boyfriend. Yes, he never denied being gay to the school since no one cared about him and he does get bullied for being a 'faggot'. Not physically, but he's teased. There's nothing wrong with Calum being confused, but he can at least be able to act friendly towards Michael. However, he just acts like he never exists and it was painful.

Michael understood Calum had a lot going on, but he was hoping he was a big and important part of Calum's life. Obviously he's not if the boy can't be within two feet of him. He could invite Michael over to his table, he could just work on classwork with Michael during classes they have together. But, he makes no effort to come out and it was bothering him.

Ashton sighed suddenly and told Luke,"I'll be back, I need ketchup for my chips."

"See you, baby," Luke watched Ashton blush and walk away. His eyes darted towards the boy's bum and bit his bottom lip suggestively with a gaze.

Michael shakily moved his hands from his tray, realizing just how much he ate as he sneakily looked at the wrapper of the brownie. He felt sick, glancing towards Calum's table and saw how skinny and beautiful Maya was. No wonder Calum doesn't like him. He has a girl that could be so much better.

All Michael does is cause problems. He made Calum gay, he made him dump a perfect girl, he made him leave his table and sit with the guys, and now he's making him sit back at that table. Michael quickly mumbled that he had to pee and Luke was too busy watching Ashton return to process this.

After dumping his tray, Michael rushed to the bathroom and let out a sob as he wrapped his arms around his torso and went to a stall. He felt gross and fat and all that food he ate probably made him gain a million pounds. He wasn't good enough for Calum, who he made jealous for being stupid and admitting he had sex with Luke. He was just a mess and it was stressing Calum out, he just knew it.

And with that, Michael threw up all the food he ate and he felt empty thankfully. Maybe if he just tries harder to be skinny, then Calum could love him. He shouldn't have ignored his boyfriend, it just made him seem like a whiny brat. It's his own fault for being ugly. If he was better looking, Calum wouldn't be so ashamed.

-

Later that day, Calum was chatting with Maya and the two joked about the 'old days' that really weren't old and only a couple months ago. He told her about everything; the team, him being fully gay, how Luke moved in (being secretive about the abuse since it's not his place to tell her) and she listened.

All day, they've been talking and he just needed someone not in the club to give him advice. He doesn't know if the boys would be mad that he's even thinking about leaving them. Because, in the end he was just confused and not fully over everything which is okay considering it's only been three months and he shouldn't be forced to change so quickly.

Maya helped him slowly, saying to fix things with the boys completely. Which is what he tried doing during lunch with Michael, but that didn't work well. He wanted to tell Michael how he felt about coming out, still not ready but willing to go out with him in public somewhere outside of town where he can express his 'gayness' and get use to the idea of people staring. 

It was taking baby steps and that's always the best way to do something if possible. Sadly, he didn't understand why Michael was so quiet towards him. He figured he could talk to him tomorrow about it and so he decided to give Michael space, sitting with the team to make them assume he chose them over the boys.

Now he was going to go with Ashton and fix things between them. He remembered how Ashton offered to be friends and they agreed hanging out together would be a good thing. It was slightly awkward since the kiss happened, however he knew it would pass eventually and things can go back to normal.

They thought it was best to go to the mall together. They were going to get something to eat, maybe go the arcade together and then go shop for presents for the Secret Santa project and separate for a while to do that then meet up again and leave together, being careful to not let each other see the presents. It killed two birds with one stone.

While waiting outside for Ashton, Calum sat on the steps of the school and was glad everyone basically left considering he didn't want people to see him with Ashton. He wasn't trying to be rude, but Ashton's a nerd and he wasn't going to get bullied because of him. He doesn't think Ashton is that bad, but others might.

Suddenly, he heard some shouting and confusingly got up as he recognized one of the voices being Luke's. Calum hesitated before going towards the noise and went to the side of the school. His breath hitched, noticing Luke was being harassed by some people who are friends with that Mitch guy.

One of the guys gripped Luke's shirt, slamming him against the brick wall and luckily Luke gripped the back of his head before it could hit the wall. Calum winced, hearing the guy sneer,"You fucking little bitch! You're a selfish fucker and need to get your shit together, okay? Mitch is your friend and you abandoned him for those freaks?!"

Luke pleaded,"N-No, I promise! I am his friend, I just have more, okay? Please don't hurt me! I'm sorry, I really am!"

His voice was shaky, already wincing and Calum knew it was cause he still was hurt from his dad. He hesitated before rushing over and shouting,"Let him go! Before I get the principal out here, druggies!"

At first the guys laughed, but then they recognized Calum and instantly dropped Luke. Now, Calum isn't very intimidating but his dad is and now people know his dad is Coach Hood which sounds obvious, but people are idiots. The guys left quickly, being a bunch of pussies and Calum rolled his eyes.

He grabbed Luke's hands, helping him up and turned to leave. But, he heard Luke say quietly,"T-Thanks. For helping me, I mean."

Calum glanced back, giving him a small smile and left while stuffing his hands in his pockets. It wasn't common for him to help Luke but when he does, he's actually happy to be there for him. To have Luke thank him for something and not be afraid to say it. It showed their small bonds, despite hating each other most of the time.

As he walked around to the front, he saw Ashton waiting in confusion and waved at him. The boy looked up, grinning and they headed over to Calum's car. Luke was being picked up by Calum's dad, so it didn't matter much. He didn't tell Ashton about what happened, it was Luke's choice to tell him or not.

On the way to the mall, neither spoke much and when they did get there it was less awkward. The problem was, they never hung out on their own per say and it was hard to get a conversation going. They walked around for a while, trying to choose which store to go in later when they get presents.

But, then they decided to just go to the food court. They went to Maccas, looking over the menu and Ashton went to pay for his food, but much to his surprise, Calum paid for him. He awkwardly thanked him, the two sitting down together and eating silently while avoiding looking at one another.

Finally, Calum cleared his throat after drinking his soda,"So...do you like running?"

"No."

"What about basketball?"

"No."

"Video games?"

"Does Just Dance count?"

"I don't think this friendship is going well."

Ashton chuckled and nodded,"Yeah, I don't this so either."

"Hey, we agreed on something!" Calum exclaimed, causing Ashton to roll his eyes in amusement. He then groaned,"Ugh, what the hell are we suppose to talk about?"

"Well, I have a boyfriend and you have one too. Let's talk about them," Ashton suggested with a joking voice, but then they started gossiping about their boyfriends. Nothing rude or that's suppose to be a secret, just funny and cute little stories they had between or about them.

It was actually starting to go well and after they finished eating, they went over to the arcade and Calum paid for Ashton once again which was weird. It was like a date without the flirting, shy touches or tension. They played a million games together and Calum won every racing game they played together.

As they went to the photo booth, Ashton hesitated but then Calum pushed him in and the two took a bunch of goofy photos together. Calum really liked it. Having a friend and all. It was nice to have someone who he wasn't romantically interested in but could get along with and talk to.

Surely they did kiss once, but it was quick and there were no sparks. They even jokingly brought it up and rambled about how gross it was then acted offended. They each kept a photobooth picture together and decided to separate and get their Secret Santa presents alone, then meet at the front and text one another.

While separated, Ashton went to a store for clothing and Calum went to a weird store Ashton's never heard of. They both had plans for what they were getting and luckily, found exactly what they wanted to get. In the end, they met outside and sneakily kept their bags hidden from one another. 

Much to their relief, their bags were both dark and unable to be seen through. Ashton texted his mum he was on his way and got in the passenger side of the car. As Calum put his bag in the backseat, Ashton got a reply from his mum and gulped slowly when seeing how angry she seemed. She must have saw his math grade job for homework.

Calum sat back up, stretching and went to turn the car on but saw how Ashton's mood dropped a lot. He wasn't sure what to say or do. Because Ashton looked upset and he knew it must have to do with his parents. Only they ever make him look that way. Disappointed in himself.

He asked quiely,"A-Are you, um, okay?"

"I'm fine."

It was then that Calum knew what to do. He thought back to what Ashton said the other day. When they were asked to tell a lie they always say or have said. Ashton lies about being fine and Calum hated it. Especially when it was moments like these where he truly wasn't and it hurt a lot.

Calum turned the car off, looking at Ashton and he said bluntly,"No, you're not. Tell me what's wrong."

"You don't care," Ashton shrugged, glancing down at his hands. 

A look of disbelief showed on his face, and he held back his anger. Because he does care and Ashton should know this by now. But, he knew Ashton was use to thinking no one cared about him. Especially his parents. And so he pushed away how offended he was because Ashton isn't okay and anyone with eyes can see that.

He just shook his head and turned to look at him more, roughly lifting his chin up so Ashton was looking back and pleaded,"Tell me what's wrong. I care, okay? I care about you and we're friends. So don't you dare give me that 'I'm fine' bullcrap and you look me in the eyes and tell me honestly; are you okay?"

Ashton choked up slightly, a lump forming in his throat and he tried looking away but Calum was staring right at him and it was hard to lie right to someone's face. No one's ever asked him twice and it was harder to lie the second time. So, he reluctantly shook his head and mumbled a 'no' and that was it. 

The gates flooded and Ashton spoke and he told the truth and Calum actually listened. He nodded and spoke with him. He let Ashton ramble about how much he hates his parents and admitting he was overwhelmed and was starting to not care about school anymore. That it was too much and how his anxiety was getting worse, but his parents think he's being a whiny kid.

Calum frowned, watching how stressed Ashton looked and couldn't imagine being in his position. Calum had his own problems to worry about, however he wasn't being forced to do anything. He was making his own decisions while Ashton's parents were trying to control his. But, problems shouldn't be compared because they all vary with people and families.

Even Calum was allowed to vent in that moment. Ashton listened too. Calum told him about the misfits problem and how the team asked him to choose. Ashton didn't blame him for being unsure of what to choose. He knew to Calum it was a hard decision and they kind of just cried together and there was no judgment.

In the end, Calum drove Ashton home and no he didn't give advice nor get it. There wasn't any to give. Ashton and Calum both didn't mind because it was just nice to let his problems out. Calum was happy that now two people know. Ashton was just glad Calum didn't think his problems were stupid. To Ashton, they were torture and that's all that mattered.

When he got home, Ashton sighed sadly and grabbed his bags. Calum walked him to the door and for the first time, he hugged Ashton. It was surprising and out of no where, but he needed a hug and Calum gave him one. Ashton's arms hesitantly wrapping around his neck and Calum hugged him by the waist and it was awkward at first, but slowly became comforting.

Ashton smiled slightly, pulling away and Calum told him again,"I care about you, okay? Don't think I don't. You're not alone and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen. Just - just come to me and we can vent and cry together. Cause, I learned it's okay to cry every once and a while."

Ashton nodded slowly, repeating the words because he cares too and Calum needs to know that. They may be complete opposites, but that's usually the best type of friends and today was fun for both of them. They got to know each other more and see how different they are. Yet, in the end they both have problems and that can bring any two people together.

He waved goodbye, thinking back to the day Calum drove them all home and he dropped Ashton off last. How he snapped at Calum, giving him energy gum to drive home and that was the day he started caring. His words were harsh, but he gave Calum a shortcut home and he cared. Even if he didn't show it at first.


	25. Chapter 25

There's nothing more upsetting than wanting to ask someone to hang out yet feeling like you can't. Having to know you were the one pushing them away, but that you want them back. Seeing them and stopping yourself from going over and asking them how they were, as if you don't see them everyday.

It was frustrating, because to Luke, he was doing the right thing. He knew what it was like to be jealous. So, the fact that Calum is obviously upset over him and Michael being close was understandable. He had every right to be and Luke wasn't going to ruin his friend's relationship like that.

Michael was happy with Calum, even if he didn't seem perfectly fine with everything at the moment. He knew something was up with his friend, but figured Calum was helping him. Maybe he should just go over to Michael's and see what's up, however, he felt like he had silent rules to follow.

Every time he gets within a few inches of Michael, he feels like a force field was pushing him away. Something was telling him to stop and to keep to himself, that it was wrong to be near him. He's Calum's now. As much as Luke misses his best friend, he knew it wasn't right to mess with a person's boyfriend or girlfriend.

Especially not within the few month of dating. Which seems to be over soon, because Michael got with Calum the day after his birthday and it was just about Christmas. There was a couple days before and they had an S.O.S club meeting tomorrow, then one more before the holidays. Next meeting was the secret Santa and Luke was getting read to leave to shop for his person's present.

He had no idea what to get, but he also had a small idea and had it planned it. He was just afraid the person wouldn't like it and he had to make sure it was perfect considering everything that's happened now. He didn't want them to hate the present nor himself and was scared that will happen.

Which is why he's making sure everything's set and ready. He kept glancing at the clock, noticing it was around time for him to leave. Joy was letting him use the car to get the present, him telling her it was for him and Calum's club. They knew the boys were in a club together, they just didn't know what it was about.

As he headed out, he groaned when realizing he forgot his money and rushed upstairs. He saw Calum laying on the bed, playing video games. He ignored him and Calum did the same. Neither of them were bothered by ignoring one another, even if Calum defended Luke a couple days ago. They still had this tension.

While Luke searched his drawer for the money, Calum just bit his lip as he stared at the screen, his eyes narrow and a determined look on his face. It was kind of funny. Luke grinned as he found his few dollars, stuffing them in his pocket and Calum raised an eyebrow at him.

He asked,"Can you talk to Michael for me when you meet up with him? He's been acting weird."

"I'm not hanging out with Michael today. If anything, I thought you two were gonna be making out while I was gone," Luke joked, but figured him and Calum never did that. At least, not yet. He would rather not think about his shy, quiet friend hooking up with his soon-to-be step brother.

A frown formed on Calum's face and he quickly put his remote down after pausing the game and Luke just sighed. He wasn't in the mood to talk, especially not to Calum. But, he reluctantly shut the door considering he knew this could take a while. Even if he didn't want it to.

Calum turned to Luke and hesitated, unsure what to say. All he knew was Luke and Michael were drifting. That was effecting him and Michael's relationship as well. No, he wasn't being selfish. He cared more about Michael rather than their relationship. And Michael obviously wasn't happy at the moment.

Now he knew why and Calum asked in confusion,"Why are you avoiding Michael all the time? You two are best friends. I know you're the one avoiding him so don't bother lying. He's hurting and it's cause of you, Luke. And, you're hurting too! So quite ignoring him, okay? He's my - my boyfriend and I need him happy."

"Why? So you can have sex with him and get even or something? Cause, that's all you seem to care about. Hiding him all the time, not bothering to come out and snapping just cause we went a little farther than most friends. Get over it! It was before we met you! What we did in the past doesn't effect anything! I don't like him like that and he doesn't either!" Luke exclaimed, getting fed up with Calum seeming to be the good guy when really, he's causing the problems.

A glare formed on Calum's face and he shook his head,"And how do you know that? Cause, for all we know, Michael could like you a lot more than you think! He's infatuated with you, he clings to you, he asks for you all the time. I hate it! Why do you basically get two people who love you?! Not only that but you took my spot on the team, you took my room, my house, my parents -- what else do you want?! God, I hate you so fucking much!"

The word caught Luke off guard, his heart dropping as Calum roughly shoved him against the wall, Luke wincing as his bruised back pressed against it. The bruises his dad gave him that were somehow still hurting, but tried hiding the pain.

He gulped slowly as Calum sneered,"I got you out of that house, away from your parents, and now you took mine! All I ever did was help you! Even your own boyfriend is afraid to talk to you and say he relapsed! Do you even care about him? Fuck, I just wish you would move back with them sometimes! Now you're ruining everything!"

A silence fell, Luke shakily sliding down the wall as he took in what Calum said. Ashton relapsed. Luke took over Calum's life. He is oblivious to how clingy and relying Michael is on him. Maybe he does deserve to go back to his parents. The hitting helped. At least, that's what he thought. It was like his 'grounding' but it left bruises and only lasted a few minutes.

But as Luke was contemplating why he was even deserve of his two friends, Calum instantly regretted his words. His jealousy took over and now he's confusing Luke. He was just mad and let it out on the person he saw. The one who caused it without meaning to and it's not Luke fault.

Calum hesitated, hearing Luke sniffling quietly. He groaned,"Sorry, okay? You - You just piss me off sometimes and I guess...I dunno. Maybe I just overreact. I shouldn't have said that."

"But you did," Luke shrugged, wiping his eyes quickly. "God, is it true? Did...Ashton, y-you know?" 

At first Calum didn't say anything, not sure if it was his place to speak. But, he already said it so he might as well tell the truth. He nodded, giving Luke a sympathetic expression. Ashton didn't tell Calum, but he saw them. When they were playing video games at the arcade, he noticed a little blood seeping through his sleeve.

Luke pressed his sleeves to his mouth, clenching his eyes shut as he buried his face in his knees. How could he not notice? This whole time Luke thought Ashton was okay, that it was getting better for him. But, Luke's been so selfish and only caring about his 'Hood' family problems and now Ashton was cutting with a fake smile whenever he showed Luke his butterflies.

What kind of boyfriend doesn't know when theirs relapses? How long as Ashton continued doing it? Did he ever stop? Luke was panicking, wondering if Ashton's been doing this the whole time. He couldn't believe this. Not to mention Calum knew before him and they just became friends.

Seeing Luke's expression, Calum sighed and awkwardly patted his shoulder,"Listen, talk to him. He's...upset. Depressed. He's trying to stay strong for you, but he's just breaking more and more. He lives in a world of perfection and every time he does something remotely wrong, he feels like the world is crumbling. You need to let him know it's okay for him to make a mistake."

"O-Okay," Luke nodded slowly, chewing his bottom lip nervously and stood up with a sigh. He paused before saying,"And, I'm sorry. I didn't - well, I did realize your parents have been paying more attention to me. I guess I was waiting till he blew over but it never did. I'll try...I dunno, talking to them? Or just not asking them for stuff."

Calum waved his hand slightly and timidly smiled,"I'll be fine, they're just parents, you know? Everyone deals with it. But, anyways, you need to hang out with Michael. Ask him to go shopping with you, I think he doesn't have his present yet. We were suppose to go together, but he's been ignoring me."

"What did you do?" Luke asked in suspicion, hoping his...whatever they are, friends? didn't hurt Michael. They were together for a month, the least Calum can do is not mess it up more than it already is.

However, Calum shrugged in confusion,"I have no clue, but I'll talk to him tomorrow. You, Mr.Hemmings, need to go and fix things with him. I know, okay? I'm a jealous fucker and you were trying to distance yourself. Michael told me. But, don't be stupid and ruin your friendship. You guys love each other, now go, go, go!"

A look of amusement crossed Luke's face, him grabbing his money again and telling Calum honestly,"You know, you're a good boyfriend. I'm glad Michael's dating you."

"Alright, sappypants, get out before I barf. Just cause I'm falling for a guy who likes gushy romantic and lovey shit doesn't mean I do too!" Calum groaned, falling on his bed with a thump and Luke mimicked him childishly as he left, Calum watching him for a moment before turning back to his game.

As Luke left to go outside, he winced a bit from the pain in his back. When Calum pushed him against the wall, he rammed his back into a thumbtack and it hurt like hell. However, he shook it off and went to the car. Calum apologized and hopefully the two of them can be friends or at least not fight.

Surprisingly, their little talk did help Luke as he gained some confidence to even step foot on Michael's property. He shouldn't be intimidated, especially not by his best friend. But, ever since they both got boyfriends, they've been having trouble staying in contact outside of the club and school. 

Sure, eight hours with each other does seem like a lot. But, with their separate classes and having Calum and Ashton around every time they're together doesn't exactly always mean they're going to talk. Michael barely talks as it is, and the only time he does now is when Calum's around or if Luke makes the first move.

Either way, when Luke went to Michael's, he nervously knocked on the door and waited patiently. It took a minute or so, but soon Michael opened the door with a timid smile. Luke held his keys up, well Joy's, and motioned to the car. A small smile formed on Michael's face and that was that.

-

When walking around the mall, neither talked like usual. Michael would continuously look at Luke's hand, wanting to hold it and entwine their fingers. It wasn't a romantic gesture in Michael's mind. Romance to him was saying I love you in a soft voice, not a friendly one, and it was kissing and hugging for longer than ten seconds. Romance was sleeping together closely, not just spooning like him and Luke did.

To him, it was different even if that all seemed the same to others. Anything can be taken romantically or unromantically to different people. It just mattered how you feel doing the action. When Ashton kissed Calum, that was friendly. It was to help Calum. Michael understood that and that's why he joked it off with Ashton when they were in the bathroom.

However, obviously to Calum and Ashton, they didn't like the idea of Michael and Luke having sex. Because, in their minds, sex was a romantic thing that was between two people in love or together at least. Which it is to Michael as well. But, to him and Luke, in that moment, it was a friendly gesture. To help them as well. Because, they didn't think they would have a person to fall in love with.

He sighed sadly, having his present in a bag and waiting for Luke by the food court. He was scared. Not because he's in public. But, because of the people. It was crowded, him shaking slightly as he pulled his sleeves over his hands. His anxiety was acting up, and now he knew how Ashton felt almost everyday.

Michael has social anxiety, which was kind of obvious but sometimes people get it wrong. He wasn't positive, but he believed Ashton had generalized anxiety disorder, constantly worrying about things and fearing the smallest things such as grades, the future, disappointing people -- which seem normal, but from the times Michael's helped him, he knew it was much worse for him then general teens.

He gets anxiety attacks over a B-, that is definitely not normal. It's not exactly a terrible thing, Ashton just wants to be perfect. Everyone does, and it's fine. However, he takes it to an extreme and Michael has been wanting to tell Luke about what happened a couple days ago. Sadly, he promised he wouldn't. 

Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder, Michael let out a squeak of shock and sheepishly smiling at Luke. The blonde sat in front of Michael, grinning at him and held up his bag,"Got my present for my secret...I dunno, elf? Whatever. For my person I picked. I was gonna ask what you got, but that may give away who you have."

Michael just nodded cuddling his Malum bear and blushed fiercely as the voice box was pressed, Calum's singing voice going off. A small laugh left Luke, trying not to embarrass Michael as he snickered out,"Um, was that Calum...? Singing?" Michael hesitated, but nodded slowly. Luke wanted to tease him, however he just smiled,"Well, that's...cute."

"M-Malum," Michael nodded to the bear in his arms, biting his bottom lip a bit. "L-Like our ship name? Um, y-you and Ashton are Lashton. OTP."

"Out of toilet paper?" Luke tilted his head to the side in confusion.

A small giggle left Michael and he shook his head, burying his face in the stuffed lion's mane,"N-No, silly. One true pairing. I - I ship it. T-Think you two are so cute. Together."

Luke felt his heart flutter a bit. Ever since he and Ashton got together, a little over a week ago, he's felt on top of the world. It hurt to know Ashton was still cutting, but he knew it wouldn't be easy to quit. Luke still has urges to smoke and sometimes he thinks about getting a packet of cigarettes, however it's easier for him not to since he hasn't been doing it for over a year like Ashton.

It just hurt to know Ashton didn't tell him. Surely he should trust Luke enough to tell him. Luke said he wouldn't be mad if he relapsed. But, apparently Ashton was worried to overwhelm him. He admits, now he is worrying, but he had every right to worry with his boyfriend able to hide cuts so easily. Or maybe Luke just didn't look well enough.

Meanwhile, speaking of the boy, Ashton was pacing his room with a razor in his hand.

He had tears falling down his face and his chest heaving slightly as he tried to block out his parents yelling and screaming in the room next door. His brother and sister were out, meaning he was left alone with them. Ashton didn't even care anymore as he pressed the razor to his wrist, creating more marks to emphasis each insult his parents said.

Attention-seeker

failure

disappointment

not good enough.

Ashton's never good enough. He's not perfect and he needs to be. That's what his parents want. The adults who raised him, wanting him to grow up and be a stupid doctor. Ashton hates blood. Strange, since he was relieved when feeling it seep from the cuts that were in his arms, killing his little butterflies.

It's all his fault. He's been hanging out with Luke, Calum, and Michael when he should be studying. Sure, he has his homework done but he should be studying. His parents were right, he's drifting. Maybe he should stop going to every club meeting. Maybe he doesn't have time for a boyfriend. School's first. He needs to make his parents proud, even if it meant losing the boy who means the world to him.

Suddenly a loud bang was heard, Ashton gasping as the bedroom door opened and his dad's eyes widened as his eyes glanced at where Ashton was trying to frantically hide his arm. Ashton's breath quickened, his chest tightening and no. He was having an anxiety attack. Why didn't he lock the door? Why was he so stupid? Why is he such a failure?

His dad rushed over, trying to calm Ashton down and stop the bleeding but Ashton kept kept trying to push him away while repeatedly saying 'no' and 'stop' and 'leave me alone'. He finally gave up after a few minutes, letting out sob as he kept mumbling apologies that he really shouldn't be saying. Because, he shouldn't be sorry. But, he was and he always is. Even when something isn't his fault.

It took maybe twenty minutes for Ashton to finally calm down from his attack, but still feeling unable to speak as his dad led him to the bathroom to wipe his arm. He didn't need to look up to see the tears in his father's eyes, the man cringing whenever Ashton winced as the water hit his wounds.

No one said anything. Because there was nothing to say. That was until the simple 'why?' question was asked. And Ashton didn't know how to answer. Is it 'why are you cutting?', 'why are you sad?' or 'why didn't you tell me?'. The questions seemed similar, but he had many different answers and none is something a father would want to hear their son say.

At least it was his dad, though. His mum would probably whoop him if she found out. He wasn't allowed to leave until he answered the question. He stood by the closed bathroom door, his dad narrowing his eyes. He was trying to intimidate Ashton, but the boy saw the confusion and concern on his father's face. Sadly, parents never care until something extreme happens.

He's been trying to tell his parents he's upset, overwhelmed and pressured a lot. He knew they loved him. They accept him being gay, they accept that he was sad over Bradley because once again, those were extreme. But, asking for a day off from studying because he wants to hang out with Luke is never good enough or asking for a ten minute break is never okay.

So, Ashton told him with his hand on the door handle,"I'm sorry I'm not the perfect son you want."

A look of surprise showed on his dad's face, Ashton actually giving him a sad smile. As if he honestly thought he wasn't good enough. And Ashton left, his father letting him go. He gave his answer. It summed everything up and even if Ashton first cut from missing Bradley, there was a deeper meaning to it because it was a cut to hide the pain of being alone with his perfectionist family.

That night, Ashton could hear his parents talking. The house silent aside from their voices and he faced the wall with teary eyes, holding his phone that held a picture of him and Bradley. He scrolled to the next one, smiling a bit when seeing it was him and Luke from a couple days ago. Luke's smile overly large and he was on the blonde's back, picture taken by Michael.

He was just about to go to back, considering he didn't like listening to his parents talk about him. However, a beep was heard and Ashton confusingly saw a notification. He then raised an eyebrow as it said it was Calum, reading,'Night bug, don't let the bed bugs bite! Get it? x' 

Then the next was,'Btw, this is Luke. I'm not Calum flirting :p'. He laughed silently, replying with,'Kay, haha. Night Lukey :3' and hit send. He knew Luke didn't have a phone yet, so he understood. And that night, he felt a little better despite his parents knowing he hurt himself now. Because, he had Luke still and that's all that mattered.

-

You could say, at the end of the day that Wednesday, Ashton wasn't happy to run into Mitch's on his way to the S.O.S club. Especially not since they were the group of people who hurt him when he tried getting Luke to leave with him. He was confused as to where Mitch was, that guy disappeared so easily, but was more worried about the guy's surrounding him.

The problem wasn't that Ashton was scared, more worried about getting pummelled. He wasn't strong, not at all. His reflexes sucked and his biceps were small from the lack of working had lately. Another thing he needed to be concerned about, but it was too late as he was shoved against the locker.

Ashton tried moving from their grip, panicking as the halls were empty due to people being in classes upstairs or at sports. He went to yell out for someone, hoping Luke or the other boys would hear him. The class is right there, he just hoped they would open the door and see him. But, they didn't.

He winced and let out a cry of pain, his cut arm held against the locker and wounds ripping open from behind their bandages as the barbaric boys started yelling at him for being a little bitch, calling him a fag which was funny since their friend Mitch is attracted to guys yet they're using a gay insult.

Suddenly the guy's foot hit Ashton right in the balls, him curling up on himself as they dropped him to the ground. Ashton coughed as one of them kicked him in the chest, his air knocked out of his lungs. A door opening was heard, gasps filling the air and the guys started running off.

Ashton blinked his eyes open weakly, looking up and saw Michael rushing over. The green-haired boy frowned, hesitantly gripping under his arms and attempting to help Ashton sit up. The boy gave him a timid smile, wincing as he tried standing completely and nearly gaped when seeing Luke and Calum fighting with the three others who hurt him.

As much as he loved that they were protecting him, Ashton knew this was wrong and Michael must have felt the same. He nodded at Michael, then let the boy leave as he limped over to them and shouted,"Guys, knock it off! I - I'm fine, just stop! You're gonna get in trouble!"

Luke's jaw tensed, looking over at Ashton who gave him a pleading look with his arm wrapped around himself. At first Luke wanted to continue hitting the guy who hurt his boyfriend. But, he reluctantly stopped and shoved him away just as Calum did the same. Soon enough, the principal came out with Michael who only mumbled the word 'bullying' to him when in the office.

While the group of jerks tried blaming Calum and Luke, Ashton told him the full story and him being an honor student really helped with trust. Not to mention, he was banged up on the body. His face was clear due to him protecting himself.

But, when he lifted his shirt and revealed his hurt body, the principal sent the boys off with a suspension as soon as Christmas break was over while Luke and Calum got a detention the next day, luckily not on the S.O.S club meeting.

After being left to go back to the club, Luke crouched down and let Ashton jump on his back. Luke bushed when Ashton kissed his cheek, mumbling a cheesy,'My hero' and just rolled his eyes. He must admit, he did like the compliment though. Especially considering Ashton was kissing his cheek repeatedly and thanking him like he found a cure for cancer.

When at the club, Calum was grumbling while pacing,"I can't believe they only got a fucking suspension! They deserve to be expelled -- arrested?! They basically beat the shit out of you! You have bruises and can barely walk! And wow, they were friends with Mitch? Some friend, Luke."

"Hey! Leave him out of this, he wasn't the one hitting Asthon," Luke pointed out, wincing as Ashton used a damp papertowel Michael went and got on the way to the room to clean his wound over his eyebrow. 

Ashton frowned, pulling away and asked,"So, you're - you're still friends with him? But, he's not a good person, love. I think you shouldn't talk to him. I won't force you not to, but please? Just think about it before hanging out with him again."

Luke rolled his eyes but nodded, glancing over to where Michael was silently wiping a scratch on Calum's forehead and the boy was trying to talk to Michael. But Michael ignored him and so Luke figured they should exchange the presents now. It could relieve a lot of tension in the air.

As he went up to get the basket of names from the closet, Calum was watching as Michael held the Malum bear. He didn't get what he did wrong. He must have done something to upset his boyfriend. Obviously Michael is pissed about something or upset. The bad part about dating a selective mute; they don't tell you what's wrong. 

So do the majority of girls, but still. Calum nudged Michael with his knee, giving him a small smile trying to make Michael at least smile back and let him know if he's mad at him. But, like he expected, Michael just looked down and played with the shirt of his Malum lion and that was all.

Luke returned not long after, much to Calum's dismay, and held up a small Santa hat that had their four names in it. The person's name that was pulled out will give the person their present and it keeps going that way. Even with just four people, Luke wanted to do it right.

He let Ashton pull out the names. The first one that was pulled was Calum. A hesitant expression formed on the boy's face and he reluctantly got up to get his present. He dug in his bookbag, pulling out a small box that was wrapped and returned to his seat, ignoring the boy's eager expressions.

Calum announced awkwardly,"Well, I had Luke...and I'm sorry, I had no idea what the hell to get you. But, here. Merry Christmas and stuff."

A surprised look appeared on Luke's face, him taking the present with a small smile and opened the wrapping paper. He raised an eyebrow at the small jewellery box, Calum scratching the back of his neck and saw Michael's pouting expression. He nudged Michael and smirked when Luke rolled his eyes while pulling a necklace chain that had a key on it.

Luke chuckled a bit,"Well, thank you Chase Matthews. Is it so I don't forget my key? Are you gonna paint polka dots on it?"

"Actually," Calum went in his bag, pulling out blue and white paint along with glue made for jewellery and an 'L', handing them to Ashton much to everyone's amusement. "You and your boyfriend shall do arts and crafts after we're done. Bonding time, am I right? Very romantic, I know."

Ashton took the artsy items and placed them on the desk next to him. After Luke thanked Calum, Ashton pulled out another card that had his own name on it. He sighed and got up, going to where he had a gift bag. He grabbed it, sitting back down in his seat with a timid smile.

He announced,"I had Calum and it's funny since I went shopping with him. But, um, I think you might like this. Hopefully."

When he first got this, he wasn't too sure with it. But, now he was proudly handing it to Calum who eagerly took it with a grin. Calum went in the bag, taking out the colorful paper and pulled out a varsity jacket that must have cost over forty dollars. He gaped slightly, seeing the word 'Misfits' on the back with a skull being from the band 'Misfits'.

Calum looked at Ashton in surprise,"W-Wow, um thanks. How much was this?!"

"Um," Ashton sheepishly shrugged. "Around fifty dollars? On sale. I just thought, since...the track team is kind of pissed out you, and since you have a track jacket, then maybe you'd want one for our club? So, you have a new...home or whatever. Cliche, but true. We're like your other team and that's your jacket."

A frown formed on Calum's face, glancing down at he jacket. It wasn't a sad frown, more of a guilty one and he nodded slowly while Luke and Michael seemed a bit confused. Calum just shrugged off his track jacket, putting it in his bag and tugged on the Misfits one that fit perfectly. Like it was meant to be.

As the secret Santa went on, it was Michael who was next and he shyly went over to his bag. They watched him dig through his messy bag and soon returned with a small box. He didn't speak as he nervously handed Ashton a little present that was wrapped with Lion King wrapping paper.

Ashton glanced at him, then at the present and took a breath before opening it. He didn't know what to expect when it came to Michael. Because, they had their moments but the two never got to know each other too well. They're there for each other, and that's good enough, though.

But, then he opened the little box that was inside the paper and eyes widened a bit when seeing it was a necklace. It had a girly sense to it, not that he minded. However, that's not what made him so surprised. It was a locket. Like the one Bradley gave, in a way. However, here was a butterfly on it and it was silver.

He looked at Michael with a frown and the boy sheepishly said,"Y-You have locket. But, i-it's old. This one's new. A-And it's for girls. But, butterflies for the butterfly project?"

Then he understood. Michael got it because he knew Ashton was still cutting. The 'it's old' comment towards his necklace wasn't meant to be rude. It felt like a stab in the heart, however. Because, he took it more as a 'get rid of Bradley and replace him with us'. Which he should do, but it's harder than people think. He's over Bradley romantically, having Luke, but he was still Ashton's friend.

Ashton thanked him quietly, looking at the butterfly locket and last was Luke. He already had his present and just handed it to Michael with a small smile. The boys looked as Michael opened the present, smiling at the Lion King picture frame which held a photo of all the boys. 

Luke apologized,"Sorry, I - I just couldn't figure out what to get you. I thought,'Michael likes special gift's' and knew you'd rather have one that was more sentimental? Like when Calum got Daniel to visit. And, you like the Lion King and you love us -- so bam. Both? The picture sucks, though. It's the only one we had of all of us, though."

Michael grinned, nodding,"L-Love it, thanks Lukey." He noticed Ashton tensing a bit and quickly corrected,"I-I mean...Luke."

Just like that, the club was over. Luke kind of hated how Michael didn't call him Lukey. It was a stupid nickname and most people would hate to be called something so kiddish, but he thought it was cute. Ashton calls him it and so does Michael. Obviously Michael called him it first, but apparently Ashton got use to saying it now. 

As the boys left, Luke and Ashton stayed back to paint his key. Ashton didn't understand when Luke was joking about something called Zoey 101, but just smiled and nodded as they painted it. Calum got special metal paint so it didn't ruin the key or chip off, at least not for a while.

They made stripes instead of polka dots and Luke smiled as Ashton glued on the little 'L' at the top with super glue. While waiting for it to dry, Ashton was showing Luke some funny videos on YouTube. They sat on the desks, Ashton inbetween Luke's legs with the boy's arms wrapped around him and chin gently resting on his head.

While Ashton searched for another video, Luke chuckled when seeing a Spongebob Christmas video and remembered the Christmas special. He sang jokingly,"It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday, not your normal, average everyday. Sounds like someone filed my old coral tree..."

Ashton laughed, looking at him in confusion,"What the hell is that?"

"It's from Spongebob!" Luke exclaimed, tightening his arms around Ashton with a kiss on his head.

A frown formed on Ashton's face as he sighed sadly,"Oh, my mum never let me watch that. I saw a couple episodes, though. I'm guessing it was a Christmas one?"

Luke nodded, giving him boyfriend a sympathetic look. He wanted to bring up the cutting, his eyes glancing at Ashton's arm covered with his jacket. He didn't know how to bring it up,though. Not without freaking out the boy. But, it hurt so badly. To know Ashton was hurting himself. His own boyfriend causing harm to his body.

A nervous expression covered his face, Luke slowly moving his hand down Ashton's arm. The smaller of the two tensed, boy stiff as he felt Luke move his sleeve up. Ashton panicked, shoving from Luke and tried moving but Luke pulled him back and heartbroken at Ashton's frightened face.

Before Ashton could speak, Luke moved his sleeve up and a silence filled the air as his breath hitched. The cuts deep and a few covered with bandages. Some were a little open from when Ashton was hurt before the meeting. His cuts seemed irritated and slightly puffy.

Ashton pleaded,"D-Don't hate me, I'm so sorry. I didn't - I couldn't let you worry about me. You shouldn't worry. Because, I'm fine, Lukey. I just relapsed, okay? Please, don't worry about me." Ashton wrapped his arms around Luke, kissing his shoulder,"They're just a few cuts, they won't hurt me. You need to worry about yourself."

A look of disbelief crossed Luke's face, him pushing Ashton back slightly and gripped his arms in his hands, careful not to hurt him as he motioned to the cuts,"Ashton, these are more than a few! You're scarring yourself! I can see burn marks from who knows how long ago and I see white lines -- where else are they? Where else do you hurt yourself?"

Ashton shook his head, going to leave but Luke pulled him back with a stern expression. He said with a serious tone,"This isn't funny, Ashton. I need to know. Please, put yourself in my shoes. If I did this, you'd be asking the same thing. I'm looking out for you. I know right now you may thing I'm not helping and that you feel pressured and like you hate me. But, it's getting to deep. Literally. You can cut a vein."

The two stared at each other, glaring as Ashton gritted his teeth. He willed himself not to yell at Luke, to call him a bitch and say he's just making it worse. But, he knew Luke was right. Some things don't work well for others. Such as the butterfly project, therapy, counseling, anger, love -- everyone gets better with different ways and they need to try each out.

So, he reluctantly snatched his arm from Luke's grip and awkwardly turned around, unbuttoning his jeans. Luke blushed a bit, looking away and crossed his arms as he felt his stomach drop when knowing Ashton found places people wouldn't look. Right now, it didn't matter that Ashton was only in his boxers because Luke felt tears pool to his eyes as he stared at his thighs.

His beautiful thighs covered with red marks.

Luke walked over slowly, noticing a few cuts on Ashton's sides as well. Probably annoyed with the scraping of his jeans rubbing against his cuts. He even saw a few on his ankles and Ashton hesitantly pulled a little bit of the side of his boxers down, showing his hips where more cuts were. 

A look of pain crossed Luke's face, seeing Ashton wrap his arms around himself. He felt small under the taller boy's eyes, all exposed and his secret places were revealed. Was Luke going to have him do this everyday? Because, he didn't like it. It would help since Luke knew now, but it would make him feel more pressured to stop. However, maybe that's what he needed. 

Like mentioned, everyone gets better in different ways. Ashton was the type of person who needed to be forced to do something. Who needed a shove in the right direction, a pressure on his back to get something done. And to stop self-harming, he needed Luke to do this, which he would have done either way.

Tears fell down Ashton's face and he mumbled,"I'm - I'm so sorry, I really am. For lying and - and for not telling you. All you wanted to do was help but I wasn't being honest. My dad found out and I'm so scared. I need you so much, please don't leave me, please Luke. I really hate myself right now. I'm so sorry I'm not the perfect boyfriend you want."

Luke just sighed sadly, no words leaving his mouth as he pulled Ashton into a hug, his lips pressed to the boy's shaky ones and Ashton didn't kiss back. He just let Luke's lips stay on his, the kiss full of tears and sadness. The small sniffles leaving Ashton as he pulled away and let Luke hold him.

Yeah, he was practically naked in a classroom with his boyfriend who was abused while he self-harms. But, Christmas was a few days away and hopefully the holiday can bring some cheer and joy. Cause, right now they really needed. Especially with Luke having his first Christmas away from his parents.

Either way, Ashton was hoping to see him and maybe the four of them can have a holiday together. With that in mind, Ashton got dressed and shared a small kiss with Luke, the two walking together with their hands entwined after cleaning up the classroom and smiles on their faces despite just being sad moments ago. Because, they're together and that's all that mattered to them.


	26. Chapter 26

So far, life wasn't too upsetting. Ashton did relapse, probably hasn't even stopped cutting, but Luke was learning to be more assertive with him. That's how Ashton learns and feels the need to stop. Of course, he's still begging for the blade but thankfully, he's learned to call Luke.

For example, it was later that night after Luke found out and Ashton called him, crying and saying he wanted to cut. But, Luke was proud. Surely he shouldn't want to self-harm, it was nice to know Ashton felt safe enough to call him. It showed that he wanted to get better.

It was like any other addiction except this addiction can kill Ashton. Which was scary but how Luke got him to realize that it's more dangerous than he knew. Not every person who self-harms do it the same, as deep as others or for similar reasons. Each get better and stop based on how they reaction. 

Not everyone who self-harms wants to die, most don't actually. Ashton doesn't want to die. Sometimes he has his moments where he questions it and he told Luke that, who was holding back a small gasp because he didn't want Ashton to die and the thought was scaring him. However, he knew Ashton needed to let it out.

They talked for hours that night, Luke whispering from where he laid next to Calum. He tried to rub his back again, trying to help Calum sleep. Luke thought he did and that he helped. However, Calum was awake and frowning when he heard Luke fall asleep at two in the morning, unable to do so himself. Because, Luke wasn't helping anymore and he tried to let the boy think that he was, considering it was a nice offer.

It was Friday now, the last day before winter break. Christmas was Sunday and everyone was in the Christmas spirit. Even Ashton, who was more depressed than ever, didn't feel sad walking into school with Luke. Sadly, Michael didn't ride with them that morning and Ashton did, making Calum slightly jealous considering Michael said no.

He walked Ashton to his locker, giving him a quick kiss causing the boy to smile larger and peck his lips three times, making Luke chuckle and they shared one more long, lingering one till hearing a kid next to them groan in annoyance. Luke blushed, realizing they were basically making out in front of his locker.

Luke waved goodbye to his boyfriend and headed down the hall with a sigh. Unlike everyone else, he wasn't feeling too into the spirit of Christmas. Not that he'd admit it to anyone, because he didn't want to bring down anyone's mood just because he's a little upset at the moment. Ashton was helping, but whenever he wasn't around Ashton he just felt lonely.

When he got to his locker, he raised an eyebrow as he noticed Michael trying to fit the guitar in their locker. He snickered quietly, shaking his head in amusement. There's no way it could fit and it seemed like Michael knew this as he pouted and slammed the locker shut in annoynace.

Michael nearly jumped ten feet when Luke walked up to him quickly. He sheepishly smiled at him, trying to hide the guitar. It was the one Calum bought him, still in great condition. It's been over a month and he didn't know Michael actually used it. He's never seen the boy play it before. But, he hasn't hung out with Michael lately aside from their shopping trip.

Luke unlocked the locker and asked Michael curiously,"Why did you bring it to school?"

A hesitant expression showed on his face, awkwardly shrugging,"D-Dunno. J-Just wanted to."

Suspicion showed on Luke's face, him slowly nodding even though he didn't believe that at all. Honestly, no one just carries around a guitar and Luke was sure this had something to do with Calum. He didn't want to pester him, though and just decided to ask about what he's doing for Christmas.

The sad part about Luke moving is that he can't have his annual sneak out with Michael. Usually, he would leave his parents around ten and rush over to Michael's so they can have a little celebration. Michael gets to decorate a tree for Christmas, even though it's alone, and Luke never had one. So, Michael would leave some decorations off and when Luke sneaks over, they finish it up together and drink hot cocoa.

This year was going to be different. The Hood's have a typical Christmas together and Luke was going to finally meet Mali, Calum's sister. He was scared shitless, because she's older and probably annoyed at the fact that she was going to have another little brother.

All of these new events were making him stressed and Luke wasn't sure what to make of it when he came to realize how much really has changed. He has a boyfriend, a new family and his old friend was drifting. His boyfriend was depressed, new 'brother' still arguing with him and new parents kept coddling him even when he asked not to.

Suddenly, Michael was going pale, gulping slowly as he walked back slowly with a timid smile at Luke. The blonde was confused, but turned and tensed as his eyes landed on Mitch. It's been a week or so since they spoke to each other and he had no idea what he was going to say.

Luke nodded at Michael, turning to Mitch and hesitantly went with him. He didn't think talking in school was going to work, Ashton might see and get angry. He knew Ashton said he just wanted what's best for him and won't ask him to stop talking to Mitch, but deep down inside he could tell if him and Mitch chatted it would upset Ashton a lot.

When they got outside, Mitch asked with his arms crossed,"So, you and Ashton are dating, I guess."

"Yep," Luke said proudly, but tried keeping his face neutral. He could see the pained expression in Mitch's eyes, meaning the guy still had feelings for Luke. It didn't matter, because Luke had already fallen so hard for Ashton and despite them getting together only a week or two ago, he really could tell he loves the boy or at least is slowly loving him.

Mitch chewed his bottom lip with a sigh, walking with a small pace and running his fingers through his black hair as he exclaimed,"B - But, what about me, Luke? I know you have feelings for him, but that doesn't mean you need to ignore me! We can still be friends, I won't try a move on you!"

"How am I suppose to know that? You were fine making out with me when you knew I have feelings for him," Luke retorted, groaning as he leaned his head back on the brick wall. 

The school bell rang and he didn't step to leave nor did Mitch. They just looked at each other and Luke fidgeted awkwardly because this was getting to be too much. He's with Ashton and never liked Mitch. At least, not like that. It was rude when he realized this, but he only ever kissed the guy because he was insecure and Mitch liking him made Luke feel loved. It was before he knew Ashton liked him back.

Luke frowned a bit, seeing Mitch glaring at him and stuffed his hands in his jacket pocket. He tensed, fingers pressing against the lighter. It was a jacket he forgot to wash and must have forgotten about the lighter as well. Before he could think much about it, Mitch was talking.

He told the blonde with a serious voice,"Yeah, okay, I guess I was desperate and you weren't exactly pushing me away either. But, that doesn't mean I can't control myself. I'm not like my jacked up friends. I only hang out with them for the same reasons you were! I don't exactly have other friends, Luke. Not like you do. And, you were the only one that actually seemed to care about me."

Guilt filled Luke, his blue eyes darting to the concrete beneath his dirty sneakers. He never really thought Mitch would care that much. But, he soon understood that it's not just him, Ashton, Calum and Michael who have problems or feel lonely. A lot of people do and maybe he shouldn't judge Mitch.

However, it's not really him judging Mitch. The boys are. They may not realize it, seeing as they're more like trying to protect Luke since Mitch hangs out with bad people. He wanted to stay friends with Mitch, but his friends don't want him to. He can't lose three nice people, one being his boyfriend, so he could talk to one guy who may only want to get in his pants.

Luke shook his head slowly and watched as Mitch's hopefully expression fell. He tried speaking softly,"Listen, M - Mitch I do care about you and I know you're lonely, but my friends don't like you."

"You mean your boyfriend would get jealous?" Mitch snapped, narrowing his eyes and raised his hand as Luke tried speaking. "Don't even try to convince me otherwise. It's true and everyone knows it is. You don't care about your other two friends opinions. You and Calum hate each other, I see it at track practice, and can tell by the way you hang out with that green-haired guy."

When Luke went to speak, Mitch just snatched his packet of cigarettes and pulled one out as he headed away from the school. He gave Luke a small shrug and smirked a bit, though his eyes were sad," You're letting Ashton run your life now. Can't wait to see how that fails and you come running to me. See ya, Luke."

He walked off to god knows where with Luke staring at him. He didn't know how to feel. Mitch wasn't his world, his happiness or his love. He didn't really mind him leaving, but more of the reason why. Is Luke being a hypocrite? He shouldn't let his friends or boyfriend make his choices, but if they don't, he could end up going back to the crowd of people who just made him more sad.

His friends make him happy and losing Mitch could be worth it. However, he couldn't get those words out of his head. It wasn't even Ashton he was worried about, he knew Ashton wouldn't get upset if he hung out with Mitch. At least, not to the point of it being a huge problem.

But, was he letting Ashton run his life? It didn't seem like he was. If anything it was the other way around. He told Ashton what to do a lot and was more controlling than Ashton. Surely, the glasses-wearing cutie did love school and leadership skills, but Luke took control over everything. He needs control, he craves it.

Suddenly, he thought back to when he was home. The one thing he couldn't control and how he handled it. Luke felt himself shaking a bit, going to walk into the school and try calming down. But, he halted and spotted a cigarette. It was new, fallen from Mitch's pocket and Luke saw how it wasn't dirty and he remembered the lighter in his pocket.

Luke quickly snatched up the cigarette and figured it was okay. It wasn't weed or any drugs that are serious. It's a cigarette and he doesn't rely on it much. But, he just needed a small relaxation. The cigarette could work for a couple minutes and he glanced around to make sure no one was around.

When seeing the coast was clear, Luke cupped his hand around the cigarette placed between his lips to stop the wind and he lit the tip of it before placing the lighter in his pocket. It was relaxing, tension from his body disappearing as he smiled a bit, letting the smoke leave his lips.

But, it wasn't long till he was half-way done and heard a loud bang. He jumped, panicking and eyes widened when seeing Ashton walking over with a disappointed expression on his face. His glasses perked on his nose, fringe hair hidden under a hoodie and he didn't bother asking how the hell he found him. 

Because, Ashton already answered his unsaid question,"Michael texted me, he said he saw you leave with Mitch and that you weren't in history class. Calum was worried. We all are, Luke. And why the hell are you smoking? Especially on school grounds? I - I thought you quit."

"I did, I just - I was stressed. Just wanted to relax," Luke hesitantly went to take one last puff, but Ashton smacked it from his hands.

Before he could snap at him, Ashton pressed his lips to the boy's and grabbed his hands. Luke was taken by surprise, slowly kissing back. He sighed softly into it, letting his hands lightly place on his boyfriend's smooth face and Ashton pulled back breathlessly, leaning his forehead against Luke's.

Ashton asked quietly,"Was that relaxing?"

Luke nodded speechless. They've kissed tons of times, probably a lot more than Calum and Michael. But, this was different and Luke expected him to yell and scream. Definitely not to kiss him. He wasn't going to complain, though. He was confused, however, and didn't know what to say.

Luckily, Ashton spoke before him,"Listen, I won't get mad. It's an addiction. You say it's not, but you craved it and that's how I am with my...self-harm. It was how I got addicted and I won't let you get that way. You're still able to stop before it's too much and I will help. Yelling just makes it worse, right?"

"Yeah, it just makes me wanna smoke more," Luke admitted, frowning at how broken he sounded.

"Babe, i will sound so hypocritical right now but," Ashton hesitated, wrapping his arms around Luke and told him with his head against Luke's shoulder,"I can't lose you. And, smoking just isn't attractive. Sure, you look hot with a cigarette in your hands. But, when we kissed a minute ago, you tasted like smoke and not like you usually do. And, you smell like it right now. You can get cancer and...I won't be okay getting second-hand smoke around you."

A frown formed on Luke's lips, him sighing deeply,"O-Okay, I can try. We can both try stopping, together? It may be easier for me, but that doesn't mean you can't stop trying too. The guys can help too. Calum's gonna be pissed, he saw I still...had a pack and didn't exactly like that. So, I know he'll look out for me."

Ashton nodded slowly, worried about messing up and relapsing but knew Luke wouldn't be extremely upset. They both knew it would take time and so Ashton leaned in to kiss Luke, grimacing at the smell of smoke and pulled out a pack of gum, handing it to Luke.

A sheepish expression formed on the blonde's face, him reluctantly taking it and chewing the gum. Then they both kissing, Luke smiling as he pressed Ashton against the brick wall, lips moving against the shorter boy's sweet tasting one. He had a hint of tea on his tongue as Luke's roamed his and it was amazing. 

Even though Luke was late to class and Ashton's 'bathroom break' lasted longer than neccesary, they both smiled after kissing and neither were too worried about it. Because, they were there for each other and that's really all they cared about. Their personal health was more important than anything.

-

"When was the happiest moment in your life?"

The question was vague, nothing specific about it and all the boys were gathered around the room. Luke wasn't sure about the answer himself. There was no rules on the card that had the question and he didn't know how to feel about it. It could go either way, being from now or from as a kid.

At the moment, everyone was trying to think of a time and they all seemed to want to say 'when I got together with _____' but decided the answer wasn't the right one. Yes, it was a great moment, but they wanted to have something from before the club was formed. In the past.

When Luke asked Michael, he was hesitant. The boy clung to his Malum bear, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. He wasn't even nervous about the question, but about what was happening later. He had something planned and didn't know how to go about it. But, he sighed and a memory flashed in his mind.

He hesitated, glancing at Calum who gave him a timid smile. Michael let out a shaky breath and said quietly,"W-When I went to the zoo. Saw lions w-with my parents. Was a kid but s-still remember. The lion looked a-at me and t-thought he smiled but my dad said they can't smile. He did, though."

"Is that why you like lions so long?" Calum asked curiously, motioning to the lion build-a-bear in his hands.

Michael blushed, shaking his head frantically,"No, cause my dad d-did and um, I love my dad. And miss him. Plus, D-Daniel got me a lion bear, so I just...missed them b-both and love the L-Lion King."

Luke grinned, nodding as the others did the same. He remembered Michael telling him about the zoo. He didn't know the boy then, but he remembers a picture in Michael's house. Of him with his parents, wearing a lion hat and drinking from a plastic cup with little monkeys on it. He did look happy.

When Luke turned to Ashton, the boy seemed hesitant about his answer. His face guilty, and Luke just mouthed 'it's fine'. He knew it would be about Bradley and as much as he would hate to hear about his boyfriend's ex, it was a happy time for Ashton and he didn't want to ruin his happiness. It's the passed, Ashton is with him now and Bradley...well, he's no longer alive sadly.

So, Ashton sighed and admitted while avoiding Luke's eyes,"Um, w-well I really loved this one day. I was fourteen and I had this boyfriend...Bradley, who was trying to teach my how to surf. My parents were having fun, we all were on like a little picnic and it was the best day ever. Bradley kept trying to show off and we fell in the water a lot. I kept having trouble seeing without my glasses, but it was just really fun. We even shared a lemonade and there were fireworks since it was the last day before school."

Luke noticed Ashton's voice cracking, showing his sadness and he nudged his foot against Ashton's, eyes meeting the hazel ones and gave him a small smile. Ashton just smiled back and it was forced, yet true somehow. A real smile because he's looking at Luke and he can never not smile at him.

Now it was Calum, who was honestly confused about his answer. He tried thinking back to a memory but barely any would show. Never a happiest moment before the club. All his friends were fake, he never had a real relationship before Michael and the only thing he can remember his family memories that still always had an argument.

He shrugged sadly,"I guess when me and my family went to Disney World? Even if I threw up and got a sun burn...plus, my sister did put gum in my hair and it needed to be shaved."

A sad sound left Michael who pouted,"T-That's not the happiest. What's the h-happiest?"

"When I met you."

A silence fell, Michael's face blushing like crazy as Luke and Ashton smirked at each other. There was a tension in the air. Because, Michael has been avoiding Calum and Calum just admitted his happiest moment was when he met Michael. Which is a really big deal.

Ashton cleared his throat,"Okay, so um, Luke's last. What's your happiest moment, love?"

"Oh, I guess when Michael and I became friends. I felt less alone and we became close. He's basically my favorite person in the world," Luke grinned, not seeing the pain in Ashton's eyes. His words were misinterpreted and Ashton just laughed fakely, nodding as he quickly went to check his phone.

It wasn't like Ashton tried to be jealous, if anything he wished he could avoid it. But, it wasn't possible with how well Luke and Michael get along. Calum even seemed a little upset with Luke's word choice. Ashton knew he didn't mean it that way, hopefully, but he couldn't help but take it that way.

When they did the suitcase time capsule again, all the boys had positive feelings written on the bag. Their items were perfect. Luke put the old key to his house, Ashton put his old spelling bee ribbon that he won when he got together with Bradley, Michael put picture of his parents and Calum put his make up -- matching Luke's old item he put in.

They then checked Michael's weight. Thankfully, in Michael's relief, he overheard Calum and Ashton talking once again. He wasn't stupid, doing his usual routine but drinking a little more water and adding a couple more coins in his pockets. He 'gained' two pounds and the boys looked proud. 

They didn't figure it out yet, except Ashton did seem a tad confused. 

After the meeting, Luke had to leave and go with Calum's dad to get caught up in track. Calum was slightly upset about it, but him and Ashton were going to hang out anyways. When he went to leave with Ashton, a hand grabbed his arm and he stumbled but turned to see Michael giving him a pleading look.

Calum was confused, but tossed Ashton his keys who shrugged and left. Calum rose an eyebrow when Michael shut the door, watching as his boyfriend went over to the cabinet. He slowly sat down on the chair and was surprised to see Michael grabbing the guitar he got him.

Before he could speak, Michael was walking over and sat in front of him on a desk. He waited until Michael was ready. The green-haired boy quietly said,"I...I'm sorry for i-ignoring you. Um, I worked on this song. The chords. And I'm not a-a good singer but you sang to me and I wanted t-to do it too? Probably gonna be terrible, and I'm s-so awkward. But it reminds me o-of you."

"No, I think it's sweet," Calum promised, grinning as saw Michael shakily strumming. He grabbed the boy's hand, Michael nervously looking at him with these big green eyes and scared expression. Calum leaned up, giving him a kiss on the cheek and assured,"Don't be nervous, kitten. It's just you and me, never feel nervous in front of me."

A shy smile formed on Michael's face, him taking a breath and nodding slowly. Calum wasn't sure what to expect. Michael's beautiful and he was hoping his voice was. Even if he sounded like a dying whale, Calum would probably still love it. Because, Michael's Michael and he doubts the boy is a terrible singer. It wouldn't matter if he was, though.

Suddenly, Michael was strumming his guitar and it was more upbeat than Calum expect but then Michael was quietly singing 'do, do, do, do' repeatedly and Calum was amused a bit. Michael's voice was a tiny bit louder than usual, but that was probably to be heard over the guitar. 

Then Michael sang softly, voice shy and eyes avoiding Calum's,"Let me introduce myself, I’m all smiles. You may know me as a former ‘most love only last a while.’ Pessimistic, so realistic -- you get the picture. I met you now my world is so much bigger...." He took a breath, continuing,"Upside down, off the ground is what you do."

Calum was in shock, practically gaping as Michael was singing with a small smile,"When you touch me, it’s like the very first time. I’m so lucky, to say that you’re mine...I still get those stupid butterflies, but it’s just what you do, I’m loving everything you do."

The song was adorable, Calum grinning like an idiot and hearing the 'do, do, do's continue as Michael was blushing more as Calum nodded along and sang the 'do,do's since he caught on to the part. He was mesmerized, the lyrics so cute and just so -- Michael. They fit him so well.

"Crazy how it happened so fast, truly blows my mind. Going on a hunt for four leaf clovers, to wake up to that smile each sunrise. Whenever I’m not by your side, I get home sick." Michael bit his lip shyly, finally looking at Calum as he teasingly giggled,"A little pathetic, with a dash of ooey gooey sooo romantic."

Calum let out a small laugh, the chorus repeating and he loved it. He loved Michael's voice and Michael's smile and how confident he began to look. His eyes occasionally looking at Calum, but more at his fingers as he strummed, not professional and trying to make sure he got them right.

But, then it happened and Michael broke out of his shell. Calum didn't know the song, didn't know how the bridge was loud and out there. Not soft and giggly like the rest. More confident and that's how Michael suddenly seemed. His voice louder than usual, not stuttering and Calum didn't know how to react because wow. 

Michael strummed, eyes closing as he sang faster and strumming harder,"Yes sir you came and you took my breath, my head is feeling a little light. All right, I hope that you feel it too. Yes sir you came and you took my breath, my head is feeling a little light. All right, I hope that you feel it too.Oh everything you do."

He was slightly breathless, voice quiet again as he decided to just finish there with the lines,"I-I still get those stupid butterflies, but it’s just what you do...."

Calum blinked.

He didn't know what to say. He just looked at Michael. The shy boy who suddenly seemed a million times more outgoing than ever. His bright green eyes, hair and those pretty pink lips that turned into a small smile with his blushing cheeks and nervous lip bite.

Calum just got up, walking over and he hugged him. He didn't kiss him. Hugging seemed like the better option. It fit the mood, the song that was the cutest thing ever and Michael hugged him back tightly. The two embracing and Calum kissed his neck softly, then his cheek and finally his cute nose.

Michael hesitantly said,"I - I was jealous."

"Of what?" Calum asked in confusion, standing between Michael's legs which could be sexual. But, to them it wasn't. It was innocent, Michael frowning and leaning his forehead on Calum's shoulder while still hugging him by the waist with Calum running his hands through the strands of dyed green hair.

Michael shrugged, whispering,"Of Maya. Y-You guys were hugging. Didn't like it at all. B-But, you should be allowed to hug her. I'm sorry. S-shouldn't have ignored you. Missed you a lot, e-even with the club." He then added sheepishly, burying his face in the boy's shoulder,"Missed k-kissing you, too."

Calum chuckled with a grin, whispering a small 'me too' because that's all he can say. He didn't know how to react with the jealousy thing. He understood completely, being jealous of Michael and Luke often. They just had to learn to control their emotions and realize it's okay. They can have friends.

With that in mind, Michael shyly puckered his lips for a kiss and Calum laughed quietly as he pressed his lips to the boy's. It was still new. Kissing someone of the same gender, Calum's hands on his body and he wasn't happy. Because, as he pulled him closer, he was slowly taking in how small he was still.

Before, when they kissed, he seemed bigger. Not fat, definitely not, but a little bigger than he was. He wanted to ask about it, confused since he saw Michael's weight was higher. But, when Calum pulled away with a frown, trying to lift Michael's shirt and ask about it, he couldn't.

Michael was panicking, tugging him down and kissing him deeply to distract him. The weight loss was still on Calum's mind, but it slowly went away as Michael's tongue met his, his soft sounds making Calum's mind back and he ran his hands through the smaller boy's hair while pulling I'm closer.

And maybe he should have asked about it, but he didn't.

After they left, Calum didn't say anything to Ashton. He just let Michael in the car, insisting he had the front seat but Michael let Ashton sit there. Ashton didn't say much, just glancing between the two suspiciously and rolled his eyes with a small smile.

After they dropped Michael off, the two chatted quietly about the test they were studying for and complaining about the teacher. She was a bit kooky and never seemed to focus in class all too much, going off topic which was hard for the students since they were suppose to be learning.

When they got to Ashton's, he let Calum inside and was upset when seeing his parents were home. He's avoided them well and it was hard for him since they never talked. Acting like they never saw his cuts, well his dad, and that everything was fine.

Did they even care?

He just brought Calum upstairs, but his mum exclaimed,"Ashton Fletcher Irwin, do you have a boy over? You know this isn't allowed. Not on a school day."

"He's not my boyfriend, Luke is," Ashton reminded, sighing deeply as she scolded him for being taken. As if having a boyfriend was that distracting. He has on B- and had an axiety attack over it, yet she's the one seeming to be the most upset.

When she finally shut up, Ashton led Calum to his room and slammed his door to shut up his parents arguing. Calum went to ask if he's okay, but Ashton faked his smile as he took out his books and started talking about the book they were reading in English.

Calum looked at him in concern, wishing Ashton would open up to him. They're friends now and sometimes Ashton is really stubborn. Calum kept glancing at his wrist, frowning as Ashton picked at his sleeves, sneakily scratching his cuts as if to open them and feel pain.

Suddenly, Ashton sighed and said,"Luke...did something today. And - And I shouldn't tell you but I just have to and he didn't say not to, so he can't get mad, right? He never said not to tell anyone and I - I just can't keep it to myself. It's frustrating me. He can't get mad, right?"

"No, of course not! What'd he do?" Calum asked in a panic, eyebrows furrowing as he saw how tense Ashton was.

The boy chewed his thumbnail nervously and said,"He was smoking again. Like, he said you knew he did it. I don't even think Michael knows. But, he did it again and I shouldn't be mad! He smokes to release pain and I...self-harm. It's so hypocritical and I can't get upset with him when I do the same."

"Ash, everyone's a hypocrite. The only thing we can do is help him and," Calum paused, seeing Ashton trying to scratch his cut. Calum hesitantly placed his hand on Ashton's arm, stopping him as he told the boy,"And, help you."

There was a small silence. Memories from the beginning of the year occurring. It's crazy to think over three months ago Calum was bullying him. Mentally, but it still hurts just as much as it does physically. Yet, now Calum was trying to help him.

So many friendships were formed in the club of only four people. Ashton and Michael slowly becoming close, Calum and Luke acting like they didn't care about one another, Calum and Ashton becoming best friends just like Michael and Luke.

Calum thought back to an hour ago when he noticed Michael's weight loss. It's sad. Michael's good at hiding everything. His sadness, his jealousy, and his weight. Which isn't good at all and extremely dangerous, however no one seems to notice. Not his boyfriend, new friend or his best friend for years. 

But, Ashton did notice Calum's bags under his eyes and how he's helping everyone. He's taken the place Luke was in and it's not good. Ashton hated seeing Luke like that and Calum shouldn't go to the place of helping everyone but himself.

And Ashton asked,"What about you?"

Calum just smiled. The smile Ashton always uses. That everyone puts on when they try avoidng speaking of something they don't want to speak of. His eyes held tiredness, voice way too happy and he said the words Ashton lies about.

"I'm fine."


	27. Chapter 27

Christmas is a time of love and family. Not everyone is able to have such a loving time on the holiday, which is sort of what made Luke so confused. Because, every Christmas he's been alone or forced to cater a party his family has with their so-called friends that involve fake smiles and forced laughs.

Because of that, he's never loved Christmas. He liked the holiday and the concept of it, but he never truly was able to enjoy it. Even when Ben and Jack were part of the family, he was only three or five and couldn't understand it enough to appreciate it and his parents never got him anything either way.

Speaking of his brothers, they were somewhere around the world and Luke was upset that they still haven't bothered checking up on him. Maybe they just lost contact, but he didn't care much anymore. Obviously they just didn't care about it and that was fine. His parents didn't care, so of course his brothers didn't either.

Now he has a new brother and a sister he finally was able to meet. Even if his brother happens to be his somewhat frenemy and they don't get along well. Lately, they have lightened up and don't fight as much since the time Calum said he hated Luke. The word just hit him hard and he didn't like it. Especially not coming from Calum's mouth.

Maybe it's because he actually cares about Calum. He doesn't like admitting it, but he does. Ever since he 'saved' him, he's cared and hearing Calum say he hates him really hurt. He wasn't sure if he still meant it, but Luke's been trying to be nicer so Calum didn't hate him anymore.

His opinion means a lot since becoming closer. Not to mention, they have a few months still until heading off to university and if they're going to be living together in that time, then they shouldn't be hating each other. It would only cause more problems than needed. 

Besides, from what Luke learned, Ashton and Calum are friends. He didn't want to hate his boyfriend's friend and Luke is sure Calum feels the same. Sadly, not much has changed yet and Luke hoped the Christmas spirit will cause them to at least call a truce and forgive then forget.

It was Christmas eve as of now, Mali was almost home and Luke was nervous. Never has he had a sister, so he wasn't really aware of what to do or say. He's barely talked to a girl in general. All his friends are gays, he's attracted to guys and his mum was barely around so he basically lived with guys and Mrs. Hood was basically the only girl he's talked to.

He was in the living room, texting Ashton and anxiously shaking his leg while Calum was wrapping his present for Michael. Calum's parents were nice and letting Michael come over on Christmas. Only because they knew him and Luke were best friends and suspected him and Calum were as well. Not aware of him being gay and dating him.

Luke already had Ashton's present wrapped and he was going to go and see him later that night. Ashton was going away for break and leaving tomorrow morning, so he couldn't see him all week. Hopefully the Hood's wouldn't mind, they seem like family loving people and maybe if he told them it was Ashton then they would let him go.

It was six and Luke wanted to go see Ashton around eight. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, watching Calum struggling with taping his present for Michael. Luke rolled his eyes, getting up and walking over. He held down the wrapping paper and let Calum tape it with a thankful expression.

Calum got up and put the present under the tree after placing a cute bow on it. He glanced at Luke, the blonde gave him a small smile and motioned to the TV that was playing 'Home Alone 2' and Calum shrugged as he sat down. The two stayed quiet, watching the movie and waiting for Mali.

The small silence didn't bother either of them, hearing Calum's parents talking in the kitchen and cooking quietly. it was relaxing if anything and Luke preferred it over yelling or being hit. Even if silence bothers him, he liked this one. With the movie playing and him with Calum, texting Ashton as Calum texted Michael. It was perfect.

Then, Mali showed up and to say the least, Luke basically threw up from nerves. He didn't know why considering she's just a girl but this girl will be in his life a lot now. He just got use to Calum's parents and now he had another person he needed to impress and make her like him. 

As the family reunited, hugging and exclaiming random words, Luke stood back awkwardly. He was never good at these moments, especially when not involved himself. It was like watching a bunch of koalas attacking each other with hugs and kissing cheeks.

She was beautiful, to say the least. Literally seeming like an angel and Luke would probably be attracted to her if it wasn't for her being older, basically his sister and him being taken. Gender doesn't matter, but the fact that he can't not see her as his sister anymore really killed it. Plus, Ashton is perfection and his lovebug.

After she stopped hugging them, the girl looked at Luke with a blank expression and Luke nervously waved at her like an idiot with his stupid grin on his face. The one he has when awkward and forced. Mali raised an eyebrow and Luke slowly stopped waving, placing his hand down with a timid smile.

Mali nodded slowly,"Alright, I have a hot brother now, I guess."

A blush coated Luke's cheeks, Calum glaring at his sister who raised her hands in defense. Luke chuckled awkwardly and shrugged,"Uh, thanks. I think."

"Excuse our daughters lack of filter in her brain. She doesn't think before speaking, but I guess you'll need to learn to deal with it seeing as she'll be your sister within a month," Mrs.Hood grinned, patting Luke's head and left to the kitchen to continue cooking the dinner.

A silence fell and all the siblings now looked at each other. Boy, it would be hilarious to explain to people that they're siblings considering Mali and Calum look nothing like Luke. People would most likely think they're joking. They're not blood related, but Luke considers them family now.

He already really liked Mali, who was telling them stories about her time in university as they all gathered around the family room fire and played board games such as monopoly and candyland. He learned that he Hood's were very competitive which he was as well, only with sports though.

As time flew by, they soon ate dinner and Luke felt more comfortable whenever they asked him questions. He noticed how Mali was staring at him and that made him slightly uncomfortable. It wasn't a lust-filled stare nor a 'I hate you' type, but rather the stare you are given when a person is curious about you.

He shifted under her eyes, picking at his ham and eating his mashed potatoes while Mr.Hood talked to him and Calum about the track meet coming up after break. He was excited, since he didn't get to run in the last meet seeing as he just joined when they last did it and then he was too bruised up for the recent one. Hopefully he can participate this time. 

It wasn't long till they had dessert, Luke sneaking Ashton a brownie and some cookies since he most likely wasn't able to eat once again. Luke was very worried, considering Ashton told him that his parents found his cuts. He really didn't like Ashton living in that house, but his parents were confusing. Seeing as they care, but are way too harsh on him. 

Is it considered abuse if Ashton isn't given food? That he is forced to finish extra schoolwork just to see Luke for two hours? Because, that is what he texted Luke. That he needed to finish some worksheets his parents made just to see him. Luke told him it was fine and that they can see each other another time, but Ashton insisted he could do it. 

People would say 'he's seventeen, he can cook himself'. But, seeing as his parents are always home, at least one of them, then it's kind of hard for him to do that. He's not allowed to have a job and the only time he eats is at school, which is where Luke gives him much of his food as well.

Which is why Luke has packed up some food for him to give to Ashton so he can eat. He was hoping Ashton would be able to get some food at his grandparents house, which was where he was going for his Christmas break. If not, then Luke would seriously not be able to stand around without doing anything. 

When dinner was done, Luke changed into a sweater with grey and black stripes along with a black, semi-big coat and some gloves. It was cold out despite it being summer during Christmas in Australia. Before Luke could head out and tell the Hood's he's leaving, he was pulled back and turned to face a grinning Mr.Hood.

Luke hesitated,"I-I was just hoping I could hang out with Ashton for a little bit? He's going away for the break and um, I just wanted to give him his present and stuff."

Mr. Hood grinned, motioning for the him to go out and Luke was confused but did as told. He stepped outside, shivering at the cool breeze and breath hitched as his eyes landed on a black 2014 BMW M3. His jaw dropped, slowly turning to face Mr.Hood who held out the keys.

Not able to speak, Luke just stared and he noticed Calum standing back with narrowed eyes full of jealousy and arms crossed. He didn't even blame Calum for being mad, considering his car was a 2013 Volvo. He felt so guilty, not sure what to even say anymore.

"I-I can't take this," Luke said quietly, refusing to take the keys from the man's hand.

However, Mr.Hood insisted,"It's a gift. You have your license, you need a car. You deserve it and it wasn't much from us. We have the money and I can see you want it."

And boy, did Luke want the car. However, he just felt so bad for having them spend so much money on him. It took a lot of pursuing from Mrs.Hood, but he finally smiled and thanked them a million times as Calum just rolled his eyes and left into the house with a frown on his face.

The first place Luke could think of going in his new car was definitely Ashton's. He didn't even think of Calum's frown because, as much as he cared for him, he knew talking now would be no different than talking tomorrow. Plus, he had a week to make Calum forgive him and only two hours until he wouldn't be able to see Ashton for quite some time. A week seems short, but it really isn't.

On his way to the boy's place, he texted Ashton to come outside and that he had a suprise. He waited outside the house, getting out of his car and leaning against the door with his glove covered hands warmed up and a cute beanie on his head while staring at the door to have his boyfriend emerge from it.

He did and he looked so cute. Wearing a scarf and black coat, fringed hair brushed to the side slightly and away from his eyes, giving Luke a chance to see the shocked expression of them. Ashton slowly shut his front door, walking towards Luke's car with a gaping expression.

Luke chuckled a bit, walking towards Ashton to give him a kiss. But, he pouted as Ashton ignored him and ran his hand over the hood of the car, looking amazed. Of course, he gets a car and now the car has stolen his boyfriend. This seems to happen to a lot of people.

Ashton just asked,"How?"

"The Hood's got it for me! Now, c'mon. I have a present for you and thought we could go somewhere," Luke told him softly, taking Ashton's hand in his hand opening the passenger side door for him.

Before he could go to his own side, Ashton pulled him back and kissed him deeply. He smirked and shut the door, leaving Luke breathless and standing there in shock for a moment. He then shook his head and chuckled, going to his side and buckled up, driving off.

On the way to the location, Ashton said smugly,"My boyfriend has a car."

"Don't get all cocky, bug. It's not cute," Luke teased, giving him a look and then eyes were on the road. 

Ashton just laughed, wearing Luke's glove since Luke couldn't wear them driving. It wasn't illegal, but more uncomfortable for him. Ashton giggled slightly since the gloves were a bit small on him but they were warm and comfy, so he didn't mind all too much. He just has big hands.

After a few minutes, Ashton got bored and put on the radio chuckling when Ariana Grande's Christmas song came on. It reminded him of Michael, seeing as the boy loved her, and he looked up, seeing Luke's amused expression meaning he was thinking the same.

Suddenly they pulled into a parking lot, Ashton's heart dropping at where they were. A guilty expression appeared on Luke's face but he got out and Ashton slowly did the same. Luke grabbed his present from the back, noticing Ashton's frowning face and regretted taking him here but he also didn't.

Luke held his hand out, thankful when Ashton placed his in the blonde's. They slowly walked into the graveyard, leaves crunching under their feet seeing as fall was basically there. The wind blew, Ashton's body trembling and Luke pulled him close, taking his hand out of Ashton's and wrapped it around his waist instead.

When they got to the grave, Ashton had tears falling and Luke felt bad. He knew what he was doing, though. He slowly sat down in front of the grave, Ashton hesitantly doing the same unsure of what the hell was going on. Luke took out a small candle, along with his match and he lit it, placing it in front of the grave reading Bradley's name.

Luke told Ashton quietly, taking his hand,"I know you still love him."

"I do," Ashton admitted with a guilty frown. 

Luke nodded in understanding, trying not to be hurt by that because despite it being three years, it was going to take time. However, he asked curiously,"But, what type of love is it?"

It was silent for a moment, Ashton fidgeting with the glove on his free hand and looked at the grave. He thought back to the memories, his first kiss and Bradley's smile. His adorable braces and skater brown hair. How they use to read comics together and have sleepovers, staying up till two in the morning.

And he turned to Luke, seeing the sincere blue eyes. He didn't even seem upset that Ashton could possibly be in love with his ex-boyfriend. He thought about it before saying honestly,"I love him, but I'm falling for someone else and I think I'm over him now, romantically."

Luke blushed slightly,"Are you sure? It's fine if you're not. I know it takes time."

"It's been three years," Ashton told him with a small chuckle, scooting closer to Luke and giving him a small kiss on his slightly chapped lips. "I'm over it. I don't think I can ever been completely okay with him being gone, but I haven't thought about him too much. I - I even stopped wearing the necklace."

Luke was surprised, seeing that the necklace was gone and Ashton wore the one Michael gave him. Luke smiled softly, taking Ashton's hand and blew out the candle by the grave. Ashton took his hand, standing up and they headed back to the car. But, Ashton spared one last look at the grave before sighing and smiling as he sped up a bit to get to Luke.

When they got to the car, Luke led them to the backseat instead of the front. He pulled out the brownie and cookies, handing the plastic container to Ashton who smiled thankfully, giving him a small kiss on the lips and Luke giggled slightly, watching Ashton basically ravish the chocolate dessert.

There was crumbs on his lips and fudge on his nose, making Luke let out a small laugh. He smirked, leaning forward and quickly licked the tip of Ashton's nose, making the boy squirm and look at him with a mixture of disgust along with amusement. Luke just shrugged, letting him finish eating.

For about an hour, they sat in the backseat and they ate, listened to music and cuddled as best they could considering both were rather tall and the car wasn't very big. He recieved a text not long after, with Calum telling him they have thirty minutes till mum wants him home.

Realizing the time, Luke sighed and nervously grabbed the present he got Ashton. He handed it to the boy, who slowly took it after wiping his mouth quickly. Ashton chewed on his bottom lip, unwrapping the small present only to take it out and see a woven bracelet with the name 'Luke' on it. 

He looked at Luke, who explained quietly,"Um, the butterfly project isn't working too much. I was hoping it would and I know this isn't exactly going to help much either. But, I thought having a bracelet on that you can't take off will help more, since it's permanent unless you cut it off."

He took the bracelet, showing Ashton what he meant as he tied up the bracelet on the wrist. It was too small to slip off and Luke's knots were tight and secure. Ashton gulped slowly, seeing Luke roll up his sleeves and see how many butterflies were drawn on them.

Luke then rose an eyebrow and so Ashton lifted his shirt to show his sides and it took a minute or so, but he tugged his pants down enough to show his thighs and Luke smiled, nodding at him and opened his arms for Ashton to cuddle in, which the boy did without hesitating.

Luke told him with a small kiss on the head, playing with the bracelet on Ashton's arm,"You need to at least try to stop, love. Last time, you weren't trying. And I know it takes time, but please try. There are other things to do and it's easier for me, since I don't have cigarettes all the time. But, maybe throw out your blades and razors. You need to love yourself, bug. Insecurities shouldn't run your life."

"How can I love myself when no one else does?" 

Ashton spoke with a frown, face hidden in the crook of Luke's neck as he heard his voice crack a bit. No one loves him, especially not his own parents who haven't even cared that he hurt himself nor that his grades finally were boosted again. They don't care.

The words he said caused Luke's heart to drop, him sighing sadly and pressing his lips to Ashton's, letting his kiss do the talking as he caught Ashton off guard. Ashton clenched Luke's shirt a bit, weakly kissing back slowly and sensually. The car was silent and there was s chance someone saw them in the window of the car, but neither cared.

Luke's tongue glided across Ashton's bottom lip, slipping in his mouth and Ashton sighed softly as he let their tongues meet in the middle. It wasn't hot or frantic, just full of passion and they kissed for what seemed like hours in the back of Luke's new car, by the graveyard on Christmas. It sounded crazy, but they were never normal either way.

When Luke's phone vibrated, he ignored it and pulled his lips from Ashton's, smiling a bit at how lovestruck Ashton looked with wide eyes and pink lips along wish a blush on his cheeks. And thought they've only dated for a little over a month, Luke was honest as he placed his hand on Ashton's cold cheek.

"I do. I love you a lot and always have," He spoke in a whisper, not giving Ashton time to reply as he kissed him again before getting out to the drivers seat, leaving Ashton speechless in the backseat.

-

Christmas at the Hood's was crazy and hectic. Luke was awoken at seven in the morning to Calum screaming 'presents!' as if he's a two year old and Luke just groaned, burying his face in the pillow and hoped everyone would let him sleep in. That didn't happen.

He didn't get much for Christmas, which was fine considering he already had a car, home and family. It sounded cheesy, but that's all he really needed. He didn't mind not getting stupid shit like an iPod. He did get a phone again, which was crazy, however Mr.Hood didn't like him having a crappy phone that they got him until they could get a new one.

Their breakfast involved pancakes and a lot of arguing over who gets the last piece of bacon. Mali won, slapping Calum with a spoon and was yelled at by their parents. She just grinned, eating the bacon proudly and Calum pouted as he ate the rest of his eggs unhappily.

Calum got a new pair of headphones, some clothes, a new pair of shoes as if he needs more, and the new iPhone. It wasn't very new anymore, but he didn't mind. Maybe he should just wait till another new one comes out but his parents got it for him and he appreciated that.

After the morning was over with, It was around lunch time and Calum was glaring in his room, pacing slightly as he waited since Michael should be here soon. His sister was heading out to where their parents were in the car, but halted by the doorway on her way downstairs with a beanie on her head.

She raised an eyebrow at Calum, who fiddled with his fingers and watched in amusement as he tossed Luke's stuff across the room to the blonde's side of the bed. Mali sighed then knocked on the door for a second. Calum looked up, rolling his eyes and asked,"Yes sis'?"

"What's with the pacing? Does this have to do with Luke?" She asked knowingly, leaning against the door with a small smirk.

Calum frowned, kicking Luke's shoe under the bed in annoyance and reluctantly nodded,"Yeah, I guess. I-I just hate him so much sometimes. Like, he came in and took over everything. I can take a shower without seeing his stupid blonde hair in the drain, it's so annoying!"

"Someone's jealous," Mali sing-songed with a small laugh, but stopped when seeing Calum's actually upset. She hesitated, glancing downstairs before she told him honestly,"Luke is a nice guy,okay? I know right now it seems like he's taken over everything, but give him a chance. He's a good person and so are you."

With that said, she gave him a small smile and left the room. He watched where she stood with a thoughtful expression. Surely he and Luke were arguing often, but he didn't really hate him. If anything, he envied the guy who had a close bond with Michael and Ashton, his boyfriend and new best friend.

Calum ran a hand through his hair and went downstairs, seeing Luke on the couch watching some spongebob Christmas special. He didn't say anything, just walking into the kitchen and occasionally glancing at the blonde with a guilty expression.

Later that day, Calum was in the room texting Michael who said he should be there soon. Calum offered to drive him, but Michael said it was fine. Calum was situating the room and making sure it was clean since he figured they would spend a lot of time in there.

Now, his parents were gone with Mali, shopping and ice skating. He and Luke were alone in the house and he was hoping Luke would be gone for a while, however he forgot Luke didn't have friends and basically was stuck in the house with them. It's kind of awkward. Especially after the talk with Mali.

As he cleaned the room, he found some trash and stupid unnecessary things in the room which was mostly Luke's things. He tossed them in Luke's corner, rolling his eyes and fixed up his bed. He laid out his pillows perfectly, placing Michael's present on the bed with a proud grin. But, it was crooked. He groaned, trying to straighten it out and repeatedly moved it, hoping it was okay and it was.

Until Luke walked in the room with his hair damp, sitting on the bed and causing the present to fall off the bed. Calum gasped, glaring at Luke and picked up the present,"You dickhead! I finally got it right!"

"Maybe it should go left," Luke joked, but Calum just narrowed his eyes. He sighed, holding his hands in defense,"Calm down, I know you're mad at me but there's no reason to be fiesty on Christmas."

Calum ignored what he said, hearing the doorbell go off and he shoved Luke off the bed. Calum quickly smoothed the blanket out, placing the present on it and Luke watched in amusement. He's never seen Calum so concerned over a person's opinion. He's whipped.

As Calum went downstairs, he told Luke with a glare,"Stay out of the room, okay? Just stay downstairs and leave us alone for a bit. We're dating and we've barely hung out alone."

"I don't really like the idea of you two being alone," Luke grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Just -- don't do anything. Just cause he's not a virgin doesn't mean you two should be fooling around like that. He's still my best friend and - and I think you should wait to do anything."

A blush coated Calum's cheeks and he exclaimed,"We're not gonna be fucking!"

Someone cleared their throat awkwardly and they both jumped, seeing Michael giving them a timid smile. He was holding up the spare key, probably remembering it was under the mat and Calum chuckled weakly, giving Luke a quick knowing look and took Michael's hand in his. 

He dragged the boy upstairs, Michael stumbling a bit on the way and giving Luke a quick wave. Luke rolled his eyes, going into the living room while Calum opened the door to his room. Michael smiled, looking around despite having been in the room a few times. He noticed Luke's futon and then eyes darted to a present on the bed.

Calum quickly went over after locking the door, grabbing the present and handing it to Michael who sheepishly mumbled,"I-I didn't get you a present."

"It's fine, I don't mind. You're my present," Calum said cheesily, kissing Michael's cheek and having Michael sit on his lap as they at on the bed.

Still, Michael felt bad and frowned a bit. But, he opened the present while Calum watched with eager eyes. Michael's breath hitched as he pulled out two tickets to Ariana Grande's Honeymoon tour at Madison Square Garden along with two plane tickets.

Michael glanced at Calum with wide eyes, then at the tickets and Calum went to speak. Before he could, though, Michael practically tackled him on the bed with a hug, pressing his lips to the taller boy's and mumbled 'thank you' repeatedly in between kisses, grinning like an idiot.

Calum chuckled in amusement, seeing Michael pull away but then Calum pulled him back down and kissed him deeply. Michael squeaked slightly, but hesitantly kissed back. Calum blindly took the tickets from Michael's hand, placing them on the bedside table as continued kissing the green-haired boy.

Suddenly, Calum sat up a bit, lips never leaving Michael's as he rolled them over so he was on top. Michael nervously wrapped his arms around Calum's neck as the taller boy placed hot, open mouth kisses on Michael's lips. Michael's heart was pounding, not use to it but he liked it. Maybe more than he should.

Because, as they continued making out, he could feel himself growing hard much to his humiliation and he let out a small whine as Calum's lips left his, causing Calum to smirk and Michael to blush. Calum just shushed him softly, kissing down his neck and suck a small love bite there. 

As he let his hands roam Michael's body, it was all new and there wasn't any breasts and his body wasn't curvy. But, he liked it and Calum brought his lips to the shorter boy's once more, body against his and his groin rubbed against Michael's, causing a quiet moan to unwillingly leave Michael's lips.

The noise caught them both off guard, Michael blushing fiercely as he pulled away from Calum. Calum's eyes darted to the bump in Michael's jeans where he was hard. Seeing this, Michael quickly sat up and pressed his knees to his chest, embarrassed as he mumbled,"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Hey, hey," Calum chuckled softly, placing his hands on Michael's shoulder and moved his head down a bit so he could look into Michael's watery green eyes. He was surprised by the tears, frowning and said in confusion,"Don't cry, sweetheart. It's fine. i mean, it's not bad at all. It just - it means I turned you on. I think that's a compliment."

Michael wiped his eyes quickly and whispered,"I-I've never really...that d-doesn't happen to me."

"You don't get turned on? C'mon, I doubt that's true, kitten," Calum teased slightly, smirking a bit as Michael shyly looked down. 

At first Michael shrugged, but then he admitted sheepishly,"Um, I-I had a dream that we were...doing things. A-And you were touching me and you were taking off my clothes. B-But, then I woke up and yeah. That was it."

Calum gulped slowly, feeling his jeans tighten more as he took in what Michael said. He never thought he could think of Michael as sexy, cause he's just so cute. But, then he thought about Michael naked, under him and moaning as Calum touched him.

Holy shit, he's thinking about sex on Christmas. That's just wrong. Calum shook his thoughts away, glancing at Michael who still was hard. He could offer to get rid of it for him, but he's never sucked anyone off before and it seemed to early in the relationship to be doing that.

So, he smirked and started tickling Michael who bursted out laughing by surprise. Surely it seemed like that would make them more hard, but they were laughing too much to think about the fact that Calum was on top of him. Michael was practically dying of laughter, face red and trying to push Calum off of him weakly.

But the problem was this. As his fingers pinched Michael's sides lightly, he couldn't help but once again feel the thin body beneath him. It was worrying him and he wanted to say or do something, but he was scared to face reality.

And so, Calum didn't. He pushed the facts away that Michael was still small, held back the tears of worry for his boyfriend and smiled. Because, Michael was laughing and giggling and seemed so happy whenever they were together. Which, Michael was happy. But, only with Calum and his friends. Never with himself.

When they were done being goofballs, It worked and well, he wasn't turned on anymore and neither was Calum. Instead of being alone in the room anymore, Michael and Calum joined Luke downstairs who seemed lonely. Michael grabbed Calum's arm, shushing him silently and pointed to Luke with a knowing expression who was laying on the couch.

Suddenly, the two flipped over the couch and ontop of Luke, who let out a groan of pain. And that's how they spent their Christmas. Surely Luke missed Ashton and he wasn't with them, but they did Skype quickly for maybe five minutes later that day and that's how the misfits spent their holidays;

Getting hard, admitting to having dirty dreams, being called hot by your new sister, screaming over Ariana Grande tickets, making out in the back of a car by a grave where your ex's dead body was buried and having tickle fights.


	28. Chapter 28

Christmas is a time of love and family. Not everyone is able to have such a loving time on the holiday, which is sort of what made Luke so confused. Because, every Christmas he's been alone or forced to cater a party his family has with their so-called friends that involve fake smiles and forced laughs.

Because of that, he's never loved Christmas. He liked the holiday and the concept of it, but he never truly was able to enjoy it. Even when Ben and Jack were part of the family, he was only three or five and couldn't understand it enough to appreciate it and his parents never got him anything either way.

Speaking of his brothers, they were somewhere around the world and Luke was upset that they still haven't bothered checking up on him. Maybe they just lost contact, but he didn't care much anymore. Obviously they just didn't care about it and that was fine. His parents didn't care, so of course his brothers didn't either.

Now he has a new brother and a sister he finally was able to meet. Even if his brother happens to be his somewhat frenemy and they don't get along well. Lately, they have lightened up and don't fight as much since the time Calum said he hated Luke. The word just hit him hard and he didn't like it. Especially not coming from Calum's mouth.

Maybe it's because he actually cares about Calum. He doesn't like admitting it, but he does. Ever since he 'saved' him, he's cared and hearing Calum say he hates him really hurt. He wasn't sure if he still meant it, but Luke's been trying to be nicer so Calum didn't hate him anymore.

His opinion means a lot since becoming closer. Not to mention, they have a few months still until heading off to university and if they're going to be living together in that time, then they shouldn't be hating each other. It would only cause more problems than needed. 

Besides, from what Luke learned, Ashton and Calum are friends. He didn't want to hate his boyfriend's friend and Luke is sure Calum feels the same. Sadly, not much has changed yet and Luke hoped the Christmas spirit will cause them to at least call a truce and forgive then forget.

It was Christmas eve as of now, Mali was almost home and Luke was nervous. Never has he had a sister, so he wasn't really aware of what to do or say. He's barely talked to a girl in general. All his friends are gays, he's attracted to guys and his mum was barely around so he basically lived with guys and Mrs. Hood was basically the only girl he's talked to.

He was in the living room, texting Ashton and anxiously shaking his leg while Calum was wrapping his present for Michael. Calum's parents were nice and letting Michael come over on Christmas. Only because they knew him and Luke were best friends and suspected him and Calum were as well. Not aware of him being gay and dating him.

Luke already had Ashton's present wrapped and he was going to go and see him later that night. Ashton was going away for break and leaving tomorrow morning, so he couldn't see him all week. Hopefully the Hood's wouldn't mind, they seem like family loving people and maybe if he told them it was Ashton then they would let him go.

It was six and Luke wanted to go see Ashton around eight. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, watching Calum struggling with taping his present for Michael. Luke rolled his eyes, getting up and walking over. He held down the wrapping paper and let Calum tape it with a thankful expression.

Calum got up and put the present under the tree after placing a cute bow on it. He glanced at Luke, the blonde gave him a small smile and motioned to the TV that was playing 'Home Alone 2' and Calum shrugged as he sat down. The two stayed quiet, watching the movie and waiting for Mali.

The small silence didn't bother either of them, hearing Calum's parents talking in the kitchen and cooking quietly. it was relaxing if anything and Luke preferred it over yelling or being hit. Even if silence bothers him, he liked this one. With the movie playing and him with Calum, texting Ashton as Calum texted Michael. It was perfect.

Then, Mali showed up and to say the least, Luke basically threw up from nerves. He didn't know why considering she's just a girl but this girl will be in his life a lot now. He just got use to Calum's parents and now he had another person he needed to impress and make her like him. 

As the family reunited, hugging and exclaiming random words, Luke stood back awkwardly. He was never good at these moments, especially when not involved himself. It was like watching a bunch of koalas attacking each other with hugs and kissing cheeks.

She was beautiful, to say the least. Literally seeming like an angel and Luke would probably be attracted to her if it wasn't for her being older, basically his sister and him being taken. Gender doesn't matter, but the fact that he can't not see her as his sister anymore really killed it. Plus, Ashton is perfection and his lovebug.

After she stopped hugging them, the girl looked at Luke with a blank expression and Luke nervously waved at her like an idiot with his stupid grin on his face. The one he has when awkward and forced. Mali raised an eyebrow and Luke slowly stopped waving, placing his hand down with a timid smile.

Mali nodded slowly,"Alright, I have a hot brother now, I guess."

A blush coated Luke's cheeks, Calum glaring at his sister who raised her hands in defense. Luke chuckled awkwardly and shrugged,"Uh, thanks. I think."

"Excuse our daughters lack of filter in her brain. She doesn't think before speaking, but I guess you'll need to learn to deal with it seeing as she'll be your sister within a month," Mrs.Hood grinned, patting Luke's head and left to the kitchen to continue cooking the dinner.

A silence fell and all the siblings now looked at each other. Boy, it would be hilarious to explain to people that they're siblings considering Mali and Calum look nothing like Luke. People would most likely think they're joking. They're not blood related, but Luke considers them family now.

He already really liked Mali, who was telling them stories about her time in university as they all gathered around the family room fire and played board games such as monopoly and candyland. He learned that he Hood's were very competitive which he was as well, only with sports though.

As time flew by, they soon ate dinner and Luke felt more comfortable whenever they asked him questions. He noticed how Mali was staring at him and that made him slightly uncomfortable. It wasn't a lust-filled stare nor a 'I hate you' type, but rather the stare you are given when a person is curious about you.

He shifted under her eyes, picking at his ham and eating his mashed potatoes while Mr.Hood talked to him and Calum about the track meet coming up after break. He was excited, since he didn't get to run in the last meet seeing as he just joined when they last did it and then he was too bruised up for the recent one. Hopefully he can participate this time. 

It wasn't long till they had dessert, Luke sneaking Ashton a brownie and some cookies since he most likely wasn't able to eat once again. Luke was very worried, considering Ashton told him that his parents found his cuts. He really didn't like Ashton living in that house, but his parents were confusing. Seeing as they care, but are way too harsh on him. 

Is it considered abuse if Ashton isn't given food? That he is forced to finish extra schoolwork just to see Luke for two hours? Because, that is what he texted Luke. That he needed to finish some worksheets his parents made just to see him. Luke told him it was fine and that they can see each other another time, but Ashton insisted he could do it. 

People would say 'he's seventeen, he can cook himself'. But, seeing as his parents are always home, at least one of them, then it's kind of hard for him to do that. He's not allowed to have a job and the only time he eats is at school, which is where Luke gives him much of his food as well.

Which is why Luke has packed up some food for him to give to Ashton so he can eat. He was hoping Ashton would be able to get some food at his grandparents house, which was where he was going for his Christmas break. If not, then Luke would seriously not be able to stand around without doing anything. 

When dinner was done, Luke changed into a sweater with grey and black stripes along with a black, semi-big coat and some gloves. It was cold out despite it being summer during Christmas in Australia. Before Luke could head out and tell the Hood's he's leaving, he was pulled back and turned to face a grinning Mr.Hood.

Luke hesitated,"I-I was just hoping I could hang out with Ashton for a little bit? He's going away for the break and um, I just wanted to give him his present and stuff."

Mr. Hood grinned, motioning for the him to go out and Luke was confused but did as told. He stepped outside, shivering at the cool breeze and breath hitched as his eyes landed on a black 2014 BMW M3. His jaw dropped, slowly turning to face Mr.Hood who held out the keys.

Not able to speak, Luke just stared and he noticed Calum standing back with narrowed eyes full of jealousy and arms crossed. He didn't even blame Calum for being mad, considering his car was a 2013 Volvo. He felt so guilty, not sure what to even say anymore.

"I-I can't take this," Luke said quietly, refusing to take the keys from the man's hand.

However, Mr.Hood insisted,"It's a gift. You have your license, you need a car. You deserve it and it wasn't much from us. We have the money and I can see you want it."

And boy, did Luke want the car. However, he just felt so bad for having them spend so much money on him. It took a lot of pursuing from Mrs.Hood, but he finally smiled and thanked them a million times as Calum just rolled his eyes and left into the house with a frown on his face.

The first place Luke could think of going in his new car was definitely Ashton's. He didn't even think of Calum's frown because, as much as he cared for him, he knew talking now would be no different than talking tomorrow. Plus, he had a week to make Calum forgive him and only two hours until he wouldn't be able to see Ashton for quite some time. A week seems short, but it really isn't.

On his way to the boy's place, he texted Ashton to come outside and that he had a suprise. He waited outside the house, getting out of his car and leaning against the door with his glove covered hands warmed up and a cute beanie on his head while staring at the door to have his boyfriend emerge from it.

He did and he looked so cute. Wearing a scarf and black coat, fringed hair brushed to the side slightly and away from his eyes, giving Luke a chance to see the shocked expression of them. Ashton slowly shut his front door, walking towards Luke's car with a gaping expression.

Luke chuckled a bit, walking towards Ashton to give him a kiss. But, he pouted as Ashton ignored him and ran his hand over the hood of the car, looking amazed. Of course, he gets a car and now the car has stolen his boyfriend. This seems to happen to a lot of people.

Ashton just asked,"How?"

"The Hood's got it for me! Now, c'mon. I have a present for you and thought we could go somewhere," Luke told him softly, taking Ashton's hand in his hand opening the passenger side door for him.

Before he could go to his own side, Ashton pulled him back and kissed him deeply. He smirked and shut the door, leaving Luke breathless and standing there in shock for a moment. He then shook his head and chuckled, going to his side and buckled up, driving off.

On the way to the location, Ashton said smugly,"My boyfriend has a car."

"Don't get all cocky, bug. It's not cute," Luke teased, giving him a look and then eyes were on the road. 

Ashton just laughed, wearing Luke's glove since Luke couldn't wear them driving. It wasn't illegal, but more uncomfortable for him. Ashton giggled slightly since the gloves were a bit small on him but they were warm and comfy, so he didn't mind all too much. He just has big hands.

After a few minutes, Ashton got bored and put on the radio chuckling when Ariana Grande's Christmas song came on. It reminded him of Michael, seeing as the boy loved her, and he looked up, seeing Luke's amused expression meaning he was thinking the same.

Suddenly they pulled into a parking lot, Ashton's heart dropping at where they were. A guilty expression appeared on Luke's face but he got out and Ashton slowly did the same. Luke grabbed his present from the back, noticing Ashton's frowning face and regretted taking him here but he also didn't.

Luke held his hand out, thankful when Ashton placed his in the blonde's. They slowly walked into the graveyard, leaves crunching under their feet seeing as fall was basically there. The wind blew, Ashton's body trembling and Luke pulled him close, taking his hand out of Ashton's and wrapped it around his waist instead.

When they got to the grave, Ashton had tears falling and Luke felt bad. He knew what he was doing, though. He slowly sat down in front of the grave, Ashton hesitantly doing the same unsure of what the hell was going on. Luke took out a small candle, along with his match and he lit it, placing it in front of the grave reading Bradley's name.

Luke told Ashton quietly, taking his hand,"I know you still love him."

"I do," Ashton admitted with a guilty frown. 

Luke nodded in understanding, trying not to be hurt by that because despite it being three years, it was going to take time. However, he asked curiously,"But, what type of love is it?"

It was silent for a moment, Ashton fidgeting with the glove on his free hand and looked at the grave. He thought back to the memories, his first kiss and Bradley's smile. His adorable braces and skater brown hair. How they use to read comics together and have sleepovers, staying up till two in the morning.

And he turned to Luke, seeing the sincere blue eyes. He didn't even seem upset that Ashton could possibly be in love with his ex-boyfriend. He thought about it before saying honestly,"I love him, but I'm falling for someone else and I think I'm over him now, romantically."

Luke blushed slightly,"Are you sure? It's fine if you're not. I know it takes time."

"It's been three years," Ashton told him with a small chuckle, scooting closer to Luke and giving him a small kiss on his slightly chapped lips. "I'm over it. I don't think I can ever been completely okay with him being gone, but I haven't thought about him too much. I - I even stopped wearing the necklace."

Luke was surprised, seeing that the necklace was gone and Ashton wore the one Michael gave him. Luke smiled softly, taking Ashton's hand and blew out the candle by the grave. Ashton took his hand, standing up and they headed back to the car. But, Ashton spared one last look at the grave before sighing and smiling as he sped up a bit to get to Luke.

When they got to the car, Luke led them to the backseat instead of the front. He pulled out the brownie and cookies, handing the plastic container to Ashton who smiled thankfully, giving him a small kiss on the lips and Luke giggled slightly, watching Ashton basically ravish the chocolate dessert.

There was crumbs on his lips and fudge on his nose, making Luke let out a small laugh. He smirked, leaning forward and quickly licked the tip of Ashton's nose, making the boy squirm and look at him with a mixture of disgust along with amusement. Luke just shrugged, letting him finish eating.

For about an hour, they sat in the backseat and they ate, listened to music and cuddled as best they could considering both were rather tall and the car wasn't very big. He recieved a text not long after, with Calum telling him they have thirty minutes till mum wants him home.

Realizing the time, Luke sighed and nervously grabbed the present he got Ashton. He handed it to the boy, who slowly took it after wiping his mouth quickly. Ashton chewed on his bottom lip, unwrapping the small present only to take it out and see a woven bracelet with the name 'Luke' on it. 

He looked at Luke, who explained quietly,"Um, the butterfly project isn't working too much. I was hoping it would and I know this isn't exactly going to help much either. But, I thought having a bracelet on that you can't take off will help more, since it's permanent unless you cut it off."

He took the bracelet, showing Ashton what he meant as he tied up the bracelet on the wrist. It was too small to slip off and Luke's knots were tight and secure. Ashton gulped slowly, seeing Luke roll up his sleeves and see how many butterflies were drawn on them.

Luke then rose an eyebrow and so Ashton lifted his shirt to show his sides and it took a minute or so, but he tugged his pants down enough to show his thighs and Luke smiled, nodding at him and opened his arms for Ashton to cuddle in, which the boy did without hesitating.

Luke told him with a small kiss on the head, playing with the bracelet on Ashton's arm,"You need to at least try to stop, love. Last time, you weren't trying. And I know it takes time, but please try. There are other things to do and it's easier for me, since I don't have cigarettes all the time. But, maybe throw out your blades and razors. You need to love yourself, bug. Insecurities shouldn't run your life."

"How can I love myself when no one else does?" 

Ashton spoke with a frown, face hidden in the crook of Luke's neck as he heard his voice crack a bit. No one loves him, especially not his own parents who haven't even cared that he hurt himself nor that his grades finally were boosted again. They don't care.

The words he said caused Luke's heart to drop, him sighing sadly and pressing his lips to Ashton's, letting his kiss do the talking as he caught Ashton off guard. Ashton clenched Luke's shirt a bit, weakly kissing back slowly and sensually. The car was silent and there was s chance someone saw them in the window of the car, but neither cared.

Luke's tongue glided across Ashton's bottom lip, slipping in his mouth and Ashton sighed softly as he let their tongues meet in the middle. It wasn't hot or frantic, just full of passion and they kissed for what seemed like hours in the back of Luke's new car, by the graveyard on Christmas. It sounded crazy, but they were never normal either way.

When Luke's phone vibrated, he ignored it and pulled his lips from Ashton's, smiling a bit at how lovestruck Ashton looked with wide eyes and pink lips along wish a blush on his cheeks. And thought they've only dated for a little over a month, Luke was honest as he placed his hand on Ashton's cold cheek.

"I do. I love you a lot and always have," He spoke in a whisper, not giving Ashton time to reply as he kissed him again before getting out to the drivers seat, leaving Ashton speechless in the backseat.

-

Christmas at the Hood's was crazy and hectic. Luke was awoken at seven in the morning to Calum screaming 'presents!' as if he's a two year old and Luke just groaned, burying his face in the pillow and hoped everyone would let him sleep in. That didn't happen.

He didn't get much for Christmas, which was fine considering he already had a car, home and family. It sounded cheesy, but that's all he really needed. He didn't mind not getting stupid shit like an iPod. He did get a phone again, which was crazy, however Mr.Hood didn't like him having a crappy phone that they got him until they could get a new one.

Their breakfast involved pancakes and a lot of arguing over who gets the last piece of bacon. Mali won, slapping Calum with a spoon and was yelled at by their parents. She just grinned, eating the bacon proudly and Calum pouted as he ate the rest of his eggs unhappily.

Calum got a new pair of headphones, some clothes, a new pair of shoes as if he needs more, and the new iPhone. It wasn't very new anymore, but he didn't mind. Maybe he should just wait till another new one comes out but his parents got it for him and he appreciated that.

After the morning was over with, It was around lunch time and Calum was glaring in his room, pacing slightly as he waited since Michael should be here soon. His sister was heading out to where their parents were in the car, but halted by the doorway on her way downstairs with a beanie on her head.

She raised an eyebrow at Calum, who fiddled with his fingers and watched in amusement as he tossed Luke's stuff across the room to the blonde's side of the bed. Mali sighed then knocked on the door for a second. Calum looked up, rolling his eyes and asked,"Yes sis'?"

"What's with the pacing? Does this have to do with Luke?" She asked knowingly, leaning against the door with a small smirk.

Calum frowned, kicking Luke's shoe under the bed in annoyance and reluctantly nodded,"Yeah, I guess. I-I just hate him so much sometimes. Like, he came in and took over everything. I can take a shower without seeing his stupid blonde hair in the drain, it's so annoying!"

"Someone's jealous," Mali sing-songed with a small laugh, but stopped when seeing Calum's actually upset. She hesitated, glancing downstairs before she told him honestly,"Luke is a nice guy,okay? I know right now it seems like he's taken over everything, but give him a chance. He's a good person and so are you."

With that said, she gave him a small smile and left the room. He watched where she stood with a thoughtful expression. Surely he and Luke were arguing often, but he didn't really hate him. If anything, he envied the guy who had a close bond with Michael and Ashton, his boyfriend and new best friend.

Calum ran a hand through his hair and went downstairs, seeing Luke on the couch watching some spongebob Christmas special. He didn't say anything, just walking into the kitchen and occasionally glancing at the blonde with a guilty expression.

Later that day, Calum was in the room texting Michael who said he should be there soon. Calum offered to drive him, but Michael said it was fine. Calum was situating the room and making sure it was clean since he figured they would spend a lot of time in there.

Now, his parents were gone with Mali, shopping and ice skating. He and Luke were alone in the house and he was hoping Luke would be gone for a while, however he forgot Luke didn't have friends and basically was stuck in the house with them. It's kind of awkward. Especially after the talk with Mali.

As he cleaned the room, he found some trash and stupid unnecessary things in the room which was mostly Luke's things. He tossed them in Luke's corner, rolling his eyes and fixed up his bed. He laid out his pillows perfectly, placing Michael's present on the bed with a proud grin. But, it was crooked. He groaned, trying to straighten it out and repeatedly moved it, hoping it was okay and it was.

Until Luke walked in the room with his hair damp, sitting on the bed and causing the present to fall off the bed. Calum gasped, glaring at Luke and picked up the present,"You dickhead! I finally got it right!"

"Maybe it should go left," Luke joked, but Calum just narrowed his eyes. He sighed, holding his hands in defense,"Calm down, I know you're mad at me but there's no reason to be fiesty on Christmas."

Calum ignored what he said, hearing the doorbell go off and he shoved Luke off the bed. Calum quickly smoothed the blanket out, placing the present on it and Luke watched in amusement. He's never seen Calum so concerned over a person's opinion. He's whipped.

As Calum went downstairs, he told Luke with a glare,"Stay out of the room, okay? Just stay downstairs and leave us alone for a bit. We're dating and we've barely hung out alone."

"I don't really like the idea of you two being alone," Luke grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Just -- don't do anything. Just cause he's not a virgin doesn't mean you two should be fooling around like that. He's still my best friend and - and I think you should wait to do anything."

A blush coated Calum's cheeks and he exclaimed,"We're not gonna be fucking!"

Someone cleared their throat awkwardly and they both jumped, seeing Michael giving them a timid smile. He was holding up the spare key, probably remembering it was under the mat and Calum chuckled weakly, giving Luke a quick knowing look and took Michael's hand in his. 

He dragged the boy upstairs, Michael stumbling a bit on the way and giving Luke a quick wave. Luke rolled his eyes, going into the living room while Calum opened the door to his room. Michael smiled, looking around despite having been in the room a few times. He noticed Luke's futon and then eyes darted to a present on the bed.

Calum quickly went over after locking the door, grabbing the present and handing it to Michael who sheepishly mumbled,"I-I didn't get you a present."

"It's fine, I don't mind. You're my present," Calum said cheesily, kissing Michael's cheek and having Michael sit on his lap as they at on the bed.

Still, Michael felt bad and frowned a bit. But, he opened the present while Calum watched with eager eyes. Michael's breath hitched as he pulled out two tickets to Ariana Grande's Honeymoon tour at Madison Square Garden along with two plane tickets.

Michael glanced at Calum with wide eyes, then at the tickets and Calum went to speak. Before he could, though, Michael practically tackled him on the bed with a hug, pressing his lips to the taller boy's and mumbled 'thank you' repeatedly in between kisses, grinning like an idiot.

Calum chuckled in amusement, seeing Michael pull away but then Calum pulled him back down and kissed him deeply. Michael squeaked slightly, but hesitantly kissed back. Calum blindly took the tickets from Michael's hand, placing them on the bedside table as continued kissing the green-haired boy.

Suddenly, Calum sat up a bit, lips never leaving Michael's as he rolled them over so he was on top. Michael nervously wrapped his arms around Calum's neck as the taller boy placed hot, open mouth kisses on Michael's lips. Michael's heart was pounding, not use to it but he liked it. Maybe more than he should.

Because, as they continued making out, he could feel himself growing hard much to his humiliation and he let out a small whine as Calum's lips left his, causing Calum to smirk and Michael to blush. Calum just shushed him softly, kissing down his neck and suck a small love bite there. 

As he let his hands roam Michael's body, it was all new and there wasn't any breasts and his body wasn't curvy. But, he liked it and Calum brought his lips to the shorter boy's once more, body against his and his groin rubbed against Michael's, causing a quiet moan to unwillingly leave Michael's lips.

The noise caught them both off guard, Michael blushing fiercely as he pulled away from Calum. Calum's eyes darted to the bump in Michael's jeans where he was hard. Seeing this, Michael quickly sat up and pressed his knees to his chest, embarrassed as he mumbled,"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Hey, hey," Calum chuckled softly, placing his hands on Michael's shoulder and moved his head down a bit so he could look into Michael's watery green eyes. He was surprised by the tears, frowning and said in confusion,"Don't cry, sweetheart. It's fine. i mean, it's not bad at all. It just - it means I turned you on. I think that's a compliment."

Michael wiped his eyes quickly and whispered,"I-I've never really...that d-doesn't happen to me."

"You don't get turned on? C'mon, I doubt that's true, kitten," Calum teased slightly, smirking a bit as Michael shyly looked down. 

At first Michael shrugged, but then he admitted sheepishly,"Um, I-I had a dream that we were...doing things. A-And you were touching me and you were taking off my clothes. B-But, then I woke up and yeah. That was it."

Calum gulped slowly, feeling his jeans tighten more as he took in what Michael said. He never thought he could think of Michael as sexy, cause he's just so cute. But, then he thought about Michael naked, under him and moaning as Calum touched him.

Holy shit, he's thinking about sex on Christmas. That's just wrong. Calum shook his thoughts away, glancing at Michael who still was hard. He could offer to get rid of it for him, but he's never sucked anyone off before and it seemed to early in the relationship to be doing that.

So, he smirked and started tickling Michael who bursted out laughing by surprise. Surely it seemed like that would make them more hard, but they were laughing too much to think about the fact that Calum was on top of him. Michael was practically dying of laughter, face red and trying to push Calum off of him weakly.

But the problem was this. As his fingers pinched Michael's sides lightly, he couldn't help but once again feel the thin body beneath him. It was worrying him and he wanted to say or do something, but he was scared to face reality.

And so, Calum didn't. He pushed the facts away that Michael was still small, held back the tears of worry for his boyfriend and smiled. Because, Michael was laughing and giggling and seemed so happy whenever they were together. Which, Michael was happy. But, only with Calum and his friends. Never with himself.

When they were done being goofballs, It worked and well, he wasn't turned on anymore and neither was Calum. Instead of being alone in the room anymore, Michael and Calum joined Luke downstairs who seemed lonely. Michael grabbed Calum's arm, shushing him silently and pointed to Luke with a knowing expression who was laying on the couch.

Suddenly, the two flipped over the couch and ontop of Luke, who let out a groan of pain. And that's how they spent their Christmas. Surely Luke missed Ashton and he wasn't with them, but they did Skype quickly for maybe five minutes later that day and that's how the misfits spent their holidays;

Getting hard, admitting to having dirty dreams, being called hot by your new sister, screaming over Ariana Grande tickets, making out in the back of a car by a grave where your ex's dead body was buried and having tickle fights.


	29. Chapter 29

A week with Calum and Luke alone, spending time together isn't fun. Seeing as Ashton was gone all break and Michael could only come by so often, it was hell. Calum was getting on Luke's nerves and vice verse. Both nearly killed one another in their sleep, cause it was that bad.

You would think they would be getting along, not fighting more. But, it's gotten to the point where they couldn't stand each other and needed time away. Sadly, Luke doesn't have friends aside from Ashton (boyfriend) and Michael while Calum lost all of his, so they had no where to go.

Sometimes Mali and Calum would go on and Luke would just stay home, playing video games only for Calum to snap at him since it was 'his game'. Which was true, but Luke had nothing and yeah, he got a car, but he didn't have a laptop, TV, x-box -- he was told to use Calum's. 

He could see why Calum would be upset over that, since it is his game and he should be allowed to say who can and cannot use it. However, his parents are the ones who bought it. Luke felt bad, just sitting on bed and texting Ashton on his new iPhone that he already hated a lot.

Thankfully, the break was over and Luke wasn't able to see Ashton until school. Apparently his parents have gotten a lot more strict and therefor, he wasn't able to do see Ashton and Ashton wasn't allowed to come over anymore. Much to everyone's relief, he was still able to attend club meetings.

It hurt to know Luke and Ashton weren't allowed to be seeing each other and this could change a lot. He still was flustered and shy about the fact that he told Ashton he loves him. It was a true statement that he doesn't regret saying and he knew in that moment it was the right time and place. Despite them only having dated a month, love has no time limit.

It was not love at first sight. Or maybe it was, but the feelings gradually started growing and developing as they got to know one another and Ashton was definitely the guy for Luke. He was perfect in every way and he made Luke feel so happy and loved -- he wanted to make Ashton feel the same.

Sadly, Ashton didn't return the words. Luke laid in bed on Monday morning, hearing Calum rustling through his closet as he thought back to what Ashton said. How his sincere hazel eyes shimmered and remembered the sad smile upon his lips right before kissing Luke;

"I can't say it, Luke. I want to, though. I feel it and I know I feel the same. But, it just doesn't sound right for me to say it now. The words won't leave and I don't think they will quite yet. Not now, when I'm leaving for a week. I want to say it when i'm ready and make sure it's not an 'in the moment' type thing. But, just know I feel the same. I promise, I do."

His words were sweet like honey and gentle, as if afraid he said something wrong. When, in all honesty, Luke appreciated him telling the truth. He'd rather Ashton say it and meant it than to feel obligated to tell him he loves him. Even though, in a way he did say it. 

Suddenly a door slammed, Luke jumping up and rolling his eyes when seeing Calum left the room. He ignored the boy's angered action, just going and grabbing his bag and keys. He texted Ashton, saying he's on his way to pick him up in his car, cause well, he has a car now and that's fucking awesome.

On his way downstairs, he was stopped by a hand on his arm and turned only to face a blank looking Mali. Their sibling relationship was the definition of awkward. Luke avoided her a lot because she was intimidating and always stared him down till he was shaking and running out of a room. Kind of lame, but Luke didn't care.

Before he could do or say anything, she was whispering hastily in case someone heard,"Listen, I'm leaving today and before I go, we need to sort something out. I hate Calum more than anything, cause he's annoying and my brother who loves to put baking powder in my underwear drawer."

"Baking powder?" Luke asked incredulously.

"Yeah, tell me about it." She snorted, shaking her head a bit,"Anyways, despite all of that, I do love him somehow and somewhere deep inside. So, when I saw how upset he was over the car situation, I couldn't handle it. He's sad and I talked to him about you. He acts mad but he's upset and I need you to please do something to make him happy and talk to him or something. Please? He's my baby brother, fix this."

With that said, she hesitated before giving Luke a quick hug and patting his head. As if he's a dog. He just nodded and slowly headed downstairs. His phone beeped and he saw Ashton texting if he's here yet. Luke replied, saying give himn a few and noticed Calum eating breakfast with bags under his eyes and yawning a bit while sipping coffee.

He thought over what Mali said, glancing at the keys in his hands and chewed his bottom lip slightly. Calum's been annoying and they have fought alone, but maybe Luke can be the bigger person and step up to make things okay. Besides, Calum has been nice towards Michael and that was enough to make Luke accept him more.

If he's going to be a part of this family, he needs all of their approval. He has the parents, most definitely, and if he fixes this with Calum, he'll have Mali's and hopefully the boy himself's approval. Killing two birds with one stone would solve a lot of problems and fix he weight on his shoulders that are holding him down.

Calum looked up at him, swallowing his cereal and rolled his eyes. He placed his dishes in the sink, wiping his mouth and tossing a piece of gum in from the drawer. He shoved passed Luke, who stumbled and sighed sadly. He watched Calum walk out and reluctantly followed him.

When Calum went to get in his car outside, Luke grabbed his shoulder and stopped him. He hesitated and handed Calum his keys slowly, forcing himself to drop them in Calum's hand. The boy looked at him with furrowed eyebrows and a confused expression on his face.

Luke told him honestly,"I don't want to keep fighting anymore. They're not my parents, Calum. They never will be. But, they care about me and I am really grateful for it. I don't like that they seem to care about me more than you. Just know, they love you a lot more. And, you deserve the car. So, we can switch, if you want to. I don't mind. Just having a car is amazing, it doesn't matter which it is."

"I - I... I don't even know what to say," Calum breathed out in awe, shakily taking the keys from Luke's hand and glanced at the two cars with a nervous expression. He shook his head slowly, giving them back and said with a timid smile,"No, you take it. You deserve it More than I do."

A look of disbelief crossed Luke's face and he raised an eyebrow,"Me? No, Calum. Take it, I really don't mind. Like I said, just the fact that I got a car is amazing enough."

"You lost your parents, Luke. You moved into a whole new house, got an asshole for a brother and you have a lot going on. Way more than I do. I was being immature, I - I was jealous and you were actually nice to me, so here," Calum handed him the keys, practically shoving Luke towards the car.

Luke halted, turning to him and pouted,"Dammit, Calum! I was so ready to lose the car. I thought you wanted it? This was gonna be our truce! You ruined it, fuck you."

"Just the fact that you actually were gonna give me this beautiful car proves that you love me, so oh well." Calum smirked, getting in his uglier car and shut the door, glancing at Luke as he rolled down the window and he shouted while pulling out of the driveway,"Peace out, bro! See ya at school!"

Luke snickered quietly, getting in his own car and smiled as he headed towards Ashton's place. Honestly, he's glad Calum let him keep the car. It was really nice and smelled so new. Not like Calum's pizza smelling car, but that could be because the guy isn't the best at cleaning it.

Now that him and Calum are better, he was happy. Things were finally falling into place. However, something just wasn't settling well with Luke. This part of his heart hurting still, the longing feeling of sadness wasn't going away. He didn't know why, it was as if he wasn't completely okay even though everything was fine.

But, when pulling into Ashton's driveway, Luke flinched. His mind reeling with memories of his dad's angry face whenever he stayed at Ashton's. How he would treat him like a dog, not give him a 'snack' or food as some say. His mum smoking weed in the back room and never talking to him.

The smacking, the punching, the yelling and screaming -- A loud bang was heard, Luke letting out a scream and breathing deeply as Ashton appeared in front of the window. He gulped slowly, unlocking the door and Ashton rushed in the passenger seat with a worried expression.

Ashton took Luke's paled face in his cold hands, asking softly,"What's wrong, love? You look terrified. Did I scare you that much? I know it wasn't me, babe. What happened?"

"N-Nothing, I'm fine," Luke assured, giving Ashton a quick kiss on the lips.

A glare formed on Ashton's face,"No, don't say that. The repeated lie is something I always say. I know you don't mean it." He softened his features, entwining his fingers with Luke's,"Please, talk to me. I'm your boyfriend, we're honesty with each other. Always."

"Yet you never told me you relapsed," Luke grumbled, instantly regretting it when a pained expression formed on the boy's face. He quickly kissed Ashton, mumbling,"I'm sorry, bug. I didn't mean it. I-I'm just not in a good mood, school sucks, you know? And...I missed you a lot."

That definitely distracted Ashton, the boy blushing and pressing his lips to Luke's. It wasn't like Luke lied, because he did miss Ashton. Seeing as he was use to being around the boy every single day, the fact that they spent a week apart really was hard to get use to.

Luckily, Ashton didn't seem to notice he changed the subject. They basically made out in front of Ashton's house, Luke licking into Ashton's mouth and letting his tongue brush over the roof his mouth, Ashton being a whimpering and moaning mess as he pulled Luke closer, gripping his jacket.

A ringing was heard and they jumped apart, Ashton seeing it was just his alarm from when he was on break. He sheepishly looked at Luke, he timidly smiled and they headed to school with their hands entwied, Luke relieved that the subject was dropped. Cause, he's okay. Really, he is.

Meanwhile, Michael was waiting at his locker with his books and wishing one of the boys was at school. He felt his stomach growl, wrapping an arm around his torso and ignored it. He's been doing great at not eating and is proud of himself. Even if he shouldn't be.

Usually he can avoid his stomach growling by eating hard candies or drinking a lot of water. It helps, since it makes your stomach assume you're eating. He learns a lot from TV and the internet. Probably more than he should, but he has to do this or else he'll never look good enough.

Michael wore a baggy hoodie to hide his fat body and black skinny jeans. Black is slimming and he knew it was Calum's favorite color, so that was helpful. He couldn't wait to see his boyfriend. It's been a few days and he was kind of clingy, so being away that long was torture.

He couldn't be more thankful for the concert tickets. It's not for a few months, sadly. But, he was excited. He and Calum were going to New York by themselves for two days and seeing his beautiful idol that made him smile when he's sad. Before Calum, only Ariana and Luke were able to make him forget his insecurities. Despite Ariana being a celebrity, he couldn't help but feel like she did care about him. Like a lot of singers, they care about their fans.

The thought of staying alone with Calum for more than a few hours frightened him, though. Because, he'll see Michael in the morning and they'll be staying the night together. No one will be with them, it'll just be them and that's it. The two together, not Luke or parents. He just hoped he doesn't do anything stupid.

When the bell rang, Michael frowned and saw Calum wasn't at his locker. He sighed, turning down the hall and once again, there was Calum with Maya. Jealousy filled Michael, seeing Maya make Calum laugh and he pouted. Cause, he's suppose to make Calum laugh.

Seeing as there was no one in the hall aside from them, Michael hesitantly walked over and paused before tapping Calum's shoulder. Maya glanced at him, smirking a bit and Michael felt intimidated. But, Calum turned and much to Michael's surprise, grinned and kissed Michael right in front of Maya.

Michael panicked, tugging away slightly and whispered,"B-But, she saw?"

"Oh, it's fine, kitten. She knows about us," Calum chuckled, kissing Michael once more and wrapped an arm around his waist. He blushed before telling Maya proudly,"So, you finally get to meet my boyfriend properly. Michael, this is my best friend, Maya. Maya, this is my beautiful boyfriend, Michael."

A shy smile formed on Michael's face, not use to talking in front of people. He said nothing, just shaking her head much to the girl's confusion. But, the warning bell rang once more, meaning there was only two minutes left to get to class and so Michael waved goodbye sheepishly.

When he was gone, Maya looked at Calum with a confused expression. He just mumbled a quick 'bye' since he felt like he wasn't in the right place to speak about Michael's anxiety and being selectively mute. He could trust her, but it was wrong and he felt like Michael wouldn't enjoy being talked about.

So, Calum rubbed his eyes sleepily and went on his way to class. However, his vision was slightly blurry and Calum gripped onto the wall to steady himself. He blinked a few times, feeling the hall spin and shook his head slightly. No one was in the hall, already in class and he tried calming himself.

After a minute or so, Calum thought he was fine. It was okay, he just lost more sleep than usual. Before, he could make it with three hours. But, since he was anxious for school, he only got two last night. When feeling better, Calum took a breath and went to class. As if nothing happened. If only he knew today would just get worse.

-

His mind was constantly running, Luke was stressed as he stared at the 'F' on the paper in his hands. He slouched in his seat, frowning and running a hand through his blonde hair. So far, school sucked this semester and he wasn't having a good day considering he's already received his exam from before break and failed it.

He was in the S.O.S club classroom on his own, waiting for the others to join and frowning. At the moment, Luke was basically begging for some type or release from his stress. But, he knew what he wanted to do wasn't okay and Ashton would be disappointed in him.

It seemed like Calum wasn't having the best day either, considering he walked into the S.O.S club with a glare on his face angered face, roughly throwing his bookbag across the room, causing it to slam against the wall. Luke flinched, looking at him with a surprised expression. 

Before he could speak, Calum's dark eyes met his and Luke panicked as Calum snatched him up by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. Memories flashed, his dad doing the same only months ago and his face paled in fear. Calum's done this before, but never with so much anger.

When he went to say something, Calum was shouting with narrowed eyes,"Who the fuck did you tell, Hemmings? Tell me ! Why would you do that? You know I wasn't ready! I'm not ready for people to know, yet you opened your damn mouth and now someone knows!"

"W-What? Calum, please calm down," Luke pleaded, the yelling making his body tremble and heart pound in his chest.

As Calum went to hit him, there was a gasp and Luke felt relieved when seeing Ashton and Michael walking in the room slowly. Michael's eyes widened, seeing Calum's angry face and looking at him with a feared expression. Calum ignored him, turning his attention back to Luke.

Luke gulped slowly, stuck between a wall and Calum as he spoke in a whisper,"P-Please, Calum. Just talk to me, okay? What's going on?"

"Stop acting stupid! You told someone! Ashton couldn't have, he was out of town! Michael wouldn't, he barely fucking talks to anyone! It was you, I know it was!" Calum sneered, tears prickling his eyes as he tightened his grip on Luke's shirt, teeth gritting and Luke wasn't even scared anymore.

Suddenly a hand was placed shakily on his shoulder, Calum tensing. He turned, seeing Michael giving him pleading eyes and Calum felt guilty at the hidden, scared look in his boyfriend's eyes. He slowly let go of Luke, reluctantly freeing him and Luke quickly rushed over to Ashton, who whispered something to him.

Michael frowned at Calum, flinching when Calum went to touch him. A hurt expression formed on his face as he spoke softly, seeing Michael scoot from him a bit,"I-I'm sorry, okay? Please don't be scared of me. I wouldn't...I would never hurt you, kitten. Don't even think I will."

"W-Why so angry? Y-You almost hurt Lukey," Michael's voice was confused and sad, glancing at his blonde friend who was cuddled with Ashton and talking to him. 

Never has Michael been afraid of Calum. He has been of Ashton, but it was more like he was afraid of Ashton stealing Luke from him. And now, he couldn't look at Calum without seeing the angered monster who nearly hurt his best friend. It wasn't the best sight ever.

Calum hesitated, holding his hand for Michael and the boy slowly let his sleeve covered hand be held by his boyfriend. Calum sat down, pulling Michael onto his lap. He cleared his throat, causing the other two to look up. Ashton didn't seem very happy and Calum didn't blame him.

Not only does his new friend basically hate him for hurting his boyfriend, but he basically went ballistic and scared his boyfriend. Surely he could have handled the situation better, but he was angry and tired and cranky. He even insulted Michael in a way, saying he doesn't speak and it was with a rude tone. Not really his best moment ever.

Calum chewed his bottom lip nervously, admitting as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist,"S-Someone found out I was gay. And...dating Michael."

A silence fell, no one knowing what to say. For them, it wasn't that big of a deal considering they're all out of the closet and open about it (except Michael, since he's with Calum). But, they couldn't be mad at him for being scared and panicking. Someone found out and Calum obviously wasn't ready.

Michael turned to Calum and grinned a bit, kissing Calum quickly,"S-So, we can be out? P-Please?"

"Babe, I don't - I don't want to." A frown formed on Michael's lips and Calum held him tighter as he explained with guilt,"I'm not ready. I know it's been about two months, but please be patient with me. The girl, she just found out and I expected Luke told someone. I don't see how anyone else could."

Ashton shrugged, assuring,"I didn't tell anyone."

Michael nodded, as if saying me either. They turned to Luke, who held his hands in defense,"Me either, I swear. I don't even talk to anyone. Except Mitch. But, I haven't told him about you guys. At least, not the club or dating part."

Everyone became confused, trying to figure out who would tell. Maya promised she wouldn't and Calum trusts her. She was there for him and it would be embarrassing to admit your ex-boyfriend 'turned gay', so she's out of the question. No one else knew, so everyone didn't know who it could be.

Suddenly, a knock was heard and they all looked up. Calum's breath hitched, recognizing the girl instantly as she smirked at him. She held up a flyer, a glint in her hazel eyes. The boys raised an eyebrow, wondering why she was here but Calum just felt his blood go cold.

The girl grinned smugly,"I'm here to join the S.O.S club."

"No! Get out!" Calum narrowed his eyes, quickly pushing Michael off of him and Michael huffed, moving to his usual chair in annoyance. Calum felt bad for being so rough with him, but just scowled at the girl and exclaimed,"I said out, now! The club is closed, no one is allowed to join anymore."

She shrugged, glancing at her nails and sighed fakely,"Oh well, guess everyone will be interested to hear that their king of the school is gay and fucking the mute loner. Should be pretty juicy gossip, am I right?"

"Wait," Luke's breath hitched, recognizing her and asked in confusion,"Samantha?"

"Who's Samantha?" Ashton asked in confusion.

The girl groaned, raising her hand,"Um. Me? Didn't you hear your boyfriend, nerd? God, I swear some people are so stupid."

"She's friends with Mitch," Luke whispered to Ashton, nervously chewing his bottom lip.

Or, should he say 'friends'. Mitch hates her, he only hangs with the group for the same reason as Luke did. Maybe he should have listened to Mitch when the guy said to be careful around her. Because, even then, Mitch preferred the others over her. And, now Luke knew why.

The girl was devious and surely she was going to find out a lot of details on the boys lives. If they let her in the club, then she can use some information against them. But, if they don't then she can tell the principal about how they lied about what the club is. Then, it'll be shut down and things can change, not for the better.

Surely, they could just find another place to have their club, but it's not the same and she'll still end up telling the school about Calum being gay. Luke could see Calum wasn't ready and so he reluctantly nodded, standing up and Ashton gaped at his boyfriend in disbelief.

"Luke, she'll hear certain things that are meant to be a secret between us four," Ashton mumbled, taking Luke's hand in his hand motioned to his arm where his scars were hidden by a sleeve and the 'Luke' bracelet. He pleaded, voice desperate,"You can't let her join, everything will go wrong. You'll regret it, love."

"We have to, bug. I'm sorry, okay?" Luke let go of his hand, reluctantly going with her and leaving the boy's so he can get her a permission slip.

As they went to the office, he roughly shoved his hands in his pocket. He knew the boys were mad at him, but he's just trying to do the right thing. It's either let the bitch join and threaten them every so often, or have Calum's sexuality out and the club shut down. He thought the first was more easy to handle.

Obviously, the others didn't agree and Samantha just grinned as she followed him to where the front desk was. He fakely smiled at the lady, asking for a permission slip and she printed one out. He glanced at Samantha, seeing her leaning against the wall and staring at him.

He rolled his eyes, knowing this bitch was about to ruin his life. He had that feeling in the pit of his stomach and he didn't like it at all. Luke thanked the lady, taking the paper and made sure him and Samantha were out of sight as he roughly shoved it to her.

As he went to walk off, Samantha grabbed his arm and said sweetly,"Aw, is someone stressed? You know, you look like you could use a little relaxation. I think Mitch and the guys are outside with some joints. I could always go with you, you know? Your friends wouldn't mind."

"I'm not getting high again," He retorted, trying to rip his arm from her grip and avoid her smirking face. He couldn't give in, Ashton would be so pissed off.

But, her eyes were shimmering and she whispered,"Don't act like this, don't let him control you. It's only a little weed, it won't hurt you. Don't act so whipped, babe."

And that's how Luke found himself outside, leaning against the wall on the ground with a joint in his hand. He laughed as Mitch wrapped an arm around his shoulder, passing the blunt to him and watched as he took a hit of it. He leaned his head back on the brick wall.

It was wrong, but felt so right. His body was limp slightly, smiling like an idiot with bloodshot eyes and hearing the guys chat about who-knows-what. Samantha told him how she overheard Calum introducing Michael as his boyfriend that morning and that none of the boys told her.

He nearly laughed, cause Calum was blaming him. Of course, it's always him being blamed. Now he can just snap at Calum for assuming shit. The thought made Luke grin, taking another hit and breathed out the smoke as he sighed in relief, glancing at Samantha who was scooting closer to him.

There was a sound of a door banging open, Luke not aware of Samantha checking to see who it is. He was lost in his own world of everything he loved. Running, Ashton, Spongebob and ice cream -- what could be better? Nothing, that's what. Cause that's his dream world.

However, Samantha was suddenly smirking and gripping Luke's face. She pressed her lips to his, the guys wolf-whistling and laughing as Luke froze under her lips. He was confused, high as fuck and slowly kissed her back. For some reason, he thought she was Ashton with her tan skin and sassy expressions.

But, then a gasp was heard and Luke pulled away in confusion. He saw Michael standing there, gaping at him in horror and Luke's mind was still fuzzy. However, he knew this wasn't good. Luke stumbled up, shoving passed everyone and Michael just rushed into the school.

Luke groaned, struggling to keep up and grabbed his friend's arm. Michael snatched his arm from Luke, glaring at him,"Y-You cheater! W-What are you doing? Why w-were you getting high?"

"Listen, Michael. Mikey. Babe. Sometimes, there comes a time in life where people...do things. And the things aren't good but you know, it helps? And like, I liked it. It make me feel good," Luke chuckled, patting his friend's shoulder while Michael looked at him in disgust. 

Michael shoved Luke's hand off his shoulder and he looked disappointed as he said,"A-Ashton deserves better."

"No, no, no," Luke gasped, seeing Michael going towards the class. "You can't tell Ashton! Michael, stop!"

As Michael tried ripping from Luke's grip on his shoulder, Luke went into a panic mode and shoved Michael towards the lockers. Michael slammed against them, wincing as he felt to the ground. He was so light and fragile. Luke clearly forgot and his jaw dropped as Michael let out a pained sound.

He's never hurt Michael. Luke prevents that and now Michael was rubbing his sore arm, shakily standing with a hurt look in his eyes. One day, Luke dropped him -- more like didn't catch him from falling. Now, Luke was shoving him and hurting his arm. All because of his stupid, high self.

Luke said with such a regretful voice,"Oh, god. M-Mikey, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. Please, I-I just. Let me get you some ice, your wrist looks a little sw-"

"Don't touch me!" Michael snapped, glaring at him and Luke stumbled back from the loudness in his voice. The empty halls made it seem a million times louder and he felt his heart drop.

But, what hurt the most was he didn't stutter.

The two friends stared at one another, Michael's eyes prickling with tears as he held his hurt wrist and Luke filled with guilt as he saw Michael holding it to his chest. Almost like he was trying to curl in on himself and get away from Luke the best he could. As if he was scared of Luke.

Michael turned, going towards the classroom where Ashton and Calum were pacing, trying to contact Luke. They looked relieved when seeing the two boys walk in. But, Calum inhaled sharply, seeing Michael holding his wrist and he rushed over to his boyfriend with a concerned expression.

"Oh baby, what happened? Does it hurt?" Calum asked frantically, moving his jacket sleeve up but Michael smacked his hand away. He couldn't see how fat his wrist was. When honestly, his wrist is small but he couldn't see that.

Luke looked over, Ashton hugging him and asking him where he was. He waited for Michael's response. And while doing so, Ashton was confused and suspicious. The distinct smell of weed and perfume was on his boyfriend and he felt his heart broke slightly, hoping he was just overreacting.

Michael saw Calum staring at him, waiting for a response as he looked at Michael's wrist. The right thing to do is to tell the truth. But, Luke is his friend. Even if Luke did hurt him, it was an accident and Michael wasn't sure what to do. Ashton didn't deserve to be cheated. But, somehow he found himself say.

"I-I just fell. I'm fine."

Luke look relieved, visibly relaxed and Ashton raised an eyebrow at him. He put a fake smile on his face, kissing him quickly and Ashton's heart cracked when tasting lipgloss. He tried pushing the thoughts away, assuming he imagined things and maybe Luke just used some chapstick.

For the rest of the club meeting, Samantha was gone, Calum was holding ice on Michael's wrist that he got from the nurse and Ashton was faking a smile, hoping he was imagining things. While Luke felt like he just caused an eruption of problems.

Just when things got better, they turned for the worst. That night, Calum and Luke ignored each other and it's sad, since they were starting to become brothers. Ashton cut his waist, hoping Luke won't check there and Michael stared at his hurt wrist as he laid in bed, all wishing things would be better.


	30. Chapter 30

The taste of lip gloss on Luke's lips was frustrating Ashton. He couldn't stop thinking about it. How he smelled of perfume and weed, the mixture not pleasing Ashton at all. He didn't want to believe what he smelled and tasted, but it was there and it was making him nervous.

Ashton was literally placing his room and shaking with the razor in his hands. He had some bleed leaking from his cuts he recently made and sniffling quietly. He felt so stupid. Maybe he's just overreacting. Surely Luke wouldn't cheat on him or be dating someone else.

He told Ashton he loves him and if you love a person, you won't cheat on them. With that in mind, he tried calming down but he kept feeling like he was just getting his hopes up. His mind was racing and his chest was heaving. All day he was panicking and scared of what might happen.

He knew deep inside it was going to be a bad day and it was. He got a 'B-' in English, a 'B+' on his math exam and Calum went crazy on Luke, some new chick joined the club and Today was just horrible. He couldn't understand why or how, but he knew it would be bad and it was.

It was now the next day and during school, they didn't have a club meeting and Luke was basically ignoring him. He felt like he did something wrong like always. He hasn't been that great of a boyfriend. He did try talking to Luke that one time he nearly had a heartache from Ashton knowing at the window, but the blonde just laughed it off and kissed the hell out of him.

He knew something was going on with his boyfriend and it's scaring him. Has he been doing drugs again? Cause, they need to talk about it but he doesn't want to force Luke to talk about something. Ashton himself hates speaking when he's not in the mood to discuss something.

He shakily grabbed a towel from his bathroom, letting the water from the sink run over his cuts and winced at the sting it gave. He took a breath, enjoying the small pain and smiled a bit. Not a real smile, more like a 'I hate myself so much, why am I even here?' smile. Which was creepy as fuck.

Once done, Ashton hesitantly pressed the towel to his cuts and leaned against the door with his eyes clenched shut. He wanted to badly to just press harder, open the more and led the blood trickle down more. But, he knew he couldn't. He need to make it through this. It's a stupid relapse that shouldn't have happened, but sadly, it did.

Two weeks clean and this happens.

He clenched his jaw, gulping slowly and once done, he grabbed some ointment and placed it on to prevent scaring and heal faster. The faster they heal, the faster he can quickly do it again. With that in mind, he bandaged them back up and tugged down his hoodie's sleeve.

He wiped his face with cold water, glancing at the necklace around his neck. It's the one Michael got him, with the butterfly symbolizing the butterfly project. Michael was so sweet, maybe he should try being friends with the went back in his room, seeing Luke texted him and smiled weakly.

[From: My babe <3]

Hey lovebug :p I wanted to see if I could come by today? I need to tell you something.

Just like that, Ashton's heart dropped to his stomach. He didn't know what to make of this. Surely, Luke called him lovebug and that was definitely a good sign. But, he wanted to tell Ashton something. That scared him a lot. He knew that never meant anything good.

He hesitated, texted a 'once sec' and slowly went downstairs. At first, he wanted to lie to Luke and say no he couldn't, but it's better to hear whatever he said now rather than later. Except, he could tell his parents weren't in a good mood by their expressions as he entered the kitchen.

Ashton halted, noticing the papers laid out on the counter. Harry and Lauren were at the kitchen table, doing their homework and Ashton nervously walked over to where his dad slammed his hand over a paper on the table that really made Ashton cringe.

It was his test grades. They must have printed them from online. Ashton fidgeted with his fingers, seeing they also printed his from last semester, before and as he just joined the S.O.S club. He could see their was a difference. He had straight A's and now he has a few B's scattered around. They did drop.

Ashton pleaded quietly,"Dad, Mum -- I promise, I'm trying! I-I just. I can't handle it. It's making my anxiety act up! It's too much! I -- I need more time and more fun. I can bring them up if you weren't shoving knowledge down my throat and making me learn. I need to do it on my own."

"Oh quite with the 'anxiety act', Ashton," His mum snapped, narrowing her eyes at him. 

A look of pain crossed his face, not able to believe she just called it an act. He has anxiety attacks almost every single day. He went to the doctors. He was prescribed medication. How could she call it all an act? There's no way in the world he would fake something like this.

Ashton glanced at his dad, who just shook his head and told him,"Ashton, you need to focus. There's schools out there looking for smart kids like you. With your brains, your creativity and dedication, they will surely want you. But, getting B's isn't going to get you into Melbourne."

And away from you, Ashton wanted to mutter at them. But, he glanced at his sister and brother wondering if this was the right choice. In that moment, he didn't care and quickly rolled up his sleeve and tore off the bandage causing his parents' breath to hitch as they saw the cuts on his skin.

Ashton shouted,"It's not an act, okay?! I'm trying to get better and I-I haven't been trying cause of you, but because I have a boyfriend who cares more about me than either of you! I didn't even want you guys to find out, but now I don't care! I just wnat to be happy and you guys aren't helping with that! So, I'll try to get into university and not because you want me to, but because I want to get out of here as fast as possible."

"Would you quit being a crybaby? This is not how we raised you. You need to let this sick habit out of your system. I will not have a son going into University just to hurt himself. Now, go to your room right now," His mum snapped, slamming down her cup and narrowed her eyes at him. 

A silence fell, Ashton gulping slowly as he tried calming his breathing. He could feel his anxiety acting up when seeing Lauren, his little sister with silent tears falling down her face as she stared at his arm. Harry seemed slightly confused but also upset, nervously looking between their parents and Ashton.

Ashton didn't spare a glance as he rushed upstairs, arms begging to be cut. He itched for the blade and willed himself not to do so. He couldn't, though. He just did it and Ashton knew doing it twice was just going to make him even more addicted and reliable on it, if possible.

His body trembled with small sobs, falling to his bed and ignored his blaring phone. He could hear his brother and sister knocking on the door, asking him to open up. But, he couldn't. He hated himself so much. Now his parents knew he was still doing it, he regretted it all instantly. He shouldn't have shown them, it was worse than them finding out on their own.

Ashton buried his face in his pillow, screaming into it with only muffles heard. All he wanted to do was be the perfect son and only they got was a depressed, self-hating, gay guy who had anxiety and self-harmed. He's a freak and imperfect. That's all he'll ever be.

Meanwhile, Luke and Calum were awkwardly standing inside of a store together. Calum's parents were shopping around the mall for who knows what and they decided to go off on their own instead. Not that they were embarrassed, but honestly, the adults were acting kind of awkward.

So, despite the argument and lunatic Calum scene, they put that passed them and Luke was nervously fiddling with his fingers while they walked around the mall. Luke felt so bad and kept trying to text Michael, but of course he was given the silent treatment, only this time on purpose.

He wanted so badly to tell Ashton about the kiss, but Ashton told him his mum wouldn't let him have friends over. He couldn't text something like that and over the phone didn't seem all that great either. He needed to do it in person and right away. He wasn't going to hold it out and let it get worse.

Too much has happened between them to let one little kiss ruin everything. He's seen people get broken up with for not telling their partner they cheated. And, it was one kiss that wasn't even long, maybe two seconds or three. And, he was high and she kind of looked like Ashton and he pushed her away when his mind set in right.

All the excuses seemed lame but it was true. He loves Ashton and he didn't want this to ruin anything. He knew Ashton would be mad, but he needs to tell him as soon as possible and when they're alone. Which is why he wanted to talk to him today, but apparently he'll have to wait till tomorrow.

"Hey, Luke, um, how do you buy lùbe?"

A choking sound left Luke, his head snapping up to see Calum looking at him with a small and embarrassed blush. He was scratching the back of his head awkwardly and motioning to a store similar to the American one called Spencer's. Meaning lots of sexual toys.

Luke looked at him with a raised eyebrow,"Uh...I-I mean, you just buy it? There's flavors and stuff. But, it's just lime buying a cóndom, but it's liquidy."

"O-Okay, do you mind like, coming in with me?" Calum gave him a pleading look, glancing at his hands and Luke's never been asked to buy lubrícant with a friend, but hey, trying something new seems interesting.

So, he nodded slowly and followed Calum into the store where they were looked at curiously. Luke felt like running out and leaving him there, but Calum grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the back where the sexual items were placed and noticed the lubrícant placed on the side.

Calum glanced at Luke questioning and Luke just chuckled, following him over and made sure no one was looking as he grabbed one. There were a lot of flavors, much to Calum's surprise. He nervously grabbed one, grimacing at the price and kept sparing glances at the door in case someone he knew came in.

After a few minutes of looking through some, he whined,"I don't understand, which one is better?"

"I dunno, man." Luke groaned, picking up another and told him without thinking,"I just got regular when Michael and I did it."

An tension was felt, Calum gritted his teeth as Luke quickly rushed out,"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up! Listen, just get regular and grab some cóndoms so we can leave. I feel awkward in here."

Calum rolled his eyes, but glanced over and breath hitched as he saw a kid from school looking at lingerie. He quickly snatched up a few bottles and asked,"Do you think Michael would want 'Good Head Tingle Drops' or...'Sweet Licks Red Velvet Cupcake'?"

"Are you really asking me to help with pleasuring my best friend during sex?" Luke asked in disbelief, but Calum pouted. So, he reluctantly grabbed them and shrugged,"Well, the cupcake one says 'Things are about to heat up when you use the Sweet Licks Red Velvet Cupcake Lube. This great tasting lubricant warms to the touch. So, rub it on, heat it up and lick it off!' And that sounds fucking awesome, so."

A grimace formed on Calum's face,"Lick it off? Wha...? Do they mean like, with my tongue? Where the fuck does this shit go? I'm so confused! Does that mean blowjob? I thought these were for when you...put it in! To make it less painful, you know? Not licking it off his díck!"

"Calum, shush!" Luke whispered hastily, seeing people staring. He rubbed a hand over his face in frustration,"You use it when you prep him, but if you guys do some...foreplay then it can make it more tasty, I guess. Cause, sucking díck isn't always amazing."

"Did you suck him off?" Calum grumbled under his breath, roughly snatching the bottles from Luke. 

Luke frowned, slouching his shoulders slightly when hearing the jealousy in Calum's voice. He hates it when Calum does this. It's not that big of a deal. It was before they met, how many times must he remind him? It seems like no matter what, Calum's never going to get over it.

Suddenly, there was a voice saying cheekily,"Luke and Calum in a sex shop? Oh wow, nice to see you guys."

Calum frantically grabbed Luke, not thinking twice as he shoved the bottle in Luke's back pocket. It was a small bottle, so it fit and Luke looked at him with wide eyes. But, Calum just grinned and talked to the guy. It was one from the team and Luke didn't even listen in on the conversation as he fakely smiled and nodded as if paying attention.

All he could think about is that there's a bottle in his pants. He wasn't one for stealing, but if he pulled it out then someone might see and accuse him. He was freaking out, especially when Calum and the guy started walking out without even glancing at him.

As he stood there, Calum turned and glanced around before motioning him to follow. At first, Luke said no and Calum just gave him this knowing look that basically said get your ass out here before you look even more suspicious. So, Luke hesitantly did as told.

He casually stuffed his hand in his jacket pocket while trying not to look suspicious. He practically cringed when walking out the doors and mentally sighed in relief as the alarm didn't go off. A grin formed on his lips, waiting for the guy Calum was talking to to leave. 

Once he did, Luke glared and grabbed onto Calum's arm. He dragged him over to the bathrooms, shoving him in and making sure no one was there as he slapped Calum across the face. Calum winced, gaping at him in disbelief while rubbing his sore cheek with a scowl.

Luke grabbed the bottle from his pocket, roughly shoving it to him and exclaimed,"I cannot believe you just made me do that! It was barely eight dollars, you could have bought it! You do know straight people use this too, right? The guy wouldn't have even noticed it was to having fucking sex with your boyfriend! Who, by the way, probably isn't even ready!"

"I just wanna be prepared, okay? I-I don't even know what I'm doing, Luke. I'm so lost here, I wanna do it but he's a guy and I'm just getting use to kissing him. I'm just being cautious and I-I'll give you some money, okay? As like, a thank you for doing it," Calum pleaded, feeling bad as he saw how worried Luke was about getting caught.

The blonde wanted to snap at him, but he noticed Calum was really freaked out. It's obviously he's over thinking everything and psyching himself out. Luke didn't understand why the sudden fear of sex occurred, but he assumed Calum just started getting turned on by Michael or something occurred between them.

He hesitated, not sure if this was a good idea but asked awkwardly,"A-Alright, mate. I'm gonna help you out here. Give you some advice, just in case."

"Thank you so much!" Calum said with a breath of relief.

Luke rolled his eyes, leaning against the wall with Calum and they sat down on the gross floor. As nasty as it was, it was better than being embarrassed and talking about gay sex in the food court. Imagine if someone overheard that. It would be really humiliating.

Luke started off saying,"Okay, like with any gender, you need to...do foreplay and stuff. Get each other turned on and um, you can suck him off or the other way, I don't know how your relationship works. But, when it gets to the actual sex, you need to -- to prep him. I assume you're topping?"

"What? I...I guess, sure." Calum's face flushed a bit, and it's the first time Luke's seen him blushing like that. He's usually more confident,"And how do I prep him? What does that mean?"

"Oh my god, fuck this." Luke stood up, shaking his head,"Google it. I'm done."

A frown formed on Calum's face and he groaned,"Luke, c'mon! It was going so well!"

"Stick your fingers in his ass with some lùbe and stretch him then shove your dingaling in there!" Luke shouted, rushing out of the bathroom only to slam into an old man who seemed very scarred for like.

Tension was felt and Calum's face was bright red. The old man awkwardly walked into the bathroom, seeing Calum on the floor. Calum gave him a sheepish expression, never feeling more humiliated until this moment. He seriously felt like stabbing Luke for leaving.

Instead of being questioned, he began rushing out of the bathroom after Luke. However, as he did so, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned, seeing the old man awkwardly handing him the bottle of the heating lùbe and Calum was mortified, wishing he could die then and there.

-

It was a terrible morning for Michael. He felt ill and could barely move as he laid in bed, feeling faint as he tried sitting up. He hasn't eaten in two days. Usually he's able to do this, his body is use to it. He tries eating everyday, at least a little as in crackers or grapes. 

But, he was trying to be skinnier and felt like that would stop him. However, now he regrets it. He felt like shit, however he was happy that this made him in control. He made himself feel like this, no one else. And as much as he hated feeling that way, he was happy it was himself who did it.

Luckily, he sneaked a little bit of grapes and a cracker, throwing out his breakfast so his aunt thought he ate it and he went through the day like always. He wrist still hurt and he had it bandaged. It wasn't sprained or broken, but it was somewhat sore. He knew this because Calum made him go to the nurse.

Speaking of, Calum was still scaring Michael. Not him in all, but what he did. How he took his anger out on Luke. However, he did notice something. The way Calum would barely stay awake in class, how he had to frequently poke him and wake him up to make him pay attention.

He was still having trouble sleeping, Michael noticed. He thought Calum was okay now, but apparently a lot of people have been having their fair share of secrets. It was terrible to know, but he wasn't mad at Calum. He kept his eating a secret and Calum was allowed to keep his insomnia one as well. Even if it hurt to know.

It was during lunch time now and Michael felt sick to his stomach when the smell of greasy foods filled the air. He saw how Ashton wasn't there and frowned, but then realized he was retaking some test for Math. Probably to boost his grades, as if he really needed to.

He felt bad for Ashton. The poor guy is constantly having to work his ass off when everyone except his own parents can tell he doesn't want. Obviously, Ashton likes school and he loves learning, but it seemed like he started hating it after a while because he was forced to continue and became overwhelmed.

Michael sighed, seeing their usual table was taken over. He chewed his bottom lip slightly, till he saw a hand waving and noticed Maya, Luke and Calum sitting together. Calum motioned him over and Michael hesitated. He didn't want Calum to see him not eating.

But, then he reluctantly made his way to his boyfriend. He shyly glanced at Maya, ignoring Luke and nonchalantly scooted closer to Calum, who grinned at him. They all ate quietly for a while, except Michael. He stared at his food with a distasteful expression and poked the burger with his fork.

No one said anything, either talking or eating themselves and not paying attention to him. He wished they would leave so he could fake eat it and throw it away. He could see Luke looking at him and spared a small glare towards his direction, causing the blonde to frown.

Suddenly, Maya asked hesitantly,"A-Are you not gonna eat Michael?"

Michael choked up slightly, not expecting her to talk to him. He couldn't find the will to speak, his vocal cords not working as he just shrugged a bit. This caused the girl to sighed, giving him a small smile. He figured she thought he just didn't like her and that's also true, honestly. 

She's his boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, of course he doesn't like her. She's had sex with him, took his virginity and kissed him. He's being hypocritical considering he and Luke had sex, but whatever. He's just being honest and not to mention, she just doesn't understand him. No one does.

"So, how did you know Calum and Michael are dating?" Luke asked curiously, taking a spoonful of his apple sauce.

A smirk formed on her face and Michael grinned, glancing towards Calum who looked awkward. Michael pouted, nudging him and gave him a small smile,"T-Tell?"

"Oh, I will definitely tell," Maya laughed, setting her fork down as he sent a wink towards Calum. "It's a funny story, honestly. You know the party we were all at in the beginning of November? Well, Calum here -- when Michael was on his lap-- got hard."

A mortified expression filled Calum's face, Luke bursting out laughing shouting 'I knew it!' repeatedly. Michael blushed, looking towards his boyfriend with a questioningly expression as if asking if it's true. At first, Calum shook his head but he reluctantly nodded.

Michael giggled slightly, covering his mouth with his sleeve-covered hand. He couldn't believe it. He made Calum hard? Before they were even dating? It's funnier since he remembered being mad at Calum and now it's just really hilarious after thinking about it.

"That's not all," Maya countered and made her voice low so no one would overhear, ignoring Calum's pleading expression. The boy groaned, dropping his face in his hands as the others waited eagerly. "When we were having sex --" She gave Michael a sympathetic expression when noticing his uncomfortable expression."-- he screamed Michael's name when he came."

That was it. Luke was dying, barely able to make a sound as he laughed and Michael was basically blushing mad, yet slightly flattered in a strange sense. He was good enough for Calum to say his name when he came? That's surely a compliment and made him chuckle a bit.

He smiled sheepishly at the way Calum looked humiliated. He made sure no one could see, sneaking his hand to link his fingers with Calum's. His boyfriend sighed, smiling weakly and brushed his thumb lightly over Michael's knuckles as a sweet gesture that made Michael shiver a bit.

Despite what was said, lunch soon turned out decently okay. Nothing else extreme happened and Michael just kept grinning. He felt a lot better, especially since no one noticed gis food was still on his tray as they left the cafeteria to go to class afterwards.

The rest of the day was pretty boring. Michael didn't seem to have an exciting life. However, during History, he noticed how Ashton was basically stressed to where he was shaking. He wanted to ask if he was okay, but his voice caught in his throat, Ashton being too far away and he just gave up.

When he texted Ashton, the boy didn't even check his phone. It was as if he didn't feel the vibrations or maybe he just didn't have his. Would his parents take it away again? That seemed expression. But, his parents were crazy and have taken it away once, meaning they could twice.

As the class went by, Michael smiled a bit as he noticed how Ashton was wearing his necklace. It was nice to see Ashton didn't hate him. He really thought a lot about his present for him and seeing him wear the necklace made him smile big, hiding it behind his hands.

The rest of the day flew by and he was strangely excited yet scared to go to the club meeting. He didn't like Samantha. He already figured it out, that Luke did drugs before. He wouldn't have talked like that during his first time, it was like he's done it before and he figured it was with Mitch.

Knowing this, it was sad to see his friend doing something so bad for him. But, he couldn't be a hypocrite like always. It was Luke's addiction and he understood. Just like Ashton cuts for release, Luke smokes. Just like Michael doesn't eat to feel control, so does Luke. And just like Calum was a jerk to make friends, so does Luke.

It wasn't fair to be mad at him when they all do the same, only theirs is considered a 'disorder' of some type while Luke doing weed isn't. It's seen bad to anyone, while people sympathize those who self-harm or having eating disorders yet they all add up and are done for the same reasons -- a reason to escape, a release or a way to be in control.

Aside from Calum's, who was more of a 'I can't escape and so I can't sleep'. In the end, Michael was more mad that Luke kissed Samantha. It wasn't a big kiss, but it's cheating and that's that. Which is why he was happy to see he was the first to show up for the club.

He was usually last and so he waited patiently at the desk, hesitating as he opened his bag and grabbed one of his five water bottles he squeezed in. He didn't want to take a chance on them weighing him and so he gulped down the water, wincing a bit and went on to the next.

But, suddenly a voice said,"I knew it."

Michael jumped, nearly falling off the desk and eyes widened as he saw Ashton standing there with a frown on his face. Ashton went over, lightly shoving Michael away and tsked as he noticed the water bottles in the bag. A pained look appeared in Ashton's eyes.

He held one up, eyeing Michael a bit. The boy shifted awkwardly and muttered,"I-I was thirsty."

"Don't play dumb, Michael. I'm not an idiot." Ashton took a breath, admitting,"Bradley use to drink a lot of water, too. He--He was anorexic and I don't -- I can't let you go just like him, okay? Please, talk to me! Why are you not even trying to get better? I know it takes time, I'm still struggling and I relapse, but you're not even trying. You're lying to us."

"I'm not, I-I'm okay. I was t-thirsty," Michael placed a fake smile on his face, quickly zipping his bag as Luke walked in the room. He whispered to Ashton,"I-I didn't tell him your secret. D-Don't tell him mine. Or Calum."

Not even bothering to argue, Ashton just frowned and headed over to his boyfriend. He saw the blank expression on Luke's face and sat on the blonde's lap. Last nights conversation dissapeared from both their minds and they just sat together, Luke wrapping his arms around Ashton and kissing his neck.

After a few minutes, everyone was in the room along with their new member that Michael and Luke both glared at. She smiled largely, and Luke announced,"Today we're doing something different. We're going to go outside and do a little acitvity instead of asking questions and having a topic."

Everyone was confused, but the boys figured Luke just didn't want to start off with a serious topic with Samantha until they could trust her. As far as Luke and Michael were concerned, they couldn't. Not when she was basically tricking Luke and trying to seduce him.

While Luke (strangely) grabbed some balloons, string and papers, the rest were walking out of the room and waiting. Calum blinked profusely, yawning a bit and gripped onto the wall as he felt a strange dizziness. A hand placed on his shoulder, him jumping and seeing Michael looking concerned.

Before Michael could ask if he's okay, Luke was motioning everyone to follow him. At first, Michael stared at Calum who just smiled at him forcefully. He watched as Calum walked off and Calum halted. He turned, held out his hand pleadingly and Michael reluctantly took his.

They went outside, it being slightly chilly and Luke led them over to where the track was but a safe distance so people at school couldn't see them. Samantha seemed bored, urging him to speak. He rolled his eyes and handed them each balloons and they all began blowing them up.

When Luke was done, he told them,"We're going to do the project that was on Zoey 101, remember? The episode where they wrote down their secret that no one knew and then let them drift off. Don't worry, no one should be able to recognize your handwriting or no it's yours."

"Um, I can't think of one," Ashton admitted, frowning a bit as they all looked at him in disbelief. "Honestly, I don't. You all know my deepest secrets -- except the chick."

"Excuse you!" She exclaimed, rolling her eyes.

Luke pleaded,"Guys, c'mon. No one is going to know. Just write it. We all have red balloons, so it's not like if someone found them then they would know who's secret is who's."

At first, they all seemed frightened but then they nodded slowly. Everyone went to their own little areas by trees after grabbing a pen each and Ashton hesitated before he wrote out with a small blush,'I had a dream that I had sex with Calum' and awkwardly folded it up.

He really never wanted to tell anyone and he hoped no one saw. Meanwhile, Calum leaned against the tree with a confused expression. He tried thinking of one and kept struggling to stay away, yawning before writing out sloppily,'I walked in on my parents having sex and rushed out before they could see' then tied his up.

When he finished, he saw Michael was frowning as he wrote his and seemed guilty while doing so. Calum got nervous from that look, hoping it wasn't anything having to do with him. He shook his head slowly. The papers were hole punched and so he put the string through the whole, tying and waited for the others to show up.

Samantha grinned, shouting,"Let'em loose!"

And that's what they did.

All the balloons slowly went up into the air, the boys were anxiously waiting for them to be out of sight and thus they were all floating away. Honestly, they were all curious as to what they each wrote but knew they wouldn't want others to know what they put down.

The club was over by then and Calum frowned as he watched Ashton and Michael walking together. Not because they were walking, but because he could barely see them. His vision was blurry again, only this time worse. He halted, gripping onto a tree for support as he tried catching his breath.

No one noticed at first, the boy weakly trying to start walking again. But, his body was so weak. he could feel his legs trembling with each step. A voice was heard, but it was hazy and Calum could barely hear what they were saying, only see a blurred face.

And suddenly, everything was black.


	31. Chapter 31

It was like everything went in slow motion. Michael was turning, hearing Luke shouting something at Calum. He didn't think much of it, he just assumed that they were arguing like always. But, as he turned, he inhaled sharply, watching as he boyfriend just collapsed.

A deja vu moment occurred, Michael's eyes filling with tears as he smacked a hand over his mouth. He thought back to when Calum collapsed a few months ago. But, this time as he rushed over, he saw Luke was failing at waking him up. He wasn't waking up. He wasn't and Michael felt his heart pounding in his chest.

Never has this happened before. Yeah, Calum did fall that one time. But, his eyes opened not even a minute later. As time slowly passed, feeling like hours when only seconds, Michael was breathing heavily and he could feel his hands trembling in a panic when seeing how out-cold Calum was.

No, he kept repeating in his mind. He went to help Luke, but felt a hand grab his. Michael's head whipped back, seeing Ashton looking at him with a warning expression. He glanced at their hands, seeing their fingers entwined. Comfort. He felt comforted again, but not by Calum. By a friend.

As much as he loved the sweet gesture, he couldn't handle it. Michael shook his head frantically, mumbling over and over again 'Calum, Calum, Calum' as he knelled down where Luke was lightly smacking the boy's cheek, trying to get a reaction. A small sniffle left Michael's lips, taking Calum's hand in his and his eyes widened.

He noticed how cold it felt and he nudged Luke, motioning him to grab Calum's. When Luke did, he shook is head frantically and exclaimed,"Ashton, call Mr.Hood! We need to get him here, now. I-I think something's seriously wrong. I'm carrying him to the nurse, okay?"

"No!" Michael shouted, smacking Luke's arm.

Luke was taken by surprise at he outburst, tossing Ashton his phone to contact the man. He turned to Michael, saying sternly,"Michael, please. Do you want Calum to die or something?! He's not waking up! We need to get him to the nurse, and no offense, but you're not that strong. He weighs a lot."

"M-My boyfriend, let me," Michael said stubbornly and Luke didn't even get a chance to reply.

Michael tried calming down his shaking, placing an arm under Calum's neck and another under his knees. He stumbled a bit, Luke grabbing onto Michael's shoulder to hold him still. He watched Michael in concern, making sure he was sturdy and was surprised as the boy gripped onto Calum tightly.

Despite trusting Michael, Luke knew the boy wasn't the strongest and so he stayed with him along the way. He could hear Michael sniffling as the boy kept sparing glances at Calum's face, hoping for some type of reaction and only received a blank, closed-eyes look on the guy's face. 

It had Michael's heart dropping, hoping and praying that Calum is okay. Surely his insomnia can't do this. Or can it? Michael's done research about it and from what he's seen, nothing can kill you from insomnia as long as the person got at least three hours of sleep. Calum does, so what's going on? It's scaring him.

When at the nurses office, Luke opened the door for him and Michael's arms were shaking from holding him so much. Calum was heavier than he seemed, but Calum is his love and his boyfriend. So, it was worth it. As Luke told the nurse what happened, Michael laid Calum on the bed.

Instead of listening to what Luke and the nurse were saying, he just pulled a chair next to Calum and took his hand, pressing a kiss to the boy's cheek. He frowned, noticing he was still asleep or whatever he is. Not dead. Definitely not, because Michael laid his head on Calum's chest and could hear his heart beating. 

It was faint, but it was there. Suddenly he could see the nurse walking in and he was confused as she looked over Calum. He wasn't paying much attention and just lightly brushed his stubby finger tips over Calum's arm, smiling weakly at the goosebumps appearing on Calum's arms.

Suddenly a bang was heard and he jumped, sighing in relief when seeing Ashton and Mr.Hood rushing into the room. Michael ignored them, but then he remembered Calum isn't out yet. Despite wanting to hold his hand, he let go in case Mr.Hood saw them.

He overheard the nurse say,"-- just fainted outside, I checked and he's fine, sir. He should wake up in a few minutes. His blood pressure is fine and he will most likely have a very small concussion. Just make sure he's eating well and have him relax for the next week or so."

A relieved feeling went over Michael, glancing at Calum and he heard the door open. Luke walked in, grinning as he went to tell Michael. But, the boy just nodded. Luke nearly rolled his eyes. Michael has bat ears, he swears. Maybe it has something to do with him being mute, because they say you lose one of the senses and gain more of another.

For a while they waited and Michael didn't let his eyes leave Calum. He watched him intently, holding his hand once Mr.Hood was out of sight and brushed his thumb over the back of it. He noticed the bags under Calum's eyes and wondered how he never saw them.

As Luke left to go get something to eat, Michael stayed and grabbed his phone. He saw his aunt texted and rolled his eyes when she asked where he was. As if she actually cared. He just told her at a friend's and pocketed his phone with an eye roll, slouching in his seat slightly.

"Aren't you a feisty kitten."

The groggy voice had Michael jumping nearly ten feet. His breath hitched,a grin on his lips when seeing Calum sitting up with a sleepy expression on his face. Michael gasped, standing up and eagerly pressing his lips to the boy's while embracing him a bit too tightly.

Calum made a noise of surprise, gently pushing Michael back a little and told him breathlessly,"O-Okay, I need air, love. Calm down, It's not like I was dying or anything. Fuck, my head does hurt a lot, though."

Michael glared at him, smacking his arm roughly and told him with a pain expression,"F-Fainted, Calum! Y-You fainted. Hit your head. Y-You could've...and then I would be so alone. N-Need you. Your insomnia is terrible. W-Why did you not tell me? Could've helped."

A guilty expression formed on Calum's face, glancing out the room and making sure no one noticed he was help. He scooted so his back was against the wall and patted his lap. Michael blushed a little, wiping a stray tear and shakily went on the bed, crawling into Calum's lap and sighed as he felt Calum's strong arms wrap around him.

Calum ran his fingers through Michael's hair, kissing his head softly and he said honestly,"Mikey, you mean so much to me, okay? I -- I should have told you. But, I'm worried about you more than me. Sleep isn't as important as...eating. I at least get a few hours of sleep, but I noticed you -- you don't eat at all."

"I am!" Michael insisted, tensing in Calum's arms. "I-I am, I promise."

A look of disbelief crossed Calum's face, his eyes gazing with tears as he saw how Michael was lying straight to his face. He clenched his jaw slightly, gripping onto Michael's wrist and he wrapped his hand around them, seeing just how small Michael was as the boy tried yanking his arm away weakly.

Michael pleaded,"S-Stop! I'm fine, you're not!"

"No, stop lying to me," Calum said sternly, letting go of his wrist and tilted Michael's chin so their eyes. "I know I'm the one in the nurses office, but you're the one that's been sneaking around and I tried ignoring it. I -- I was scared to talk about it. I didn't want it to be real, cause I just hoped you were telling the truth and you were fine. You're not, though. Why aren't you trying to eat?"

"I don't w-want to! I don't care, I l-like not eating!" Michael exclaimed, moving and getting off the bed and away from Calum. He trembled, tugging at his sleeves and pacing slightly. "I-I don't care, I don't. I can get sick, okay? It's f-fine. Just wanna be skinny, just wanna be normal."

A sympathetic look covered Calum's face and he glanced out the door window, seeing his dad still talking. He stood up, stumbling a bit and Michael quickly helped him. A thankful expression covered his face, but frowned as he saw how baggy the sweatshirt was on Michael.

He shook his head slowly, locking the door in case someone came in. Michael was confused, but then his eyes widened when feeling Calum tugging at his sweatshirt. At first, Michael tried getting him to stop but then he reluctantly lifted his arms, chewing his bottom lip nervously as Calum pulled the shirt off.

A small gasp left Calum's mouth, slapping a hand over his mouth. Michael wrapped his arms around himself sub-consciously. He was skinnier than the first time they checked his body and Calum suddenly felt a huge weight on his shoulders. Michael has lost more weight when he's suppose to be gaining it.

How could Calum have not noticed? More than likely, he has and just ignored it. He ignored how unhealthy his boyfriend was. Who does that? Michael let out a small sob, shaking his head as he yanked his shirt and hoodie from Calum, going to tug it over his head but Calum stopped him.

It was silent and Calum slowly took the shirt and hoodie from him. He hesitated before running his hands over Michael's petite body, biting his lip as he tried not to sigh in relief at the fact that his ribs were still not visible, thankfully. This was a sign that it was bad, but there was still a possibility at getting him healthy before it did permanent damage. Though, with disorders, there will always be permanent damage.

He could feel Michael's body shaking from his cries and Calum was never good at comforting people. But, he slowly looked up at his boyfriend, seeing his kitten shed tears that had his heart pained. He lightly placed his hand on Michael's cheek, brushing the tears with the pad of his thumb.

Michael looked at him in guilt and Calum just pulled him close, wrapping his arms around the boy. He was still shirtless and Calum just frowned, not enjoying how small he was. He was smaller than Maya and that's saying something, considering how tiny she was.

He pressed small kisses to Michael's neck and felt him shiver beneath Calum. His body was cold and it made Calum swallow a lump in his throat, sighing as he rubbed his back gently and told Michael in a sweet whisper,"It's okay, kitten. I got you, okay? I--I'll help you. I'll make you better."

It seemed like such a nice offer, to most people. Though, to Michael it was more of a insult. He knew Calum didn't mean it that way, but that's how he took it. As if Michael was sick, however he's not. In his mind, he was fine and just a little insecure like everyone else.

"What if I-I don't want to be better?"

A tension was felt, Calum blinking slowly as he pulled away to look at Michael. He seemed so serious and that's what scared Calum. Before he could say anything, the nurse and his dad were trying to get in, knocking on the door while calling Calum's name.

He looked at Michael, seeing the boy tugging his shirt back on. He was scared now. Not even caring about his insomnia as he noticed Michael casually sitting back down as if nothing happened. But, something did happen. That something being that Michael wasn't even aware of how serious his disorder was and now Calum had no idea what to do. All he knew was that he needed to focus on Michael.

-

When Calum returned home that night, he was bombarded with far too many questions and wasn't able to focus. All the advice they gave him for sleeping was stupid and he's tried them all, but apparently people don't seem to realize this and so he nodded and smiled.

Despite their small fight in the club the other day, Luke did help Calum get an extra hour of sleep. He was given earplugs to drown out any distractions and Luke rubbed his back softly, letting him relax. It was weird but they were close now and still fight, but also get along more easily.

As he let Calum sleep, he stayed up all night. He couldn't focus on sleeping when so much has happened. He was the one living with Calum in his room. Shouldn't he have noticed? Well, he did but he didn't think it was that serious. Enough for him to faint and get a concussion from the fall.

He had tried helping Calum before, but since they were arguing and stuff, it didn't go well. However, he did make Calum a cup of chamomile tea and that also helped this night. Now, Luke was going to look out for Calum more. Especially since Michael asked him to do so as well, considering he can't come over every night.

Still, it wasn't helping too much. Calum doesn't get the right hours of sleep. He went from two to three, and that's not healthy. Luke was going to try to help, however he knew the only way to get him to sleep was for Michael to come over and try cuddling with him. That may not be a good option, though. He doubt Michael would be able to come over and stay the night.

The next morning, Calum had trouble waking up and that scared Luke. He tried not to over think it and just greeted him a quick good morning before getting him some breakfast. Throughout the morning, Mr. and Mrs. Hood were very kind towards Calum, which was nice since they finally took his insomnia somewhat seriously. 

Throughout the day, Luke was more concerned over Ashton, though. When they got to school, Calum just went to class and so Luke knew he was okay. Especially since he didn't look very sleepy anymore. Even if he only got one extra hour, it was still an hour more than before.

With that out of his mind, he was able to think about how to tell Ashton he cheated. He didn't even know how to start. Does he tell him about the weed first or the cheating? He assumed the weed would be easier for him to explain, but then Ashton may think he's trying to make an excuse.

It was all confusing for him and he wasn't the best at explaining things, but he knew Ashton would listen. So, he texted Ashton to meet him outside after school. Which is why he was leaning against the way, trying to figure everything out and getting lost it thought.

Before being able to think it through more, he heard a voice say,"Luke, can we talk?"

He turned, glaring when his eyes met Mitch's. Luke shook his head frantically and exclaimed,"You planned this, didn't you? Samantha is your friend, and you are jealous of me and Ashton. It all fits together perfectly, huh? Having her join the group and -- and trick me like that!"

"Are you kidding me?" A look of disbelief crossed Mitch's face as narrowed his eyes. "You still don't trust me? And now you're using my feelings as an excuse to blame everything on me? You know what, I don't even know why I like you anymore. You're an asshole, Luke."

Luke gaped slightly, clenching his jaw,"How the -- no, I'm not! You are! You took advantage of me. You always got me into shit when I was upset. You gave me a cigarette, you invited me to smoke weed when I was sad. You even kissed me, clearly knowing I liked Ashton."

He wasn't even sure what he was saying, but words came out and he was angry. Not even at Mitch, however more at himself and he needed to let it out. All of the pain and frustration, it needed to be gone and he couldn't handle it anymore. he was just so done with himself.

"Putting all the blame on me?" Mitch laughed humorlessly, shaking his head and stepped closer to Luke. He looked up slightly, seeing as Luke is tall and he grinned,"Get over yourself, blondie. You agreed to it all, so quit making me out to be the bad guy. I hate Samantha, and even if you and Ashton weren't together, we probably wouldn't be either. And really, I don't care anymore. Go fuck yourself, Hemmings."

The hatefulness in Mitch's voice had Luke cringe, watching the guy glare as he walked off with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Luke gulped slowly, not sure what to make of this. He was so mad, Mitch never snaps at him this much. But, does Luke really care? Mitch is nothing but a drug-addict, love sick puppy over Luke.

So, Luke just sighed and leaned against the wall. He nervously tapped his fingers, waiting for Ashton to walk out so they can talk together. He was anxious and nervous and worried about all the reactions he can get. None seemed pleasing and that made Luke even more scared.

Mitch's words kept replaying in his mind and he chewed on his bottom lip, watching people leave the school. The crowd was getting smaller and the parking lot was disappearing of cars as everyone left. And he just knew Ashton should be coming out any time not.

And he did.

The boy walked down the steps of the school, looking around for Luke. Luke waited for him to see where he was and when Ashton did, he grinned. The boy rushed over, smiling as he kissed Luke quickly. He wore this cute beanie over his fringe and didn't have glasses on. He rarely doesn't wear them, so it made Luke happy.

It's not that Ashton looks ugly in glasses, cause he looked super cute. However, when he doesn't wear them, Luke can see his beautiful hazel eyes and he couldn't choose which he loved more. Seeing Ashton's eyes and long eyelashes, or him wearing glasses that looked perfect on him.

Either way, Ashton asked curiously, voice seeming to waver,"So, um what -- what did you want to talk about?"

Luke hesitated, taking Ashton's hand and leaded him to the car so they weren't being overheard. Ashton followed, letting Luke help him in the backseat. They shut the door and Luke turned on the car to let it heat and turned to Ashton, avoiding his curious and suspicious eyes.

"Listen, I...I did something really bad." Ashton nodded slowly, unsure of what to say. So, Luke just continued with a quiet voice,"I -- It was when Samantha joined the club. When we um, when we left to get her permission slip, she asked me something. I was stressed, freaking out over stupid shit. And, I got high with her and her friends."

Ashton inhaled sharply, not really expecting that yet not surprised. Luke looked over towards him and Ashton saw the guilt in his eyes. He spoke unsurely,"Well, I mean...I get it, I guess. I don't like it, but it's your release and I understand now. Like how I...self-harm, that's like yours? But, I can help yo--"

"That's not all," Luke interrupted.

A frown formed on Ashton's face, shaking his head,"What? What is it?" Silence. "Luke...you're scaring me. Why do you look so afraid to tell me? What did you do?" Luke stayed silent, staring at the ground. "Please, tell me. I can handle it, it can't be that bad."

Luke buried his face in his hands, mumbling,"It is. I fucked up. I'm so sorry, bug. I didn't mean to. I was high and mad and upset and she looked like you. I don't know how, but she did. With dimples and her hair and her hazel eyes and she's tan, like you. Fuck, I-I'm so sorry, baby. It's not even an excuse, but -- I don't even know."

"W-What?" Ashton breath hitched slightly, taking in what Luke said. He turned forward, swallowing a lump in his throat,"You didn't...please, L-Lukey. Tell me you didn't. Please."

A silence fell as Luke just nodded. Neither of them spoke. Ashton wasn't sure what to say and Luke was afraid to say too much. He was honest and now Ashton knew. It was better than lying and he knew he'd face the consequences one day. Ashton would have found out and at least he found out from his boyfriend.

When Luke went to speak, Ashton grumbled,"What was it like? The kiss. What kind of kiss?"

"I-I don't know," Luke stuttered, seeing the betrayal and hurt in Ashton's eyes. The pain and the insecurities. Ashton's already so insecure, and now he knew this would just make it all worse.

Ashton snapped,"Yes! You do know, Luke! You kissed her or she kissed you, but you didn't deny kissing back! So tell me what kind of fucking kiss was it!"

The anger in his voice caught Luke off guard, not able to speak as Ashton scooted close and narrowed his eyes,"Was it like this?" Ashton kissed him quickly, just a peck on the lips and Luke eyes widened a bit. "Or was it like this?" Ashton pulled him close, lips pressing to Luke's and moving slowly, but deepening as Luke hesitantly kissed back, very confused.

Luke barely got to respond as Ashton pulled away. He asked in confusion,"A-Ashton, what are you--?"

"Or was it like this?" Ashton kissed him once again, deeper and letting his tongue slip into the taller boy's mouth. He let his tongue roam Luke's mouth. The blonde made a noise of surprise, not sure if he's suppose to kiss back. He allowed Ashton to roam his mouth and felt a tear fall on his cheek and knew it was from Ashton.

Luke lightly pushed Ashton off, out of breath as he pleaded,"Baby, please. I -- I know you're mad."

"Which one? Luke, tell me," Ashton said sternly, tears in his eyes as he stared at Luke. He was still on his lap, clenching Luke's shirt with his hands and waiting impatiently. 

At first, Luke wasn't sure if there was a right or wrong answer. But, the truth was always the best. Honesty is the key and so he admitted in a whisper,"The second one? We weren't making out, but it wasn't like...quick." 

He knew right away it was the wrong answer and Ashton snatched up his bag from the ground of the car, opening the door. Luke shook his head frantically, watching Ashton move from his lap and out of the car. He quickly got out as well, chasing after him and grabbing Ashton's arm.

Ashton turned to him with a scowl,"Don't you dare give me some stupid speech about loving me, Luke! I'm not in the mood for this, okay? I-I can't keep being sad anymore and obviously if you're going around kissing girls and claiming it's because they look like me despite the fact that I have a díck, then I'll keep being more insecure! You...You make me so insecure, Luke. I feel like I'm never good enough for you."

"No, don't say that," Luke felt his heart drop, knowing exactly where this was going. To a place he never wanted to be and to hear words he never wanted to hear.

But, Ashton just pulled his arm from Luke's grip and he took a shaky breath,"Maybe my parents are right. I need to focus on school. Dating just isn't going to happen." He then added, causing Luke's heart to break,"I already knew you cheated. I figured you did. And -- And I relapsed and I can't keep doing that. I need to put myself first."

His words made Luke's chest hurt. No, he couldn't just do that. That's not how it works. Luke loves him, isn't that enough? And Ashton relapsed again? The thought made Luke sick to his stomach, hating the fact that he was the cause of a couple of the scars on Ashton's arm.

He watched as Ashton walked off, Luke saying loudly,"So, you're walking away?!" Ashton halted and Luke shouted,"Your parents are shit, okay?! I know for a fact that you know you can focus in school! You're making excuses to not be with me! I know you're mad and you have every right to be, but why toss away the last two months like that? The last five of knowing each other?"

"This isn't just about that, Luke! This is about me and hating myself and not being able to love someone when I can't even love myself! What's the point of us dating when it's going to go no where? If it's just going to make me hate myself more?" Ashton's words were rushed out in a series of pain.

He continued before Luke can speak and he felt himself get worked up,"C-Cause, you kissed Samantha and she's -- she's so pretty and I'm crap compared to her and I know you say I'm amazing and everything, but I don't believe that. And, every time we'd kiss, I would just keep thinking 'was she better?' 'Does he really like me?' 'Is he gonna kiss another girl and make the same excuse?' and I don't want to keep thinking that. I can't keep thinking that, Luke. I'm just done with you."

With that said, Ashton didn't spare a glance as he headed down the street. He can feel Luke's eyes burning in the back of his head and he willed himself not to cry. Because, crying is stupid and he's been doing that too much lately. So, he held them back and he just went home.

When he went inside the house, Ashton ignored his parents and went upstairs. He shut his door, feeling the lump in his throat that can trigger it all. He didn't get the feeling yet. It didn't feel like they broke up, not at the moment. The realization wasn't there and he was relieved of that. 

He tried ignoring that Luke and him just broke up. Ashton occupied himself with schoolwork, as usual. He sat on his bed with his laptop, hands trembling as he typed out an essay for English class. He could feel his phone vibrating, knowing it was Luke but not wanting to talk to him.

But, as minutes passed and so did hours, Ashton slowly began feeling lost. He looked at the screen with his essay and he clenched his eyes shut, seeing his eyes were blurring the screen. He saved it before shutting his laptop and leaning against the wall with a frown.

Why did he dump Luke? Maybe because it's the right thing to do. Once a cheater, always a cheater. But, shouldn't people get second-chances? And, Samantha does look like Ashton. However, she's a girl and he's a guy. Yet, Luke was high and so he was a little lost in his head.

That's not an excuse, though. Ashton kept trying to forget him, feeling his stomach growl and wanted to get something to eat, but he's been ignoring his extra work his mum gave. So, he couldn't eat and Ashton could hear his phone ringing again, making him let out a noise of frustration.

He hated himself so much. Why did Luke have to cheat on him? Just a kiss, that's what many people would say. But, it's not just a kiss to him. A kiss is more than people make it out to be and obviously, Luke must subconsciously not like being with Ashton since he kissed someone else.

Ashton just wanted to forget it all. He glanced at the drawer which had his razor. He moved his jacket sleeve up, seeing the cuts on it. There's so many, does he even have room for more? Ashton can always make room. He went to his other arm and was happy to see there was space.

He grabbed the razor, shakily pressing it to his skin. As he hurt himself, forgetting the pain, he once again was unaware that the door was unlocked. His eyes widened, seeing Calum standing in the doorway with a paled face. He let out a small sob, going to speak but Calum just shut the door quickly, tossing his bag on the side.

"N-No, l-leave," Ashton pleaded, hiccuping in between sobs as Calum looked around, trying to find something to stop the bleeding.

The cuts were so deep, it was frightening. He felt queasy, but ignored it and grabbed a shirt from the ground. He didnt care if it was Ashton's favorite or something. He just held Ashton's arm, grimacing at the blood getting on his hand and gulped slowly while wrapped the clothing around it, pressing down to stop it.

As he did so, Ashton kept staring at him. He had tears falling and his fringe was slightly mess and he just looked tired. Not even sleepy tired, but tired of life and it was terrifying. Calum didn't know what to say or do as Ashton kept mumbling words through his tears.

He's never been in this situation. Even with Michael, it was different. Michael was his boyfriend and somehow Calum was able to talk to him, even if it was a little. But, Ashton is stubborn and he doesn't talk unless he's ready. Unless he breaks and he doesn't have a choice.

"A-Ashton, talk to me." Ashton didn't. Calum scooted close, using his free hand to take the boy's. It was shaky and he just entwined their fingers, pleading,"You need to talk to me. What happened? We were suppose to hang out, you were ignoring my calls. Did something happen after school? Tell me. Remember what I said? You can talk to me and we'd vent and cry together."

For a second, Ashton said nothing. But, then he told Calum,"Luke cheated on me. A-And, I hate him. And I hate me. And I hate my parents, my so-called friends, my face, my body, my everything. I-I hate everything. I hate me so much. I hate it! I-I wanna die, I wanna die so much right now. W-Why am I even here? I made Luke cheat on me. I-I'm not good enough for him and he deserves better."

"Luke cheated on you?" Calum asked with a disbelieved voice. When Ashton nodded, Calum gritted his teeth as he said,"I will fucking stab him in his sleep. What the hell? I-I'm so sorry, Ashton. You don't deserve that. I'm gonna 'talk' to him, okay? But, don't, for the love of God, don't do anything stupid."

A blank expression was on Ashton's face,"You were going to."

"But, Luke stopped me and now I'm stopping you. I'll stay here all night if I have to. I know I was a jerk to you for so long, but we're friends and friends don't let each other die like that. I'm here and I'm going to always be here. I'm not letting you end your life just cause things are tough right now," Calum said honestly, licking his lips nervously.

Ashton gave a sad chuckle,"Things have been tough for seventeen years. I don't want to go through another. It's not worth it anymore, Calum. No one would care anyways. My parents didn't even care that I...that I hurt myself. They said it was stupid and that I'm a crybaby. And I am. I cry and cry and whine about how much I hate my life. So why not just end it?!"

His voice was so serious and Calum didn't know how to think or what to say. He stayed silent, because that's just what he thought when he almost jumped off the roof. He remembered so clearly that he felt like nothing. Sometimes he still thinks that way and wonders if life would be better if he didn't have one. 

But, now he's changed and Luke talked to him. However, it's different. Ashton's been thinking this way for years while Calum's only thought over it for months. Ashton had so much baggage and he couldn't escape any of it. At least Calum can go home to semi-nice parents and have a good meal.

Calum stood up, going into Ashton's bathroom and grabbed some bandages. He glanced over to where Ashton was and he searched through the cabinets, finding razors everywhere. He gulped, shutting the cabinets after finding ointment and went over to help Ashton to the sink.

He pulled the cloth off of Ashton's arm, inhaling sharply at how sickening the sight was. He stayed strong, rinsing them off as Ashton stayed silent, not even hissing at the pain. When they went over to the bed, Calum helped with the ointment and bandaged him up.

As he turned off the lights, Calum laid down next to Ashton on the bed. It was around nine, kind of early but Ashton seemed tired. Ashton's back was towards Calum, staring at the wall. He was very overwhelmed and it's gotten to be too much. He knew people wouldn't understand and that's why he just wants to go away.

It was an hour later, Ashton didn't seem like he was asleep. So, Calum spoke quietly,"Ashton...I know cu-self harming is confusing if you don't do it. But, um. Please, you need to stop. It's getting to be too much."

"I'm trying," Ashton promised, voice cracking slightly as he glanced at the 'Luke' Bracelet on his arm and clenching the necklace Michael gave him.

"You need to try harder, Ashton. I know you think no one cares, but the boys and I do, we care a lot about you," Calum told him weakly, hesitantly placing his hand on Ashton's arm, bring it down to the bandages. "It doesn't just hurt you, it hurts everyone who loves you."

Ashton snorted, shaking his head,"My family doesn't love me."

"I can't promise that they do, but I'm sure they do," Calum sighed. "Even -- Even if they don't, that doesn't mean your other family doesn't. Michael and I, we're your brothers now. We love you. You mean a lot to me and I can't imagine you being gone and I hope you feel the same." 

Ashton turned, looking at him with a confused expression,"I um, I do. But, I can't stop and I tried and it doesn't work. I'm just a hopeless cause and I can't do anything to stop it now. It's a terrible addiction."

Calum looked at him, seeing how honest he was. It was silent and the room was quiet, the walls thin and no voices were heard. Meaning everyone was asleep now. It was around ten thirty, so he figured they were. Ashton's family seemed like the type to go to bed early.

Calum swallowed a lump in his throat, speaking,"Imagine, every time you cut yourself, that you're cutting someone you love. Ashton tensed, looking at Calum as the boy faced him,"Will you still do it?"

An imagine of Ashton hurting Luke appeared in his mind. Ashton shrugged with a shaky voice,"I-I don't think so. No, of course not. I would never...I could never."

"Even then, by hurting yourself, you're hurting someone you love. It may not be physically hurting them in that manner, but emotionally you can really hurt someone else," Calum told him forcefully, the words causing him to choke up slightly. "So, imagine every time you hurt yourself, that you're hurting someone you love. Maybe it'll help."

Ashton felt a pang in his chest, hearing the honesty in Calum's voice. He glanced at his arm, seeing Calum's hand still on the bandages and he nodded slowly. He knew he'd still do it, there's no way he could stop cold-turkey. But, maybe this is the way he could slowly quit.

He told Calum quietly,"Thank you, I-I do love you too by the way. Like a brother, of course." 

Calum chuckled, nodding slowly. He gave Ashton a quick hug that was slightly awkward considering they were laying down. And then, Ashton slowly drifted to sleep. Calum was still in his normal clothes and so he got up, sneaking in Ashton's drawers and found some pajamas.

Afterwards, he glanced at Ashton who was asleep and curled up in a ball over the blankets. He sighed, grabbing his phone and sent Luke a text calling him an asshole and saying they were going to talk tomorrow. He couldn't believe Luke would do something like this.

He placed his phone on the sidetable, eyes catching the razor on there. He glanced at Ashton, quickly grabbing it and searched for more. He found some in his drawers and then got the ones from the cabinet. And Calum flushed them down the toilet, making sure Ashton didn't wake up from the sound.

He knew that wouldn't stop Ashton, but it would make him need to think more before breaking something to get more. So, he was hoping that could help. He didn't understand how the mind worked for those who hurt themselves, however he knew Ashton was smart enough to think things through more carefully.

With that in mind, Calum yawned and laid down in bed next to his friend. He saw Ashton was cold and hesitantly moved him under the blanket, careful to not wake him up. He then went under as well, watching as Ashton snored quietly, wishing he could sleep. 

He stayed up, playing on his phone and sending compliments to Michael through text so he could wake up to cute messages. Until, around three in the morning, Calum finally was able to sleep, even if it was for only three hours. It was an hour more than usual and that's a start.


	32. Chapter 32

[From: My boyfriend :D]

Your eyes are the prettiest emerald shade of green <3 whenever I look into them, my stomach fills with butterflies.

[From: My boyfriend :D]

your smile can blind anyone, it's that beautiful. The only thing better than your smile is me kissing it away :*

[From: My boyfriend :D]

Whenever I'm sad and feel like nothing is worth living for, I think of you and instantly become happy. Because that's what you do. You make me so happy (:

[From: My boyfriend :D]

your laugh is the most gorgeous sound ever. I can listen to it for hours and never not smile. Whether it's small or loud or a giggle; it's perfect.

[From: My boyfriend :D]

I love hearing you sing. It tugs at my heart and it's the cutest thing ever. Almost as cute as you, kitten. But nothing is cuter than you ;)

A huge smile made it's way on Michael's face. He should be use to this by now. Calum always does this and it leaves him speechless. It was one of the things that Michael loves about him. How he's so sweet and takes time to think of compliments for Michael.

It never ceased to amaze Michael about how much Calum makes him blush. Because, he blushed slightly, yawning as he got up and looked at the texts again. Like always, he held back a giggle and tried to thnik of how to reply. He's always speechless when this happens.

[To: My boyfriend :D]

I don't know what to say...thank you <3 i can't stop smiling now and probably look like an idiot. 

While waiting for a reply, Michael stood up and rubbed his eyes sleepily. He went over to his bathroom, taking a quick leak and then washed his hands repeatedly. He looked at himself with a frown, ruffling his hair and pouted at how messy it was. The green was fading to an ugly color.

He sort of regrets making it so bright, maybe he should dye it again. However, it's only been two months and people say to wait three. He then gasped, grabbing his phone and checked the date. A grin formed on his face when realizing Calum's birthday was only in a few days. Also, it was two days before their two month anniversary.

Michael tried thinking of a present as he changed quickly. While doing so, he glanced at his shirtless body. He sighed, lightly brushing his hand over the flat skin and all he can feel is a huge stomach. As if he's pregnant or something. He can never feel how his stomach was flat and nearly concaving.

He felt tears pool to his eyes, hating how Calum kept trying to make him 'get better'. He doesn't need to be better. He is fine. His body needs to get smaller, not bigger. Why is Calum trying to make him fat? As an excuse to dump him? He won't let that happen. 

A beep broke his thoughts and Michael sniffled, rubbing his eyes. He pushed away the thoughts and tugged on a tanktop then a hoodie. He didn't like not wearing his hoodie. When he doesn't wear it, he feels exposed. He doesn't like being exposed to anyone. 

No one should be forced to see his fat body except him. Though, Calum always seems to want to see it. He shouldn't. He didn't want Calum knowing how ugly he is. However, he basically forced Michael to strip down the other day. Michael shook the thoughts away and grabbed his phone.

[From: My Boyfriend :D]

I bet you look booty-ful :p send me a pic of your pretty smile <3 

Michael blushed again, not sure if he should. It's just a picture of his smile and yet it seemed like so much more. He reluctantly went over to the mirror. He fixed up his hair a little, awkwardly holding his camera up so it was to where he can see his hideous face. He took maye fifty, scrolling through them all.

They were all terrible. It went from blurry, to ugly, to bad smile, and so many more. He couldn't take a good picture. Finally, he pouted and went with one unwillingly. He sent it and added a frowny face while saying 'it's terrible, I'm sorry D:' and sluggishly walked out of his room.

As he went into the kitchen, he halted and the smell of bacon filled the air. Michael's stomach growled, his eyes darting towards his aunt that was cooking the food. She turned to him, grinning and placing the food in front of him on a plate. There was also eggs.

His aunt told him, nodding at the boy,"Eat up, I'm taking a shower. I hope you like it."

Michael simply smiled timidly, waiting for her to leave. He slowly sat down and grabbed his bag. He shakily took out his notebook he rarely ever uses. He only uses it when he eats. And, right now, Michael wanted to do something so Calum wouldn't be mad. Maybe if he ate a tiny bit, then he'll be okay.

So, he flipped open his tiny notebook and repeatedly clicked his pen. His phone beeped, but he ignored it. Michael just looked at his food with determined eyes. He slowly wrote down 'bacon' and a dash. He procrastinated, writing down eggs as well and then his name, as if he needed to.

Finally, he glanced at the clock and knew Calum was picking him up. Michael stared at the five pieces of bacon, seeing how crisp and warm they were. He felt his stomach begging to eat it. Next to 'bacon' he wrote a terrifying '43 calories' and with trembling hands, picked up the fattening food.

He timidly took a bite. A very small bit.But, it was still a bite. He licked his lips, grimacing at the greasy taste. Michael felt disgusted. He couldn't believe he actually took a bite of that. He shook his head, glancing at the door and quickly tossed the food back in the pan. He doubts she counted the amount of bacon she made.

Then, he rushed to his bathroom and brushed his teeth. That small bit of bacon made him feel sick. He gargled mouthwash and spit it out,hearing his phone beep again. Michael grabbed his notebook, stuffing it in his bag along with his 'Malum' lion and saw Calum texted he was outside along with 'you look adorable, my little lion' and that made his heart flutter.

He went outside, stopping in his step when seeing it was raining. Michael sighed and saw Calum's car. He tugged up his hood, rushing to the front seat only to frown as he saw Ashton was there. He raised an eyebrow, but reluctantly went in the backseat.

Calum turned to him with a sympathetic smile,"Sorry, love. I stayed at Ashton's last night. I guess I forgot to tell you."

Michael just smiled forcefully, the smile dropping once Calum turned forward. When they drove off, Michael was confused and slightly jealous. Why was Calum at Ashton's? He didn't like that. Him and Calum never stayed the night together, it wasn't fair. He wanted to sleep with Calum.

Realizing how dirty that sounds, Michael blushed and hid his red cheeks with his sweater paws. His eyes darted to where said boyfriend was driving. He still had bags under his eyes, probably not having make up to cover it up. But, he looked good and wore his usual jacket over a shirt that appeared to be Ashton's, seeing as it's a little small on him.

When they got to school, Ashton thanked Calum quietly and ran towards the school in the rain. Michael went to leave, but Calum grabbed his arm. Calum frowned when seeing Michael flinch. A silence fell and Michael slowly looked toward him, scooting forward and in the middle so he could face Calum better.

Calum told him, knowing he was feeling jealous and insecure,"I was just staying at Ashton's because he relapsed, okay? Don't be a jealous kitten." Michael looked down sheepishly, feeling Calum poke his cheek. "I couldn't leave him alone. He was so heartbroken. Luke and him broke up. Luke cheated on him."

"I-I know," Michael said without thinking.

Then inhaled sharply, looking up to see Calum look at him in confusion. Calum asked suspiciously,"What do you mean you know? You knew he cheated on Ashton and you didn't tell anyone?"

"D-Don't be mad. Please. W-Was just trying to be a good friend," Michael whispered, glancing at his wrist without realizing it as he continued,"He was mad. H-He regretted it and was high. He just got mad and t-told me not to tell anyone. I didn't want him m-mad."

Calum was staring at him, then he looked at Michael's wrist. He slowly moved up the sleeve, looking at the fading bruise from before. He asked breathlessly,"Did he do this to you? Did Luke hurt you?" Michael stayed silent. Calum shook his head, gripping Michael's chin so they were looking at one another. "Tell me right now, Michael. Did Luke do this to you? Don't you dare lie to me."

"H-He didn't mean to," Michael reluctantly spoke.

A look of disbelief crossed Calum's angry face. He balled his fist, saying through gritted teeth,"I swear to God, Luke is getting on my last nerve. He cheats on Ashton, gets high and hurts you?! What the hell is this kid doing? He's about to get punched in the face, I'm not even kidding."

Michael's head snapped up, hearing the car door open. He panicked, seeing Calum rushing towards the school. Michael quickly followed, stumbling on his way out. He may not be happy with Luke, but that's his best friend. He can't let him get hurt, even if Luke did mess up quite a lot recently.

He was still learning from his mistakes. He relapsed and that's okay. He did do stupid shit while relapsing, but his addiction was different. While Michael only got cranky cause of his and Calum the same, and while Ashton just got upset, Luke was doing stupid shit. Him getting high was his fault, but some of the things he does while under the influence isn't him. It's a dark side of him that he can't control.

Michael looked things up after hearing Luke smoked weed. He knew that it effects everyone different and depends on your mood while doing it and how your body personally reacts. He figured Luke wasn't thinking at all. Maybe he was sad and so while high, he forgot everything. Including Ashton.

Either way, he wasn't going to let Calum hurt him. Luke is his best friend and he won't let him get beat up because of his stupid mistakes. Everyone makes them, including Michael. So, he followed Calum and noticed he was going around the school, probably knowing Luke was back there.

He frowned, watching as Calum glared at the blonde. Luke was leaning against the back of the school, under a little ledge that stopped the rain from drenching him. He was smoking a cigarette, shivering while doing so. He looked really sad and like he didn't get any sleep.

Calum shook his head, rushing towards the blonde and he gripped Luke by his shirt. Luke gasp, dropping his cigarette in a puddle of water. Before Calum could do anything, Michael shouted,"S-Stop!" Calum froze. "P-Put him down. Don't touch him, Calum!"

Surprised by his boyfriend's outburst, Calum quickly did as told. He still looked at Luke, narrowing his eyes. But, Michael stepped out and pleaded, gripping Calum's arm sleeve,"D-Don't. He's not b-bad. Just made dumb mistakes. Don't hate him! H-He's my friend."

"Yeah, and he's my brother. But, I don't care," Calum snapped, seeing the pained expression in Luke's eyes. "Yeah, that's right. I played the brother card. You know you're an asshole, right? Ashton is a great person! He cared about you and loved you! He never betrayed you, yet you had the audacity to go behind his back and kiss some girl?!"

Tears filled Luke's eyes, clenching them shut as he exclaimed,"I-I didn't m-mean to! I was stupid and high --"

"That's not an excuse!" Calum retorted loudly, wincing at the sound of thunder claps. He felt Michael tense and wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, glaring at Luke,"You hurt Michael! You bruised his wrist, are you going to blame the weed now? Cause, you make your own choices!"

"Why do you always do this? You always pick on me, out of all the boys! You hate me so much, don't you?" Luke leaned back against the brick wall, covering his face with his hands. "W-Why do you hate me so much?! I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to cheat, I - I really didn't! And fuck, I never meant to hurt you, Michael. I -- I would never mean to hurt you."

"I don't hate you," Calum told him quietly, voice laced with disappointment. He let go of Michael, telling Luke,"You're just a jerk and I can't help but pity how stupid you are. You blame everyone for shit you did and it's annoying. But, I know you just do it because you don't want to hate yourself. Which is dumb. If you'd just accept that you make mistakes then things would blow over."

Luke blinked up at Calum and narrowed his eyes,"I just admitted I cheated, what the hell do you mean? I'm not blaming anyone."

"You're blaming the weed," Calum retorted. 

A silence fell. Luke's gaze went forward, him slouching slightly and fiddling with his fingers. Calum glanced at the time, seeing class was starting in a couple minutes. He glanced at Luke, nudging him and motioned inside. Luke just walked ahead, looking down with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

While he left, Calum went and followed him. But, Michael tugged him back. He smiled sadly, pressing his lips to Calum's lightly. However, he was pushed off. Michael frowned, confused as to why Calum pulled away. They always kiss, so why won't he respond?

Calum just looked at Michael and walked away. Michael's heart sank, so confused as he swallowed a lump in his throat, left in the rain. He hesitantly walked forward, going into the school. He saw Calum was gone and reluctantly went to his own class, hurt by everything.

Was it because he didn't tell Calum about Luke cheating? It's not his business to tell. However, he knew it was confirmed as he thought about it. That's not fair. Calum shouldn't be mad at him. It's not like Michael cheated. He would tell Calum if he did, which will never happen.

In math class, Michael in the back and saw Ashton tapping nervously a few seats diagnol. He noticed he was wearing a jacket and sighed. He didn't like the thought of his friend hurting himself. He cared so much about Ashton. They are friends and to think of Ashton bleeding from something he did to himself -- it just isn't okay.

Yet, Michael wasn't aware that he was doing the same. He was hurting himself without even knowing it. He was slowly killing himself. With each meal he skipped, a day was basically taken away. And he didn't know that. He thought he was okay and he is. But, okay can't last forever.

As the class went by, Michael was feeling restless. He could hear people sneaking snacks under the desk. Wrappers were being opened, granola bars were chewed and he spared a glance at the side of class. He saw Samantha, the girl who Luke kissed and joined the club, was chatting with her friends.

She sickened him in so many ways. Her peppy and bitchy attitude wasn't appreciated. He couldn't understand why she had to join the club. Everything went down when she was here and now it can't be fixed unless she's gone. Does Ashton know she was the one Luke kissed? Probably.

He sighed, gripping his malum bear a little tighter. People were quietly working on math problems and he didn't bother. He wanted to skip and go to the library, however the school threatened to call his 'mum' (Aunt) if he kept doing it. So, he decided to go to class and just not do anything.

However, as he did so, his eyes widened and face flushed red when the bear started singing. Though it usually isn't loud, the class was so quiet that everyone could hear Calum's voice sing," If he feels the love tonight in the way I do...It's enough for this restless wanderer just to be with you."

People snickered, turning towards where Michael was slouching in his seat with the bear clung to his chest. He looked down, watching as the teacher walked over,"Mr.Clifford, what a surprise. Hand over the phone-- oh." She saw it was a stuffed animal and sighed, holding her hand out,"Hand over the bear."

Michael shook his head.

She narrowed her eyes, looking at him with a warning expression,"Hand it over or I will give you detention. You can get it back at the end of class."

"He said no," A voice snapped. 

Recognizing it, Michael smiled weakly as Ashton stood up and glared at her. She was surprised, seeing as Ashton was a very responsible and good student. Michael could see he was a little reluctant, though. His fingers fidgeting, like he was afraid to stand up for him, but knew it was the right thing to do in his mind.

The teacher pinched the bridge of her nose and grumbled,"Whatever. Just -- turn it off or something."

He nodded instantly, unsure of how to turn it off though. While she walked to the front of class, Ashton sat down and he glanced back at Michael. The green-haired boy smiled, mouthing 'thank you' and Ashton simply shrugged. He gave Michael a small wink and turned forward.

A weird feeling was arising. Not love or lust or butterflies; just friendship. As weird and cheesy as it sounded, Michael thought this moment was a step forward in their friendship. He can now trust Ashton and if Ashton ever needed him, he will be there. Like he always has been.

Later on in class, the teacher didn't seem pleased when Ashton rose his hand every time he answered. But, as he did, Michael's heart dropped. Ashton's sleeve fell, his bandages and a few cuts revealed. No one else seemed to notice, hopefully, but Michael did.

So, for the rest of the day, those marks were on his mind. The fact that they were so deep and noticable. He's surprised no one else saw, though that is a good thing. Still, it hurt. And he felt so heartbroken when seeing them, while Ashton casually pulled his sleeve down as if it was an instinct.

If anyone knew about instincts to hide things, it was Michael.

-

Later that day, Calum was glaring at Luke. They were in the hall and Luke was chatting to someone. Calum didn't know who it was, but it wasn't Ashton. The guy wasn't flirting with Luke, thankfully. But, it just annoyed Calum that Luke didn't even look sad about him and Ashton breaking up.

It was like nothing happened. He could be in denial. When Calum did try yelling at him earlier, Luke broke down a little. He seemed like he was hiding something. He wasn't there last night, so he doesn't know exactly how Luke reacted. Whatever happened, Calum knew Luke was probably going to get worked up over it eventually.

Luke has a tendancy to push his feelings away and then let them all out at once. Sort of like Calum. Except, Calum never truly breaks down. The only time he did was when he tried jumping and ending it all. He's been okay recently, he just needs to work on his insomnia and coming out.

Speaking of, Calum was chatting with his track teammates. They haven't forgiven him for Calum ditching them, but they were being decent towards him. They would joke about the boys, though. He didn't like people messing with his fellow misfits, but he couldn't say anything.

So, he would just nod and smile and maybe chuckle as if it was funny. It wasn't, though. They were really cruel and Calum hated it. Sort of like how they were now. Calum didn't see, but suddenly he heard the guys laughing. He turned in confusion, seeing Michael had tripped down the stairs and dropped his things.

Calum frowned, going over to help. He then halted, remembering he couldn't be around Michael. Despite how embarrassed his boyfriend was, Calum stayed back. His friends didn't, however, and they laughed while walking over to the boy who was trying to pick up his books.

One of the guys laughed, walking backwards,"Ha, nice job faggot! Seems like you spend a lot of time getting down on your knees."

"Bend over, cocksucker! You like it up the ass, I heard," The other snickered, shoving Michael down as he stood up and smirked when Michael fell.

A pained expression was clear on Michael's face. He rubbed his wrist that was still hurt and probably more now. While the guys were laughing, Michael looked towards Calum with a hopeful and hurt expression. He looked embarrassed, seeing people laughing at him.

And Calum wanted so badly to stand up for him. To pick up Michael, dust him off and kiss him right in front of everyone. Because, that's every gay guys fairytale dream. While girls (who are straight) dream to be swept off their feet by a prince, all a gay guy wants is a boyfriend who isn't afraid to kiss him in public.

Sadly, life isn't a fairytale. The bell rang, Calum not sparing a glance as he ran down the hall to get away from everyone. His head was done and he felt so guilty. He just left his boyfriend. Who was hurt on the ground and in pain and being bullied by his so-called friends. He definitely won the award for best boyfriend. Note the sarcasm.

Before he could smack himself, there was a hand grabbing his arm. He was surprised to see Michael with his bag and a most-likely sprained wrist. Michael was staring at him with a trembling lip and wide green eyes. It hurt to look at him like this, so betrayed and ashamed.

Michael asked quietly, voice wavering,"W-Why didn't you help me? You're my...you're my boyfriend."

"I know, sweetheart. I know," Calum whispered, not wanting to risk anyone overhearing. He placed his hand delicately on Michael's cheek, brushing his thumb across the smooth skin. "Trust me, I know. I just -- I need more time. A few more weeks is all. Just...a few more weeks."

"It's a-almost three months." Calum noted that, keeping the date in mind. Suddenly Michael smacked his hand away, glaring at him,"D-Don't touch me. I want out! N-No more hiding."

The sudden change in mood caught Calum off guard. He hesitated, feeling pressured. Calum pleading softly,"Please, Michael. Kitten, don't do this to me. I can't force myself to come out as gay yet. I don't know what I am, I need more time to figuring it out."

"S-Say you're Michael's boyfriend. Y-You're either my boyfriend or not," Michael said simply, crossing his arms stubbornly.

The warning bell went off again. Calum glanced up at the bell, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. He leaned back against the wall, seeing how serious Michael was. He wasn't letting them break up. They've been together for so long and it would be so stupid to break up.

But, he didn't want to come out. He couldn't handle it, seeing how the others all get bullied and ridiculed for being gay. He didn't want to deal with all of that. There's only a few more months of school. They should just wait until then, however it seemed like Michael wasn't keen on the idea.

Noticing how hesitant he was, Michael frowned,"Why a-are you so ashamed? A-Am I not good enough? Please. I-I'll be there for you. So will Lashton." A timid smile formed on Calum's lips at the ship name Michael made for them. Michael looked at him with hopeful eyes,"Please, f-for me?"

His eyes were so hypnotizing and Calum felt the urge to just scream out he's gay. But, he couldn't. Calum took his hand from where Michael grabbed it. The hopeful expression dropped from the boy's face instantly. Calum went to speak, to apologize, but Michael just rushed down the hall.

Calum groaned, kicking the locker near him in frustration. A person looked at him like he was crazy. Calum just sneered at her, causing the girl to jump and run away like a scaredy cat. He rolled his eyes, angrily going down the hall and to his last class for the day.

It was gym class with Luke and he couldn't focus nor did he want to. He regrets it, but he knew he wouldn't be able to come out. The fear was more towards the school than his family. But, why should he come out? Straight people don't come out, so gay people shouldn't have to.

But, this was more about Michael. Calum couldn't handle the thought of them fighting. They never fight. They have small fits and will argue or ignore each other, but nothing like this. He felt like his heart was broken, scared him and he didn't want them to break up. They can't.

Towards the end of the school day, Calum was freaking out as he headed towards the S.O.S room. He was worried about how everything was going to play out. However, as he walked into the room, he saw Ashton practically sobbing as he sat in a chair and had his head buried in his arms.

Calum rushed over, crouching down and went to speak. But, Ashton just shoved a phone in his face before he could get the words out. Confusion filled him, but he slowly took the phone. His eyes widened, seeing a picture of Ashton's arm raised and he could see the bandages and blurry lines on his arms where his cuts were. The picture was on instagram and caption read;

'looks like the nerd has some secrets. Too mad he didn't bother hiding them. What an attention seeker, lol.'

Calum was surprised, seeing over seventy people have liked it. Seeing this was disgusting. Do people really find this funny? That Ashton hurts himself? Before he could think it through, someone walked in and he turned to see Luke walking in. The blonde looked over, gasping when seeing Ashton quietly sobbing in his knees.

The sound caused Ashton's head to snap up. His eyes were bleamed over with tears. Ashton frantically grabbed his bag, sniffling as he tried getting his phone from Calum. However, Calum was showing Luke the picture. Ashton looked at him in disbelief, shoving him out of the way and snatching the phone.

Luke stood there in shock and anger. Someone took a picture of Ashton's cuts? Who would do that? He ran a hand through his hair, hearing Calum say,"Go after him! Before he does something stupid!"

"He hates me, Calum! We're broken up, he doesn't want to see me!" Luke exclaimed, panicking as he chewed his nail nervously and looked towards where Ashton ran off to.

However, Calum glared and roughly pushed him towards the door,"We don't have time for this! He needs you right now, it doesn't matter if you're together or not! Show him you care and fucking make sure he doesn't -- just go! I'll handle Michael, okay? We'll find out who did this."

Luke nodded quickly, grabbing his bag and he ran after Ashton. He looked down the hall, sighing as he saw it was empty. He went outside, gulping slowly at the blurred out parking lot. It was literally pouring down rain and he contemplated getting a jacket, but he didn't care at the moment.

Luke quickly tried finding him, stepping in the rain and was instantly drenched with water. He groaned, but just sighed and called out Ashton's name. There was no response and he winced as thunder boomed. Luke nervously called his name again, frowning as he squinted to find the fringe-haired boy.

He could feel his heart slamming in his chest, worried when Ashton didn't appear. It was scary, because Ashton couldn't possible be home already and he wasn't responding. He's either ignoring Luke or something happened and Luke could be overreacting. 

But, considering the whole school basically knows Ashton cuts himself, he probably wasn't. Ashton was already suicidal and from what he's heard about last night, he didn't want to think about what's happening. He was already freaking out and this wasn't good.

As he went to go back inside and ask for help from the boys, Luke's eyes darted towards where Ashton was. He rushed over, nearly slipping in mud. But, then he sighed in relief and saw Ashton was holding a deflated balloon. Luke gulped nervously, seeing Ashton was reading the wet piece of paper that he knew read 'I cheated on the one person I love'. 

Luke hesitantly sat down next to Ashton. His pants were probably ruined but he didn't care. Ashton felt his presence, instantly trying to leave. Ashton flinched when Luke grabbed his arm. He stiffened, Luke standing up and hand still wrapped around Ashton's wrist which was tender from his cuts.

He loosened his grip, saying over the rain,"Ashton, talk to me. Please, just -- are you okay? I know you're not. But, I don't know what to say! Stay with me, bug. I...I'm worried. Just let me comfort you."

"No! I-I can't! You're making this worse," Ashton exclaimed, avoiding the look Luke gave him. "We're not together anymore, just leave me alone! I can handle this on my own. It's just a stupid picture and a stupid bitch who is trying to ruin my life. I'm not letting them, so go away. I'm -- I'm okay."

There was his lie.

Luke shook his head slowly, seeing how Ashton was trying so hard to be strong. He sighed, pulling Ashton by his hand and the boy's drench shirt slapped against Luke. Ashton broke down, letting out dry sobs as he clung to Luke, tightly wrapping his arms around the blonde.

The sound of his cries made Luke's heart break. Luke gulped slowly, slowly hugging him back and he pressed kisses to Ashton's head with his own tear-filled eyes. Just seeing Ashton like this was terrible. He held him tighter, clinging onto him as well as thunder erupted again. Closer.

However, Ashton soon pulled away not long after. He shook his head, saying with a strained voice,"N-No. You're manipulating me! You can't just comfort me when I'm sad and expect us to be okay. We're done, okay? I-I'm not gonna let you take advantage of me when I'm vulnerable."

"That's not what I was trying to do," Luke said in disbelief, walking after Ashton in the pouring rain.

Ashton scoffed, turning to him and shouted,"Stop following me! We're done, you're not my boyfriend anymore! Stop acting like you are! Just stop. Goodbye, Luke."

At the sound of his voice drifting and fading from the rain, Luke watched. He saw Ashton disappear down the street and out of his presence. Luke felt a lump form in his throat. He felt his heart shatter at the truthful words. They're not together, he can't comfort Ashton anymore. He couldn't be there for him.

The words were there in the back of his mind. He knew what to say, but he couldn't find the words to speak them. Luke felt weak all of a sudden. He could feel his legs tremble and he slowly broke down. He sat there in the wet grass, burying his face in his hands and he let go. He let the emotions run free as he cried in the rain.

It wasn't till a couple minutes later that he realized he was in denial this whole time. He didn't even understand how hurt he was till Ashton spoke the words he dreaded hearing. He was broken and lost. Literally, no one in sight. And he never knew he was truly alone till now.

Ashton wasn't with him anymore, his parents were arrested, Michael hated him for cheating and Calum always hated him. No one cared about him anymore. One stupid mistake ruined it all. And he didn't notice till now. Till everyone he cared about was gone and he was left alone in the pouring rain.


	33. Chapter 33

There was a ticking. On and off, same beat and time between each. Two seconds. Luke counted them. He couldn't stop. Every second that passed felt like hours and he was just staring. That's all he could do, all he could control. Everything else was in the hands of another person and everyone but him.

Is it possible to not be able to think for yourself? Sometimes Luke believes there's another person inside his mind and making him do stupid things. Sadly, he knew deep inside it's just him. He can never seem to think for himself without messing everything up. He can't do anything right lately.

Because of his own decisions he made himself, he was alone. Literally, he was home and sitting on his bed. Is it even his bed? It's really not. It's not his house, he didn't own the place. It's Calum's parent's place. Everything seems to revolve around Calum, now that he thought about it and he really can't stand that.

He saved Calum's life not too long ago. Now, Calum saved his theoretically. Because of Calum, Luke is away from his parents and has a home and people who care about him. However, he doesn't feel like Calum's parents like him. They pity him and want to use him as their little charity case, he can just tell it's true.

Luke was hurt and he lost everything.From his parents, to his home, to his boyfriend and now he lost his friends. Everyone hates him. Ashton isn't with him anymore, he doesn't even spare a glance at him. Luke was so attached to being with Ashton. Now, with them apart, it's like he was the small weight that crashed him down.

Despite not liking Calum as much as the others, he was still apart of Luke's life. His judgment meant a lot and Calum was right. He was right about everything; from the weed to the blaming others -- he was just right. His words hurt Luke more than anything, but the truth just hurts in general, though needs to be faced.

Lastly, Michael.

God, Michael was Luke's everything. Despite Ashton being his love, Michael was his life. Which, to some people may sound bad, but friends are always before partners. He still loves Ashton more, however. The feelings are different. Michael's been there longer, so the fact that Michael doesn't exactly like Luke at the moment hurt a lot.

They're always there for each other and now he isn't. Luke didn't know what to do anymore. He was lost and scared. His heart was pounding and he just hurt all over. Not just mentally, but physically. He wanted so badly to make the pain go away. But, emotional pain seemed to be permanent.

He gulped slowly, taking a swig of his beer and was drunk. He paced the bedroom, breathing heavily as he felt his body begin to feel weak. He was just so tired. He didn't know anything anymore. He thought it was all the same. That his friends understood his pain reliever. He knew it was wrong, but so is cutting. So is starving yourself. So is staying in the closet and forcing yourself to be someone you're not while losing sleep constantly.

It's all self-harm, depending on how you use it.

After a few minutes, Luke finished his beer. He could hear someone pulling in the driveway. Luke shook his head, stumbling down the stairs in a hurry. He saw it was Calum and knew he could do something. He couldn't let Calum stop him. He needed to do this. He needed a couple minutes, just a couple. 

Luke frantically went over to the door, locking it and grabbed a chair from the dining room. He stuck it under the doorknob, then ran over to the garage door in the kitchen. He felt tears falling, knowing this was stupid, but he couldn't help it. He was just done. He was sick of suffering in the past when he doesn't even want a future.

He could hear Calum rattling the handle. Luke took a breath, opening the door to the garage and he was happy that carbon monoxide didn't have a smell. Luke stumbled a bit, drunk as he walked towards the car. Being drunk, he forgot to shut the door and tripped on his way to the car. He didn't care. He just wanted to be gone.

This is the only painless way to die. By sitting in a garage, in a car, full of carbon moxide. It only takes a few minutes. Luke smiled at the thought, struggling to open the cardoor and grinned when doing so. He sighed happily and crawled in the backseat, laying down to hopefully fall asleep and never wake up.

However, a loud bang was heard. Luke sat up, eyes wide and rushed towards the door. He attempted to close it, only for Calum to gasp as he saw Luke's frantic state. He wasn't stupid. Calum looked towards the car, seeing the doors open and the car was turned on.He felt his heart drop, noticing Luke's face was a little red.

Calum instantly grabbed the boy and tried pulling him inside. When Luke tugged away, Calum shouted with a glare,"Luke, get your ass inside right now! What the hell are you doing? Don't be stupid! Get in!"

"N-No! Leave me aloneee!" Luke whined, clumsily trying to get away as he felt tears falling. "Let me go! I -- I wanna die, Calum. Be nice, just-- just let me go! You don't care about me anyways.Now you can -- you can have your own room again, yay! No more Hemmings in the Hood household, everyone can be happy again."

Tears sprang to Calum's eyes, looking towards the car and held his breath as he quickly rushed over, turning off the car. Luke didn't seem pleased, seeing Calum opening the garage door. He ran over, trying to smack Calum's hand away. But, Calum smacked a hand over his mouth, trying to lead Luke out of the garage as the doors opened. 

But, Luke bit him. Calum let out a pained sound, though kept his hand there. As he tugged the blonde from the garage, he felt slightly woozy but he knew he would be okay. He would need to be in the garage for a few minutes before it could effect him terribly. Hopefully Luke wasn't in there for too long. Judging by the fact that he's alive, he figured he's okay.

However, when sitting on the porch, Calum was confused at the silence. He turned, eyes widening when seeing Luke trying to hold his breath. Like he was attempting to kill himself by having no oxygen. Calum nearly rolled his eyes, knowing it was impossible to die that way. But, he was too upset and worried to be annoyed.

Calum smacked Luke across the face, making the boy wince. The hit made Luke snap into reality a bit. He sat there for a second, Calum staring at him with a held gaze. He held back a sob, chewing his nails as he watched Luke. He wasn't aware the boy was hurting this much. Enough to kill himself and Luke seemed so willing to do it.

Not only was Michael not wanting to get better or Ashton trying to bleed to death -- Luke was just as sad. Why didn't Calum notice? He's been hating on the guy for so long, not aware that he was hurting too. All he's done is judge him when in reality, he was just in the same amount of pain as everyone else.

Everything was okay. Ashton was two weeks clean of cutting, Michael seemed happy, Calum was getting use to living with Luke and Luke was smiling. But, since school started back up after break, everything went downhill. They're back at square one, only this time, Luke was the one trying to kill himself instead of Calum.

Calum shook his head, hearing Luke crying next to him. How does he comfort his friend without being a hypocrite? Maybe he should tell his parents. But, he knew if he did that then it would only make things worse. They might try to send Luke to get help and from what he's heard, getting help doesn't really help for some people and it can make things worse.

So, he sat there. He waited for the garage to air out and he hesitantly wrapped an arm around Luke's shoulder. Calum gulped slowly as Luke clung to him, sobbing into his chest with the smell of alcohol on him. It was a deja vu moment. Everything from before was coming back and Calum was at lost of words.

Which is why he just did what Luke did to make him feel better. 

He held the blonde who he hated more than anything, yet somehow loved like a brother. Luke sniffled, practically crawling in his lap and tightened his grip around Calum. The action took Calum by surprise, however he relaxed and just rubbed the boy's back as Luke gasped in between choked sobs, working himself up a bit.

Calum soothed, repeating words that Luke told him,"Everyone has flaws. You me, Michael and Ashton - we’re all just a club of misfits." Luke tensed and Calum continued weakly,"I don't know what made you sad. I don't understand why this suddenly happened. But, I'm here for you. Even if I act like I hate you, I don't. I--I envy you, Luke. I get jealous a lot."

"O-Of me?" Luke asked in confusion, frowning as he pulled back and looked at his friend.

When asked this, Calum nodded reluctantly and said,"You're all Michael talks about. You're all Ashton talks about. You're all my parents talk about, Luke! And, I guess I just was so sick of hearing your name. About how everyone loves you and that you're the nicest person ever. But, you know what? They're right. I..I love you, okay? We're brothers now and I can't let my brother die."

"It...It's just really hard for me," Luke gulped slowly, voice still slurred but he sobered up some."I dunno. Everything just crashed down on me all of a sudden. I'm just so stupid and I do stupid things and I hate everything. Like, I kissed someone while I'm dating Ashton. I love Ashton so much. I just want him and I want Michael to be my friend and I hate my parents so much. They're so cruel and I must have done something wrong since they hate me. Maybe my mum's right, I was just a mistake."

Calum's attention was caught and he told Luke sternly,"Don't ever say that! You're not a mistake. You're amazing and Ashton loves you, too. He loves you a lot. Wanna know how I know?" Luke just looked at him. "Because, he looks at you like and his eyes just shine. He see's the sun, Luke. I can tell he does, that's how much he loves you."

A timid smile formed on Luke's lips and he glanced down at his hands. Then blushed when realizing he's still on Calum's lap. The two chuckled a bit, though they were slightly forced. Just because they talked didn't make everything okay. Luke still tried to do it and almost accomplished killing himself. That's not okay.

Calum was afraid to leave him alone, so he had to drag Luke everywhere. He made sure the car was turned off and then took Luke up to his room. He noticed all the beer bottles were scattered, the room was a wreck and he didn't understand how Luke got beer. He's underage and his parents don't drink.

Either way, he took care of Luke that night. He waited in the bathroom as Luke showered, face to the wall and made sure he wasn't going to drown himself or something. Luke seemed annoyed but Calum was just worried. He's allowed to worry. Despite Luke being mad, Calum laid next to him all night and stayed up to make sure he was asleep. Just like he did with Ashton.

Speaking of.

While Luke was trying to kill himself, Ashton was trying to find the items to prevent him from wanting to die. He was pacing much like his ex-boyfriend was only hours ago. He was sobbing, letting the music drown out the sounds so his parents and siblings didn't hear while trying to search for his blades.

His parents just yelled at him, his mum nearly slapped him and Ashton was so over it all. He wasn't usual one to think of suicide. What he did with Calum, meaning when he said he wanted to die, was really just an in the moment thing. He usually doesn't want to die. He wants to leave his house, not life.

His self-harm was his way to release pain without running away or ending it all. It was a small release and now he can't find his release. He felt his fingers twitch slightly, wanting the blade in his hand. He just needs it. He craves it. Ashton nearly screamed when seeing they weren't in the cupboard or his bathroom nor in his drawers.

Who took them? Someone took them! He let out a sob, feeling like the room was practically on fire and he was sweating a bit. Ashton's chest heaved as he slowly sat down, trying to calm down. He took off his shirt, needing to cool down. He couldn't, though. He needed something -- anything to let out his feelings. He needs to cut, to make pain on his body and he couldn't.

His stomach was hurting, chest aching and he felt like he was going to have a heart attack. Ashton couldn't stop shaking and he nearly passed out by how many tears he shed. It was too much. He couldn't calm down on his own. He need someone, but his parents don't care and he couldn't mutter a simply word by how difficult it was to breathe or swallow, trying to gasp for air.

It went on for two hours. Two hours of nonstop pain and wanting to do anything to make it stop. He hasn't taken his medication in quite sometime and Ashton was suffering as he laid in, breathing slowly calming and body weak. He was so weak. Ashton clenched onto his pillow, finally able to breathe as he lulled himself to sleep with tears staining his cheeks.

-

None of the boys wanted to go to school the next day. Sadly, life isn't in favor of them. Calum and Luke had a track meet while Ashton's parents will never let him miss a day of school and Michael couldn't speak to his aunt, unable to form words from being overly sad. So, she insisted he went and Michael couldn't argue.

Since the night before, Luke felt awkward around Calum. He was itching for a cigarette to smoke and Calum noticed. He found Luke's cigarettes and threw them out. It was a lot to do but it was worth it in the end. Calum was inexperienced with this but hopefully he can stop Luke before he's too addicted. Since he just started a couple months ago and only had a few, Calum can hopefully make it stop before it's too late.

He tried talking to Luke about last night, but their friendship just isn't right. They're not in their position of a friendship to say much. Maybe Calum can tell Michael what happened, but that seemed wrong. However, Michael is like Luke's brother. Does he deserve to know? Luke didn't tell anyone about Calum trying to commit He shouldn't do the same.

Either way, Michael isn't talking to Calum at the moment. Which really sucks, because Calum just wants everyone to be happy. He wants to be happy himself. The club was helping and now it's just a pain to go to. They cancelled a couple meetings since Samantha joined. It wasn't worth it anymore and everyone just wants to quit it already.

As Calum went to his locker, he noticed Maya not too far away. Calum sent her a small smile, glancing to where Luke was and let out a breath of relief that he wasn't too far away. He was trying to keep an eye on him. It was scary to know how Luke almost died. Now he knew how Luke felt when he almost jumped.

Calum sighed, going to shut his locker but winced as he felt himself be slammed against the locker. He turned, only to be shoved again and again. Calum's breath hitched, seeing Ashton glaring at him and before he could speak, Ashton was shouting and roughly pushing him,"Where did you put them?! W-Where are they? Why did you take them away?! You can't just -- You can't just take them away from me!"

The hallway was silent, Ashton staring at Calum with an angered expression. Everyone was staring and Calum panicked, grabbing Ashton's arm lightly to move him into a quiet place. But, Ashton smacked his arm away with a trembling hand. The action caught Calum off guard once again, seeing as Ashton is rarely violent.

"Ashton, calm down," Calum said quietly, nervously looking at the people around.

However, Ashton just asked in anger,"Where the hell did you put them?! Why did you take them?! I need them, Calum! You don't understand, I -- I just need them! P-Please, give them back to me!"

"I threw them away," Calum snapped, knowing exactly what Ashton was talking about.

Ashton shook his head rapidly,"No, no, no. Get me more, please. Get me more!"

As Calum tried calming him down, teachers were walking out of the rooms and Calum frantically grabbed Ashton's arm and tugged him away. A few people were laughing, saying words like 'attention-seeker', 'freak', and 'weirdo' along with the typical emo insults. Ashton blocked them away, struggling against Calum's grip.

He tried shoving him away and Calum whispered hastily once they were alone under the stairs in the back of the school,"Listen to me, okay? You don't need them. I'm here for you and Luke is and Michael is. Don't force yourself to think you need to...do that. You have us and we have you, right?"

"N-No, you don't understand," Ashton's breath quickened, gulping slowly and he tugged on his sleeves as he stepped back. "When I say I need them I mean it. I can't just stop like that! You think taking them away will help? I can find worse, I can hurt more than before! I'll find a way and it could hurt more. I can get a knife or-or a box-cutter. I was trying to prevent that and you took them away from me and my mum has all the razors in her room -- God, this is why I shouldn't have said anything!"

The words cut deep and Calum was speechless. Was Ashton actually insisting Calum gave him blades to hurt himself? Saying he'll do it anyways? He knew Ashton was addicted, but this is just terrible. He looked at the boy in shock, seeing how panicked he really was from not hurting himself. It was just crazy.

Before Calum could speak, Ashton just walked off once the bell rang. He left with his head down, ashamed as people started teasing him all the way to class. Not everyone were jerks, though. Some gave him pitiful stares while a couple others actually seem concerned, maybe being decently nice people.

As Calum went to his next class, he was silent and not looking up nor speaking to anyone. He couldn't. He was overwhelmed and just constantly thinking. About Ashton, Michael and Luke. Practically shaking from the anticipation running through his veins. He needs to help them, but he didn't know why.

They were all so broken and he didn't know how to fix them. However, maybe it's because he can't. You can't fix what isn't shattered. Right now, they're cracked and the only way to put them back together is to break them apart. He couldn't do that. Luke was already shattered, so he can help Luke. Then, they can help Ashton and Michael.

However, Calum is secretly broken as well. He just hides it well. He doesn't want to complain and he doesn't want to whine. He wants to help. For him to help himself first, he needs to fix his problems before they get worse like his friends. He was slowly trying to accept himself and find ways to help his insomnia.

With that in mind, Calum leaned back in his chair. He glanced at the teacher, frowning while looking at his phone and saw the picture of Michael that his boyfriend sent. He smiled slightly, wishing he could talk to him. Maybe Michael will show up to the track meet. He really hoped so or else he would know Michael won't be okay with him staying in the closet.

Meanwhile, later that day, Luke sat alone in the back of the school during lunch. He knew sitting with the boys wouldn't go well. They weren't even sitting together anyways. Ashton was who knows where, Michael was probably in the library like he use to be and Calum was with his jock friends from the track team.

Luke frowned, leaning against the wall and blinked up at the grey sky. It's his first track meet today. He should be happy and pumped for doing mid-distance running. He let his fingertips trace over the brickwall as he sighed sadly. This isn't how he wanted to spend his last year of school; laying outside without anyone, not even Michael.

He was content with his old life. Maybe he shouldn't have suggested doing the S.O.S club. All it seemed to have done is making everything worse. Now, all the boys are probably having a terrible life because of him. He wanted to do something good and all he did was break three important people in his life.

However, as he thought about it more, the club did seem to help somewhat. Though Ashton is cutting still, he probably did a lot more before. He also was happy a lot whenever they weren't fighting and he smiled true smiles. Michael has a boyfriend, even though they are fighting. And, he has been talking more. Also, Calum isn't as much of a jerk and understands people more.

But, what about Luke? Has he become better or worse? Before, he wasn't smoking and he wasn't drinking (much, at least) and he wasn't hanging out with a crew of drug addicts. Maybe he's the only one who ended up worse than before. Though his parents are gone, the memories are still there and he's stuck in a life he can't get out of. 

Suddenly, there was a voice saying,"You look like you need a smoke."

Luke glanced up, scoffing as Mitch smirked a bit. It wasn't his real smirk, however, and Luke noticed. The blonde mumbled,"I'm done smoking. My boyfriend hates it." He then added,"I mean, ex-boyfriend."

"Oh, you and the nerd broke up?" Mitch said, not even flirting or anything. He stayed in his spot and looked curious rather than happy like Luke expected. He just nodded and the guy gave him a sad smile,"I saw the pictures on instagram -- of the cuts, I mean. I didn't know he hurt himself. I wouldn't have been so harsh on you guys and trying to get with you if I um, knew he did that."

"He doesn't like people treating him differently just because he inflicts pain on himself," Luke said blankly, not wanting to show signs of weakness towards the guy. He then stood up and grabbed his bag, glaring at him. "And, you have no room to talk! it's your friends who posted the picture! Do you know how much Ashton hurts himself? B-Because it's a lot and it's scary and I can't have him doing that. Those pictures are terrible and whoever posted them, out of your friends, is a jackass!"

Mitch exclaimed as Luke walked away,"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry Samantha kissed you and...and I'm sorry I told her to do it!"

Luke halted. He felt himself inhale sharply as he turned to see Mitch looking at him in guilt. The guy had tears in his eyes, nervously looking at Luke who just stared at him. He had no thoughts in mind at the moment. He shouldn't be surprised, but he was and he had no words and nothing to say. He was speechless.

Before he could respond, Mitch continued regretfully,"Y-You had all this friends. You were just so happy. And it wasn't because of me? And you were gone all break and I never saw you, not that I really expected to. But, then I saw you and Ashton kissing and it hurt. I knew you wouldn't let me in the club, so I overheard Calum saying Michael was his boyfriend and I told Sam to join the club."

Luke blinked slowly, gaping slightly as Mitch added,"I told her to flirt and to take you away, then I said to kiss you. I knew you wouldn't kiss back unless you were like drunk or something. And, I figured one of the guys would walk out to find you and would see it. But, the kiss wasn't enough and I was so mad when you were yelling at me the other day. So, I asked -- I asked Sam to do something else. I didn't think she would take a picture of his -- I didn't think she would do something like that."

"You -- You crazy and obsessed bitch!" Luke's voice wasn't even loud, just so full of betrayal as he scowled at the guy. 

But, Mitch pleaded,"I'm so sorry! I regret it so much, before she posted it, I didn't know what it was! I wanted her to stop but she wouldn't. She's the crazy one, Luke. I was just jealous. I can talk to Ashton if you want and --"

"No, you did enough," Luke said with a disappointed look on his face.

As he turned, he could hear Mitch repeatedly apologizing and Luke blocked it out. He went inside and he didn't think twice before walking to his first class early. His teacher didn't ask why he was there. She noticed his tears and just nodded when he asked to stay there for lunch. Luke sat in the back and stared at his hands.

He couldn't believe Mitch would do something like that. The guy was always trying to be with him and he knew Mitch liked him a lot, but not enough to betray him. Not to where Mitch would go behind his back and try to break him and Ashton up. He never would have expected that, however maybe he should have.

All the boys kept saying Mitch was a bad person. But, as Luke thought about it more, was Mitch really a bad person or did he just make a bad decision? There are never really bad people in the world. At least, not in Luke's opinion. His mind works to where all he see's is good people who make terrible mistakes and stupid decisions. 

The bell soon rang. Luke sat in his seat, waiting and his teacher looked at him with a quick smile. He smiled weakly back, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands. Soon, the classroom filled with students and yet, as the class began, Luke still felt like he was the only person in the room surrounded by emptiness.

He felt so alone in a room full of people.

-

It was later that day at the track meet. At first, Calum and the guys did two laps around the track while the bleachers filled with people. They then did some warm ups and chatted quietly until it was time for the first event of people to go. Calum was looking around the bleachers in case Michael showed up. 

He texted Michael earlier that day, asking if he can be there for him. Guilting his boyfriend to come was a rude thing to do, now that he thought about it considering he added a frowny emoji, but he really wanted to see if Michael really would show up. It was like a test to see if their relationship was still going well. Or going at all.

Since Michael said 'you're either my boyfriend or not' then Calum stepped from him, he figured that was a silent break up. He really hoped not, he couldn't handle more bad news. After everything that's happened in the past couple days, he was really not up for a break up. Especially not from person he loves.

The word made him halt from where he went to run. He slowly walked towards the water that was laid out for them, taking the bottle with a frown. Did he really say love? He couldn't possible love Michael. That's crazy. He's never loved anyone before and there's no way he would love Michael. Not yet. They just got together.

It has been two months, though. It was November 21st when they got together. It's now January 20th and he couldn't believe they lasted so long. It wasn't that he didn't have faith in the relationship, he just didn't have faith in himself. To last so long in his first 'gay' relationship. It was amazing, though. That they lasted this long together and Calum wasn't bored or impatient with certain things they haven't done. He was proud of himself.

But, now he may have ruined everything. He didn't realize how stupid he's been acting. He could possibly be ruining their relationship because he's too afraid and a wimp to come out. Surely four months of liking Michael (a guy) isn't a long time when realizing he's bisexual or gay. Most gay people take longer to accept themselves, so it should be okay.

The only different is Calum is in a relationship and rushed into it. He doesn't regret it, if anything he's happy he did this. But, he didn't realize that he would need to come out eventually. Considering his circumstances, it's better to come out with the person he's dating rather than come out and say you lost someone because you were afraid.

As Calum thought this through, he sighed and looked up at the bleachers as the first event started. Then the second and the third. He was nervously watching as Luke ran. It was his first time and Calum watched, seeing he was ahead of the other competitors as people cheered him on, much to Calum's surprise.

Before he could watch anymore, he heard a familiar voice say,"So, your lovelife seems down."

He looked back, raising an eyebrow at Maya. The girl wore her hair in a high pony tail, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt with the words 'Fuck U' and then a middle finger. It was amusing and he remembered buying that with her last year when they were 'dating' and it was hilarious. Especially since her mum flipped shit.

Shaking the memories away, Calum scoffed while lying,"My love life is perfectly fine. I'll have you know everything is perfect at the moment."

"Oh really? Is that why he's up in the bleachers and not down here talking to you?" Maya retorted, motioning up with a glint in her eyes.

Confused, Calum looked up and nearly gaped when noticing his boyfriend sat where she stated. He nearly groaned, rubbing his face with his hand in frustration. Honestly, he thought Michael didn't show up. Since the meet started nearly an hour ago, he gave up on waiting for the guy and was really upset.

However, a smile soon formed on his face when realizing Michael is here. Surely he could be here for Luke, but since Michael wasn't a hundred percent pleased with the blonde, he figured it was for him. Calum noticed he wore the Scar shirt Luke got him for his boyfriend along with a coat and his heart leaped when seeing the Malum bear in the boy's arms.

Maya asked in confusion,"So, what did you do wrong?"

"Why do you think I did something wrong?" Maya raised her eyebrow sassily. Calum reluctantly sighed and he grumbled, leaning back on the railing,"He's upset cause I don't want to come out of the closet yet. It's just -- it's really complicated. I'm not ashamed of him. I'm really not...but, he thinks I am."

"Are you sure you're not?" Maya seemed sympathetic as she said,"Listen, you may say you're not ashamed of Michael, but maybe deep inside you are. I'm not accusing you, I'm just suggesting that perhaps you aren't ashamed but you're not proud to be dating him? And then there's the fact that he gets teased a lot, your 'friends' hate him and teammates are homophobic. I get why you're ashamed, but you need to prove you love him and try to push yourself out just a smidge."

"I thought it's better to walk out of the closet, not be shoved out,"Calum rolled his eyes.

Maya shrugged,"Think like Eminem; you're not coming out of the closet, you're just cleaning out your closet."

With that said, the girl smiled and walked away with a small skip in her step. As the meet went on Calum watched her for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. He knew she was right and her words stuck in his mind. Honestly, she had a point and he hated to admit it, but it's really true. 

Even if he's not ready, no one really is. Waiting will just make him have time for more excuses. If he comes out now and does it proudly, he may be happy with himself. At first it will be hard, but he'll have Michael. His boyfriend who he's so fond over. In the end, it will be worth it and he won't regret it. Because, even if he will get bullied, he's being himself and the truth is, Calum is gay. 

He's gay and now he's proud.

As the meet progressed on, Calum went for his events and he ran like the wind. He would occasionally glance at the bleachers and feel happy as he saw Michael watching him. He wasn't cheering and he wasn't standing. He was being Michael.

His cute and silent little selective mute boyfriend that was much more than that. He was the sun; the biggest star in the galaxy of Calum's life. He was everything yet nothing more than a beautiful boy who was too insecure for his own good. But, Calum loves him.

With that in mind, Calum panted and he drank the rest of his water slowly. The meet was ending, the tallies being added up from all the scores of each team. Calum looked over to where Michael was sat, then glanced down. He saw Luke with Coach Hood and watched as the person in charge grabbed his bullhorn.

The man walked over to the middle of the track. Calum waited anxiously, fidgeting with his fingers. The team sucked last year and they haven't won a meet in so long. However, Luke really did well and brought them a couple points from the events he was in. And soon the man was saying,"And the winner's are...!"

Suddenly, Calum was grinning as Luke gasped. They won. A beaming smile was on his face, rushing towards Luke as the two embraced quickly. They went over towards the man holding the trophy and Calum grabbed it, thanking him quickly and the whole team was cheering as they jumped on each other, hugging and patting each other's back.

While they did so, people started heading down from the bleachers to congratulation them. Seeing this, Calum noticed Michael was sneaking out. He was leaving and probably assumed Calum didn't know he was here. The boy hesitated, glancing at his team and the people around. There were so many.

However, he didn't care. In the moment, Calum knew it was right. He stepped away from the guys, shouting towards the boy,"Michael, wait!" The boy halted. Calum gulped slowly, eyes flickering towards Luke and then Maya, who smirked and nodded slowly. Calum gained a bit of confidence and he said loudly,"I..I love you! I'm so sorry! I just -- I love you, Michael. I love you so much."

A silence suddenly fell. And Michael slowly turned, sheepishly having his hoodie up and arms around the stuffed lion in his head. It was time and Michael was confused as Calum walked over. At first slow, then speeding up and suddenly he was pulling Michael into his arms, gripping his face softly and pressing his lips to the boy's.

Gasps and eruptions were heard. People mumbling in confusion as Michael froze under his touch, then slowly relaxed. It didn't matter that people were staring and his dad looked unsettled with this while the teammates who were homophobic were disgusted because he just loves Michael a lot.

Calum pulled away, lips lingering slightly as they brushed against Michael's. He whispered softly,"I-I love you so much."

Instead of replying, Michael just smiled, hugging him. Considering people were trying to talk to them and get all the information and some were being quite rude, Calum figured he should leave. Thankfully, his dad was just in shock and nodded when he asked if he could stay at Michael's for the night.

His dad just blinked when Calum said goodbye. It was rather upsetting that he didn't get a reaction from the man, but who can blame him? Not only did Calum just come out and announce he's dating a guy, but he also kissed said guy in front of his dad and the whole school along with most of the town. It was so quick and happened at once.

So, he understood. The ride to Michael's house was silent, like usual. Michael was just looking out the window, smiling to himself and Calum smiled and it was all so perfect. He was still nervous for school, but it's Friday and he figured it would be okay since he has a couple days to let it settle in and go okay.

When they got to the house, Michael was blushing as Calum opened the door for him. Apparently his aunt was out and usually that screams 'sex' but at the moment, it didn't seem right. So, Michael just led Calum into his room. Calum doesn't recall every being at Michael's house before and the boy showed him around.

As they entered Michael's room, Calum grinned and pulled the boy in for a kiss. However, Michael grimaced and said shyly,"Um, I-I would kiss. But, y-you smell."

"Oh wow, thanks," Calum scoffed, acting mad and Michael frowned. Because of this, Calum kissed him quickly and poked his nose lightly,"Don't frown, kitten. I'm just kidding. I'll go take a shower, can you like...?"

Michael giggled, nodding and took Calum's hand lightly. He led the smelly boy who's covered in sweat over to the bathroom. He showed him how it worked and then left him after giving him a pair of pajama pants along with a big shirt. Calum was only an inch taller or so, therefor they would fit quite well.

Or, so that's what he thought.

But, when Michael left, Calum took a shower. He rinsed off with green apple body wash along with some shampoo that smelled like butter pecans. It was so Michael. He smiled and was just really happy. He didn't think he would be spending the night at Michael's, but hey, he needed some happiness and knew Luke would be okay with his parents home. 

They always have dinner and family night, so Luke would probably be joining them instead of him. His dad would take the team out for a celebration and despite the team not liking Luke, Mitch was there and so he was probably chatting with him and being decent. Or, he was just chatting with his dad.

With that in mind, Calum rinsed off and got out of the shower. He dried off and changed, using the same boxers considering they weren't dirty too much and he only wore them from the morning time. However, when he changed, he frowned at how tight the pajamas were. They were sweatpants and the string was tied to where it's usually tight around a person's waist still, being double knotted.

But, Calum was concerned. This must be how small Michael really is. It didn't seem safe at all. He could barely get them up to his waist and when he did, they were really super tight. He grimaced, untying it and frowned at how much wider they needed to be. It was terrible and he sighed, shaking his head while putting the 'big' shirt on that was his normal size, but big to Michael.

Calum left, going into the bedroom and saw Michael was laying in bed. The track meet was really long, lasting six hours and so it was around eleven now. He was tired and apparently Michael was since he looked like he was about to pass out. He was cuddling the Malum lion and wore baggy pajama pants along with a long sleeve shirt while laying under the covers.

A small smile formed on Calum's face. Before he could ask, Michael scooted forward and Calum chuckled. He crawled up behind Michael, laying with his back to the wall and hesitantly wrapped his arm around Michael from behind. He spooned the boy, entwining their legs slightly and Michael was blushing fiercely. He was use to this, since him and Luke use to cuddle, but it's different with Calum.

Calum sighed contently, kissing the back of Michael's neck and whispered,"I love you, Michael. Sweet dreams."

There was no reply, Michael just moving his hand so they were placed over the Malum lion as well and Michael was entwining his fingers with Calum's. Calum frowned, noticing how Michael never said 'I love you' back. But, he tried not to let it get to him. Maybe Michael just can't say it because he's just nervous and can't speak in general about it.

As Michael fell asleep, Calum smiled at his cute breathing sounds and slowly let one hand move from Michael's. He let it slip under the boy's shirt, gulping slowly when feeling how small he is. He couldn't feel his ribs too much, but it was still worrying. He wasn't sure what to do, but he'll start being more concerned about it. He has to be.

For the first time in who knows how long,Calum was feeling comfortable. He was soothed by Michael's soft breathing, his warm body pressed about his and the atmosphere felt right. He slowly started drifting to sleep. Without pills, without Luke rubbing his back, without only getting three hours. He fell asleep with his boyfriend in his arms and he dreamed beautifully for nine hours.


	34. Chapter 34

It was probably the most romantic thing ever. Michael couldn't believe Calum said 'I love you' and meant it. He could tell his boyfriend was being sincere judging by his tone and the fact that he shouted it in front of the entire (practically) school with his dad and teammates there.

Michael didn't like that.

As sweet as it was, he would have preferred Calum telling him something that emotional and caring in person. It was a personal moment and everyone heard it. Seeing as Michael isn't exactly open with everything, especially his relationship and talking in general, he would have loved it more if Calum told him quietly with just a small kiss.

But, he wasn't going to be selfish. This was also Calum proving that he's proud to be with Michael. And, though he really didn't like how Calum let everyone else know the time he did, he appreciated it. He still couldn't believe Calum did that. He all seems to surreal to be true.

However, as he slowly opened his eyes with a sleepy expression, he blushed. Because, here he was in bed with his boyfriend and they were sleeping. Calum has his arms cradling Michael slightly and holding him to his chest, their legs entangled. He remembered them spooning, so he must have moved in his sleep.

A grin then formed on Michael's lip as he realized Calum was sleeping. Surely he could have just recently went to sleep, but he seemed so deep in it and like he has been resting for a while. Michael felt his heart flutter, realizing it was probably because of him. He didn't want to get his hopes up, however, and just figured Calum was exhausted from the track meet.

Michael smiled, shyly scooting closer to Calum and sheepishly bringing his hand up to brush a few strands of hair from Calum's peaceful face. He noticed Calum drooled slightly and grimaced, but then giggled as he quietly tried moving from his boyfriend's grip that was tighter than necessary. 

He finally made it out and nearly stumbled as he gripped his forehead. His vision went white for a second, slightly dizzy as he sluggishly walked to the bathroom. After the dizziness went away a bit, he smiled because he was use to it. That's the downside to being beautiful, there comes with a cost that can make you get headaches and dizzy spells.

Michael went to the bathroom before brushing his teeth and fixing up his hair. He washed his face and grimaced at his appearance. He was trying to be decent looking for when Calum woke up. This is their first morning together as a couple and he couldn't afford to lose his boyfriend because of morning breath and drool on his cheek. It's not attractive.

Unless you're Calum, of course.

Michael didn't mind how Calum looked in the morning, as long as he woke up next to him then it was fine. Not that he believed Calum was shallow and would dump him over something like that. But, anyone would dump Michael if they saw his even uglier face when waking up.

Which is why he fixed his appearance before slowly and sneakily crawling back in bed. He sighed contently tenderly grabbing Calum's arms with his small fingers and placing it back where it was laid across his waist. The movement caused Calum to grumble, holding Michael in a more tight grip.

And then, Michael enjoyed his morning with his boyfriend holding him tightly. It was only seven and Calum needed his sleep. So, Michael took out his phone and he texted Luke. He was always a morning riser and woke up earlier than most teens on a Saturday. In his defense, they did go to bed quite early. It was only eleven, so he got eight hours of sleep.

At first, Luke wasn't replying and so Michael just grabbed some earbuds and placed the buds in his ears, playing Ariana Grande as he cuddled closer to Calum. His warm body made Michael feel safe and loved. Having the heat of him close to Michael's. It was all too perfect and he really cared about Calum.

But, did he love him? Because, Michael wasn't sure. He doesn't know what love is. He's never been in love and it's such a strong word. Two months strong is a lot and he was proud to be with Calum for so long. To have him close and rarely fight with the boy. Because, though Michael can't talk all the time, he can communicate with expressions that Calum easily makes out.

He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that someone loves him. Especially his crush. It was crazy. But, he tried not to be so insecure. It's not attractive. No one wants to date an insecure person, it's just the truth. The constant whining about how ugly they are and that they don't deserve them isn't romantic. So, he wants to be confident for Calum and quit whining about not being good enough.

A beep was heard, Michael humming softly to 'Just a Little Bit of Your Heart' and replying to Luke's text. Surprisingly, the boy was up. Michael blushed when Luke asked if they 'did the freaky' and he let out a small laugh, replying 'no' and using a funny face emoji that always made him smile.

"What are you listening to?" 

Michael squeaked, nearly falling of the bed in surprise at the poking to his side. Calum quickly grabbed onto him and pulled him close, causing Michael to blush when their chests pressed against one another. He sheepishly looked at Calum, who grinned sleepily and kissed his forehead.

Calum said in a groggy voice,"Wow, I feel rebirthed. What time is it?"

Instead of speaking Michael just held up his voice to show the time. Calum's eyes widened, seeing it was eight o'clock. He wasn't surprised at the time, considering he usually wakes up around that time anyways. But, he was more shocked as he did the easy grade two math and realized he had nine hours of sleep.

Seeing his reaction, Michael smiled and shyly kissed his cheek before grimacing and wiping his lips from the drool. Calum apologized in embarrassment but Michael just said softly, taking Calum's hand as he grinned with bright eyes,"N-Nine hours, that's so long. S-So proud of you, love."

"Did you just call me love?" Michael nodded slowly and Calum playfully pinched his cheek,"Aw, aren't you just the cutest thing ever." Michael pouted and smacked his hand away jokingly, only for Calum to grab his and pull him close as he whispered,"And, you know what? I think I slept so long because I had my cuddly boyfriend in my arms."

His words caused Michael to nervously ask,"Would we need t-to sleep together more?"

"I would love to stay the night everyday, but I doubt we could actually do that. At least, not on weekdays. My parents are more strict since Luke moved with us," Calum shrugged, sitting up and stretching. He glanced at Michael's phone and saw Ariana Grande still playing, this time the song 'One Last Time'. 

But, then his eyes darted to where the date was and he grinned when seeing it was their two-month anniversary. Before wanting to announce it, since Michael probably hasn't checked the date yet, Calum quickly went to go get all freshened up. He could taste the bitter flavor of morning breath.

After getting all ready, finding an unused toothbrush Michael must have left out for him that was still in the packet, Calum felt better. He went out only to see Michael wasn't in the room. The sound of dishes cluttering was heard and Calum slowly walked into the kitchen, surprised to see Michael making what seemed to be french toast.

He furrowed his eyebrows, watching as Michael used a skillet to cook the french toast. He then frowned, noticing Michael was only make two pieces. He was hoping one was for each of them, but he knew Michael well enough to know that's not the truth. He wasn't going to eat.

Calum shook his head slowly, seeing Michael was changed into black skinnies and a white sweater. He decided to change as well and went into the room, going through Michael's clothes. However, he grimaced and saw a plastic bag that had a really old looking sandwich in it. This was worse than he thought.

Calum tossed the food out the window, knowing littering was bad but so is mold. He changed into one of Michael's sweatpants that were more appropriate if they ever went anywhere (though, if they did then he would go home and change) along with a band t-shirt from the group 'All Time Low'.

When Calum went into the kitchen, a fond expression covered his face. Michael had out his french toast with syrup poured on it and some eggs along with orange juice. Calum doesn't like orange jucie. However, he was going to drink it anyways since Michael went through all the trouble to make it perfect.

"H-Happy anniversary," Michael said with a small smile, shyly pushing the plate towards Calum. "Y-You like french toast, yes? And eggs? Luke said you eat it a-a lot."

Calum nodded slowly, noticing Michael hasn't stuttered much around him. He does, but usually he would more and he was speaking in complete sentences. A sense of joy filled Calum and he thanked Michael, pecking his lips quickly. However, instead of sitting with Calum, Michael went over and he cleaned the dishes. 

As Calum took a bite of his eggs, he frowned and saw how Michael was finicky around the food around him. He didn't understand what it was like to be anorexic. Calum loves food more than anything, except Michael of course. He couldn't go a couple hours without eating, let alone a day.

Calum asked,"Do you want to split the french toast?"

"No," Michael said without any hesitation.

He didn't turn, he just stopped everything he was doing. Like he knew Calum was going to ask. He shouldn't have made Calum breakfast. It was far too risky, but he wanted to be nice and polite. He couldn't stop Calum from eating just because he doesn't want to. Breakfast was obviously normal to him.

Instead of letting Michael get away with it, Calum stood up. He couldn't eat without Michael at least trying to digest something. It wasn't safe. Calum went over and he hesitantly stepped behind the boy. Michael's sweater was big and barely clung to his body. His skinny jeans were slightly baggy and it made Calum's heart hurt.

He lightly placed a hand on Michael's shoulder, his other on his waist and he leaned his chin on the opposite shoulder. He felt Michael tense under the touch before slowly relaxing. Calum smiled weakly, pressing his lips beneath Michael's ear. Goosebumps appeared on his skin when Calum pulled away.

Calum then wrapped his arms around Michael's waist with ease and he whispered pleadingly,"I love you, kitten. I can't -- you just worry me. You're so small and fragile." Michael frowned, not liking the words. He preferred petite and delicate. They were more beautiful than the negative words.

Your body is a resemblance of who you are and if this is who you are," Calum wrapped his fingers around Michael's wrist and his thumb and middle finger easily touched,"Then, I don't know how to help. I want to understand, so that I can help. All I know is you need to eat. Not for me, but for yourself."

Michael shook his head, eyes glancing towards the food. He hesitated before leaving, causing Calum to frown. Calum reluctantly went over to his french toast, taking a bite and heard footsteps. He saw Michael nervously walk in with a small notebook and a pen, much to his confusion.

When Michael sat next to him, he opened up the notebook and showed Calum the scrawled out words that resembled numbers, calories and food items. Along with a date from when they were eaten. Calum gulped slowly, glancing at Michael and the boy nodded. So, Calum took the notebook and he flipped through the pages, ignoring Michael as he fidgeted with his fingers apprehensively.

"So, you um, you write down everything you eat?" Michael nodded. Calum's eyes darted to the food on his plate and he sighed,"Well, a lot of people do that. I guess that's fine. But, this is so wrong, love. You can't only eat a hundred calories a day. That's very unsafe. It can -- it can kill you. You need to eat a least two thousand. I'll even accept a thousand. Just -- please."

Guilt filled Michael, seeing tears forming in his boyfriends eyes. He didn't want to hurt him. All he wanted to do was be perfect. He sighed, hesitantly taking Calum's fork from his hand. He scooted the plate in front of him, eyes staring at the calorie-filled food in front of him. 

He cant' remember the last time he ate something so delicious looking. He could hear his stomach silently growl, wrapping an arm around it to supress the sound. He poked the toast with his fork, feeling overwhelmed under Calum's stare that was beading into the back of his head.

Finally, Michael sliced a very small corner piece with no syrup by his fork. He shakily took a bite, chewing slowly and swallowing. Calum grinned and scooted closer, urging him to eat more. Michael felt sick. But, he knew it was just because he was nervous rather than full from the small bite.

He took another, still making sure there was no syrup. After three bites, he shook his head and smiled forcefully while scooting it towards Calum,"D-Done."

"Babe, that's not enough," Calum chuckled sadly, scooting the food back. Three bites, especially as small as those, were barely going to do anything. Michael needs to eat at least a full piece of the toast.

However, Michael narrowed his eyes and he stubbornly crossed his arms,"F-Full."

Calum didn't want to be rude or hurtful, but this was just pissing him off. All he wanted to do was help Michael. Not to mention, it's their anniversary. This was all he wanted for his anniversary was for Michael to get.

Due to the annoyance, Calum snapped,"Would you just eat?! Michael, please! It's not that much. I doubt you're actually full, so just eat the damn food already!"

His harsh tone made Michael flinch. A silence filled the room and the clattering sound of a fork on a plate was heard. A glare was on Michael's face and he angrily got up, stomping out of the kitchen. A few seconds later, a door slamming was heard and Calum was hoping it was the bedroom door.

The boy sighed in exasperation, ruffling his hair. He perched his elbows on the table, burying his face in his hands as he felt tears prickle his eyes. He was so frustrated. His boyfriend can't even eat more than three bites of bread? This was more serious than he thought and he was contemplating telling Michael's aunt but he knew if he did that, she wouldn't care. And if she did, she would take him away and it would only get worse.

After waiting a few minutes for Michael to cool off and Calum to do the same, he reluctantly got up. Calum slowly went over to the bedroom, knocking on the door gently. No answer was heard and he opened up, seeing Michael curled up in bed with earbuds in his ears and tears falling down his cheek while cuddling into the Malum lion.

A timid smile was on Calum's face when noticing Michael hasn't seen him walk in. He sat down, the bed dipping and causing Michael to look up. Calum placed a hand on Michael's leg, giving it a small squeeze and Michael sat up. Calum held his hand out and Michael smiled weakly, giving him an earbud.

Calum placed it in his ear, hearing the soft voice of Ariana singing 'Better Left Unsaid'. Honestly, he wasn't a big fan of the girl but he was aware that she was a great singer. It just wasn't his taste. But, Michael seemed to love her a lot and he could learn to love her more. Especially since they were going to the concert.

The reminder had Calum nudge Michael and he apologized, taking Michael's hand in his,"I'm sorry for being so harsh. I'm just still new to this, you know? I -- I don't like you not eating. I need you to get better. You need yourself to get better. Just because you haven't crashed and burned yet doesn't mean you won't. I want to prevent that and to do that, you need to help yourself."

Michael gulped slowly, shaking his head and he told Calum weakly,"I-I can't."

"You can if you try, you just have to believe in yourself," He replied. The words were cheesy, but true and he looked so hopeful at the boy. "It won't be easy, but we can all help you. All of the boys and definitely me."

Much to his dismay, Michael shrugged,"I don't w-want to try. I don't b-believe in myself."

A look of disbelief and worry crossed his face. He chewed his bottom lip, seeing Michael just twist and play with the soft fur of his bear. Calum narrowed his eyes and said,"Michael, you're my boyfriend. I'm not going to sit around and watch you slowly kill yourself. You deserve more than the crap you barely eat. You need to watch yourself. You're not ugly or fat or anything less than beautiful."

"Then why can't I s-see that?" Michael retorted, looking up at the boy with tear filled eyes. He sniffled softly, rubbing his eyes after snatching his hand from Calum. "E-Everyone says this. Well, you and the g-guys. But, why can't I see it? Why do I just see flaws? I can't find anything good about me!"

The fact that he didn't stutter made it worse. Like he was constantly saying and thinking those words to where he memorized them without a fail. His lip was quivering and his was so pale and so cold as Calum hugged him. Calum didn't know what to say anymore. Michael was just broken and this wasn't how he wanted their anniversary to go.

He was hoping they would play the guitar, that they could eat and be happy. They could talk about the concert that wasn't too far away and everything would be perfect and magical. Maybe they could have shared deep kisses, went a little more deep in the intimate part of their relationship.

But, the only kiss they shared was a sad one. Calum's lips moving against Michael's shaky ones and they laid down in bed as Michael clung onto him, silently crying. Calum may have gained a lot of hours of sleep, but now he couldn't help but want to go back and gain more because he didn't like reality at the moment.

Hearing Michael cry wasn't nice at all. He just tried shushing him and whispering how much he loved him. As usual, there wasn't a reply and he tried not to be hurt. Because, Michael was hurt and Calum couldn't be sad when he was.

That would just make it more depressing and when Michael went to sleep, Calum held him. He held him and he frowned and he felt tears fall as he kissed the boy's head repeatedly. All he wanted to do was make his boyfriend be healthy, but apparently that wasn't okay.

-

Honestly, Luke wasn't even surprised that Calum did that. It was a long time coming and he was actually fangirling inside. He loved how happy Michael looked and they seemed so in love. He was just surprised Calum actually said the 'L' word. At least, surprised he said it in front of everyone.

The only problem was Mr.Hood. Of course, he wasn't homophobic or rude about it, just in shock. He never talked to Calum about it yet. Probably because the only time Calum came home was the next day around ten at night and he went right to his room. Most likely to avoid the topic.

What was on Luke's mind, however, was Ashton as usual. He was just really sad. Both of the boys were so broken and lost without each other. They were before they met, then they were okay while dating, and now they're worse than ever. They were so use to relying on each other that without one another, they were broken beyond repair.

From what he's seen, Ashton didn't seem okay. Luke was so worried for his boyfrie-- wait. A sad sound left the back of his throat, Luke struggling to focus in class as he flickered his eyes to Ashton, who was sat next to him. It was really fucking awkward, but Luke was happy to be so close to him.

Luke felt the urge to hold hands with him like usual, but he knew he shouldn't and couldn't and so he wouldn't. He just sat there, occasionally looking at Ashton and frowning at he bags under his eyes. Much like the ones Calum still has despite getting nine hours of sleep at Michael's. Luke was really proud of him.

Soon, tests were being passed out and Luke was surprised. He didn't remember her saying there was a test. He sighed and took the test packet, struggling to get led out of his mechanical pencil. He opened the eraser, rolling his eyes when realizing it was empty and saw he had no more in his bookbag.

Luke hesitated, whispering to Ashton,"D-Do you have a pencil?"

He must not have expected him to speak, because Ashton tensed. He gulped slowly, nodding and Luke grinned thankfully. He held out his hand for one, only to frown when Ashton did nothing but write his name. Luke scoffed, nudging his knee against Ashton's and gave him a confused look.

"Can I borrow it?"

A timid smile formed on Ashton's face and he said similar words that caused Luke's heart to flutter,"No, I'm using it nitwit."

Luke chuckled and thanked Ashton as he gave Luke his pencil. He then reached in his bag and grabbed his own. Luke looked at him once more, feeling hope rise in his heart considering Ashton finally spoke to him. Not only that, but he even smiled and that gave him such confidence in rekindling their relationship.

When they did the test, Luke didn't know what the hell it was even on. He just guessed and he was happy it was multiple choice. His grades weren't important to him at the moment. He had more important things to worry about. Like, his friends, his new family and his ex-boyfriend that was shaking his leg nervously and restlessly tapping his pencil.

He glanced at Ashton through the corner of his eyes, seeing he had his sleeve rolled up a bit. His heart dropped, watching Ashton sneakily picking at his cuts. Luke gulped slowly and looked at the teacher. He didn't think twice before grabbing Ashton's hand and pulling it under the desk, entwining their fingers.

Ashton looked at him in shock and Luke ignored him. He just continued his test and gave Ashton's hand a soft squeeze every so often. His hand was slightly sweaty, most likely from nerves, but he didn't mind. If it stopped Ashton from hurting himself and helped calm him, then that's all that mattered.

Neither of them mentioned it when class was over. Even though Luke really wanted to. They just went on and they did what they usually did. He couldn't help but notice Ashton didn't have fresh cuts, though. Despite the slightly red ones, there weren't bandages and unless he cut his thighs or any other part, then he must have stayed clean for at least a few days.

That made Luke proud. He couldn't stay strong, but Ashton could. As much as Luke wanted to be strong and happy, he wasn't. Not anymore. For the past few days, he was rereading the Outsiders and it made him feel nostalgic. It was only a few months ago that Ashton was asking him to read it and it felt so long ago.

He couldn't help but notice how all of the Greasers were much like them. They all had problems and insecurities, but some tried hiding it more than others. Honestly, Calum and Ashton were more like the Socs. Wealthy, but the rare ones who got along with them. Much like Cherry.

Ashton was Luke's Cherry and Luke was his Ponyboy.

Wow, that sounds weird.

He shook his head and sighed, leaning up against the lockers as the bell rang signaling the end of school. He got let out early and waited for the teacher to leave the classroom. While waiting, he couldn't help but notice Calum, who was not too far away and at his locker.

Since he came out Friday (It's Monday), he was really upset. Which isn't good since his Birthday is tomorrow. He should be happy and having fun with Michael. But, he didn't blame the boy fro being so upset. People were teasing him constantly. Mainly his teammates and so-called friends.

Coming out comes with a price and that price was losing some people. Not everyone is accepting, that's for sure. He's heard a lot of people talking about Calum and saying he's using Michael for whatever stupid reasons their minds came up with. It was all a bunch of bullshit and he couldn't begin to fathom how dumb they sounded.

He sighed and flinched when a guy slammed Calum up against the locker. Luke went to defend the boy, since Calum's done so much for him. But, then Calum was smirking and walking passed the guy, only to turn and knee him right in the groin. Well then. He's definitely not in need of protection.

Calum was then running towards the S.O.S club room and Luke snorted. He followed after, yawning from his lack of sleep and noticed that Samantha was already in the room. This was the first meeting since that day considering they were all avoiding being around her and even each other. But, things cooled down recently.

When sitting in his seat, Luke picked up the small box that he placed under his chair and he paused. He put the box back and smiled, sitting down once again with his hands clasped in his lap. He twiddled with his thumbs and Calum looked at him in amusement, but Luke just beamed and looked towards where Ashton walked in the room.

Michael was already there, sat in his usual seat with a blank expression. It worried Calum, but before he could question it, Luke was speaking,"Today, we're do a trust game again. Recently, we all lost trust in each other. Even if it's just a little. We need to regain it and so, I think this can help."

He got up and everyone grabbed their bags to follow him. Luke led them outside and Calum waited for Michael, who seemed to not have moved. A frown formed on his lips and he went to ask what's wrong, however Michael stood up and gripped onto the wall. Calum gasped, grabbing onto him and noticed the boy was blinking slower than usual.

He asked in concern,"Hey, kitten, look at me. Are you alright? S-Should I take you to the nurse? You look really pale."

"I-I'm okay," Michael assured, giving him a weak smile.

Seeing that Calum didn't believe him, Michael pressed his lips to the boy's and kissed him deeply. It definitely distracted Calum and he slowly kissed back, Michael gripping his shoulders. Not to kiss, but to balance himself as a headache took over him and his legs were feeling like they weighed a million pounds each.

Someone cleared their throat and the two pulled away, blushing when Ashton raised an eyebrow at them. Michael grinned and took Calum's hand, tugging him outside as he felt more control over his body. Still, his head hurt and he could barely walk without his body aching.

Outside, they spotted Luke and Samantha standing behind the track with bandanas. Ashton was catching up, obviously not wanting them alone and he glared at the girl, standing close to Luke with a blank expression. Luke smiled at him and Ashton just ignored the boy, crossing his arms.

Finally, Michael and Calum arrived. Luke smiled and he held three bandanas. He gave Ashton a red one, Michael a blue and Samantha the yellow. Luke grabbed Michael's arm and tugged him between him and Samantha, so Ashton shrugged and stood next to Calum, who nudged him.

"Okay," Luke clapped to get their attention. "Now, you're probably wondering wh you have blindfolds--"

"Is this some fifty shades of grey, kinky shit?" Samantha asked with a snort, earning Luke's glare. She really shouldn't have came due to the who 'released cutting picture', but only Luke knew it was her and he was trying to avoid drama. At least, until he and Ashton are back together.

He sighed and continued,"Like I said, this is a trust type of game. You and your partner are going to choose who needs to trust the other more. The person who doesn't trust the other will be blind folded. The one who needs to earn trust is going to walk behind them while they're blind folded and instruct them through the small woods over there, to out here."

Everyone nodded and first up was Samantha. Obviously, Luke didn't trust her and to be a good role model, he let her tie the blindfold around his eyes. The girl grinned and she placed a hand on Luke's back, leading him into the woods as everyone waited for them to return. It was really nerve-wracking considering she's kind of a bitch and could be silently murdering him for all they knew.

Ashton chewed his bottom lip, his sleeve rolled up a bit as he scratched at his cuts. He couldn't find a substitute for a razor and was trying so hard not to cut. He didn't want to fail anyone. He was trying to be less insecure and slowly started gaining confidence. However, it wasn't working to well. It was working, though.

Suddenly, a hand was grabbing his hand and he looked down to see a pale hand gripping his. Ashton smiled weakly at Michael and gave a silent nod. The two knew what it meant; I'm trying. That's all that really mattered and soon enough, Samantha and Luke were returning with the blonde boy, who began taking off his blindfold in surprise.

Luke beamed and he looked at the boys with a grin. Samantha raised her hand for a high-five, only to be glared at by Luke. No, he's not being rude. She posted a picture of Ashton's cuts on instagram. She should be lucky he didn't rat her out. However, she may not know he knew.

"Okay, Ashton and I will go now," Calum motioned for the boy to come over and Ashton stood in front of him.

The two looked at each other, Calum holding the blindfold and neither knew who should be blindfolded. Who trusts the other the least? Has Ashton given Calum a reason not to trust him? With that in mind, Calum tied the blindfold around Ashton's eyes and handed the glasses to Luke.

Everything was black and Ashton could see small specs of color. He reached his arms out in front of him but they were smacked down. He pouted, but nervously licked his lips and no one was moving around him. He heard small whispers, however he couldn't make out hat they were saying. It made him really apprehensive.

Soon, he felt a hand on the small of his back and whispered,"C-Calum?"

"Shush, just go forward.

Ashton gulped, but did as told. Calum guided him through and only once did he give the wrong direction, getting his left and right mixed up and causing Ashton to run into a tree. Ashton groaned, rubbing his head as he heard a slapping sound. He furrowed his eyebrows, going to ask what that was. However, Calum directed him again.

For a minute or so, they went around and Ashton was suddenly told to stop. He reached to take off his blindfold, only for hands to cover his that held onto the knot in the back. Ashton's breath hitched, inhaling sharply. He instantly recognized the hands and felt his heart drop yet flutter all at once.

The familar voice said quietly,"Just stay quiet for a minute, bug. Okay?"

Ashton hesitated. He could feel Luke's hands on his and he could smell the familiar scent of his weird deodorant. But, what hurt the most was he could just tell the whole time it was him. It was Luke holding and leading, his hand on the small of his back, but Calum's voice telling him where to go. 

He figured Calum left or was watching creepily in the back. It seemed like something he would do. However, Luke wouldn't like that and Michael was probably lonely and scared with Samantha, so he most likely went back. Meaning, it was just him and Luke alone in the woods. 

"Bug?" Ashton's attention was brought back and he nodded slowly. Luke sounded slightly choked up as he spoke,"Baby, I'm so sorry. I can't defend what I did. Kissing someone else is never okay and I understand completely. Just know, I care so much about you. I love you with everything I have and we're just stupid teenagers who all want to die and just end it -- but, when I was with you, I never wanted to leave the world cause, you were in it. And -- And I can't leave you. I don't want to."

Ashton felt a lump in his throat, slowly letting his hands that were under Luke's move. His vision was still dark and he still had the blindfolds on. But, soon his fingers were entwined with Luke's, both held in the middle of their bodies. Luke stepped close, his minty breath hitting Ashton's lips and he felt the urge to kiss him.

Luke continued with a hesitant voice,"You were always there for me and I was just scared. I didn't want you to know how weak I was. I was like your rock, you know? I helped you and you helped me and I couldn't -- I kept having nightmares and visions of my dad. It was stupid to kiss her, but I swear, for a split second I saw your face and I did kiss her. But, I did try to pull away. I would never purposely hurt you. Ever. I love you and I know you can't love someone when you can't love yourse--"

Before he could speak, lips were on his and fingers were in his hair. Ashton was kissing him deeply, and he kind of missed his lips the slightest bit, however Luke just smiled and he moved his chin and helped him. Ashton blushed and just sighed softly as he felt Luke slip his tongue in his mouth, letting it meet with Ashton's in the middle.

As they kissed, Luke directed his hands to where the knot was in the back of his blindfold. He slowly untied it, moving it from Ashton and they kept kissing for a minute or two. Trying to reconnect and Ashton let their lips linger when they pulled away. His forehead leaning against Luk's as he slowly opened his eyes, only to meet Luke's blue ones.

He told Luke breathlessly,"I -- I love you, too."

"R-Really? Are you sure?" Luke didn't want to seem desperate, he just wanted to make sure this was real. And when Ashton nodded, he grinned and pecked his lips repeatedly, embracing him tightly. "Does this mean we're back together? Because, I just -- I love you so much and I missed you like hell."

Ashton laughed, the sweet laugh that made Luke's heart flutter. He told him softly,"Of course. I needed time on my own. I needed to like, to find myself? I didn't, but I tried getting at least a little stable." 

Ashton hesitantly pulled up his sleeve more and Luke noticed the butterflies on his arm. It wasn't just Luke and Bradley's name anymore. There was Calum and Michael, even Maya and his siblings. It made Luke smile and he kissed him again, holding him tight and whispered sweet nothing's in his ear.

"You know, Calum-- he helped me," Ashton sighed. "He helped me become more aware that you guys actually care about me. I knew you did, but I didn't want to. I'm better now. Not done and definitely not secure. But, I'm slowly starting to be more strong. I haven't let those pictures get to me anymore. Like Dally said in the Outsiders,You look out for yourself and nothing can touch you."

Luke pulled back, glancing into Ashton's hazel eyes and he pecked his nose,"I always knew you were wise, but this just showed no one can get to you anymore. I hope you can stay clean, but I know you'll break again. Everyone does. You just need to stay Ashton and stay gold."

The reference had Ashton's heart leap.He shook his head a bit,"You're really something, Hemmings."

"I would be nothing without you," Luke teased, playfully rubbing his nose against Ashton's."But, seriously. I am proud of you. I believe in you a lot. Even if you're not better, you're trying. Everything starts from something and this --" He grabbed Ashton's wrist, showing the slowly fading red marks. "--This is something and it's better than nothing."

Ashton nodded slowly, shyly saying,"It's really not the best, but -- but thank you. I wanted to get better for you."

"No, don't do that." Luke gave him a stern look and he told Ashton,"Never get better for someone else. Always get better for yourself, okay?"

Ashton nodded again, a smile gracing his lips. Luke never gave himself credit for how amazing he is. Ashton looks up to him a lot. Luke was like his hero. Even though Luke said not to get better for him, Ashton will. He'll get better for all of the boys and himself. Even if his parents that don't give a shit about him.

He then grinned and he pressed his lips to the boy's again and jumped up as Luke gripped the back of his legs. Ashton held onto him and wrapped them around Luke's waist. The short boy entangled his fingers in Luke's blonde hair, them whispering 'I miss you's and 'I love you's into their kisses.

However, the good doesn't always stay and they pulled away when hearing faint calls of their names. The voice sounded like Calum's and definitely wasn't at all happy. Their eyes widened, hearing how weak it sounded and they looked into each other's eyes before Ashton jumped down.

Luke grabbed his hand, dragging Ashton through the woods and his heart was pounding. He didn't like the sound of Calum's voice. It was painful and sounded frantic. Those two together weren't good and when they reached the field where they were, the two halted and gaped at the sight.

It was a deja vu moment.

Calum was sobbing, clinging onto a pale and weak looking Michael who was out cold. He was lightly tapping the boy's cheek and it wasn't like when Calum fainted. It was more serious, just more terrifying. Not because they cared more about him. But, because their hearts were telling them this was a lot more urgent. 

Even Samantha looked panicked and Luke's heart dropped when he saw she was on the phone with the police, probably trying to call for an ambulance. That just proved it and Ashton was clinging onto Luke's arm as they looked at Calum, who was probably the most heartbroken out of them all. Because, he knew Michael wasn't okay earlier and he should of went with his instincts that told him to get help.

But, he didn't.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a doctor, but I tried being as accurate as possible.

It was like everything went in slow motion. There were lights flashing as the ambulance pulled up and Calum was yelling at them to let him go, his father turning up at school since Ashton called him once again. Calum was sobbing, trying to push his dad away and go after his boyfriend being placed in the ambulance.

Luke and Ashton were stood back, Luke clinging to his boyfriend while Calum was crying for his. Ashton didn't know how to comfort him as he, himself, was so heartbroken. He just held Luke as best as he could, being shorter, and pressed small kisses to his shoulder while Calum just fell to the ground, his dad gripping onto his arms to help him back up.

It was hard for Calum to even explain why Michael was taken by an ambulance, not sure where to even start. He was silent the whole ride there, the two boys in the back and Luke was sniffling into Ashton's neck. The smaller boy frowned, wiping his silent tears and brushing Luke's hair from his face.

Most people wouldn't cry just because a person fainted, however this was different. He didn't just faint from being tired or anything simple. He fainted from not eating and all the boys knew he wasn't eating. However, they were so caught up with their own drama that they all assumed he was okay and getting better. 

Except Calum.

He knew Michael wasn't better for a while now. Ever since he also passed out and ended up in the nurses office. Where he saw how small Michael was, his petite body so tiny and not healthy. His hair was going thin and he knew it wasn't just from the hair dye, considering he only dyed it twice. It was a lot worse. 

Calum knew all of this because he's seen Michael and been around him so much. That's his boyfriend who he knew wasn't healthy and as he told his dad, he could see he wasn't happy. Not because his son is gay, but because his boyfriend was in pain and slowly dying yet he never told anyone.

When they got to he hospital, no one spoke as they went into the waiting room. Calum was shouting at the lady, asking to see Michael, only for her to deny him. His dad tried tugging him away but Calum exclaimed, looking at her in disbelief,"He's my boyfriend, let me see him! Please, he can't talk! Not without -- without someone there! He needs me, please!"

"sir, I'm going to have to ask you to lower your voice," She narrowed her eyes, looking at the computer. She typed something as Calum waited impatiently, wiping his eyes repeatedly. She told him with a blank voice,"He's had a severe heart attack when waking up in the ambulance. As of now, I was not informed on anything, but he's been rushed to the angiography suite for an angiogram--"

Calum blanked out, eyes widening as he took in what she said. Michael had a heart attack? He's only eighteen. Is that even possible? He seemed tired and exhausted, but a heart attack? He didn't listen as she updated his father, just shakily walking over to where Luke has fallen asleep on Ashton's shoulder.

Ashton glanced up at Calum in concern, holding his hand out for him. The boy shook his head slowly, sitting next to Ashton and he leaned his head on the opposite shoulder Luke was on. This caused Ashton to chuckle weakly, but then he noticed Calum's tears once again and frowned. 

He was so lost at what to do. He didn't think this would happen. Or, maybe he did and just didn't want it to. Either way, they were now in the waiting room of the hospital and waiting for their best friend (and Calum's boyfriend) to get out of surgery after having a heart attack due to being anorexic.

Do people really think that being anorexic can help? Because, being 'pretty' means nothing if you're dead. Anorexia can lead to a heart attack and permanent problems as young as eighteen. It's possible, though it's rare. And, Michael didn't think this would happen to him, yet it did and it can happen to anyone else as well.

It seemed like hours as time passed, though it was only minutes. Luke was still sleeping and Ashton was quietly humming as the boy looked uncomfortable. He pressed soft kisses to Luke's hair and sighed, nuzzling his nose against the blonde hair. He was trying not to think of where they are and why they're here.

Occasionally,people sitting around as well would glance at the three teens. Probably wondering why they're here. Surely, Ashton should go home or at least tell his parents he's not going to be home. But, he didn't want to deal with that. He just wanted to be there for his friends and hold his boyfriend who was obviously very upset.

At the moment, Ashton needed to be the strong one there for everybody. He was now in charge at the moment and so lost on what to do. He didn't like being in charge. That's Luke and Calum's thing. They're the ones who take control of a situation, but both were so broken and lost that Ashton was basically forced to be there. 

Even if he didn't want to, he had to do it and so he hesitantly wrapped his free arm around Calum and gave the boy a small smile as Calum looked up at him in confusion. Calum timidly smiled back and they noticed people staring. Some in disgust, others fondly and one just confused.

Usually, this would get to him because Ashton has been incredibly sensitive lately. But, he's been getting better slowly. Taking his medication like told, trying to not take everything to the heart and push the negative thoughts away. Whenever he wants to cut, he'll just make a butterfly.

So far, he has twenty butterflies in the past few days. Almost a week. That's a lot and some are on his thighs, since his arms were getting fully. When he washes them away, the fade but are still there. He only started this because Calum threw away his go-to razors and he couldn't get anymore. Maybe if he tried harder, he would find something, but he was trying not to find anything. 

He wanted to get better.

And now, knowing Michael was on the boarder line between living and dying, he knew life was worth living even if it sucks ninety percent of the time. That little ten percent was tiny, yet meant more than the others. Because, Luke and and Calum and Michael were in the ten percent along with his siblings and those small words Bradley left for him.

"Even if I'm gone, I want you to stay and love yourself enough for the both of us. Cause, I love you more than anything. I'm fifteen and dead, but you're going to live for us, okay?"

Despite the adorable and sweet boy being gone in heaven, Michael was here and he needs to live. Ashton can't lose two people from the same depression of not being good enough. He was going to be there more now and so are the other two who love Michael as well. Their sweet little kitten was not okay and they need him to be. If not for them, then for himself.

It was seven hours later, being ten at night and Ashton yawned, feeling Luke grumble and blink slowly as he looked up. At the moment, Calum was gone with his dad and getting something to eat. Ashton assumed he was just trying to do something to distract himself. He doesn't blame the guy.

Luke looked confused, rubbing his eyes and Ashton lightly brushed his fingers on his cheek. The blonde didn't even care that Ashton was being so gentle with him and he panicked, looking around in confusion,"W-Where's Mikey? Is he okay? Did he wake up? Oh my god, he isn't dead i-is he?"

"Lukey, calm down," Ashton frowned, pressing his lips to the boy's cheek gently. Luke gulped, unclenching his hands from the table's armrests and glance t the boy. "He's getting out of surgery soon, his aunt is here and talking to the doctor. Calum went to get something to eat. Are you hungry?"

Much to Ashton's dismay, Luke just shook his head and lightly moved Ashton's hand from his shoulder. He dropped his head in his hands and let out a shaky sigh. He couldn't believe this. His best friend, his everything, his world -- Michael was in surgery? Why didn't Luke do something? He's suppose to be there for Michael.

Seeing his distraught posture, Ashton furrowed his eyebrows and he hesitantly gripped Luke's hands. Luke looked at him with teary eyes and Ashton slowly moved onto Luke's lap. Luke's bum was numb from the chair, but he let Ashton sit across his lap with his legs across him and he wrapped his arms around Luke's neck.

They both missed this.

Having each other close. Luke couldn't seem to enjoy it as much as he use to, though. Not in this moment. But, he still loved it, he just couldn't do what he use to. How he would kiss Ashton and sometimes they would make out. It felt wrong and so Luke just smiled weakly, wrapping his arms around Ashton as they embraced, Ashton's ankles crossed slightly.

Ashton told him, leaning his head on Luke's shoulder,"He's okay, love. I promise he's okay. I just know it, he can't get away from us that easily. We'd miss him too much and I'm sure he'd miss us too."

His words caused Luke's lips to quiver, nodding as he kissed Ashton softly. The very few people around didn't seem to care, probably knowing the guys needed to comfort one another. That made Luke happy, to know not everyone was cruel enough to shout fags in a hospital just because they were affectionate.

However, he did want to show respect to others and so he lightly tapped Ashton's leg. The boy got up and he moved to his normal seat, though scooted close so he can lean against Luke. Instead of being overly affectionate, they held hands and they didn't speak or do anything. Just waited.

A few minutes later, Calum returned with his dad. Calum was frowning and looked utterly exhausted. He headed over to the corner of the room, sitting down and didn't even notice Luke wasn't asleep anymore. His dad looked probably the least exhausted, maybe because he wasn't emotionally attached to Michael. He did seem worried about Calum and Luke, though.

Time passed and Michael's aunt made her way with the others from the bathroom. She slouched in the seat next to Luke, seeming upset but not as upset as the others. Which is strange, since Michael is family and she knew him the longest. She didn't even look like she was crying or at all worried. Maybe upset, but just barely.

Before anyone knew it, a doctor walked out and said while looking at a clipboard,"Uh, anyone here for a...Michael Gordon Clifford?"

The boys and Michael's aunt stood up, then so did Calum's dad since he figured that was the guy's name. He knew Michael, but not well enough. Calum practically ran to the man, nearly knocking the lady out of the way as he halted in front of him. He didn't have any time to waste.

He asked in a rush,"Is he okay?"

"Are you family?" The doctor asked instead, voice full of no emotion.

Calum narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth,"I'm his fucking boyfriend so just tell me if he's okay! I am not in the fucking mood for this! Tell me!"

As the doctor went to glare at him, Michael's aunt sighed and walked up,"Just tell us how he is."

At first he didn't seem like it was a good idea. But, he just shrugged and flipped through some papers before saying as they listened intently,"Michael seems to be very underweight and as surgery went through, we discovered that the attack was most likely caused by anorexia nervosa. Surgery went well and he's okay as of now. But, we'll need to discuss his eating disorder."

"Is he up now?" Calum asked frantically, looking down the hall he knew the doctor left from. 

He was instantly relieved to hear Michael is okay, along with the other boys. Luke turned to Ashton and hugged him tightly, Calum just eagerly waiting for the doctors response. He needs to see Michael. To know it's true and that these hours of waiting are over with. That Michael is alive and well.

The man nodded,"Yes, he's up and you can see him. But, we need to talk about the best treament for his eating disorder. You are his guardian, yes?" Michael's aunt nodded and he said,"We were thinking that impatient care would be the best possible solution. Of course, all treatment must be assigned by you. He's not doing well, seeing as he had a heart attack, but his body weight isn't to where we are forced to take him. It's all up to you. He'll be staying overnight and let out tomorrow morning unless you agree that him being hospitalized is best."

She gave the man a weak smile, glancing at Calum who looked not at all okay with this. Everyone headed down the hall and only one person was let in at a time. Calum frowned as Michael's aunt went in, slouching against the wall with his arms wrapped around himself and clenching his eyes shut in frustration.

They were going to take Michael away. He knew it was best, but he didn't want Michael gone. How long would he be away? A week? Month? Year? He doesn't think this will help. Calum was trying to get Michael better. He can do it. Michael needs him, not these doctors who are going to poke, prod and push him to do something he's not ready for.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash and people yelling in the room. Calum gasped, glancing at the boys and his dad. He didn't think twice before opening the door and seeing Michael curled up on the hospital bed in a gown, arms around his knees that were pressed to his chest.

A machine was on the ground and Michael was shaking, looking scared and frightened. The doctor snapped at Calum,"Sir, you're not allowed in here."

"I'm allowed wherever the hell I wanna be! What did you do to him?" Calum shouted, scowling at the guys.

Michael didn't even say anything except mumbling 'Calum's' name quietly as he crawled over to the boy. Calum smiled timidly as Michael hugged him and sniffled into his shoulder. He sighed and sat on the bed, soothingly rubbing his bed. He felt so cold and he just now noticed how weak his nails looked, Michael's hand entwined with his. So brittle and dry. 

The doctor said in annoyance,"If you're not going to listen then I'm going to have to call security. You're not allowed in here. We need to speak with Michael, okay?"

"He can't talk," Calum retorted, pressing a soft kiss to Michael's head as the doctor grimaced slightly. "If this bothers you then why don't you leave? He's selectively mute and can only talk around people he is comfortable with. If you want to talk to him then I'm going to have to be here, too." He then added,"If that's okay with you, love?"

Michael nodded instantly, whispering to Calum,"T-They want t-to take me away."

Calum gulped slowly,"I know, kitten. I know. Just -- let's think rationally right now. Just listen to them and it'll be okay. I promise, you'll be fine. I'm so happy you're okay, I was so worried."

The tone in his voice made Michael frown and the boy pressed a kiss to Calum's lips. His were slightly chapped, but Calum didn't care since he loved him too much to worry about that. He just kissed back, but pulled away as the doctor cleared his throat. He sighed and sat up, shushing Michael as he panicked. The heart monitor was beeping like crazy and Calum grabbed his hand in his own, sighing as the monitor slowed down.

Michael shivered and so Calum took off his jacket and laid it across his body. A thankful smile formed on Michael's lips, yawning as he felt exhausted. He blinked slowly and Calum overheard the doctor and Michael's aunt talking. He took the time to examine Michael's body with a small grimace.

He felt his eyes water as he looked down. He couldn't do this. Michael was so small. Just so tiny. He probably weighed as much as a ten year old girl. Calum saw the boy slowly flutter his eyes shut and he let out a small breath, letting his fingers caress his cheek sofly and Michael leaned into the touch, glancing at him with squinted eyes and a loving smile.

Michael let his small hand touch Calum's, touch so delicate almost like a feather. He spoke in a soft voice,"M'okay, C-Calum. Don't worry. S'just a l-little heart problem. M'fine."

That's when Calum knew he wasn't.

He knew all along, but hearing Michael act like this is complete normal despite being in a hopsital after a heart attack and saying it was nothing wasn't okay. It was terrible and nearly killed him. Yet, Michael didn't seem to realize that. He spoke so casually about the main cause of death.

Which is why, as he looked towards the doctor, Calum crouched down to look at Michael. The boy was laid on the hospital bed. His body was pale and fragile, many wires stuck to him and his hand held with Calum's. His eyes were closed, pink lips dry and delicate lashes contrasting with his practically white skin.

Despite looking practically dead, he was still so beautiful. Calum sniffled quietly, causing Michael to open his eyes slowly and look at him in concern. Why is he concerned about Calum? Michael is the one in the hospital. The boy is too selfless for his own good and Calum fell even more in love.

Before Michael could ask what's wrong, Calum gave his hand a small squeeze and said weakly, quiet so the adults didn't hear,"Baby, you're not okay. You had a heart attack. You fainted. You're underweight and -- and I can't let you keep destroying yourself. I can't let -- I can't let you die."

"I won't," He spoke so surely that he didn't even stutter. 

But, Calum pointed out with a frown,"You could have. And you still can. Which is why you need to help yourself. You need to get healthy and the only way to do that is to either want to get better or be forced to. They want to send you away and -- and I don't want you to go, kitten."

Michael's face held pain and he was slowly starting to panic. Calum kept talking, but Michael was just staring at him. He couldn't listen. No. Calum's trying to send him away. He can't leave. He doesn't want to leave the boys or Calum. He's fine. He doesn't need help. He's healthy. He's skinny. Isn't that healthy?

Suddenly he was breathing heavily and the doctor looked over, Calum panicking as the heart monitor started beeping. The doctor rushed towards Michael, who was sitting up and shaking a bit. He shoved Calum out of the way, and Michael looked at Calum with a lost expression and shook his head frantically.

He pleaded, trying to push the doctor away weakly,"N-No! C-Calum! I-I want Calum!"

Calum felt his heart break, dropping his head down as the room filled with doctors. Calum stood in the corner with a worried expression. He covered his mouth with his hand, watching as Michael was held down and he closed his eyes. He could hear Michael calling his name and he couldn't do anything. He couldn't be there for him this time. 

Because, he was soon forced out of the room and the last thing he saw was Michael's pleading expression that made him feel like absolute shit. Much to his dismay, they were told to leave and Calum didn't move from his spot. He just stared at the door, noticing the calls for his name weren't heard anymore.

A hand was suddenly placed on his shoulder. Calum looked up, seeing his dad giving him a sympathetic look. He reluctantly turned and his dad wrapped an arm around him and patted his bicep. Calum leaned into his dad, needing the comfort and he was just so sad. He was never this sad before.

On the way home, he noticed Ashton was still with them. He assumed the boy was staying the night and he saw Ashton passed out on Luke's chest, the blonde holding him with the two sharing a seatbelt. Safety obviously wasn't in thought and he would have joked with them, but not this time.

This time, Calum just wasn't in the mood for jokes. He looked out the window, wishing he could go back to the morning and made Michael go to the nurse. It could have helped. Perhaps, if he did that, then Michael wouldn't be most likely leaving to get better. As horrible as it sounds, Calum wanted him here and that's the selfish truth.

By the time they got home, it was nearly midnight. Surprisingly, Calum was tired. He yawned and looked at Luke, who was fondly staring down at Ashton. But, it wasn't the same. It was more of a 'I'm so happy you're alive, but I wish Michael was here too' type thing. He could just tell.

Luke frowned when Calum went to wake Ashton up. He shook his head and mouthed 'go', so Calum went. The blonde looked at his sleeping boyfriend and he smiled thankfully when Mr.Hood opened the door for him. Luke got out first, being careful with Ashton's head as he lifted the boy into his arms bridal style.

Ashton grumbled tiredly, causing Luke to kiss his nose lightly. Mr.Hood chuckled and helped Luke into the house. He opened the doors for him and made sure he was careful up the stairs. Along the way, he noticed Mrs.Hood looking very confused and Mr.Hood gave her 'I'll explain later' expression.

When Luke got to the room, he saw Calum laying in bed with a bag. He noticed it was Michael's and Calum must have put it in the car at some point between the ride to the hospital. He also saw Calum was frowning and holding onto the lion teddy bear he vaguely recalled being named 'Malum'. It was a sad yet cute sight.

Luke nodded at Calum, laying Ashton down next to Calum. As he set up the bed, Calum sighed and scooted closer to Ashton, taking off the boy's glasses and placing them on the sidetable. He got up, untying Ashton's shoes and Luke raised an eyebrow, but new Calum was just being nice.

Luke joked with a forced laugh,"I'll take care of his clothes."

Calum didn't laugh.

"Listen," Luke whispered, voice quiet so they didn't wake up the boy. He stripped off his shirt and grabbed his pajamas. "I don't -- I don't know what happened back there. All I know is my best friend isn't okay. I know he's your boyfriend. We're going through the same thing right now and we should just be happy he's alive."

Calum scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief,"He's alive, but he obviously doesn't want to be. He doesn't want to get better. He thinks everything is fine, but it's not and that scares me."

"It scares me too," Luke agreed, swallowing a lump in his throat. He sat on the bed, lifting Ashton's head and gently placed it in his lap. Ashton turned a bit, clenching onto Luke's shirt in his sleep. Luke threaded his fingers through the fringed hair and looked at Calum,"But, we're in this together, okay? We'll get better. All of us. We're not letting anyone go through this again. Things are gonna change now."

A silence fell, Calum slowly nodding and he leaned forward, kissing Luke's forehead and the blonde smiled weakly. Calum said,"No more secrets, we're not letting things go that easily anymore. If one of us is risking being in the hospital, then we focus on them right away, but we can't forget our own problems either."

Luke held up his pinky, letting it link with Calum's and that was it. The misfits were changing and they weren't letting one drift away like that. Not again. All of them had their moments and now they couldn't let it repeat. With Ashton freaking out, Luke trying to commit, Calum fainting and doing the same and Michael ending up in the hospital, it was time they realized things weren't working out.

So, Luke got up and he carried Ashton to the bed. He nudged the boy and Ashton looked at him sleepily. He smiled and motioned to his clothes. Ashton pouted and held his arms up weakly. Luke got the hint and most times, him stripping his boyfriend would seem sexual. But, this time it was just intimate.

That night, the two boyfriends laid in bed and Ashton snuggled close to Luke. He watched as the blonde fell asleep and he leaned close, pressing a gentle and feathery kiss to his lips. Luke mumbled, wrapping his arms around Ashton's waist and pulled him close. Ashton frowned and nuzzled his face in Luke's chest. He pulled the necklace Michael gave him from his shirt and held it tightly before drifting to sleep.

While, Calum was just laying in his bed and holding him and Michael's malum bear. He was wide awake and looking at the ceiling. He couldn't cry anymore. The tears were gone and he looked at the clock across the room. The bright, red letters reading out '12:56AM' and Calum smiled sadly.

"Happy birthday to me."

-

Most would assume birthdays were days of celebration at a home, club or park. Maybe other places, depending on the person. Especially when it's your eighteenth birthday. The day in Australia where you are legal for everything and basically allowed to do whatever you want.

No one would expect a guy on his birthday to wake up early (only having an hour of sleep) and want to go to a hospital. However, Calum obviously didn't want to celebrate if his boyfriend isn't okay. He wanted to see him as soon as possible and know that he's fine. The hospital said he was relased today if he wasn't hospitalized and they weren't confirming till ten in the morning.

When he said this, his parents looked at him with pity. He was so terrble looking. His hair was a mess and placed under beanie, bags under his eyes. That wasn't unusual, but he would typically put on foundation to at least hide it. This time, he wasn't even caring and just threw on lazy sweatpants with sleeveless shirt.

At first, his mum was trying to get him to eat. She made a whole breakfast and Calum kept pleading to be drived to the hospital. His dad wasn't letting him drive due to him being exhausted. Calum could barely stay awake, let alone drive. His parents were aware of his insomnia, obviously, since the incident and became more caring for their son.

Which is why they nodded and reluctantly agreed when Calum said he had to go see Michael. Luke and Ashton were sat at the dining table, watching from afar and seeing the scene unfold before their eyes. Calum rolled his eyes, but took the breakfast his mum gave him in a tumbaware and she smiled softly as her husband and son left.

Ashton frowned, picking at his food and had on a huge, love sleeve sweater that's Luke's. It hung off a shoulder and showed off his collarbone, making Luke constantly looked at the exposed skin. So tan and pretty. He was sat close to the boy, their chairs pressed together and making a mini little bench.

Neither talked much. It was a scary moment for them all and their thoughts were still with Michael. Both wanted to see him as well, but respected that Calum felt the urge to see him first. It was his birthday, after all, and they could see him later if they pleased. At least, that what they thought.

Mrs.Hood walked into the room and wished them both a good morning. Ashton swallowed his food before telling the woman sweetly,"This breakfast is delicious, ma'am."

"Thank you, dear. But, please. Call me Joy," She chuckled softly, causing Ashton to nod with a sheepish smile.

Luke glanced between the two, beaming at how well they got on. Joy was legally his mum as of now. The papers were filed and everything was settled. He was now a Hood, though kept the name Hemmings. Still, he could call them mum and dad if he pleased. He still wasn't comfortable with that, however, and stuck with Mr. and Mrs. Hood or their first names. 

Suddenly, a beep was heard and Luke glanced down to see Calum texted him saying to talk to Ashton about the new S.O.S discussion. That being the new changes and Luke figured he needed to talk to Ashton anyways. He felt like he had to tell Ashton about him almost committing. No more secrets.

Mrs.Hood asked curiously,"Who was that, hun'?"

"Oh, um, just Calum asking if Michael could come over later if he's released today," Luke lied, though he knew Calum would ask eventually. 

There was a pause before she nodded,"He really loves this boy, doesn't he?"

"More than anyone," Luke confirmed, glancing sheepishly at Ashton. The boy was too busy eating to see the fond gaze Luke held on him. He looked at Joy who noticed and smiled sweetly. "It's cute, actually. They have been dating for a while, more than me and Ash. He was just afraid to tell you."

Joy frowned,"Oh, I would never not love my child over something as tiny as what gender they prefer. As far as I can tell, Michael is a sweet boy. I have only met him once, and he didn't speak to me, but he smiled and I can just tell he's a doll. It saddens me that he has an eating disorder. No one should suffer through such a thing."

Ashton added timidly,"I don't think he knows. He's kind of oblivious to his own pain and focuses on others."

The lady's frown deepened and she nodded slowly. A beep was heard and she got up, going to finish up her lunch she was making for work. Instead of continuing the conversation, Luke and Ashton cleaned up their plates. They insisted on washing their own dishes, but Mrs.Hood took them and shooed them to the room.

Each of the boys took a quick shower each and Ashton saw his mum was freaking out. He forgot to inform her that he was staying out and texted her, updating his mum. She wasn't pleased at all and he knew he was going to be yelled at later. Probably grounded for who knows how long.

However, as Luke walked in the room shirtless, skinny jeans on and ruffling his hair with his towel, he knew it would be worth it. Besides, his friend was in the hospital and he can't go home after such a thing. Not when he needs fast updates on how he is and it's Calum's birthday anyways.

Luke walked over and tossed Ashton the towel. Ashton grimaced, feeling his glasses knock off and he placed them back on. He tossed the towel to the side, knowing Luke must have wiped his private parts with it. They may be dating, but that doesn't mean Ashton wants to be all up on that when they're not even having sex.

Once Luke was changed, he sat on the bed with Ashton and held out his arms. Ashton crawled between Luke's legs and sighed contently as he laid his back on Luke's chest. Luke was against the wall, arms wrapped around Ashton and chin resting on his shoulder with a content sigh.

He admitted bluntly,"A-A few days ago, I tried to um...end it."

Ashton's breath hitched, looking up and saw the serious and ashamed look on the bonde's face. He shook his head,"L-Luke, why would -- I mean, I know why but -- I just. I don't know what to say. oh god, why? You know I would care and so would Michael and Calum! What happened?"

"We were just, we were fighting and not talking. Calum snapped at me earlier that day and Michael didn't like me at the moment. He was mad about me cheating on you and couldn't look at me the same," Luke then added quieter,"I couldn't even look at me the same. I just hated myself so much. I gave in way too quickly and I'm stopping, Ash. I won't ever smoke again."

Ashton turned in the boy's arms and he cupped Luke's face in his hands,"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"It's true, I don't want to smoke anymore. Not even if it can lead to me smoking weed and cheating on someone I love so much," Luke said honestly. It wasn't the drugs fault, but the drug made Luke not think and by doing that, Luke ended up making a dumb decision to kiss someone.

A forced laugh left Ashton's lips,"Lukey, don't you think I wanted to stop hurting myself? Addictions don't just end like that. Just cause you don't want to do it doesn't mean you won't. It's okay to relapse and smoke again. It's not okay to hide it and at least not try to stop yourself."

Ashton hesitated before rolling up his sleeves and showing Luke his butterflies he drew. Luke saw them once and it was beautiful to know his boyfriend was attempting to stop. He let his fingers brush over all the Luke butterflies. They were blue and he blushed, seeing Ashton doing the same. It was the color of his eyes. 

All the green ones were Michael's, to match his eyes then the red ones were Calum's. He said it was his favorite color once. Then purple for Maya and yellow for Bradley. Bradley was yellow for a halo, meaning angel in heaven. Pink was for Lauren and then orange was for Harry. It was a rainbow on his arm and most people would be confused to see it, but Luke was in love with it.

He looked at Ashton, capturing the boy's lips between his own and kissing him deeply. Ashton slowly kissed back and they were on Calum's bed, but it was okay. They were just kissing and showing they care. Luke's tender touches on Ashton's upper body, nothing below the waist. 

As the small kisses grew, so did their smiles and they held hands, just looking at each other while laying on their sides. They were so proud of one another. It was beautiful to know how much they trusted one another. And as they spoke quietly about the new rules to the club, they shared small kisses to show their love that was blossoming.

Meanwhile, Calum was sat with Michael in his lap. He was holding him tight and fingers tangled in the boy's thin hair. He pressed small kisses to Michael's cheek as they listened to what the doctor was saying. Michael was just listening to Calum's heartbeat, noticing it was faster than his own that was heart and seen on the monitor.

He was holding onto Calum and hoping he didn't need to leave. Yesterday he had a panic attack and he hoped that wasn't what Ashton felt everyday, because it wasn't nice. He has social anxiety, but his attacks weren't at all like that was. It was painful and he felt like he had a heart attack all over again.

Suddenly, Calum was nodding and said to the doctor,"So, she's letting Michael decide?"

"She didn't say much and is talking to the nurse, but Michael is of legal age and can refuse if he wanted to," the doctor said with a small sigh. "I personally suggest a few weeks being hospitalized. It won't be fun, but neither is dying. It can really help. You'll have cable and a roommate staying with you. You won't be able to have your phone, but you're allowed to have visitors and calls."

A grimace formed on Michael's face and he shook his head, despite Calum nudging him softly. The doctor sighed,"I'll let you two talk about it. We'll be back in a few, think about it."

As soon as the door was shut, Michael shook his head and pleaded quietly,"Don't make m-me go, please Calum."

"It's not my choice," Calum pointed out and pursed his lips. "Kitten, you need to be rational about this. A few weeks seems like a lot. But, if -- if it helps then I think you should do it."

Michael instantly retorted, sitting up slightly and staring at Calum with those big green eyes,"I-It won't. S'not going to. N-Need you. W-Want you."

"I know, baby, I know," Calum shushed him slightly as Michael got worked up. He gripped onto Michael's shoulders as the boy sat up more, moving his hands down his arms and to his hands. He entwined both pairs of hands together, feeling how cold Michael was and tried to push it away. "But, love. You weren't trying before. You were lying to us and we're all trying to get better, but you're not. You say you're fine, I know you aren't, though."

"I'm o-okay," Michael assured.

Calum asked blankly,"How much do you weigh?" Michael ignored him, glancing down. But, Calum lifted his chin and stared right at him,"How much do you weigh, Michael?"

"N-Ninety nine pounds," Michael admitted, being forty four kilograms. Calum's breath hitched and Michael frowned,"S-So fat, I know."

That made Calum's heart drop and he breathed out,"You're so -- love, no. Fuck. I don't know what to say anymore. This is getting out of hand. A twelve year old girl probably weighs more than you. You're not okay, you have a disorder. It's not a bad thing. Well, it is. But, you can't help it. You can help yourself, though and you need to."

At first, Michael looked like he wanted to argue. But, then he just narrowed his eyes and he roughly pulled his hands away from Calum's. He shakily moved from his lap much to Calum's confusion and got off the bed. Calum's breath hitched as Michael stumbled a bit, weak from the lack of energy after ripping off his I.V's. 

Calum instantly moved as well and he went after him before Michael could leave the room. He tried pulling Michael back, but Michael was pushing him away and sobbing quietly as he felt slightly dizzy. Calum noticed and panicked, pulling the boy into his arms and Michael weakly protested, but soon just reluctantly slumped against him.

The boy mumbled into Calum's chest,"P-Please. J-Just want you."

Calum licked his lips nervously, gulping as he looked down at the boy in his arms. The one he loves so much and cares so deeply for. How can he say no to him? Michael was vulnerable and in a critical condition. He didn't know what to do anymore. For once, he was lost and not sure what was the best option.

He wanted to make Michael happy and not hate him, but he also wanted him to be alive and healthy. Would being hospitalized really help Michael, though? He can just refuse and not doing anything. Maybe if Calum actually helped and got Michael to maybe talk to a therapist, then he can get better. 

Calum hesitated and led Michael to the bed, helping him up. He crawled up with him and Michael laid down. He laid his head in Calum's lap and the taller boy said softly,"You know, it's my birthday." Michael nodded eagerly, remembering he said it right when Calum walked in. "And, you know what I want for my birthday? Something you can give me?"

Michael hummed, looking up at him suspiciously. Calum paused and then said,"I want you to try. I can help you. We can get you appointments with a therapist and I'm sure my dad won't mind paying. But, you need to really try. You're beautiful and I love you no matter what. But, if this doesn't work then you will be forced to leave. Either by being dead or forced away from me."

The harsh truth hit Michael and he noticed how serious his boyfriend was. He sat up and nodded as he leaned forward and kissed Calum softly. The boy pulled Michael closer and wrapped his arms around him. Michael instantly smiled, so happy to stay with his boyfriend and he held him close, their lips kissing each other repeatedly.

"Promise me you'll try, Michael," He breathed softly, pulling away to stare at Michael and make sure he was honest.

Michael reluctantly spoke, chewing on his bottom lip,"Promise."

The lack of stutter had Calum feel relieved, and he pressed a big kiss to his love's lips. It would take a lot of work and convincing to the doctors. There will be problems with Michael recovering and getting better, but it would be worth it. As long as Michael was alive and trying, then it will be okay.

Which is why, for the rest of Calum's birthday they talked and they made it work. They discussed it with his dad and everything was going to be okay now. As long as they all really helped each other, then this process can fix everything.

The only problem is school and they were hoping it won't be too bad. However, Calum just wanted to worry about how cute Michael was when he pouted. Even if it was over eating and having to go to therapy.


	36. Chapter 36

It's been a scary weekend for Michael. He didn't go to school Friday and missed the boys, but he had to talk with his aunt and the doctors. They weren't pleased with him not being hospitalized. It was his decision, though. He's eighteen and so they mad a little deal; he has a month to gain ten pounds.

The weight didn't seem like much, but Michael's mind immediately changed and added a zero to it. That made him freak out, not wanting to do it. He can't. He doesn't want to. He likes his weight now and he feels so much better this way. But, he didn't want to take away Calum's birthday wish and break their promise.

He was really sad whenever he ate, though. For the weekend, his aunt had him eat at least three hundred calories. Considering the normal amount is two thousand, it really wasn't good. But, the doctors said to slowly and gradually add on more and more each day.

He felt so fat.

Michael didn't like all those calories in his stomach, even if the food was healthy. He felt sick every time he ate more than his normal amount. He even three up the first day and Calum wasn't there to comfort him. It was okay, though. Calum can't always be there and Michael knew that, so he would just be happy with at least having Calum text him everyday.

Throughout the weekend, Michael ate. He just took a little food every so often during the day. He didn't want to. But, he felt like he had to make his aunt, friends and boyfriend happy. Even if it meant making himself unhappy. Each bite he took made him feel more insecure.

When Monday came, Michael was nervous to go to school. He felt like he probably gained a million pounds. He couldn't explain how painful it was to eat. He couldn't eat much physically, because his stomach and body wasn't use to the large (They weren't really that big) amounts of food.

Calum texted him and said he would pick him up. Michael was scared, since he knew Calum probably was going to talk about going to therapy. Apparently his dad already paid for it and Michael didn't like this. He didn't want his boyfriend's dad to pay for something like that. It was probably really expensive.

Calum kept assuring him it was fine, but it wasn't and Michael knew. It's not okay that he has an eating disorder, and sadly, Michael wasn't even aware he had one. Everyone told him, however to him it was normal. Not eating was natural for him now and for almost two years, he's been okay. So, he should be fine going longer.

Michael timidly walked into the kitchen, fidgeting when his aunt placed a plate of banana slices and toast out. No butter. Butter is fattening. Michael hesitantly sat down, taking out his notebook and tapped his pencil for a moment. His aunt sat across the room to give him space, but also make sure he ate. 

She has been understanding. However, it also seemed like she didn't care. She gave him food and made sure he ate, but it seemed like Michael was a burden. He felt bad for making her deal with all of this. The boy sighed and reluctantly scrawled out across his notebook in a neat, small handwriting.

Banana -- 105 calories.

Bread -- 79 calories.

79+105 = 184 calories. 300 - 184 = 116.

A feeling of disgust was in his body and Michael grimaced as he took a slice of banana. He slowly ate him, not liking the texture. His doctor suggested he ate a lot of fruits and meat. However, Michael wasn't a fan of meat and was sure he was a vegetarian. Maybe a vegan. He barely ate anyways, perhaps he's just a nothing.

Michael felt like crying when he ate three pieces of the banana, so overwhelmed. He didn't know why. It was too much for him. He ate more yesterday, he didn't understand why this was so hard for him. Michael let out a shaky breath, hand trembling as he put a fourth slice in his mouth, barely able to chew it.

Suddenly, he felt ill and Michael rushed to the bathroom. He emptied his stomach, relieved as he heaved over the toilet. He coughed, mouth tasting disgusting and frowned as he sat up. He could hear his aunt cleaning up his food and not bothering to ask if he was okay. She didn't care.

After a minute, he knew Calum was probably wondering where he was. Michael was use to throwing up. He's not bulimic, but he had thrown up a few times just from trying to force himself to eat more than usual. Bulimia is when you choose to eat and throw up to get rid of it. He didn't know the full difference, but he knew what he was and he told himself he was neither.

When he brushed his teeth, he made sure to get rid of the taste. He knew Calum wouldn't want to kiss him after he threw up. Since he was use to this, he was prepared. He brushed his tongue and the back of his throat a few extra times, gagging slightly and gargled a lot of mouth wash. Then he rinsed his mouth, put on lip balm, chewed some mints and sprayed his aunt's perfume just in case.

He didn't want Calum to know how weak he was and that he can't handle a few banana pieces. He is suppose to add on a hundred calories each week. That way, he'll be eating eight hundred by the time he's weighed when he goes to the doctor's in a month. He didn't want to be taken away.

Michael frowned, taking his notebook from the counter along with his phone and bookbag. He waved goodbye to his aunt, but she handed him a granola bar with a warning look. Since he didn't eat his full meal, he needed to make up for it and so he reluctantly took it. He crossed out his notes and started over

Granola bar with peanut butter -- 137 calories.

He then figured the few pieces of bananas would add it back up to 184 and so it was all back in place. Michael waved goodbye, heading outside and saw Calum tapping his finger impatiently on the steering wheel. Michael quickly made sure his mouth tasted like mint instead of vomit and was relieved, taking a quick mint again just in case. He was a nervous wreck.

When he got in the passenger side of the car, Calum grinned and leaned over to kiss him quickly. Much to Michael's relief, the boy just chuckled,"You took forever, love."

And Michael was home free.

As they went to school, took Michael's hand in his. Calum noticed, thankfully, Michael wasn't bony. His hands were small, but that was probably just his normal body size. They were cold, though. He held back a frown and just tried not to think about it too much, but knew better than to avoid it.

While he turned a corner, Calum began explaining that his dad talked to a therapist who can see Michael once a week starting Saturday. Michael wasn't at all comfortable with this. He averted his eyes to Calum's hand entwined with his, feeling his breath quicken at the thought of being alone with the person.

Calum noticed his hand was trembling a bit. He gave his boyfriend's hand a small squeeze and told him softly, eyes on the road,"You'll be fine, Mikey. I promise, you will be okay. The first session may be awkward and you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. But, you should try."

"C-Can't talk w-without you or Luke or A-Ashton," The green-haired boy reminded quietly. He can't get help if he can't talk to the therapist.

A frown formed on Calum's face when realizing this. He hesitated and just smiled while pulling into the school parking lot,"Don't worry, sweetheart. The therapist can figure something out. I'm sure they'll be use to this and probably have something prepared in case their patients are mute or selectively mute."

"O-Okay, I just...do I have to?" Michael frowned, wishing he didn't have to go to therapy.

A broken expression covered Calum's face as he said hoarsly,"Baby, you need to go. I -- I wish I could just help you myself, but I can't. I can't save you, Michael. You need to do it on your own and I can help, but I can't be your superman and always make everything better. I wish I could, but I can't."

It hurt to hear that. To know it was true and Calum can swift down from the skin and pick him up, but Michael knew it was true. He appreciated Calum being there and that was enough for him. Calum was his superman anyways.

Michael nodded slowly, noticing Calum went to get out of the car. He grabbed Calum's arm lightly, pulling him back. When Calum went to ask what's wrong, Michael just pressed his lips to the boy's. The action took Calum by surprise, but he chuckled and slowly kissed Michael back, pressing his hand lightly to the pale boy's cheek.

As he let his tongue slip across Michael's bottom lip, Michael parted his lips and face flustered when a small moan left his mouth. The sound made Calum kiss him deeper, tilting his head and quickly unbuckling Michael's seatbelt. Michael panted quietly, moving so he was on Calum's lap and Calum lightly nipped at the smaller boy's lip, pulling him close as he captured Michael's bottom lip before kissing him once again.

Neither remembered they were in a school parking lot, Michael gasping quietly when Calum lightly sucked on the tip of his tongue. He whimpered at the feeling, wrapping his arms around Calum's neck. Calum's hands placed on Michael's small waist, trying to forget for a moment that Michael was so light in his lap. Almost like a feather.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang and Calum jumped at the sound. His face flushed red, seeing a few guys from the team outside the car. Michael was full-on red, hiding his face in Calum's neck in embarrassment. His chest was still heaving and Calum awkwardly opened the door, glaring at the guys.

One of them snorted,"Hey, look it's the new fag and the twig!"

Michael stiffened in Calum's arms, face paling as he pulled away from the boy. He quickly moved from where he was on Calum's lap and got out of the car, stumbling back as one of the guy's approached him. He nervously grabbed his bag and placed it on his shoulder, shakily holding his hand out for Calum.

Before Calum could grab it, Garrett smirked as he eyed Michael,"Nice choice of a gay boyfriend, Calum. You got the anorexic freak who doesn't speak. Definitely dropped from a good quality girlfriend."

The word 'anorexic' caught Calum's attention right away. He looked towards Michael, who was defintely aware that he said that as well. Michael's heart dropped, tugging at his hoodie's sleeves and he shook his head slowly, looking down at his baggy clothing, wondering if they were blind. Because, he's not anorexic. He's so fat. What are they even talking about?

But, Calum seemed so offended by a lie. Michael was surprised as Calum gripped Garrett by his shirt and sneered right in his face,"What the fuck did you just call him?"

"Anorexic," Garrett shrugged, narrowing his eyes with a teasing smirk on his lips. "He is, isn't he? I mean, look at the guy. He can barely even wear those skinny jeans. What a bony little faggot."

A gasp left Michael, seeing Calum punching Garrett right across the face. Michael was in a panic, unsure of what to do as he saw Garrett knee Calum in the stomach. The two started shoving each other more, but suddenly the other guys form the team started joining in when they noticed Calum was winning.

Michael's eyes widened, not able to watch as he saw his boyfriend getting hurt by four guys. He rushed over, hating how people were watching and not doing anything. Michael grabbed onto one of the guy's shirts and trying to shove him off as he tried to get himself to speak. But, he was frightened and worried and his voice just wasn't working.

Feeling more panicked, he was overwhelmed as people gathered around them. Michael could feel himself starting to have an attack when he was crowded. He tried calming down and finally he just took as much of his strength as he could and he balled up his fist, pushing the guy off Calum and punch him right in the jaw.

The guy fell over, much to Michael's surprise as he glanced at Calum and the other guys. Michael was angered, seeing his boyfriend covering his face so it wasn't hit. He shouted without a stutter,"Get the fuck off of him, now!" before kneeing one of the guy's in the balls, making the crumble to the ground as the other two were just in shock that he spoke.

Calum sat up and winced as he did so, also seeming surprise. Michael just crouched down and pulled him into a hug, whispering,"Y-You're okay?"

"Yeah, baby, I'm fine," He replied, glaring up at two guys and finally a teacher came. Right when he almost passed out from the pain in his side where Garrett was kicking him. To think, they use to be friends and Calum would have been the one helping him beat up a person.

Much to Calum's dismay, he was motioned by the teacher with an angered expression along with the other guys. Thankfully, Michael was let free since the teacher didn't see him hit the guys. A frown formed on his face, seeing Calum limping while going into the school.

People were staring at Michael and he felt so overwhelmed. The boy rushed to the school doors, hearing the bell ring right when he entered. He didn't bothering going to his locker. He needed his Malum bear that was in his bag and knew he would get in trouble holding it and carrying it around.

So, he kept it in his bag and when he got to math class, he saw Ashton in the back of the class. Michael hesitated. He and Ashton were closer, but he wasn't sure what they were. Friends? Perhaps, but there was still this tension between them and Michael figured it was because he and Luke had sex. Ashton doesn't show it, but he's obviously jealous of Michael a lot.

Michael didn't get why. Ashton was like perfection and had a very cute face, sexy body and adorable voice. While Michael is selectively mute, has a fat tummy and he's pale with a hideous face. He didn't understand why anyone would be jealous of him. Especially someone as perfect as Ashton.

He nervously walked over to the boy and tapped Ashton's shoulder. Ashton looked up with a small smile, but then frowned when he saw Michael's expression. He asked in concern,"Are you okay? Do you feel like you need to faint? You look more pale than usual."

"F-Fight," Michael breathed out, placing a hand on his throat in confusion. It's been harder for him to speak and he didn't know why When Ashton looked confused, he forced himself to continue,"G-Guy called me anorexic. Calum hurt h-him. H-He's in trouble."

A sympathetic expression formed on Ashton's face and he sighed,"I'm sorry, Michael. I don't think he'll get in much trouble, don't worry. Maybe a few weeks of detention? If his records decent, he should be let off a bit easier. Are you feeling okay, though? You look..not well."

"H-He called me anorexic," Michael furrowed his eyebrows. "I-I'm not. I'm okay."

His confusion broke Ashton's heart and the boy chewed his bottom lip nervously. He looked around before hesitantly placing a hand on Michael's arm. Michael was sat in the desk next to him, making it easy for Ashton to reach over and comfort him if needed.

The boy told Michael softly and as gentle as he could,"Michael, you are anorexic. I know it's hard to understand, but you're very underweight. Nearly fifty pounds. I know you see fat on you, but it's not there." Ashton noticed Michael wasn't understanding and so he asked,"You know how I...self-harm?"

Michael nodded and Ashton asked,"Do you like that I hurt myself?"

"N-No, of course not," He replied instantly, seeming appalled that Ashton even asked that. 

A sad smile formed on Ashton's face,"It's the same thing. Except, I can only die if I cut a vein or loose too much blood.But, I can still live. You can die no matter what. You were so lucky a few days ago, Mikey. So lucky. I--I lost Bradley because he was anorexic. I can't lose you, you're my friend. I care about you. And it hurts to see you hurting yourself like this."

"I-I'm not hurting myself," Michael said defensively, shaking his head slowly. "I'm just n-not hungry. Just need to s-stay like this and--and not eat too much."

Ashton gulped slowly, rolling up his sleeve and showed Michael his butterflies. He pointed to a green one and said with a small smile,"This is you, Michael. You're one of my butterflies and I'm trying to get better. Right now, I understand that you're still in denial. It's normal. I won't get mad at you. But, you need to want to get better. I want to get better. It took a while for me to do that. So, take some time and understand you're not safe right now, okay?"

Before Michael could respond, the boy added,"But, not too much time."

There was a small tension felt and Ashton looked forward. Michael frowned, glancing at Ashton's arm. His sleeve was still rolled up a little and Michael could see the butterflies on his wrist. A lot of green ones were there and he felt happy that Ashton cared about him.

He was very proud of Ashton. It hurt to see his scars on his arms and he knew they would never go away. Ashton was stuck with them for life and it must suck to know that. That Ashton would forever be left with white lines across his wrist and small burn marks that he's had forever. 

He didn't get why people kept saying he needed to get better himself, he's turning beautiful and was almost a the weight he wanted. Just a couple more pounds left to lose. Sadly, people want him to gain some weight and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that. But, he also knew he needed to make his friends and boyfriend not hate him.

He slouched in his seat, frowning as he took out his granola bar. Michael quietly opened the packet and made sure there weren't many crinkle sounds. He took a small piece and ate it slowly. He swallowed it, feeling like he gained about ten pounds just from that small piece.

Throughout the school day, Michael ate. He would put the granola bar in his hoodie pocket and would sneak a few bites. Since he couldn't eat it all at once, he would slowly do so and just eat little by little. Since there was time in between each bite, it worked well.

Sadly, during lunch, Luke made him eat some salad. He refused to add ranch and since the salad was barely any calories, he was forced to eat a couple french fries. He felt sick to his stomach, but Luke had him calm down and distracted him so he didn't throw up his food.

Apparently, Calum has ISS. Which is in school suspension where he's put in a room with other kids and forced to due work quietly. Michael felt so bad. It's fault for kissing him and distracting the boy, making those guys make fun of them. It's all his fault for being a wimp and not helping Calum.

Luke frowned when he saw Michael picking at his food. He nudged his leg and sighed when Michael forced a smile. Luke patted his leg lightly and let him eat quietly. He knew Michael was self-conscious about writing down the calories. He knew Michael thought it was embarrassing, even if there were barely any written down. 

Instead, Luke just turned to Ashton and smiled as he Ashton leaned his head on the boy's shoulder. He was doing his homework that he missed when he stayed at Luke's. They missed school that day, meaning Ashton's parents were happy and he had to do extra work for them.

Luke ate quietly, wrapping an arm around Asthon's waist and kissed his fringed hair. He watched as Ashton did his work and traced small patterns on the boy's waist. He glanced at Michael, still slightly confused as one thought went through his mind.

How did those guys know Michael is anorexic?

-

The thing is, Calum wanted to have sex with Michael.

But, obviously that isn't going to go well and he knew as of now, it won't happen. Mainly because he doesn't want to have sex with Michael when he's so underweight. He's not trying to be mean, he thinks Michael is beautiful. But, he can't help it when he thinks of how hard it would be to even look at how unhealthy he is.

When he saw Michael shirtless, it wasn't extremely gorgeous. He was flat and small, but something's wrong here. The doctor said he was ninety nine pounds, but Michael looked like he weighed a little more. He wasn't bony. Can you be skinny and not bony? Because, that's what Michael looked like.

In Calum's mind, Michael probably weighed a little over a hundred pounds. Maybe a hundred and ten. There's no way he's that small. Calum was frustrated, wondering if the doctor messed something up. He knew Michael was skinny, but he just felt his stomach this morning when they were kissing and he couldn't feel his ribs, so that was good. At least, in his mind it was.

He really wanted to go all the way for his birthday, to show Michael he didn't care what he looked like. But, his plans were messed up and now he had to deal with the fact that Samantha was blabbing about Michael's weight. She must have put two and two together when he fainted and now he's pissed off.

Thankfully, she didn't show up at the club meeting and Michael was sitting in Calum's lap. The boy had his arms around Calum's neck, kissing the place softly as Calum wrapped his arms around his waist. Ashton watched the fondly, then grinned when Luke walked over with the cards.

He pulled one out, grimacing as he read over,"Today's topic is siblings. The question is, do you have a sibling and if so, what do you think of them? If not, what's it like being an only child?"

Luke glanced at Michael to go first. Michael usually sat on the other side of the room, but he just wanted to be held by his boyfriend. He said quietly,"Only c-child. Um, it's lonely...I-I have no one to talk to. O-Or to fight with. Holidays a-are boring. I-I have no one to talk to...I'm not spoiled. M-My parents died and I have no one to-to understand how much it hurt."

A silence fell and Calum looked at his boyfriend with sympathy. He sighed and held him tightly, kissing his cheek lightly and Michael just glanced at his hands. Calum told him with a timid smile,"No, your parents dying is not good. But, think about it this way, love. If you had a sister or brother, you may not have been as close to your parents as you were."

"B-But, they could have been alive still," He retorted, leaning his head on Calum's shoulder.

"Or, they could have still passed and your sister or brother could have been with them," Luke pointed out sadly, frowning and Michael didn't like the thought of that. Luke patted his leg lightly and then looked at Ashton. "Your turn, love. What's it like having a little sister and brother?"

Ashton thought about it for a minute and said,"It's kind of a good thing for me. unlike most siblings, they're really nice. Lauren always gives me food and sneaks me snacks. Harry is a sweetheart and I like having them. Except, I think they're the reason my parents are so harsh on me."

"Why would you think that?" Luke asked in confusion.

The hazel-eyed boy chuckled sadly,"It's not their fault, but it is? Like, my parents wouldn't have been so harsh on me if Lauren or Harry never existed. I don't know which I would prefer. Having no siblings or having no pressure put on me all the time."

"I think, in the end, it's probably worth it," Calum told him with a small smile. He squirmed a little, sitting up more with Michael giggling quietly in his arms. "I hate yet love my sister. She's really nice when she wants to be. When we lived together it was hell. Now that she's moved out, we get along more."

A fond expression formed on Luke's face. He really liked Mali, even if she was intimidating sometimes. She seemed like a really nice girl. They didn't talk much, but the way she stood up for Calum with Luke was amazing. He was really happy to be in the family now.

"Um, I-I have two brothers," Luke admitted with a frown.

Ashton was confused and he asked,"What? How come you never told us?"

"Michael knew," Luke motioned to the guilty looking boy. "I don't talk about them because they never existed. Well, they do. They're alive. But, they were living the life I was. My parents loved them. They treated them like kings and I was just the fool who was stuffed in --in a stupid cage and hurt all the time and they didn't help. They never helped me! They were teenagers, they could have helped me..."

All the boys stared at the blonde, who was biting his lip with tear-filled eyes. He was trying to hold them back, but it wasn't working. Luke let out a small sob and Ashton rushed over to his boyfriend. He shushed him quietly, wrapping his arms around Luke as the boy cried quietly.

Luke rambled with his face hidden into Ashton's hair,"D-Did they hate me or something? Did I do something wrong? W-Why didn't they help me? I was just a little kid, I didn't know any better. They haven't even called me or check if I was okay. T-They didn't care about me, did they?"

"Luke," Calum spoke quietly. "It's okay now. Your brothers are jerks and they don't deserve you. You know what? They're out of your life and you have two brothers, forgetting the fact that you slept with one," the tension cleared slightly as they all laughed a little despite the situation. Calum then smirked into Ashton's direction,"And you have an amazing boyfriend who loves you."

Luke nodded slowly, pulling away from Ashton and went to wipe his eyes. But, Ashton just gently did it instead, pressing a small kiss to Luke's lips. The action made Luke's heart flutter and he sighed softly, embracing his boyfriend. He was so happy to have Ashton, to hold and love him as the boy did the same.

After a while of talking about stories with their siblings, Michael feeling left out but keeping quiet, they started packing up to leave. Calum took Michael alone to the back room, having Michael strip to boxers to check his weight. Michael was very self-conscious as they did this.

He wrapped his arms around himself and Calum smiled timidly as Michael stepped up on the scale. As it spun the numbers, Michael tried untensing and blushed as Calum stared at his body. He nervously looked at the numbers and soon it stopped, reading off;

107 pounds.

Calum furrowed his eyebrows, shaking his head slowly. The doctor is either off a few pounds of Michael is. Because, Michael is just wearing boxers, so he can't be adding weight and this just wasn't right. Michael was grimacing at the number and Calum sighed as the boy got dressed.

The thing is, Calum has a way he wants to help Michael. He thought, the best way to get Michael to open up more is to get him around some people. Which is why he asked if Michael wanted to hang out today and Michael of course agreed eagerly, kissing him and trying to forget the huge number he was given as a weight.

Suddenly, there was a loud thud and a person's voice talking. Calum glanced at Michael, helping him put his hoodie on and then grabbed his hand. He went out into the classroom and saw the principal looking around the room and Luke stuttering out words to him with a panicked expression.

Much to Calum's annoyance, Samantha was stood behind the principal and Calum asked curiously,"What's going on?"

"I have heard some rumors going around about Michael Clifford." Michael stiffened, hiding behind Calum with his hands on the boy's shoulders. The man said with a apologetic smile,"The sources told me Samantha started them. I have been informed by the girl that this club was talking about self-harm, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, etc. We are needing to have it shut down by school policy."

"What?!" Luke's eyes widened and he shook his head frantically. "No, sir.Please. We're helping each other, I promise. This is like a group therapy for us. I'm sorry for putting up false flyers, but please. We need this club it's the only way we can be around eachother."

Ashton added with a desperate expression,"It's helping, I promise. We're just helping each other. It's not a bad thing, we're not doing anything wrong."

They couldn't lose the club. Not after all that they went through. It was their safe spot, where they all meet up in the end and help one another. It caused some problems, but it always fixed them as well. It healed the four and was slowly making each other them better.

However. the man just shook his head and he motioned for the boys to follow him. The four guys followed slowly, all distraught as they walked passed Samantha. The girl smirked and gave them a small wave as she headed out. She was given a three day suspension and it really wasn't fair in any of the boy's opinions.

When they got to the principal's office, they all sat in front of his desk and waited as he called their parents. Apparently putting a fake club in a school can be illegal if it's dealing with harmful things. Since Michael was recently in the hospital, the man basically blamed them for it. 

Luckily, they weren't in much trouble. They were just taken away the club and now they were let free to go home. Luke and the boys went to the room, frowning as they grabbed their things. Luke hesitated before taking the basket of topics written down and he glanced at the suitcase holding their time capsule objects and heard his name called. He hesitated, but rushed out and left them there.

The four guys went down the hall and glanced back at the room once more. Michael frowned, but a small smile was on his face when Calum took his hand and gave his a squeeze. Michael walked closer to him and Luke wrapped an arm around Ashton's shoulder when seeing the boy was looking the most upset.

Once outside, Michael and Calum waved goodbye to the other two and Luke nodded at Calum as if to say I'll see you home. He then turned to Ashton and saw how he looked near to tears. He sighed and pressed his lips to the boy's, whispering softly,"We'll be okay, Ash. We don't need the club, we just need each other. We're still misfits, with or without the club."

Ashton nodded slowly, sighing in Luke's arms and a loud honk was heard. He grimaced when seeing his mother pulling up and he noticed her glaring at him along with his father. Ashton looked at Luke and the blonde pulled away from him and went towards his car.

However, Ashton halted on his way to his parents. He then grabbed Luke's arm and turned him back around. Before Luke could ask anything, Ashton slammed his lips on the boy's and deeply kissed him. Luke melted under his touch, forgetting about his parents and kissed him back.

Ashton pulled away with a small smirk and just left the love struck blonde. He grinned cheekily as he got in the car, blowing Luke a kiss and saw his parents were stunned in the front seat. They pulled out of the driveway and Ashton sighed, awaiting the screaming which he was given.

"You are ground for two months young man, no exceptions!" His dad shouted, glaring at him from the rear view mirror. "First, for getting a B- on your English essay! Secondly, for not telling us where you were on Thursday and skipping school, and lastly, for lying about where you've been for the past few months!"

Ashton's jaw clenched as he said,"I told you. My friend was in the fucking hospital and my boyfriend and other friend was upset, okay?! I needed to be their for them! They needed me and I wasn't going to go to school if Luke was upset. I was making sure he was okay, unlike what you guys do for me!"

"What are you talking about, mister? We make sure you're okay and that's why were ground you. So you can boost your grades back up," His mum argued, turning down the corner.

A look of disbelief crossed his face,"Are you kidding me?! I -- I cut myself and I have anxiety and I barely eat because you don't feed me. All you care about is my grades and stupid school and stupid universities rather than your own son. But, I've been better now, wanna know why?" 

They didn't have time to reply and Ashton just told them simply,"Because, my friends care about me more than my own jacked up parents. And now, the club where I was getting better at is ended and I don't even know what the hell I'm going to do anymore or how I'm going to be able to stop myself from relapsing. But,it's not like you care, anyways. Me hurting myself doesn't affect my grades, apparently."

His parents didn't reply, just looking at him in surprise. Ashton didn't spare them a glance, looking out the window as he wiped his damp eyes with his sleeve. He let out a shaky breath and took out his phone to text Luke and tell him that he's grounded.

He didn't know what he was thinking when he snapped at them like that. It's not really their fault. He puts the blade to his skin and they can't control whether or not he has anxiety. But, they don't really help with either of those things. Plus, they don't feed him.

When they got home, Ashton rushed inside and ignored his parents calls. His brother and sister were in the living room and frowned when seeing him running upstairs. His dad chased after him, grabbing his arm lightly and Ashton just snatched it away as he went into his room and slammed his door.

His dad was knocking on the door and rattling the handle. Ashton blanked out the yelling, sniffling quietly as he counting down from a hundred to stop from wanting to hurt himself. He blinked up at the ceiling, holding back the urge to scream and cry and call Luke. He can do this on his own. He doesn't need to bother his boyfriend every time he's sad.

It took a few hours for him to complete calm down after studying and distracting himself, but it work. After a while, Ashton grabbed his marker and he wrote out Bradley's name in a tiny, blank spot. He stared at the name, then crawled towards his side table. He pulled out a small picture of Bradley and him from their first date after the spelling bee.

A small smile formed on his lips, seeing how dorky he looked with his straightened hair and glasses along with his polo shirt. While, Bradley had cute braces and swooshy, brown hair. He looked a lot better than Ashton and then he heard a beep coming from his phone.

Ashton put the photo back and tucked it under his math text book. He grabbed his phone and could hear his parents talking about him in the room next door. He sighed and just looked at his phone, a grin tugging at his corner lip when he saw Luke texting him a cute selfie and he was happy. He didn't cut and he's okay now.

Meanwhile, Michael was in the corner of a house he didn't know the owner of and he shyly looked around. He was at a party and he didn't know anyone except the people from the track team and Calum, who was getting some drinks despite already having a few.

Michael didn't know they were going to a party, but Calum insisted it would help him loosen up. He didn't force Michael to drink or anything, he just suggested it and when Michael said no, Calum didn't pester him. Instead, he just gulped down two drinks and now he's getting a lot more.

At first, Calum seemed okay but then he was getting loopy and really upset. He seemed to be an emotional drunk. At least, he was tonight and Michael was nervously fiddling with his fingers when he saw Calum returning. His body swaying and drink nearly spilling from how full it was in the cup.

Calum let out a laugh, clumsily running into Michael. The boy stumbled, grabbing onto Calum and the taller boy exclaimed,"Yo, Kitty cat. Guess what!? This girl is strippin'! Isn't that hilarious? I mean, she's totally wasted. Like, legit drunk."

"I-I wanna go home," Michael pleaded in a quiet voice, apprehensively looking around as he felt Calum kissing his neck. Michael shook his head, chest heaving as he looked at his drunk boyfriend.

Calum pouted, tugging Michael close,"Babe, c'monnn. Dance with me!"

"N-No," Michael retorted, but Calum was grabbing him and pulling him to the dance floor anyways, where others were grinding and twerking.

When Calum started dancing against the boy, Michael was grimacing and shaking his head. He stood still, looking down at his hands and he felt so out of place. He doesn't like dancing, he doesn't like parties and he doesn't like people.

Clearly, Calum felt comfortable as he kept drinking his beer and moving against Michael. He kept sucking and kissing his neck. It felt nice and Michael would love it if Calum wasn't drunk and they weren't at a party.

As he continued kissing down his neck, Michael noticed a guy staring at them and people were joining on the floor. It was crowded and Michael was panicking. He shoved Calum away again and pleaded in a broken voice,""T-Take me home! D-Don't like it here, Calum. P-Please, can we g-go now?"

However, Calum just laughed and pressed his lips to Michael's. It was way too wet and gross and forced. Michael felt disgusted at the taste of alcohol and pushed Calum away,"N-No, don't."

"M'sorry, baby," Calum chuckled, taking a gulp of his drink and offered Michael. "You look so tense, Mikey. Just take a sip, kay? Imma get some more. Be back in a second, babes."

Michael grimaced, taking the drink and he hesitated as he looked at the red cup. There was only a little and he chewed on his bottom lip when looking around the room. With a sigh, he shyly went through the crowd of people and winced whenever someone elbowed him or shoved him away.

Finally, he made it outside in the backyard and was relieved of the fresh air. Michael took out his phone, unsure of what to do. He looked back at the house and sat on the steps with the cup in his hand. Maybe he should just wait until Calum is ready to leave, but that could take hours. It's only eleven.

He looked at the cup and paused before just drinking the rest and grimaced at the taste. He smacked his lips distastefully before shaking his head and tossing the cup to the side. He didn't feel anything and just shrugged, then heard a door slamming. Michael looked up, stumbling forward when he saw a bunch of kids coming out and talking loudly.

His social anxiety started acting up and Michael felt himself going into a small panic. What if his drink was spiked? What if someone took advantage of him? What if he was going to be used for a prank or videotaped doing something stupid then bullied more? He couldn't stop as terrible thoughts filled his mind.

Michael frowned and he went through the group of people. A few laughed, some jokingly teasing him about being a wuss and it being his first party. No, it's not his first. One grabbed his arm and Michael winced, seeing a guy joke,"Aw, has the cat got your tongue, sweetheart?"

A feared expression crossed Michael's face and he snatched his arm away and rubbed the sore spot. Michael ran down the steps and to the front of the house as he heard a group of people laughing at his retreating form. He couldn't believe Calum would take him here. Especially since he knew Michael was social anxiety.

Michael snatched out his phone, texting Luke and was relieved that the blonde replied within a couple minutes. He figured him and Ashton were texting each other. Michael waited on the curb at the corner of the street and shivered slightly at the cold breeze.

He shouldn't have came and he knew that. But, he had no idea where Calum was taking him and figured they were just going on a date somewhere. Apparently he was wrong because this wasn't a date at all. If it was, then this was the worst date ever and he hated it. A lot.

Finally, Luke pulled up to the corner and opened the door for Michael. A breath of relief left Michael and he got in the passenger seat. Luke didn't ask why or what happened. He just handed Micahel his jacket and Michael thanked him, pulling it over his hoodie and leaned his head against the window.

Luke spared him a few glances, making sure he was okay and he went to Michael's place. He had to sneak out, but it was going to be worth it. His friend needed him. He wasn't sure what happened, but he did see a few pictures of a party on instagram and judging by the smell of alcohol, he put the pieces together.

A look of disbelief was on his face, not able to believe Calum took Michael to a party. He pulled into Michael's driveway. He turned off the car and Michael was confused when seeing him unbuckling his seat belt. Luke chuckled,"I'm staying the night, Mikey. C'mon, let's get you to bed."

Michael smiled, nodding and he followed Luke inside. Thankfully, his aunt was asleep and Michael sneaked Luke into his room. The blonde left some clothes from before and was happy to see they were still there. Michael locked the door just in case and glanced at Luke.

They both changed into pajamas and Luke frowned as he looked over Michael's body. He then sighed and just crawled into bed with his friend. Michael clung onto his Malum bear and he turned to Luke, hesitating before pressing a small kiss to his friend's cheek.

"Thank you," Michael said, no stutter in his words and Luke smiled. 

He just nodded and watched as Michael turned his face to the wall. He was tense and small and curled up in a tiny ball. As if afraid to take up too much space. Luke knew it wasn't for the reasons most people would think. It was because Michael thought he was fat and would take up too much room.

Luke sighed and grabbed his phone.He noticed Ashton texted him a sweet dreams and Luke did the same. He then knew this was wrong, but he went to Calum's dad's contact and he started a new message. He sent the man a text, telling him Calum was drunk at a party because he knew he was. Or else he would had dropped Michael off at home.

It was wrong on so many levels, embarrassing for Calum even. But, if he didn't text his dad, then Calum could have been hurt or stupid enough to drive home drunk. In the end, Calum may get angry at Luke, but at least he would be home safe and grounded at the most.

With that in mind, Luke turned on his side and faced Michael's back. He wasn't sure how to act now. They're both taken by great people. However, Luke scooted close and he wrapped his arms around Michael, spooning the smaller boy and heart broke at how tiny he is.

He was mad at himself for not noticing when they use to cuddle. He always cuddled Michael and didn't even know he was a twig basically. But, he'll get better now. They will all be better and just because the club ended and was taken away from them, doesn't mean they're taken away from each other.


	37. Chapter 37

It was hard for Luke to even understand what the hell Calum was thinking when he got drunk with Michael. He noticed the faint smell of alcohol on Michael's breath and hoped he didn't drink a lot. Michael can't drink alcohol now, he's having health issues and this could effect.

Since Michael has a lack of fat, he could get drunk quicker and it would be easier to get alcohol poisoning. Luke was so angry at Calum. Why take Michael to a party? That is probably the worst decision he's ever made and Luke knew Calum made a lot of dumb decisions in his life time.

This isn't even about Calum's life, though. It's about him being careless with Michael when he literally just got out of the hospital seven days ago. His body is weak right now and Luke thought out of all the boys, Calum would be the one trying to prevent him from getting hurt. Yet, he takes him to a party where there's drugs, alcohol and a lot of drunk people.

He knew Michael was old enough to handle himself, but he's an oblivious person who rarely says no. Michael was a great person who is very smart and caring. But, when it comes to himself, Michael never learns to take care of himself. He's just a little dork who cares more about others. 

When Luke woke up, he grumbled quietly and saw Michael fast asleep still. He unraveled his arms from the boy and grabbed his phone, seeing Mr.Hood texted him to come home now. A grimace formed on his lips when he also saw Calum texted him and he didn't bother reading it, knowing he was just going to be pissy about what he did.

Luke chewed his bottom lip nervously and ran his fingers through Michael's soft hair. He hesitated and pressed a small kiss to his forehead before slowly shaking him awake. He didn't want to wake him up, but he didn't want to leave without talking to Michael. They haven't talked in so long. 

This is their first time being alone together in probably a couple months. It's February already and they haven't talked alone since maybe December. It made Luke feel bad, because Michael is his best friend and his life. Yet, he's been focusing more on everyone else when his friend was slowly dying under his nose.

Michael hummed quietly, letting out a snuffly sound and blinked his eyes open slowly. Luke smiled timidly, letting his fingertips brush across the boy's cheek. It seemed intimate, but Luke just missed him a lot. He may be Calum's kitten, but he's still Luke's lion. 

A small yawn left Michael's lips that he covered with his sleeve-covered hand. He noticed Luke was sat up and smiled, scooting into the boy's lap. He placed his head on Luke's thigh and the blonde played with Michael's green-hair gently, just twirling the strands for a moment.

But, then he said,"I need to go home, but I needed to ask you something. I know you are having a hard time at the moment. You know, from what happened last week and what Calum just did. But, I--I need to know how. How did this start? You being...anorexic."

"I-I'm not," Michael retorted in a sleepy voice, leaning into his friend's touch.

His words made Luke's heart drop slightly. He nodded slowly, knowing Ashton was right and Michael isn't believing he's anorexic. He remembered how Ashton talked to him before Michael walked over to the table at lunch. The boy was so concerned and Luke's glad Ashton cares for Michael almost as much as he does.

Deciding to play along, Luke nodded,"Alright, um. Then when did you want to start losing weight? What, like, triggered it? Because, you use to not care, love. I'm just worried s'all."

"Um," Michael nervously sat up slowly. He fidgeted with his fingers and looked at Luke.

Seeing he didn't want to answer right away, Luke patiently waited and knew it must be hard for him to admit. It was sad, since Michael usually can tell him anything. But, this was different. It's not just about school, dating or friends. This is about himself. Michael's health and body, something so personal to him.

Michael frowned a little, slowly moving his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He never talks about. The boys never asked. They just knew he was losing too much weight, apparently, and that's all that mattered to them. For Michael to gain it, though they never bothered asking why he lost it in the first place.

Michael chewed his bottom lip before speaking quietly,"R-Remember when we had...sex?"

"Of course," Luke chuckle awkwardly, glancing down. They don't like to speak of it, because it's the past and to not be brought up. However, it obviously had some part of the reason.

The smaller boy mumbled,"Um, I just...f-felt ugly. Cause, y-you were so pretty and had a n-nice body." He blushed a little, feeling uncomfortable talking about it."And, m-my tummy was bigger. Just wanted t-to be like you? And, other people. C-Cause, I'm bigger."

A pang hit Luke's heart, taking in what Michael said. He caused Michael's anorexia? Maybe not fully, but he was what triggered it. Michael started not eating because he saw Luke and compared himself to him. Luke made him feel ugly and fat. He made his best friend insecure.

He didn't understand why Michael thought he was fat. He wasn't perfectly skinny when they had sex. He had a small tummy and it wasn't bad. Surely if he worked out, it could go away but it wasn't necessary. Luke remembers complimenting during sex, so he didn't get it. Why was Michael so insecure when he's beautiful the way he is? 

Luke is confident with his appearance. He can see the flaws, but they don't bother him. He knows that he has a cute face, of course sometimes having acne, but doesn't everyone? And, he can see he has a nice toned, body with decent arms. But, he can also get annoyed with his legs and broad shoulders. However, Ashton says he likes them, so he believes him.

Maybe Calum isn't complimenting Michael enough. Or, maybe Michael just isn't taking the compliments. Sometimes people can't take a compliment because they think the person is lying. if that's what Michael feels, then Luke is just hopelessly unsure on how to help his friend.

Much to his dismay, Mr.Hood texted him again and told him to get home. He sighed and reluctantly pulled Michael into a tight hug. He didn't want to leave Michael, but he knew he had to. So, he pressed a small kiss to his cheek and gave him a tiny wave goodbye before heading out.

Thankfully, Michael's aunt was home and most likely showering, so she would make him eat a little. He was proud of Michael for trying to eat. He even saw his little notebook with the list of foods he ate and it wasn't a lot, definitely not. However, it was more than before.

On his way to his home (It's still weird to call it that) he nervously tapped his finger on the steering wheel. He hoped he wouldn't get into too much trouble. He didn't even tell Calum's parents where he was last night and that was one of the few rules they gave him.

As he stopped at a red light, he saw his phone flash and reached over to grab it. He occasionally looked up, so he could see the light changing and saw Ashton texted him. He smiled, asking Ashton if he wanted to hang out tonight. He remembered how Calum's parents were going to be gone and he wanted to hang out with Ashton alone, so maybe he can get Calum to leave as well.

When the light turned green, he put the phone away so he wouldn't get distracted. By the time he got home, he nervously went up the steps and went in. As he walked in, he was met with the sight of an angry and hungover Calum along with his parents who didn't seem pleased.

Mr.Hood's head snapped up and he angrily stood up. Luke's face paled as the man shouted,"Where have you been?! You left in the middle of the night and didn't even tell us where you were! Do you know how irresponsible that is? Not to mention, you just texted me saying my son was out drunk?!"

Luke flinched, heart pounding in his chest as he stumbled back at the loud voice. He clenched his eyes shut, shaking his head and stuttered,"I-I'm sorry, I just --"

"No, I'm sorry won't fix this young man! We took you in and gave you a home, you need to be responsible and learn that our rules are meant to be followed! You can't just go out when you please!" The man continued with a small sneer, voice raised higher.

It's been so long since Luke was yelled at. Aside from by Calum or Ashton, he's not use to being shouted at by an adult anymore. He didn't like it at all. His hands were trembling slightly and he felt images flash in his mind, his dad's angered face, red from yelling.

Luke's chest heaved slightly, shakily scooting back so he was pressed against the wall. He let out a small whimper, mumbling 'please don't' and 'I'm sorry' as he flinched at the images of his dad hitting him. How he yelled at him. How his mum didn't care. So afraid Mr.Hood would hit him.

The man's eyes widened, face going from anger to concern as he assured,"No, Luke. Don't -- Don't do that. It's okay, I'm just upset, okay?" He reached out to comfort the young boy, only for Luke to flinch.

Luke pleaded weakly,"P-Please, don't hit me. Please. I'm sorry I was bad, I'm so sorry. Please don't -- don't hit me."

A look of horror crossed Mr.Hood's face and he shook his head frantically. Before he could speak, Calum rushed over and he crouched down next to Luke, lightly placing a hand on his shoulder. He was speaking, but Luke couldn't hear as he had his hands pressed to his ears to block out the yelling.

Suddenly, there was someone pulling him up and Luke felt tears trailing down his cheek frantically. He could tell it was Calum, the touch familiar somehow and he let Calum lead him upstairs. Calum had an arm around Luke's waist and kept whispering comforting words as he led the boy upstairs.

He occasionally glanced back at his parents, nodding and they gave him a proud smile. They were leaving for the night and were worried to leave them alone, but he promised to care for Luke. He may be grounded from being drunk, but they trusted them enough.

Even if they weren't the best to care for themselves. They didn't leave yet, though. Since Michael has to go to therapy today and Mr.Hood wanted to be there and make sure it goes well. Plus, he needed to sign some things.

When he got to the room, Calum led Luke to bed and let him lay down. He winced at the pounding in his head, the Advil not working quickly enough. He sighed and grabbed his phone, texting Michael. He wasn't sure what to say, but clicked Michael's name and just typed.

[To: My Kitten (Mikey)]

I'm so sorry about last night, love. I really am! I didn't think and I was being stupid. I can explain, just come by? I really am sorry, kitten. Please let me pick you up or something? x your therapy session is at 4, too. You can't miss it, love. x ): 

He sighed and waited, going over to where Luke was sniffling quietly and curled up in a small ball. Calum felt awkward, not knowing what to do or say. He just sat at the foot of the bed, hesitantly letting his hand place on Luke's side, lightly rubbing the spot in a soothing fashion.

Luke looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes and Calum reached over, handing him a tissue for his snotty nose. Luke sheepishly took it and blew his nose before tossing it in the trashcan with a grimace. A small laugh left Calum and he was happy to see a small smile on Luke's lips.

For a moment, Luke laid down but then he sat up. He glanced at Calum and said weakly,"I'm sorry for -- for accusing your dad of hitting me. It was so rude and -- and I didn't mean to do that."

"Don't apologize, Luke. You're still going through things with your father's abuse, of course you'll get flinch-y when an adult comes around you and yells," Calum assured, placing a hand on Luke's shoulder in a friendly gesture. "If anything, my dad should apologize. He knew your dad hit you and didn't learn from that. But, he was just mad, okay?"

Luke timidly nodded,"Um, I'm sorry for telling on you."

"It's fine," Calum grumbled, glancing down. "I guess I deserved it. I shouldn't have even went to the party, I was being stupid. And -- And I think you helped me."

"How?" Luke asked in confusion.

A disgusted look was on Calum's face as he admitted,"T-There was this guy and he kept staring at me? Like, I'm use to being stared at. Cause, I'm good looking and stuff." Luke rolled his eyes. "But, he kept flirting with me and trying to get me to dance. He asked me to go upstairs and I don't remember much. But, my dad showed up and had me come home."

"You didn't do anything with the guy, right?" Luke furrowed his eyebrows, concerned.

Thankfully, Calum shook his head,"No, I'd remember if I did. I kept rejecting him cause I love Michael a lot. I'd never cheat on him. The guy just made me really uncomfortable, though."

Luke nodded in understanding, leaning his head on Calum's shoulder,"I...I think if your dad didn't get there in time, he would've --"

"I know," Calum breathed out, fiddling with his fingers. "It doesn't matter now. It was last night. It's okay. Listen, I should probably take a shower. Michael's coming by and he has his first therapy session soon. What are you going to do when my -- I mean, our parents leave? My dad is gonna drive me and Michael in my car and mum's following in theirs. He's just dropping us off to sign some papers and they're leaving right after."

"Oh," Luke hesitated. "Can you stay at Michael's tonight? Um, I -- I just wanna spend some time alone with Ash."

An amused look was given,"And why is that?"

A blush coated Luke's cheeks and he nervously tugged at his shirt, playing with the ends. "I just...think maybe, since your parents are gonna be out, it's like, the only opportunity we can -- we can do anything. And, you're kind of in the way of that considering you're gonna be here...please? Just in case, you know? He may not even be ready, but if he is then I want it to be tonight."

Calum let out a small chuckle and he rolled his eyes, but just smiled and nodded. "Alright, just remember to be safe and don't have sex on my bed."

Luke scoffed and threw a pillow at the boy. Calum snickered as he rushed after grabbing his clothes. He rushed to the bathroom and could hear his parents talking. When eavesdropping, he could overhear them talking about Luke and frowned at the sadness and regret in his dad's voice. 

It wasn't his dad's fault. He's a man who's use to yelling, because let's face it, Calum got in a shit load of trouble. He just wasn't aware that Luke's dad scarred him that much. He didn't think and like most parents, he yelled and shouted without realizing how much it can effect the teen.

In the end, Calum just sighed sadly and went over to his shower. He stripped down as the shower warmed up, getting his phone and saw Michael replied. He just said 'okay' and Calum frowned. He shouldn't have expected a big response, since he did hurt his boyfriend's feelings.

He doesn't remember much of what he did, but he hoped it wasn't anything too bad. Michael deserves more than a stupid boyfriend who almost hurts him. Calum loves Michael and Michael is his everything. He wanted to show him he's beautiful and make him feel loved. He'll need to wait, though, because he messed up and Michael needs to focus on his health.

When he got in the shower, he felt relaxed as the steaming water hit in his back and drops of water ran down his body. A relieved sensation filled him and he was worried. Worried about how therapy will go for Michael, but hopefully it will all work out and Michael can finally realize his body isn't meant to be this small.

-

It wasn't that Michael didn't want to see Calum, because he did. He was just scared to see him. Is it normal to be scared of your boyfriend? Because, that's what he felt. After last night, he didn't know how to act around Calum. He felt so pressured and different.

Calum was never like that with him before. If Michael said no, Calum always respected his wishes and wouldn't make him do anything he didn't want to. But, last night, Calum was pushy and didn't respect Michael's wishes. In Calum's defense, he was drunk, but that doesn't change anything.

Which is why, when Michael got in the car with Mr.Hood and Calum, he just said a small 'hi' and that was all. Calum kept glancing back and frowning whenever their eyes met, considering Michael would quickly averted his eyes to his lap and trying not to look at him.

By the time they got to the building, Mr.Hood talked to the lady at the front desk and told her to make sure Michael goes to the session. He then went to Michael and hesitated before saying,"You need to be open with the lady, okay? The only way this can help is if you try and my son really loves you. You make him happy and I care about you, yeah? You deserve to be healthy and to do that, you need to open up to the therapist."

Michael nodded slowly, timidly waving to the man and Calum scooted towards Michael. They had a few minutes before Michael's session and Michael was nervous as he shakily played with the string of his jumper. He was trying not to make any type of reaction to Calum.

It was childish, but he didn't care. He just occasionally threaded his fingers together, then ruffled his hair a bit. He was trying to occupy himself. It was boring for a while. Until, finally Calum was annoyed and gave up. He grabbed Michael's hand and tugged him towards the restrooms.

They were ones with stalls and Michael tried pulling away. However, Calum gave him a pleading look and shut the door behind him. He paced for a moment and Michael leaned against the door of the restroom, frowning and watching his boyfriend looking unsure of what he should do.

Calum finally spoke up,"I'm really sorry, Michael. I truly am. I messed up so bad. I was just so angry."

"A-At me?" Michael asked quietly, glancing down.

A look of disbelief crossed Calum's face. He shook his head and walked over to his boyfriend, lifting his chin,"Never. Michael, god, I could never be angry at you. You're my little kitten." Calum frowned as he placed his hands on Michael's waist. "Emphasis on little, love."

"It--It's good," Michael assured, smiling weakly. "I-I like being little. M'not f-fully little, though."

Calum let out a small, watery laugh,"Oh, sweetheart. We should make sure you don't miss your session." He then added, kissing Michael softly,"I really am sorry about last night, though. I shouldn't have taken you to the party. I was upset over the club ending and everything just blew up. I guess I wanted to forget it."

"S'okay, y-you didn't mean to," Michael shrugged.

"It's not okay, but let's go," Calum took Michael's hand and led him out the room.

They went to the waiting area and Michael sat at the chairs. They weren't comfy and he would sit in Calum's lap, but he didn't feel that was okay. So, he leaned his head on Calum's shoulder instead. It was a long wait, sadly, and they assume the therapist was busy or running late.

While waiting, Calum went on his phone and it was too quiet to talk. Almost like they were forced into silence since no one else waiting was talking. Michael was bored and noticed a few magazines on the table.He hesitated before grabbing one and Calum just wrapped an arm around his shoulder when he sat back up and was still on his phone.

As Michael flicked through the pages, it was typical. There were articles on Kim Kardashian and Ariana Grande. He read over the article, smiling softly at the talk of her relationship with Big Sean. Despite not being a fan of the guy, he seemed to care for her. Almost like Calum cares for Michael.

However, he reached to some photos of shirtless guys. They were muscular and not fat. They had biceps and abs, they were so perfect. It was as if they were sculpted from God. Michael wanted to look like that. But, that involved working out.He wished not eating could make him get abs as well.

He then flicked to pages of girls in bikinis and underwear. He eyed them, seeing how skinny they were and they looked so beautiful. He was just a fatass. But, he's getting smaller. His tummy has shrunken and he was still fat, however. He just needed to lose a few more pounds, then maybe he can look good too. 

Suddenly, the magazine was snatched from him and Michael frowned as Calum placed it on the table. He shook his head slowly and Michael looked down in shame. He shouldn't have looked at it.But, maybe the office shouldn't be putting them out to where insecure people can read them.

Before Calum could scold him, a sweet voice said,"Michael Clifford?"

Michael tensed, looking at Calum in a panic. When he went to speak, Calum just motioned him to go and Michael paused for a moment. But, soon enough he stood up and nervously walked over to the lady with a clipboard. He spared a small glance at Calum when being led to the room and timidly smiled when Calum gave him a thumbs up.

When he reached the room, he noticed how clean and organized it was. Michael nodded at the lady that opened the door for him and slowly walked in. A lady in button up shirt, blazer over and hair in a ponytail was sat in a round chair. She had a notebook in her hand and pencil tucked behind her ear.

A sweet smile painted her red lips as she spoke in a posh accent,"Have a seat, Mr.Clifford. Or would you rather me address you as Michael?"

Michael shrugged.

She nodded and watched as nervously sat down. He kept his face blank, not wanting her to read his emotions. Therapy isn't something he wants to do, it's something he has to do. Or, else he will be taken away from the people who he loves and he doesn't want that.

"So, my name is Dr.Collins. But, you can call me Stacy if that makes you more comfortable." He didn't say anything and she just smiled, which kind of annoyed him,"Mr.Hood told me why you're here. I noticed that's not your sir name, what is Mr.Hood to you?"

Michael shrugged.

The lady pursed her lips, scrawling something out in her notebook. That bugged him. She basically wrote down anything. He didn't even speak, what the fuck does she have to write? He nervously tugged on his sleeves, pulling them over his hands and she seemed to have noticed.

Dr.Collins asked,"Are you nervous?"

He nodded.

"Well, don't be. This is between you and me, Michael. Anything said in here is confidential," she told him. "Let's start with something simple. How is your family?"

Michael hesitated. He went to speak, but his voice wouldn't work. He snapped his mouth shut and looked down. He wasn't comfortable with her. He couldn't talk. So, he just moved his pointer finger and thumb to form a motion as if saying 'small' and 'little'. 

She seemed to have understood and asked curiously,"Why won't you speak?"

He placed a hand over his throat, shaking his head. Suddenly, her eyes lit up and she got up. He watched her in confusion and saw her going to a small closet. The lady was rather short, maybe 5'4. She looked quite young as well. Perhaps around the age in mid-twenties.

He didn't know if he liked that or not. But, she returned before he could think it through. She handed him a whiteboard and dry erase marker. Michael then understood that she wanted him to write down his answers. He fiddled with the dry erase marker cap and nodded.

She then asked,"So, how is school?"

Michael grimaced and she chuckled lightly. He thought about it before shrugging and writing out 'it's stressful'. He wanted to be honest, because if he wasn't, then he won't get better. He didn't think he needed to gain weight, but he knew there was something wrong with him if people wanted him in therapy.

"That's normal," She commented while writing something down. "Do you have any close friends or maybe even a girlfriend? Someone that makes you feel less stressed?"

Michael tensed. He glanced down awkwardly and she noticed. A curious gaze appeared on her face and she added,"Or maybe even a boyfriend."

A relieved feeling covered Michael and he sheepishly nodded. He wrote down 'his name is Calum and his dad is Mr.Hood'. When she read it over, the lady just nodded. She didn't look disgusted or ashamed. She just seemed neutral about it and that made Michael a little more comfortable.

Throughout the session, Michael didn't talk about his weight. She didn't bring up the anorexia. But, that's simply because the first sessions are to make the person feel safe to talk. Michael just told her about school and how he and Calum got together. How he met Ashton and the boy was his friend.

But, who he talked about most is Luke. He didn't talk, though, he wrote things down. Like, how he misses Luke and wished they were close like before. However, he added that he understood Luke was dating Ashton and dealing with personal problems as well.

The hour went by rather fast and he was happy to leave. Even if he's not hating therapy anymore, he doesn't like it. His therapist was nice, but he preferred Calum. Which is why he smiled when he saw Calum waiting for him. He greeted the boy with a kiss and then they left as Michael stuttered about his therapy session while Calum listened with a smile.

Meanwhile, Luke and Ashton were laughing and cooking some food. They were trying to make mac and cheese and were failing terrible. Luke let out chuckles as Ashton scolded him for burning the first attempt. It was fun and amusing since Ashton rarely gets mad at him.

Ashton was a much better cook than Luke, but he wanted to help make mac and cheese since the night was suppose to be romantic. He reluctantly sat back though and leaned against the counter as Ashton stirred the noodles in the pot and he watched him fondly.

He wore this cute sweater that was a dark red, almost black. It was slightly big on him and he also had his hair in a fringe like always. Only, he was wearing his glasses and it seemed like he never didn't wear them. Unless he was sleeping of course. Which isn't enough for Luke, because he wanted to see his pretty eyes.

When the mac and cheese was done, Luke eagerly took his bowl from Ashton and they went to the family room to watch a movie. Luke put in 'Spiderman' since it's Ashton's favorite superhero movie. They had some blankets out despite Luke wearing sweatpants, a half-sleeve shirt and socks.

They ate during the beginning and Ashton grimaced at how sloppy Luke ate. He was the person who always annoyingly ate with his mouth open and Ashton kept kicking him and glaring. Luke rolled his eyes, but ate with his mouth closed. During the movie, Ashton was telling Luke how he got to stay the night.

"I just sneaked out. My mum is rather oblivious to the many times I did this. She will notice eventually, however I don't really give a shit. Cause, I wanted to spend time with you," Ashton said happily, leaning over to kiss Luke's cheek sweetly and he giggled when Luke squirm at his cheesy lips.

Luke pouted and wiped his face,"Ew, Ashton! You're gross."

"Fine, no kissing for you," Ashton retorted, finishing his last spoonful of mac and cheese before placing it on the table. "I didn't wanna make out with you anyways."

That caused Luke's breath to hitched and he eagerly finished his mac and cheese. As he swallowed the last bite, he saw Ashton getting up to go to the kitchen. Luke pouted, stretching as he saw the boy moving around behind the couch and he wasn't letting him go.

"N'awww, come back!" Luke moved a bit, reaching for the boy and gripped his hips.

Ashton grumbled, trying to move from where Luke's arms wrapped around his waist. He said in a fake annoyed voice,"Hey, get off me." Luke just smirked and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him over the couch as Ashton whined while clinging onto the blonde so he didn't fall,"Aw, no!"

Luke moved Ashton so he was on his lap. Ashton turned so his face was pressed to the taller boy's chest and curled up slightly. Luke kissed him softly and Ashton let out a small giggle,"Aw, c'mon. I was trying to be mad, you jerk! Ugh, I hate you sometimes."

"Love you too, bug," Luke teased, though was honest as he placed small kisses on Ashton's lips. "Mmm, so you said something about making out?"

A small smirk appeared on Ashton's face as he then faked an innocent expression,"Eh...I don't know anymore. I'm getting kind of tired."

Luke scoffed and moved so Ashton was laying on the couch and he hovered above him. Ashton chuckled and wrapped his arms around Luke's neck as the blonde grumbled while pressing his lips to Ashton,"Fucking tired my ass. Kiss me you little dork."

So, Ashton did and the two kissed gently, lips molding perfectly together and Luke sighed softly as he nibbled on Ashton's bottom lip lightly. Not to hurt him, but enough so he felt a small sting and Ashton let out a small gasp. He pulled Luke closer, feeling Luke's tongue slip in his mouth, roaming and hands running through Ashton's fringed hair.

They've kissed so many times, yet each felt like the first. Each kiss was special and felt brand new. Luke always loved to make things interesting, trying new things. Whether he'd lick around Ashton's mouth, making the shorter boy shudder, or if he'd just press his lips to the boy's repeatedly or lightly suck on his bottom lip -- each drove Ashton insane.

But, this time was different.

Because, Luke was being more frisky. His hands were roaming Ashton's smaller body and he was touching him differently. More sexual instead of gently. Ashton didn't know how to feel as he panted slightly, feeling Luke move his lips from Ashton's and kissing down his neck.

Ashton was breathing heavily, eyes fluttering beneath his glasses that somehow haven't fallen off yet. He let out a quiet moan when Luke nipped at his neck before sucking a lovebite. Ashton winced, but felt himself hardening in his jeans. He gripped onto Luke's shoulders and lightly pushed him away.

Luke looked at Ashton with slightly darker eyes, lips tinted more red as he asked breathlessly,"You okay, bug?"

"I-I..." Ashton blushed, awkwardly trying to hide his bulge in his jeans. But, Luke glanced down and raised an eyebrow at Ashton. The boy felt embarrassed as he said,"I--I'm sorry. You just kept touching me and I guess it made me...and I never really had anyone touch me like that before, so I'm not use to it."

Instead of Luke laughing, he just told Ashton while kissing his jaw and letting his lips linger there. "S'okay, love. Do...Do you want me to take care of it?"

"Do you mean--?" Ashton didn't want to say the word. He was so flustered and turned on and his eyes were a dark color. He couldn't even speak properly as he gripped onto Luke's shoulders still.

Luke looked amused as he teased,"Do I mean what?"

"Don't make me say it," Ashton pleaded, jutting his lip out in a pout.

But, Luke shrugged and he sat up while detaching Ashton's hands away. He ignored his own 'problem' and just sighed fakely,"I can't help if you don't tell me what you want."

A look of frustration was clear on Ashton's face. He hesitated, taking off his glasses and placed them on the coffee table. For a second, he was hoping the problem would go away. However, it didn't and so he just crawled over to Luke and moved into his lap, seeing Luke just ignored him and stared ahead at the TV.

Ashton huff in annoyance, going to kiss Luke, but the blonde moved his head away. Ashton groaned,"Lukey, please. I--I'm so...hard. And I know you are too! I can feel it, you know?"

He snorted, moving in Luke's lap where the bulge was very obvious. When no response came, Ashton glared and he pressed his lips to Luke's without even caring. Luke was taken by surprise, slowly kissing back and this time it was more frantic, quick and there was a lot more tongue.

Ashton pulled away breathless and whispered,"S-Sex, okay? Can we...can you --?" Luke still seemed amused and Ashton groaned,"Luke, please fuck me."

"Well, if you insist," Luke joked, but was more eager than he made himself out to be. He pecked Ashton's lips and gripped onto his thighs. He stood up, stumbling a bit but Ashton locked his ankles as he wrapped his legs around Luke's waist. "Bedroom?"

When Ashton nodded quickly, Luke chuckled and attached his lips to the smaller boy's. He quickly moved them upstairs, struggling along the way and Ashton clung to him so he didn't fall. He moved his lips from Luke's, burying his face in the boy's neck and placed small kisses there instead.

By the time they got to the room, Luke groaned when he saw his bed was still in a couch, considering it's a futon. He glanced at Calum's bed and smirked slightly. When noticing Luke was taking so long, Ashton lifted his head from where he sucked a lovebite on his neck. 

However, when he went to ask what's wrong, Luke just eagerly kissed him and placed him on Calum's bed. Surely that's against the bro-code, but he was desperate and didn't have time to move his futon into a couch. Not when he saw Ashton pouting and puckering his lips for a kiss.

When giving him what he wanted, Luke ran his small hands under Ashton's shirt and traced his toned body. Ashton then furrowed his eyebrows and moved from Luke's mouth,"W-Wait, isn't this Calum's bed?"

“Hmmm? Maybe?” Luke says into Ashton’s mouth as the shorter boy let out an amused giggle. He licks at his lips and makes sure to swipe his tongue against Ashton’s lips as well just so he can revel in the way Ashton whimpers and gripped his back more.

Luke keeps it up, licking and biting at Ashton’s lips, but moving away every time Ashton goes in for a proper kiss. Eventually, though, Ashton gets impatient and Luke gives him what he wants. He deepens the kiss more and tugging at the shirt a bit, wanting it off. But, Ashton was hesitant and moved Luke's hands away slightly.

The kiss is hot and dirty, their tongues meeting before their mouths. Luke licks his way into Ashton's mouth, traces the back of his teeth and the roof of his mouth before massaging his tongue against Ashton's. It's not long before Luke's grinding down onto his boyfriend and moaning into his mouth.

Luke lets his hands drift down to Ashton's bum, moving them so Ashton was in his lap again instead of under him and he palms at it appreciatively, making little noises of approval. Ashton detaches his mouth from Luke' and sits up, planting his hands on Luke' chest.

"Please, c-can we..." His fringe was falling in front of his eyes, his pupils are blown, and Luke can feel Ashton hardening against his stomach; there's no way he can deny his boy anything.

Luke nodded, pressing a quick kiss to Ashon's swollen lips. He tugs at his shirt and soon it was tossed across the room along with his one. Ashton's eyes dart to Luke's small six-pack, surprised at how strong he's gotten since doing track. He appreciates his body, wrapping his arms around Luke and lightly scratching at his back.

As they kiss more, Luke notices how Ashton hesitates as he lays him back down on the bed. He kisses down his neck, wanting to ask what was wrong, but not wanting to ruin the moment. Ashton just leaned his head back, heart pounding into his chest when Luke playfully flicks his tongue across Ashton's nipple.

When Luke went to unbutton Ashton's jeans, the boy shook his head,"W-Wait."

"What's wrong?" Luke asked instantly, stopping his hands from where they went to tug the jeans down.

Ashton hesitated, eyes watering as he admitted,"I-I relapsed. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't think we'd be having sex tonight. I--I just got upset after we texted and my dad yelled at me and you weren't replying later and I'm so sorry."

A frown formed on Luke's lips, and he motioned to Ashton's thighs,"There?"

Ashton nodded in guilt and Luke just continued unbuttoning Ashton's jeans. He tugged them down and saw Ashton silently crying above him. Probably feeling guilty for doing it. But, Luke then saw Ashton's boxers and he glanced up at the boy, getting permission, before pulling them down.

He felt his heart drop, seeing the small cuts. They weren't as deep as usual and only a couple, however they were still there. Along with many scars and marks he's never wanted to see. But, they were a part of Ashton and he could hear Ashton whispering out apologies. 

Luke just leaned up, pressing his lips to Ashton and wiped his damp cheeks,"Calm down, bug. Don't cry. Tonight isn't about tears or cuts or relapsing, it's about us. I love you and I want to show you that." He lifted Ashton's wrist, brushing his thumb against the butterflies drawn,"I want to show you how much you mean to me."

Ashton's tears stopped falling as he stared into Luke's blue eyes,"O-okay. I love you, too."

With that in mind, Luke pressed a small kiss to Ashton's nose and he got up to grab the lubrícant from Calum's draw along with protection. He unbuttoned his jeans and ignored Ashton's staring as he pulled them down along with his boxers. He then looked at Ashton, his naked body laid across the bed. Waiting patiently to have his innocence taken away.

He walked over, tossing the items on the bed and crawled over the smaller boy. Ashton was shaking slightly and Luke let his hands sooth his sides and lips kiss all over his face. When he pulled away, Luke looks down at Ashton for a bit, letting his eyes roam Ashton's body and take everything in.

He then took out the lubrícant and coated his fingers, using his other hand to wrap around Ashton's hard-on, making sure he was nice and hard. Ashton gasped, hands clenching at Calum's quilt that will definitely need to be cleaned in the morning, but Luke ignored the thought.

Once Ashton was nice and hard, Luke positioned himself between Ashton's legs, nudging them open a little more. He noticed Ashton was breathing hard, much like he did when having an anxiety attack. He frowned, asking in concern while using his clean hand to rub his thighs,"You alright, baby?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good," Ashton says with a little nod. "Just get on with it, yeah? I'll let you know if I'm not alright with anything."

Luke slowly inserted a finger to prep Ashton, causing the boy to wince a bit. He knew how it worked, that it would hurt and wasn't pleasurable at first. However, it still was shocking. It wasn't too painful or gross, just different. Having Luke move his digit around, slowing pushing in more.

Ashton propped himself up on his elbows, seeing Luke pumping the finger in slowly and patiently. Ashton gulped slowly, watching with an intense gaze. His feet were planted up, spread just enough for Luke to move around between them and the sight was all too much.

As Luke added a second finger, Ashton let out a small and pained sound. Luke noticed, trying to distract him as he placed small kisses on his thighs. Ashton was quivering a bit and Luke curled up his two fingers, hitting a certain bundle of nerves that had Ashton's breath hitch and a deep moan leaving his parted lips.

The sound made Luke's hard-on just grow a bit more. He asked with a tiny smirk,"Does it feel good, baby?"

"Y-Yeah, fuck. A-Again," Ashton pleaded, hands fisting at the blanket beneath him. He wasn't use to this pleasure, never having been sexual with anyone. The most he's done was made out and grind with Luke. 

The eagerness had Luke chuckle and he nodded, adding a third finger. It was a big stretch, Luke's fingers were pretty long and the pain was really harsh for Ashton. He let out a small whimper and Luke tried finding the same spot that made Ashton turned on.

When he found it, he grinned smugly and moved his fingers a bit, curling them just to tease Ashton as he let his finger tip brush against the are. Ashton groaned a bit, moving his hands to grip at the pillow next to him and bury his face in it as he let out a deep moan.

Luke shook his head,"No, let me hear, love. C'mon, I wanna hear your pretty sounds."

Ashton whined and moved the pillow from his face. He was sweating slightly, the pleasure driving him crazy. Ashton thrusted his hips up slightly, impatient and just wanted Luke inside of him.Luke pinches at the inside of his thigh and looks at him as sternly as he can manage.

"Patience, bug," Luke teased much to Ashton's dismay.

He slowly works up to three fingers, scissoring them inside Ashton, then slowly fucking them in and out. Luke pulls his face back briefly to look at Ashton and he's pretty sure he's never seen anything more beautiful. Ashton's got a flush from his cheeks to his chest, his eyes are shut tight, his fringe was stuck to his forehead with sweat, and he's got his hands fisted in the sheets.

"You're so beautiful, Ashton," Luke told him because he can't not; he truly is.Ashton whines and fucks back onto Luke' fingers. Luke crooks his fingers a bit and massages against the fleshy nub he finds there. 

"Luke, Luke, I'm not gonna--nggh," Ashton starts before he breaks off with a moan.

Luke quickly moves his fingers out and Ashton slouched on the bed with a frown. He looked at Luke with this desperate expression that was both hilarious and adorable. He looked so lost and dazed as Luke placed the rubber on his hard-on, slicking it up and quickly pecking Ashton's parted lips.

However, Ashton tugs him back down and deepens the kiss before smiling softly,"I love you."

"Love you too, beautiful," Luke replied, brushing the fringe from Ashton's hazel eyes. He then added, running his fingers through Ashton's hair,"And, I love your hazel eyes."

A small blush coated Ashton's cheeks and Luke just chuckled fondly while moving back between Ashton's legs. He opened them more, teasingly moving his finger around Ashton's rím until Ashton let out a groan. Luke rolled his eyes, but smiled and he slowly lined himself up with Ashton's entrance.

Slowly, almost too slowly, Luke pushes in and Ashton shook his head frantically. He places his hands on Luke's shoulders to stop him with a panicked expression. Luke frowned, leaning up and kissing him quickly. He waits, proping his hands on each side of Ashton's head so he can make sure Ashton's okay.

Ashton gulped slowly, tears prickling the corners of his eyes when he asked Luke to continued. Despite Ashton telling him to, Luke waits a bit longer before he moves in more. His heart aches at the side of Ashton's pained expression, the boy biting his bottom lip so he wouldn't make a pained sound.

But, then Luke was thrusting in a bit more until they were flushed against one another. He stays still for a few moments and glanced at Ashton. His eyes were squeezed shut, hands on Luke's back and had tear-stained cheeks. Luke steadied himself on one hand and used his free one to lightly pat Ashton's bottom lip that was pouting a bit.

Ashton opened his eyes, lashes damp with tears and he smiled weakly,"M'okay, move."

"You sure?" Luke asked in worry, not wanting to do anything until he's ready.

However, Ashton nodded and he ran his hands down Luke's back before moving them back up to where his spine dipped slightly. Luke smiled sweetly, kissing Ashton as he then pulls out some, thrusting in a slow motion so it wasn't too hard on his boyfriend for his first time.

Ashton's tongue moved against Luke's, the two finding it hard to kiss as Luke thrusted into the smaller boy. They pulled apart, Ashton letting out small 'uh, uh's while Luke fucking into him gently, but deeply. Him leaning down slightly, face hidden in Ashton's neck and he placed small, feathery kisses there.

When he went a bit faster, he moved his face from Ashton's neck and Ashton was moaning loudly, nails scratching down Luke's back as he wrapped his legs around the boy's waist so he could move faster. Luke sped up the pace, panting loudly as he tried not to come then and there.

Ashton was struggling as well. He couldn't help but be amazed at Luke. He's just so beautiful. Ashton can't help but stare up at his boyfriend. So turned on by the way his blonde hair wasn't in a quiff anymore. His arm muscles more defined as he struggled to steady himself, sweat glistening on his body.

He didn't realize Luke was just as fond over him. Because, Ashton was anything but ugly. He was like an angel and Luke kept kissing that angel and making sure he was okay. He kept staring at his pretty face and parted, pink lips. His toned body and god, they were so in love.

"Fuck, you're so pretty," Luke whispered and grabs onto Ashton's thigh with his free hand. He moved a bit, trying to find the spot that had Ashton driven crazy as he thrusted at a certain angle.

As soon as he changes the angle, Ashton cries out and throws his head back. "Fuck, yes, right there, Luke. Please."

Luke keeps hitting that spot, not faltering in his movements, as he leans down and kisses Ashton. The kiss doesn't stay a kiss for long; they're just breathing each other's air and moaning into each other's mouths. It most cases, they would both be disgusted but they just couldn't help but place their lips on each other.

"Fuck, Ashton, you feel so good," Luke says into his mouth. "And you're so beautiful. I just--" he breaks of with a moan and pulls back enough to look Ashton in the eyes. "I love you, bug. Fuck, I-I love you so much. "

Ashton threw his head back, squeezes his eyes shut, and let's his mouth fall open on a silent moan. He tightened around Luke, nails digging in his back as he comes then and there. Luke's words making him feel so loved and he felt the same exact way. Which was so crazy, that it was real.

And Luke just can't. Ashton's so hot and tight around him that he follows right after Ashton and comes inside the condom. biting down on Ashton's shoulder to stifle his moan. He fucks them both through it before taking a moment to breathe, the room silent aside from their heavy breaths.

Soon, Luke pulled out and he tugged off the condom, tying it lazily and got up to toss it in the bin. He then grabbed a towel from the ground that was still a little damp from his shower earlier. He smiled as he saw Ashton with half-closed eyes and an exhausted expression. His hair was unruly and sticking to his forehead.

Luke chuckled and he wiped down Ashton's chest where he came and Ashton blushed slightly. Luke just shrugged, tossing the towel to the side and crawled up next to Ashton. Ashton cuddles into Luke' side and lays his head on Luke' chest, traces designs absently across his torso lazily.

Ashton said in a sleepy voice, hot breath fanning Luke's chest,"Mmm. I really love you, Luke."

"Love you, too," Luke yawned and he pulled up the blanket so it was covering them.

Ashton then asked with a weak smile,"Was it better than with Michael?"

An amused Luke covered the blonde's face as he chuckled and nodded. "Course, love. I'm in love with you. I love him, but -- but this is different."

Pleased by his words, Ashton grinned and pressed a kiss to Luke's lips. Luke rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Ashton, effectively trapping him against his body. He joked playfully,"Looks like I caught the lovebug."

Ashton let out a small giggle, fondly looking up at Luke and shook his head in amusement. Luke shrugged, cause it's true. Ashton is his lovebug. Luke then tightened his arms around the boy much to Ashton's annoyance.

He was like a koala and Ashton tried moving from his tight grip, but Luke let out a complained sound. So, Ashton reluctantly sighed and buried his face in Luke's chest as Luke wrapped his legs around Ashton's while Ashton just dealt with it.

Despite them still being naked, it was comforting. Having Ashton's bare body pressed to Luke's as the blonde held onto him. Almost like he was saying how much he cared about him just by holding him. He smiled softly, feeling Ashton's heart beating as the boy fell asleep in his arms.

He sighed softly, fingers soothingly brushing down Ashton's back to the curve of his bum. He rested his hand on Ashton's lower back, pressing a small kiss to Ashton's forehead and was happy to feel Ashton smile against his chest. Just like that, Luke soon fell asleep and his dreams consisted of him and his beautiful boyfriend.


	38. Chapter 38

When Luke first woke up, it was only seven in the morning and he didn't feel like waking up. He just smiled sleepily, looking at the boy in his arms. He noticed how Ashton was snoring softly, his lips parted and his eyelashes fluttering everyso delicately and it was really beautiful.

It was weird to think they had sex last night. But, Luke could feel Ashton's bare body and it was true. They had sex and it was beautiful. It felt like more than that. Like, it really meant the world to him. It was so beautiful and amazing and he felt like he was on cloud now when they touched. 

When he and Michael had sex, he admits it was good. It was sweet and touching. But, it was so different with Ashton. Because, he's in love with the boy. His darling smile, his deep dimples that show no matter if he's smiling and he had the most endearing moans. Aren't those suppose to be sexy? Well, Ashton's were adorable.

He never thought a moan could be adorable. When he and Michael did it, Michael was quiet and he just kept whimpering and it was very hot. Luke finds it weird to think that, but it's true. Michael was hot and he won't lie. However, it's just a different scenario and he was happy to say they made it past the awkward stage.

He sighed, groaning slightly and held onto Ashton tighter. They really need to shower and get up. However, Luke felt it would be better to go back to sleep for a couple more hours. It's only morning and Sunday, so he can sleep in a bit longer and enjoy his moment with Ashton.

So, he did. 

For a couple more hours, he took a long nap and soon woke up again. However, he smiled sleepily when he saw Ashton was up as well and texting what seemed to be his mum. He didn't seem very happy and Luke frowned, because he shouldn't be sad after what they did last night.

He noticed the boy texting rapidly and Luke frowned. He then pulled the phone from Ashton's grip and narrowed his eyes when seeing Ashton's mum texting rude things. He scoffed, typing out 'I'll be home in an hour' and turned it off. Ashton gaped, but Luke just smiled and pressed his lips to the older boy's.

Ashton was taken by surprise at the sudden action. He wasn't aware Luke was even up earlier, but he felt the blonde kissing him deeply and just smiled softly against his lips. Despite the morning breath, they were too into the kiss to care and can be disgusted later.

Considering what they did the night before, it really shouldn't be a big deal anyways. Ashton hummed in content, feeling Luke's naked body laying over his under the covers. He blushed, letting his hands sprawl across Luke's bare bum and he could feel Luke smirking at the action.

Ashton wasn't one to be handsy, however with how far they've come, he wanted to show Luke how much he loved him. Since he didn't want to do it very sexual, he just let his hands roam the taller boy's body and tug him closer, their tongues roaming one another's mouths as the sound of lips smacking was heard in the quiet air.

His breath hitched, feeling Luke harden and he could feel himself doing the same. Their groins rubbing against each other as Luke grinded down on him. The blanket was slowly slipping off of Luke and a cool breeze was felt on their bare bodies, but Ashton just kept kissing his boyfriend.

Neither could hear the door opening downstairs, both too busy touching and feeling and loving each other. Ashton giggled quietly as Luke started kissing down his neck. He let out a soft moan, leaning his head back to give Luke more spaces to place lovebites and he ran his hands through the blonde's hair.

However, neither heard the footsteps leading up stairs. Soon enough, the door was opening and they both jumped up when hearing a gasp. Ashton felt his face pale and blush all at once while Luke was frantically trying to cover his boyfriend's body with the blanket.

A look of disgust showed on Calum's face,"I said not on my bed, you dipshit!"

Luke sheepishly looked down,"I'm sorry, okay? We were a little caught up and I couldn't move the futon into a bed when Ashton was kissing me! I was a little busy!"

"Get the fuck out of my bed!" Calum shouted, narrowing his eyes at both Luke and Ashton. 

However, when they got up, the blanket fell and revealed their naked bodies. Michael, who was awkwardly and quietly stood back, gasped. Calum smacked his hands over Michael's eyes and turned him around, leading him out of the bedroom with a grumble in his voice.

As soon as they were out, Ashton was wincing as he stood and Luke noticed. He held back a smug grin, because he frowned when he saw the small cuts on Ashton's thighs. He sighed and grabbed some clothes from his drawer. He knew Ashton would need some fresh clothes since he didn't bring any.

Honestly, last night he didn't want to talk about the cuts and everything. However, he did want to today. He knew Ashton had to go, though. So, he thought maybe he could try tomorrow instead. He just needed to make sure his boyfriend was okay and to remind him that it's okay to relapse, but he needs to try not to.

He handed Ashton a pair of skinny jeans that were slightly too long and a stripped sweater. Ashton smiled, deciding to just shower at home. He wished they could spend time together since he felt the urge to just be around Luke, but he knew his mum was pissed off and he was going to be in a bunch of trouble.

After changing, he waited patiently on the bed for Luke to do the same. His eyes roamed Luke's back, heart dropping when noticing scratches on his back. Ashton let out a small squeak, smacking his hand over his mouth as he felt guilt fill him from hurting Luke.

Luke noticed the sound and turned in confusion. Ashton said with a hurt expression,"I-I'm so sorry! I didn't meant hurt you like that. Fuck, that must be so painful."

At first, Luke was confused. However, Ashton walked over and he lightly brushed his fingers over the small scratches on Luke's back. The blonde winced and that caused Ashton to quickly move his hands with a pained expression on his face for making his boyfriend do that.

Luke quickly said,"No, bug. It's okay. It's really not that bad."

Seeing Ashton didn't believe him, Luke pulled him by the hips and pressed his lips to the boy's. Ashton blushed slightly and just nodded. He sighed and finally seemed like he believed the boy. He still hated himself for causing Luke pain, but he knew Luke wouldn't lie to him. Not anymore.

After Luke was dressed, he took Ashton's hand and they put his clothes from the day before in a bag. They headed downstairs and Ashton mumbled an awkward 'bye' to the couple cuddling on the couch. Michael gave him a small wave and Calum just ignored him.

Ashton felt so bad for having sex on Calum's bed with Luke. It's not everyday that happens and the fact that he knew they were doing it and didn't stop it made it all too awkward. It was really disrespectful, but he honestly doesn't regret it since well, he and Luke had sex.

On the way to his place, Ashton was holding Luke's hand and grinning despite having to go home. He was just really happy and nothing can change that. Not even his parents hating on him can ruin his mood, because he's with Luke and he lost his virginity to him and he doesn't regret it.

He just smiled and kept kissing Luke's fingers and knuckles and giggling as they pulled into his driveway. As he went to leave, Ashton leaned over and pressed a longing kiss to his boyfriend's lips. He continuously pecked his lips, leaving repeated kisses before finally leaving the car.

He watched as Luke drove off and the blonde had blown him a kiss on the way. Ashton 'caught' it and sighed happily. He limped slightly when entering the house, trying not to make it too noticeable. He didn't want them to know he and Luke hooked up, that would be awkward.

However, as he went upstairs, he heard his mother yell,"Ashton Fletcher Irwin! Get your ass down here right now!"

"No," He said blankly, turning to look at her from half-way up the stairs.

His mother gaped, placing a hand over her chest,"Excuse you? I am your mother."

"You surely don't act like one," He retorted, crossing his arms and raised an eyebrow. "A mum would care about me! She would love me and praise me, not insult everything I do! She would be happy I found a boyfriend who loves me, not try to make me leave him! So, no. You're not my 'mother' you're just rude and I--I hate you."

A silence fell, Ashton seeing his siblings straying in the back and father giving him a sympathetic look. Ashton had tears filling his eyes and he continued weakly,"I hate you. All you do is make me hate myself and -- and you make me insecure and feel like I'm nothing but trash. I hate you!"

Before his mum could say anything, Ashton frantically wiped his eyes and he rushed upstairs. He ignored the pain in his bum and just slammed his door shut. He leaned against it, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. He could hear his mum and dad arguing and he clenched his eyes shut.

He shouldn't have said that. He should have just did as told and had been a good son. But, of course he had to go and insult her and make her feel bad. Isn't a mum suppose to be a bitch sometimes? It's basically a part of their life. They need to be harsh sometimes.

However, Ashton couldn't feel anything. He felt like his body was drifting, his head spinning. He was dizzy and tired and cold and he kept sobbing as he laid in bed and tried not to grab his razor that was in his sidetable drawer. It was right there. He just had to open and grab it.

He didn't want to, though. He kept trying to even his breath, knowing he was having a panic attack. He needed to calm down. it's okay. He's fine. He can't let his mum control his emotions. He needed to get his life into his own hands, but he didn't know how. He was so use to having everyone else be in charge of him.

But, he can do it.

He took a deep breath.

In.

Out.

Ashton licked his lips quickly, slowly sitting up. He grabbed his phone this time. He went to his texts and he used his trembling hand to click on Luke's contact. He typed out a small texting and that was it. He was okay. He slowly started calming down as Luke talked to him, not knowing his boyfriend had a panic attack.

The conversation was sweet and beautiful. he felt butterflies fill his tummy when he saw Luke had planned out tomorrow. It was valentines day and he wanted him, Ashton, Michael and Calum to have a double date. It seemed so perfect and Ashton couldn't wait.

He remembered the only valentines day that was good for him was the one with Bradley. They had this cute date where the two spent the whole day watching spongebob and they would just give small kisses, being young and unsure of what was okay. It was nice and Ashton remembered it like it was yesterday.

he knew this date would be a lot better, though. Because, he's older and more mature. He's in a loving relationship with a perfect boyfriend and had two best friends he loved. He didn't care for his mum anymore. His family was irrelevant as of now and he wanted to focused on what made him happy.

Sadly, his parents still can control some of his life. Maybe not literally, but basically they can have a say in some things. So, when he was called downstairs, he wanted to say no and he ignored them. However, he was soon in the kitchen and well, his mum wasn't happy with him.

-

Valentines day can be everyone's best or worst day. Mainly depending on if you're single or not. Some people who are single don't like to admit it's a sad day for them. But, let's face it. That's the day you realize how much you want to be in a relationship even if it's just for a day.

This was the first time Luke had a valentine. Last year, him and Michael just were one another's valentines and it was nice. But, it just wasn't the way he wanted to spend it. He loves Michael with all his heart, but he's happy to have a boyfriend this time and that boyfriend being Ashton just made it all the better.

He and Calum had a iffy morning. Mainly because Calum was still mad over the 'sex in the bed' thing and Luke just kept laughing. He knew he was being a douchebag over it, but it was kind of funny in his opinion. He didn't think Calum would be this annoyed over it.

When their parents (yes, their) asked what was going on, they both just gave each other sibling knowing look. It made Luke happy, because he can finally do that. Have a little insider with his brother. Calum is officially his brother now and the thought made him very happy. He loves living with the guy, even if they annoy each other a lot.

At school, it was weird and he couldn't find Ashton around. Which was even more weird. Ashton is always waiting at his locker and usually they drive to school together, but he wasn't replying to Luke's texts either. Throughout the day, he couldn't find him and it was very worrying.

He wanted to ask the boys where he was, however they couldn't find him either. Luke was very worried. He knew how Ashton's parents were, but he seemed fine yesterday. He texted like usual and wasn't acting weird. So, he assumed he just got yelled at and everything was fine.

Towards the end of the day, Luke was nervously fiddling with his fingers and wondering what the hell they're going to do now that they don't have the club. That's where Ashton would typically show up. But, he couldn't. There was no club to show up to and it was making Luke frustrated.

However, as the day went by, he was walking down the hall and trying to text Ashton again and again. It was probably annoying for the boy, but he was just worried. It's fine to be worried over someone you love. He kept the texts subtle, though, and tried not to freak out.

But, then there was a hand grabbing his arm and Luke flinched, memories flashing through his mind of being grabbed on like that. He could see his dad's angered face and let out a scream as he tried pulling from the grip. However, there were eyes staring right into his and he recognized them as Mitch's.

Mitch frowned,"Are you okay? Calm down, what's wrong?"

"You grabbed onto me like some rag doll and you're asking what's wrong?" Luke exclaimed, wrapping his arms around himself as he tried calming down.

Guilt filled Mitch and he apologized,"I'm sorry, I just need to -- I have something I want to 'give' you and I wanted to say sorry for everything and um."

"Alright? What is it?" Luke looked at him in suspicion and stepped back a little. 

They were under the staircase and people were passing by, most likely not aware of what was going on. He felt like he was doing a drug deal, but thankfully that wasn't the truth. Luke was over that. He couldn't handle the thought of smoking weed or cigarettes, even if he has urges. They weren't very strong. 

Not everyone needs ages to get over an addiction. It is all based on the personality and body of a person. How long they have been doing the addiction and what the addiction is. Luke was a person that can get over something quite easily, but still, he does have moments.

Mitch was handing him a key suddenly and he said when seeing Luke's confused face,"Um. It's for this tree house. It's in the back of the school, in the middle of the forest area. Or the area with trees, whatever it's called. I heard Samantha broke up your club and I thought it would be a nice place where you can keep the club going."

"What's the catch?" Luke furrowed his eyebrows, holding the key that was on a small chain.

Much to his surprise, Mitch shrugged with a small smile,"No catch. I...I still like you so much. It's Valentines day. Where you try to make your crush at least smile. You're my crush. I want you to smile. You've looked stressed all day and I figured this was why. So, there. I hope your club is okay and I'm sorry for what I did. You didn't deserve that."

At first, Luke looked at Mitch and he didn't believe him. He just felt like there was more too it. But, he saw that look in his eyes. Much like the one Calum has when he stares at Michael and vice versa. It was a fond and loving look. And, he realized Mitch was just lovesick over him.

He chuckled sweetly, nodding and thanked him. Luke pulled the shorter guy into a hug, hesitating before giving him a small kiss on the cheek. He noticed a blush coating his cheeks and Luke thanked him once more before walking down the hall with the keys in his hands and a grin on his face.

Thankfully, it was the end of the day and Luke rushed into the classroom where the suitcase time capsole was. He looked around before going into the closet and grabbed it. He took out his phone, sending a text to each of the boys to meet him outside as he rushed out of the room.

He stopped by his locker, seeing Michael wasn't there and figured he was already out of the school. He grabbed his bag and hoped Ashton was somewhere around the school and just skipped the classes. However, that doesn't seem like something Ashton would do. He doesn't skip.

When he got outside the school, he waited on the steps and winced as some people stepped over him. He rolled his eyes, not caring that he was in the way. They can walk around him for petesake. He glanced around and tried finding his friends. But, they weren't around and he groaned.

Suddenly, there was a beep and he looked down to see Ashton texted him and said he was sneaking out. A sigh of relief left Luke's lips and he tapped his knee nervously. Soon enough, Michael and Calum were walking over with their hands entwined and Michael leaning into Calum's touch.

Michael was smiling and giggling at something Calum said, holding his malum bear but there was a new outfit on it. One with hearts and red pants. He rolled his eyes, realizing they were gone because they went to the mall to get a new outfit for he build-a-bear.

Calum spoke to his boyfriend sweetly,"You're so precious, love."

"N-No," Michael argued weakly, leaning up and kissing Calum's lips quickly. "S-So happy you're mine."

Before Calum could respond, Luke groaned and whined,"Stoppp the cutsie talk! My boyfriend is on his way, so wait until I can make out with him too! Gosh, you're both sickeningly adorable."

A blush coated Michael's cheeks as he buried his face in Calum's face. Calum wrapped his arms around the boy and pressed small kisses to his head. They were waiting patiently for Ashton and every time either asked Luke why they're there, he would just shush them and say shut up.

They sat on the steps and Luke grimaced when seeing Michael on Calum's lap and making out with him. Calum whispered sweet nothings to his boyfriend, pulling him closer and nuzzling his nose against Michael. The smaller boy grinned and wrapped his arms around Calum's neck.

Calum suddenly sang quietly so Michael could just hear,"Baby I got love for thee, so deep inside of me I don't know where to start. I love you more than anything, but the words cant even touch what's in my heart. When I try to explain it I be sounding insane, the words don't ever come out right."

Much to Calum's surprise, Michael finished off for him with a whisper," I-I get all tongue tied and twisted...I-I can't explain what I'm feeling."

"Your voice is so beautiful," Calum breathed out, kissing Michael's bottom lip before capturing his lips with his own. He mumbled against them,"God, I love you so much."

Luke faked a gag, rolling his eyes. He wonders if that's how Ashton and him are. If so, then well, it's disgusting. But, that won't stop him from making out with his boyfriend. Who, much to his relief, was seen walking down the road with his fringed hair and no glasses. He wore a cute tanktop and a jacket over it.

When Ashton noticed Luke walking towards him, he beamed and rushed over. Luke noticed him limping a little still and he proudly grinned. He opened his arms for the boy and Ashton jumped into them, kissing him repeatedly. As if they didn't see each other the day before. Sex makes you clingy.

"Happy valentines day," Ashton said sweetly, settling on the ground. "I'm sorry, my mum -- she just didn't want me to go to school today. We were doing extra credit shit and she was mad. But, I sneaked out again. My sister is covering for me, so don't worry. I won't get in trouble this time."

Luke nodded and grabbed onto Ashton's hand, pulling him towards where the other couple was still kissing and being insanely adorable. He cleared his throat and they pulled apart. Michael's eyes darted to Ashton, face heating up as memories of his naked body appeared in his mind.

The blond motioned them to follow him and he grabbed his bag and the suitcase. Ashton was fiddled with Luke's fingers and Luke noticed how nervous he seemed. Like he was worried about something. He knew there must be more to why he wasn't in school today and it was worrying him.

However, it's Valentines day and he didn't want to over think anything. He just wanted to have a nice day and club meeting. So, he brought the boys to where he found the tree house Mitch was talking about. Ashton furrowed his eyebrows as Luke started climbing up and he glanced at the other two in confusion.

They just shrugged and so they all went up, Calum smirking when seeing Michael's cute bum. He wanted to smack it , but that was unsafe since they're climbing a tree. When they got inside, they were all surprised to see painted on the wall 'S.O.S Club' and a small banner with their names on it.

A small smile formed on Luke's lips. He didn't think Mitch would do this. However, he sighed and announced,"The club of misfits is back, guys. Mitch gave me the keys to this tree house. He wanted to say he's sorry. He won't be bugging us anymore and there's no catch to this."

"Wow," Ashton said in surprise, seeing beanbags were placed in a circle (more like square) and each a different color. 

Luke nodded,"It was really nice of him. He said he still likes me and he wanted me to be happy."

A frown formed on Ashton's face,"What? He still has a crush on you?"

"Yeah, but don't worry, love," Luke grinned, leaning down and pecking Ashton's lips. "You're my boyfriend and I love you. That's all. You make me smile and you make me believe in myself and I just love you a lot."

"Lukey," Ashton blushed, seeing Calum making 'aw' facial expressions in a teasing way. He rolled his eyes and looked up at his boyfriend,"I love you, too. You make me happy."

A grin formed on Luke's lips as Calum snorted at their cheesy lines. However, he saw Michael being all cutesy over it and chuckled. He settled down in the red one and asked,"So, what's the topic for today?"

They all sat down and Luke smiled at him,"Well, today is Valentines day. I think we should talk about who our first crush was. Mine was this girl in year two. I was like, a fetus." They all chuckled and surprisingly, Ashton wan't jealous. "She had these blonde pigtails and would always give me her crayons when we were coloring. I guess I just loved her crayons more than her."

Ashton chuckled,"Reminds me of Hannah Montana. Lilly and Oliver shared crayon boxers. Oliver had one with a pencil sharpener."

Luke rolled his eyes fondly, asking,"Was Bradley your first crush?"

"He was my first love," Ashton admitted, giving Luke a weak smile. He then pulled a necklace from his pocket, the one Bradley gave him and the boys frowned a little when seeing him put it in their 'time capsule'. "But, I'm over him now and I'm ready to move on fully. Cause, I love you and only you now."

A blush coated Luke's cheeks as Calum let out an 'aww'. He rolled his eyes,"Shut up. I love you too, bug." Calum snorted at the nickname Luke gave Ashton and Luke narrowed his eyes at him. "Alright, so, who was your first crush Calum? was it Maya or like, some other girl?"

"Yeah, it was this girl in year four and she rejected me cause I smelled like tuna," He admitted awkwardly and pouted when everyone laughed at him. "Stop! I had tuna that day, okay? It's not my fault! You guys are so mean. Almost as mean as Debby was. What a bitch."

Luke just kept laughing and he smiled when Ashton moved to sit on his lap. He wrapped his arms around the boy and they shared a small kiss. Ashton leaned his head on Luke's and laced his arms around the boy's neck. They turned and glanced at Michael, who was awkwardly staring at his hands.

The blonde raised an eyebrow,"Your turn, Mikey."

"C'mon, love, who was your first crush," Calum teased, nudging his knee against his boyfriend's. Most people would hate to know, but they all didn't care. First crushes are stupid and just adorable.

However, Michael said much to everyone's surprise,"L-Luke."

Everything went silent and Luke's eyes nearly popped out of his head. He stared at his best friend, who was shyly pulling his knees to his chest in embarrassment. Calum's teasing smile fell and Ashton didn't seem to happy either. None expecting that at all.

"Come again?" Calum scoffed slightly, looking at Michael in disbelief.

Michael frowned, burying his face in his knees. His voice was muffled as he said,"W-Was just a little crush, promise. I-I don't anymore. W-Was just a little one. A-After we um. You know. Cause, I-I just was attached. N-No more, promise. T-That was my balloon secret."

Ashton chewed his bottom lip slightly and let out a forced laugh,"Hey, c'mon guys. It was an old crush. We all crush on people we never want to."

"Y-Yeah," Michael nodded eagerly, looking at Calum. The boy didn't seem at all pleased and Michael frowned. He crawled over to Calum and pouted slightly. He nuzzled his head in Calum's neck and said quietly,"M'sorry, C-Calum. N-No more. I love you only."

Calum's breath hitched as he asked in surprise,"Did you say love?"

A grin formed on Michael's face. He nodded and admitted shyly,"I love you, Calum."

Despite what just was admitted, Calum grinned. He eagerly pulled Michael close, kissing him deeply and the two were giggling softly and repeating the words to each other. Because, it's Valentines day and no couples should fight on the day where you celebrate love.

Calum's never had love before. He loved and has been loved by family, but he's never been in love. So, hearing Michael say that made him nearly cry. He just kept smiling and pressing is fingers into Michael's side, causing titters and laughs to leave the smaller boy's mouth.

Meanwhile, Luke was just in shock over what just was said. He tried not to think about his friend crushing on him, though. He just was happy Michael was in love and had someone who loved him back just as much. Just like how him and Ashton were in love as well. It was all just beautiful.

Ashton asked Luke as they cuddled up with Ashton sat between his legs and back to Luke's chest,"Is that how we were?"

"It's how we are," Luke countered with a kiss on Ashton's cheek.

"Aw," Ashton chuckled and leaned his head back to look at Luke. He puckered his lips and Luke leaned down, kissing him quickly upside down. It was weird, but kind of fun. "Hey, um. I just wanted to say. I--I'm really glad we got together. I love being with you. I kind of always had this crush on for like, a year."

"I kind of figured that out," Luke admitted, smirking slightly.

Ashton raised an eyebrow,"You said you didn't think I would like you and that's why you were 'with' Mitch."

"Yeah, but a few days ago I realized something," Luke chuckled, wrapping hs arms around Ashton tighter. Ashton glanced at him in confused and so Luke explained with a teasing voice,"I would find you staring at me alot...and whenever I looked at you, you always looked away."

A look of disbelief covered Ashton's blushing cheeks. He shoved Luke and said with a grin,"I did not!"

"Yes you did and you know what's even funnier?" Luke grabbed onto Ashton's hands as he tried to playfully shove him. He entwined their fingers and Ashton pouted. Luke leaned in, pecking his lips quickly and chuckled as he whispered,"You still do it."

Ashton went to argue, but Luke just shoved him on the ground lightly and leaned over him. He poked Ashton's sides, causing the boy to let out shrieky laughs and trying to push him away. Luke would kiss him, muffling Ashton's laughs and Ashton was gasping in between laughs.

He kept trying to weakly stop him or tickle him back. However, Luke was no match for him and managed to grab his hands and lay his body on top of his. His amused look nearly made Ashton want to punch him and soon enough they just kissed breathlessly, both exhausted.

Much like Calum and Michael, who were sharing small kisses and watching the couple in amusement. Calum managed to get Michael to eat some of the chocolate he bought him. Only two pieces, but it was enough. Because, he promised to kiss him each time he took a bite and they whispered small I love you's.

Most Valentines are spent on actual dates, having sex or going to the movies. But, the misfits do things differently. They tickle each other and they talk about crushes on their friends while having their boyfriends around. And, they just laugh it off and they love each other. Whether it be romantically or friendly, they all love each other and that's enough.


	39. Chapter 39

There's this sweet thing called revenge and Calum has been packing up for it ever since the 'sex in my bed' thing. He's been meaning to do it for a while, but he's been distracted a lot with Valentines day and making sure Michael goes to his therapy sessions every week.

However, now he's hacked up the perfect plan. He just really wanted to get Luke back for everything. He wanted to make him pay for making Calum need to buy new bed sheets. He wasn't using those, even if Luke washed them and did his best to make sure they weren't dirty.

Maybe Calum's overreacting. 

Can you really blame him, though? It wasn't even just the sex thing. He was really upset over the 'first crush' confession as well. It was hard enough knowing Luke took Michael's first kiss and virginity, but to know Michael had legit feelings for him was too much for Calum to take.

Because, he wanted to be Michael's first everything. However, maybe he shouldn't be upset considering Calum lost his everything. His first time having sex, his first kiss, his first crush -- but, he wanted it all to be special for Michael. He wanted to show him and let him experience everything from what Calum knew.

Surely no one would want to date someone and know they had a crush on their best friend at some point. However, Calum didn't want to cause unnecessary drama. Michael had enough going on and he didn't want to do anything to trigger a part of him. If anorexia is even a triggering thing.

Either way, he wanted to get Luke back. Not only for having sex with Michael before, nor for having sex with Ashton in his bed, but just because he's been a little annoying recently and Calum was pissed at him. He just needed to do something and so he did a weird, lame and random prank.

A grin formed on Calum's face, yawning as he stood up. He got five hours of sleep, slowly growing to a normal amount. He only slept well with Michael, much like when he stayed at the boy's house when Luke asked him to leave. However, because of that, he was gradually gaining more sleep.

In the end, he was hoping to get to a normal amount. However, it's bee months and he's still unable to sleep without waking up at least once. The only time he can is with his boyfriend in his arms. The adorable kitten who smells so sweet and makes his heart flutter with his tender kisses.

He couldn't wait to see him again, but sadly, Calum needed to go to school early with his dad to help clear the gym. It's picture day and no one likes that. However, Calum was more focused on his revenge. He already had his picture day outfit ready and it was ugly, but whatever. 

He just made sure he was up before Luke would be and he grinned. He sneakily went downstairs and tried not to be too loud. His parents were probably still asleep since it's five in the morning and he didn't want to bug them. They were off today and he knew they wouldn't be up. Well, his mum was off. His dad was still working, but he didn't have to be up for a while.

When he got to the first floor, he went over to where the garage was and grabbed a bucket. He quietly went to the kitchen and started filling it with cold water. He waited patiently, taking a banana from the island and eating it while the water filled to the top of the bucket.

He then got some ice from the freezer, placing the rest in the bucket. He will definitely get in trouble, but honestly, it would be worth it to see Luke's reaction. He knew this could strain their friendship, but that's how they are. They have this love-hate type of relationship and it was pranks like these that keep it going.

Once it was done, he chucked the empty banana peel in the trash and grabbed the water that was ice cold. A devious expression was on his face and he saw it was almost time for Luke to get up. They both get up at six and it was five forty five, so he can give Luke time to get cleaned up.

As he entered the room, he struggled with keeping the water from slushing out of the bucket. He noticed Luke was sprawled out like a starfish on his stomach. His sleeping face was facing Calum, lips parted and face half-way buried in the pillow with his blanket down so it revealed his bareback since he sleeps shirtless now.

He looked cute and cuddly.

To bad that won't last long.

A smirk formed on Calum's face and he went over to the boy, hesitating when he saw Luke moving in his sleep a bit. He held his breath. He watched intently, making sure he was asleep and then let out a breath of relief. And just like that, Calum poured the whole bucket on the blonde, sleeping boy.

Instantly, Louis dashed up as soon as the freezing water hit him. Calum bursted into hysterics, gripping onto his side as Luke frantically tried untangling himself from the blanket around him. He was gasping and shivering, hair damp and sticking to his wet face.

Right when Luke got out of his blanket, he ran over to Calum and shoved him. But, he was still shivering and teeth chattering as he exclaimed,"What the hell was that for? T-That was freezing! You fucking idiot, my bed is soaked and how do you expect it to dry?"

"By using the sun?"

Luke narrowed his eyes and roughly shoved Calum, hair falling in his face and teeth gritted. Calum simply rolled his eyes as Luke sneered,"That wasn't funny! Is this cause of the whole 'sex in your bed' thing? Cause, I'm sorry, okay? But, I don't exactly have a proper bed for that and um, we can't really do that at his place."

"No, it's not cause of that. I-- I was just joking around," Calum shrugged, grabbing the bucket from the floor and went to leave the room.

However, he heard Luke retort,"Is this cause of what Michael said? About having a crush on me?"

His words made Calum tense and he looked down. He could practically feel the smugness in Luke's voice. Or, maybe he was imagining it. Either way, he didn't like that. Having the boy speak of it. He wanted to forget Michael ever said that and that it was true. 

"Aww, someone's jealous," Luke snickered, walking over and grabbing the towel from the doorhandle. He wiped down his face and said,"You know, I can't control how Michael feels. If he had a -- a crush on me, then it's not my fault. I didn't make him feel that way. He can't control who he likes either."

"You had sex with him! Of course he got attached! And, how can you not have felt the same?" Calum furrowed his eyebrows. He didn't see how a person can have sex with someone like Michael and not feel anything but a friendship towards them. It seemed impossible.

A thoughtful expression formed on Luke's face,"It's different. He...He's never had anything sexual happen with him before that. When we uh -- did that, he never even kissed someone. I've done a little bit of everything. I've been sucked off and stuff...but not him. It was just not something he was use to."

Hearing someone talk about having sex with your boyfriend isn't something that happens everyday. Especially not after you poured a bucket of ice cold water on them as they slept. However, Calum was just upset and angry and jealous. He admits he is, it wasn't his fault.

"I'm sorry, okay? I was just mad," Calum apologizes, awkwardly patting Luke's head. "But, it was also for the sex on my bed thing. So, not sorry about that one."

A look of disbelief crossed Luke's face as he just shook his head. He watched as Calum left the room with the bucket and just stripped off his bed that was soaked and lifted the mattress with a struggle and pushed it against the wall before grabbing the towel. He needed a shower to warm up. Hot showers were always the best kinds of showers.

When he got to the bathroom, he stripped down and got in the shower after making sure the water was hot. As he rinsed off quickly, he wondered how Today would turn out. It's been a few days since Valentines Day and the weekend went by quickly, however he just had this thought inside of hm saying Today wasn't going to be the best day ever.

He ddin't want to think that, though. So, instead he just put on his smile and went to the room with a towel around his waist. He noticed Calum was already changed since he was leaving early. He had this green flannel over a white shirt with his skinny jeans and his hair was more orderly than usual.

Luke just gave him this look and Calum scoffed, but left the room so Luke could change. He grimaced at Calum's retreating form, but dropped his towel and changed. He wore a black and red flannel with a leather jacket he got for Christmas over it so it wasn't boring.

He felt so expensive wearing the clothes. Before living with the Hood's, he could never think of wearing such clothes, let alone actually wear them and call them his. He felt so thankful for it all and not to mention, he looked very damn hot in them. Just saying.

When he went downstairs, he saw Calum and Mr.Hood were already gone and Mrs. Hood was most likely still sleeping. He was use to walking around without having someone awake. He was more comfortable in the house and not afraid to just grab whatever he pleased.

It's been three months since he moved in, considering that was around early December and it's late February. He was comfortable. So, he snatched up some cereal and made himself a bowl. As the morning progressed, he noticed Michael texted him and asked if he wanted to walk to school. He figured Calum said he couldn't pick him up that morning.

Surely Luke owned a car now. He could just drive them. But, when he offered that, Michael asked if they can just walk. It was weird, but he didn't mind walking. He does track, after all. He could stay fit and keep up his exercise. With that in mind, he said yes and that's how he found himself outside his house and waiting for Michael.

It's been a long time since they hung out together and Luke was happy to see his friend walking over. However, there was always this awkward tension. And when Michael, who wore a black sweater and black skinny jeans, walked over, he couldn't help but feel uncomfortable.

Michael timidly smiled as he shyly motioned towards the way to school. Luke hesitantly followed with his bookbag on his shoulder and lazily draping down. Neither spoke most of the way and Luke fidgeted with his fingers. The tension was just everywhere and they both knew why.

Finally, Michael spoke quietly,"L-Lukey? You hate me?"

"No, why would you think that?" Luke asked in confusion. But, he then saw Michael's look on his face. He sighed and shrugged,"I just don't get it. You had a crush on me and I never knew. Why? I mean, I get why you never said it. We would have never dated, but still."

A frown formed on Michael's lips,"W-What? Never?"

"Obviously not. We're best friends, it would be weird," Luke said carelessly, not realizing how his words can be interpreted. He just smiled as if it was nothing and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

As they continued walking, Michael slowed down a little. He was hurt as he spoke,"B-But, we had sex. It wasn't weird. Y-You never liked me like that?"

"Mikey, c'mon. You're just -- you're not my type. It's nothing personal, you're cute and all. But, I only see you as a friend," Luke retorted with a slightly confused voice. He didn't get why Michael was making such a big deal out of it. It was nothing but the past. 

"Y-Yeah, whatever," Michael grumbled, wrapping his arms around himself as he shoved passed Luke. "O-Over it anyways. D-Doesn't matter."

The small shove made Luke stumble slightly and he gaped at Michael. That's not like him. They don't do that, they are always gentle with each other and rarely ever argue, let alone fight. But, Michael seemed so angry at him. Michael isn't suppose to be angry at him.

That's not how Michael is. It takes a lot for Michael to get angry and this was scaring Luke. Because, lately Michael has constantly been ignoring or just not being himself. It was worrying. He didn't know if it was cause of the therapy or whatever, but it's something.

Luke rushed up to the boy and said while being slightly breathless,"M--Mikey what's going on? C'mon, we're friends. Talk to me."

"Y-You haven't been much of a friend recently," Michael glared, turning with a narrowed eye expression.

His tone caught Luke off guard and suddenly Michael was rushing off to the building only a few feet away. Luke walked with a gaping look. He glanced down, unsure of what to say or do. He's never had this happen. If anything, it was usually Luke acting like this.

Luke let out a small mumble of his words and he walked into the school with his head hung low. He couldn't believe this was happening. Michael is his best friend and yet Michael said Luke wasn't being a friend to him. He had no idea what he meant by this because he's been there.

Luke is always there for Michael when he needed him. However, as he walked to his locker, Luke was slowly starting to understand. He has been there, but never truly there. He sat with Michael and he would be in the hospital room when Michael was in, but he never comforted him.

It wasn't like before. He's only there physically. He hasn't held Michael's hand or cuddled him properly. Surely when they had the sleepover he did, but that was once within months and he felt so bad. Because, Michael obviously needs his best friend right now.

He may have Calum, but that's a boyfriend who won't truly say what needs to be said. Calum is a nice person and Luke can see he obviously cares about and loves Michael. But, sometimes a person needs their friend rather than boyfriend or girlfriend. Especially at times like these. 

As he went to his locker, he noticed Michael was down the hall with Calum. Since being out, Calum has been more sweet and affectionate. A timid smile was on Michael's face as Calum had his hands on the boy's waist. Michael was lightly pressed against the lockers and Calum was saying something to with their faces close together, small kisses given in between his words.

This made Luke want to see Ashton, but sadly, when he got to class it was too late for them to actually hold a conversation. He just sighed and noticed Ashton in the back of the class. He snorted slightly at his outfit, yet found the dorky clothing cute all at the same time.

Ashton wore this button up school boy shirt with skinny jeans. He had his hair in it's usual fringe and was wearing a pair of his cute black glasses. Luke rolled his eyes and he shook his head as he took out his phone. He saw Ashton didn't notice he was in class yet and as the teacher took role, Luke sent his boyfriend a text.

[To: My love bug x]

nice outfit, baby :p you look sexy, dorky and cute all at once. How do you do such things?

He snickered at his stupid word choice and took out his homework as the teacher walked by. When she left, he turned and saw Ashton staring right at him. The boy was blushing and pouting as he flicked Luke off with his middle finger. For the first time being a total bitch. 

However, Luke grinned and blew him a cheesy kiss before turning forward. He could just tell the day was going to be interesting and stressful all at once. But, he didn't mind. Not when he got to see his boyfriend dressed up the way he was with his clothing choices.

-

It was later that day and honestly, Luke was worried. Because, not only was Michael mad at him, but Ashton was acting strange.Not his usual nerdy strange, but as if he was hiding something and Luke couldn't quite put his finger on what it was considering Ashton wouldn't tell him.

When they were getting their pictures day in their class, Ashton was definitely faking a smile and not just for the camera. He would barely talk to Luke unless Luke spoke to him and tried engaging him in the conversation. He seemed more stressed than usual and it worried Luke.

He didn't like his boyfriend being like this. However, whenever he asked what was wrong, Ashton would lie and say nothing. The only good that came out of it was that Ashton would kiss him. Not just kiss, but lip-lock full on with tongue and everything. Sadly, it was just for a distraction.

But, Ashton knew how to distract well. He knew all of Luke's weak points, being his bum and Ashton on his lap.So, during lunch he would sit on Luke's lap and all four boys were very tense. Mainly between Michael and Luke and Luke and Calum --Ashton was practically drama free and more confused than anything.

"Mmmm, you're so cute," Luke said as his lips were pressed to Ashton's, hands dragging down Ashton's sides to his pretty thighs.

Ashton giggled quietly and he faked a small smile, kissing Luke's lips as he let his fingers play with the small hairs on the back of his boyfriend's neck,"You're not too bad yourself."

"Love you baby, just know that," Luke reminded, lightly nipping on Ashton's neck as he kissed down the area where Ashton was most sensitive. He whispered hotly in Ashton's ear,"You look so adorable with this shirt on."

Ashton let out a shaky breath, gulping as he felt Luke teasingly trail his hand up his thigh. A lot was now off his mind as he heard Ashton breathing unevenly and maybe public displays of affection weren't too bad when it's you.

Sadly, Calum just had to ruin it and clear his throat. He motioned around to show they were in lunch and Ashton blushed as he curled into the blonde's side. Luke wrapped an arm around his shoulder and wished he could make Ashton forget whatever was on his mind. 

Much to Luke's dismay, however, he noticed Ashton and Calum were sharing knowing looks. Calum was narrowing his eyes a little and Ashton was just smiling and turning his attention to Luke. The blonde wanted to question it, hell he wanted to question everything going on recently, but he also didn't want to seem like he didn't trust Ashton.

Surely, if it was something serious, Ashton would tell him. He doesn't keep those types of secrets from Luke. They said no more secrets and that was something they promised on. Which is why Ashton told him about the relapse. Well, that and they had sex, so he couldn't really hide it.

But, it was something terrible. He can feel it in his bones. Ashton was flickering his eyes around and he was hiding something from Luke. But, Luke couldn't ask what it was and that's what really hurt. He needed to know so he can make it all better for his boyfriend.

Before he could, though, the bell was ringing and Ashton basically ran out of the cafeteria. Luke frowned and reluctantly went off to where he supposed he would be spending his day. Because, he didn't feel like going to class and he just wanted to skip. Even if he had this strong urge to smoke.

As he went out back, he had to be careful with teachers roaming halls and he went to the brick wall where he sat and just went on his phone. He grabbed out his ear buds and placed them in, turning up the tunes of Green Day and leaned his head back. He had to make the smoking urge go away.

Not that he even could smoke, since he didn't even have cigarettes with him. He was lost and sad. He felt alone all over again. Ashton was being distant, Michael hates him and Luke hates Calum at the moment. It was just a big blur of sadness and he wanted a release. But, he knew he needed to stay strong.

He couldn't be a hypocrite and say to Ashton not to cut himself when he would be smoking. Both can kill and both are releases, but there's always a better option. Sadly, Luke couldn't find one so he just decided the distracting option was the only possible and logic one at the moment.

For a while, he just went on Twitter and YouTube to watch funny videos and get his mind off things. He didn't know what he was doing exactly. He really wasn't sure why he was skipping. He just didn't know what else to do and figured this was the best option. To be alone and away from where his problems were.

However, he wasn't alone.

Because, suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and he nearly jumped ten feet. He tugged out his ear buds as he furrowed his eyebrows,"Mitch? What are you doing here?"

"You weren't in class but I knew you were at school, so I figured you were ditching," Mitch shrugged and hesitated before sitting down next to Luke. "Anyways, shouldn't I be asking you that? What are you doing here? Cause, you rarely ever skip unless you're sad about something."

At first, Luke didn't want to talk about it. At least, not to Mitch. He didn't trust the guy fully, even if he did give them a place to continue their club, he still had this feeling. But, perhaps he's overreacting. It was nothing. He was just over thinking everything and he knew that.

So, Luke bit his lip before saying,"I'm just stressed, you know? Like, I won't say much, but let's just say me and my friend are fighting and Ashton's just been a little...of lately. It's weird. We were fine before, but now everything is just falling apart. At least, for me it is."

A sympathetic look appeared on Mitch's face. He didn't seem to know what to say. He simply sighed and took out a cigarette, lighting it. He offered it to Luke, who wanted so badly to take it and smoke. But, he fought the urge and he shook his head.

Mitch shrugged and took a drag,"Listen, life sucks. I learned that the hard way. And, well, I can tell you had a horrible childhood much like me. So, just take it from me. Solve the problem. Talk to...Ashton. See what' wrong. Make up with your friend cause Michael is a nice guy and I can tell he means a lot to you."

"Why are you being so nice to me? All I ever do is reject you and I used you," Luke said with guilt, moving his criss-crossed legs so his knees were pressed to his chest and arms around them.

There was a small silence as the shorter boy contemplated what to so. Finally,Mitch's lips curled into a forced me as he patted Luke's knee,"Cause, when you like someone, you want to see them happy and smiling. Even if you're hurting. You should never from, you're too beautiful for that." 

His words were sweet and Luke felt his cheeks flush red. Not from feelings, affection or attraction. Simply from a genuine compliment he was given. He's so use to being complimented by Ashton and the boys, but it's different when it's from someone else. It's fresh and new.

For a while, they both just sat there together and then Mitch talked. He told Luke about his past. How his dad was arrested, his mum ran off when he was a baby and that he was now living on his own. It seemed similar to Luke's life except Luke is living with his friend and their family, who is now his as well.

When it came down to it, Luke felt better knowing he wasn't alone. Because, apparently Mitch's dad use to hit him. But, since he was arrested younger, it was only for a couple years. Not most of his childhood. However, it's still terrible and Luke wished no one had to go through that. He felt like hell when he did.

It was nice getting to know Mitch. Honestly, he would invite the boy to join the club of misfits, however he knew Mitch wouldn't want to. Or else he would have asked, considering Mitch is the type of person to blunt ask someone that.

When it came down to it, they were friends now. Luke knew he can trust Mitch. Maybe not with his life, but he can trust him enough to tell him they're friends. It wasn't easy being friends with Luke, he takes a while to understand and accept a person into his life like that.

But, from everything that's happened, he can't help but like Mitch. As a friend, of course. He loves Ashton and could never dream of cheating on him. Not again. Not after what happened last time. Even though it wasn't intentional, because it wasn't and it never was suppose to happen.

That's the past, though. Now, he needed to talk to Ashton and ask what was going on. Because, this was getting out of hand. He can't understand why Ashton was keeping something from him, especially considering it was obviously important.

When he left, he gave Mitch a quick hug and thanked him once again. He can never thank Mitch enough for helping them out like that. Maybe one day they can hang out and go to the movies or a school game together. He would really like that.

Luke waited outside the front steps, waiting impatiently for his boyfriend. He chewed on his nails and he tapped his fingers. He did everything to pass time by and then he got fed up with it and decided to just walk in and try to find his boyfriend.

He contemplated texting, but didn't want him to think he was being clingy. So, instead he just sighed and went into the school much to many people's confusion. Since, well, no one wants to go back in school, they always want to leave.

When he entered the school, he went to Ashton's last class and saw he wasn't there. He went up to the teacher and asked curiously,"Do you know where Ashton is?"

"Irwin?" He nodded, wanting to glare since there is no other Ashton that he knew of. "He left with Calum. I believe they were going to the locker room? Something about needing to pick up some gym bag or something along those lines."

Luke nodded and thanked her quickly before going towards the locker room. He was confused since they haven't had track the past couple days and it seemed useless to get his track clothing and gym bag.

He groaned and went over to the locker room in hopes of seeing his boyfriend waiting outside. He was wrong and furrowed his eyebrows. Luke slowly went to the locker room and opened the door lightly, not wanting to interrupt anyone.

But, then he halted. He saw Calum and Ashton talking quietly and Calum was changing into his gym clothing, possibly going for a jog. He sometimes does that and Luke wasn't very worried about Ashton staring, since he was looking down at his hands and seeming upset.

A frown formed on Luke's face. See? He knew Ashton was upset over something. Yet, he was talking to Calum and not Luke. It wasn't fair. He didn't catch any of what was being said and it was far too quiet for him to overhear.

Luke hesitated, slowly scooting in more and he caught Calum speaking,"...You really need to tell him, he deserved to know."

Luke's heart dropped and he felt himself tense up. Tell him? Are they talking about Luke? He doesn't understand who else it would be. It was either him or Michael, but he doubts this had anything to do with the smaller boy.

Before he could hear more, he noticed they were grabbing their things and he contemplated before rushing out of the room and stepping back. He hid between the locker and wall that was hidden to where they couldn't spot him.

Much to is dismay, they had stopped talking about whatever that was and he frowned. He glanced at his boyfriend, Ashton, seeing him smiling sadly at whatever Calum was saying. It must not be good since the smile should be happy.

Once they were gone, Luke shook his head slowly. He leaned against the wall and wrapped his arms around himself as he let out a breathy sigh. One that was full of sadness, confusion and question because that's all he really felt at the moment.

He didn't understand any of this. Something is up with Ashton and he told Calum, but not his own boyfriend. Yes, some things are easier to speak with your friends about. But, you should at least make sure your partner knew if you were okay or not.

Obviously, Ashton didn't understand that. Luke had no idea what was going on. All he knew was that Ashton was sad and was lying to him. That's all that matters. And, Luke is going to find out what the hell is going on.


	40. Chapter 40

4 strawberries -- 28 calories

1 omelet -- 95 calories

bowl of oatmeal --158 calories

The list of foods was irritating Michael, the numbers so big and staring right at him. Haunting him. Showing how fat he's being by eating all of that. It was gross to think that was in his body and making him feel like he's a fatass. He's already gained two pounds and it's only been a week. 

Apparently the doctor was using a rigged scale a patient who was anorexic tricked up, so it messed up and somehow gave the wrong numbers. So, the weight Calum and him had was the accurate one. But, it's still very underweight, just not as deadly or severe as the one given at the hospital.

While Calum was happy along with the boys, Michael was nearly in tears as he stared at himself constantly. He didn't like it. He didn't want to be over a hundred pounds, but he is. He's so fat. Sure, the other boys are over a hundred, but that's because they can work it. They can make themselves look good with that.

However, Michael can't. He's flabby and gross and looks like trash. During the therapy sessions, she always asked how he felt when looking in a mirror. Michael didn't speak. He held a board and he wrote the same words repeatedly 'gross, fat, ashamed, ugly, hideous, disgusted' and so on.

He never really said that before. Only to the boys, but they were all insecure as well and so it felt normal. He felt weird when she would just nod. No reassurance that he's beautiful or saying he shouldn't think that. She would just ask why and he hated it. How she kept trying to worm her way into his mind.

He knew that was her job and he respected that. But, he hated it because she never bothered making sure he felt gorgeous or pretty. Calum always called him that. It made him smile. When she said that, she would ask if he ever felt pretty after his boyfriend would compliment him.

Michael would say no.

No matter how many times someone said it, Michael never felt it. The compliments were nice and he liked them, who doesn't? but he never truly believed them. He loved that Calum thought he was beautiful, however he never understood why he thought this and it was infuriating.

How can Calum like someone who's hideous? Maybe he's the few men alive that are able to look past looks. But,Michael still has his stutter and his mutism and he still is childish and insecure. It made him hate himself so much and he felt like throwing up the food he ate that morning.

However, the therapy session went on and slowly, but surely, Michael was once again feeling a little better. That's how it always was. He felt gross and angry and sad in the beginning of the past couple sessions. But, then as they talked more and went on to happier subjects, he felt a lot better and would even timidly smile sometimes.

That always got a good reaction and she would write something down. He assumed it was the topic they talked about. Usually it was the boys or his parents. He even wrote down that he loved playing the guitar and that Calum got it for him. He told her how they kissed and went on the most amazing date ever and she seemed fond of that.

In the end, Michael was slightly happier. He didn't even think of throwing up again and was ecstatic when he saw Calum outside in the waiting area for him. Michael giggled quietly as Calum grinned and rushed over. He blushed as the boy kissed him sweetly, wrapping his arms around Michael.

However, there was someone clearing their throat and Michael frowned when Calum hesitantly walked over to where Stacy was motioning him over Michael pouted a bit,but was called over to sign out. He nodded with a small smile at the front desk lady who was sweet, slightly overweight yet beautiful. And, he wondered how she did it. Because, he's so fat and he can see she was past her preferred weight yet was glamorous.

Michael then flinched, feeling a hand on his shoulder and he saw Calum smiling at him. He waved goodbye to his therapist and the front desk lady. Both were so nice. He wanted to be like them. However, he's been told he's a sweetheart and he was hoping he was, since he didn't want to be a dickhead.

As they left the building, Calum led him down the sidewalk much to Michael's confusion. Calum just laced their hands together, swinging them and Michael felt his heart leap whenever Calum would lift their hands to his lips and kiss the back of Michael's hand tenderly.

Much to his dismay, they ended up at the park and Michael was curious as to why. However, Calum just led to them to the swings and sat down. He patted his lap and Michael hesitantly straddled his hips and let out a frightened squeal as he almost fell off. But, Calum wrapped his arm around his waist and gripped the swing with his other. Michael sighed in relief, arms around his neck and still looking frightened.

Calum smiled, leaning forward and connecting their lips in a soft, sweet kiss. The park was old and rusty, so no one ever goes there. Which meant they were alone and he could kiss his boyfriend without kids squealing 'ew' or parents being disgusted by their love and affection.

Suddenly, Michael pulled away with even redder lips than usual. He said with a blush,"Love you."

"Love you, too," Calum told him fondly, letting his fingers lightly caress his cheek but they almost fell off again. So, he clung to the swing and bit his lip. He saw Michael staring and chuckled as he said,"Listen, I brought you here because; you think you're...fat, right?"

"I-I am fat," Michael corrected, casually playing with the strands of hair behind Calum's neck.

A frown formed on the boy's face as he sighed,"O-Okay, sure. But, you do know not eating won't help if you don't exercise? So, um. I think, maybe if I help you...work out, then you can be in better shape. Not that I don't like you now. I love your body no matter what. But, if you're not happy with it, then I'll help you get in shape. However, you need to eat a little more. If you work out, then you can eat as much as you want and it can be healthy foods."

Michael grimaced, curling in on Calum more as he whispered,"But, s-sweaty and gross."

"Sweating can be hot," Calum offered with an amused expression. "You know, I think if you really want to be healthy it takes more than just not eating. It's not good to lower your food because you need food, kitten. You can't live without it, that's not how life works. So, why don't I help you stay in shape?"

At first, Michael wanted to beg and plead no. He hates exercising so much. All the running, the push ups, the sweating and basically falling on the floor, panting and unable to breath. Or maybe that's just him. But, he didn't like it and he would rather be lazy and just not eat.

But, then he looked at Calum who had pouty lips and a concerned look in his eyes. Almost like he was really worried about his boyfriend not being healthy. He didn't want to disappoint Calum. The boy meant so much to him and well, he would get to see Calum shirtless.

So, he nodded and Calum smirked. He stood up and Michael let out a terrified gasp, tightening his legs around the boy's waist and burying his face in his neck. Calum let out a laugh, lifting Michael up some more and carried him over to the grass as Michael pouted slightly. Because, Calum was being mean and scaring him.

When they got to a nice place where you can exercises freely, Michael just noticed that Calum had brought a small bag with him and probably snatched it from the car. He raised an eyebrow when Calum held out some basketball shorts and a t-shirt to Michael.

Michael hesitated. He didn't like short sleeve shirts or short. He's not pretty enough to show off his body. But, Calum shook the clothes impatiently and so Michael reluctantly grabbed them. They went to a bathroom area that had a water fountain and what-not and they changed in some stalls.

Michael walked out with his arms wrapped around himself and clothing clenched in his hand. He licked his lips slightly, fidgeting when seeing Calum walk out with a sleeveless shirt and basketball shorts as well. Calum led Michael outside and to where they were going to exercises.

At first, Calum just showed Michael some stretches. Such as the toe-touch and arm stretches. He chuckled at how not flexible Michael was and Michael looked embarrassed. So, he jokingly did bad as well and a small chuckle left Michael when seeing Calum whining and pouting.

When they were done, Calum suggested they did a lap around the park. Much to Michael's dismay, it was a really big park and there was even a path made for jogging or running. He grimaced but Calum was already jogging, so he reluctantly followed and was already out of breath just reaching his boyfriend.

Michael was embarrassed at how out of shape he was and he was breathing heavily and already sweating. He didn't like how Calum was already use to running, it made him feel insecure with how weak he was. Seeing that Calum barely broke a sweat and he grimaced as they stopped, him far behind and blushing with an already flushed face.

Calum glanced at Michael, frowning when seeing the boy covering his face. He let out a small laugh and asked, pulling his hands from Michael's face,"What's wrong, love?"

"S-So sweaty and tired," He mumbled, mortified.

The way he spoke made Calum roll his eyes and lead him to where their things were. He pulled out a small wash cloth and tossed it to his boyfriend along with a water bottle. Michael sheepishly took the wash cloth and wiped his sweaty face, scrunching his nose slightly and was glad he put on extra deodorant.

After he took a breather, they began doing push ups and curl ups. Michael was struggling like usual. His arms were trembling at only three push ups and Calum frowned. That really wasn't good. He can barely keep his own body weight up at only three push ups.

Calum tried not to judge his boyfriend, he didn't want to insult him.So, he just helped him and noticed his posture wasn't well. He tried to show him the proper way to do a ninety degree bend and smiled when Michael got up to ten. It took a while, but he did it and he was proud of him.

He can do twenty curl ups and by the time it was almost time to go, they decided to do another jog around the track. Michael was literally exhausted. He was barely able to catch up to Calum and he was feeling dizzy, much like before he ended up in the hospital.

But, he pushed himself.

He kept doing it. He made himself run and his chest was hurting, his body burning and he felt like he was going to faint or something. He struggled, going and going until he was stumbling and he just couldn't. He panted heavily, clutching his chest as he went to the ground and tried steadying his breath.

Calum noticed as he turned to see where Michael was. He gasped, rushing over and crouched down next to the boy. He gripped onto Michael's chin, lifting his head up and asked the boy,"Baby, are you okay? Do I need to call the ambulance? Can you breathe?"

Michael took a deep breath, nodding slowly and he assured,"M'okay. J-Just need...break."

A sympathetic smile formed on Calum's face as he pressed a kiss to Michael's sweaty cheek, grimacing but shrugging it off. He told him as he helped the boy up,"No, love. You're good. No more for today. I think this was too much. I should have started easier on you, I'm sorry sweetheart."

Michael shrugged. He thankfully took the water bottle, gulping it down and let out a breath of relief as Calum looked at him with a concerned expression. The look made Michael self conscious and Calum heard his phone beep. He grabbed it, rolling his eyes slightly and grumbled as he texted back.

Michael asked,"W-Who's that?"

"Ashton," Calum said absent-minded and tucked the phone in his bag. He glanced up and said when seeing it was dark,"We should head home. I'll drop you off, okay?" Michael pouted and Calum booped his nose,"No pouting, kitten. I'll see you tomorrow at school."

It's not that he didn't want to hang out, but there's a lot of tension and Michael has been missing Luke a lot, so he knew there would be problems there since Luke has been grumpy recently. Surprisingly, Michael just pouted deeper as they began walking back to where the car was parked. 

"You've cat to be k-kitten me right meow."

Calum halted, turning to where Michael was grinning and holding back a giggle. He was biting his lip to do so and Calum let out a small laugh, causing Michael to burst into a fit of giggles. He was definitely in a good mood, still laughing when they got to the car and giggling like an idiot.

A look of amusement was in Calum's eyes as he pressed Michael against the side of the car, pecking his lips softly. Michael bit his lip again, pulling away and looked thoughtful before he said with a blank expression,"It's meow o-or never."

Calum snorted, unable to not smile and he shook his head slightly,"Oh god, stop it."

"T-This is purr-idise," Michael continued, giggling as Calum opened the door to the back and playfully shoved Michael down, shutting the door behind and crawled over the boy. He pecked his lips repeatedly and Michael squealed slightly,"D-Don't get catty with me!"

"Well, someone is full of jokes today," Calum commented, letting his lips linger against the boy's and they both were really sweaty, however they didn't mind and just kissed longingly before Calum asked his boyfriend with a small smirk,"Wanna make out, kitten?"

Michael's face went red, staring at Calum and nodded slowly,"Purr-ty please?"

Calum let out a loud laugh, pressing his head into Michael's neck,"Oh god, I love you so much."

Michael giggled, pausing before rolling his hips up and Calum gasped slightly when their groins rubbed against each other. He narrowed his eyes at Michael playfully, to which the boy just innocently smiled and before they knew it, Calum was slamming his lips against the boy's and eagerly kissing him.

Usually they kiss gently and lovingly, but there was so much tension. Their bodies already hyped up and the smell of hormones very obviously. It was perfect and Calum knew it wouldn't get farther than making out at the moment, but he tried to step it up a little.

He wanted to lead to sex slowly, so for now, he just let his bulge in his basketball shorts rub against Michael's. The pleasure filled Michael, letting out a shaky breath as their lips pulled apart. He wasn't a loud person in bed, his whimpers quiet and moans barely heard, but somehow that just made it all too hot.

Calum was happy the parking lot was empty or else he would be self-conscious someone might see. It was dark out and so he was able to pleasure his boyfriend. It was hard for him to find any time alone in the house anyways, so he did what he had to do to get alone time with Michael. Pleasuring him with his hand rubbing through Michael's shorts and nipping at his neck, sucking a lovebite where everyone can see.

He can feel Michael trembling slightly, head leaning back as he pleaded and mumbled 'Calum' over and over again. Calum's hand speeding up, kissing up his neck and sucking on his bottom lip lightly. The action had Michael whimpering and he was afraid to come because he didn't know if that's what Calum wanted. But, he was just so turned on and he clenched his eyes shut, body tensing as he gripped onto Calum's back and dug his nails in slightly.

And yeah, Calum really enjoyed that. He soon came after Michael, the two panting quietly, Calum pressing kisses over Michael's neck and lips. He hesitated, tugging at Michael's shorts and Michael nodded when Calum gave him a questioningly look.

Calum nervously tugged down Michael's boxers, heart pounding as he took the boy in his hands and saw the come slicking up Michael's hard-on. Michael was blushing fiercely, glancing away in embarrassment, but then he gasped, feeling Calum's lips wrap around his tip, his hands instantly gripping onto his boyfriend's hair.

Never has Calum sucked anyone off or even been with a guy, so it was new to him. He just did what he liked to have done to him. He let his tongue teasingly flick across the tip, loving the sounds Michael made and seeing him squirming slightly, trying to hold back his pretty sounds.

Calum went down, taking as much of the boy as he could. He sucked and licked and pumped the boy until he was coming again and maybe it was dirty and wrong to do it in a car. But, honestly, to them it didn't matter. They were weird anyways, so they just giggled quietly in the backseat as Michael tugged his pants back up and blushed at the smug look on Calum's face.

-

To say Calum and Luke weren't on the best terms was an understatement. Maybe it was still over th sex in his bed thing, but it was also having to do with Michael. Luke knew that, he was aware since Calum constantly reminds him more times than necessary.

However, he was mad too. Because, Calum knew something about Ashton that Luke wasn't aware of. His boyfriend was obviously upset over something. He barely talks to Luke anymore, is never allowed to hang out and it's pissing Luke off because all he wanted to do was know what's wrong.

Was it the sex?

Did he pressure Ashton? The thought made Luke panic, pacing the track field as he waited for Coach Hood to return. All day he kept trying to brainstorm what's wrong. He misses Ashton so much. He see's him everyday, yet it's like he's barely able to ever be with him and actually hang out.

It would make sense in his mind. Ashton's been distance ever since they did it and he was scared. He didn't mean to pressure him. Ashton looked like he was enjoying it and he was so sure. Because, he was moaning and begging for more, which typically means he wanted it.

A loud whistle was heard and Luke jumped up. He sighed as track practice started. As it went on, he noticed Michael in the bleachers and grumbled slightly. He didn't know why Michael was so mad at him. He's done nothing wrong, but right now they're fighting in a way and he was upset since no one is telling him what's wrong.

Since the talk with Mitch, they have gotten along and Mitch has slowly progressed from being friends with those jerks to being on his own. Luke felt bad that he didn't have a Calum or Michael as a friend. Or a partner like Ashton. But, then he realized he has a Luke and apparently that's enough.

When track practice came to an end, Luke headed towards the locker room. However, he gasped as a hand smacked over his mouth and arms wrapped around him. His vision was suddenly black and he tried screaming for help, but was slammed against a wall and something clicked on his wrist.

He struggled against the item, gasping as a hand moved from his and shouted,"Get off me, let me go!"

"Calm down, damn."

Luke blinked his eyes open when his vision was clear and he blushed when seeing Ashton and Calum chuckling. He furrowed his eyebrows, confused until he turned and was surprised to see his hands were cuffed to Michael's, the boy also unsure of what was happening.

Before they could ask, Ashton explained as Calum wrapped an arm around his shoulder,"We're getting real tired of your guys's shit. So, you can't leave until you make up. You guys are best friend and acting like strangers. We were jealous, yeah, but now you guys aren't happy. So kiss and make up."

They walked away, but Calum added with a stern expression,"Minus the kissing, though."

Once they were out of sight, Luke let out a groan of annoyance. He was pretty pissed off now. Especially since the handcuffs were his from when he and Ashton were cuffed together at the party. That meant Calum went through his things and he will be in trouble for that.

Luke grumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes as he heard Calum and Ashton laughing on the other side of the building. He huffed and turned to Michael, frowning when he saw the boy sniffling quietly and trying to muffle the sounds with his hand and tears falling.

"Mikey, what's wrong?" Luke asked in concern, moving towards him.

Michael hesitated before saying,"Di-Did something with Calum." Luke was confused, so Michael said shyly and in embarrassment,"He...s-sucked me off? And we m-made out."

A grimace formed on Luke's face as he nodded slowly. His eyes darted to Michael's neck and that's when he realized there was a lovebite very obviously made. He wasn't too fond of the thought of Calum doing that to Michael, but he knew it would happen anyways.

""Oh...um, that's great. I think." He was confused and added,"So, why are you upset? Wait, he didn't force you, did he? I swear to god, Michael. If Calum fucking forced himself on you, I won't hesitate to beat the shit out of him!"

"N-No! W-Was okay. Um, I just want to d-do the same?" Michael awkwardly fidgeted with the ends of his sleeves. "But, I don't k-know how. And, I just miss you."

Guilt filled Luke as he nodded,"I miss you too, Mikey. I really do and I'm sorry. I just -- a lot has been stressing me out and you're trying to get yourself on track. We just both have a lot on our plates, you know? I don't want to put more stress on you, it wouldn't be fair."

Michael's lip curled in a small smile, nodding,"S'okay. I--I get it."

The two hesitated before pulling each other in for a hug. However, the handcuffs were in the way and so Luke just pressed a small, friendly kiss to Michael's cheek. He told him with a small smirk,"Oh, and about the sucking off thing. Just act like it's a lollipop. Use your tongue, hold his hips, take as much of him as you can. Don't go too slow, fast is good. Tease, but then speed up. You'll be fine. You have the lips for it."

A gaping expression was on Michael's face as he blushed like an idiot and playfully smacked Luke against his arm. The two bursted out laughing and Michael placed a hand over his mouth to muffle the sounds. He didn't think Luke could be so blunt about it.

When they went over to the two boyfriends, Ashton looked up from where he was on his phone and he asked,"So, did you two make up?"

"Definitely," Luke said with a smirk and Michael slapped his arm again.

The guys were confused and Michael just blushed like a tomato. Instead of questioning it, Calum took out the key and he let them loose. They both shook their wrists with grimaces, seeing as the cuffs were a little tight.Calum really needs to learn how to cuff them.

Seeing as they were still in their track outfits, the two boys left Michael and Ashton for a moment. They went into the locker room and changed quickly, trying to take a quick shower each, but the water was cold, so they decided to just wait till later that day or when they get home.

However, Luke and Ashton decided to hang out for a little. They waved goodbye to the other couple, considering Calum was dropping off Michael and they headed to Luke's car. Luke was still a little smelly from practice and Ashton would usually joke about it like the mature person he is, but he just leaned his head against the window and wasn't even holing Luke's hand.

The ride was quiet and it wasn't the good type. There was a missing piece and as far as Luke knew, he was the cause of it. He did something wrong and he was so scared. He didn't want to break up or lose his most important person in his life. Ashton meant so much to Luke and he can't lose him.

By the time they got to Ashton's, the boy led Luke inside. But, as soon as he did so, his dad was rushing over and he saw their entwined hands. He rolled his eyes and exclaimed, shoving a paper in Ashton's chest,"What the hell is this? Why the fucking is there a B- in English?"

"I--I just forgot to turn in my homework on time, it dropped it a lot. She barely put any grades in," Ashton assured, feeling Luke gve his hand a squeeze.

His mum appeared with a glare on her face,"You know how we feel right now! Why didn't you try harder? Melbourne won't like having a stupid, lazy kid enter their school, now would they?"

Ashton flinched at the word and honestly, Luke was trying so hard not to speak up and slap the shit out of them. He didn't understand why they're so upset. He got three F's on his report and doesn't give a rat's ass. But, the Hood's care he's failing yet they're being nicer about it. Same with Calum and Michael is failing everything, honestly.

Before he could think more angrily about anything, Ashton's dad scoffed as he grumbled in disappointment ,"Worst report card ever. You're a shame to this family. You have one week, Ashton. One week, just remember that."

A look of confusion crossed Luke's face as he felt Ashton tense. His parents gave him a knowing look and Luke gulped slowly. He glanced at Ashton, frownin when the boy gave them a pleading expression. The two adults looked to Luke before leaving the two alone.

Ashton sighed as he led Luke upstairs. They passed by Harry, who shyly waved to Luke. The blonde gave him a timid smile and he followed Ashton into the bedroom. He saw Ashton looking out the window, a blank expression on his face and yet there were tears glazing his eyes.

Luke hesitated before walking up behind him. He wrapped his arms around Ashton's torso from behind, feeling the boy place his hands over his own that were splayed across his stomach. He tucked his chin on Ashton's shoulder and pressed a small kiss to his neck.

He wasn't sure of what to say. He just darted his eyes down to Ashton's report card and saw he had straight A's except two B's and they were in English and Philosophy. He frowned when feeling Ashton shaking slightly, noticing Ashton was sneakily trying to pick at his cuts.

"Ashton, stop," Luke said sternly, playing with the 'Luke' bracelet on Ashton's wrist. He saw a small tear fall from his boyfriend's eye. He sighed and pressed a small kiss to his lips,"Bug, tell me what's wrong. If it's over the grades, just know a letter doesn't determine your intelligence and --"

"I'm leaving."

A silence fell, Luke's heart dropping as Ashton slowly moved from his arms woven around him. He stared as Ashton went across the room and pulled out a letter. He handed it to Luke and the blonde took it with shaky hands. He opened the letter and Ashton watched with a small sniffle.

Luke gulped as he opened the letter and let his eyes read over the paper, seeing the words 'Melbourne University' on the top and he shook his head slowly. Luke clenched his jaw as Ashton went to speak, but he just shoved passed him and angrily left the room.

Ashton rushed after him, exclaiming,"L-Luke, please!"

"Don't touch me!" Luke shouted, feeling Ashton's hand grip his arm. he saw Ashton flinch at his loud voice and he asked with trembling lips,"How long?"

"Luke--"

"I said how long?!" He interrupted with a burning gaze.

Ashton paused before admitting,"Two weeks."

"Two weeks -- that means, after we?" Ashton nodded slowly and Luke looked at him with hurt. "So, you knew on Valentines day? So, you told Calum? Because he's been -- and I just. How could you keep this from me? And don't give me that 'you were so happy' shit!"

"I didn't now how to tell you. I'm sorry, Lukey. I'm really fucking sorry. I didn't know how to tell you." There was silence and Ashton said with a weak, croaky voice as he lightly tugged on Luke's shirt,"Please, don't be mad. I only have a few days. I--I just wanted them to be nice."

Luke glanced at his boyfriend, seeing Ashton's begging and pleading expression. He bit his bottom lip and all the betrayal was filling him as he stared at Ashton. He couldn't believe Ashton kept something like this from him, especially not after the whole trust promising thing.

At first, he wanted to say yes we can forget this and just have a nice last few days together. However, he just couldn't. Luke shook his head and he left own the stairs, hearing Ashton's pleading voice as he headed towards the door and could see Ashton's parents watching in confusion.

As he left, Luke glanced up once more. He saw Ashton's tears dripping down his face, his sweater tugging down past his hands and glasses framing his red-rimmed eyes. But, Luke just looked away. He left, not glancing back and maybe he didn't make the right decision or maybe he did.


	41. Chapter 41

It was weird, because ever since Calum sucked Michael off, the boy barely talks to him. Usually that's not much of a concern, because Michael and him never talk much. They kind of just smile and listen to music together and cuddle. If they talk, Michael would just nod and Calum would ask him yes or no questions.

But, it wasn't that Michael wasn't talking. It was that he was always touching and making out with Calum. Yeah, of course Calum loves that. Any hormonal eighteen year old boy would love that. However, Michael isn't a sexual person and he never was one to make out continuously.

So, that's what Calum didn't like. He felt like Michael was forcing himself into doing something he wasn't ready for. Considering Michael isn't a virgin, the sex-crazed phase (the one you have after losing your virginity in a good way and crave it) is over, so it couldn't be that. Something is making him act this way.

For a while, Calum enjoyed it and he didn't think much of it. It was practically impossible for him to think when his boyfriend would sit in his lap and kiss him as if they would never kiss again. Adding onto that, Michael's kissing skills have definitely gotten better and Calum was happy yet sad about it since that meant he was slowly being less shy and adorable.

Well, he's always adorable and Calum knew this when Michael was giggling and saying stupid cat puns again. He was truly the sweetest person ever. Calum was so happy to be with him and to think, nearly five months ago he was considered straight yet now he's sucked a guy off who he loves very much.

Much to his dismay, his boyfriend was being weird. Because, after him and Ashton finished handcuffing Luke and Michael, the boy insisted they hung out and wanted to be with Calum. At first, Calum was hesitant since his mum may be, but Michael pouted and fluttered his pretty eyelashes, so he agreed.

Because of Michael's innocent personality, Calum assumed they were going to watch the Lion King or some movie and just cuddle like they use to do. So, he was revealed that his mum wasn't home. He wanted to hang out in the living room and just relax since it's been a hard day at track.

At first, Calum had to take a shower. Since he didn't get to fully shower after track, he smelled like sweat and didn't want to disgust Michael. So, he reluctantly had Michael wait in the living room watching Ice Age. He mainly had old movies from when he was younger, but Michael liked them anyways.

As he showered, he contemplated what could be wrong with Michael. Maybe he's just generally turned on a lot after having eighteen years without actually sexual relations. Luke doesn't really count. Because, even if Michael was turned on when they had sex, it wasn't truly intimate since there was no emotional connection except a little crush afterwards that quickly faded.

He honestly didn't know. He wasn't sure if Michael was even ready to go all the way or if this is just a small phase for Michael, who just got very hormonal later than most guys. Maybe Calum sucking him off triggered something for him. Whatever it is, he kind of wants to talked about it.

However, he didn't want to upset Michael or argue. He has too much going on and bringing something up that might be nothing can ruin everything. So, he just ignored it and got out of the shower. He ruffled his hair and ran his hand through the damp hair, smiling a bit as he looked at his appearance. The bags under his eyes were slowly going away.

He tugged on some sweatpants and was going to put on a shirt when he got in the room. After tossing his dirty clothes away, he grabbed a shirt and headed downstairs. He noticed Michael was laying down and curled up with a blanket he left, watching the TV intently as the scene of Diego came on.

Michael must have heard him, because he turned his head and face went red when he saw Calum's bare and slightly went chest from the water. Calum chuckled in amusement and he hopped over the couch, asking teasingly as he wiggle his eyebrows,"Like what you see, love?"

Much to his surprise, Michael nodded and hesitantly placed his hand on Calum's chest before sitting up. He asked quietly,"K-Kiss? Please?"

"Mikey, is something going on?" Calum frowned and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist. He sprawled his hand on the small of his back and added,"Cause, you're acting really weird. You never really asked to kiss this much before. Not that I don't like it, trust me I seriously do, but -- are you okay?"

Michael nodded, smiling and Calum didn't believe that one bit. Before he could ask, however, Michael was pushing him down and eagerly kissing it. It was more clumsy and slightly messy, but that was always expected. However, Michael trailing his hands down Calum's body wasn't.

It was weird, he's never this touchy. He's so confused and wanted to enjoy it. Because, he should always love kissing Michael. They're dating and have been for nearly four months. However, Michael was being so sexual and trying to grind down on Calum's groin.

Honestly, it was really hot. He wasn't going to deny it. Having Michael pull away every so often for a quick breath and passionately kissing him, his hips rutting against Calum's hand making small noise as their heads tilted to get a new angle. It was really hot and he loved it.

So, he enjoyed it for a little while. The longest they ever made out was maybe thirty minutes and it was fun. Kissing is always fun with the right person. Only, this time was weird because Calum was being more touchy as well now. He gripped Michael's bum lightly, pulling him closer and Michael was now gripping his shirt and trying to deepen this kiss, but let out a small whine when it couldn't go any deeper.

Suddenly, he was pulling away with slightly red lips and licking them slightly. He hesitated before pressing small kisses down Calum's neck. Calum was taken by surprise and confused, but was also really turned on. He gulped slowly, panting slightly when feeling Michael grind down on his hard-on that was very obvious.

But, then Michael was tugging at Calum's sweatpants. The boy froze and he snapped at Michael,"Wait, No! Michael, don't."

"W-What?" Michael flinched at his loud voice, moving back with a frown. 

Calum instantly regretted how harsh that was and he asked quietly,"Baby, what are you trying to do?"

"Um," He paused, blushing and lightly placed his hand over Calum's hard on with a shy expression. The innocent look had Calum nearly coming already. He explained in a quiet voice,"W-Wanted to make you...you know. S-So, you can have fun. C-cause, you help but never ask...for h-help?"

At first, Calum was confused. He saw how embarrassed and awkward Michael looked as he avoided Calum's eyes. But, then Michael nervously began Calum through his sweatpants and the touch was so delicate and innocent that Calum clenched his fists on the couch and shook his head quickly, gripping Michael's wrist to halt his movement.

Calum let out a shaky breath and chewed on his bottom lip,"You don't need to do something you aren't ready for. If -- If you're just doing this to please me, stop love. Cause, I'm fine with wanking off or taking a cold shower. I don't want you to just please me. I want you to be happy with doing it."

Michael shyly shrugged and contemplated. He moved his hand from Calum's groin, leaning forward and puckered his lips. Calum chuckled, but kissed him softly and Michael smiled softly,"W-Want to for you. B-Because, want you to be happy. I'm happy when y-you're happy."

"Oh, sweetheart. You're too good for me," Calum said fondly, lightly twirling his finger in Michael's dyed hair. He pursed his lips a bit, thoughtfully looking up and then sighed as he felt himself bein painfully hard. He glanced into Michael's now dark green eyes and nodded,"If you want to, okay? But, just stop if you need."

At first, Michael paused and he felt like so much attention was on him right now. He nervously looked down at Calum's toned body and sheepishly asked,"D-Don't stare?"

"Baby, are you sure y--"

"Yes!" Michael whined, burying his face in his hands. "W-Want to, promise."

So, Calum nodded and obeyed Michael's wish. He's typically giving orders, but he wants to make Michael more comfortable. He did as told and glanced up, not watching Michael which was kind of nerve wracking, but also a little hot since he wouldn't know when it was happening.

Michael shakily rubbed his hands together, trying to remember what Luke said. He decided to start off lightly and just kissed down his chest. He smiled a bit when feeling Calum's body tremble from the small and teasing touches. Michael was never one to be a tease. He was very shy and never knew he could make someone react this way.

As he began tugging at Calum's sweatpants, his heart was pounding and he kept sparing small glances up at Calum just in case he was watching. He didn't want to be watched, he doesn't like attention and he was glad to see Calum was still looking up and had his eyes closed and body slightly tense.

Michael gulped, licking his lips quickly and hesitated as he pulled down his boyfriend's boxers, revealing his hard-on. Michael's face flushed red and he chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. He nervously wrapped his short fingers around the hard-on, trying to to make sure it was fully hard.

He was hesitant with his actions and worried to be doing something wrong when stroking his boyfriend's díck. Calum then pleaded, trying not to be too forcefully to his love as he glanced down,"K-Kitten, can you -- I mean. Like, if you're ready can you please--?"

Michael understood and he got in a more comfortable position, feeling awkward with close still on, but didn't want Calum to be turned off by his ugly body. He chewed on his bottom lip and paused before remembering what Luke said and glanced at Calum once more before letting his tongue lightly trace around the tip.

“O-Oh fuck, Michael don't tease," Calum gasped out, hands lightly gripping the smaller boy's hair. 

Michael giggled quietly, asking shyly,"I-It's okay?"

"Y-Yes, baby. You're perfect, keep going," Calum said, more like asked with a questioning tone. He was practically throbbing in Mchael's hand and trying his best not to rush him because it was his first time doing this.

Michael beamed and stroked him a few times before he brought Calum's hard-on closer to his mouth, opening his red lips and wasting no time in sliding it inside. At first, he started with just the tip, testing and lightly flicking his tongue around, hoping he was doing something pleasing.

He definitely was, because Calum was very responsive. He kept muttering Michael's name, praising him and begging him for more. It was weird to hear, but Michael was blushing and constantly trying to make his boyfriend say his name as he licked over the tip before wanting to please Calum more and took the boy in his mouth as much as he could.

When doing this, Calum nearly came just by that. Michael held back a moan at the heavy weight and salty taste of Calum on his tongue, filling his mouth so much his jaw stretched at the size. It was weird, but not terrible as Michael wrapped his fingers around the base of his hard-on and Calum had just watched in utter amazement.

“My kitten,”Calum groaned deeply, hand lightly caressing Michael's cheek as they reddened under his touch and praising voice. Michael's eyes rimmed with tears by how much he took in. Calum just let out a throat moan when Michael went down more,“So good at this.” 

The praise made Michael eagerly try to take more as he went down, bobbing his head slightly and Calum kept complimenting him and telling him how beautiful he was. Michael was constantly gagging, but he didn't mind even if his throat might hurt the next day.

“God,” Calum moaned, shaking his head slightly at the pleasure filling his body. Michael pulled off , panting heavily to take a breath and takes a deep gulp of air before sliding Calum' hard-on back into his mouth. “No,” Calum jerks suddenly, pulling himself from Michael's mouth.

“But--But, you haven't, you know, y-yet,,” Michael protested, voice croaky and weak, so wrecked. He frowned and pouted slightly,"P-Please, want to make you—”

Calum slid a finger between Michael's swollen cherry red lips. The action took Michael by surprise and Calum smirked slightly. Michael blushed, somehow turned on by this.His lips pursed up around Calum' finger, hesitantly sucking him in and rolling his tongue against his finger as he scooted onto Calum's bare lap.

This made Calum stare at him with dark eyes,"Fuck, I just wanna take you now."

That made Michael tense, immediately moving Calum's finger from his mouth and before either could speak, there was a loud bang. Calum's face paled as he looked down at his naked body and fuck, they're in the living room and on the couch. They're complete idiots.

When Calum went to grab his clothes, Micheal's weight was still on him. And, it was too late anyways. Calum's heart dropped and he was mortified when Luke ran into the house. He had tears falling, looking distraught until is eyes widened when seeing his best friends in the living room, one naked and the other on top of him.

Luke grimaced and covered his eyes as he said hoarsely,"Great, now that image will never leave my mind. Is this payback or something?!"

A horrified expression was on Michael's face as he frantically moved from Calum's lap. He shook his head and covered his face with his hands,"N-No, no, n-no. S-So sorry! M'so sorry."

"Don't apologize, Michael," Luke frowned. He wasn't really mad, he was just playing around. Even if it was awkward, he wouldn't judge too much. "It's...just weird, okay? I mean, like when you walked in on me and Ashton. I just, I need to talk to Calum."

Said boy was tugging on his sweatpants over his boxers, hard-on definitely not hard anymore. He glanced between the two, nodding slowly and gave Luke this look that was too normal for them. Luke nodded and shakily went upstairs, occasionally glancing back at his friends with a grimace.

When he was gone, Calum grinned and lightly pressed Michael up against the door. He peppered his face with kisses, mumbling as Michael let out small giggles,"Can't wait to do that again, lovely. You're so perfect. I swear, your mouth is sinful." Calum cupped his chin, lightly brushing his fingers over Michael's slightly swollen lips,"God, such pretty lips, kitten. Love'm so much."

Never has anyone complimented Michael's lips. He rarely gets compliments in general and this just made him shyly nuzzle his face in Calum's neck. The taller boy hugging him tightly and threading his fingers through his before giving him one more kiss goodbye.

He watched as Michael left, even though he offered to give him a ride. He just watched him leave and smiled softly at the way Michael tugged at his sleeves and was smiling bashfully. It was all too adorable and despite everything they did, he still can't look at Michael as anything but an adorable, innocent kitten who loves Lion King and music and teddy bears.

However, as much as he wanted to think of his boyfriend, he had a friend/brother that needed him. So, he shut the door and went upstairs after quickly wiping down the leather couch. Just in case. Even if he didn't come, he wanted to be sure and hopefully they can make it to the bedroom next time.

When he went upstairs, he was surprised to see Luke laying in his bed instead of his own. He grumbled, causing Luke to look up from his phone with teary eyes. Just by that look, Calum knew Luke knew. He felt extremely guilty, glancing down and awkwardly fidgeted with his fingers.

Luke sniffled quietly, looking up at Calum,"Why would you keep that from me?"

"Luke, don't--"

"You knew. My boyfriend is leaving to fucking Melbourne, ten hours away, and you didn't say anything! You knew for two weeks, why would you not tell me?" Luke exclaimed, more hurt than angry. "I thought we were actually getting along. We live in the same house -- the same room! How could you look at me and not tell me?"

The truth is, Calum had no idea how to reply to that. He shrugged and answered honestly,"I had to do it, Luke. Ashton is my friend, too. It hurt like hell to keep it a secret in general. But, it's what he has to do. You can spend your last days being mad at him or you can call him right now and spend the last few days with each other and making the best of it."

"His parents--"

"Are already sending him off to Uni! Who cares anymore? They did the worst thing already! What more can they do? Just get his ass over here and I'll sleep on the couch tonight," Calum exclaimed in annoyance. He didn't mind giving up his bed to the couple for one night. As long as there's no repeat of last time.

He sighed, grabbing Luke's iPhone and shoving it in his hands. "He shouldn't have kept it from you, but he was just worried. He was crying when he told me. He was sobbing and he didn't want to make you more upset. Just understand that."

At first, Luke was hesitant. He watched as Calum left and laid down on his bed, glancing at his phone.He knew part of what Calum said is true. Ashton is just an over thinker and probably thought it was the best thing to do was wait and make the best of it.

However, Ashton wasn't even making the best of their time together. He was distant and looking so sad. The guilt got to him and he couldn't be around Luke for the longest time. So, in the end, either way they would have been sad and being honest would have been a lot better.

But, he knew what Calum told him was true. He needs to spend his time with Ashton being happy and not ignoring him. Even if he's still pissed off, he's more sad than anything. His boyfriend is gone. He's leaving in only a week and he didn't know what to do with this terrible news.

They've been together for nearly four months. It doesn't seem like a lot, but in those months, they had so much going on. They just had sex only a couple weeks ago. They couldn't just be separated. Not after being so close and intimate, it wasn't fair at all.

Luke sighed and unlocked his phone. He went to his pictures, frowning at the silly photos of Ashton. He smiled at the one of him sleeping and chuckled sadly. Being apart would be torture. Not seeing Ashton in person everyday. He was use to being around him. Having him constantly in his arms.

Finally, after hours of waiting and procrastinating and ignoring Calum's shouts and Ashton's texts, he did it. He went to his texts, seeing tons of Ashton making many typos and he frowned. Because, Ashton is the type of person who uses proper grammar when texting.

He hesitated and typed out 'come over? x I'm sorry. I love you, bug.' and he went to take a quick shower since Ashton would take a while. He rushed, seeing it was almost eleven at night and glanced downstairs after having a towel around his waist and saw Calum was watching TV.

He went to their room and changed into plaid pajama pants with a sleeveless tanktop that was slightly old now. He laid down in Calum's bed, seeing as Calum basically gave him permission. He noticed Ashton texted and was relieved when he saw it was an 'okay x love you, too.' and it was okay.

Because, not long after, the bedroom door was opening and in walked a sad and depressed looking Ashton. The boy was trembling and Luke's heart broke when he saw the tear-stains on his cheek. He frowned and lifted the covers, inviting Ashton under to the warmth.

A timid smile formed on his lips and he kicked off his shoes, wearing stripped pajama pants and a cream colored sweater. He crawled under, Luke wrapping his arm and the blanket around him. Ashton sniffled quietly and when Luke held him tight, small sobs left his parted lips as he clinged to Luke with his legs wrapping around him.

Ashton mumbled out in his quiet cries,"I-I'm so sorry, I really am. I--I'm so so sorry."

"Shhh, s'okay," Luke whispered, even if it wasn't. 

Because, he saw the cuts on Ashton's wrist. He saw them when Ashton drifted to sleep and he felt like shit when he did. He shouldn't have left like that. He knew he couldn't coddle and be there for Ashton all the time. But, he also knew how insecure and sensitive and attached Ashton was.

Him leaving was wrong even if Ashton didn't hurt himself. Because, despite being angry, he should have been more mature and listened to Ashton. Either way, he won't bring up the self-harm. Not in the next couple of days alone. They had such limited time and needed to spend it being happy and with one another.

Luke pressed a small kiss to Ashton's forehead, sighing contently at the smell of green apples in Ashton's hair. He ran his fingers over Ashton's bare back from where the shirt rode up. He then drifted to sleep, making sure the next few days were going to be perfect.

-

The last few days with Ashton started terribly, mainly because his parents were constantly picking him up from school early and this made it practically impossible for Luke to see him. Them not being together like that made it terrible and ruined all their plans to be together.

The thing is, Ashton wanted to go to Melbourne. He was happy to be getting in the school. Perhaps it's because he just wants to be away from his parents. However, he also just really wants to go to the University of his dreams. It was his parents dream first, but its his too.

He got in early. Because, apparently his parents were talking to the school and someone went to the science fair he participated when he and Luke kissed. They saw he won and well, they were very happy to see his grades were well rounded, he had a love for science and was very intelligent while also being in the S.O.S club and having helped kids tutor the year before.

When he first heard the news, you could say he was mad. That's what his mum called him down for that morning after him and Luke had sex. She showed him the letter and well, he wasn't happy. He was so mad because they went behind his back and signed him up for something he didn't want to do so quickly.

But, the more he thought about and it and the more he talked to Calum about it, he realized getting into Melbourne may never come again. They said he would need to reapply if he denies it and wait just like everyone else. And, this is what he worked so hard for.

All those years he put into studying and being forced not to eat until he go an A, it all came to this. He got into Melbourne University and he can't just not go. He wanted to go. He wanted to be happy and in a place where he can be accepted, which Luke understood fully.

For the past few days, him and Luke talked about everything. They went on small dates when his parents didn't bring him home and they kissed and they made love again. The night before the day he was leaving and it was beautiful, just like the first time.

But, Luke saw his cuts. He did relapse and he felt so bad. It was when Luke left him and he felt as if he deserved to be punished. He hated making Luke so angry and upset. He hated betraying him and making him feel like a second choice, because he isn't.

Luke is always number one. However, sometimes you need to do the right thing. Right now, Ashton going to Uni could benefit him. He'll be with smart people in his science courses and he'll make some new friends and start over the right way, with a happy smile and a fresh new slate.

Because of this, Luke couldn't hold him back. They talked it over and both decided to try long distance. It's a thin chance they will stay together, but if they try hard enough and call and Skype and do everything they can to give each other space, but not enough for them to fade apart, it can work.

Throughout Ashton's last day, he and Luke were attached. They didn't go to school, they skipped and they made out in the S.O.S clubhouse that Mitch lent them. Ashton was so sad as he cuddled on Luke's lap and buried his face in his neck, his frown placed on his lips.

Luke sighed softly and asked with a croaky voice,"How many more hours?"

"My mum is picking me up in an hour," Ashton answered sadly, glancing up at Luke and captured his lips with his own. The kiss was soft, yet need and Ashton said weakly when seeing how said Luke was,"P-Please don't cry. Please. I just want to see you smile. I hate when you cry, it hurts."

"But, I'm gonna miss you so much," Luke blubbered out in a mess, holding Ashton tightly. "Who's gonna be there for you? Who's gonna make sure you don't relapse? Who's gonna call you bug and tickle you when you're annoying? Who's gonna kiss you and tell you how beautiful you are?"

"You can still do that," Ashton assured, cupping Luke's cheek and wiping the stray tears with the pad of his thumb. He pressed a small kiss to Luke's shaky lips,"Lukey, I'm not worth crying over. Ten hours away is nothing. We can see each other this summer. We still have our birthdays and your guys's graduation. I will be there, remember? My mum promised if I do well she'll let me come for your graduation."

Luke sighed reluctantly, shaking his head and he nuzzled his nose to Ashton's damp cheek. They shared another longing kiss and Ashton leaned his head on Luke's chest. They waited and waited, the time flying by as they prepared for Michael and Calum to finish up their classes.

They were having their last meeting as a 4/4 club. Ashton insisted they kept the club despite him leaving. Saying they need to be there for each other, even if he wasn't there. It hurt so bad to realize how life was going to be with Ashton no longer being only a few streets away.

When Michael found out Ashton was leaving, he was distraught. Even if they weren't as close as Luke and Calum were to Ashton, they had their moments. They cared just as much about one another and Michael was just unable to process his friend leaving. He couldn't lose another.

However, it had to happen. It was happening. Soon enough, Michael was crawling into the tree house and scooting to where his beanbag was and timidly waved to Ashton. The boy nodded at him with a sigh and Calum soon appeared, not looking so happy himself as he wore the Misfits hoodie Ashton got him for Christmas.

Luke sighed and he patted Ashton's thigh. The boy sat up so Luke could move to his own beanbag, sitting in front of the others and there was this pause. All looking down as if giving them a moment to enjoy their limited time with all four of them together. Because, only less than thirty minutes until Ashton's mum will be honking her horn.

Finally, Luke spoke with a forced smile,"So, Today is the day. And, Ashton's leaving," Luke glanced to his boyfriend with a sigh. "Because of this, we decided to do something else instead of our usual routine. Ashton's in charge. He told me his idea and he insisted we did this for our last meeting."

Ashton got up and he pressed a small kiss to Luke's cheek as a thank you. The other two looked confused and Ashton got his bag. He pulled out a weighing scale and he placed it down. He then grabbed a stick of chalk from the box in his bag and walked back over to where they all seemed confused aside from the smiling Luke.

The glasses-wearing boy sat the scale down went to where a small chalkboard was on the wall. He wrote down 'Ash--', 'Calum--' and 'Luke--' with the blue chalk. He then saw Michael frowning and just chuckled, because it was a sad moment but something he needed to do before leaving. Some reassurance.

"Michael." The boy perked up at his name and Ashton asked curiously,"Do find me, Calum and Luke all fit? Not hot, but do you think we're all at least in shape or good looking."

Michael blushed, chewing on the end of his sleeve slightly as a nervous habit. He nodded and Ashton hummed slightly. He then asked,"And, you think we're really skinny, right? Like, we're all under a hundred pounds? Cause, that's the only way we can be healthy. Is if we're under a hundred."

"O-Only way," Michael agreed, timidly smiling. "I'm a-almost under, too."

"We know," Calum said sadly with a forced smile. Because, he now knew what Ashton was doing. It was a mind trick thing and he didn't know if it was a good idea or not, but either way it was really smart.

Ashton pursed his lips and nodded to Luke. The blonde stood up and Ashton said to the selective mute boy,"Alright, so you think we all need to be under a hundred pounds to be the perfect weight?" Michael nodded again. "Okay, let's see how much Luke weighs."

A confused look appeared on Michael's face as they got the scale turned on and fixed it up so they knew it was at 0.00 and the two boys joined them, Calum's arm around Michael's waist. They waited as Luke stepped on, the numbers going up digitally and then the numbers appeared.

157 pounds ( 71 kilos).

A grin formed on Luke's face and he glanced at Michael. The boy furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Luke and shook his head slowly. However, Ashton didn't let him speak. He just let the numbers go back to zero as he wrote Luke's weight down and then he went. The numbers appeared.

137 pounds (63 kilos).

A gaping expression was on Michael's face as he looked at the numbers, not understanding. He shook his head at Ashton's proud expression and saw Calum leave his side as the number went to zero. He gulped nervously, chewing on the end of his sleeve when Calum stepped on.

He didn't get it. A hundred is bad. Three digits aren't good. They're terrifying and they're scary. Why are the boys so happy? They're all overweight. But, then again, they look skinny. It was weird and wrong and didn't add up.

They're all toned and so good looking. They couldn't possibly be fatter than him. Calum is muscular and Ashton has a small six pack and Luke had amazing arms and legs and Ashton's thighs were strong. He didn't get it and soon Calum's number showed.

163 pounds. (73 kilos).

Michael's breath hitched as he shook his head rapidly,"N-No, wrong! It's wrong!"

"It's not wrong, Michael," Ashton assured, walking over to his friend slowly. He placed a hand on Michael's shoulder and said with a timid smile,"Listen to me, okay? Can you just -- just listen. Because, I'm leaving in less than a few minutes and I need to tell you this in person before I leave. Just let me talk and you need to listen."

At first, Michael wasn't saying anything. He just looked at Ashton and he saw how concerned he was. His hazel eyes that were hidden behind his glasses so worried and his lips in a frown and he couldn't deny this. Not when he was going to be ten hours away and never see him for months.

So, Michael nodded weakly and Ashton glanced at the two boys before saying,"We love you. We care about you. You're beautiful and you can't see it. But, that's okay. I don't see why Luke thinks I'm beautiful. But, I can see he is. Can you see that Calum's gorgeous?"

"O-Of course," Michael said instantly.

Ashton grinned,"And, do you think he's overweight?"

"Never."

"But, over a hundred is bad," Ashton retorted, trying to get to his goal. "And, Calum is sixty eight kilos. Doesn't that mean he's overweight?"

Michael went to argue, unable to process this. But, he slowly closed his mouth and he was so confused. He looked at the numbers the boys wrote and he didn't understand. He spoke weakly,"But, I-I'm so fat and weigh less. Don't g-get it. C-Calum?"

His boyfriend shrugged lightly, walking over and took his hand. "You're sick. Michael, you're anorexic. It's...unhealthy. I love you and I will never not love you. But, this is scaring not only me, but everyone else. That's why you're in therapy. I can see it's slowly helping. But, I know you're doing it for me and the boys. You need to do it for yourself. To realize how bad this is."

"And, you're not overweight. You're underweight," Luke added, voice gentle as he spoke and saw how blank Michael's face was as they spoke. "Like you said, you weigh less than us. You say a hundred is bad. But, you say we're skinny. We're over a hundred pounds. Calum is over halfway past a hundred."

Michael looked down with furrowed eyebrows and felt his bottom lip tremble as he spoke,"S-So fat, though. Not good enough! I don't -- I'm not --"

"Kitten, calm down and breathe," Calum soothed and wrapped his arms around Michael. His heart breaking, because he's still so small. So tiny and light in his arms that he easily wraps around him. They can all hear a loud honk and Calum whispered to Michael,"It's okay, baby. We're here for you. Always will be."

When Michael smiled weakly, Calum nodded and gave him a small kiss on the lips. He glanced at Ashton and saw he was going to speak. But, Calum already knew. He just grabbed Ashton's bags and nodded for Michael to go down the ladder. Them both leaving.

As they left down the tree house, Luke went to follow, but was pulled back. He went to speak, but Ashton just shushed him and kissed him deeply. Luke smiled and kissed back, wrapping his arms around Ashton's waist and the two pulled away with their foreheads leaned against each other.

Ashton let out a small breath, chewing his bottom lip and stepped away. He went over to where the suitcase was. The time capsule holding memories of the last few months. He opened it and Luke watched fondly as Ashton sat criss-cross and began looking at the objects.

A moment was felt and then Luke walked over. He sat next to the boy and they both chuckled softly at some of the objects, despite them being in there for sad reasons. Ashton lifted up the lighter he put in on the first Friday meeting and flicked it up, a small and weak flame glowing until he shut it.

Ashton leaned his head on Luke's shoulder and he took out his phone. Luke watched curiously, then lips curled in a proud smile when seeing Ashton take off his phone case and dumped out the small razor blades in the suitcase. A silence falling between the two.

Neither said anything. Luke just tilted Ashton's chin up and let his lips kiss him softly and repeatedly. Them both unable to hold back the tears and pain they felt. Ashton gulped slowly before placing a hand on the back of Luke's neck, deepening the sad, slow kiss before they pulled away with tears falling.

They heard another car honk and Luke stood up. He took Ashton's hand and they both went down the ladder. Ashton saw his mum and dad in the front seat of the car and he sighed, turning to Calum. He pulled the boy in a hug and Calum was strong, holding back the tears because now he needs to be both him and Ashton. That was part of the deal and Ashton was joking, but he can do it.

He then looked at Michael, who's hoodie was baggy and hoped the next time he saw him, the hoodie would fit him the way it's suppose to. He paused and went to the car, digging in his back and he hesitated before walking over. He handed Michael something and the boy's eyes widened at the book.

'The Outsiders'

Michael stuttered out,"W-Why?"

"You need to stay gold, Michael," Ashton told him jokingly, but all seriousness underlying the tone. 

Arms wrapped around his waist and the light-weighted boy practically tackled him in a hug. Ashton stumbled back, but smiled as Michael hugged him. There first ever true hug and it just had to be when Ashton was leaving miles away and during a sad day.

Either way, he accepted the hug and was surprised when Michael pressed a small, yet linger kiss to his cheek. Ashton's heart leaped, not from love or feelings for Michael. But, for the brotherly attachment he felt. From the surprise at the sudden action. And yeah, he needed to pull away before Calum killed him with that jealous expression on his face.

He laughed lightly, watching as Michael curled into Calum's side. And Ashton walked to the car, giving the three boys a small wave. His eyes landed on Luke, who he already said goodbye to. The blonde was already crying silently with tears falling and Ashton went to go in the car, but he just couldn't. Not without another goodbye.

Ashton quickly rushed back to Luke, body clinging to the blonde and practically jumping in his arms. He didn't kiss him, he didn't do anything but hug and cling because it's the last time for a while that he can do it. His legs around Luke's waist like always and Luke sniffling quietly.

Ashton asked insecurely,"D-Don't give up on me. O-only a couple months, we can make it, right? C-Cause, I love you. I'm sorry for not telling you, I just love you. I can't lose you. P-Promise we can make it?" Ashton pulled his face from Luke's neck, cheeks flushed, eyes red as he looked at the blonde,"P-Promise me?"

"Of course," Luke said without hesitation, pecking his lips softly. "I've been so happy loving you, Ash. I--I can never imagine being with anyone else. We're together, okay? We always will be. I am so proud of you, Ash."

He heard Ashton's mum honking again much to both their annoyances. Luke groaned and quickly gave him one more chaste kiss as the boy went back on his feet."It's not goodbye, Ash...it's see you later? I will always love you, just know that. Forever."

"I love you, too. Forever," Ashton replied, glancing at the other two boys and he reluctantly let go of Luke's hands that were somehow entwined with his. He shakily grabbed his back, unwillingly moving towards the car as he watched the three boys wave goodbye to him.

Ashton went in the back of the car and he sat with his siblings. He was second guessing himself. Some part of him knowing he wanted to stay, but the other wanting him to leave. To take the opportunity and know he can trust Luke. He can trust them all to take care of themselves.

If he can go across the country to University all by himself, then they can make it through this as well. He's on his own now and he sighed as heard his mum start up the car. He gulped slowly, hearing his sister and brother chatting and he nervously looked out the window. 

He could see the three were so upset and suddenly flashbacks to the beginning of the year started. Luke was so confident and scared in his old family home, but now he's just happy and in a new home with Calum. Calum was barely able to get any sleep and now he's getting a couple extra hours than before and he's no longer cocky or rude. 

And Michael.

Well, Michael's finally realized he's anorexic. Maybe not fully, but Ashton left a stamp on that and made sure he made some improvement before he left. He's talking and he's smiling. He found love. Just like Ashton, who put the razors and his old Bradley necklace in the suitcase of their long lost memories that were fading.

Despite everything that's happened, they're making it. They all relapsed and they all had their breakdown. They all fell and now it's time they rose. Ashton was doing what he dreamed of and yeah, he's gone. But, he's still there and only a phone call away.

With that in mind, he pressed his lips to his fingers, waving goodbye as his mum drove out of the parking lot and closed his eyes when the boys were out of sight, leaning his head against the window and was prepared to have a fresh start.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, obviously Ariana is going to be mentioned a lot in the chapter. She's a big part of Michael, he's a fan of her like we're a fan of 5sos, you know? So, you don't have to like her. But, don't comment negativity towards her. How would you feel if people did that to 5sos? Exactly. She's like his hero like the boy are some of ours :)

Ever since Ashton left, nothing's been the same. They kept the club, but for the first week they didn't have meetings. Mainly because things were hard for Luke. Of course, being Ashton's boyfriend and the first person to get close with him, he had a harder time dealing with him leaving.

The problem was that the boys were acting as if he lost Ashton. Literally. They were acting like he died and that he was mourning. Which was completely ridiculous in Luke's opinion. He's fine. He's just a little sad and them walking on eggshells around him were upsetting him even more.

At first, Luke was a little...anti-social. He wouldn't talk as much as usual and was constantly skipping practice to Skype Ashton. The boy had the same time, so it wasn't that. It was just the fact that Ashton was always so busy and having way too many classes than he should as a freshman.

It wasn't right for him to be so crammed on his first week. As far as Luke knew, freshman should have less classes so they can get use to it all. Ashton just went from having his parents hammering to do all this work, from having friends and a boyfriend around and a roof over his head along with food he didn't need to worry about. Despite not being able to eat a lot.

Now, he was off in another city with some roommate Luke wasn't pleased with and it was just not right. He didn't understand why Ashton even wanted to leave. At least, not now. He should have just stayed and waited a few months. Not having to worry about anything.

Ashton can't even come back, sadly. Not to school, anyways. He already graduated. He had all his credits from the extra work and he 'missed' school on Valentines day because he was taking his exams to finish off school and Luke was really upset that he lied to him. But, he was more upset that he was gone now.

He just had to date some stupid braniac that had straight A's except two B's his mum wasn't proud of. And, he just had to fall hopelessly in love with someone who is way smarter than him. Someone that is going to achieve so much while Luke can't even get an A in any classes.

He's too focused on the people around to care for his grades. Is school even important? Maybe not if you have a plan. Luke has nothing. He can't get into University and he doesn't know what he's going to do now. He had three months until graduation and the exams are coming soon. 

But, unlike those who were freaking out and slamming information in their brains, Luke was just checking in on his boyfriend. Which, honestly, isn't a bad thing. Ashton was so far away and considering his self-harm and anxiety, Luke just wanted to make sure he was okay.

He would remind Ashton to take his pills since he was in a new place with people he didn't know. He didn't want to be overprotective, but sometimes Ashton likes it so he would check in. It was just a safety precaution since Ashton didn't have anyone else to remind him and Luke just wanted to make sure he was being safe.

As of now, Luke was outside the building where Michael's therapy session was held. He was feeling sad and so Calum suggested the two hung out. The Ariana Grande concert was in two days and they were leaving later that night. It's a twenty hour flight with only one stop, so Calum was getting some movies to watch and head pillows for your neck.

Despite being happy for Michael to see his idol, Luke felt left out and he didn't want to say much. If Ashton was still in Sydney, he wouldn't care that the boys were leaving. But, since he's not with them anymore, Luke was alone. He'd be by himself for three days and it just wasn't fair.

But, it also was fair because Michael deserves a little present and some fun. Luke was just going to suck it up and try not to show any jealousy. He wasn't even a fan of Ariana, but he wished he could go. However, he kind of knew it was a little getaway for the couple and didn't want to intrude on their plans.

Suddenly, he heard a door open and looked up from his phone. He smiled when seeing Michael shyly walking out and giving him a timid smile. Michael's been really trying to hold back his excitement for the concert and Luke felt so bad for Calum. Because, since Michael is holding in his excitement, he's probably going to be going crazy at the concert. 

Luke motioned for Michael to follow and they headed to the car. He asked curiously as he turned on the car,"So, how is therapy? I'm imagining it's boring and weird and awkward like the one's on TV."

"No, um. I-It's okay," Michael shrugged, smiling as he heard 'One Last Time' play on the radio. Luke saw him biting his lip to hold back and look out the window. "W-We talk. I-I talk sometimes. But, usually w-write on board. Cause, not fully okay...with her yet."

A proud expression formed on Luke's face as he noted,"Your stuttering is going down."

"O-Only around you...and the boys," Michael said, learning to pause sometimes and speak more slowly to lower the stuttering. He nervously chewed on the end of the sleeve of his jacket. He noticed they weren't going towards Luke's place and asked,"W-Where are we going?"

Luke turned down the street, pulling into the parking lot of the mall. He told him with a small shrug,"I thought you might like to get something for the concert. Like an outfit or something? Maybe you can make a sign to try and get recognized. I don't know if people do that anymore, but yeah."

"Really?" Michael's voice went slightly high with excitement, holding a sleeve-covered hand over his smile. "U-Um, no poster. But...something e-else?"

A small chuckle left Luke's lips as he nodded, pulling into a parking spot. The two friends left from the car and went into the mall to search for a nice store to get whatever Michael might want. Luke already knew Calum would spoil Michael in New York and buy him souvenirs from the concert, so clothes weren't really necessary.

When they went in the mall, Michael was clinging to Luke and memories flashed to when they were like this before. Usually Michael would stay quiet and hold Luke's hand. But, he was just smiling and whispering about how Calum said he had a surprise and Luke knew what the surprise was. He won't tell, though.

He just beamed, so proud of his best friend for slowly opening up more. Michael rambled (well, as much as Michael could) about how Rixton was opening up and Luke didn't know who that was, however he just nodded and they went into a fun looking story that held random items.

At first, they just looked around and Luke grabbed some stupid and cheap things like candy and a string back Michael might want to put water in. As he did so, he got a text from Calum saying he's home and wanted to see how long they would be. Luke frowned, wanting to spend a longer time with Michael, but reluctantly said 'twenty minutes' and went to where his friend was.

Michael was on the other side of the store, looking at some weird costume like items. Luke confusingly walked over and raised an eyebrow. He saw Michael was checking out some kitten ear headpieces that were like for cat costumes. He chuckled slightly and Michael jumped, blushing.

Luke asked curiously,"Why are you looking at kitten ears?"

For a second, Michael looked embarrassed. But, then he just awkwardly took out his phone. He went to his saved photos and swiped to an album, chewing his bottom lip and showed Luke a picture of Ariana Grande. He nodded now, seeing he wanted to wear since she loves and wears kitten ears.

Also, Michael added sheepishly,"A-And, I'm Calum's kitten."

Luke 'aw'ed teasingly and nudged his friend. A blush coated Michael's cheeks as he looked down. Luke glanced at the picture and then the kitten ears, pulling out the black ones that resembled Ariana's the most. He then pull out his credit card and led Michael over to the check out.

After they paid for it along with some things Luke decided he needed, they headed towards the exit. There was a frown on Luke's face and he glanced at his friend, wanting to do more with him and spend more time with the boy. However, he knew Michael was obviously happier being with Calum.

It's not like Luke can please him the way Calum does and make him feel a certain way. It's sort of like how Luke is with Ashton. He feels better with Ashton, even if he loves Michael. If he had to choose between the two, though, he isn't sure he could. It just isn't a decision a person can make very easily.

However, on his way out, Luke halted and he glanced at the hair store. A place with hair dye, hair equipment and so on. He smirked and grabbed Michael's hand, dragging him to the place and Michael was confused. They went into the store and Luke rushed down the isle, earning strange looks from people around. 

Luke went to where hair dye was and he went through a few colors. That was, until he saw a bright red hair dye and he grinned, seeing Michael following with a worried expression. Luke went to him, practically shoving the box in his face and sighed in annoyance at Michael's confused face.

He exclaimed,"Mikey, c'mon. You're seeing Ariana in concert and wasn't she that red-haired girl on the show...er..-"

"Victorious. Cat!"

"Right, Cat!" He chuckled, finding it cute how irritated Michael seemed that he didn't know that. "Anyways, your green hair is dying and I thought maybe it'd be cool to dye it red for the concert. It can get her attention too! Maybe she'd instantly recognize you, since well, I'm sure many people wouldn't be having red hair."

A nervous expression showed on Michael's face, hesitantly taking the box and examining the color. He bit his bottom lip, scared it might turn out horrible. Only certain people can look good with red since it's like a bright color. Like Ariana Grande and...well, Ariana Grande. 

There's Ed Sheeran, but his is a very orange color. He sighed and saw Luke's insistent expression. So, Michael nodded and he let Luke lead him over to the check out. They gained judgmental looks from people and it was kind of dumb, since there are many boys who dye their hair.

After they finished up their shopping, Luke received a text from Ashton asking if he was up for a Skype chat. So far, they haven't missed a day and it's been a week, so that's good news. Luke knew sometimes Ashton won't be able to Skype. And sometimes he won't be able to either. But, for now while they're in the 'i miss you so much' phase of long distance, they want to Skype a lot.

Because of this, Luke figured Calum could help Michael out with the hair dye. He knew the boy may freak out that Michael wants to dye it again since it's been thinning out, but the color is fading anyways. It's at this light green color. It's not ugly, it just looked better when it was brighter.

On the way home, Michael was looking at the set list for the concert and telling Luke how upset he was that Just a Little Bit of Your Heart wasn't on there along with Stick Around. He then pouted when he saw neight there 'Better Left Unsaid' and grumbled under his breath. The best songs weren't on there and he then just smiled anyways, since he at least got to go and Tattooed Heart was on, which made it better.

When they got to the house, Luke followed Michael inside and they spotted Calum on the couch watching TV with his sweats on and hair slightly messy. Michael beamed, rushing over and sitting next to him, greeting his boyfriend with a kiss. It was sickeningly cute and Luke missed kissing Ashton a lot.

Calum asked, wrapping an arm around Michael,"What did you guys get?"

Michael looked at Luke and the blonde tossed the bag. He leaned back against the stairs, seeing Michael show Calum the kitten ears and hair dye. His eyes met Calum, nodding slowly. Calum held back a smirk and pulled out a piece of paper, hiding it behind his back.

Calum halted Michael's words as he said,"Listen, Mikey...we don't have the tickets anymore."

"W-What...?" Michael's heart dropped, shaking his head slowly. "N-No! But, A-Ariana—"

Calum chuckled, holding up two new tickets with a grin,"Because, we have new ones. I sold mine and got us some meet and greet shit. We get to meet her before the concert and get a picture in the photo booth thing she does. And, we get to see the merch and everything before everyone else. So, it's like we have first choosing."

A silence fell, Michael's heart stopping as he smacked a hand over is mouth. He shakily took the ticket from Calum's hand and saw Luke handing him a VIP pass that had a picture of her on it. He looked at Calum with such a thankful expression, hugging him tightly and practically crawling in his lap.

A small smile was on Luke's face, hearing Michael sniffling and thanking Calum repeatedly. Michael was kissing Calum's lips repeatedly, blushing as he felt a few tears fall. He went to wipe them away, but Calum just kissed him deeply, mumbling something Luke couldn't make out. But, it was obviously a typical Calum thing to say since Michael was nodding and sniffling more as he kissed him again.

Most people would make fun of someone for crying over tickets. But, it was just like when a girl cries over a band. Michael just loved the girl for as long as Luke knew. That's why he talked to Calum and suggested he got VIP passes and meet & greet tickets. He told him how much Michael would love that and well, Calum had to convince his dad a lot.

The only reason Mr.Hood said yes was because Michael had gained seven pounds and was now at a healthier weight. He still needed thirty more to be at he ideal weight, but he was getting there. He still wasn't a hundred percent understanding of the anorexia, but he was becoming aware.

Luke decided to give them some privacy, going upstairs and texted Ashton to get on Skype. He smiled and went to his room, shutting the door when hearing Michael playing Bang Bang much to his annoyance. He didn't hate the song, he loved it, but it was tiresome especially when Michael plays it so much.

When he got on the futon, he kicked off his shoes and took Calum's laptop. Well, now it's their laptop. He didn't want to ask for one and had his own account now. Calum didn't like sharing at first, but now he's more open to giving up some things for his new brother.

After logging in, he nervously went to Skype and fixed up his hair. He still gets a little awkward with how he looks over camera. But, soon enough there was Ashton's name popping up. He clicked 'answer' and beamed at Ashton. The boy looked slightly tired, wearing his glasses and having his hair less fringy. He had on a batman shirt and was smiling softly.

Luke bit his lip lightly and said shyly,"Hi, what's up?"

"Hey, um. Just got from class, my roommate went to his girlfriend's dorm." Ashton gave Luke this 'they're so fucking' look and Luke let out a small chuckle. Ashton awkwardly moved the camera, trying to get comfy and said,"So, h-how's it going over there? You know, with Michael and Calum."

"We all miss you a lot," Luke reminded, frowning and he saw Ashton look down. He didn't mean to make him feel guilty, so he added,"Oh, Calum finally showed Mikey the tickets. So, I can only imagine what's gonna be happening in the hotel room they're staying at."

His suggestive tone made Ashton gape, smiling in amusement,"You're telling me they're gonna...?"

"Maybe, I mean, they both already did some things. And, the opportunity is there. Plus, I saw Calum put some condoms and lube in his bag," Luke pointed out with a sigh.

Ashton hesitated,"But, Michael's still...you know, so won't that be bad?"

Luke shook his head,"No. He's gained a little weight. He's up to a hundred and fourteen pounds. It's not a good weight. It's not healthy, he's still skinny. But, he's gained something and that's good enough for me. I think...what you said to him really helped. I hope you know Michael misses you, too."

"I doubt it," Ashton scoffed, picking at the lint on his shirt. "We barely got to hang out. The only time we ever talked was when we needed to."

A look of disbelief crossed Luke's face. He slowly hook his head and he told Ashton with narrowed eyes,"Don't think like that. You guys had just as much of a bond as you and Calum and me and Michael. You guys care about each other. Why don't you Skype him one day? You know, after the concert."

"It'd be awkward," He noted, grazing his teeth against his bottom lip.

Luke laughed and nodded, but he reminded him that it's always awkward. So, Ashton gave in and the two stayed quiet for a moment. Them both glancing at each other shyly and there was a tension. They both knew what it was for and they both didn't want to talk about it.

It was obvious Luke wasn't happy like this, but he loves Ashton and once they get passed the missing each other constantly, they can make it. There's a small bump that they need to get over and they're almost there. Ashton was his happiness and having that ripped from him was hard, but it was worth it.

Luke planned to move to Melbourne after graduation. Maybe he can get a job to save money for a flat where him and Ashton can live. As far as he knew, Calum was going to Sydney University and he figured Michael would be following after him as well.

In the end, they were going to have a lot of problems to deal with when it came to their relationship. But, just a couple months. Luke kept reminding himself when hearing Ashton speak of science things he didn't care for. He just stared at his lips, wishing he could kiss them and sometimes wishes can come true.

-

You could say Michael was very excited. He was freaking out practically and it was all so adorable to Calum. On the plane ride to America (New York City), Michael slept most of the time with his head on Calum's shoulder and lips brushing against the tan skin of his neck. 

It was so cute how excited Michael was and the fact that he cried over the tickets was just so surprising to Calum. He didn't think Luke was serious when he said Michael would cry. But, he wasn't making fun of the boy. He just didn't expect that and it made his heart practically melt.

The plane ride was so long and they landed around one in the morning, so that sucked. It was because at the half-mark, they had a small delay and Calum had Michael eat some chips, despite him whining that he's not hungry. That didn't work with Calum. Even if Michael wasn't hungry, his body was.

Luckily, he ate some and Calum sighed as Michael wrote down the carbs with shaky hands and clicking his pen repeatedly. It was sad to see him like this, but Calum just leaned over and kissed him quickly. It gained a few disgusted looks, but also some fond ones.

When they got to the hotel, which was Hotel Pennsylvania, they went to their room. It was a one bedroom suite and the bed was a king sized and humongous. They even had a little living room area that was more of a sitting room, but it was so nice and Michael was scared to ask the price. 

That night was tiring and the concert was the next day, so they had to go right to bed that way they could be up for the concert. They needed to leave around six, so they can get through everything and the concert is at 7:30. This gave them time to get merchandise, meet Ariana and then find their seats. 

They were in row seven, which wasn't the front row, but honestly the front row didn't seem that good anyways. You need to crane your neck just to see her and they were tall, so they could be in the way of a lot of people behind them. Having complaints wasn't the best.

Which is why, the next day, they were getting all ready for the concert for the longest time. Michael was practically panicking, double checking that they had the tickets and constantly trying to get his hair right because 'I c-can't look uglier' and that broke Calum's heart to hear that.

He really liked Michael's hair, though. The red was really bright and not what he thought it would come out to be. Michael hated it, saying he looked so stupid. But, Calum just kept kissing him and saying he looked really hot and that it was a great decision to dye it red.

Since the concert was indoors, that meant they didn't need to worry about the cold. It's march, but it's still chilly in New York, or so they heard. It was cold to them, at least, since they're use to the heat. Because of this, Michael wore a long sleeve, black shirt and skinny jeans.

Calum just went with a blue flannel and skinny jeans as well. They were both getting ready and Michael was in the bathroom, trying to situate his kitten ears. He was blushing a little, hoping he didn't look stupid and wouldn't be made fun of. He wanted the night perfect and would rather not be called childish.

However, Calum walked in and leaned against the doorframe with a fond smile on his face. The boy was too busy playing with the ears to see him and Calum was just so happy. He's never seen Michael so excited over something and to look at the smile that's never left his smile all day was a blessing.

He noticed Michael was now pouting and didn't like that, not when he's suppose to smile. So, he walked over and stood behind him. He took the ears from Michael's hand and paused before snuggly tucking them behind Michael's actual ears. The black ears sticking out and Calum grinned.

Michael mumbled a 'thank you' shyly and Calum just kissed the back of his neck. He wrapped his arms around Michael's waist, chest to Michael's back and rested his chin on his shoulder. He lightly nipped at Michael's neck, sucking a small love bite and Michael's breath hitched, face red and smile growing as he giggled a bit.

Calum told him honestly, staring right at Michael in the mirror,"You look beautiful, Kitten."

"T-Thank you," Michael stuttered out, looking down and didn't believe the words. But, he didn't want to disagree. That seems like he's fishing for compliments.

Calum knew he didn't believe him, so he turned the boy and just smiled. He fixed up the crooked ears, kissing his cheek repeatedly and then his lips. He told Michael as he picked a piece of lint off his sweater,"You are the most beautiful person I ever met. I love you, yeah? And, I love your cute little kitten ears."

That made Michael nod slowly, repeating the 'i love you' and he embraced Calum tightly. Since it was nearly six, they quickly got everything together and Michael searched for the tickets. Calum grabbed the bag and his wallet for the souvenirs, making sure they had their VIP passes.

Once they were ready, Michael was unable to stay still from how excited he was. He kept trying to hide it, but it was impossible. The stadium was really close, so they just walked there. There was so much traffic despite the concert not starting for quite some time.

Michael was gripping his hand tightly, eyes flickering at the amount of people walking around. He gulped slowly, clinging onto Calum's arm and Calum frowned. He then remembered Michael had social anxiety and mentally face-palmed. He really needed to think things through.

New York was busy enough, but when there's a huge performer singing at Madison Square Garden, it's crazy. Calum bit his lip nervously, whispering soft words in Michael's ear as they crossed the street. He kissed his cheek softly, trying to soothe him and Michael was burying his face in Calum's shoulder, hand gripping his shirt.

He was hyperventilating slightly as they got closer to the stadium and Calum was nervous himself. He didn't want Michael freaking out, not tonight of all nights. He glanced around, deciding to get in the stadium and try to find a bathroom. He rubbed Michael's arm and gave the concerned looking people small smiles to assure that he's fine.

After getting in, the man asking if Michael's okay to which he replied yes, he tried finding a bathroom. He finally found some and he led Michael into the single bathroom despite judgmental looks. He locked the door and saw Michael trying to calm his breathing down.

Calum walked over, lifting his chin and asked quietly,"What happened, sweetheart? You were doing so well."

"J-Just too much," Michael breathed out, frowning as he looked down. "S-So sorry. Didn't like p-people around us."

A sympathetic smile formed on Calum's face. He cupped Michael's face in his hands, saying honestly,"Baby, this is a huge concert. There's going to be so many people. There's going to be pushing and shoving and lots of people screaming. I know this sounds terrible, but I need to warn you."

"W-Want to see her so bad," Michael said sadly, nuzzling into Calum's chest. 

"And, you can. You just need to prepare yourself. So, let's get to the meet and greet before we miss out on seeing your idol, okay?" Calum said brightly, causing Michael to let out a sigh of relief.

With that said, they went out of the bathroom once Michael was done washing his face and getting calmed down. It was a weird process and Calum was confused. He had to ask around to understand where to go, having no idea on how to find the meet and greet area.

But, soon enough they were in a rather long line and waiting to get their picture with her. Michael was nervously holding Calum's hand, who gave his a small squeeze. He could hear her voice and was impatiently looking forward, nearly squealing when seeing her going in the booth with a friend.

Soon enough, they were getting closer and Calum frowned when Michael let go of his hand. But, then he just chuckled since he saw Michael hesitate before eagerly walking over to where the man welcomed them in. Calum gave him an apologetic smile, following after Michael.

Michael's heart pounded, seeing Ariana smile at him and he froze. His eyes staring at her in awe. She was really short, nearly a foot beneath him. But, she was so pretty and he was unsure of what to say or think. It was like he got all tongue-tied. And twisted.

Ariana grinned, saying with a small chuckle,"Hi, I see you have a pair of cat ears. Maybe I should get mine, so we can be matching."

Michael just blinked.

She frowned a little and Calum stepped forward, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and told her,"Sorry, um. He's kind of nervous and doesn't speak often. He's a big fan."

"Aw, that's so sweet. Why don't we take a couple pictures?" She motioned to the photobooth and glanced at Michael. She held up a finger,"One sec, let me get my cat ears."

Michael nodded eagerly, nervously biting his nails as he watched her go to where Frankie stood. Her brother chuckled, going in his bag and handing her the ears. She thanked him before returning to where Michael and Calum were. She led them to the photobooth and closed the curtain.

Ariana asked,"Silly or cute?"

Michael stuttered out, smiling sheepishly,"C-Cute?"

She nearly awed at his shyness and just nodded. They got three pictures, so Michael wanted them good since they have limited time. She wrapped an arm around both of them, Michael nearly dying at the skin contact and all three did cute duck lips, Michael feeling goofy for doing so.

Then, she suggested they did cat claws and Michael was hesitant, but saw the other two do them. So, he just shrugged and did the same. In the last picture, however, Ariana leaned over and kissed Michael's cheek sweetly. The boy was blushing like mad, seeing Calum just rolling his eyes playfully but acting surprised for the picture.

Once they were done, they were practically forced out. But, Michael frowned. He gulped slowly, tapping Ariana's shoulder. He saw Calum looking at him in confusion. But, Ariana turned from where she was going to talk t the other fans. She smiled when glancing up at Michael.

The boy asked quietly,"C-Can I have a hug? Please?"

Ariana bit her lip slightly, glancing at the other fans. She never really was able to hug fans often due to how many she has to meet. But, she nodded and pulled the boy into a quick hug, wrapping her arms around his neck. He embraced her tightly, but then the security had him leave and he waved goodbye to her.

When he was out of the sight of the girl, he leaned against the wall, wrapping his arms around himself with a blank expression. Calum slowly walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder,"Wow, that was brave of you, kitten. You feeling okay?"

Michael shook his head. He grinned hugely, letting out a shril as he tackled Calum into a hug. He pressed his lips to the boy's, slipping his tongue in his mouth and Calum was taken by surprise. It's rare Michael initiates a french kiss, but he just held him by the hips and pulled him close.

The day obviously meant a lot to Michael and he was given the bag for the VIP selection of people along with the pass he already had and the pictures. He stared at them the whole way to the stage area and they went to the merchandise, Michael's smile never leaving his face.

When they got there, Michael got a 'Bang Bang' shirt with the number 93 on it and the name 'Grande' on the back as a large since they were pretty small. He then got a 'You're The Best Mistake I've Ever Made' pull over that was grey and very soft. Lastly, Calum insisted he got one more thing despite it all already being over a hundred dollars. So, he got a beanie that said 'Break Free' on it.

Afterwards, they heard the announcement that Rixton was almost over and started rushing to the seats. When they got there, the lights were dimming and Calum grabbed Michael's hand. They went to their seats, squeezing through the people and muttering apologies.

They sat down and Michael tugged his sweater on and beamed as he kissed Calum. The boy chuckled and just kissed him back. He texted his mum that they were good and sent a quick selfie with Michael. But, then there was suddenly a darkness and a video of Ariana playing.

And there was a countdown.

As the numbers started going down, Michael gripped Calum's hand and the two stood up with the rest of the people. Michael already knew Bang Bang was first and he prepared himself for the amazing song. Only for the number one to show and then finally, Ariana rose from the ground.

Guys started popping from the ground and they got the crowd riled up and never has Calum ever heard Michael so happy. He was cheering along with the audience, actually singing along to every song. Not just one or two. But, to all the songs played and he was even dancing a little and tugging on Calum to do the same.

It was the best night for Calum as well. Despite him not being a huge Ariana fan and only knowing her main songs, he had fun. He got to dance with Michael, seeing his boyfriend smile largely and having a blast. He met a celebrity and well, it was really fun to dance like a fool with his boyfriend.

The concert sadly began ending and during Tattooed Heart, Calum wrapped his arms around Michael from behind and swayed to the soft beat. Michael leaned back into him and they shared a small kiss. He was sweating slightly with a sweater on and another other. But, Calum just kept kissing him and whispering the lyrics because he knows it's one of Michael's favorites, so he memorized it. Just like 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight'.

The sad part of a concert is they all must end.

There's always that sad and lonely feeling you get once they're over. Seeing the stadium empty, the stage clear and just a regular old stage. So, when Ariana finished off the concert, Michael was frowning and walking with Calum back to the hotel, holding his bag of souvenirs in the extra hand.

New York was slightly empty aside from cars, so he was calmed down and Calum led Michael upstairs. He nudged Michael as they entered the elevator, telling him with a grin,"She's not so bad after all."

"P-Perfect," Michael corrected, smile growing on his lips. "G-Got to hug her. Thank you."

The elevator began moving and Calum looked at his boyfriend curiously. He said with a fond expression,"Anything for you, babe. I love you."

Instead of replying, Michael just leaned up slightly and kissed Calum. The boy lightly gripped Michael's neck and deepened it as he tilted his head to the side. He pressed Michael to the wall of the elevator, tongue gliding across Michael's mouth and humming into the kiss when Michael began playing with the small hairs on the neck of his neck.

There was a beep and the two pulled apart as the elevator doors opened. Calum took Michael's hand and dragged him down the hall to their room. He pushed Michael against the door, kissing him more hungrily, more sloppy and quick as he struggled to grab his key from his pocket.

He finally found it and unlocked the door. He pushed Michael inside gently, kicking the door shut and tossed his bag to the side along with kicking off his shoes. He took Michael by surprise as he lifted him bridal style and playfully tossed him on the bed, causing the boy to laugh and roll around a bit with a smile.

Calum crawled on the bed and over Michael, straddling his hips. He captured the boys lips in his own, hands pressing into Michael's sides and the boy squealed, Small giggles leaving his mouth and Calum silenced the laughs with kisses, beaming each time Michael stuttered out 'stop's and 'no's.

He soon did, just breathing heavily and glanced down at Michael's pants, going to unbutton them but Michael panicked. He shook his head quickly, eyes filling with tears,"N-No, can't."

"Why not, baby? Are you not ready?" Calum asked in concern, moving his hands from Michael's pants and cupping his face. "It's okay if you're not, I won't pressure you."

Despite Michael not being a virgin, it doesn't mean he will always be ready for sex. Calum didn't want to pressure him, no matter how badly he just wanted to take Michael then and there. He learned a few things and was prepared whenever Michael was ready.

But, the boy just nervously licked his lips and a tear fell as he mumbled out,"No, I-I'm ready. Just...don't want y-you to see me. Naked. C-Cause, so ugly and y-you'll leave me."

His words caused Calum's heart to drop. He shook his head and pressed a soft kiss to Michael's lips. He told the boy with a caring voice,"I would never dump you over something so little as your appearance. I've seen you naked, Mikey. I sucked you off, for christ sake. I make you take off your shirt to weigh you."

"B-But, I'd be...you know," Michael retorted awkwardly, blushing when Calum tugged off his own shirt and revealed his toned chest. He lifted his hands, running them over the boy's abs. "Y-You're so pretty. Want to be like you and— and Ashton and Lukey."

Calum took Michael's hands in his, lightly pressing them above his head. "Don't. Because, why be like everyone else when you can be like yourself?" Michael frowned and Calum asked again,"Are you ready? Because, we can stop and go to bed if you want."

At first, Michael just looked at his boyfriend with watery eyes. He didn't feel pressured or obligated to do anything and that made him happy. However, he was scared. He was so fat and Calum would see him naked and bare. He'll hear his weird whimpers and Michael would be quiet and it would be so uncomfortable.

But, he wanted to.

So, he nodded and before Calum could make sure, Michael gripped his face and kissed him deeply. That was it. That's all he needed before Calum was tugging off the first layer of sweaters. Until he was on the next and Michael was hesitant, gripping his hands for a moment. Not wanting Calum to see his body.

Calum waited patiently, letting Michael stop him. Once he was ready, Michael shakily moved his hands and Calum lifted the sweater from his head and tossing it with the others. Both were shirtless and Calum wasn't sure if he felt happy or sad when seeing Michael's torso.

It wasn't as small as before, but it was still a bit too skinny. He bit his lip, holding back a choked sound at how skinny Michael was. He just put on his proud smile, though. Because, Michael gained some weight and so Calum pressed small kisses down his chest to his belly button, hearing Michael's soft breathing from above.

Calum sat up, tugging off his own pants and boxers. He went over to the bag to grab the lube and condom. When he returned, he was surprised to see Michael in boxers and didn't notice he had his kitten ears on still. The image so cute since Michael had his legs tucked under and hands clasped in his lap.

Shaking the thoughts away that were running through his mind, Calum just got back on bed, tossing the items on the side and kissed Michael again and again and again. His hands trailing down Michael's bare back. His fingers brushing against his spine and stopping at his um, laying him down.

He asked Michael breathlessly,"Do you want to wait or should we just —"

"J-Just want you," Michael said weakly, sniffling as he tried calming down. He didn't like being exposed,having his body showing for Calum to see.

Seeing this, Calum nodded with a sad smile. He then had an idea and began leaving feathery kisses down Michael's body. He told him with each kiss a compliment. He spoke softly, air hot against Michael's skin as he spoke. The words making Michael's eyes water even more and looking up at the ceiling.

"Beautiful arms."

"Gorgeous torso."

"Sinfully full lips."

"Perfect thighs."

And more and more as he kissed each part of his body. Michael was nearly sobbing quietly, covering his face with his hands and Calum felt his body trembling. He frowned, scooting up but when he moved the hands from Michael's face, the red-haired boy just embraced him tightly.

Calum smiled and he tangled his fingers in Michael's hair. He didn't know if that helped at all, but he was being honest and that's all that mattered. After the two whispered soft 'I love you's, Calum scooted down to snatch up the lube and condom. He slicked up his fingers, tugging down Michael's boxers and the boy kicked them off so they were on the floor.

Calum hesitated, but pressed his finger in slowly. Ever so slowly. He waited for Michael to unclench his fist from the blanket. The boy was tense and Calum rubbed his rather small thighs. He kissed his stomach and waited for him to be ready before adding a second finger.

He was unsure of how long to wait inbetween each finger. He just kept making sure Michael was okay. Asking so many time that Michael even looked a little annoyed, which is very rare when it comes to the now red-haired boy. He then moved the two fingers in and out, trying to stretch him a bit.

Finally, he added one more and remembered how he was suppose to curl them around and try to find a certain spot that would drive Michael insane. The thought was very wonderful and so he twisted his fingers, seeing Michael wince and froze. But, then curled them once more and suddenly Michael's breath hitched.

Calum grinned, asking as he brushed against the small nub a few times,"Feel good, kitten?"

"Y-Yes," Michael squeaked out, unable to find the words to say more and hurry up. He was silent, trying to get Calum to move on and the pleasure was overwhelming. He finally whined out,"F-Fuck me, C-Calum!"

The vulgary caught Calum off guard. This made him frantically grab the condom after removing his fingers. He wiped them on the bed before covering himself and sicking up with lube. He wasn't sure how to position himself, but then just spread the boy's legs a bit more, Michael subconsciously wrapping them around his waist and locking his ankles.

Calum slowly slipped in his entrance, inch by inch. He stopped half-way, seeing Michael's tear-filled eyes and sweat glistening his tiny body. He leaned down, kissing his nose and mumbling comforting words as Michael clenched his eyes shut at the tearing pain.

However, he soon let out a breath and smiled weakly. He nodded for Calum to go, hands gripping his back and Calum soon was all the way in. He let Michael get use to that as well, brushing his hair from his forehead and was fondly watching as Michael was trying to call down his pleasuring feeling.

Michael's mouth parted in a silent gasp, body stilling as Calum slowly rocked into him, grinding their hips together. And Calum had sex before, quite a few times, but he was positive it had never been so intense, so mind-numbingly wonderful, and he felt so loved.

Michael slipped his hand from Calum's back to his hand, only a little surprised when Calum laced their fingers together, pressing his hand back against the bed as he started to thrust into him a little harder, a little faster. Michael was whimpering quietly, moans held back and he felt so full and so intense with the way Calum kept whispering soft words in his ear.

Calum heard Michael sigh his name and he leaned down, brushing their lips together in a bruising kiss, hips snapping forward. He cursed as he felt Michael pulse around him and he felt completely and utterly overwhelmed, losing himself in the sensation. He reached for Michael's hip, brushing his thumb against the pale skin and tried not to go too hard, wanting it loving and romantic. Not some stupid one-night stand.

Michael threw his head back, eyes clenching shut and panting Calum's name repeatedly and so quietly Calum almost couldn't hear. He licked his lips, surprised to see sweat slowly dipping down but it was slightly red from the dye. He nearly came at the sight, nipping lightly at Michael's neck.

"Calum—Calum, p-please,"Michael keened as Calum pulled his hips forward a bit more, changing the angle, the head of his hard-on nudging against Michael's the familiar spot he once reached. with each thrust. Michael surprisingly rocked his hips, grinding down against him, fingers tightening around Calum's.

The room was full of the smell of sweat, their breathing heavy and Calum was so in love. He watched as Michael tensed a bit, hands reaching on Calum's back and nails digging in. He noticed how Michael still had his kitten ears on without either seeing and he just found him so beautiful.

Calum slowed his thrusts down, making them deeper and he heard Michael let out a soft whimper as he bit his bottom lip that was kissed red. He leaned down on his forearms, pressing the boy deeply and he mumbled as he lightly bit his bottom lip,"So beautiful, love you so much, kitten."

His words had Michael coming. He felt Michael reach his high more than anything else, felt the younger boy clench around him, a cry of Calum's name leaving his lips as he came. Soft, yet louder than usual. And Calum's hips snapped forward, a moan escaping him as he came, his heart hammering in his chest.

Michael let out a string of whines as he reached out for Calum, the taller boy running a hand over his hair, pushing his fringe away from his face. He smiled softly, a little laugh leaving him, and he just felt amazing. Both just looked at each other as their chest heaved.

Calum pulled out slowly, not missing the slight hiss of pain that Michael tried to hide, took the condom, tossing it in the trash carelessly. He collapsed against Michael's side, sliding his fingers into his hair and pulling him into a messy, open-mouthed kiss, tongues sliding together as Michael curled against him. 

"You're so beautiful," he whispered against Michael's lips.

Michael giggled, slipping a leg between Calum's, trying to get closer, trying to crawl into his skin the way Calum had crawled into his heart. He didn't say anything for a second. He just held Calum, the taller boy doing the same as he felt their hearts beating against each others.

However, Calum then felt drips of water on his chest. He frowned and saw Michael's cheeks damp with tears and eyes red. Before he could say anything, Michael just clung to him. He kissed Calum repeatedly, crawling over him and basically koala hugging the boy.

Despite them both being naked, Calum embraced him back and Michael was sniffling inbetween each kisses. He whispered 'love you' so many times Calum lost count. And, Calum smiled into each kiss. They didn't say much and they lazily kissed for the rest of the night, both smiling and giggling until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Both in love and Michael feeling loved.


	43. Chapter 43

Michael was the first one up and he was glad. Because, he felt gross and disgusted. Mainly since they didn't shower the night before and so there was sweaty all over his body and he smelled like sweat and Calum was sweaty, but he was hot and Michael wasn't.

Because of this, Michael frowned and he grimaced when looking down at his body. He had his back to Calum's chest and their skin was touching. It was sticky and he didn't like it. Michael frowned, scooting away a bit. He would love to be this close to Calum if he was also hot and able to look good with abs and biceps. Sadly, he just had flab and pale skin.

Michael turned in Calum's arms, smiling sheepishly as he saw Calum passed out with his mouth open slightly and snoring quietly. He giggled a bit, hesitating before looking at his body. The blanket was fallen a bit, stopping at the hips so he was able to see Calum's nice v-line and toned chest. 

At first, he just stared. It was kind of creepy, but Michael just felt so happy. He felt loved and couldn't believe he and Calum actually had sex. The word sex didn't even fit well, it wasn't loud and fast. It was soft and loving and he smiled every time he thought back to the night before.

Not even meeting Ariana Grande felt as amazing as what he and Calum did. He let out a small sigh, lightly brushing his fingers over Calum's arm and beamed at the way goosebumps appeared on his skin. He knew it was probably just the touch in general that did that, but part of him felt it was more and the fact that he did it himself.

Michael turned, grabbing Calum's phone from the bed and looked at the time. It was nearly the afternoon and he figured he should get up before Calum does. He felt uncomfortable being naked. Last night, the lights were off and Calum did see him naked, but only cause the small lamp was on and Michael just felt scared for him to be naked and have Calum see him again.

So, he awkwardly moved from under Calum's arm and crawled under the blankets, off of the bed. He stumbled a bit, glancing to make sure Calum was still asleep. He then winced, sitting down when pain shot up his lower back from his bum. A grimace formed on his lips and he almost forgot about the after effects of sex.

He frowned, shaking his head and forced himself to stand. He grabbed his boxers and tugged them. He decided not to put on jeans, seeing as the room was hot and he just grabbed his black sweater. Michael pulled it over his head, crawling back on the bed and cuddled close to Calum.

Michael hummed softly the tune of 'Daydreamin'' by Ariana. He let his fingers lightly brush against Calum's cheek, smiling when the boy scrunched his nose slightly. He felt Calum wrap his leg around his own, pulling Michael closer and grumble in his sleep. His eyes fluttering lightly and soon relaxed again.

Michael was so in love.

He's never felt this connected to a person. Not with Luke or his parents, he just felt so in love. It was scaring him. Should he rely on a person? He relies on Calum way too much. For his happiness and love and health. Hopefully that's not bad, because if it is, then Michael is completely screwed.

He tugged on his sleeves, nervously biting his lip as he felt his stomach growl. He didn't like that. Lately he's felt hungry and he didn't want to. He's never felt hungry since he stopped eating, but since gaining those horrendous seven pounds made him crave food more and more.

Suddenly, there was kiss place on his lips and Michael squeaked. He blushed as Calum blinked at him sleepily with a lazy grin on his face. Calum mumbled groggily,"Mornin', beautiful."

Michael just kissed him again, wrapping his arms around Calum and hugged him tightly. A frown formed on Calum's lips as he felt the softness of Michael's over worn sweater. He furrowed his eyebrows and pulled back, seeing Michael was dressed and wearing boxers. 

The stare made Michael sheepishly curl in on himself more. He looked up at Calum, who was sitting up and he gave him this innocent look. Cause, he knew what Calum would say. Of course, the cute expression didn't distract the boy.

"Mmm, why did you put on your clothes?" Calum pouted, scooting closer and slipping his hand under Michael's sweater. He lightly traced patterns on the boy's back and felt him shiver at the touch.

Michael shrugged.

Calum raised an eyebrow and perched up on an elbow. He shook his head,"We need to be honest, babe. Remember? No more lying."

"Um, w-was grossed out from m-my body," Michael said quickly, frowning as he avoided Calum's eyes. "D-Didn't like being...naked. Cause, m-my body is so fat."

A breath left Calum's lips as he watched Michael tug at his sleeves shyly. He didn't know what to do anymore. He keeps trying to remind Michael that he isn't fat. But, it's impossible for him to change the boy's mind. It's not that Calum is annoyed of complimenting him, he loves saying how beautiful Michael is, but he's just sad he can never make Michael see it.

Calum moved over and grabbed his boxers, putting them on before straddling the boy's hips. He just grabbed Michael's arms, pinning them above his head. Michael's eyes widened, face flushed red and Calum leaned down.He kissed the boy deeply, grimacing at the morning breath taste, but ignored it. He just kept kissing him and kissing him until they were both breathless.

He pulled away, panting softly and saw Michael's surprised expression. Calum entwined their fingers from where he pinned his hands. For a second, Calum just pressed their lips and forehead together again, pecking his lips repeatedly.

But, then he sniffled quietly, telling Michael with the most love he could,"Kitten, please. Don't...stop hating yourself. I don't know what to do anymore. I—I never know what to say. I love you! I love your body, but I would love it more if it wasn't as skinny as it is now. Because, it's not healthy. Did you like what we did last night?"

Michael nodded sheepishly. 

"I did, too. Cause, I love seeing you like that. I love how you didn't care for a little bit. You got insecure for a minute, but then it was like your weight didn't matter. It should never matter until it's dangerous and your weight is dangerous right now," Calum took a shaky breath, licking his lips. "It's not dangerous because you're fat, it's dangerous because you're practically skin and bones."

He knew at the moment he was exaggerating, but he also wasn't. Michael may have gained a few pounds, but Calum could still see the smallness of his arms and the thigh gap he has. Michael's body wasn't made for a thigh gap and this just proved how underweight he was. 

Michael pouted a bit, not in a whiny way, but a generally upset one. He placed his sleeve-covered hands over his face,"I—I hate it. W-Want to be a hundred. Hundred is good. H-Hundreds on test. Hundreds on body. Pounds, t-though. J-Just feel good with a hundred. A-Am suppose to feel good? So, w-why is it bad?"

"Baby, I know you should always feel good about yourself. But, that goal isn't healthy for you. Didn't Ashton show you? I'm a hundred and sixty something pounds. Am I ugly?" Calum scooted back, raising an eyebrow as Michael shyly moved his hands from his eyes and blushed at Calum's body.

He shook his head frantically,"N-No, you're perfect. So handsome and beautiful. I love you."

"I love you, too," Calum said quietly, slowly lifting Michael's sweater and brushing his fingers over the small body. "And, because I love you so much, I...I think you need to go."

Michael's heart dropped, attention caught a hundred percent. He felt his bottom lip tremble as he said hoarsely,"No. No. No. No. No." He repeated the word so many times, heart pounding in his chest as he sat up and gave his boyfriend a pleading look. "No, C-Calum don't ! W-Wanna stay, please. I-I'll try!"

"It's been a month," Calum told him softly, placing a hand on Michael's cheek lightly and put on a strong front for the boy. He didn't want him to leave, but his health was more important than anything. "You needed to gain ten pounds. You didn't. It's not okay and I won't lie to you and tell you it is."

"I-I'm trying!" Michael exclaimed, smacking Calum's hand away. "No! D-Don't touch me."

His harsh tone had Calum frown and he swallowed a lump in his throat as Michael weakly pushed him off his lap. The boy got off the bed and Calum followed him quickly, grabbing his arm. The boy struggled out of the grip and Calum held him still, seeing hot tears run down his face.

He told him sternly, taking his role as a friend and not a boyfriend at the moment,"Michael, this is what you need, okay? I know you don't want it, but it has to happen. If you love me, you'll get yourself help and...you'll get better. As of now, you're no where near getting better. Just gaining weight isn't enough. You need to want to gain weight."

There was a small silence and Calum watched as Michael stared at him with the most betrayed expression ever. Telling him now, after everything they did and all the fun they had wasn't the best idea. But, that's what Calum felt was right. Because, Michael had fun and he was happy, but at the end of the day, he still cried and in the morning, he still tried hiding his body.

Michael roughly snatched his arm from Calum, saying with a glare on his face,"Y-You can't make me go! N-Not going, I'm not! I-I'm okay!"

Before Calum could argue, Michael was shoving passed him and grabbed his clothes. The boy watched him sadly, seeing Michael stumble in the bathroom and he went after him. But, the door was slammed and he winced at the loud sound.

He heard the boy turn on the shower and shook his head because he knew Michael was going to try to throw up his food. Something he did when he was upset therefor becoming insecure and well, the fear of being fat was his insecurity.

Calum jiggled the doorknob, letting out a groan and rushed to the drawers of the side table. He rummaged around, panicking and went to the dresser. He grabbed a paperclip that had their tickets in and unbent it, then stuck it in the small hole of the doorknob where it unlocks.

After wiggling it a bit, there was a click and he shook his head slowly when seeing Michael curled up against the wall, the toilet still having the echo sound of a flush and he knew Michael threw up. He smelled the mint toothpaste, meaning Michael brushed his teeth from a habit and Calum knew he made the right choice by making Michael go to the impatient care.

He frowned and slowly sat next to Michael, who was hiccuping and gasping and shaking and just not okay. Calum wrapped an arm around the boy, who tried scooting away. Michael shoved him and kept mumbling 'go away' and 'hate you' over and over again. The word stung like hell, but Calum knew he didn't mean it.

Because, soon enough, Michael was clinging to him and sobbing in his chest. He kept apologizing and now was repeatedly saying 'love you' and 'don't leave me'. And, it was like they went back in time. Michael was wrapping his legs around Calum's waist and gripping onto him like Calum was his life line and his tears dripped on Calum's hot skin.

Calum's heart broke as he embraced his boyfriend. He regrets telling Michael now instead of later. But, he had to. This would have happened anyways. Michael would have found out eventually. Nothing was going to stop him from telling his boyfriend. The only thing he could do now is hold him and tell him how much he loves him.

And, the couple stayed there on the hotel bathroom floor and Michael wasn't happy anymore. He was sick and he needed to get better. Happiness was temporary and free, but being sick can be permanent and cost a person's life.

-

Back in Sydney, Luke was waiting for the boys to get back. He was bored to tears and wishing to talk to Ashton, but sadly, the boy was having a test done or something. He didn't really care, all he wanted to do was be with is boyfriend and have nice cuddles with said boyfriend.

Luke loves cuddling.

Sadly, you can't cuddle alone. Well, unless you get a pillow or teddy bear. Luke has a teddy bear. It was one Ashton got him when they went to the mall together before he left. But, it was small and not Ashton's height, so it wasn't the same. he wanted to spoon the boy and kiss the back of his neck and hear his cute giggles that don't sound as amazing over a laptop as they do in person.

School was starting again tomorrow and he was so lost in life. He didn't even want to go to school. He had school today, but he skipped and just didn't go. He walked around town, considering his only friends were gone and in New York or Melbourne, abandoning him as if he's nothing without Ashton.

Luke let out a breath of annoyance, leaning against the brick wall of the school. He saw people rushing out of the double doors with their friends. He saw couples kissing and holding hands. He missed Ashton's hands. They fit so perfectly with his. Because, Luke is taller and broade and the big spoon, but Ashton's hands are bigger and it gave him something to be more manly about. Even if he only uses them to tickle Luke when they have tickle fights.

A sad smile formed on Luke's face as he thought back to how ticklish Ashton is. He just needed to get through a couple months and then he'll see his boyfriend. He let out a small huff, tugging his jacket around his body more and waited impatiently for a certain someone.

After a couple minutes, he went to leave and give up. But, then his eyes darted to where Mitch was walking out of the school. The boy had on all black like usual, hair ruffled and bag on his back. He was texting someone and Luke went over towards him.

He knew it wasn't right and he knew it was the worse choice, but he had to do it. Not cheating, definitely not, but he needed a type of release that he couldn't get. Not with his boyfriend miles away and friends so far. He needed something to get him relaxed and he had to break his promise. 

Luke tapped on Mitch's shoulder, the boy turning and smiling at him. It was nice to see someone actually paying attention to him for once. He beamed and hesitated before taking Mitch's hand in his. He knew it was wrong, but he just had to get a way to get what he wanted.

Mitch's face flushed red, seeing their hands held and he raised an eyebrow,"Um, hey?"

"Listen," Luke started, walking him and Mitch to his car. "You like me right? And,you like seeing me not stressed?" Mitch nodded slowly."Alright, well I need your help. I don't have anyone else to go to and I shouldn't be doing this, but I know you'll help me because you understand."

There was hesitation in Mitch's eyes as he spoke,"Alright, what is it?"

"I need some cigarettes and I'm still seventeen, so I can't buy any. I have the money and everything, but I can't buy them. Would you mind getting them for me? I'll give you some, too," Luke assured, voice pleading as he looked at Mitch with a desperate expression.

Mitch frowned and looked at Luke in concern. He asked with a suspicious expression,"Doesn't your boyfriend not like you smoking? I know it's addicting, but you probably shouldn't do it. I know I lead you to smoking, but...you have such a pretty smile and shouldn't turn your teeth yellow from smoking."

"Please, Mitch. I—I just need something to relax me, I know it's bad for me. But, I don't care," Luke pleaded and heart sank when Mitch shook his head. 

He panicked, pulling him back and pushed him against the car. He knew he shouldn't, but desperate times call for desperate measures. He licked his lips, glancing at Mitch's surprised expression and lightly kissed down the boy's neck, sucking lightly at the spot behind his ear. Mitch gasped quietly, hands lightly gripping Luke's hair as the boy nipped at the spot.

Honestly, he isn't sure if this is cheating. He's not meaning for it to be sexual or something he likes. It's just to get him what he wants. And,Luke gulped slowly as he raised his head, looking at Mitch with a pleading and puppy face,"Please? It would make me really, really, happy..."

And, well, it worked.

It was the crush Mitch had on Luke that drove him to get Luke cigarettes. Taking advantage of someone was something Luke never wanted to do. He hated himself so much for using Mitch's feelings against him. He hated himself for going against the deal he and Ashton made.

But, what he hated most is that the boys don't seem to care about him. Ashton does a lot. He calls and texts Luke constantly. But, Michael and Calum barely even said goodbye when they left. They didn't think twice about leaving Luke on his own.

They didn't understand that Ashton leaving was bad enough. But, to have his best friends run off, see a concert in Madison Square Garden, and have sex while he's alone just hurt. He doesn't really care that they left. He cared that they left without even making sure he was okay.

Because, Luke isn't okay. He's sad and lonely and misses his boyfriend. He kept getting nightmares of his parents and he slept in Calum's bed. He even missed Calum a lot. He would sleep in his bed because he misses Calum and he would watch TV since he didn't know what else to do considering he couldn't sleep.

All-in-All, Luke was now sitting up on the nightstand with the window open and smoking a cigarette. He let out a puff of smoke, exhaling deeply and took another drag. The cigarette relaxing him after a few puffs and he leaned his head on the wall with a blank expression on his face.

For some reason, he wasn't happy. Usually smoking a cigarette made his problems disappear. But, he didn't feel much. So, he figured it meant he needed another one. Which is why after finishing the first, he lit a second. And then a third. And somehow he ended up smoking five cigarettes.

Luke coughed, wincing at the pain in his throat and nearly gasped when hearing a door slam downstairs. He frantically started coughing, shoving the cigarettes in his sock drawer and sprayed some of Calum's cologne everywhere. He looked around, snatching up a piece of gum and was relieved as Calum walked in with Michael in tow.

Luke was laid on the bed, asking casually,"Hey, how was the concert?"

"F-Fun," Michael said with a forced smile.

A confused look was on Luke's face. He expected a lot more than that, especially since he saw Michael limping and knew they had sex. The thought was gross to imagine, but at least it wasn't in his bed. Unlike when he did it in Calum's. The memory still makes him lap.

Calum sat on his bed, pulling Michael on his lap and kissed the back of his head. He yawned quietly, nuzzling his nose in Michael's hair. He turned to Luke, who mouthed sadly 'what happened?'. Calum just weakly shrugged, motioning with his hand that he would tell him later.

At first, Luke narrowed his eyes. Michael is his friend and he had every right to know why he as upset. Especially if Calum knew. However, he just reluctantly looked at the TV as Michael put on the Lion King. He's watched it way too many times, but sat back and smiled as it started.

Throughout the movie, he chuckled as Michael sang along to the songs quietly and they all got up during Hakuta Matata and Calum made Michael dance. Typically, Michael would dance along to the song anyways and sing it with a grin on his face.

Only, he wasn't grinning. He was smiling a very small and not Michael like smile. One that made Luke frown and want to smack him. It's not like Michael was always a happy person. Recent events showed that wasn't true.

But, when watching his favorite movie, Michael is always happy. That's why Luke kept trying to get Calum to tell him what's wrong. Much to his dismay, Calum kept giving him a 'I'll tell you later' look and Luke hoped he would tell him soon.

And when he did, Luke wasn't very pleased.

Because, now another person in his life is leaving. Michael was going away in two weeks and he just had Ashton leave him a couple weeks ago. Now someone else is going to be gone and yeah, Luke has Calum, but that's not enough for him. He needs more, but apparently his cigarettes are the only reliable things he has.

Meanwhile, Ashton was in Melbourne and taking notes as quick as he could. The professor wasn't at all caring whenever Ashton got lost and the boy had to stop in the middle of a sentence just to get the new notes put up and he was so stressed with all the power points.

He was a very precise person. He liked to have neat notes with color coding and labeling and have them all correct. So, he wrote kind of slow. It didn't help him, though, because his professors were all rude and mean and they didn't stop for him when he asked to slow down.

He even said please.

Much to his dismay, please only works in school. Ashton was overwhelmed and he kept tapping his pencil repeatedly, tugging at his fringe and could barely get any sleep. He's only seventeen, but he should be okay with this.He should be able to handle it all.

However, it's all too much. After his last class for the night, Ashton was in his dorm and he was trying to get all his work done. He had so much shit to do. He had papers and tests and quizzes and projects and books to read and assignments to turn it. Even though it's only two weeks in, he had all this shit to do and he hated it.

University wasn't what he expected. He knew it was a lot of work, but considering how much shit his mum made him do, he thought he could do it. He kept organizing all his notes, but it wasn't working. He was nearly sweating of stress and his mind was going so fast lately.

Ashton paced slightly, his planner in his hand with a small calender in it. He was trying to put down all his due dates for everything. But, three were on the same day and he had to Skype Luke tomorrow, but he also needed to turn in this assignment the day after and Skype usually last a few hours, but he needed to finish the assignment he hasn't even started yet.

Ashton shook his head slowly, repeatedly trying to calm down and it just hurt. His head was aching, his heart was racing and it was like a calender kept flipping in front of his eyes, constantly reminding him of everything he needed to do and all the classes he had to take.

This caused him to angrily throw his book at his shelf, letting out a sound of frustration and he's just so stupid. He should have known he wasn't good enough. He was just too dumb and childish for university. He wasn't good enough. He was proven wrong and he was a terrible boyfriend and terrible friend and terrible stupid and son.

He slowly sat down on the floor, trying to catch his breath and calm down. But, he couldn't stop thinking about everything. How he probably bombed that test he took since he didn't get to finish, how he's avoided some assignments to finish others, that he keeps canceling skype calls with Luke, how his parents haven't even called him and how he hasn't even talked to Calum or Michael in a week.

Ashton's breath was repeatedly hitching, his chest hurting and he closed his eyes. He tried so badly to relax. He hated these panic attacks, but he forgot to take his medication and Luke forgot to remind him and his parents probably forgot to get another bottle of pills for him and fuck — why did he even go to university? He's not ready.

There was a strong urge, his wrist itching to have metal on it. Ashton hasn't cut since leaving and he kept drawing butterflies. But, as of now, he was so desperate to just break his promise and find a razor. He knew it would be a mistake, but he needed to calm down and hurting himself somehow does that.

Before he could think it through anymore, his door was opening and Ashton looked up to see his roommate walk in. He was so embarrassed as the guy looked at him with a frown. He could hear him asking if he's okay, but Ashton just shook his head and felt like the room was a volcano, it was so hot and he couldn't breath.

His roommate, Nate, saw this and he rushed to the window. He opened it up, letting the cool night air fill the room. He hesitated, sitting next to Ashton and tried calming him down. The guy was unsure of what to do and Ashton felt like a little kid, seeing as Nate was twenty and much more of an adult despite being immature at times.

Nate frowned and he hesitated before lightly rubbing Ashton's back, trying to get his breathing properly. It took a while and Ashton kept trying to speak, but Nate just hushed him. He soon stroked Ashton's hair lightly. The touch was strange, Ashton only use to Luke doing it, but it helped.

He soon calmed down and Nate asked,"What happened?"

"I had a panic att-"

"No, I mean, what caused it?" The older boy asked, getting up and grabbing a shirt from Ashton's drawer so he could change since he's pretty sweaty and that's not comfortable.

Ashton took the shirt, hesitating and took off his other one. He quickly tried changing before Nate could see the scars, but he saw them anyways. Luckily, he didn't ask about them. He didn't ask about the multiple butterfly drawings on his wrist and sides either.

They both sat down and Ashton took a breath, still overwhelmed. He nervously rubbed his hands on his jeans and answered,"I—I just think I made the wrong decision. I'm so young and I—I miss my boyfriend and my friends. I don't feel right here. No one likes me and I feel really alone...I'm not ready. I — I wanna go home."

"Everyone hates Uni at first, well most people do." Nate saw Ashton shrug and he sighed. "Listen, I remember you said you hated school and you were bullied. Are you bullied here?" Ashton shook his head. "Are your parents forcing you to overwork yourself?"

Ashton shook his head and retorted,"But, there's so much work anyways."

"But, this is where you limit yourself. It's where you work yourself how fast or slow you need to go." There was a pause. Nate got up and went to his bed, getting under the covers. "Just, you need to understand, everything is hard at first. You need to find common ground after a while."

His words had Ashton nod and he slowly made his way under the covers. They both still face each other and Ashton snuggled into his pillow, saying quietly,"Sometimes, I just wish I could have just been more myself when I was back in school and stuff."

"What do you mean?" Nate's voice was curious and there was a hint of sleep in it, meaning he was slowly drifting off and Ashton saw him close his eyes in the dark room, the light of the TV on mute showing his features."

"I don't know," Ashton admitted, biting on his bottom lip and yawned quietly."I wish I could've been — you know, I wish I wasn't scared of doing things, and it was hard. Like, having my parents constantly on my back about things and having my boyfriend cheat on me and...being alone most of my life. Now, it feels like I'm back to square one; trying to get through it on my own."

"But, you're not on your own. You said it yourself, you have a boyfriend and two friends. Don't say you're alone just because they're not with you right now. They're only a phone call away." With that said, Nate mumbled a small 'night' and soon the room filled with silence.

Ashton watched him for a moment, the room small and only a small space between the beds where a two night stands were and a window. He took in the words his roommate spoke, slowly looking up at the ceiling and let his teeth graze across his bottom lip.

Maybe he had a point. The guy was older and been through more than he did. The point of him being in a room with an older student was for Nate to give him advice and help him out. Now, after a few weeks of being in the same room, it finally happened and it really helped.

Ashton thought it over and decided on making a new plan. Instead of pushing all the assignments into their own days and working on one at a time, he'll spread them out and do a little for each every day. That way, he's not bored and stressed over one and can give himself small breaks in between each.

He smiled a bit, seeing it was only ten at night. Would Luke be up at this time? The blonde had a happy of going to bed later, around eleven or midnight, after being with Calum for so long. So, hopefully he was up. Or else he would regret waking him up when he's sleeping.

Either way, Ashton just reached over on the nightstand and grabbed his phone. He hasn't spoken to Luke in a couple days aside from texting. But, texting wasn't the same as having a real conversation. He liked hearing Luke's voice and having a nonstop discussion with small pauses.

So, he went to Luke's contact I.D and smiled at the picture of him and the boy that Calum took during lunch. He really missed them. But, he just clicked call and snuggled into his blanket, hearing the phone ringing and hoped he wouldn't wake up his roommate.

Soon, there was a groggy voice asking quietly,"Ash? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Ashton breathed out in a whisper. "Sorry, were you sleeping? I...I just missed you and wanted to see how you were. But, if you're tired, I can call you tomorrow."

However, Luke assured,"No, it's fine. I missed you too. But, listen...I — I did something wrong."

Ashton's heart dropped slightly, smile turning to a frown. "What? Luke...you—you didn't cheat again? Did you?" There was a silence and Ashton sat up, chewing on his nail nervously."Oh god, please tell me you didn't. Luke..."

"It matters how you look at it," He replied weakly, hearing Ashton's silence. "I...I was sad and um, stressed. So, I—I kind of asked Mitch to get me cigarettes. He kept saying no and he still has a crush on me. So, I just — "

"No, no, no," Ashton mumbled out, hoping he wasn't jumping to conclusions.

Luke continued , trying to explain,"I didn't kiss him, I promise. I just kissed his neck? And like, I gave him a love-bite. But, I promise, it was nothing more than that! I regretted it instantly, I swear. I won't do it again. I just wanted to smoke so badly and I was dumb and I smoked five back-to-back and I feel sick."

"Just his neck?" Ashton asked with a frown, slowly laying back down. His heart broke slightly, hoping it as nothing more. He wiped his eyes and sniffled quietly. "Lukey, why would you do that? It wasn't fair to him or me. Or yourself. You shouldn't be smoking at all in the first place."

A small sigh of relief was heard on the other line, Luke happy Ashton wasn't mad. He told him with guilt,"I don't know. I was desperate. And, I was only going to smoke more. But, I kept thinking about how mad you would be if you found out. But, then I remember how we needed to be honest."

"I'm happy you were honest with me," Ashton admitted, weakly burying his face in his pillow before he replied. "That doesn't make it okay, though. You still kissed another guy. Even if it was on the neck, that's so intimate."

Luke agreed,"I know, I know. Trust me, I won't kiss anyone else ever again."

"That's what you said before. And, this time you weren't high," He argued with a small crack in his whispered voice. "I—I just had a freaking panic attack and now that I'm calm, you tell me you kissed another guy? I—I hate everything right now."

There was a silence. Then, Luke asked quietly,"You had a panic attack? I'm so sorry, bug. I didn't know. Well, of course I didn't. But, are you okay? What happened? I'm not trying to change the subject, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm not."

The honesty was heartbreaking yet relieving. Because, if someone is honest about that, then that means they will be fine eventually. Most people lie like Ashton use to. However, he's slowly becoming more aware of telling the truth with this.

Luke told him softly,"I can't be there now and I can't hold you and I can't kiss you. But, I can tell you right now that I am so freaking sorry. And, I'll throw away the cigarettes, yeah? I'll stay away from Mitch and everything."

"You don't need to stay away from him, just stop fucking kissing people who aren't me and just call me," Ashton pouted, but deep inside he wasn't joking around and being playful. He was trying to lighten the situation.

Luke knew this. He was aware of when Ashton was serious and when he was joking. Right now, he was serious and just using a joking voice. He was hurting inside and Luke didn't like that. He wanted to make him smile. That's why Ashton called in the first place.

So, the blonde boy suggested and there was ruffling sounds on the other line,"Alright, love. I can promise never again will I kiss someone who's not you. And, if I do, you dump me right away and you never take me back."

"Deal," Ashton chuckled forcefully, though the thought made him sick. He didn't want to lose Luke, but he knew Luke was looking out for him.

He looked at the bracelet that Luke gave him on Christmas and heard him say,"Now, I'm happy you got through your panic attack. Usually you need me or Mikey or Calum to help. This just proves how strong you are. I'm so proud of you, bug."

A smile graced Ashton's face at the sincerity in his voice. He wanted so badly to tell Luke the truth d that Nate helped. How he wanted to go back and finish school with them. That he made a mistake and didn't want to go to University anymore. However, he couldn't change his mind after the decision was made.

Instead, he just talked to Luke. The couple staying up till three in the morning. Both were going to be exhausted, but neither care. They missed each other a lot and it was worth the bags under their eyes and cup of black coffee in the morning. As long as they were okay as a couple, they could be okay as people.

But, were they okay? Ashton wasn't sure. He lost even more trust in Luke. He couldn't believe he did that. Deep inside, he knew Luke only kissed Mitch's neck to get the cigarettes, not to cheat or hope for more than that.

Does it still count, though? He didn't know. All he knew was that everything was crumbling again. Maybe in his life, at least. He was at square one of feeling alone and Luke kept making the same mistakes of cheating and in the end, Ashton was getting hurt.


	44. Chapter 44

It was as if Luke had no common sense. Every time he did something, he did it without thinking. He would just act on what he feels he wants and that's it. He doesn't think about the consquences or how sometimes it can go wrong. He doesn't think and that's what leads him to getting into these problems.

Kissing Mitch on the neck didn't seem like a big problem until he said it out loud. Until he heard the pain in Ashton's voice and thought about it more and more. He realized how much Ashton just forgives him so easily and maybe he shouldn't. Maybe Ashton's too insecure to give Luke up and let him go.

But, he also knew Ashton was a smart boy and he would have dumped Luke if it felt right. He did it before and honestly, after thinking about it, Luke was glad he did. It gave Ashton time to cope with his self-harm and slowly stop. Even if it was for only a little amount of time.

Breaking up seemed drastic for such a dumb mistake. Which is why Luke needed to prevent it. He told himself more times than he could count that he would stop smoking. That it wasn't an addiction and he wouldn't rely on it. For a while, it worked, but as soon as he was weak and alone, he was driving himself back to the path that was dangerous.

Luke was weak.

He can't admit it out loud, but he was. He didn't handle things on his own well. That's why he's always s broken and shattered and eager to fix everyone else. Not only was him helping him working for the people, but it helped him. Because, he was with them and that made him feel better.

Luke relied on people more than everyone else in the group. He just hid it a lot by acting okay. His problems were apparently gone, considering his parents were in jail. But, he's not better. If anything, he's feeling worse because he lost them, he lost Ashton, and he's losing Michael.

He knows Michael will be back eventually, and he will see Ashton in a couple months. But, it's not the same. He's never been away from Michael. Michael being away for the Ariana concert was as long as they have been apart. It was depressing just not seeing him for a few days, he can't handle him being gone for so long.

He doesn't even know how long Michael will be gone. He's scared to ask and as far as he knew, there wasn't a set time. But, it still was worrying. He knew it was going to be quite some time. Of course, he could (hopefully) call him or even visit. He was really hoping so.

It was morning time and Luke was happy to see Calum was still sleeping. He had went to bed rather late, though. Him and Calum stayed up a bit and watched TV after Ashton called. That was such a sad moment in Luke's life. He's never felt this pathetic after breaking Ashton's heart like that. He lost so much trust and doesn't know how to gain it back.

He'll start with getting rid of his habit, though. If he can knock out the cigarettes and apologize to Mitch, then that will help a lot. Only, it was disgusting to think, but when he woke up, Luke was craving a smoke. He kept looking at his dresser where the cigarettes were and was itching for just one. All this stress was getting to him.

However, this was for not only Ashton, but for himself. He didn't want cancer or to give anyone else cancer. He wanted to be healthy and smoking isn't. He still had this gross taste in his mouth despite having not smoke in a few hours and he could only imagine kissing someone with the taste.

The problem is,Luke knew he couldn't do this alone. Calum got better with sleeping from him and Michael, Ashton was coping with self-harm from all the boys together and Michael was slowly getting situated with his eating disorder with the boys having him go to inpatient care. Luke had no one and Ashton couldn't help, he was too far away.

But, then he looked at where Calum was sprawled out in bed, snoring and mumbling sleepily. He needed someone and as pathetic as it was, he had to ask for help. There's no going back. The only way to fix his relationship is to fix the problems that surrounds it and that included his smoking habits.

In his mind, cheating wasn't just kissing a person or their neck or any of that sort. It was always the reasons behind it. He doesn't deny that what he did was wrong. Kissing someone else is never okay. But, he wouldn't say it was cheating. Because, he didn't want to kiss Mitch. He wanted to convince him to get cigarettes. However, he won't linger on that since he just wants to get better.

Which is why when Calum got up, Luke nervously went over to him. Calum was tugging on a band t-shirt and ruffling his hair messily. He glanced at Luke with a confused expression and the boy hesitated. He didn't even know what to say. Calum noticed and frowned.

"Are you alright?" Calum asked in concern, seeing the way Luke was fidgeting. Luke shook his head and Calum nodded. He took Luke's hand and led him to the bed, saying,"You can talk to me, you know? I won't...okay, I will judge you. But, I'll try to be civil and nice. Is it about Ashton?"

"I-I guess you could say that," Luke said shakily, rubbing his face in frustration and buried his face in his hands. "I just - I...promise not to be mad at me? Promise to try to understand? Because, a lot of people would think this was wrong. And, it -it was. But, I didn't mean for it to turn out the way it did."

Calum furrowed his eyebrows. He hesitated, seeing how hurt and lost Luke looked. So, he gave in and he told the blonde,"I promise, I'll try to be understanding. But, you need to tell me what happened and then I can help more, yeah? Now, what the hell did you do?"

At first, Luke was silent. Calum had patiently waited, figuring this was a lot to say and then Luke told him. He started off with just admitting he was lonely. That everyone left so suddenly and he felt left out with the boys going to the concert. He added that he understood it was a private date, so that Calum knew he wasn't trying to ruin their time together.

Then, he explained the Mitch part and that's when Calum clenched his fist. Calum was disgusted as Luke spoke shakily, avoiding his eyes. Calum tried to calm down and not judge. But, it's kind of hard when he's best friends with Ashton and a lot closer to him than Luke.

When Luke got to the part about calling Ashton, Calum grimaced as he explained that Ashton and him are still together. That Ashton had forgiven him and they were okay. He then frowned as he saw Calum's expression and eyes prickled with tears at his expression.

He said weakly,"Y-You're judging me."

"It's hard not to when you're being a slut," Calum snapped, instantly regretting his words as Luke glanced down and bit his lip to hold back a sob. He didn't think Luke was this sensitive, but he said with guilt,"I'm sorry, okay? But, I don't understand how you could do that."

Luke glared, sniffling quietly and wiped his eyes harshly,"It was my way to cope, okay?! No one understands me! I make dumb mistakes and everyone hates me instantly! I tried texting Michael about it last night after I hung up on Ashton and he just got mad at me. He didn't - He didn't even listen to me. No one listens to me...you guys all forgive each other, but when it comes to me, you guys gang up on me and - and I just wish I had someone who was there for me."

"I am here for you Luke, I'm always here for you," Calum promised, taking a deep breath as he saw Luke trembling slightly, obviously trying to hold in his tears. "Don't hold back, okay? It's okay, you can cry. You obviously held in too much. You need to stop doing that."

His words made Luke sob quietly, gasping in between each cry and he clenched his eyes shut. He said with a lost expression,"I don't understand w-what's wrong with me! I promised to never cheat and - and I did? I love him so much, I love him...I didn't mean to cheat. I - I was just so desperate."

Calum timidly smiled, nodding slowly as he placed a hand on Luke's shoulder,"Hey, just take a breath, yeah?" Luke did as told. "Now, you're on the right track. You told Ashton the truth as soon as you could and that's more than any 'cheater' could ever do. I don't believe in 'once a cheater always a cheater' because, not everyone who cheats is a cheater. Just like not everyone who sings is a singer or everyone who draws is an artist. It would need to be repeatedly."

"I cheated on him. Twice," Luke felt so hurt saying it out loud and he's not even the one who was cheated on. There was a huge ache in his chest and he rubbed his face in frustration.

His new brother chuckled forcefully,"I will never say that's okay. Cheating is never okay. I will say, both were honest mistakes and just...not the same as a 'normal cheating'. You were high the first time and honestly thought it was him. And, the second time was on the neck and you were just desperate, rude and hurt. It doesn't make it okay. It definitely doesn't."

"How do I fix this then? I want to stop. I can't lose him, he means so much to me," Luke babbled, looking at Calum with so much helplessness, it was honestly sad.

He never thought the day would come that he would be begging for help from Calum. But, he couldn't let this happen again. He loves Ashton with all his heart and he won't let himself lose what they have. Ashton means so much to him. He wants to be trustworthy and a loyal boyfriend.

Calum chewed his bottom lip and shrugged,"You're already fixing it. You obviously feel really guilty and you admit that you have a problem. I think the first thing we need to do is get rid of your cigarettes. I think I should hang around you more and um, since...since Mikey is leaving Friday, that gives us more time to spend together."

"I-I really love him, Calum," The blonde said with a frown.

Hearing the pain in his voice made Calum's heart break and he nodded. He opened his arms and Luke didn't think twice as he embraced the shorter boy. It's rare that they hug, but when they do, it's probably the most comforting thing in the world and both can agree with that.

However, school was in the way and so was the fact that Michael was leaving in two days. Which is why Calum grabbed his phone and texted his boyfriend, asking if he was ready yet. He then went with Luke, taking the cigarettes and they broke every single one of them, tossing them in the trash under a bunch of rubbish so their parents didn't see.

Considering Luke had quit for a month or so, it showed he was able to stop for a long period of time. This made it easier for him since he was a person that only craved it when he was stressed a lot and helpless. Now that Calum was aware of his friend's addiction that was hard to break, he can help him and be more self-conscious.

Once this was all cleared up, Calum waved goodbye to Luke and he got in his car. He drove to Michael's house and glanced at his phone, wondering if and when he should call Ashton. Surely Michael hasn't called. He wasn't much of a talker, obviously, and Calum knew Ashton needed someone.

He parked in front of Michael's house and took his phone, texting Ashton 'skype tonight? x' and beamed when Michael was rushing out of the house. he wore his Ariana 'Best Mistake' hoodie with his skinny jeans and his red-hair was tucked under a beanie. All-in-all, Calum finds him cute like always.

When Michael got in the car, he didn't smile like usual. He gave Calum a timid, forced one and just looked out the window. Calum frowned, but let out a small sigh and understood. Despite Michael not being mad at him, he was understandably not happy about leaving and Calum knew he was just realy sad.

Calum reached over while driving, his hand lacing with Michael's. The boy looked at Calum with the saddest eyes ever and he looked down when their eyes met. Calum licked his lips nervously and pulled into the school. He parked, turning in his seat and cupped Michael's face in his hands, kissing him softly and frowned as Michael pulled away with pouty lips and a hurt expression on his face.

Michael whispered, hand clutching at his boyfriend's shirt,"D-Don't want to leave."

"Baby, we have a couple days." Calum wrapped an arm around Michael's waist and winced at the seatbelt digging in his side. He unbuckled and pulled Michael over the compartment in the middle, into his lap and pecked his lips. "We have two days, darling. Let's not spend it being sad."

"C-Can visit, right?" Michael asked shakily, worry in his voice as he wrapped his arms around Calum's neck and snuggled his face in the boy's shoulder.

Calum hesitated,"I don't know, kitten. I don't think I can for the first couple weeks, but -"

"Weeks?" Michael's voice raised, pulling back with wide eyes. Calum frowned and the boy exclaimed, shaking his head frantically,"Not weeks! N-No, only couple days! Can't go for so l-long, no, no, no, no."

The panicked expression on his face made Calum nervously try to soothe him. He took the boy's face in his hands, kissing hips lips repeatedly and mumbled sweet nothings. Michael was trembling in Calum's arms and kept saying 'no' over and over again as he clung to Calum.

Seeing him like his was torture and it hurt Calum to know Michael was freaking out. It was definitely going to be at least two months. Michael was so underweight. Calum knew this from seeing him, from being with him and just having his arms around his boyfriend. To others, it wasn't severe since Michael hides it well. But, for Calum, he knew.

Which is why he wasn't letting Michael try to bribe his way out. All the kisses and puppy eyes and pouty lips weren't going to work this time. He loves Michael way too much than to let him slowly kill himself. Even if Michael didn't see it, he was slowly dying and hurting his body.

After assuring Michael of everything, Calum helped him out of the car and the couple walked into school. It was weird going to school nowadays. So many people were aware of Michael's anorexia and Michael didn't seem pleased by this. Mainly since he hated being called anorexic. It was just as bad as being called fat.

Calum was a good boyfriend, though. He protects Michael more than he protects himself. He stands up for him and he would never let anyone even look at Michael with a displeased expression. He was so fed up with bullying recently and was tired of all the hate and rude things being said behind people's back.

Since he use to do it, he understood and now that he knew how much it hurt, he regrets everything he said in his past. All the rude words he spoke of Ashton and the gossip he spread with his so-called friends. It was just too much and Calum hated himself for it. But, he also was glad he did it. Because, now he was able to prove that people can change.

Which helps in the end as he would defend Michael loud and proud in the halls. Of course, Michael would be embarrassed and hide behind his boyfriend. He would blush and whisper for Calum to stop. But, deep inside Michael was all giddy and giggly over Calum standing up for him.

They were like the new power couple, strutting down the halls with their hands entwined and Michael clinging to his arm. He smiled weakly, pressing sweet kisses to Calum's lips and the two would part. Calum was happy to see Michael more open with being affectionate in the halls and he was happy to do the same, no longer afraid to be out of the closet.

But,in class, Calum was thinking of ways to talk to Luke about his cigarette smoking. He decided it would be best to get him a lot of gum to use in replacement of the cigarettes. The list was small, seeing as he never experienced this. But, the gum was a good start and it showed that he was trying to help his brother.

-

"So, today's topic is overcoming."

The past few weeks have been hard on the misfits. Everyone was having problems as of now. Calum was doing decent, he was getting a bit more sleep. However, his boyfriend being sad was hard on him and he was still dealing with the loss of his friends and being bullied by his ex-friends.

Because of this, they haven't had many meetings and all the boys were kind of off doing their own things. But, since Michael was leaving in two days and Luke was having problems and feeling abandoned, they all decided to do one last meeting with the three like they did with Ashton.

It was sad, honestly. It was like one misfits was leaving after the other. As far as they knew, this was a good thing. It was as if each time one left, they were leaving for the better. Ashton doing what he loves despite having a few bumps in the road and now Michael was getting medical help for his disorder

With that in mind, Luke was okay. He was thinking more and more about it and realized his friends and boyfriend were just doing what's right for them. That's why he was going to talk to Mr.Hood and see if he can help. Maybe with a parent knowing, he can feel more obligated to quit. Even if it meant getting in trouble or yelled at.

He sighed and the thought scared him, yet made him proud. He timidly smiled and read out,"The question is; what's your problem/disorder and how are you or how will you overcome it?"

Luke looked towards Michael. The boy was looking down and unable to meet anyone's eyes. They all were hoping he would say it. Because, if he said it that meant he was aware of it. Being aware made it easier for him to overcome his eating disorder. It can help him get out of the inpatient care quicker.

"I..I'm," Michael clenched his eyes shut, burying his face in his malum bear. He took a shaky breath and looked up, blinking his watery eyes repeatedly. He didn't know why this was so hard, but it was. He didn't believe it, yet he knew it was true. Which is how the word spilled out, "A-Anorexic."

Despite what the word was and the disorder, Luke was grinning and Calum gave Michael a big kiss. It was weird to be so happy over something, but they were proud of him. For admitting to his problem and saying it out loud. It was a big step to getting better.

Luke nodded for him to go on and Michael mumbled as he played with the hood of Malum's army jacket,"N-Need to go to um, inpatient care...to g-get fatter."

"It's not to get fatter, love. It's to get healthy," Calum informed him gently, not wanting to upset his boyfriend. He wants to avoid fighting since they had limited time together.

Of course, Michael just shrugged it off. It's rare that he ever gets mad at Calum. It's usually him being upset or not agree, but never really mad. He didn't believe he was skinny at all. He probably never will. But, deep inside he was aware that he's not healthy. That being fat or skinny; he wasn' sure anymore.

Since his friends keep saying he's skinny and they don't seem to be sarcastic or teasing him, he somehow believes them. But, he's also just really sad. He feels fat, but he knows he's not. It was weird. Like his mind just kept carving the word 'fat' everywhere. Like his mind hated making him the least bit confident and well, it was working since he's the most insecure person Calum's ever met despite being the most beautiful.

"Okay," Calum blinked and looked down. "My problem is insomnia. I'm overcoming it by sleeping in a little more each night. At first it was cause of Luke, then it was cause of my cuddly kitten," Calum leaned over,pressing an obnoxiously loud kiss to Michael's cheek, who giggled and wiped the spot. "Anyways, I still only get four to five hours. But, I use to only get two or three. I think it's working so far. Maybe I can get to seven before the end of the year."

Luke chuckled,"Not even I get seven hours."

Calum rolled his eyes, but knew it was true. Even if others in school got around six hours, Calum's goal will forever be seven. He just felt like the number was perfect. Seven glasses of water, seven days in a week, and seven hours of sleep. To him, it was just the right number.

"Alright, my turn and then we'll do the time capsule." Luke pursed his lips and tapped his finger on his knee. It was funny, to think Ashton use to have to remind him to go since Luke was always insecure of his own problems. He chuckled silently and then said,"My problem is...not wanting to be alone."

Calum furrowed his eyebrows, expecting him to say his parents or smoking. However, he leaned back in curiosity and watched as Luke nervously fiddled with his fingers under the gaze. His brother was probably the bravest person ever and Calum was happy to have him in his family.

"I - I guess I just haven't grown use to it yet. Before Michael, I was always alone. But, now that I have-had him," He corrected, frowning when Michael looked at him with a sad expression. "I was use to having Michael always by my side. Then I was use to having Ashton. Now, I'm losing them both and I can't rely on you, Calum."

"It's okay to rely on people. Just, don't rely on them for your happiness," Calum retorted, smiling sweetly at the boy. "And, how exactly are you going to overcome your fear of being alone?"

"It will be kind of hard with you around a lot, but since you'll probably hang out with Maya -" Michael pouted and Calum wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Luke rolled his eyes and continued,"I'll find something to keep me busy. Maybe get a job? I could find something and it'll distract me. Maybe I can start doing my own track work-outs on my own."

Calum nodded and Luke sighed, relieve that he finally got that off his chest. The three then went over to the suitcase after a moment of silence. They each grabbed their items and sat down criss-cross in front of the suitcase. Luke opened it open, seeing all the items in it and he tugged lightly at his lip ring.

The suitcase was getting full and he watched as Calum put in a couple of pills. They were sleeping ones and he wrote out the word 'content' on the suitcase. Michael then went, hesitating and putting in the Ariana Grande ticket with a sheepish expression. He wrote out the word 'enlightened' and giggled quietly at the pretty word. Luke rolled his eyes, but chuckled along.

He then put in his lighter, matching Ashton's that the boy put in the first time, and wrote out the word 'proud'. Because, he's proudly going to get better. The three all stood up and got their things. Luke put away the suitcase and he stood in the tree house. Calum turned to him with a confused expression, but Luke just nodded at him to go.

Calum did as told and Luke sat down in the beanbag chair. He looked around and saw Mitch's handwriting across the treehouse. The words he wrote for them. He was so nice and yet, Luke treated him like he owned him. Mitch was a person. He's human. Surely he had his moments that protrayed him as a bad person, but everyone does as well.

Guilt filled Luke and he needed to apologize. Tomorrow, he was going to make sure he apologized to Mitch. He needed to fix everything and get his life together. Not walk away from problems. He was determined to do what was right and so, Luke got up and he went down the ladder.

On his way home, he looked around for some places to get a job. He wanted to get an apartment for him and Ashton on his own. He was going to pay for it with his own money. The car was a nice present, but he wanted this place to be his and Ashton's home and something he got himself.

By the time he got home, Calum was already gone and probably off with Maya hanging out. He went upstairs, deciding to talk to Mr.Hood about the cigarettes tomorrow. He needed to get this schedule sorted and Luke went online. He spent hours finding ways to stop smoking, some methods that didn't cost money and he looked for places in need of jobs.

Luke didn't want to do this to prove anything. He wanted to do it for his own benefit. He wasn't trying to show off or find a reason for Ashton to stay. It was for him and him only. Maybe a little for Ashton as well since his family was terrible, but it was mainly for him.

However, around ten at night when Calum was in the shower, Luke was getting ready for bed. He yawned and rubbed his eyes sleepily, not sure why he was so tired. All the lack of sleep really does catch up to a person. He laid in bed and checked that his alarm was on.

But, suddenly the phone was beeping and Ashton's ring tone played. He saw Ashton's pictures light up and frowned. He slid the answer lock over and was about to speak. But, there was sobbing on the other line and Ashton's words were choppy, his sentences mushed together and Luke sat up abruptly.

He frantically asked, heart pounding,"Ashton, bug, what's wrong? Baby, I need you to calm down, okay? Breath for me, I-I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

Ashton didn't listen, just struggling to gasp for air and Luke felt so helpless as he stood up. His instincts were telling him to grab his shoes and drive to Ashton's place. But, Ashton was in Melbourne. He was so confused on what to do, hearing his boyfriend sobbing on the other line and crying his eyes out for a reason Luke didn't know.

"Bug, please," Luke said weakly, clutching his phone. "Breathe. Tell me what's wrong."

Ashton's breath was raggedy, his words coming out as,"W-Want to die! I-I can't, I just. Too much, Luke. I-It hurts. I-I hate everything."

Just as those words were said, Luke's heart dropped and he held his phone tightly. He swallowed a lump in his throat and was so unsure of what to say. He just started rambling out stupid and overused phrases like 'it gets better' and 'i love you' and 'you have your whole life ahead of you' and so much bullshit, Luke nearly laughed at himself.

"T-They kicked me out," Ashton explained and his voice was muffled, probably on his bed and burying his face in his pillows. Luke frowned as the boy's breath was heavy,"S-Sent all my stuff. I'm alone. School's too much! I-I hate it. I miss you! And-And the boys and I tried, I tried so hard. B-But, I'm just not happy! W-Wanna be happy and be with you and - fuck, you cheated and I'm never good enough!"

Luke felt a weight of guilt on his shoulders, hearing his boyfriend's words. How sad and hurt he is. Obviously he wasn't a very good boyfriend considering he didn't even think about it. Well, actually he did. That's why he didn't want Ashton to leave, because he figured this would happen and just like he predicted, they were on the phone and Ashton relapsed.

He laid back and he wasn't aware of how to help. He really couldn't. He couldn't hold the bandages on Ashton's cuts and he couldn't kiss him and promise things that should never be promised. However, he tried and that's all that mattered. He just whispered sweet words to Ashton, who didn't take them well but faked a thankful voice.

When Calum came in the room, he was confused as to why Luke had tears falling and Luke just shook his head slowly at Calum with Ashton still crying over the phone. It all clicked together and now Calum knew why Ashton never texted him back and why their Skype call never happened.

Instead of asking, Calum just nodded in understanding. He overheard Luke speaking to Ashton quietly and the couple stayed for hours on the phone. Luke didn't hang up. He was too worried to do so. He couldn't believe Ashton's parents kicked him out like that. He was so hurt by this and he wasn't even their kid.

He was even more determined to get that apartment. He wasn't going to let Ashton live in a dorm room, it wasn't the best place for him. So, while he listened to Ashton's soothing breaths over the phone, he thought of getting a job as soon as possible and he was going to get better. If not for himself, then for his overwhelmed boyfriend who deserved nothing but the best.


	45. Chapter 45

Hearing Luke talking to Ashton all night and then his small sobs was torture for Calum. He didn't know how to help this and he didn't know what happened. He was only aware of the fact that Ashton was obviously upset over something and was most likely crying to Luke over the phone.

Because of this, Calum felt like he needed to talk to Ashton. They are best friends and he needed to make sure his best friend wasn't contemplating doing something he would regret. He always told Ashton to call if he needed anything and sadly, the boy never does and Calum should expect that.

It's not easy to admit you're upset and need someone. Of course, Ashton called Luke and that made Calum happy. It showed he was slowly getting to the point to where Ashton may be extremely sad, but he was able to admit it and call for help. Even after already hurting himself. 

Calum wasn't sure if Ashton relapsed or not. He didn't want to assume the worst, however, judging by the way Luke was the next morning, he put the pieces together. Luke didn't tell him anything and he kind of just ignored him for a little bit. Which Calum understood and tried not to get mad at him for.

Despite Luke not being the one that hurt himself and was in Ashton's position, it still effects him. Calum understood considering he feels pain and sadness from seeing his own boyfriend hurting himself. Surely he didn't put blades to his body, but eating disorders are a form of self harm. And like Luke, Calum felt pain by seeing his boyfriend doing this.

Michael was leaving the next day and Calum didn't know what to do. He wanted to Skype Ashton and make sure the boy was okay. Since Luke is dating Ashton, he can't give cold, hard criticism or do anything. Luke is whipped and kind of just lets Ashton do what he feels since he's afraid of getting dumped or fighting.

This meant that Calum was the one who can actually talk to Ashton. He and Ashton have grown a close connection and though they have drifted since he left a couple weeks ago, they still hold that connection. They're friends who were both lonely until they finally forgave each other and grew to know one another.

But, Michael is leaving and Calum wanted to spend time with his boyfriend. Ashton would still be there tomorrow. Calum can still Skype him. However, once Michael is gone, they can't talk for the first few days and possibly week. He didn't want to waste his last day with Michael.

However, talking to Ashton isn't a waste. Finally, he decided maybe he can invite Michael over and they can Skype Ashton together. So, during school he had a long day ahead of him. He and Luke both were upset and Michael was confused as to why. But, he also wasn't the happiest person ever.

Calum assumed it was because of him leaving the next day. He thought it would be nice for Michael to sleepover since it's their last day together for quite some time. Despite being able to visit, he wouldn't be able to do much and the visits won't be very long.

Michael easily agreed to coming over and spending time with Calum. He seemed way more excited over it than Calum and that's saying something. But, Michael is clingy (not in a bad way) and that made Calum happy since they would get to cuddle and kiss and just be happy together.

Sadly, goodbye sex seemed out of the picture considering his parents would be home and Michael's aunt hasn't gone out a lot and was home as well. Probably packing up for Michael and helping get his things together. She hasn't done much to help, but that proved she at least cared about him a little.

After school, Michael had watched the boys have a track meet and was holding his Malum bear. Calum noticed he was also reading something, but he couldn't see what. It was weird, because Michael hates reading and never does it. But, he seemed to almost be done with the book.

When the track meet ended, Calum saw Luke had left with Mitch and furrowed his eyebrows. He wasn't very pleased of this, but as him and Michael passed by the two, he frowned. He saw Mitch was hurt by something Luke said and already knew Luke must have been apologizing and maybe explaining why they can't hang out for a while.

That may seem drastic and apparently Ashton said Luke can still hang out with Mitch. But, Calum knew why Luke was doing this. Mitch was his trigger. He got Luke addicted (not meaning to let it goes this far) and whenever Luke hangs out with Mitch, he craves the nicotine and Mitch is too whipped to say no. 

Until Luke is clean enough to not crave the cigarettes anymore, he needs to stay away from anything that would trigger him into wanting to smoke. Some people don't think smoking is that bad, but Luke doesn't want to be addicted and Calum is helping him since he already failed.

By the time Michael and Calum were home, Calum's mum was as well. His dad was going to spend some time with Luke and Calum knew why. Luke was telling him about the smoking addiction and he was really proud. He knew his dad just adored Luke and maybe he can help since his dad use to smoke as well. He stopped after Calum's mum was pregnant with Mali.

As Calum and Michael went to his room, Michael was smiling and kissing him sweetly. His smile was a sad one, though. It was weak and made Calum's heart hurt. However, he just kissed him back and chuckled when Michael nearly tripped over a shoe, blushing fiercely.

Michael asked quietly, clinging onto his malum bear and the book he still had,"W-What are we doing?"

"Well," Calum drawled out, arms encircled around Michael's waist and pulling him on his lap. "I was hoping we could spend some time together, you know? Just...kiss and cuddle and talk," Calum told him sweetly, seeing Michael beam and nod. "But, before we do that, we need to Skype Ashton."

A frown formed on Michael's lips. There was a small glint in his eyes and he looked down at the book in his hand. Calum noticed it was the one Ashton gave him and he heard Michael whisper as he leaned his head on Calum's shoulder,"O-Okay. Miss him lots. H-He's okay? Yes?"

"I...I don't think he is, kitten," Calum retorted sadly, hand on Michael's thin waist. He rubbed small patterns on the smooth skin and Michael lifted his head up with his eyebrows furrowed together. "Listen, Ashton called Luke last night. They were both crying, I could tell Ashton was. I texted him earlier and he agreed to Skype me. You can talk to him too, if you want. I'm sure he'd love to talk to you."

There was a shy expression on Michael's face. He glanced down at the book Ashton gave him and shook his head,"W-Wouldn't want to talk to me. I-Ignored him and never texted."

"Baby, don't think like that. Ashton loves you," Calum insisted, turning his boyfriend's face so their eyes met. He pecked his lips and licked his own,"He cares about you just as much as Luke and I do. He even asks about you sometimes. Or at least, when he's talking to Luke. I haven't spoken to him much either. But, you should talk to him. You care about him, right?"

"Of course," Michael said instantly.

Calum grinned and grabbed his laptop from across the bed. He pulled Michael as he scooted back and the boy squeaked, clinging onto his arm. He patted Michael's bum and then texted Ashton to make sure it was the right time. He knew forcing Michael to speak to Ashton wasn't nice, but he knew deep inside Michael wants to talk to him.

Sometimes Michael just gets shy around Ashton and Calum knew why. They are the closest of friends. Both are perfectionist in their own way. Both are so much alike that it might scare the other. Michael wants the perfect image, Ashton wants the perfect brain and personality. Both wanted to be perfect for others as well as themselves.

It was sad to say, but it was true. Calum glanced at Michael with a frown on his face and he saw the boy was repeatedly playing the Malum bear's voice box. He grimaced, hearing it sing with Calum's voice. However, he saw Michael's eyes light up each time it played and just smiled.

After Ashton texted back and said he was ready, Calum went on Skype and he called Ashton. He waited and Michael was nervously scooting away from the camera, giving them some space as he flipped the page of his book and curled up in a small ball. He looked nearly finished with the book.

Soon, Ashton's face appeared on the screen. He wore his glasses, hair fringed and had on what looked to be Luke's jacket he must have stolen. Ashton smiled weakly and said,"Hi, what's up?"

"Hey, I was just — I just wanted to catch up. We haven't talked in a while, you know?" Calum lied easily, not wanting to admit he was just really worried.

However, Ashton's eyes averted down to his hands as he mumbled,"Luke told you to Skype me, didn't he?"

"No," Calum replied instantly. Ashton gave him a look of disbelief, so Calum explained timidly,"I swear, he didn't. I overheard you and him on the phone last night. I was just — I was worried, okay? Do you blame me? He was crying last night when you fell asleep. I couldn't help but worry. Besides, I was gonna Skype you anyways."

A small blush coated Ashton's cheeks as he asked shyly,"He— He was crying? Why?"

"Cause, he loves you, you idiot!" Calum let out humorless laugh. "He's crazy about you. He cheated on you and fuck, he was an idiot for doing that. Trust me, I talked to him. But, he loves you.He's trying to stop smoking and he's not hanging out with Mitch for a while. He loves you and he wants to prove it to you."

"He doesn't need to prove it, I know he loves me. He just — he does stupid things and it hurts me. A lot," Ashton scooted back, fiddling with his fingers and Calum darted his eyes to Ashton's wrist. It was covered with long sleeves from Luke's jacket and he frowned.

Calum nodded in understanding. He sighed and told Ashton,"I get it, don't worry. You have every right to be hurt and upset. I'd be concerned if you weren't. But, can you...talk to me? What happened last night? Why did you call Luke and why were you crying? I just worry. I want to try to help you."

"You can't help me this time," Ashton argued, pressing his knees to his chest and laid his head on them. When he saw Calum was confused, he admitted with tears prickling my eyes,"My—My parents...kicked me out. I'm not allowed back in the house. And um, I—I can't see my sister and brother. At least, not when they're around."

A look of disbelief crossed Calum's face and even Michael's attention was caught. Michael scooted over, appearing on the screen much to Ashton's surprise. He wasn't bothered by Michael having overheard everything. It's not like he's embarrassed. At least, not with Michael.

The red-haired boy asked quietly, frowning as he saw how sad Ashton was,"T-They kicked you out?" Ashton nodded. "S-So sorry. Where a-are you going?"

"Well, I'm in Uni now, so I have a dorm and I can stay here. But, she sent everything of mine and I got it. I don't know where my bed and dresser and everything is." Ashton wiped his watery eye and shrugged,"I need to get a job. And, find somewhere I can stay on breaks. Guess I'm just...on my own now."

Calum shook his head instantly,"No, Ashton. You're never on your own. Not anymore. We're here for you. I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind you staying during breaks and, I saw Luke was looking for jobs. I'm sure he can help you, too. We love you and we'll help you too."

"Y-Yeah, I love you," Michael agreed, sheepishly smiling at Ashton. "Miss you, too."

A small chuckle left Ashton's lips, heart swelling when hearing the boys actually care about him. He felt so stupid for even thinking about killing himself last night. He glanced at his wrist that was no longer scarred and now actually cut. He relapsed terribly last night.

Calum noticed him looking at his arm and his teeth grazed over his bottom lip. He glanced at Michael, who was leaning his head on the boy's shoulder. Calum sighed and told Ashton softly,"Hey, don't feel guilty, okay? It's...okay. You can relapse. It doesn't mean you're weak, it actually shows how strong you are."

"How? I went a couple weeks without..." Ashton trailed off, swallowing a lump in his throat. "A-And them I just did it. I couldn't even find anything, but then I saw Nate's girlfriend's disposable razors and I just did it. I was so weak. I'm not strong. I relapse way too much."

Michael spoke up,"T-The quicker you relapse, the quicker you..get better."

"So, I'm suppose to hurt myself to stop hurting myself?" Ashton raised an eyebrow, not understanding at all. He tugged at his sleeves and sighed out. "I just — sometimes I think...things. Ever since I got here, it was sad and then fine for a little and then I got overwhelmed. Now, my parents kick me out? I keep — I keep wanting to..."

Calum's eyes widened, heart sinking as he saw Ashton's expression. He sat up and said sternly,"Don't you dare, Ashton. Please, don't think like that. You've come so far with recovering. It's okay to slip up. At least you're trying. When you try, you will succeed eventually. It just takes a while. Years, even. But, there's always more time in between each time you relapse. Don't you notice that?"

At first, Ashton wanted to argue. But, he thought back to every time he relapsed. How each space in between each time he self-harmed was longer and longer every time. It went from a week, to weeks and then a couple months. Now, it was starting again and maybe Calum's right.

Seeing realization cross his face, Calum smiled. He then decided it was time to talk about something more happy. Which is why he and Michael cuddled up and Michael told Ashton how he finished the Outsiders just now. He has read it before for school, but he forgot about most of it. 

So, Calum leaned back with Michael's head on his chest and listened to them speak about the book with a fond expression. He threaded his fingers through Michael's thin hair and occasionally kissed his forehead. He 'read' the book for school, but never really read it enough to understand it or remember the characters.

That made it hard for him to comprehend what the two guys were speaking about. But, he didn't mind. He just loved hearing Michael's voice. It made his heart soar and smile widen when hearing Michael talk a little louder and with less stutters once he was comfortable with Ashton.

Soon enough, Ashton had an afternoon class to go to. They both said goodbye and Michael smiled at Ashton. He gave him a small wave, saying 'love you' quietly.Usually Calum would be jealous, but he just felt so proud. Ashton and Michael finally were closer and Michael opened up to him a little. He had a true conversation with him that wasn't sad and depression and forced.

Because of this, Calum leaned down and pressed his lips to the boys. He kissed him deeply, chuckling when Michael returned the kiss with enthusiasm. Michael wrapped his legs around Calum's waist and arms around his neck, clinging on like a monkey. It was truly adorable.

Sadly, Luke had to return home at some point. Instead of being upset over it, Calum offered that they all watched a movie and like always, Michael said Lion King. The two brothers were annoyed of the movie, but since Michael was leaving, they sucked it up and went downstairs to watch it.

They had school the next day, but they stayed up and Mr. and Mrs. Hood allowed it this one time. Luke laid on the recliner with a blanket and was texting Ashton most of the time. But, Michael and Calum were sprawled across the loveseat with Michael slotted under Calum's arm and using his chest as a pillow.

Neither really slept that night. Not because Calum couldn't fall asleep, but because he didn't want to. At first, Michael stayed up with him and they just talked. It was truly beautiful. How Michael spoke to him and held a conversation. How his eyes lit up as he rambled.

Yes, Michael rambled.

It was stuttery and in whispers, but he just kept saying how much he loved Calum and that he missed the Ariana concert. His voice was slurred and sleepy, nuzzling his face in Calum's neck. But, Calum didn't mind.If anything, sleepy Michael was his favorite because that's his true kitten side.

His words were muffled and he made snuffly sounds, scrunching his nose when he drifted to sleep. Calum watched him fondly and he sighed in content. He was truly going to miss his boyfriend. Miss having him in his arms and cuddling with him. But, it was the for the best.

In the morning, Calum wasn't even tired. He was just sad. Michael was leaving at five in the evening and Calum wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. He wanted to skip school with him and go out, do something fun. Maybe make another build-a-bear.

However, as he asked while standing outside his boyfriend's house, Michael shook his head. He frowned and said with guilt,"C-Can't. Have to go to therapist. T-Talk about the inpatient thing."

"Oh," Calum swallowed, holding back the sadness in his voice. He nodded and cupped Michael's face in his heads, kissing him quickly,"Okay, we can meet up after? I just wanna spend a little time before you leave. I'm gonna miss kissing you so much. And just looking at you."

"G-Gonna miss you, too," Michael agreed, pressing his lips to Calum's once again. He then glanced at his door and grimaced,"Need to g-go."

Calum offered,"I can drive you?"

"M-My aunt is," Michael bit his bottom lip and smiled sadly at Calum. Calum wanted to just spend every second he can with Michael. However, the red-haired boy just captured Calum's lips with his. Calum held his hips, pulling him close and Michael pulled away. He whispered and leaned his forehead against Calum's,"I love you."

"I love you, too," Calum brushed his thumb against Michael's cheek and kissed him a few more times. Just wanting to. No reason behind it. He then let go of Michael finally, since they will see each other later anyways. He went to his car, glancing back and saw Michael giving him a small wave with his sweater paws. He nodded and got in the car, shutting it,"I'll see you later, kitten."

Michael just nodded, chewing on his sleeve with a sad expression on his face. Then, he went inside and Calum sighed as he drove off. He kept glancing back and frowned. He just wanted to see him as much as possible. To hold him, hug him, love him — do anything to prove he was doing the right thing.

Maybe he made a mistake. Michael did gain a few pounds. Maybe it was wrong to send him off just because he got seven pounds instead of ten. That's still a lot and he knew Michael was somewhat trying. He exercised with Calum and he was eating a little.

But, it was too much of a risk. Something was telling Calum that sending Michael away may not be the right thing to do. However, neither is keeping him in a place where he still isn't wanting to be better. He still wants to be skinny and he already is. So, deep inside, Calum felt like it was the right thing to do.

That's why he went into school and didn't give a shit about the people staring at him like he's a new person. Because, Calum is brand new. He's in a happy relationship, despite his boyfriend having an eating disorder. He was in love and he has the best and most wonderful boyfriend ever.

He has friends that actually care about him instead of those jerks who betrayed him and left him just because he's gay. He has parents that are aware of his insomnia and he has a brother. Luke is his brother and he is just happy. Calum can smile and have it be because of the people around who love him. Not because he's wasted and everything is funnier than way.

When he got to class, he smiled at Luke and the blonde smiled back. He remembered when he was in class and not paying attention. How he was half asleep and his teacher called on him. He remembered Luke glancing back at him with pity and how he was a jerk to him.

So much has changed.

He grew as a person and it was all due to the club. The club that was still going to continue. Maybe they can make it a bigger club and have more people join. However, that seemed a little crazy. He nearly snorted, shaking his head and knew his idea was a waste of time.

Calum felt his phone vibrate and saw Luke asked where Michael was. Calum informed him that Michael was in therapy and getting everything together since he's leaving. As he looked at Luke, he saw a frown on his lips and chewed on his bottom on. He pursed his lips at the boy's expression.

Sometimes he felt selfish for being so sad over Michael leaving when Luke was dealing with the same pain. Obviously he's sad, he knew Michael longer. So, Calum looked down, texted and asked 'still a club meeting today?'. He looked up and saw Luke smile, turning to him and nodded. 

The bell rang and they both pocketed their phones. Calum turned his attention to the teacher and yawned, suddenly tired considering he didn't sleep last night. However, he still got an answer right when called on for once. And, in that moment, he knew life was definitely improved for him. Especially when he saw the surprised expression on his teachers face and proud one on Luke's.

-

"So, it's just you and me."

The two boys were sat in the treehouse, Luke sprawled on a beanbag with Calum across the room and sat on his own. Calum nodded sadly, glancing at the time. He had an hour before he can see Michael leave and he was really not looking forward to that.

As of now, Luke and Calum decided that they would have their own meeting together. It was weird, since now it was only the two of them. Is that even considered a club? Surely it could be. All they need to do is say it's own and then it becomes one. That's how clubs work.

But, it wasn't the same. They felt awkward, just glancing at each other and not able to get other opinions. They needed to pull through, though. Michael had said he wanted them to continue the club just like Ashton did. However, the club started with four misfits and now there's only two.

Calum sighed and tightened the Misfits jacket Ashton gave him around himself. He asked curiously,"What's the topic today? Are we gonna keep it all the same?"

"I guess. It might be a little harder, but I think we can make it work," Luke said and didn't reach for the box with slips of paper that had topics on them. Instead, he suggested,"Why don't we just...talk? Like, instead of getting a topic out, we can just say anything. Talk about what bothers us?"

"Well, Michael's leaving," Calum pointed out, glancing down at his hands. 

A silence fell and Luke nodded slowly. He swallowed a lump in his throat and saw how thoughtful Calum looked. Luke noticed the way his hands were pressed over his pocket. Where his phone was located. Almost like he was just waiting for Michael to text him.

Luke asked quietly,"Are you gonna visit him?"

"Of course," Calum said instantly. "As soon as we're allowed to. I—I'm gonna miss him a lot. Now I know how you felt when Ashton left." Luke shrugged halfheartedly. Calum furrowed his eyebrows a bit and picked at his hangnail on his thumb,"You know, I sometimes think I made the wrong decision. If...If I just talked to the doctors, they would have probably let Michael stay anyways."

"He's eighteen, he doesn't have to go," Luke pointed out.

A look of confusion filled Calum's face when he realized Luke was right. Since Michael is a legal adult, he can say no. He didn't have to go if he didn't want to. He wasn't forced. So, why didn't he just say no? Calum leaned his chin in the palm of his hand and a smile threatened to tug on his lips.

Luke chuckled,"Guess he does want to get better. Or else he wouldn't have agreed."

"I guess you're right," Calum laughed a little. He then cleared his throat and told the blonde,"I um, I Skyped Ashton. And, we talked a little. Actually, him and Michael talked a lot. But, he understands, you know? He's not mad at you. Obviously, he's not happy. But, when I told him how you were trying to get better, he seemed really proud of you."

"Really?" hope filled Luke's blue eyes, voice cracking with how fast he spoke. "Wow, I—I would have thought he was so mad at me. When he called the other night, I was so scared. He sounded like he really wanted to...to do it. He was crying so hard. I couldn't even hear what he was saying."

"I know," Calum said softly, seeing Luke take a deep breath.

But, Luke shook his head,"No. Like...I've seen him cry a lot, Calum. Ashton is really...emotional and he's cried a lot in front of me. And it always hurt. Seeing him so sad and upset. But, to actually hear him cry that hard and not be able to do anything — it was so...excruciating. I felt so helplessly."

"You weren't, Luke. You obviously were able to calm him down, yeah?" Calum reminded and he got up, sitting in the beanbag where Ashton usually was. And he did the job Ashton usually does. He wrapped an arm around Luke's shoulder and comfortingly rubbed his arm. "You helped and you didn't even have to hold him or anything. He called you, Luke. Instead of actually...doing it, he called."

Luke glanced up at Calum and nodded slowly. He lightly leaned his head against Calum's shoulder and breathed out,"Yeah, but...I wanted to be there."

"You were there. Maybe not physically, but you were." Calum wrapped an arm around Luke's shoulder and pulled him close. He rubbed his back soothingly and hesitated before pressing a quick kiss to his head. "Now, I need you to be there for me, okay? Cause, my boyfriend's leaving too. We're in the same boat."

A small chuckle left Luke's lips and he nodded. The two friends then chatted more after he agreed. He wasn't going to let Calum go through this alone. He was going to help him just like Calum did for him. He was going to be a good brother and help him out this time.

After Ashton left, Calum was always there for him and it meant a lot. Luke needed to do the same. Because, the worst part about being in a long distance relationships is the fact that something is gone, but it's still there. And, unlike when a person is forever ripped from you, there's the agonizing pain of knowing there's a possibility of seeing someone, but you can't be there.

Which is why they thought of ways to make the boys days back amazing. Ashton was coming back for graduation, which was slowly but surely coming closer. Only a couple months and Luke wanted to visit Ashton. He was hoping he can since maybe he can pay for Ashton to come down for prom.

Prom was only a week away. Which was another sad part about Michael leaving. Unlike the possibility of Luke hopefully paying for Ashton to visit that day, Michael will not be able to leave the inpatient care. The rules were that no matter one, the person needs to stay in. If let out, they could throw up their food and it would make the whole time useless.

After they discussed possibilities, Luke was excited to call Ashton up on Skype and ask him to visit for prom. He smiled at the thought of dancing with his boyfriend. Surely neither of them were the best dancers. They were both clumsy and never had experience, but that's what would make it fun.

However, since Calum was at home and talking to his dad about being able to visit Michael, Luke was going to Michael's place to spend some time with him as well. Considering him and Calum talked, Calum decided that Luke should spend the last hour with him instead. They were both able to go and drop Michael off at the location, but Luke wanted to just see him before he was leaving.

On his way, he was texting Ashton at the redlights. He smiled and chuckled at the boy's words. They were discussing Ashton's roommate, Nate, who was thankfully helping out now. Luke was surprised when Ashton told him he talked to Nate about his self-harm. 

Ashton told him how he was scared of himself. Something no one ever wants to be. The will to hurt himself was strong when not around people he loves. So, he talked to Nate and the guy was going to help him. Be like his big brother and make sure he doesn't have anything sharp around. It was nice to know Ashton was safe.

Luke was a little jealous, of course. Not because Nate was helping Ashton not cut, that would be terrible to be jealous of that. He was just jealous that Nate was so close to Ashton. However, he smiled. Because, his roommate seemed caring and so, he took the jealous and turned it into thankfulness.

When Luke got to Michael's place, he frowned and saw the car in the driveway was gone. It was Michael's aunts car and he furrowed his eyebrows. Luke was suddenly worried. He was hoping Michael hasn't left yet. What if he was already on his way and Calum didn't get to say goodbye? Luke knew the boy wanted to get Calum a cute present before he was gone.

The blonde hesitated and went up the steps. He knocked on the door and called out Michael's name and his aunts. He then grumbled and grabbed his phone. He texted Michael, frowning as he asked where he was and if he was home. Maybe he just went to the store or he was still in therapy.

But, there was a sinking feeling in his stomach when there wasn't a reply. He just felt like something wasn't right. Michael was suppose to leave at four and it's only three. He nervously went under the plant by the door, knowing there was a key and he took it, opening the door.

Luke looked around the house and he called out his name again. There wasn't a reply, causing his heart to race a bit. The eerie silence in the house made him sick. He didn't like the silence. It was scaring him. He frantically kept looking at his phone and shakily texted Michael again and again.

When he went to Michael's room, he opened the door. But, at first it wasn't able to open. The handle jiggled and his eyes widened when realizing it was locked. Luke slowly stopped shaking the door handle, heart pounding in his chest and soon his fists were pounding on the door, shouting Michael's name over and over again.

After realizing the door wasn't going to open, Luke rushed to Michael's aunts room. He didn't care about personally space anymore. He dug through her drawers, relieved to find a bobby pin and he ran back to Michael's room. He jiggled it in the opening, breath hitching as it unlocked and he opened the door.

All the color drained from Luke's face. His heart dropped, eyes going dark as they filled with tears and his body began trembling. Luke put his hand over his mouth to stifle a scream and knees buckled, collapsing on the ground as a sobbed escaped his lips after seeing the most horrendous sight in front of him. 

One he will never forget and one he wants to erase forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry


	46. Chapter 46

Lights were flashing, Luke grabbed by an officer who was nice, short and smelled like cinnamon. Her words went through one ear and out the other, Luke's eyes immediately closing and looking away as he covered his face. He couldn't watch the scene in front of him and was dragged away from the room.

He could hear Michael's aunt running in the house, her horrified gasp and her cries. He could hear it all and he couldn't believe this was happening. He walked out slowly, tightening his arms around himself and nearly fell over when he saw his friend being rushed into an ambulance.

It was like everything went in slow motion and Luke was in shock with tears falling down his cheeks nonstop. He didn't listen to the officers or doctors, he just couldn't. He couldn't do anything. His mind was off, heart shatterd and just — he wasn't okay at all.

The images wouldn't leave his mind. The blood, the rope, the dangling feet over a chair that was kicked. Luke kept wincing, clenching his fists in his hair as he sat curled up in a hopsital chair. He couldn't stop the mental scene playing in his head and was sobbing quietly in the waiting area.

Luke was shaking, his face pale and he just wasn't okay. His body was trembling, his heart repeatedly breaking as the images wouldn't leave his mind. He felt so sick. He even threw up after calling the paramedics. He was horrified, scarred for life and there was an aching feeling in his body.

People were staring at him an unlike last time, it wasn't because he was gay and cuddled with Ashton. This time, he's alone and cold and sad and broken and — why? Luke didn't understand. He couldn't believe this was happening. That Michael could do that. It was obviously planned.

Luke sniffled, burying his face in his hands. God, it was planned. Michael had to have planned it. He had to have screwed a hook in the ceiling or else...Luke just couldn't think of it. It wasn't there before. Michael put thought into this. But, for how long? Was it just a couple days? Did he plan it for weeks? Months? He couldn't understand.

But, Luke leaned back in a chair causing his body to go sore and numb from how long he's sat there. He swallowed a lump in his throat and shook his head slowly. Because, he thought back to when he attempted. If Luke would have stayed in the garage for a couple more minutes, Michael or Calum would be the one in is position and the thought made him feel so much more shattered.

Luke noticed slowly as hours passed that people were coming and going. Their figures in the halls were a blurr, his eyes teary and he felt like he was in a room of darkenss and depression. His teeth digging in his bottom lip to hold back sounds of sadness and he was alone.

He could feel his phone repeatedly vibrating in his pants pocket, but he couldn't bother to answer it. It felt like everything was up to him. Because, the doctor was soon walking down the hall and Luke didn't want to hear it. He shakily stood up and he stepped back, shaking his head when seeing Michael's aunt rushing down the hall with a hand over her mouth and tears filling her eyes.

The doctor went over to Luke and the blonde kept whispering 'no' repeatedly. Hearing this, the doctor just nodded and he was talking and Luke wasn't listen. He didn't want to. He pressed his lips in a tight line, them trembling and his chest was tight and hands in a fist as he ran. Because, that's all he could do.

He lost his best friend.

Luke ran and ran and he didn't stop. He left his best friend in the hospital. He left his dead friend in the hospital. But, Michael left him as well. He ran more, legs going weak and the chilled air hitting his face as he jogged across the street, not looking both ways, because he had no reason to be careful. To be cautious anymore.

And, finally he came to a stop. Luke slowed down his pace, breath heavy and eyes pouring out tears non-stop. He looked at the treehouse for the club and he hesitated before he climbed up until he was inside. He wiped his runny nose, shivering and scooted over to Michael's beanbag.

Luke rubbed his eyes harshly, then grabbed the beanbag and he let out a scream into it before his body wracked with sobs. His eyes were bloodshot, glassy and he couldn't stop crying. He just felt so lost and abandoned. A part of him was gone and he couldn't fathom how he could even go on. Not without the most important person in his life.

However, Luke sniffled and he noticed something. He slowly sat up and saw a book on the ground. The boy reached over and saw it was 'The Outsiders'. He furrowed his eyebrows, gulping when he looked around suspiciously. Michael had this book earlier that day and now it's in the treehouse.

He slowly opened it and eyes widened when seeing small envelopes inside. His breath hitched, slamming the book shut when he saw the first one had his name written on it with Michael's very recognizable handwriting. He closed his eyes for a moment and knew right away it was a suicide note. One of what seemed to be four. His, Ashton's, Calum's and his aunt's.

At first, Luke didn't think he could handle it. He stared at the letter with a grim look on his face. He wiped his damp cheeks and inhaled sharply when opening the envelope. He took a second and then unfolded the later, already wanting to stop reading when seeing sloppy words written as if Michael was rushing to write. But, he read anyways.

Dear Lukey,

I knew you would be the one to find me. Something told me you would, and I guess it's true. I don't know how to even start this. There's so many things I want to say — that I want to tell you before I'm gone. The sad part of it all is that..I had my goodbye with Ashton and Calum. But, not with you.

Why, you ask?

Because, you're Luke Robert Hemmings.

You're my first everything.

You were my first crush, my first love (despite it not being romantically), my first kiss, my first time, my first best friend — you're my everything. And, I love Calum. A lot. But, you were just always my number one. Just, don't tell him that. Cause, I don't like seeing him sad.

Um, I don't really know what to say. I never thought I would be writing this. I guess I should just explain it all. I know you're probably so mad at me. You're probably not even crying. Why would you? I just left you. But, you deserve an explanation. Please tell the others, so that I don't have to write it so many times. My hand hurts writing this.

Everyone assumed I was getting better, that I wanted to get help ever since Ashton showed my weight. But, the numbers don't matter anymore. I realized, even if I technically was skinny, I will always be fat mentally. I'm not happy. I smile, I laugh, I look happy — but, I'm not.

I never will be and that's just the truth. It's not because you guys aren't enough, it's because I'm just not. I'm not the type of person who can be happy. I had moments when I felt at home (with you and Ashton and Calum) but, at the end of the day, I was always upset.

I was just a boy, who didn't eat, who felt like an obese person and I didn't like it. I had my fun. But, five years of being depressed, missing my parents and crying myself to sleep just isn't worth it. I feel so alone? Like, I don't belong in this world. I'm not happy here.

I love you.

You were one of the many reasons I almost stopped myself. But, in the end, aren't we suppose to do what makes us happy? Me leaving the world I'm suffering in is what makes me happy. Don't cry, Luke. Please, don't. I'm not worth any tears. You know i hate seeing you cry. It makes me sad and you hate me sad, right?

It's no use for me. Why should I hold on and pull through a life I don't want to live in? Just, know this is what I want. You said you would always support me and love me. So, I need you to do something for me. It's my one wish and I need you to help me with something.

Take care of yourself. You deserve everything in the world and you need to stop smoking. You need to stop cheating on Ashton. You need to bethe strong, brave, idolizing soldier I know you are. You're my hero. I will forever and ever love you and, I hope you live a wonderful life and if you need me, I'm always there. Maybe not physically, but I'm there. I hope you understand.

I'm sorry,

Goodbye Lukey x

A wave of emotions hit Luke far too fast that he soon was numb with the letter in his hands. He stared at the words that went in one ear and out the other. Luke didn't even know how to take all of this. He felt so many things that they all disappeared and reappeared and he was lost in thought.

However, a loud thunder was heard and he winced. He slowly sat up,hearing the loud pitter patter of rain on the roof of the treehouse. Luke grabbed the book and he tucked it in his jacket, pulling his hood over his head. He kept an arm secure around the jacket to hold the book in place and riskily used one hand to climb down the tree.

Luke's shoes pounded heavily as he ran home, the house not too far away. Rain poured on him, flashes of lightning seen and he peered his head down to avoid getting to drenched. Not that he cared. Because, his new jeans were splattered with mud and he just didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore.

By the time he got home, he was done crying. But, his heart longed for a warm hug from Michael. His body toasting Luke up like a microwave and he he couldn't stop thinking about him. His bright smile, his shy green eyes, his cute nose and his loving personality. Why would such a happy person be so sad? It wasn't fair.

Before he could think anymore, the door opened and he froze when Mr.Hood stood there with a glare on his face. He exclaimed, gripping Luke's arm (lightly) and tugging him inside from the rain. The man said with a look of disbelief,"Where the hell were you? Where's your car?"

Luke opened his mouth and closed it repeatedly. He was too hurt to speak. His voice wasn't working, wet clothes clinging to his body, damp hair falling in front of his face. He shivered from the cold house, blinking repeatedly and just shook his head as he went upstairs.

He heard Mr.Hood calling his name, but Luke just clenched his eyes shut and went to his room. But, then he was in for trouble when he saw Calum pacing with his phone in his hand. Luke halted, their eyes meeting and Calum looked so relieved. More relieved than he should be.

He asked hastily,"Where's Michael? Why isn't he picking up his phone? Did he leave already?" Luke just stared at him, heart aching at he sound of the boy's name. Calum frowned and said in anger,"Luke, c'mon! Where is he? Oh god, he left didn't he? I never got to say goodbye!"

"I didn't either," Luke replied weakly, arms wrapping around his body. 

A look of confusion crossed his face,"What? I don't understand. Ugh, I'm just gonna text him. He should have his phone? I think. Or maybe his aunt does and she can give me the number to the inpatient care. I don't get it. Why would he leave without saying goodbye?"

Luke's bottom lip trembled an he walked over to Calum. He grabbed the phone from Calum's hand, much to the other boy's confused. Then, Luke tried to say with a stern yet soft voice,because there's no other way to tell this to someone,"M-Michael...he...Calum, he isn't — he."

"What? Luke, you're scaring me. Is he in the hospital again?" Luke looked down. Calum's breath hitched,"Oh my god, did he faint again? Why didn't you tell me, you selfish asshole! He's my boyfriend!"

As Calum rushed to the door, Luke grabbed his hand and tugged him back as he said as quick yet enunciated as possible,"He — He hung himself, fuck, he...died. Calum, M-Mikey died. He fucking kill himself. He's gone." Luke's voice was weak, his eyes staring right into Calum's brown ones. "H-He left us."

The room went dead silent. The rain heard outside and Calum stared at Luke with the most blank and stiff expression ever. His hand was limp in Lukes. The blonde looked at him cautiously, not sure if Calum would faint. He shook his head and roughly snatched his arm away from Luke.

"You're lying," Calum said forcefully, but Luke could see the hope in his eyes. The only saying to tell him he's lying. However, he's not and Calum knew this. "He wouldn't — he's okay. He was just getting better. He's fine. H-He's fine, Luke. He wouldn't leave me like that. I saw him. This morning, he ... he was happy."

"He wasn't," Luke retorted.

Calum glared at him," He was! He was smiling and he told me he loves me and he was fine! He just talked to Ashton, he was going to get better! He's not dead!"

"He is." 

Luke saw Calum angrily going towards the door and Luke grabbed onto his arm, but Calum shoved him away. He shouted, tears brimming his eyes,"Don't touch me! You're lying! Michael's not dead! He's — He's getting better, he's just away for a little. He'll be back."

"He won't, Calum! He left," Luke raised his voice, fed up with having to repeat the horrible words. He hesitated, seeing Calum's panicked expression. Luke gulped and he added hesitantly,"He's gone, yeah? He...he's gone. But, um, it'll be okay. It's gonna be okay."

"What? It's gonna be okay?!" Calum asked incredudously. His hands turned into fists and his anger rising. He couldn't believe Luke would say that.

But, the blonde muttered out unsurely,"I-I don't know what to say."

"Say it's our faults! Say we failed him!" Calum exclaimed, so loudly that Luke stumbled back at his voice. "You and me, and —and Ashton!"

"Me?" Luke was stunned, hurt by the blame put on him.

"You've known him the longest, you should have noticed!" Calum argued, stalking over to Luke until his back was pressed against the wall. Luke's heart pounded in his chest as Calum continued to say with his shout,"You should have done something, you did nothing! You never helped him! W-We never helped him."

Luke's breath stilled, staring at the boy and he felt his heartstrings tug as a spot hit home. How he knew Calum was right. That he should have noticed his best friend was hurting inside. He felt intimated at Calum, seeing the boy slowly step away and Luke stayed where he was, wondering if he was going to yell at him. If he really thought that.

However, his voice cracked at the end of his rant, tugging at his hair as his body began to tremble. Luke heard him mumbling how it was his fault and Luke's fault and he saw Calum standing in the corner of the room, hearing his sharp intakes of breath. His small gasps of breaths and gave him a minute.

Because, this isn't going to be something you just get over. He reached over for Calum after a minute, but Calum turned sharply, stalking over to the other side of the room and grabbing a chair. Luke's eyes widened, hands covering his ears and gaping when Calum threw the chair, the mirror shattering and he rushed over to where Calum was throwing random things, not even crying, just shouting things that Luke couldn't make out.

There were footsteps heard trampling up the steps and Luke was trying to calm Calum down, but the boy was shoving him away, his hand scraping across some of the broken mirror pieces, drawing blood from his split skin. His dad and mum ran in the room, horrified at the sight of the room and their son bleeding yet not caring about his own safety.

His dad went to help him, but Calum wasn't having any of it. His body was tense and he struggled against his dad's grip. Luke was backing away, flashbacks to him and his dad once being in the same scene, only opposite. His mind was spinning, his vision blurry and he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Luke's head shot up, seeing Mrs.Hood looking at him in concern. Luke saw Calum was bear-hugged by his dad and trying to escape the grip. But, soon slumped in it and he didn't cry. He just seemed numb. His breathing heavy, his hands clenching onto his dad lightly and eyes staring straight ahead.

Mrs. Hood wrapped an arm around Luke, looking at him questioning and he knew the look. It was the 'what happened?' look and he chewed on his bottom lip. He didn't want to say it. Every time he said it, he felt it become more real. And, he looked at the Malum bear on Calum's bed. A sign that Michael planned it. Because, he wouldn't have left it otherwise. He then turned to Mrs. Hood and told her the truth.

"We lost a misfit."

-

"Losing one of our own students has a serious impact on others. Over the weekend, one of our fellow students has passed. If you or anyone you know would like to talk to a counselor, please don't hesitate to do so. There are a team of people we have here today to get you and friends through this rough time. Now, we would like to have a moment of silence in regards to Michael Clifford. You will be missed."

The room went silent as the announcement was over, Calum sat in the back of the class. His eyes staring ahead, his hand gripping pencil and he blinked. People were glancing back at him, probably because they knew he dated Michael. Dated. Past-tense. Meaning he was no longer with him.

When the moment ended, class went on. Because, people only care for a short period of time. People cry when someone they know dies. They become sad and depressed and then it's over. Almost like when you eat. You enjoy the food, you miss the taste and then once the lingering left over flavor is gone, you forget about it.

Not a tear has shed since he was told the news. However, over the weekend, he heard Luke crying himself to sleep. No one told Ashton yet. Luke was going to break the news after school. He couldn't be there for him.He didn't want to hear it again. He's heard it enough times.

His parents suggested he went to therapy to talk about how he feels. That he let out his emotions in a non-violent way. Because, he's broken many things in the past few days. Calum didn't know how to feel anymore. He kept looking at the envelope he had and he kept trying not to open it. He didn't want to read it.

When school went on, many people were trying to talk to him and ask him how he was. It's funny. A lot of people hated Calum since he came out and changed his group of friends, yet, once his boyfriend commits suicide, it's like everyone suddenly feels bad for him.

He nearly scoffed and went down the hall with a blank expression on his face. He kept his eyes darted to his dingy and worn-out sneakers. He didn't bother trying to look nice. He just headed to lunch and wanted the day over with. He saw Maya looking towards him with watery eyes, probably having heard the news.

Why is she crying? She didn't know him. They only spoke a couple times. He shook his head as her body turning as if she wanted to talk to him, but Calum didn't want to talk. He rushed away, turning to the boys locker room and he decided this time he would skip lunch. No one would miss him anyways.

Calum leaned against the door, taking a shaky breath and ran his hands over his face. He slump against the wall and shook his head slowly. He didn't know what to do anymore. He closed his eyes, a pair of pretty green ones coming into view and he opened his eyes slowly, feeling the tears on his lashes, but held them back. He wasn't going to cry.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang and Calum jumped up as he stumbled back when the door opened. His eyebrows furrowed and he saw his old friend (sort of) walking in with a varsity jacket on. Garrett gave Calum a timid smile and shut the door behind, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

A confused look showed on Calum's face as he asked suspiciously,"What are you doing here?"

"I um, I heard about your...boyfriend," Garrett forced out, awkwardly looking away. "Listen, I...I'm sorry you have to go through that. He seemed...okay."

"You're a piece of shit," Calum snarled, narrowing his eyes at the guy. "You bullied him constantly. You ridiculed him and you always made fun of him. Just cause he's gone and killed himself doesn't mean you can go around and act all innocent! Part of the reason he's gone is probably cause of you!"

Garrett flinched, nodding slowly and he let out a shaky breath,"I — I know, okay? I'm sorry. I didn't think he would ever — he didn't seem...I mean, he did, but — I don't know. I'm just so sorry. I don't care if you forgive me. I just saw you walking in and I thought that I should...give this back."

At first Calum was confused, not sure if he should talk whatever Garrett was giving him. But, his eyes widened and heart dropped when he saw a familiar, small plush teddy bear being pulled out of Garrett's bag on his back. The guy handed the stuffed lion over with guilt.

Calum stared at it for quite some time. He felt a lump forming in his throat and his heart was clutching, his lips parted as if wanting to yell at Garrett for taking the bear. He remembered how sad and hurt Michael was. How he thought he lost it and kept insisting he had brought it to school. But, none of them believed him.

Finally, Calum snatched the teddy bear and he glared at Garrett with anger. He wanted to snap his neck. To shove him and kick him and punch him. For making Michael cry and feel sad. But, he just turned and sat on the bench. He heard Garrett sigh and soon there was a click of the door closing. Calum looked at the bear in his hands that was old and raggedy.

And it was like everything suddenly fell on his shoulders. All the memories soon flashed in his mind and he clenched his eyes shut, holding the bear close to his heart and burying his face in it. Remembering when Michael first spoke to him, asking him to join the club from remembering just a couple days ago when he last spoke to him.

From 'w-wait' and 'c-come back' to 'I love you.'

Suddenly, everything made sense. Because, he thought back to when he last saw Michael. He kept saying his aunt was driving him and that he was going to therapy, but the strange part is that Michael didn't say goodbye. When Calum said 'see you soon', Michael looked so sad and just nodded. He didn't reply and Michael usually would to that.

He suddenly looked down at the lion, Daniel, in his arms. The raggedy teddy bear Michael would never leave out of his sight. He smiled weakly, thinking back to how shy and insecure Michael was. He didn't change much. That explained everything. He never got better at feeling insecure, he just got better at hiding it.

Calum ran a hand through his hair and he hesitated. He grabbed his bag and he took out the envelope. His heart fluttered when seeing a heart next to his name. He opened it and took out the folded paper, opening it and took a breath. He paused, then soon read over the letter addressed to him.

Dear my boyfriend,

You are my boyfriend.

Calum paused and he chuckled half-heartedly, unsure if he could continue. Because, he's only three words in and yet he can't handle the pain in his heart. However, he pulled himself through and he was strong. He can handle a measly letter. Even if it's from is, now dead, boyfriend.

You're my boyfriend and always will be. Even if I'm not yours anymore.

I wrote each boy a letter. I wrote one for Ashton and I wrote one for Luke. I wrote one for my aunt, who I never talk to. Yet, yours was the hardest to write. I wrote it a million times and the words just wouldn't come out right no matter how many times I wrote it. So, I'll just start off simple. Typical me, huh?

I love you a lot. I will always love you. Ever since you walked into the S.O.S club, I was so drawn to you. I think I had a love-at-first-sight thing. Because, I never talk to anyone. But, when I saw you, I just had to get your attention. And, the only way I could do that was by speaking.

You have become my inspiration. Even dead, I look up to you. Because, you have become the most sweet, romantic and blunt person I ever met. You make me so happy and you make my tummy fill with butterflies just by thinking of you. You just know how to make me laugh and open up. How to be stronger.

You were the reason I even tried getting better. Without you, I probably would have wasted away if Luke wasn't in the picture. I just never wanted to get better. That was, until I met you. Because, despite never feeling beautiful, you made me feel happy and that was amazing for a while.

But, Calum, I can't live a life where I'm unhappy. Because of that, I needed to leave. I couldn't say goodbye. I knew you would try to stop me. I had to lie to you, because that's the only way I could leave. I don't know if this will effect you much, but you will get through it eventually.

I want you to forget me.

I'm gone and the only way you can be happy is if you forgot about me. Our relationship is one that could make it in the movies. It's a beautiful story with a tragic ending and I don't want you to have a sad one, okay? I want you to be as happy as can be and I want you to do something, if you don't mind.

I want you to find a boy or a girl and I want you to love them like you loved me. I want you to find someone else that isn't going to break your heart. I don't think we were meant to be together. If we were, I would have been happy. And, trust me when I say I was so happy with you.

Our relationship was the only thing that ever made me happy, though. And, that's not okay. I can't just be happy with you, you know? Because, you could have went to war, went to be a singer on tour, went to be a business man who had to go away a lot. I wouldn't have been able to live with you being gone so much.

So, please find someone who won't take up so much of your time and thoughts. You deserve nothing but the best just like the boys and you need someone who can make you smile. Maybe have five kids for me? I always wanted five kids. Can you name one Michael? It's okay if you don't want to.

I love you, Calum.

I will forever have you in my mind, heart and life. You were the most beautiful person I ever met and I don't regret a minute of being with you. Thank you for giving me a chance to meet my idol. For showing me true love. For making me smile, laugh and cry. Because, even if you made me cry, it just proved how much you meant to me. Hugs and kisses, my love.

Your Kitten,

Mikey xoxo

A tear dropped on the paper, smearing the ink and Calum closed his eyes. For the past few days, he held it in. He didn't want to cry. Because, when people cry, they let it out. When they let it out, they feel better. And, when they feel better, they are happy. And when they're happy, they forget what makes them sad. He didn't want to forget Michael.

But, there was a tightening in his throat and a short intake of breath. He tried holding back, he kept trying to ignore everything. Not any more though, because he couldn't stay strong anymore. The vision of Michael's smiling face began to swim in front of him, memories resurfacing as tears welled from deep inside and coursed down his cheeks. 

He let out a small sob, hurt and in pain emotionally. He clung onto the lion named Daniel, the one revisited from the past and he shook his head in denial. He couldn't think or believe his boyfriend had left him. But, as he sat in the locker room with his sobs echoing the room, he had Michael's lion and Calum lost his own.

Not too far away, Luke was home. He couldn't make it through school. He had been given make-up work that Mrs.Hood picked up on her way to work. He was given time off due to 'family death' which is technically true. He just wasn't strong enough to go and make it through the day.

He had laid in bed all weekend. Literally. He never left the room. He was always in sweats and a t-shirt that was dingy and probably smelled musky now. His hair wasn't brushed and just under a beanie, his eyes always red-rimmed and puffy because Luke wasn't able to stop crying.

He felt so weak for constantly crying. He knew Michael wouldn't want this. Honestly, he should be happy. Because, Michael wasn't happy alive and it wasn't fair to make him suffer just to make them happy. But, was it fair for Michael to be happy while they suffer? In the end, it's like no one would win.

The worst part of it all was that he needed to tell Ashton. He felt so guilty for not telling him right away. But, it's hard for Luke. Mr. and Mrs.Hood offered to tell him, but he knew it wouldn't feel right that way. Michael wanted Luke to tell Ashton and that's what he had to do.

It was hard to even get the Skype going, because he had no idea how to get Ashton to call. He wondered if he should outright say it or if he should just say hi and have a small conversation? But, that would be rude and you can't casually bring up a friend dying like that.

But, soon enough, he knew blunt was the way to go. So, Luke had texted Ashton and didn't beat around the bush as he said 'i have something important to tell you, love x :( please Skype?' and Ashton didn't give any time until he quickly replied with an 'of course' and Luke grabbed the laptop.

He scooted back till his back was to the wall and he nervously waited for the call to come. He couldn't believe he had to do this. That he needed to repeat the words again. Ashton already had so much shit going on. He just got over Bradley, for christ's sake. He didn't need another suicide death in his life.

However, the call showed up and Luke reluctantly clicked answer. Ashton's nervous face was on the screen and he was dressed in a sleeveless shirt and had his fringe hair in his face, glasses on. He frowned and Luke glanced down at his fiddling fingers at loss of words.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Ashton asked quietly, staring at him with a scared expression. "Please, don't tell me you cheated again. No more chances, remember?"

"I didn't cheat, bug," Luke gulped slowly, trying to will himself to say it. He looked at Ashton in the camera and he ran a hand through his hair. "Baby, I...I don't know how to—I just. Michael..he..."

It didn't even need to be said, because Ashton's entire face fell. He shook his head and he pleaded,"No, don't tell me — I can't. Not again. Oh my god, please tell me this is some sick joke, Lukey. P-Please."

"I can't tell you that," Luke whispered, seeing his boyfriend's eyes well up with tears. "He—He hung himself. Left us some notes...his-his funeral is this weekend. I—I don't think I can go to it, though. I can't...he was my best friend. I love him so much, bug. I —I miss him so much."

Ashton saw the tears streaming and he felt his own match his boyfriend's. Ashton sniffled and rubbed his fists on his eyes as he exclaimed,"Why? I —I don't understand. We just started being friends! I—I can't lose someone else! I lost Bradley, I can't lose Mikey! He's the sweetest person — he didn't deserve this!"

Neither spoke after that, because both knew why. They just needed to say it. To vent and soon the two boyfriend's sat on their beds, their laptops in their laps and they looked at each other, both crying. They cried together over the loss of their friend and Ashton nor Luke spoke.

They stayed on Skype all night. Luke had his earbuds in by the time Calum was home and he just didn't want Ashton to relapse. He couldn't lose another person in his life. He also didn't want to sleep and Calum ended up joining his friends on Skype with the Malum bear along with Daniel, because his insomnia started getting worse once again.

The three boys all stayed together, trying to get through this. It was nearly impossible, though. They all had their problems acting up again and it wasn't Michael's fault. They could never blame him. His intentions were for the best in his mind and they just had another bump in the road. This one just happened to be the size of a mountain.

All the misfits left were hurt by this. Ashton had to deal with another loss from suicide. Another failed attempt to save someone. Luke lost the only family he had left. And, Calum lost the most important person in his life. The one who showed him true love and the three had to be there for each other. Starting with the funeral.


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please do not be offended about what I wrote about funerals/religion/etc. Some things I wrote I agree with, some I don't. I'm speaking for the characters, what I have their minds formed to think. Just wanted to warn you so I didn't offend anyone!

It was so hard for Ashton to even comprehend what he was told. After he cried, he was just numb. He didn't go anywhere. He stayed in his dorm room all day and he stared ahead. He stared and stared until his eyes were going dry from the air, stinging slightly and he was forced to break the stare.

He was lost.

Life was already a pain for him. All the pressure, the fact that his parents are disowning him once he's eighteen, how his boyfriend is depressed at the moment and he can't help, his best friend is probably the most heartbroken. He didn't know what to do anymore.

It was like a repeat of his life before he started self-harming. He lost someone from suicide. Someone who had anorexia. He thought he helped Michael. That the boy was getting better. He thought he finally did something right. He already failed Bradley, and now he failed his best friend's boyfriend and boyfriend's best friend.

It was like Ashton felt as though it was his job to make Michael better. And, because Michael committed, he failed. It was proof that Ashton was nothing but a failure. His friend left the world. He wasn't good enough for him to stay. Neither were Luke and Calum.

Ashton was breathing shakily, having trouble catching his breath. He felt so hurt and lost. He buried his face in his pillow, sniffling and crying silently. He clung onto the pillow with a frown on his face. He didn't feel like life was worth it at the moment. All the pain was getting to be too much.

But, then again, he couldn't off himself as well. He couldn't hurt his friends like that and Ashton didn't want to do. He also didn't want to be alive at the moment. How can he be happy when the sweetest person on earth was no longer alive? Michael should be the one living and getting through the troubles of life.

Sadly, it seemed like Michael was too weak to handle it. He wasn't insulting the boy, he knew there were many reasons Michael left, but still. Ashton was hurt and he couldn't bare to think about how much pain Michael was in. Because, he hung himself and he knew it either is an automatic death or a fast, but painful one.

His eyes then widened, placing a hand over his mouth when he realized Luke saw it. He went through the pain of seeing his best friend hanging from a rope? Ashton's eyes watered, shaking his head slowly. He saw Bradley as well. Most would joke that him and Luke are meant to be since they both saw this, but it's never okay to joke about suicide.

However, despite Ashton being depressed all over again (did it ever stop?), he knew he had to help both Calum and Luke. He's been in both their positions for once. For Calum, he and the boy both lost someone they loved from suicide. For Luke, they both were ones to find someone they care about dead and hanging.

He didn't know how he could help, but he had experience with this. As much as he was in pain, someone had to bring light to such a dark situation. The funeral was in two days and he had to make Luke go. He knew Luke would thank him in the end, the only problem is Ashton had no way to get to the funeral.

Then, there's also the problem that he was sat in the bathroom with his arms full of cuts he couldn't help but make. He sighed shakily, licking his dry lips and reached over for the toilet paper. He damped it, lightly wiping his cuts till the blood suppressed and he placed bandaids over them.

It was a routine he shouldn't have.

It's been - no wait, it hasn't. He did cut recently. He even told Calum. But, still. He was hoping to not do it again. However, with the pain of losing someone so close, he couldn't help but feel sad. Because, Michael was an angel. An adorable, huggable angel that shouldn't be a real one.

The saddest part was that Ashton felt like he missed out on a lot with Michael. He regrets not getting to know him more. He was always so jealous of Michael that he never took the time to become closer with him. Now, he had no way to get to know Michael anymore.

Just as they started becoming best friends, Michael's gone. Ashton shouldn't think of it that way, but it's true. He lost someone just when he was starting to become attached. He always loved and cared for Michael, but it was different and he can't do anything about it now.

Ashton sighed and he heard his the door open. The boy quickly wiped his face and patted it dry with a towel and saw his roommate walk in. Nate furrowed his eyebrows in confusion when seeing an empty room, but then he grinned and walked over to Ashton with a timid expression.

He was aware of Ashton's loss. Of course he was. He had to deal with the talking on Skype all night. When he was told what happened, he felt so bad. Luke got to meet him, though. Considering he heard a guy in Ashton's room and deserved an explanation. Nate didn't say much, though. He wasn't good with people dying, never knowing what to say.

Nate glanced at Ashton's arm and asked cautiously,"Um, what were you doing in there?"

"Nothing."

"Oh really?" Ashton nodded and Nate snorted. "And, that's why you took so long? Cause, I was knocking and no one answered and I had to find my key."

"I was taking a shit."

Nate's cheeks flushed red and then he roughly smacked Ashton's arm. He snapped,"That's not funny, Ashton. We're you - cause, I just. I care about you, yeah? We just met a couple weeks ago, but you're like my little brother I never had. And, I know you're life sucks right now, but you...can't do that."

Ashton frowned as he gulped slowly. He's never shown anyone his cuts. Not except the boys and his parents out of anger. Pictures did get leaked, but that's not the same. He didn't want Nate to know. Because, Nate was basically his freezone from his self-harm.

However, he saw genuine concern in Nate's eyes. He slowly pulled up his sleeve tugged down moments ago. He glanced down in shame and peeled off one of the bandaids, hearing Nate's breath hitch. He remembered showing Luke his marks and the scene was so different.

Ashton's grown accepting of his self-harm and showing people the marks just made him want to stop more and more. Because, he didn't like seeing how sad people were when seeing them. Which is why he whispered quietly, telling his new friend,"I...I'm just really sad. And, Michael...doing that reminded me of my ex-boyfriend. Cause, I didn't get to save him and now I didn't save Michael."

There was a silence and Nate looked down at Ashton from his 6'2 height, only an inch shorter than Luke. He went to the drawers, grabbing some ointment and led Ashton to sit on the bed. He grimaced at the marks on his arm that were fresh and red. As he put the ointment on, Ashton was sniffling and Nate told Ashton something he never heard before.

"It's not your job to save anyone except yourself."

Ashton shook his head,"But, he's my friend. I couldn't - I didn't want to let him down and I did."

"And just like I said. No one can save anyone. We're human, Ashton. We're not superheroes. Life isn't a movie and not everyone is happy and can turn happy just by meeting and making new friends. We live, we laugh, we cry and we die. It's the way life works. He...He obviously wasn't happy and you tried and that's all that mattered," Nate looked at Ashton with a sympathetic expression and patted his thigh friendly.

With that said, Nate didn't hesitate to get up and go to the bathroom. Ashton heard a flush and he winced, knowing Nate just flushed his razors. He saw Nate walk out with some of his razors and frowned when the guy went around the room to grab anything that can be harmful to Ashton and be used as a self-harm tool.

It seemed drastic, but Ashton understood. He was thankful Calum had flushed his razors, because even though he was mad, he knew it had to be done. In the end, that actually helped. So, he flinched and saw Nate taking the items and placing them in a small box he had that was locked. It was like a diary box, only it had his special photos of family and his girlfriend in them.

Ashton thanked him and Nate just shrugged. He was such a nice person. Too bad he's straight and Ashton loves Luke too much to cheat. He just liked having a friend that was there for him. It was hard living away from everyone and everything he knew. All he felt was depression when in Melbourne.

Suddenly, there was a familiar ringtone and Ashton got up. He grabbed his phone and furrowed his eyebrows when seeing it was Calum. Nate just nodded and left the room to give him some privacy. Ashton's heartached as he answered, hoping it wasn't more bad news, if possible.

Much to his relief, Calum just said with a croaky voice,"Hey, buddy, how are you?"

"M'okay," Ashton replied quietly. He sat down and laid his head back on his pillow. Ashton grabbed the sweater he stole from Luke and nonchalantly snuggled it to his chest.He missed the warmth of Luke's body pressed to his.

As if reading his mind, Calum questioned,"Do you think you could come down for the...funeral? My dad said he would pay for a flight here and back. We just - it would be better to have you there. It would be easier."

Ashton's eyes widened, sitting up slowly. He felt his heart sink at the word and flashbacks to Bradley's funeral replayed in his mind. He was just a kid when he went. He barely understood any of it. Surely he was a teenager, but he was so young and it was emotional for him.

Since that funeral, he never wanted to go to one ever again. It hurt to think about and Ashton was just a mess imagining Michael...dead. To actually see his body in a coffin and have people crying around him, mourning of someone he practically saw everyday and had to ability to help.

But, he heard Calum's tone. The pleading and begging of his voice. How he was so broken. He can tell just over the phone. He remembered Calum's expression when they Skyped. He wasn't okay and he needs his friend. So does Luke. They need each other and he had to go, even if it was going to be painful to see everything.

So, he told him timidly,"Okay, what time is the flight?"

-

It wasn't how Calum pictured his boyfriend's funeral. Honestly, he never pictured it in general. But, this wasn't okay. If he ever imagined a funeral for Michael, it would be bright and happy and have memories of the happy times. Not dark and all black with depressing songs playing as people chatted about the boy.

Calum was in a black suit, having his hair brushed neatly and eyes staring at the ground. He was in the corner, unable to speak because if he did, tears would fall. He could see Luke and Ashton kissing softly (appropriate for a funeral) and hugging each other. They really missed one another.

However, it wasn't right. They haven't seen each other in nearly a month. When they picked Ashton up at the airport, usually he would have jumped into Luke's arms and made out with him. But, the death of their beloved friend made the reunion sad and Ashton had just hugged his boyfriend tightly, the two crying and saying they missed each other.

When the pastor had begun saying some prayer of sorts, Calum was slightly upset over this. He and Michael never talked about religion. But, considering Michael's way of thinking and how he comes off as a person, he's pretty sure his boyfriend isn't religious. He even saw Luke looking down and just sighed.

This is a day for Michael and yet, nothing felt like Michael.

He knew funerals were more about the people attending, but these people didn't see to care about Michael. He saw Daniel, Michael's friend not the bear, in the corner with a frown on his face as well. Luke had told him about what happened, and he was probably the only other person that cared for the boy.

Despite funerals being for the living, they're also to remember the passing. It's about Michael and what he did for people and how amazing and beautiful he is. The picture they had up wasn't one showing Mikey, the misfit and kitten he truly was. It was Michael Clifford. Which isn't who he truly is.

A look formed on Calum's face and he shook his head. He wanted to spend the day celebrating Michael's life, not crying over it. He licked his lips slowly and glanced at the couple behind him. A glint formed in his eyes, an idea forming in his head and he tugged the boy's, forming a small circle and began whispering to them.

The idea wasn't random, actually. He had been thinking off this for the past couple days and it just felt right. He grinned and the three stayed quiet for the rest of the service. That was, until it was time the pastor stopped talking. His blank expression showing no emotion, as if he didn't care a person died and he was speaking of them.

He spoke and said,"Now, it is time for a close friend of Michael's to speak."

He motioned for Calum to come up and Calum held back a glare. He wanted to say 'boyfriend', but they're in church and church sometimes isn't accepting of the LGBT community. He wanted this about Michael, not their relationship. Which is why he simply gestured for Ashton and Luke to step up with him.

The man seemed confused and Calum hesitated. He glanced at the band, which were prepared to sing later in the serve. But, instead, Calum turned to the pastor, saying with his puppy eyes and pleading look,"Sir, if I may, me and my friends...we wanted to sing a song that reminded us of Michael."

"Of course," He nodded respectfully and stepped back with his hands clasped in front of him.

The three boys all nervously looked at each other. Ashton went over to the band, speaking to them quickly. They seemed hesitant, probably cause of the weird song choice. But, they nodded and thankfully knew the song. Calum handed each other a microphone that were given to them.

He knew the song was weird. He knew people wouldn't understand why he chose it and why it was being sang. But, it was a Michael song. Something he enjoyed and truly liked. Not something people felt was a 'funeral' song. It's a song that was one of Michael's favorites and yeah, it's weird, but Michael wasn't normal.

He was bright and sad and happy and quiet and shy and he was just - he was Michael. He loved sweaters and Ariana Grande and ice cream, though never ate it because he didn't want to be fat. He liked black, but also loved red and pink. He was obsessed with Lion King and he was the best person in the world and Calum just had to sing the song. And Luke and Ashton had to join him.

The band began playing the instruments, the music going and Calum sang quietly, not use to being in front of such a serious looking crowd,"Night and the spirit of life calling..." The two boys sang the mamela part and Calum smiled at them, seeing their blushing cheeks as he chuckled and continued,"And the voice with the fear of a child answers."

Calum glanced at Luke and nodded for him to go.Luke took a shaky breath, hoping the lyrics were right as he closed his eyes and sang with his hands both holding the microphone,"Wait. There's no mountain too great, hear these words and have faith. Have faith..."

The three all sang the chorus as one, hoping that Michael could hear them. Because, they were the last of the misfits and they just wanted him proud. "He lives in you, he lives in me...He watches over everything we see.Into the waters, into the truth. In your reflection, he lives in you."

Luke nudged Ashton and the boy shook his head. But, Luke took his hand in his and smiled weakly. Ashton nervously sang, voice shy as he sang with a hushed tone,"Dream...and the voice in the wind whispers." His voice then grew a little more confident, feeling Luke give his hand a squeeze,"Wait. There's no mountain too great. Hear these words and have faith..."

The three continued, all singing as one until the last line was given to Calum. Surprisingly, the people loved it. The song was beautiful and about someone you love looking after you when they pass. Maybe Michael was like their guardian angel now. Maybe he's just more brave in heaven.

Their eyes all prickled with tears, wondering if the movie was a sign all along. About death. Someone dying and the others growing from it. Living to their full potential. As much as they would love to live with the potential given, they would rather have Michael back.

Michael was Simba. So strong and courageous, but sometimes he just didn't understand the consequences. He never learned and it was sad, because instead of Mufasa dying, this time it as Simba. And, now Calum is a lost lion without his mate. He was hoping it would be like Lion King and Michael was just in hiding, however. He wasn't.

Because, Calum went to the coffin and his heart was pounding in his chest. A tear falling as he held back a sob when seeing the pale face was no longer pale. He knew why, he just didn't want to think about it. All he knew was that there was make up on his face and neck and he could still see the small damage that was hidden behind the layer of makeup.

Calum had nervously pulled Daniel the stuffed lion in the casket with his boyfriend. He sniffled quietly and that was it. They headed out and they did as most do for funerals. Stood back and watched as it was lowered. The three friends all held hands and Luke was surprised as Daniel, Michael's friend, placed a comforting hand on his shoulder with red-rimmed eyes and a forced smile.

When the funeral ended, it just didn't seem right. They all looked at each other as they stood outside the graveyard. The funeral had become better when they sang, but the misfits wanted something better. And, that's when Luke smiled softly and motioned for the boys to follow.

They found themselves with their suits and tuxes on, climbing up the treehouse and Calum knew where he was going with this. He chuckled a bit, seeing Luke pulling out the suitcase from where it was in the corner. He turned to them and suggested,"We need to bury it."

"Why don't we have our last meeting first?" Ashton offered with a sad smile. "I...I just think the misfits won't be misfits when one is gone. The club is four or none. We don't need the club to help each other, you know? We're all friends," He then added as his eyes darted to the blonde,"Or more. And, that's all that really matters, as cheesy as it sounds."

Calum nodded in agreement and tugged off his tie,"I agree. What's the topic for today?"

They all looked around, then silence fell as they all knew what the other was thinking. Luke took a shaky breath and stood up. They went to their beanbags, ignoring the fourth, empty one. Because, it was too hard to think about and none wanted to acknowledge it was there and none wanted to kick it away either.

Luke glanced at Ashton and he asked softly,"What's your favorite memory with Michael?"

Ashton leaned back a little, tugging off his tuxedo jacket. He glanced down and tried thinking of his few moments with Michael. All were amazing and touching. But, all were really sad and never really a good moment. He would have said the night before he died, but he had a better one.

"It's when I texted you and you weren't there. Michael read it instead," Ashton recalled with a small smile on his lips. "He was just really nice and...it's when I first really felt comfortable with me. Cause, I had a panic attack and he calmed me down and was just the sweetest person ever."

They all nodded in agreement, obviously understanding. Luke decided to go next when he saw Calum having a hard time able to find one moment,"Mine is when he first saw my dad um, hitting me. He was there for me the whole night and usually I would hold him, but he held me instead and he told me he would protect me. Which, I found adorable cause, let's face it, Michael isn't the most strong person ever."

They all chuckled and the tension eased a little. Luke wasn't referring to his eating disorder, just his true strength. His lack of athletic genes. It was hard to laugh about it all, but it was also just a good way to get through things. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

As the laughter cleared,Calum then spoke with a forced voice,"I...I think I love every moment with him. But, it's a tie between when he sang to me and when we went to the concert. Because, when he sang to me, he was so carefree and he didn't stutter and he -just, he looked so at home. But, when we went to the concert, he was dancing and laughing and he looked like he was having the time of his life."

"I-I just don't understand," Ashton said quietly. "Was he happy or was he not?"

Luke shrugged,"We don't know every moment he was sad or not. But, I think when he was with us the majority of the time and smiling, that he meant it. He was happy sometimes. But, he told me in his letter...that, he didn't like only being happy around us. That, at home, he would just feel sad and alone." Luke added,"Speaking of, here's the letter he gave you. Read it whenever, yeah?"

Ashton frowned, and took the letter, tucking it in his pocket. He related to that all too much. The loneliness at home and happiness with the boys. Much like how he felt in University. His grades were low and well, he just wasn't happy. Not at home with his parents either.

However, he didn't have a home anymore. His home was wherever now and he sighed as he got up with the other two. Calum was still sat down when Luke went over to the suitcase. Ashton saw his face buried in his hands and shoulders shaking with silent tears.

He glanced at Luke and then sat next to Calum, wrapping an arm around him. Calum moved his face from his hands and wiped his tears, going to apologize for crying. But, Ashton just shook his head. He pressed a small kiss to his cheek and Calum was surprised by the gesture, but it comforted him and he smiled thankfully.

They both heard Luke clear his throat. The three then went to the suitcase and Luke asked,"Where should we bury it, though? In Michael's backyard?"

"No," Calum said instantly. He thought back to a moment he spent with Michael. Actually, quite a few moments. "I...I have a better idea. Follow me?"

"Wait," Ashton halted them.

The two boys looked at him in confusion. But, Ashton walked over to where a small sidetable was.He grabbed the picture Michael got from Luke on Christmas of the four. He once put it there during a meeting and they instantly understood, allowing him to place it in the capsule.

Luke zipped it up and grabbed a shovel that they had saved for when they needed to bury it. After getting two smaller ones for the other two,he let the others go down first. Then, he tossed the suitcase once they were out of the way, hearing a loud 'thump' and followed after. He grabbed Ashton's hand and laced their fingers together, allowing Calum to lead them and carry the suitcase since he insisted on it.

Ashton leaned into Luke, frowning and he let out a soft sigh. Luke leaned down, pressing a kiss to his lips quickly. This made Ashton smile timidly and they nuzzled their noses before rushing to where they missed their friend take a turn.When they finally reached Calum, both of them were confused at how he was crawling under some bleachers.

They looked at each other with raised eyebrows, but shrugged and crawled under as well. Calum was sat on the dirty ground, a thoughtful look on his face. The air surrounding felt so nostalgic. He remembered first finding Michael here, a smile on his face at the memory.

However, he just sat up and took the shovel from Ashton. As he began digging, no one asked. Not yet. They just dug and trusted Calum's decision on why they were burying it there. It took a while, considering the suitcase isn't very small, but also not a huge one.

Luckily, they had a lot of freetime and just continued digging until they finally were done. Their bodies were slightly covered in dirt and it smelled like mud from the previous rain shower. But, they were relieved to have buried the suitcase, patting the dirt down.

Ashton let out a pained sound and grimaced at the splinter in his finger. He pouted and then sheepishly smiled when Luke took his hand and plucked it out with his semi-long fingernails. Long for a boy, at least. And, then he chuckled as he kissed his boyfriend with a grin on his face.

Calum couldn't help but remember when he helped Michael take out a splinter. The memory was nice and he continued patting down the dirt. He sighed and bit his bottom lip, shaking his head a little. Luke asked curiously,"Um, Calum, not to push any boundaries, but why here of all places?"

"It's Michael's place," He told them with a small breath.

Ashton knitted his eyebrows together,"His place? I don't recall him coming here."

"It's ... where he went when he wanted to be alone," Calum explained and blinked his eyes rapidly, not wanting to cry anymore. He shrugged and before anyone could speak, Calum ran a hand through his hair,"It's just his place, okay? Now, I think we should leave. It's getting late, you know?"

But, Luke said,"I...we need to say goodbye properly. I think we should say something that the club helped us with before we say goodbye. Ashton?"

He nodded and thought about it. He remembered joining the club just to be with Luke without being creepy and he smiled a little. He said softly,"The club was hard to deal with at first. But, I think in the end, it showed me being a jock doesn't mean you don't have any less of problems and it showed me how everyone is different but we're all human. I learned that we all have our own individuality, you know? And it's the best."

"I agree," Calum nodded. "I never really...understood selfharm before. I thought it was dumb and well, it still is. But,I get it now. I never got that words can really hurt someone and I realized being popular meant nothing when you don't have friends that really back you up. Joining the club made me realize what true friends are."

Ashton and Calum shared a smile with each other. Luke was happy they were friends, they were the least likely to get along and now they're inseparable. He chewed on his bottom lip, wondering what to say. He isn't sure. He doesn't know what he learned and just winged it.

"I guess, I learned that you can't help someone until you help yourself." He paused, letting his words sink in. "I always tried to push my problems away and help others, but it always backfired and just caused bigger problems. I learned from that now. Despite making all those problems, this club helped me. It showed me that we all just need to stop hiding our problems, because in the end, we're all a club of misfits who need each other."

The three grabbed each other's hands and they all took a second as the stood there and then pulled each other in a hug. They stood over where they buried the time capsule and they all embraced tightly. Letting the tears fall and they lost one, but they have each other still.

It was a long road they went down. A small hill they climbed. But, it's still not over. It's only the beginning and they all knew this. Michael leaving was probably the worst thing that could ever happen, though. It was a toll they never wanted to take, but it happened and they need to get passed it.

But, they didn't want to forget him either. Which is why they all had gotten necklaces with the letter 'M' and they matched. It was Luke's idea, of course. Being the romantic sap he is. So, if they ever need something to keep them going, they can have the necklace and always remember him and his letters.

Speaking of. The boys all began to crawl from under the bleachers and head home since it was getting dark. The funeral was in mid-day, so since the spent so much time out, they had to head home cause it was so dark. But, as Luke went to crawl under and follow Calum, he saw Ashton was still sitting there.

He asked in confusion,"You coming, bug?"

Ashton shook his head and just crawled over, giving him a quick kiss and told him,"I'll be by in a few, yeah? Just...need some time alone." Worry filled Luke's blue eyes, but Ashton kissed him once more, longingly. He promised,"I just need some time. I'll be home soon, love you."

Luke was still unsure, but he saw the honesty in Ashton's eyes hidden behind his glasses. He nodded slowly and pecked Ashton's cheek before crawling under the bleachers. Wearing tuxedos and suits weren't the best ideas considering this, but Calum's family was rich anyways.

As soon as he was gone, Ashton checked that they left and then he scooted back to the pole holding up the bleachers. He sat there for a moment and then took out the letter Luke gave him from Michael. It was neatly placed in an envelope with his name and a smiley face.

Ashton chuckled weakly and he didn't know what to expect when he took out the letter. He was scared of the negativity it might have and the sad words. He didn't know Michael well enough to have some sappy letter with tons of emotions and feelings with a heartfelt goodbye.

Or, so he thought.

Because, Ashton unfolded it with shaky hands. He saw his name and he felt a lump form in his throat. His hands clenched the paper and he looked up to hold back tears he didn't want to spill. He wasn't ready for this. But, he looked down and soon he read the letter that was probably the most beautiful thing ever.

Dear Ashton,

We never had our moments that were as special as yours with Calum and mines with Luke. We didn't have the closest friendship or the most deep conversations. We never hung out alone and had our times together. We never really fought or hugged or had anything in common.

But, I don't think you understand how much you mean to me. Despite us not having the closest friendship, I cared about you so much. Even if heaven or wherever I am, I still care about you and I always will. Because, you're one of my best friends whether you know it or not.

You are probably the most intelligent, witty and sassy person I ever met. You never fail to win an argument and you are so smart and nice and get your points across. You are just...you're Ashton Irwin. A 'nerd' who happens to watch the coolest shows and have the best music taste and the funniest, cutest laugh ever.

Don't tell Calum I said that, though.

You're also so beautiful. And, if I hadn't loved Calum and Luke didn't love you, then I probably would have had the biggest crush on you. I know you don't know it, but you're probably the prettiest boy alive. Pretty in a good way. It's not masculine, but that doesn't make it bad. It's just true.

Ashton, I know you probably aren't that upset. I mean, you're not cruel, so you probably care. But, since we weren't close, me dying most likely didn't effect you much. Just...like I said to the others, I need a favor from you to. One I want you to really do. Not for me, but for yourself and everyone else.

Try to be happy.

Don't end up like me. I was so sad and depressed that there wasn't hope for me. If I remember correctly, you were depressed for about two years. I was for five. So, maybe you can get through this. I don't want you doing what I did. It's not fair to yourself are the boys.

I want you to be happy and to maybe see a therapist about your selfharm. Mr.Hood is so nice, he would pay since your parents aren't helping. I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore. Remember what you said to me about my anorexia? Well, I hate seeing you slowly die too. You're better than that, Ashton.

Thank you so much for always caring about me. Even if we didn't talk a lot, when we did, I feel like your words always stuck with me the most. Please, stay strong and get through this. You're an angel and mean the world to my best friend. So, take care of him, take care of Calum, and most importantly, take care of yourself.

Stay gold, Ashton. I love you.

Your friend,

Michael x

PS: once a misfit, always a misfit. Keep the club. Just because it didn't save me, doesn't mean it won't save someone else.

Ashton's eyes watered as he read the words with his heart swelling in pain and love. He never really thought this. That Michael would care for him so much. The friend that was gone was the one he loved so dearly. He couldn't help the smile gracing his face, though, because Michael loves him and he loves Michael. Their friendship will grow, even with him gone.

His eyes then darted to the last line. He saw that Michael wanted him to keep the club. He wanted someone else to be in it and Ashton didn't know what to think. They were going to end the club. They didn't need it anymore. Even though they all were sad and not cured, they were stronger and able to get through it

However, an idea then occurred. Ashton grinned and he stood up, grabbing his tuxedo jacket. He crawled under the bleachers and ran all the way down the street. He was so out of shape, but his mind was racing and he just couldn't hold it in. He needed to tell the boys now.

When he got to the Hood's residence, he opened the door and saw Mr.and Mrs. Hood in the living room. He quickly said 'hi' and kicked the front door shut, rushing upstairs. He opened the door to Luke and Calum's room, seeing them going through what seemed to be a box of Michael's things.

Luke looked up with a small smile, but Ashton just pushed him down, pressing his lips to Luke's eagerly. He heard Calum let out a sound of disgust and Luke just grinned as he tangled his fingers in Ashton's fringe. They both pulled away breathlessly and Luke seemed confused, but not upset over the kiss.

Before he could ask, Ashton had said with a smile,"We're keeping the club."

"But, we don't need it anymore," Calum retorted with a shrug. He grabbed a CD from the box, confused as he looked at it and saw his name.

Ashton just shook his head and he motioned for the boys to listen. He began speaking and he explained his idea perfectly. As he spoke, Luke's smile grew and Calum listened intently. Ashton was enthusiastic as he continued, beaming and seeming so proud of his idea.

The three friends all were happy as they eagerly started planning everything out. Calum grabbed his laptop and Luke took his phone, quickly saving things on his phone. As they did so, Ashton leaned back against the bed with Luke, his head on his boyfriend's shoulder and Calum sitting across from them with the first true smile since Michael left.

They will never forget him. He was one of the original misfits and he always will be. But, they couldn't linger on a sad topic always. Which is why Ashton just watched as his boyfriend and best friend spoke. However, his hand was holding the necklace Michael had given him. The butterfly one and he was okay. They will be okay.

And this time, they truly believed it.


	48. Chapter 48

The misfits all took a huge leap of faith when they decided to expand the club. They went slow, starting with just their school. They did it really fast, since Ashton had to leave that Monday. It was hard to say goodbye again and Luke struggled with letting his boyfriend go.

However, Ashton announced wanting to stop going to University. It was weird, since he always thought he dreamed of going. But, he then realized that he never really wanted to go. At first, he did. He loves science and everything, but he just wasn't ready quite yet.

Since his parents disowned him, he had to visit his siblings in private. His sister and brother were more than happy to see him and see he's okay. They heard about Michael, everyone has. The town isn't small, but with news like this, everyone hears everything eventually.

Because Ashton quit University, he had to tell Nate why and they talked to the dean. He was soon leaving and Nate was happy to see why he left. Ashton wanted to take charge of the club that's going on in their city. It was no longer a school club, it was like a therapy class people take without the studying and actual work.

It's complicated to describe. Mr.Hood was surprised when the boys told him about this. He then was happy to participate and put their money to use as he rented out an empty studio and that's where their meetings will be held now. Ashton was like the 'teacher', but Luke does most of the talking.

It was weird to think that they could amount to doing so much. Luke got a job as well as Ashton. Luke worked at a restaurant and Ashton worked at a music store. He took some classes at the community college nearby, just to keep himself busy while the boys were still in school.

For where he was living...let's just say, Luke and Ashton's relationship had a few bumps in the road when they started living in the same house. Yeah, Ashton moved in with the Hood's. He had to stay on the first floor in the study where everything was moved out and Luke thought it would be nice to live with his boyfriend.

But, it wasn't.

They fought a lot and they got clingy at first, loving being around each other since they lived apart when Ashton went to Uni. After some time, however, things went downhill and Luke stayed with Mitch for a while to get away. This led Ashton to crying, thinking he was going to leave him and they mended their broken hearts.

Speaking of Mitch, he was part of the club now. As well as Maya and Nate. Because, the club did really well. It went online, to Melbourne and all over the world in a sense. Some schools started doing it and it was like therapy, only more fun and things took a change.

The club had games now, they had activities and the meetings were the same. They had topics chosen and talked about them for the day. Only, they lasted longer since there's more people and they all got along. The groups were simple and each boy was a leader of people dealing with the same topics.

Ashton talked and was in charge of those who self-harm. He still has relapsed, he's not better. It's impossible to be done with self-harming. Once you start, it lives with you. But, it's a matter of whether or not you can control yourself. He's controlled himself a lot. 

He also helped with the dealt of loss and suicide. He has dealt with it twice now and it was a painful reality when trying to do this. He would get emotional sometimes, but the teens were sweet and a thirteen year old girl once got up and hugged him. That really made him smile.

While he was dealing with that, Luke was in charge of those who deal with insecurities and loneliness. He wasn't the best at it, but he could always try helping those. He gives them advice that he never took himself and he was able to help those who deal with helping people but not themselves.

Mitch, being the new one, had helped those who were loners as well, but ones that got stuck in the wrong crowd. They were more stubborn and forced to come by typically parents or friends. Since he's stubborn, it worked well and he was happy to help Luke and his friends.

It was weird at first. Mitch is and probably will always be hung up over Luke. Ashton didn't appreciate how easily he sided with Luke in conversations or stared at him. But, whenever Luke held his hand, it was all worth it. Especially since he's grown to like Mitch.

Then there was Maya who helped the LGBT teens. She was a very accepting person and basically talked to them about realizing you're gay, dealing with being transgender and having to come out. She was super nice and helped a lot. She was the only girl and didn't seem to care at all either.

But, then there was Calum.

Let's just say, Calum hasn't been okay in a long time. He could barely sleep without dreaming of Michael. His insomnia really didn't go well anymore. He constantly stayed up, afraid to dream of Michael and have to realize he's not really alive and it was hard for him to get over it.

Is it possible to get over death? Ashton had tried talking to him about it, but Calum has isolated himself from everything. He didn't like living for a while. He would lock himself in his room and let the boys deal with the club. He was supportive, but not to where he would get up unless it was for a meeting with the club.

He put on a fake smile for the younger teens and help them. He was in charge of those who had insomnia and just anything really. It was 'less important issues' which is bullshit. Basically, relationship problems, feeling stupid, and those who were once bullies and bullied others then realized their mistakes. Anyone who was like him was in the club.

Calum really tried. He wanted to help the kids, but it was hard for him. He was lost still. He was for a long time. It's four months later and he still cries. He still feels dead inside thinking about Michael, how such a beautiful person was in a place where he shouldn't be.

He already bombed his HSC's. Well, he passed, but not as well as he planned. Luke literally bombed. He failed in all. He wasn't even graduating. He got a long lecture from the Hood's, but they just sighed as he explained he didn't care. He just wanted to do the club and work at a restaurant which Ashton was sad about, but if Luke wanted that then he will live with it.

Calum, however, wanted to do more. He wanted to be something more, but with Michael's passing so close to when the HSC's were taken, he couldn't focus. The school understood that, but they couldn't change the dates for him. So, he dealt with it and just barely passed.

His parents worried about him a lot, but who wouldn't? He literally never ate anything and he quit track and he wears Michael's clothes all the time. Ever since he and the boys cleaned out Michael's room, he kept his sweater and hoodie and his guitar that he gave Michael.

He couldn't stop thinking of him. He listens to Ariana Grande all the time and he watches the Lion King more times than anyone should. Probably more than Michael did, which is crazy since it's been four months. He just didn't feel okay and everyone was pitying him.

It was like Ashton and Luke moved on so quickly while he was still struggling. Luke knew him longer and was closer to him, shouldn't he be the most upset? But, Calum was the one not able to move on. His heart hurt, it was permanently broken and he cries and cries so much.

Michael's clothes he wore that night he was gone was still there in the corner of the room. He would snap at Luke if the blonde tried moving them and he would hold the Malum bear to his chest like Michael did and he was so sad. Just really sad. He wasn't okay and he read the letter so many time and he thought of Michael's pretty smile and his cute laugh and how his eyes sparkled whenever Calum would kiss him.

Calum sniffled quietly, hearing his dad shout from downstairs,"We're getting your cap and gown from the dry cleaners, Calum! Luke's in the living room if you need him!"

He didn't reply like always. Calum sat in his bed, back to the wall and Michael's hoodie on. his scent was no longer there and he frowned. The hoodie fit him perfectly and yet it was so baggy on his boyfriend. Yeah, boyfriend. Michael's still his and he won't date ever again. Even though Michael said for him to find someone else, he didn't want to.

A lump was in his throat and tears stained on his cheeks. Calum sighed and went over to the box of Michael's things. He looked at the photos of Michael and his family. Maybe they're in heaven together and Michael's happy with them. But, Calum wants Michael to be happy with him. Is that selfish?

He shrugged to himself and sighed as he grabbed the CD case that had his name on it. He didn't know what it was. All he knew was that it was in Michael's box that was on his dresser. His aunt came by and gave it to him and Luke, saying Michael told her in her note to give it to them.

Maybe it was songs Michael wanted him to hear. Calum didn't know. He's seen this for a while and kept wanting to look at it, but always told himself not to. He wasn't sure what to do about it. But, it's been four months. He should probably open it now. Michael had given it to him for a reason.

With that in mind, Calum opened up the CD case and his heart dropped as he saw a small, folded paper inside. The disk had his name on it with a million hearts and dots made with sharpy. He smiled timidly, because it was such a Michael thing to do and he then opened the letter.

Dear Calum,

second note, sorry for that.

Um, this is a video for you. It's probably really bad and sorry for crying a lot. I was just so sad. Cause, I didn't want to leave you, but I had to. You'll understand when you watch it. I felt like a letter wasn't enough. This is just for you, Calum. No one else. Only you can see it. Don't let anyone else. Promise? 

love, 

Mikey x

Calum gulped slowly as he looked at the disc. He hesitated, folding the paper back up and placed it in the slit. He grabbed his laptop with a shaky hand and went over to his bed after shutting his door. His parents were scared and didn't like him having his door shut anymore. 

He grabbed his headphones and plugged them in as he put in the disk. He put on his headphones and saw a window open, the play button appearing. He wasn't sure if he could watch it. Was it a goodbye video? He didn't know. He didn't want to know. But, Michael wanted him to watch it and so he did.

As he clicked play, Michael appeared on the screen and he was already feeling his eyes water as he saw it was Michael not from Skype, but from a prerecorded video. He saw Michael was wearing the clothes he wore the day he died and he couldn't watch. But, he did.

Michael smiled at the screen, his beautiful smile Calum loves, and he moved the camera a little as he got comfy. Michael seemed nervous and he cleared his throat a little. He said to the camera,"H-Hi, um. Calum. I don't really know what to s-say. Just, I-I love you, of course."

Calum was crying.

He was crying silently and the tears were falling as he looked at Michael. The boy seemed so tired, how could he not have noticed? He chewed on Michael's sleeve of his hoodie and now he knew why Michael always did that. It was like a way to hold back sadness.

"I just w-wanted to make this so you k-know. I...I love you. I — I don't want you sad. I left cause I-I'm weak and tired. Not the tired y-you are. Just tired." Michael in the video looked up with a small sniffled and wiped his nose quickly. "You made m-me so happy, Calum. Don't think you didn't."

But, he didn't because if he did, then Michael would still be here. If Calum made Michael happy, why is he gone? Why didn't he stay? Calum paused the video for a second, trying to hold it in and he just needed to finish it so that he could never watch it ever again.

He pressed play and Michael's voice was heard,"I-I don't know what to do anymore. E-Everyone kept saying I'm so small and sk-skinny. But, I'm not. I-I'm fat and ugly. Just cause y-you think I'm beautiful doesn't mean I think that. A-And it's hard to be happy when y-you can't see yourself as someone to love."

"But, I love you," Calum said quietly, wishing Michael could have heard it.

Michael was silent for a second and looking down at his lap. Calum saw tears falling and felt his own do the same. Michael was sniffling and weeping quietly. He shook his head and he looked at the camera,"D-Don't be sad. P-Please? Be happy. I-I just want you happy and I want Ashton and — and Luke happy. I want you all happy cause you deserve to be."

It's hard to be happy when the one person who made you that way is gone, Calum thought. He looked away, hurting when seeing his boyfriend crying and not able to comfort him. He's not even alive to be held. It was the worst pain in the world and Calum clenched his fist on the blanket as he evened his breathing.

Suddenly, Michael was getting up from the camera. He walked out of the shot and Calum furrowed his eyebrows. His heart then fluttered as Michael smiled and held a guitar. He got comfy on the bed and let out a small, weak giggle when murmuring 'oopsie' and Calum finally smiled a little.

He saw Michael looking a little happy, but he could still see the sadness etched on his face, the exhausting over him and his small hands holding the neck of the guitar, sweater slipping so that his tiny wrists were showing. His skinny wrists and those pale fingers Calum loved kissing.

Michael shyly said,"Um, s-so, this is...I don't know. I m-made you a CD. It's in the c-cover of the case? For you. It's songs I-I like that remind me of us. Of you. I—I record some for the past weeks. But, t-this is a song I wanted to sing f-for you now. Cause, just...be happy f-for me. And, t-this song made me s-so happy. So, yeah."

Calum frowned and paused the video. He grabbed the CD case and got the cover. It was heavy and he opened the slit, finding another disk inside. He chewed on his bottom lip and shook his head a little. His boyfriend was probably the sweetest person he's ever met.

As he pressed play again, Calum tugged his blanket over his shoulders and he watched as Michael tuned it for a second and mumbled a sheepish 'sorry' that wasn't necessary. He then strummed a familiar tune and Calum shook his head as he closed his eyes, unable to process how happy and hurt he was.

"I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware. Well, I've never seen a king of beasts with quite so little hair. I'm gonna be the main event like no king was before.I'm brushing up on looking down, I'm working on my roar," Michael giggled a little, looking down shyly with a cute smile.

Calum's heart soared and he watched as Michael sang with no stutter and with nothing but a smile on his face. He didn't see how Michael could be so happy when he was going to die only maybe an hour later. How? It was just so hard for him to understand.

Despite this and despite what had just happened and how Calum felt a mere few minutes ago, he was smiling. Because, Michael was smiling. And when Michael smiles, it's like everything suddenly feels better and Calum was soon happy as the video was ending and the strums faded.

Michael stopped. He closed his eyes and he looked down, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. He placed the guitar down in his lap and he moved the camera a little, looking up with teary eyes. He smiled weakly, but truly and soon whispered,"I love you, Calum. Smile for me?"

And Calum smiled.

Michael's small hand soon covered the camera, the screen going black and Calum felt like he had some closure. Without this, he probably wouldn't have gotten better for quite some time. He still had a hole in his heart that wasn't filled, but it was shrunk by this.

Michael was gone and he can't bring him back. Of course, he could always just join him, but Calum didn't want that and he knew Michael didn't. He wanted to make Michael happy and if him being happy does that, then he was going to do this and he was going to try. For him.

Suddenly, the door was opening and Luke said,"Calum, you can't shut the do—were you crying again?" He frowned and walked over. Calum shut the laptop, keeping his promise to Michael. Luke sat next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder,"Hey, c'mon. Talk to me, are you okay?"

The question was so small. It was Ashton's most common lie when replied to. It was something many people ask but never truly care about. But, Luke cared and Calum saw that. His brother has been there for him since day one and they have gotten through this with Ashton.

But, the question was asked everyday and just like Ashton, Calum would lie. He would say yes and they knew he didn't mean it. However, he glanced at the picture of him and Michael on his bedside table. The one with Michael hugging him and kissing his cheek and he smiled timidly.

Calum nodded slowly,"Yeah, I'll be fine." 

-

It was a day after and Calum was already doing better. Ashton had no idea how his friend managed to be sobbing one day and suddenly grinning and happy the next. The weirdest part is Ashton knew it wasn't fake. He has known Calum enough to know the difference between his fake and real smile.

He chose not to ask about it, though. Because, if Calum is really happy then he shouldn't ruin that. he just wanted to make sure it wasn't some false hope and Calum would end up — well, basically Ashton didn't want to deal with three people he loves and cares about gone.

As of now, Ashton was just sat in some butt-hurting chains with Luke next to him. They were watching as the graduates graduated. Calum was on stage and the Hood family was next to them. Mali was grinning and being embarrassing just to piss off her brother.

She knew of Michael and she knew her brother was upset. When she found out, she didn't know how to act. Because, she never got to meet him. She's heard a lot of him and she has seen pictures, but she never got a chance to meet who her brother has fallen for. It was a sad reality.

So, she basically stayed quiet when she visited a couple months ago. But, now she was trying to just make her brother laugh and get all embarrassed instead of treating him like he was the one dying or dead. She wasn't good with death and always got awkward about it.

It didn't matter much and Ashton found it amusing while Luke was just rolling his eyes at her. Ashton smiled as he kissed the back of Luke's hand. The blonde grinned and kissed Ashton on the lips instead. Ashton blushed as people from the audience scoffed at their antics.It was just kissing, gosh.

Soon enough, Calum was onstage and he was getting his diploma. The whole family and Ashton stood up, screaming out,"Woo, hey, that's my brother!" and "Yo, Calum!" and just a bunch of embarrassing things that made Calum glare at them. Along with a bunch of people in their row.

Ashton giggled and he got up as Luke did the same. The graduates had to stay on stage, but the couple just walked off since they were just there for Calum. They went over to where some food was laid out for the guests and people. Ashton laughed as Luke tripped over his own feet and they both bursted out into giggles.

Luke shoved him playfully and wrapped an arm around his waist instead. They looked back and saw Mitch soon getting his diploma. It was weird since Mitch graduated and yet Luke didn't. Maybe Luke could have if he wanted to, but he just didn't care. He didn't want to graduate and have a diploma to prove he's good enough. He can try himself to prove he's smart if people need him to.

The blonde saw Ashton picking at some fruits and he smiled. Ashton looked amazing. He changed up his look a little and it was really cute. He had stopped straightening his hair, making it curly and fluffy. He had glasses still, but they were nice and framed his face well. He didn't change to be cool, he changed because his old look was his depressing one and now he's happy.

Surely he's still sad over Michael leaving. It hit him hard considering he dealt with it before and thought he was finally over that one. But, his old experience made this one harder yet easier. Hard since he felt like he failed again, but easier because he knew he was strong enough to deal with it again.

As he took a bite of his orange, he gasped and glared as Luke snatched it from him. Ashton whined, trying to get it back and Luke just wrapped his arm around his waist, pressing his lips to the boy's with a small laugh. Ashton pouted, but kissed back and chuckled as Luke playfully bit his bottom lip.

Suddenly there was a loud cough and they looked up, seeing Calum grinning and wearing his cap with his gown. He had a diploma in his hand and was showing off his gown. Luke reluctantly pulled from his boyfriend to high-five Calum as Ashton just pouted since Luke was eating his orange.

He nodded at Calum,"Hey, we both graduated! Looks like we're finally leaving hell."

"You could always finish school during the summer, if you changed your mind," Calum reminded Luke as he wrapped an arm around the boy, in between them and causing the couple to dramatic try to reach for each other.

Luke grabbed Ashton's hand from behind Calum and told his friend,"I told you, I don't want to finish school. It's fine, I mean, I have a job and we have the club."

"Speaking of," Ashton interrupted. The three went around the school and towards the parking lot. "Nate called me earlier and he told me its going great over in Melbourne! His friends wanted to Skype us so we can talk about it some more. But, ten people already joined and it's going great online too."

A smile formed on Calum's face and he nodded,"Michael would be so proud of us."

"He should have graduated with us. I'm sure he would have convinced Mr.Hemmings over here," Ashton nodded to Luke. "To finish school instead of being dropout."

Luke scoffed,"Oh shut it, bug."

A small laugh left Ashton, showing he was just joking. He really does care that Luke left school, but he knew it was his decision. He just felt like Luke could have a lot better time getting a good job in life if he finished school. However, it's his decision and he needed to respect that.

Instead of them arguing anymore, they just went over to Luke's car and made sure no one was looking. They knew the Hood's would get mad at them for leaving, but they had a plan in mind and it was just something they planned since the day Michael had left.

The three all buckled up and Calum sat in the back with the picture of Michael in his hands. He smiled softly, brushing his thumb against the cold glass and pressed his lips to the frame. It was a small kiss, but Ashton looked at him in the rearview mirror and gave him a sympathetic smile to which Calum just shrugged.

When they got to the graveyard, the three boys hopped out. Ashton got his cap and gown that he got a while ago, he ordered it before he left early and since his parents paid, he was given it earlier. He was going to graduate with Calum, but decided to stay out with his boyfriend.

He tugged them on and got his cap, placing it on his head. Luke took his hand and they went over to Michael's tombstone. Calum sighed and he placed the picture down on the ground as Luke and Ashton stood back. He placed the cap on the tombstone and paused before moving the tassel from right to left.

He smiled weakly and said,"You would have looked so nice in the cap and gown, kitten."

Ashton let out a small chuckle,"Probably would have been twirling around the whole time."

"His favorite color is— " Luke paused. "Was blue."

Calum nodded and he stood up. They just stood there for a moment and imagined Michael graduating. He would have been so embarrassed walking across the stage on his own and having all the attention on him. Yet, he would have looked amazing and Calum would have kissed him and they'd have a great time.

A phone ringing was heard and Luke sighed,"Bet it's mum. We should leave now."

The other two nodded in agreement. They didn't move for a second, though. But, then Luke stepped up and pressed a kiss to his fingertips, then to the tombstone before walking away. Ashton soon did the same and Calum took a second longer. His eyes glistening with tears, but a smile tugging at his lips as he copied.

But, he stood there and he closed his eyes and he could just see something. He felt something. An image of Michael wearing all white and smiling appeared. The boy not skinny, but just the right weight and he was happy and blonde and Calum couldn't hear, but he could see him saying 'I love you' .

He nearly jumped as a hand was on his shoulder. Ashton looked at him in concern and Calum just grinned as he nudged him. Ashton stumbled back and gaped, but then he was laughing and shoving Calum as the two ran to the car where Luke was rolling his eyes as Mrs.Hood rambled about running off.

Luke gasped as Calum pushed him and Ashton fell down since Luke stumbled into him. The couple were on the grass and groaning in pain as Calum bursted out laughing. Ashton pouted, but Luke then rolled on top of him and started tickling his sides, making Ashton let out shrieks of laughter.

As the couple did so, Calum leaned against the car and he smiled. For the first time since his boyfriend left, he felt amazing. They lost a misfit, one of the originals, and it was a sad story to tell. But, it ended happily as they were now helping others just like Michael wanted. And what Michael wanted is what Michael got.

He wanted his club of misfits happy, which they were.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it, thank you so much for reading!


	49. Bonus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just the muke smut some people wanted to read.

A year and a half ago...

The problem is that it was valentines day and so many people were dating. However, both Michael and Luke were single. Single and never have they even done anything with a person, aside from the time Luke kissed a guy when he was twelve then a girl during truth or dare at the only party he's even been to.

Because of this, it was hard for Michael and Luke to hear about all these people muttering how romantic it was to lose their virginity on Valentine's day. It doesn't sound romantic if anything it sounded dumb. But, that's just Luke's opinion.

Then again, he's only dated one person for two weeks before breaking up with them. So maybe he's just pathetic. He and Michael are so left out at school and they never bother to talk to others, but that's their own faults. They try to isolate themselves from people.

Sometimes Luke worries that's not a good idea, but in his opinion, Michael and him shouldn't care. At least, not at the moment. Both were content with just being with each other. They don't need other people to make them happy when they have one another. That's all they need.

Was that wrong? Probably, but so is being single on Valentine's day and being bitter about it. Perhaps Luke could just ask someone out, but he didn't want to abandon his best friend and there's no one in school that pleased him enough to ask out.

Anyways, let's just say Luke sometimes hates being a virgin. Everyone probably feels ashamed or left out with sex or dating. Mainly boys, though, because what's worse than being taunted for not having sex? Luke has nothing against sex before marriage, because he's mainly attracted to boys and gay marriage isn't legal everywhere.

He wasn't gay or bisexual or pansexual. Luke was just him and he was proud to say that. However, his parents aren't accepting, they never were, though. Thankfully, Michael is gay and they bond easily over that, talking about cute boys. Usually celebrities like Kellin Quinn since people at school were not attractive, not inwardly anyways. And that's important to them.

The bell rang and Luke ran a hand through his hair that was in a small quiff. He was leaning against the wall by Michael's class and waiting to walk him to lunch. It was a ritual between them and both enjoyed it very much. Michael has social anxiety and he is selectively mute, so being around Luke made it easier, especially holding hands.

When Michael walked out of the classroom, he was nervously fiddling with his sleeves and smiled when seeing Luke. The blonde didn't speak, knowing Michael was more comfortable that way. He took his small hand and Michael clung to him, loving to be close to Luke.

People always questioned if they were dating. The thing is, Luke has no romantic interests in Michael. Yes, he's beautiful and adorable and the sweetest person ever. But, Luke can't see them as a couple and he preferred just to be close best friends who happen to cuddle a lot.

Michael seemed content with that as well and they headed into the cafeteria. As they did so, they probably passed a million couples and grimaced at the lovey dovey expressions that were shared. Sometimes it's cute, other times it's just really annoying to them.

When they headed to their table by the trashcan, they placed their things down and Luke had Michael sit there and wait like always. Michael obeyed and he smiled as Luke went to the line. Luke always did that for him, got his lunch. Sometimes Michael worries he eats too much, but Luke knows just the right amount for him.

As he waited for the blonde, he looked around and nervously held onto his stuffed lion that was in his pocket; Daniel. The little lion was so soft and made him feel happy. He cuddled it and eyes gazed around until landing on the popular guy and his girlfriend. He grimaced, believing his name is Carter or Calum or something with a C.

Michael frowned as the boy and his girlfriend made out in public. He sighed and looked down with a longing expression. He always wanted to be kissed and loved like that. Sadly, that will never happen. Michael is single and will probably end up dying as a virgin.

Meanwhile, Luke was tapping his foot impatiently as he waited in line. He glared as a guy in front of him took forever choosing his lunch. It really shouldn't take that long. He had fringed hair and dorky glasses, reaching for a tray while having a shit ton of bracelets on. He recognized him as Ashton. The guy is pretty much the nerd of the school, but Luke rarely talks to him.

Finally, he moved forward and Luke nearly sighed loudly in relief. He got both his and Michael's order, the lunch lady recognizing him and knowing it was for Michael. He thanked her and then went to go to their table. But, then saw he needed a spork for his fruitcup.

He hesitated with both hands full and saw Ashton getting a spork. He asked awkwardly,"Hey, can you get me two sporks? My hands are erm, kind of full."

Ashton turned and sheepishly nodded before clearing his throat. He blankly grabbed two sporks and lazily handed them to Luke, leaving without a word. Luke furrowed his eyebrows at the lack of speaking. But, he just sighed and moved to his table, unaware of Ashton's longing heart-eyes and loving gaze.

When he returned to Michael, the boy was shyly looking at Luke and had Daniel in his hands sweetly. Luke handed him his tray and opened his chocolate milk for him. Michael instantly grabbed the pizza, eating it hungrily and sighed in relief at the sweet taste of pizza sauce and cheese.

Luke watched in amusement, but then just continued eating as well. The noise around them was louder, considering they aren't talking and deep in conversation nor making out like couples around. It made Luke feel a little lonely and he slouched slightly, taking a sip of his chocolate milk.

But, it seemed like Luke wasn't the only one feeling that way. Because, Michael frowned and he said sadly in a quiet voice,"E-Everyone's happy. Want to be h-happy like them."

"Don't worry, babe. You don't need to be taken to be happy," Luke reminded and placed his hand on Michael's sweaterpaw one.

Michael shook his head,"No o-one loves me, though. Want to um, be with a person? L-Like others. Be h-happy and not die without..." He blushed and mumbled,"Doing t-things."

At first, Luke was confused. But, then he understood and sheepishly admitted,"Yeah, same. I barely even kissed anyone. Everyone here is probably not even a virgin."

"Virgin?" Michael gaped, not believing Luke.

However, Luke looked down in embarrassment,"Yeah, it's humiliating. But, I don't want to just have sex and lose it to anyone, you know? I want it to be special, as cheesy and cliché as that sounds. I want it to be with someone I love and care about, not just a person I date for two weeks."

His words made Michael's green eyes light up. He nervously watched as Luke picked at his food with a frown. The blonde's chin was slumped in the palm of his hands, spork mindlessly pushing the peas on his tray around. Not actually eating and just looking thoughtful.

Michael didn't know why this came to mind or why he wanted to do it. But, his idea made him feel happy and safe inside. He knew it was risky, but looking at Luke, he can honestly say he wanted it. He didn't know how to approach it, however, and stayed his quiet self for quite some time.

Till, he finally whispered,"T-Take my virginity...?"

Luke choked up, coughing violently as his chocolate milk splattered across the table. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and saw people walking by with grimaces. He sheepishly looked away and eyes met Michael's. Seeing he wasn't joking, he was completely serious.

The blonde opened and closed his mouth repeatedly. "I..Michael, that's - that's not something you just do with people."

"I-I know," He muttered, bashfully looking down at his Daniel lion. "Just...t-trust and love you. W-Want to do it with you, b-because we're friends." He knew it sounded crazy and frowned when Luke shook his head slowly. His eyes prickled with tears and he looked down,"D-Don't want to do it with me?"

Luke quickly assured,"No, Mikey, it's just...it's risky. We're friends, it might be awkward after."

"It-It'll only be awkward if w-we make it awkward," Michael pointed out quietly, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout. "D-Don't want anyone else having my v- virginity...I only t-trust you. And, y-you trust me. We know e-each other. I f-feel comfortable with you, Lukey..."

At first, Luke was hesitant. He couldn't believe Michael just asked him to do this. He knew he should say no, that's the right thing a person would do in these moments. But, in the back of his mind, he knew for some reason that this was how it was suppose to be. He can't find himself saying no.

There's not a real reason for him to say no. He doesn't agree with sex before marriage, he doesn't believe you need to date to have sex. As long as you love the person, then it should be fine. And, he very much loves Michael. He may not be in love, but he loves the boy to death.

Some people not agree with what they wanted, with how they chose to lose their innocence. But, if it makes sense to them, then that's all that mattered. Luke was ready and Michael was, so why not just lose themselves to the only person they trust and love with all their heart? Even if they're not dating, they care and it's better than losing it during a one-night stand or short-term boyfriend.

Which is why Luke agreed and he smiled timidly. A grin formed on Michael's lips and he shyly looked down at his Daniel bear. When he thought about it, Luke was proud to say he gets to take Michael's first time. Because, at least he knows that the person isn't using him and it won't be regretted.

With that in mind, the day soon went on. Luke and Michael shared shy glances whenever seeing each other and let's just say, some people may know what's going on just from their expression. Because, both were suddenly nervous and bashful and they really were excited as well. But, they would never admit it.

-

It was nerve-wracking for Luke to take charge, because he's only sixteen and yet, he was going to be having sex with his best friend. The thought seemed absurd, but it also made him smile just the slightest. Because, as of now, he can't see himself with anyone else.

He and Michael planned the night easily and Luke had trouble getting out of his house. Luckily, his parents were hosting some party and he sneaked out with the condom and lube. It was awkward stuffing it down his pants pocket, but he somehow managed and was now nervous.

He wondered if Michael was feeling the same, because Michael hasn't even kissed anyone. So much pressure was on Luke, considering he knew he would be on top. Surely he knew what to do, but it was still scary to think that he would be responsible if Michael felt hurt or if something went wrong.

Honestly, however, he thinks this is the most beautiful way to lose his virginity. Because, it's not about the sex and it's not about being in love. It's just love in general. He knew people fall out of love easily, but that rarely ever happens to a friend and Michael is beautiful and someone he cares for. His goal was to make Michael's first time perfect, not even caring if it was perfect for himself.

When he got to Michael's house, he just walked in like Michael said. He knew Michael's aunt was out that night and they were extra careful to make sure she wouldn't be back. He hesitated and nervously walked to Michael's door. He took a breath, trying to seem confident enough and opened up, smiling when seeing Michael.

The boy was sat on the bed, just wearing a sweater and some boxers underneath. Michael bashfully smiled as he shyly waved at Luke. Luke kicked off his shoes and shut the door behind him. He took out the lube and condom, lying them on the sidetable and perched himself on the bed next to Michael.

It was silent.

Neither really knew how to make the first move and Luke felt his heart pounding in his chest. Michael looked at him, as if waiting for Luke to do something. It was all on him now and he was just so nervous, though. Not sure what's too much and what's too little.

Finally, he turned to face Michael, placing a hand on the boy's blushing cheek. He leaned forward and asked in a whisper,"Can I kiss you?"

"N-Never kissed anyone," Michael admitted softly.

However, Luke smiled,"S'okay, Mikey," and then he kissed him.

It was weird for a moment, since Michael just kind of froze and Luke brushed his finger against his friend's cheek to comfort him. He whispered 'move your lips, love' and Michael soon followed Luke's lips, them both lightly kissing each other. Sort of like small kisses instead of a long snog.

Luke moved his hands down Michael's body, trying to relax and get use to touching him. Michael shivered under his touch and felt Luke slide his bigger hands under his shirt, rubbing lightly against Michael's tummy. It was cute, kind of pudgy, but not fat. Just smooth. Luke found it adorable and soft under his touch.

The room was silent and the only sounds were of lips smacking against one another, Luke hesitating before gently pushing Michael down on the bed. Michael's head laid in the pillow, his fringe falling in front of his face. Luke pulled his lips from the boys, licking his own and brushing Michael's hair from his face.

He tugged at Michael's shirt and Michael raised his arms up, allowing Luke to take off his shirt. Luke eyed Michael and then he felt a little different. He wasn't attracted to Michael romantically, but in that moment, he started feeling something different. He thought Michael was so beautiful and it wasn't his fault considering what they were doing.

Michael was just gorgeous and no one can blame Luke for thinking that. His pale skin was beautiful, thighs so nice and his tummy made Luke smile. Michael looked self-conscious considering he's the only one in boxers. His swollen lips from them kissing was tugged between his lips and he wrapped his arms around his body self-consciously.

But, Luke shook his head and he straddled the boy's hips. Luke didn't know if he should ask, but he just began kissing down Michael's neck, sucking gently in the crook of his neck and shoulder. Michael's breath started shaking and he looked like he wanted to moan, but just closed his eyes and nervously placed a hand on Luke's shoulder, gently squeezing it from his body being turned on.

Michael pleaded in a stutter,"N-Naked, too. Please. D-Don't want to be alone."

Luke blushed a little, but nodded and he playfully pinched Michael's nipple, just cause. Michael winced and shrieked a little. He heard Luke laughing and pouted. The tension that was in the air began clearing after that. Luke knowing it would make things better.

Michael felt Luke's hand run down his body and he took a deep breath, gulping. He then looked up and saw Luke unbuttoning his jeans and stand up. He dropped his pants down and then crawled back on the bed. It was fine, but then his jaw nearly dropped as Luke took off his shirt, revealing his very nice body that was much better than his.

Luke's body was Gucci and Michael's was Target.

Sadly, Luke didn't notice his expression and just felt himself grow more hard, because it wasn't his fault seeing someone nearly naked and sweating beneath him turned him on. He paused and dug his thumb beneath the elastic of Michael's boxers, looking at the boy questioningly.

Michael nodded and blushed when Luke tugged his down. Luke chewed on his bottom lip, never having seen Michael's - well, yeah. He just wrapped his fingers around the boy's length. Michael clenched the bedsheets, lips parting as Luke began stroking him slowly and teasingly.

Once he was nice and hard, Luke then released Michael's length and kicked off his own boxers. He stroked himself as well, grabbing the lube from the bedside table and saw Michael panted and looking at him with a needy expression. Luke chuckled a little and opened up the bottle, slicking his fingers up, aware of how to prep.

He scooted over and hesitated, going to spread Michael's legs. But, the boy just did himself and Luke cleared his throat a little. It was strange to see Michael all ready for him, but he just placed a hand on Michael's trembling thigh and kissed it softly, circling his finger around Michael's rim before slowly pressing in, feeling how tight he was. Definitely a virgin.

Feeling how tense he was, Luke leaned up and pressed his lips to Michael's in a firm kiss, his hand falling down as Michael wrapped his legs around Luke' waist. Michael let out a whimper and Luke lightly bit on his bottom lip, slowly moving his finger in and out, trying to distract him.

Michael's entire body went lax once Luke finger was in all the way. A smirk grew upon Luke' lips as Michael threw his head back against the pillows. Michael's hands shot up and gripped to Luke' shoulders tightly once Luke began pumping his finger in and out of Michael slowly.

Luke eventually snuck a second and third finger past Michael's tight heat and at that point Michael was a writhing and whimpering mess underneath Luke and the smirk plastered onto Luke' lips looked like it was stuck permanently. He's never seen Michael so responsive to anything, because Michael is so shy and never likes to be expressive.

Much to Luke's surprise, Michael whispered out in a whiny voice,"M-More, Lukey. P-Please?"

Luke's eyebrows raised as he let out a scoff and chuckled, nodding his head slowly. He soon become more nervous and Michael frowned when Luke got up to get the condom. He eyed Luke, his bare body was beautiful and Michael was amazed at how someone can be so pretty and sexy at once.

He looked down at his own body, grimacing at the fat on his tummy when he saw Luke was so fit. He wondered how he can look like that. He wanted to be sexy and pretty like Luke. To look like a model, despite being sweaty and messy. Because, sweaty and having messy hair looked gorgeous on Luke.

Maybe he can try to look better. But, Michael was too turned on at the moment to care, wanting Luke to hurry. The boy licked his lips, seeing Luke fumbling with the condom and blushing when he struggled opening it. He smiled a little, seeing Luke pouting and trying to rip it open.

Michael giggled a little and took it from him, opening it up with his teeth and handed it back to him shyly Luke sheepishly thanked him and Michael watched while gulping as Luke rolled the protection on. Michael took the lube and Luke was confused, but then his breath hitched as Michael wrapped his small fingers around the boy, lathering it on for him.

Luke let out a soft moan as Michael helped him out a little and then Michael blushed as he wiped his slick hand on the shirt from the ground before scooting back. Luke evened out his breath and he scooted between the boy's legs. He paused and soothingly rubbed Michael's legs, asking quietly,"You sure you want this, Mikey? W-We can stop now if you don't want to."

However, Michael pecked Luke's lips sweetly and nodded,"T-Trust you."

Luke nodded and hitched Michael's legs around his waist, gripping the base of his length and he slowly pressed in. Michael's eyes shut tightly and Luke stopped. He frowned, rubbing Michael's sides and pressed his lips to the boy's as he pushed in more, feeling Michael's bottom lip trembling against his own and stopping once more.

He brushed some of Michael's sweaty fringe from his forehead and asked in worry,"You okay? Does it hurt?"

Michael nodded and opened his eyes, lashes damp with some tears,"H-Hurts a little."

"M'sorry, m'so sorry," Luke mumbled, guilt filling him as he kept pecking small kisses on Michael's face. He didn't want to hurt him, he just wanted to make him happy and lose his first time to someone who wouldn't hurt him. Now, he failed miserably and sighed.

As he waited for Michael to adjust to the stretching, he kept soothing him and letting Michael kiss him to distract from the pain. His kisses were small, just friendly pecks on the lips and cheeks. It made Luke smile and he was trying to will himself not to fuck the boy, because it was suppose to be special.

Luckily, Michael soon nodded and let out a small breath. He wiped his teary eyes and looked at Luke, eyes dark green rather than bright. Luke then filled into him more, till he was flush against Michael's bum. Then, Luke raised his arms and gripped the headboard, slowly beginning to thrust his hips into Michael.

"Christ." Luke groaned out as he threw his head back and placed a hand on his hip, his breath coming out in short pants.

Michael let out a quiet whimper and that was all the encouragement Luke needed to start moving. Luke' hips starting thrusting at a slow speed but slowly sped up, not too much though since it's their first time. And Michael was panted beneath him, hands fisting the bedsheets and head leaned back against the pillow.

Soon Luke released the headboard, prepping his forearms on each side of Michael's head and lightly kissing his neck. Michael's hands hesitantly placed on Luke's back, whining softly in the back of his throat and he was quiet, but that somehow made Luke go faster, thrusting deeply into him.

Michael was a writhing mess underneath Luke as he tried his hardest to hold to not come. Luke felt his stomach tightening up as a signal that his climax was close and he somehow made eye contact with Michael, Michael blushing, not that Luke would know since he was flushed from the sex and body layered with sweat.

Michael breathed heavily, letting out a silent moan as he saw Luke biting down on his bottom lip and fuck, why is Luke so pretty even like this? Michael's hands ran down Luke's body, every inch all so perfect. He wanted to look like this when having sex.

Suddenly, Luke nearly pulled out all the way and slammed into Michael, knocking the thought from his head and Michael's moan was so high-pitched, it could barely be heard. Luke muttered a 'fuck' and sped up, nearly coming and Luke kept repeating Michael's name into his ear, hitting a certain spot that had Michael tensing and body arching slightly.

"F-Fuck, come Mikey, c'mon," Luke moaned, head buried in Michael's neck and the permission as granted.

With that, Michael came all over his and Luke' stomach and chest, whimpering out loudly, his hands gripping Luke' shoulders. Luke leaned down and gently pressed a deep, messy kiss to Michael's lips, releasing into the condom. Luke collapsed onto Michael's chest and pressed gentle, calming kisses to Michael's neck.

He lazily took off the condom, tying it up a little and tossing it in the trashcan by the bed. When he turned over, he saw Michael looking at him with half-closed eyes and Luke smiled a little. He grabbed a shirt from the ground and wiped their chests off before tossing it on the ground.

The blonde grabbed their boxers and handed Michael his. Michael shyly pulled his on and then laid back down once he grabbed his stuffed Daniel from the end of the bed. Luke hesitated, then scooted closer to Michael and wrapped an arm around his bare body. He quickly pulled the blanket over their bodies and Michael snuggled close to him.

He tucked his head under Luke's neck, nose nuzzling Luke's chest that smelled like sweat, but he somehow liked it.Michael whispered quietly,"W-Was I...um, o-okay?"

"You were perfect," Luke assured, smiling a little as he kissed Michael's forehead. "I'm glad I lost my virginity to you." He then teased,"I'm honored you asked me."

Michael giggled a little and pressed his lips to Luke, but Luke then said sympathetically,"But, um...we shouldn't kiss anymore, okay? It was just this one night, but we can't keep doing that, you know?"

"I-I know, but till midnight?" Michael shyly asked, finger tracing random things on Luke's chest. He admitted softly,"J-Just like being kissed. M-Makes me happy."

A small chuckle left Luke's lips and he glanced at the time, seeing it was eleven thirty. He shrugged and nodded in agreement, teasingly pressing his fingers in Michael's sides and tickled him. Michael let out squeaky laughs and shook his head, trying to push Luke away.

But, Luke pinned his arms up, one hand holding his wrists together. He began tickling Michael a lot, prodding his sides and Michael was trying to kick him away, face flushed red as his laughs were soon silent. But, Luke pressed his lips to his friend's, silencing him and Michael was still giggling breathlessly against Luke's mouth.

For the rest of the night, they kissed and laughed and joked around as if it was the most normal thing ever. They nearly forgot they had sex and just enjoyed each other's company till midnight. They barely even kissed, just small ones that made them smile and maybe Michael's heart flutter.

Because, Luke was like a model and so beautiful it was questioning. He sighed as he laid next to his friend who was holding him close. Luke was asleep and Michael stayed away, watching him with a fond expression and held onto his Daniel stuffed lion, so amazed with how perfect Luke was.

His body was gorgeous and felt nice against Michael's. He pressed his small hand on Luke's stomach lightly. It flat and hard, nearly having abs. He then pressed his hand to his own body and frowned. It was squishy and he can dig his fingers into his tummy. He was so fat compared to Luke.

Michael frowned and he felt sad suddenly. However, he heard Luke grumble something and Luke's eyes opened up. Michael muttered 's-sorry' and Luke just smiled and wrapped his arms around Michael. Luke whispered,"Sleep, silly." and Michael nodded, turning so Luke was spooning him.

It took a while, but soon he fell asleep, wishing Luke didn't have to suffer holding his fat body. But, he was also happy he lost himself to Luke. It was an honor to take Luke's virginity and give Luke his. The two friends held something special together and no one would understand why they did it except them. It was special to them and made them closer. Their friendship was weird, but so are they and they didn't care if people didn't understand as long as they did.


End file.
